RUNNING HEAD MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY

MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY

My View of Human Sexuality

In the Sanskrit language, sexuality is usually referred to by the word kama (which
is different from karma) and this is accepted as one of the four main goals that human
beings should aspire to in life. These four goals of life are listed as dharma, one's
religious, social and moral duty, artha, wealth and prosperity, kama, the fulfilment of
sensual desires, and ultimately moksha, liberation from rebirth.
How culture and religion impacted my views of human sexuality: Maintaining a
balance
A balanced life is one in which all four goals are properly pursued and attained,
and so it is apparent that from a traditional Hindu perspective sexuality is not regarded as
something inherently sordid or immoral, but as a natural aspiration, the fulfillment of
which is essential for a successful life. But that is not to say that Hinduism therefore
recommends unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasure. In pursuing the four goals of
life, a proper balance must be maintained and excessive preoccupation with sexuality
may lead to neglect of dharma and moksha, which are regarded as the higher goals.
Therefore Hindu teachings usually insist that sexuality be confined to marriage and that
sexual relationships should not be engaged in without restriction and without proper
preparation. This is not because sex is inherently bad or irreligious, but because it is such
an intoxicating pleasure that unrestrained indulgence can come to dominate a person's life
and take away his or her higher sensibilities.
Celibacy
I remember learning this from my grandparents, parents and priest that the
problems can arise from excessive preoccupation with sensuality. In the Bhagavad Gita,

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(holy book) Arjuna asks Lord Krishna why it is that people are drawn towards
wickedness even though they may desire to live a virtuous life. To this Lord Krishna
replies that it is lust and anger that are the root causes of sin, for a person whose life is
dominated by selfish desire quickly loses any sense of virtue or concern for others. So
sensuality is not in itself sinful, but it is seen as one of the main causes of wickedness and
a barrier to duty (dharma). Similarly, it is also imbedded from very young age that those
who are most ardently seeking (moksha) release from the cycle of rebirth, are usually
advised to refrain from sensual pleasures and take vows of celibacy. However, this
applies only to a very small section of human society, people who leave the world behind
and follow the path of renunciation, but it is recognized that attachment to the world is
the root cause of rebirth, and sexual desire is one of the most intense forms of worldly
attachment.
The traditional approach: huge impact on how I view sexuality
It is been taught to me that duty (dharma) insist that women in particular should
not engage in sexual activities prior to marriage and that a major element of a woman's
duty (dharma) is the devotion she shows to her husband. Hence chastity prior to marriage
and loyal commitment to my spouse have been regarded as pillars of (dharma) in a my
life and although standards are changing somewhat today, these principles are still the
norms for most of Hindu society. For men, the emphasis in teachings on duty (dharma) is
slightly different, but the same fundamental principles apply. In his student life, a man
was expected to remain celibate so as to focus on his studies.
Marriage and View of Sexuality
The aim of marriage which was taught to almost everyone is said to be duty

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(dharma), progeny (praja) and pleasure (rati). Through sex is one of the function of
marriage it is given third place, indicating there by that it is least desirable aim of the
marriage. Which brings the question regarding low desire partner and high desire partner
and how can I justify my learning and understanding. Viewing sexual desire as a
natural hunger masks its complexity and encourages people to see themselves as
defective ( Schnarch, 1997,p.128). According to him, sexual desire problems are part of
the normal healthy processes of marriage its how we go about them that is the difficulty
made me think that often time it is seen as a problem. According to his approach there is
always a low desire partner and there is always a high desire partner and there is one of
each in every relationship, which made me look into my own relationship.
If I look at my own relationship there is a low desire partner and a high desire
partner on virtually every issue and decision we make. Whether its deciding to buy
something, visiting friends/family or having sex. One partner wants to do something (the
high desire partner) that the other doesnt (the low desire partner). Even if we want to do
the same thing, one of us will want it more. Depending on the issues, positions change.
The low desire partner and high desire partner are relative positions in
relationship. Being the low desire partner person doesnt mean I have no desire, but I
have learned to put my I was thinking that I could want sex every day and still be the low
desire partner person if my husband wants sex twice a day. My learning which I got from
my culture/religion one should have less or put sex at last place in marriage then where
do I stand in that position. One my culture/ religion say sex is one of the function of
marriage it is given third place, indicating there by that it is least desirable aim of the
marriage, and here when I am reading Schnarchs views about sexuality in marriage

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raises questions.
Another rule of sexual desire that Schnarch adheres to is that the low desire
partner in a relationship always controls sex, which hit the home for me. Understanding
this is one of the people growing processes The high desire partner usually initiates
sex. The low desire partner decides whether to respond. This determines if and when sex
happens. This gives low desire partner control of sex whether it is wanted or not.
How you feel about yourself, your partner and your relationship is essential for personal
growth. Stop blaming, be less defensive and be more curious. If you can tolerate the
anxiety of hearing and saying difficult things and sooth your own emotions you are on
course for a more integrated meaningful sexual relationship.
Another thing, which struck me throughout the reading about what is human
sexual desire and aspects of sexual desire that have everything to do with sexual potential
and the waning of desire. In order to understand this will need to change viewpoint, too.
For instance, we have to stop thinking of low sexual desire as a personality issue. It
helped me understand that, its possible for the partner who is the high desire partner at
the outset of the relationship to later become the low desire partner (and vice versa).
Understanding that high desire and low desire are not character traits, which makes
someone less defensive about level of sexual desire, whatever it is. Low desire partners in
particular stop feeling inadequate and defective. This approach gives partner equal
standing for dealing with each other.
To stress the lower role of sex in marriage, the marriage is said to be for pleasure
only. This is considered to be a contemptible fellow who has no high purpose in life.
Because this is despised, relations with a woman are viewed unfavorable through they

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can't be stopped. The institution of Hindu marriage occupies a prominent place in the
social institution of the civilized world. Hindu marriage can be defined as religions
sacrament in which a man and woman are bound in permanent relationship for physical,
social and spiritual purpose of duty (dharma), procreation and sexual pleasure.
The Hindu marriage is not really a social contract but a religious sacrament. It
results in a more or less permanent relationship between a man and woman. Their aim is
not nearly physical pleasure but spiritual advancement. It is not merely an individual
function but has a serial enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It exhibits unintegral approach to
this serial institution. In my understanding which shaped my view of sexuality I can
summarize as follows.
(i) Fulfillment of duties (dharma) or religions duties: According to the Hindu scriptures
marriage is a basic of all religion activities. In other words "marriage is primarily for the
fulfillment of duties; the basic aim of marriage was dharma".
(ii) Procreation: In Hindu families the child is given a very important place. According to
Riga Veda (ancient holy scripture), the husband accepts the palm of wife in order to get a
high breed progeny. According to this, the chief aim of marriage is procreation has also
maintained the same view.
(iii) Sexual pleasure: The Hindu scriptures have compared the sexual pleasure with the
relation of divine bliss. According to this sexual pleasure is the chief in aim marriage.
As marriage is said to be sacred it is irrevocable, other parties to the marriage
can't dissolve it at will. Each is bound to the other until the death of either of them and
the wife is supposed to be bound to her husband even after his death. Concept of
marriage, that it is, indissoluble, is a lofty one because it means that the husband and wife

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after marriage age to adjust their tastes and temper their ideas and interest, instead of
breaking with each other when they find that these differ. Hindu marriage, thus viewed, is
not an ordinary affair where in the weakness of flesh plays a dominant part. On the
contrary, demands of personal gratification and pleasures are subordinated, and the
individual is called upon to make marriage a success by means of compromise and
adjustment. Despite the fact that marriage was considered to be irrevocable the two
partners were not regarded as beings equal in their obligations, privileges there was
obvious discrimination made in their responsibility towards each other and in
responsibility for succession of marriage.
Now when I look back and remember the importance in Hindu life can be
understood from the fact that while in the early law cremation was prescribed for a child
who had completed two years, in the later law it was enjoined in the case of a child who
had undergone the sacrament of tonsure. Similarly, marriage is said to be essential for
woman because that is the only sacrament that can be performed for her. Even in the
performance of religious duties the wife was more of a passive partner and was generally
selected from a family, which did not neglect the performance of sacred rites. Marriage
was a serious duty towards the family and the community and there was little idea of
individual interest. The social background provided by the authoritarian joint family, and
caste with its dominion small spheres of life, afforded no scope for the recognition of any
personal factor, individual, interest or aspiration, in the relations between husband and
wife.
What is my understanding of Hindu View of Sexuality?
The purpose of sexual union is to express and foster love's beautiful intimacy and

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to draw husband and wife together for procreation. Sexual intercourse is a natural
reproductive function, a part of the instinctive nature, and its pleasures draw man and
woman together that a child may be conceived. It also serves through its intimacy to
express and nurture love. It is love that endows sexual intercourse with its higher
qualities, transforming it from an animal function to a human fulfillment. Intensely
personal matters of sex as they affect the family or individual are not legislated, but left to
the judgment of those involved, subject to community laws and customs.
What Is the Relation of Sex to Marriage: my personal life experiences
Wisdom demands that the intimacies of sexual intercourse be confined to
marriage. Marriages that are free of prior relationships are the truest and strongest,
seldom ending in separation or divorce. When I got married I was virgin and it teaches
that when a virgin man and woman marry and share physical intimacy with each other,
their union is very strong and their marriage stable. This is because their psychic nerve
currents grow together and they form a one body and a one mind. It is to be said that
conversely, if the man or woman has had intercourse before the marriage, the emotionalpsychic closeness of the marriage will suffer, and this in proportion to the extent of
promiscuity. For a marriage to succeed, sexual intercourse must be preserved for husband
and wife. Each should grow to understand the other's needs and take care to neither deny
intercourse to the married partner nor make excessive demands. A healthy, unrepressed
attitude should be kept regarding sexual matters. I dont think that I would agree with that
because my husband had married previously before getting married with me, it didnt
impact us seriously and when it comes to issues in marriage I think it will be hard to find
a single marriage with out any issues. The Vedas intone, "Sweet be the glances we

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exchange, our faces showing true concord. Enshrine me in your heart and let one spirit
dwell with us."
Religion plays a major role in many peoples sexuality, it played huge role in my
own understanding of sexuality. When working with clients it is important not to impose
your own ideas about sexuality on clients but rather listen what they are trying to tell
some in words and some nonverbal. What my view is about sexuality not necessarily
other people has the same way, so as a therapist I would listen to all verbal and nonverbal
communication when working with couples or individuals.

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Reference:
Schnarch, David, 2009 Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in
Committed Relationships. W. W. Norton & Co.