Why to Never Take What Women Say at Face Value

A few hours ago I was in a girlfriends apartment with her and some of my girlfriends friends. I
showered there, and when I finished my shower I left the bathroom in just a towel, then returned to
dry my hair.
After my girlfriends friends had left, she told me one of her friends had seen me walking back and
forth wrapped in my towel and proceeded to make an unpleasant face, then look away.
Now, if I was younger I mightve been inclined to take this reaction at face value and assume there
must be something wrong with my body, or maybe I dont look that good in a towel and ought to
stay covered up all the time. Id feel self-conscious and take something like this as reason for doubt.
However, at this point, I know Im in decent shape... I have some muscle, and little fat. I have
arguably the best figure right now Ive ever had. And Ive had plenty of girls tell me I have a good
body. So I know that Ugh! reaction likely doesnt mean, Ew, hes so ugly.
Instead, I figured this likely happened because that friend is devoutly religious, and her reaction was
her forbidding herself to suffer impure thoughts / temptation. I told my girlfriend this, and she said
that was her read as well (then asked me if I could stay dressed around her more conservative
friends).
It seemed like a simple little interaction, but it highlighted an important point:
You must be careful not to take what women say or do at face value.
Ambiguous Meanings Everywhere
Women are masters of ambiguity.
It is a survival instinct of theirs.
Men are, quite frequently, much more matter-of-fact, and so we often assume women must be too.
For instance, had I asked that friend why she made a face and turned away from my partial nudity,
Im sure I would have received an answer along the lines of, Im sorry, I just dont want to look at
that, which sounds like an answer... but isnt.
An answer like that is designed to let you fill in the blanks with whatever you think the reason is. If
you take that as a rejection, you may read it as, Im sorry, but your body is unattractive and Id
rather not look at it.
However, thats not what she said.
In fact, the actual dialogue plays out more like this:
You: Why did you not want to look at me?
Her: Because I did not want to look at you.
With a response like this, she keeps ambiguity up, and keeps you guessing. You are then free to fill

in the blank with whatever answer seems most appropriate to you.

Its perfectly possible in this case the girl turned away because my body was simply that unsightly
to behold. Maybe she doesnt like pale skin, or perhaps my muscles arent big enough for her, or
maybe they were too big for her.
In fact, if shes self-conscious at all, she may want people to think this is the reason. Or she may
even backward rationalize after the fact that that was why she reacted that way, if she wasnt fully
aware of her own reasoning (and people often arent).
However, its also possible (and, in my opinion, much more likely) she turned away simply because
she was avoiding any possible temptation. Which is not to say she wouldve been irrevocably
aroused at beholding me, but rather to say she doesnt even want to entertain the risk, like a devout
religious man immediately turning off his computer if he accidentally opens up a pornography site.
He may not have been immediately turned on by the first woman he saw, but he didnt want to take
the risk, because to do so is to sin.
Or its even possible she just doesnt want to run the risk of feeling attraction for one a girlfriends
man. There are plenty of girls who love nothing better than to steal one anothers men, but there are
also some who just dont want to risk their friendships for a guy.
The point is, you dont know and shes not telling.
You can guess at which one it is, but you are limited to what you know of the woman herself, and
what you know of how women normally react to you.
We are Not Having Sex Tonight
Another classic example of not taking what women say at face value is when she says she isnt
having sex with you.
As you find out quickly enough when you start meeting lots of girls (provided you stick around and
keep trying after you hear this, and dont just pack up and go home... like many guys apparently
do), this actually means the opposite of what its face value implies:
If shes telling you youre not having sex tonight, youre probably having sex tonight.
In fact, this ones so clear-cut I did an article on it a while back on why its so bad for you if you
dont have sex with her after she says shes not having sex with you: We Are Not Having Sex
Tonight: What Happens When You Dont.
If a woman isnt considering sex with you, she doesnt say shes not having sex with you, because
she doesnt even think about the idea of sex with you. Its just not on her radar.
So why do women say something like this if the truth is the opposite?
Ambiguity. Women say what women say not because its the truth, but because it obscures their true
feelings and intentions. Both from you and from themselves.
Flirting as Ambiguity Play
Another way to think about flirting is as a way of showing women you understand their use of

ambiguity and dont buy into it (this is another side of the tests as flirting opportunities discussion
we had in 19 Common Ways Women Object to Men (and How to Beat These)).
For instance, say a woman says, Oh, I dont like guys with buzz cuts, and you have a buzz cut.
Well, if you take that at face value, youre out.
Youve got a buzz cut. She doesnt like buzz cuts.
Obviously there can be no romantic future here.
Yet, its another one of those ambiguous statements, isnt it?
You might ASSUME it means she doesnt like you. But women arent stringing together logical
sequences here. This isnt A doesnt like B, B = C, therefore A doesnt like C. This is mating, which
is infinitely more nuanced.
Its equally possible for her to say, I dont like guys with buzz cuts. BUT I like YOU.
All shes said here is she doesnt like men with buzz cuts. She hasnt passed a judgment on you.
And even if she did, oftentimes THAT is also flirting. She might say, I dont like you, and mean
she doesnt like any aspect of you in any way. But she might also say, I dont like you, and mean
the complete opposite: she might mean she really likes you. Tone and context are extremely
important.
Now... if instead of just walk away when she says she doesnt like guys with buzz cuts, if you flirt
back with her on it, it may fast become a game of her behaving ambiguously, and you calling her
out on it... or you behaving ambiguously as well, poking fun at her womanly ambiguity, and her
laughing at the silliness of it all.
Lets have a look:
Her: I dont like guys with buzz cuts.
You: Oh, Ill bet. You look like more of a mullet kind of girl.
Her: [laughs] Oh yeah. I only date men with mullets.
You: Thats good, because I only date girls with green Mohawks. Guess that means well both have
to change for each other.
Her: [laughs] Well, relationships are all about compromise.
You: I had a girlfriend who used to say that about me shaving my body hair. Hey, so [topic change]
All youre doing here is calling attention to her ambiguous statements:
She says she doesnt like guys with buzz cuts. Is she legitimately telling you to buzz off (not likely,
unless youve put her hard into auto-rejection), or is she challenging you to flirt with her? Its
ambiguous.
You respond by ignoring any implication that she might not like you and instead directly call her
out on hairstyle preference, telling her she looks like someone who likes a silly hairstyle (mullets).
This is you being ambiguous in turn... are you calling her lame, saying she goes for men with
mullets? Are you just teasing her?

She responds by agreeing with your facetious remark. Again, its ambiguous is she saying she will
not date you at all? Or is she just telling you her (fictitious) preferences for mullets?
You respond by directly calling her out and saying youll both have to change for each other. This is
you setting aside any ambiguity and setting up a were going to date frame she now has to either
accept or reject. Although she can continue to be ambiguous in her response... which she will
She accepts the frame, by saying relationships are about compromise. Yet, its still ambiguous,
because she could be saying, I intend to date you, but shes more likely just playing along with
the back-and-forth
You respond with a humorous anecdote with a little bait inside designed to make her start thinking
about you naked and chase you for an answer (e.g., So, do you have a lot of body hair?), then
change the topic since this ones kind of run its course and you dont want her to embarrass herself
with her lack of banter abilities (Relationships are about compromise is kind of lame... most
women wont be much wittier than this, and they know it, and you dont want them feeling selfconscious about not being able to go toe-to-toe with you)
So, in a way, flirting may really be a way to demonstrate to women that you understand their need
to wrap themselves up in ambiguity, and can tease them on it, gently try to nail them down on it,
and laugh with them as they continually squirm away.
You are, in effect, telling her, I see right through you, missy, and allow her to have fun crafting
ambiguous responses for a man who knows just what shes doing.
Why Does What Women Say Have to be Ambiguous?
There are a number of excellent reasons why a woman is better off being ambiguous instead of
being direct, not the least of which is that women wish to reserve the right to change their minds at
any moment.
You might find as a man that you seek, at least early in your dating/seducing career, to nail down
these slippery women and have them commit to something, darn it!
However, it is not in their nature to do so.
I like to use the buying a car analogy (Ive already used it several times on Girls Chase), so, in
keeping with that, imagine you are buying a car:
At every moment, the salesman wishes you would just commit to buying it
Yet at every moment, you seek to remain ambiguous on your intentions until you are
COMPLETELY sure
He might say, So, do you want it?
Youre going to say, Yeah, you know, I like it, Im thinking about it.
He might say, Can I get you to sign the contract today?
Youre going to say, Yeah, perhaps. I need a little time to think about it, but maybe.
He might say, The cars $18,000 out the door. Does that sound good?

Youre going to say, You know, I think I was looking for something a little less than this.
You dont say, Ill take it, or, Ill sign the contract, or, Ill pay $15,600 and not a penny more,
until youre already certain you want the vehicle, and thats not usually going to come until youve
done lots of deliberating, looked at a bunch of other cars, and evaded numerous earlier attempts by
him to nail you down on it.
Women are doing the same thing with you. Picking a man to go to bed with or start dating has a
number of potential repercussions for her:
She might fall in love with you
Dating you may impact her social status
Being with you likely closes off other men as options to her
Her partner count goes up when she sleeps with you
There are self-esteem risks of sleeping with you (e.g., if you treat her poorly after sex)
... and so on and so forth.
Its not like hooking up for a guy, where your buddies either congratulate you later on that hot girl
you hooked up with, and you feel good, or they bust your stones for shagging Bigfoot, and you
shake your head and laugh at your shenanigans and go out and pick up a much prettier girl the next
time.
Unlike for guys, usually, there are a lot of real repercussions for a girl in having sex.
So, the dynamic women have with most men ends up looking like:
She tries to keep it ambiguous
He tries to nail her down
... and it just goes back and forth like this.
She wants to reserve the right to change her mind at any point if she realizes you arent as much of
a catch as shed thought or hoped.
Even more than this, the men who really are catches tend to understand this and permit her to
remain ambiguous... they even joke around with her about her ambiguity (in the form of flirting).
Meanwhile, the men who get angry or frustrated at a girls ongoing ambiguity tend to signal they
arent that experienced with women and dont understand the womans world (or care about her
fears and worries).
Ambiguity ends up being an extremely useful tool for women to reserve judgment in all kinds of
situations, and ferret out from a man his qualification as a lover or boyfriend.
Theres No Benefit to Her in Being Clear
If you look at any of the women in this article:
The girl who turned away from me in a towel
The girl who says shes not having sex with you tonight
The girl who says she does not like men with buzz cuts
... ask yourself this:

In what way does she benefit by stating things clearly and unambiguously?
How is it beneficial if:
The girl says, I cant look at you because it risks temptation?
The girl says, Im probably having sex with you but dont want to look easy?
The girl says, I dont like buzz cuts but I actually find you attractive?
If youre inexperienced with women, this may feel good and exciting. You might think, Yes,
finally! A girl I at last have a shot with!
However, as we already know, women prefer men who are experienced with women over men who
are inexperienced with women. They prefer men with choice in whom they date over men who
arent exactly fending off propositions from pretty girls.
And when youre an experienced man, the reaction to unambiguous statements like this is more,
How cute. Shes quite inexperienced, and Ill bet shes an easy shag. Which is not typically how
women want you to see them.
Further, by coming out and saying this, she greatly reduces her ability to change her mind.
If she tells a man she does not want to feel tempted by him, most men are going to take this as an
invitation to try and tempt her more. Which is probably not what shes after here (though some
women do use snub game like this... usually because they really like men who give lots of chase).
If she tells a man shes going to have sex with him, then he does something off-putting and she
decides she doesnt want to have sex with him, hes going to start pleading or he may even grow
angry. Thats potentially a dangerous situation for her, whether socially, reputationally, or even
physically.
And if she tells a guy she likes him, only to later realize she read him all wrong and actually she
doesnt like him at all, shes going to have a much harder time simply walking away from him
without her following her, hounding her, or begging her to tell him whats wrong and why shes
changed her mind (and possibly cursing her out after as he spirals into auto-rejection... rather than
simply scratch his head and wonder what happened, as normally occurs when women simply bail
without a reason).
There is no benefit to her by removing ambiguity, yet LOADS of benefit to preserving it.
What women say is designed to tip the scale in their favor... just as what you say is designed to tip it
more in yours.
Just Play with What Women Say
Just treat what she does or says as something to play with.
Dont take it too seriously.
So long as you come at it this way, you can hit the proper stride:
Fun, flirty, and sufficiently playful.
Sure, youll occasionally flirt with some girl and discover she was dead serious and now shes
enraged at you for daring to try and flirt with her. This is pretty rare though, and should you

encounter this, all you have to do is glance around at anyone else witnessing it and shrug your
eyebrows in a Geez, whats wrong with her? way and youll invariably find everyone else gives
you Hey man, Im really sorry that crazy bird snapped at you look (often including her friends...
exceptions, of course, for those occasions where you may have legitimately overstepped your
bounds and not taken the hints that it was time for you to exit).
The huge, vast majority of the time however, what women say is simply a shroud of ambiguity
beneath which their true intentions are tangled up with additional meanings they may or may not
also intend.
Theres no point getting mad at the world for having these inscrutable creatures called women in
it... ambiguity is an inseparable part of womens nature.
Instead, I advise you to make your peace with it, take the time to understand it, and come to enjoy
playing around with women, calling them out on their ambiguity, and simply continuing to ply them
with reasons to continue hanging around with you, from the time you first meet them, until the
moment they fall into bed with you, and become yours.
In time, you will find you even come to enjoy womens ambiguous nature. Ill tell you this: it might
have frustrated me when I was first starting out, but these days its a lot more fun interacting with an
ambiguous, womanly woman, than it is to run into one of those gals who just tells you facts about
her feelings and leaves nothing to the imagination. There is no fun in that and if you keep at this
long enough, Im quite confident youll come to agree.
Yours,
Chase Amante

19 Common Ways Women Object to Men (and How to Beat These)

Its frustrating as all get-out when things are going swell with a gal, only for her to suddenly pull
out a trick you havent seen before and BLAM! Youre blindsided, floundering, and shes lost
interest.
These are commonly referred to as tests, but, as mentioned in my latest newsletter (which youve
either received already, or will soon, if youre signed up for the Girls Chase newsletter), all tests
really are is a woman inviting you to flirt.
Flirt well, and her comfort with you goes up. She relaxes... Ah, okay. This guy really is as cute as I
hoped he was.
The ability to flirt successfully is THE most important part of attraction and seduction... men who
can do it succeed regularly with women well above their looks, smarts, and income brackets. Men
who cant struggle to get women with a fraction of their paper credentials.
One component of flirting is the knowledge of how to respond to various themes and patterns you
see again and again with girls. That largely comes from experience you meet enough girls, flirt
with enough of them, and you start to see and hear the same objections again and again, and
gradually begin to build up a repertoire of responses youve cooked up to dismantle these
objections.

Before we dive into this one, I recommend reading or rereading these articles, because the base
understanding of what is going on is more important for your progress than a handful of memorized
responses:
When Women Test Men
Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Womens Objections
Why Do Women Test? To Find Dominant Males
15 Signs a Girl Will Waste Your Time
Also, these four, crucial for being able to respond to tests in attractive ways:
How to Flirt with a Girl
Teasing a Girl the Right Way
Tactics Tuesdays: Mastering Playful Banter with Women
How to Be Playful: 4 Tips Youll NEED
That done, lets arm you with some go-to responses for some of the most frequent objections youre
likely to encounter.
IMPORTANT NOTE: when we look at responses below, keep in mind that the type of response
depends upon how the objection is delivered. The same words can be used in wholly different ways.
For instance, if a woman tells you, I will never sleep with you, and she says it in a sexy voice
while leaning in and grinning at you, thats a categorically different kind of objection than if she
leans back with a look of disgust on her face, crosses her arms, looks off into the distance, and then
says, I will never sleep with you.
Objection Category #1: Compliance
Women will ask you for compliance or refuse your compliance requests much of the time as tests.
Like all objections/tests, these can be make or break moments for your courtships... so make sure
you address them properly.
I Dont Think I Can Do That
You get this when you ask a woman to comply with something, and she balks: she doesnt think she
can:
You: We should grab a bite or a drink sometime.
Her: I dont think I can do that.
Solid response: [playfully] Of course you can; now put your number right here in the phone and
well set it up. Why this works: youre commanding her in a confident, playful way, and
overcoming her resistance. Its charming, and stands a fair chance of swaying her back to your side.
Great response: [lean in and smile mischievously at her] Oh? Whys that? Why this works: youre
asking her what the problem is, which forces her to bring it to light (so you can address it), while at
the same time communicating through your body language that you dont buy her objection for one
minute. Whatever reason she gives you for not thinking she can do that, you can then go around
(her: Well, its just that Im really busy this week; you: No problem, well do it next week. Put
your number in).
Can You Wait for Me?

This one may be a major test or not a test at all, depending on the context.
If youre on a date with her or shes leaving personal belongings with you, or all her friends are
hanging right near you, and shes just running off to use the washroom, all you have to say here is,
Sure, or, Ill be here. Maybe give her a smile and a wink.
If she says she wants you to wait at the bar for her while she goes to the washroom, and youve just
met, and she isnt leaving anything of hers with you besides an empty glass, the odds of her coming
back are almost nil.
Well address that second scenario, since thats the one thats going to trip your test sensors.
Solid response: I may move, so lets trade cells and well catch up later. This one has a strong
pro in that it gets you her contact detail and now the pressure is off for you to find each other later.
You can link back up with her. However, it also has a strong con, in that you communicate a desire
not to lose track of her while shes already on the way out, and additionally that it removes any
urgency she might otherwise feel to chase you down later. That makes this one good, but not
great.
Great response: I may move about; lets catch up with each other over yonder or Ill probably
head over that way; come find me once youre back out. Either response is very solid because it
takes her attempt to make you comply and shifts it back onto her. Why this works: now instead of
you waiting for her, she will have to seek you out. Not only does this make her put in work to get
you, but it positions you as the one whos scarcer. Obviously, only women who are pretty interested
in you will do this, but the ones who dont mostly wouldnt have been all that excited about meeting
up with you for a date had you grabbed a phone number from them, either.
Will you [buy/do something] for me?
When a woman you hardly know is asking you to buy her things or do her favors, either your
provider vibe is a touch too strong, or shes very much on the hunt for a provider. Thats different
from you offering to buy or do something for girls; there are certainly ways to make that approach
work for you (though you dont need to). If shes asking, its a test.
Could be she wants you to buy her a drink, or carry her bag. Doesnt matter what the request is for;
if it feels a little much or a little over-the-top for where youre at with a girl, its a test... and needs
to be responded to as such.
Solid response: Only if you [X] for me. This response sets conditions for complying. For
instance, Ill hold your bag if you carry my coat and heavy briefcase. No? Okay. Or, Ill buy you a
drink if you buy me a nice big juicy steak from the bar. No? All right. Why this works: you dont
turn her down directly, but instead flirt back by asking for something even more burdensome of her
which is both fun, and points out the onerousness of her request (just in case she hadnt realized
it... but she had).
Great response: [with a bored look] No, Im not going to hold your bag / buy you a drink! What do
I look like... sheesh! Imagine Harrison Ford saying this, if you need face / delivery examples for it.
Why this works: its a test. You know its a test and she knows its a test. By pointing out the
absurdity of it, in a playful-yet-firm way, you shine a spotlight on it and tell her to knock this off.
Hold on a second...
If youve been chatting with her for 5 or 10 minutes, and she says this because shes getting an
urgent phone call or someones just butted in and forced her to break circle, just give her a nod, then
turn away a little and stare off into the distance or clean your boots or your fingernails or what have
you. No big deal. Only becomes a problem if shes distracted for a really long time... say 5+
minutes. If thats the case, you may have to tell her, Hey, seems like youre engrossed, Im going

to mosey on over there...come find me later.

Now, the real problem with this one comes when you get it on your initial approach:
You: Excuse me, I saw you stHer: Hold on for a second. [turns back to her phone / other person / etc.]
When you get this, odds are you fumbled on the approach: you walked up to a girl who was in the
midst of a sticky conversation, or you caused her to break circle somewhat inelegantly. Before she
can speak with you, she has to finish her conversation. However, if you just stand there and wait for
her... and then youre going to deliver your opener after that? Youd better have something amazing
to say, because otherwise... you look like a goof.
Solid response: No, wait, hold on, this is important: then, once you have her attention, give her a
POWERFUL opener (will probably have to be a compliment opener). Why this works: you dont
allow her to impose her frame on you, and instead get her to bend to yours and deliver your opener.
You lose points for social insensitivity, but you gain points for boldness/confidence.
Great response: [you motion over to a spot in the distance and gesture at it] Come find me after,
you say to her in a whisper. Then, you head over there, take a seat, and people watch / zone out until
she approaches. Why this works: unlike the previous example, you show great social awareness by
giving her space to finish up her previous conversation. However, you dont just wait around for her
either; you dont even try to squeeze your opener in. Instead, you give her a command to come find
you once shes done, and tell her where to go. Then, you go there and wait. Social pressure on her to
do so, and if she does so, its a whole lot of compliance, which starts you off on the right foot. Will
girls always come over? ... no, because sometimes Hold on a sec is a brush off masquerading as
busyness. But when they do, you have an easy compliance ladder: she walks over and says, Whats
up? and you say, Have a seat. Then she sits, and instead of answering her question and telling
her whats up, you say, Have you ever noticed how beautiful this park is? or another tangent like
this. Then you can tell her why you wanted to chat with her.
Further Reading on Compliance
If you want still stronger compliance game, I suggest you read through these articles:
Compliance Stacking
Tactics Tuesdays: Command Women (and Have Them Listen)
How to Use Compliance Tests to Move Fast with Girls
How to Get Her to Say Yes
What If She Says No?
Objection Category #2: Looks / Type
The next category of objections is on looks or type.
You will most often get these when encountering an attainability problem of some sort or the other.
But you cant just tell her shes exactly your type, or you think shes perfect just as she is either it
works, and you swing from unattainable to no challenge, or she doesnt buy it, thinks youre
pulling her leg, and your attainability drops even farther.
Matter-of-fact doesnt cut it here (usually); you must flirt.

What kind of girls do you date?

Tricky question. On the one hand, its a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-dont bind where either
you tell her you date girls like her, and slide into no challenge land, or you tell her you dont date
girls like her and risk becoming unattainable.
Worse still, it threatens to turn your romance and sex life into a dry, fact-based conversation, killing
the mystery of it and turning your sensuality platonic. Ugh. You need a good response.
Solid response: All kinds of girls. But only ones I think are pretty and engaging. Why this works:
you keep your type sufficiently ambiguous, yet still communicate standards. And if youre
showing interest in her, shell assume you find her pretty and interesting, which means she has a
chance.
Great response: [said playfully] Girls like you. But I dont know if youre my type. Why this
works: classic push-pull: you start off with a high attainability move, then playfully take (some of)
it back. The next question from her, of course, will naturally be, Why not? And at that point, you
may flirt away (Well, I dont usually date girls who wear yellow).
Do you like blondes or brunettes?
This is the same sort of question as the last one: an am I your type kind of question. As such,
youre going to use the same kinds of responses.
Solid response: I look for chemistry. If you and I have chemistry, your hair colors now my
favorite. Why it works: youre setting a new bar chemistry and rejecting the either-or
distinction without being clich or no-challenge about it (I love all kinds of hair colors!). You
simply tell her My standards are based on something different than that.
Great response: Actually, I prefer my women bald. Would you be willing to shave for me? Why it
works: blondes or brunettes is a dumb, pointless question and she knows it. Who cares if you like
blondes or brunettes? So, you make fun of the question, and set up a barrier and now you likely
even build some callback humor you can use later (e.g., you try to take her home and she says, But
I thought you only liked bald women and you say, Yeah, well fix that. Ive got an electric razor at
home. Come on).
Have you ever dated an [X] girl before?
Youll get this most often with women of a different type from you who are strongly into you,
asking if youve dated women like themselves. She could be a South American gal asking if youve
ever dated a Latina before, or a black girl asking if youve ever dated a black girl before, or
whatnot. Its almost just a way for her to say, Hey, you can date me, if you want to... but shes still
going to be monitoring your answer for signs of low value (acting too eager) or low attainability
(acting too aloof).
Solid response: Once upon a time, and it was marvelous, if you have, or, No are you angling to
be my first? if you havent. Why it works: you either give girls like her top marks if youre
experienced, without outright saying I will date you, or playfully ask if she wants to be yours,
without saying you will be hers, yet implying youd be open to it.
Great response: Yes, once, and I hope to do it again, if you have, or, No. Youll be the first.
Why it works: youre feeding off of a strong sign of interest here from her and giving her back even
stronger interest + confidence, in a suave and cool way. If she wasnt already swooning, she will be
now.

Wouldnt you rather meet someone cuter?

Youll hear this if you go dumpster diving, of course; sometimes this can even be a sign you should
take your beer goggles off for a moment and decide if this girl really measures up to what you ought
to be going for. However, youll also get this one from really pretty girls sometimes who arent all
that dressed up, or are a little older, or dont think of themselves as hot for whatever reason.
Solid response: Dont be so hard on yourself. Youre at least half as cute as [some famous gal].
Why it works: more push-pull. Theres the set up (Dont be so hard on yourself), where you imply
youre about to tell her shes gorgeous. Then theres the punch line: shes at least half as cute as
some celebrity. Make sure you pick an attractive celebrity for this. If you want to pick an
unattractive one, tell her shes way cuter than [unattractive famous gal].
Great response: [said playfully] Are you calling my standards low? Why it works: this one works
on a lot of levels. On one level, its a distinct us vs. the world frame, where youre saying you and
her are really on about the same playing field (which helps the apparent attainability problem you
were suffering). On another level, youre making fun of her for suggesting a man who is interested
in her must have low standards, which is really what she was saying and thats going to put it into
perspective pretty quickly (if a man being interested in her means he has low standards, well, theres
no use worrying about the standards of men who are interested in her because the only men shell
ever meet are men who are interested in her, and theyll all have about the same standards).
Im not pretty enough for you.
Youll hear this sometimes from women with low self-esteem, but youll also hear it from some
really beautiful girls who are very into you, yet have hyper feminine attitudes about dating (where
they behave extremely shy and demure and let the man chase them / compliment them).
Solid response: Are you kidding? Youre gorgeous. Followed immediately by a quick topic
change. Why it works: you give her the confidence / sign of interest she was looking for, then move
right along. Pretty straightforward.
Great response: Youre the most beautiful girl Ive met in weeks. Maybe youre not pretty enough
for me, but if I go by your standards Im going to lead a very lonely life. Now come on, and lead
her somewhere or ask for compliance. Why it works: lots of stuff happening in here: you qualify
her, then reinforce her ideas about your standards (Maybe that is true), then explain why you are
compromising those standards (expecting to meet girls prettier than her, even if you deserve em,
is quite frankly unrealistic), then have her invest. Easy way to make her swoon.
Wow, shes GORGEOUS. I so wished I looked like that.
When a woman comments on another womans beauty like this, its simply to see what you think of
this other woman (in relation to herself).
Solid response: Id do you both. Why it works: you give neither the low value answer (You are
way more beautiful than her!) nor the low attainability answer (Yeah, shes pretty hot, isnt
she?). Instead, you playfully say youd sleep with her and this other girl, which gives both women
your stamp of approval/attraction... however, because its flirting, she doesnt know if youre
serious or not. You might be... or you might not be. Intrigue, anticipation, excitement kryptonite
for women.
Great response: And I wish I had six pack abs. I guess were both a couple of suckers. Why it

works: you set a strong us vs. the world frame while tying you and her to the same level and
pointing out how little it matters whether one of you looks like somebody else. Its a very real
remark, and is both high value and high attainability.
Oh, come on. Im not your type at all.
A woman saying this is telling you shes dealing with some real attainability issues with you, while
setting up a barrier for you to either qualify yourself or rule yourself out. Careful here, because its
easy to slip into either no challenge or unattainable land if you react the wrong way.
Solid response: I dont have a type. So how could you not be it? Why it works: you do neither of
the expected things (i.e., either agreeing with her or reassuring her), and instead tell her you dont
have a type, which rejects the frame entirely along with her rationale for why the two of you
wont work. Its quite playful/flirty, and a lot of fun.
Great response: As a matter of fact I like women who are above 62 with backgrounds in
toxicology and power-lifting. But we can still be friends. Why it works: by listing out some absurd
and patently unattractive standards, you lampoon the whole not your type line of reasoning... then
go on to tell her you can still be friends, with a smile and a wink. With friends here meaning
something more than friends... if you catch my drift. Be flirty in your deliver, and she will catch it.
Im too old for you.
This ones either a barrier, or an attainability issue. Straightforward:
Solid response: Definitely. Hows life in the assisted living center? Why it works: standard agreeand-amplify. You highlight the silliness of her age argument by taking it to the extreme.
Great response: Actually, youre a breath of fresh air. I could use a break from women my age.
Why it works: older women resent younger women across the board, who have supplanted them at
the top of the sexual marketplace. By communicating you are just as irked by these women, not
only do you create an us vs. the world scenario, but you dial your attainability up to exactly the
right measure, letting her know you arent going to ignore her and run off as soon as a cute girl 4 or
5 years younger than her flits across your path.
For more on dealing with older women, see:
Younger Men and Older Women
Youre so old!
If you think you might run into age as an issue, its usually better to head this one off at the pass and
ask first... that way you can be the one who puts the pressure on her (Oh God, youre a baby!).
However, if you arent quick on the draw (hey, it happens as you get older), and she draws the agegun first, you cant deal with it by making an issue of her age right back, because then it just seems
like youre competing. Instead, you must flirt.
Solid response: Im not that old. I barely even served in World War II. Why it works: more agreeand-amplify. Point out the silliness of it by pointing out that in truth you are not that old.
Great response: Well, usually I try to stick to the grannies but all the ones here are married. Why
it works: theres some agree-and-amplify in here, plus you disqualify her (grannies are your first
choice; shes your second), while also upping attainability by obliquely expressing interest (if you

usually go for grannies, but are now talking to her, that means you are now going for her). This
ones lots of fun.
For more on dealing with younger women, see:
Dating Younger Women: Does It Make You Dirty?
Attracting and Dating Younger Women
Objection Category #3: Mindset / Intentions
Our third and final category is objections about your mindset or intentions. In these examples, she is
trying to nail you down, figure out exactly what youre all about, and reduce her uncertainty. Yet if
you respond in too matter-of-fact a way, that kills all the fun, doesnt it?
And so... you must flirt.
So what are your intentions?
... or, its close cousin, What do you want with me?
Depending on the phrasing, she may be asking because shes genuinely confused... or, she may be
asking because she wants to be more forward with you, but would prefer to have you be the one
who crosses that threshold first.
This is one with numerous potential solid and great responses, but they will all depend on what your
read is like. For instance...
If you can tell shes pretty into you and is probably already thinking about hitting the sack with you:
A solid response here is: To keep spending time with you and see where this goes.
A great response, if you can pull off the delivery, may be: Well, it might be fun to strip each other
naked and knock boots. Or we could eat pizza and talk about life. Or maybe all of the above, or
something else entirely. Lets see where the night leads.
On the other hand, if youre getting the Uh, Im really not sure whats going on here vibe (more
likely if youre newer; less likely if youre fairly skilled... but we all have our off-days), answers
like the above are more likely to be too much for her, and youre better off with responses like
these:
Solid: I have no intentions. I just go with the flow. Are you enjoying this flow so far?
Great: I dont know yet. Still making up my mind. But I enjoy your company and would like to
continue spending time with you.
The latter is the stronger response because it makes it clear you want to continue spending time with
her its less strong if you leave that part out (e.g., if you simply say But Im enjoying your
company and leave it at that... she may feel pressure to leave even if she likes you at that point,
since youve given her no clue as to whether you sincerely mean that or youre just saying it to be
polite. So, if you use this one, include a bit about wanting to continue to spend time with her).
Im over the hook-up scene.
This one, quite often, is simply something a woman (usually an older one) says when your
attainability is a tad on the low side. Its just another way of saying, Hey pal: Im not just some sex

doll you can pick up and then discard.

Solid response: Thats good, because I only ever have passionate, romantic affairs myself. Why it
works: this is solid because you address her direct concern, that this is some mindless conquest
youre setting up. Instead, you tap into her desire for romance... which is something pretty much
every woman has.
Great response: You are afraid I am a cold and heartless a playboy. What causes you to feel I am
anything other than a lover and a romantic? Why it works: this is a next-level response in many
ways. First, the reframe: she says I dont do that, you say So I intimidate you, do I. Her original
sentiment is meant in an authoritative, lecturing librarian type way: I dont do that. Your response is
to treat her like a timid schoolgirl... in a flirty way, of course. Second, you ask her what causes her
to feel you are not a lover and a romantic, implying this is what she wants... and you are now free to
frame yourself as that, and tell her its what she wants.
By the way, this is a cold read more than anything; when a woman says Im over the hookup
scene, what shes really saying is, Im tired of sex that makes me feel bad in the morning. By
framing yourself as the romantic lover, you show her that, instead, what you have to offer is sex that
will make her feel good.
Im not going to go home with you.
Once youve heard this 10+ times from various girls, it can be tempting to be flip: Thats fine, we
can just go to yours instead, since quite often the girls who tell you this end up doing exactly the
opposite of the statement 10 or 15 minutes later. Getting flip doesnt help you though; you need to
stay calm and be flirty.
Solid response: [mischievous smile] Who said anything about us going home together? Why it
works: assuming she said this before you mentioned going home with her, you communicate quite
clearly that you know she was thinking about this herself, and was responding to her own thoughts
not to you. Which means she wants to go home with you and is trying to fight herself. Which
means... yeah, you know. She wants you. And you know it. And now she knows you want it.
Because she all but told you. Fun stuff.
Great response: ignore it. That looks like this:
You: [blah blah talking about something]
Her: Im not going home with you, you know.
You: [briefly pause, as if just slightly registering her words, then continue with whatever you were
saying]
Her: Hey, did you hear me? Im not going home with you, you know.
You: [briefly pause again] ... you said that. Anyway [blah blah]
Make no verbal acknowledgement or acceptance: no yeah, okay, sure, etc. If she repeats
herself (and she likely will), all you say is You said that after pausing a half second. Why it
works: you never acknowledge or accept her statement, so she never gets to say, Okay good; he
agrees to the rule, and shut off the thought running through her head that she might go home with
this guy. Instead, you leave it open and unaddressed. Aim to pull her within five (5) minutes of her
saying this its an escalation window, and one that wont stay open long (because shes pretty hot
for it).

You must think Im a complete slut.

Girls will say this one when they feel like theyre chasing you for a hookup but youre a little more
of a provider-type. Its essentially a move to feel you out: will you be okay with a hookup? Or are
they chatting with the wrong guy?
You may be tempted to say, No, not at all! but that sounds like politeness and shes likely to back
off (unless shes really got the hots for you). Alternately, if youre sexually experienced, you may
take an ego hit from this and feel the need to express your experience with a line like, As a matter
of fact, Im a pretty big slut myself, but this just puts you into a competition with her while
robbing her of her fantasy: that she is the sexually aggressive woman picking up this sexy providerish kind of guy and being, perhaps, his wildest or randomest lay.
Solid response: Actually, you seem to just go for whatever you want. I quite admire that trait in a
woman. Why it works: its fairly vanilla, so wont offend, but it wont detract from her fantasy of
you being a provider she can pick up for anonymous sex, either. Further, because its much more
specific than No, not at all! it comes across much more sincerely.
Great response: [look her up and down (check her out), then, in a sexual voice, say:] Thats not
what I was thinking. Why it works: well, you havent told her what you were thinking, but its
implied. Follow it up with a mischievous smile. Then change the subject. Oh, and dont forget to
pull sometime inside the next five minutes (preferably in two or three); her dropping a line like this
on you is a major window.
Did you come here alone?
Youll encounter this one when you go out alone, of course. Its used to find out if youre a weirdo
or a really cool guy... since if you go out alone, youre either a weirdo, or extremely cool. Also, if
shes asking you this and theres otherwise a connected, sexual vibe between you and her, she may
be using it to feel out whether you are down for a roll in the hay.
Solid response: I was out with my buddies earlier, but they tapped out and went home. Now its
just me. Why it works: you get some implicit social proof since you were out with friends (so
youre not a weirdo), you sound quite confident for staying out on your own, and you also
communicate that you are clearly on the hunt for a woman, which will encourage her to be more
explicit with you if she is on the hunt for a man.
Great response: [sexual tone and eye contact, sexy smile] Yes. Why it works: all the benefits of
the previous one, minus the social proof, but plus a ton of intrigue, mystery, and enough sexual
tension to arouse an asexual. A sexy vibe + yes is really all you need here.
I bet you do this all the time.
This is another one that sounds far worse than it is.
If she bets you do this all the time, she saying:
Youre pretty good at this, which means practice
If she thinks youre pretty good, that means shes affected
However, it also feels a little low attainability
Shes basically saying, Im impressed, but Im having a little trouble feeling like this is really all
for me; i.e., that I am special, and not just the lucky girl you ran your lines on.

Solid response: Only every third Tuesday of the month. Why it works: this is another agree-andamplify response. In this case, you give her a ridiculously specific and nonsensical answer about
when you go out and do this, which she can laugh about and enjoy. This does not rebuild
attainability though, so you will still need to do that after (perhaps a little deep diving or
connection-building is in order).
Great response: What, talk to a pretty girl? Well, I havent had a girlfriend in ages, so... not that
often. Why it works: first, the reframe: when she says do this, she means youre running your
game... she suspects youve got this whole system you follow. When you say What, talk to a pretty
girl? you throw out the system notion and make it something natural.
Next, you say I havent had a girlfriend in ages, which is an attainability move (and attainability
was what she was lacking); you say I havent had a girlfriend in ages, therefore I dont do this that
often. Which she knows doesnt perfectly line up (maybe the reason you havent had a girlfriend in
ages is because you do this a whole heck of a lot), but it sounds really nice and also suggests you
might maybe possibly be thinking about her as a girlfriend, so plus attainability. However, its all
very vague here, so you dont have to worry too much about turning yourself into a boyfriend
candidate... its not clear how you mean the word girlfriend: you could mean significant other, you
could mean sex partner, you could mean female friend. It isnt clear.
The Key to Beating Objections
Just remember: flirt.
Make it flirty and fun. Dont take it so seriously... its not serious.
Its just a game. Enjoy it. If you do, she will, most likely.
And if shes enjoying spending time with you, good things will come of it.
Chase
When Women Test Men
Women nearly universally display a social behavior with men they like that's often referred to as
"testing." Testing is what women do when they're looking to see if a man is strong and congruent
with himself; in other words, if he really is all the man he's presenting himself to be.
Asking a man to do something for her, or teasing him with sexual suggestions to see if he jumps at
the opportunity or gets overexcited, or dropping hints with regards to her own promiscuity or
relationship status to see if he gets defeated and walks away all those are "tests," and there are
many other varieties.
Testing often gets a bad rap with men. It gets called annoying, frustrating, or petty but still, all but
the absolute most innocent, trusting, inexperienced women the ones who don't know men any
better yet do it. But why do women test men, and how do you act in testing situations? That's the
subject of this post: what to do when women test you.

Why Women Test Men

You've got to understand first that when a woman is dealing with a man she's considering as a
potential mate, one of her top priorities is finding out if this guy really is a strong, confident,
successful man. In both primal times and still today, ending up pregnant with the child of a weak,
unsuccessful man meant and means bad news: lack of proper support from that man; lack of
protection by him; susceptibility to the risks of the weak (jealousy, insecurity, anger, spousal abuse);
a far higher chance of having a weak child.
Weak men are dangerous men.
But a woman can't go by just what a man says when she's trying to assess his strength. If she asks a
man, "Are you a strong, successful, confident man?" every single man, no matter how true or not it
is for him, is going to say, "Why yes of course I am."
There's a learning curve in women; the least experienced women often haven't realized the need to
test men yet, so might not test men much, and what tests they do try are clumsy and weaker men
make it past them more easily. As women grow in experience with men, though, their tests get
tighter and more pointed and they get better at figuring out the strong men from the rest with speed,
accuracy, and efficiency.
In the game of mating, the arms race is ongoing; the men who want to position themselves as ideal
mates and cover up their flaws, and the women who want to separate the wheat from the chaff and
expose what flaws exist and where they exist.
Women test men to better to know who those men really are. They test them to know whether they
truly are strong or whether they're just pretenders. They use tests because the same test that rolls
off the nose of a strong man without ruffling a single feather of his will completely throw off a less
confident man, and send him scrambling into damage control.
As it were, tests are an extremely effective method for women to find out how strong and successful
and confident a man really is, because responses to tests are quite difficult to fake. Women are
looking mostly at a man's nonverbals, and nonverbals are extremely challenging to misrepresent. It's
easier to just get strong and confident and successful than it is to fake being strong and confident
and successful.
For understanding why women test, it's helpful to understand the emotions a woman is feeling when
she tests. The emotions typically are one of the following:
Playfulness
Frustration
Disgust
Dismissal
All, stated otherwise, "borderline" emotions. Emotions she feels when she's on the fence about a
guy and not dead-set on going to bed with him or, conversely, on counting him out as a sexual
option altogether.
If a woman is testing a man playfully, it's because she's interested, but not yet convinced. She's
enjoying spending time with him, but doesn't take him fully seriously yet (that doesn't mean she
won't later). Her sentiment is basically, "This guy is cute. I wonder if he's the real deal..."

If a woman's testing a man in frustration, disgust, or dismissal, she's in one of a variety of stages of
auto-rejection and is, by testing him, throwing him a lifeline at redemption. Her sentiment is
basically, "I hope he says or does the right thing in response to this test and makes me change my
mind about him."
Take note that women will not test two specific types of men:
Men they are 100% committed to being with, and
Men they are 100% not interested in.
So if you're not being tested, it's because a woman either has written you off entirely as not a valid
option, or she's so entranced and in-love with you that she hasn't a doubt in her mind that you are
the one she wants to be with. An example of the former the guy she's written off might be a guy
she's just friends with in a very platonic way. An example of the latter the guy she's head-overheels with might be a guy who's in a local rock band and she knows exactly what she wants with
him a quick fling or one-night stand, for instance and she's fully committed to getting it.

Passing the Tests Women Give

The first thing you'll need to start successfully passing tests from women is a good understanding of
the Law of Least Effort in social situations. You want to be getting maximal results with minimal
visible effort whenever and wherever possible socially.
The impact a good understand of the Law has on your responses to testing is immediate. Once you
know you shouldn't be jumping up and down and bending over backward for women who haven't
already put in a similar level of investment for you (and even if they have put in a lot, you still don't
want to go too far), you'll stop making some of the most common mistakes men make.
Here's how women test men, with a handful of the more common tests you'll see, and here to is how
men often fail those tests:
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Sure, definitely. What do you want?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg
Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don't like being touched.
Man: Oh, sorry. [moves hand]
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.
Man: Oh, okay.
Scenario Four: Temptation

Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?

Man: Umm... nothing! I just want to talk to you!
If you possess even a small degree of social intuition, you can feel in your gut that those responses
to women are weak and wrong. As for women, they have a lot more than a mere modicum of social
intuition, and those kinds of responses ring like alarm bells telling them the man responding this
way is not a man of strength and self-possession. Quite often, a single weak response like this can
be enough to sink you.
Think about that for a moment there: one weak response can derail an entire seduction.
That's especially true early on; once a woman is fairly certain she likes you, and she's invested in
you, you're allowed a little leeway, so if you slip up a bit later on, you stand better odds of getting a
second chance than had you made a similar slip before she started feeling connected to you and
before she became invested in you. This is why it's so important to move fast with women and start
on deep diving right away and get them investing in and connecting to you in a hurry. The sooner a
woman's invested in and connected to you, the fewer tests you'll see, and the more slack you'll be
given if your responses aren't perfectly on point at times.
Back to the tests themselves. Thing is, if you're a beginner or you're early in the intermediate phase
of developing your skill set with women, even if you know these kinds of responses where you
put in too much effort by over-investing or by retreating on your positions or defending yourself
are wrong, you still do them anyway. Why is that?
It's mostly because, until you've been battle-hardened a bit, you won't be prepared to react. All the
martial arts training in the world won't do much to steel you against that first big fight you end up
in; once you have a bunch of men socking you in the face, all those years of training go out the
window and you fall back on pure instinct and defensiveness. It takes repeated exposure to
situations where you're getting physically hit to be able to remain calm and to follow your training
despite the immediacy of the situation. This is every bit as true with meeting women and riding out
tests; even when you know exactly how you ought to respond to a test, early on you'll often find
yourself defaulting to weak or defensive responses regardless.
Don't beat yourself up too much over this; just recognize that you need more exposure and more
time in the field meeting live women and experiencing the things women test men with in real life
to develop the thick skin to it you need to remain calm and composed and follow your training.
Let's have a look now at some examples of how a collected, self-assured man would reply to the
same tests we used above from women. Facial expressions, body language, and tonality are all
crucial here; a woman's paying even more attention to what you communicate nonverbally than to
what you say verbally when you respond to a test of hers. You want to be a sexy man and be
charming and evocative as you reply so don't just work on the words; work on the delivery, too.
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Maybe later, if you're good. What brought you out tonight?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg

Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don't like being touched.
Man: You mean like this? [slapping other hand on her right next to where first one is, and smiling
like he's just about to start laughing; it's a game to him]
Girl: I just don't like it when people I don't know touch me.
Man: [laughs] Okay, party pooper. You want an awkward wall of no-touching between us, fine.
[moves hands] I still might go find a ruler or something to reach out and caress your cheek with
later once you've decided I'm the man of your dreams.
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.
Man: Yes you can. Come sit with me; it's just over here. You'll be plenty close to your friends.
Scenario Four: Temptation
Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?
Man: Well, the first thing I want to do with you is have you keep me company while I drink my
drink. After that... hmm, we'll see.

Maintain Your Cool

The most important part about passing a test is maintaining your cool and staying composed. Even
if you do do what the girl asks you to do, do it like you meant to do it and wanted to do it anyway.
Remember that seeking to throw you off balance either playfully, or in the hopes that you'll turn
around her views of you is the principal driving motivator in how women test men. Women do
many things with the intention of exploring a man's reaction; it's how they learn about him and his
feelings toward them. By keeping your composure and staying cool, you communicate that you are
in-control, self-possessed, non-needy, and every bit the kind of man she hopes you are.
Above all, don't resent women for testing you. They test every man they aren't 100% certain of,
whose minds they don't feel they can read 100%, and even after you've slept with a girl, even after
you've made her your girlfriend, even after you've made her your wife, she'll keep testing you
anyway for the rest of your and her time together. She must constantly assess if you continue to be
strong enough to protect her and provide for her, and whether you're showing signs of instability,
weakness, or decay because, as we mentioned at the beginning of this post, those things are very
dangerous to women. Strong, confident men don't harm and hinder women. Weak, unstable ones do.
So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly
to yourself every time you face a test whether you pass, or whether you don't because you'll
know that each time, you're getting trained a little more about what to expect, and a little more of
the fog of war is being lifted as you become better and better prepared to face and handle tests
going forward.

Also note that whether you're using chase frames and flirting with girls effectively or not is going to
play a big role in whether you receive tests; as you position yourself more and more as the pursued,
and her more and more as the pursuer, it is increasingly you who will be testing her and not the
other way around.
Ultimately, with time, as you learn to handle them properly and as you employ more chase framing
and flirting in your interactions, tests fade in importance from your awareness. Someone asked me a
few months ago if women still test me. I said, "No, they don't; I can't remember the last time I got
tested." But then I thought about it, and I realized that yes, they test me all the time; I just am so
comfortable with tests that I always pass with flying colors and they don't even register as tests. Just
like women's objections, you come to smile at tests and know that they are opportunities that, when
handled properly, you'll see a noticeable spike in attraction and interest following your handling of
them.
So, I won't say "enjoy tests," because while with time you'll come to enjoy them, first you've got to
get through that initial period where they genuinely are a pain to deal with. But, if you put in the
time meeting women and getting to know them, you'll face many a test down the line, and the more
you face, the more you'll come to handle them with confidence and panache. So maybe, don't enjoy
tests... but do try not to mind them too much.
Chase
Due to the level of cognitive dissonance for many readers/commenters on this one, I've written a
follow-up article - if you're wondering "Do I HAVE to deal with women's tests?!", see this article
next: "Do You Really Need to Learn Game to Get Girls?"
Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Women's Objections
In the seductions of every man, there comes a time when his woman begins to object. What are
you doing? shell say. I dont think we should be doing this. We cant do this, its too soon.
We cant do this, were friends.
Most of the time, this stops men cold, freezing them in their tracks with no recourse and no idea
what to say or do. Crap, the guy thinks. Shes protesting. What do I do now?? So, rather than
take uncertain action with uncertain effects, he does nothing, and nothing happens, and the girl
leaves. The seduction is forfeit, and he has lost his girl.
But objections dont have to mark the end of a seduction. In fact, you can actually use objections to
make a girl want you more, and make her more certain that youre the man for her. And it all ties
back to some psychological basics to understand why.

Getting Objections is a Good Thing

Late in the year 2001, after Id graduated from high school, my boss at the tire store I worked for
plucked me from the back of the shop to have me be more than a simple grunt working on cars, and
started sending me to sales training. Sales training was great for me; at a time I still struggled
mightily with people, it gave me some tools to use in all kinds of situations that extended outside of
sales.

One of the most important lessons I took away from my sales training that year was about
addressing objections. Most people, my sales instructor said, cringe when they get an objection.
They shut down and stutter and stammer and they lose the sale. But not us. We love objections.
Know why? None of us did. We love objections because, he continued, objections give us the
chance to sell the customer on the product further.
He explained that when a customer raised an objection, that wasnt a problem it was an
opportunity. An opportunity to talk more about the product. An opportunity to showcase more of its
features and explain more of its benefits. An opportunity to bring the customer one step farther from
no and one step closer to yes.
Objections tell you shes thinking about it. Objections mean shes on the fence. If shes made up her
mind and decided she wants you she says yes, if shes made up her mind and decided she isnt
interested she simply leaves. If shes resisting but staying put though that girl, you know shes still
trying to decide.
And thats where a lot of guys mess up. They think because the girl is objecting, that shes already
decided she isnt interested in them. But thats not what it means. Objections mean shes looking to
you for more information; she needs to know more to make her decision.
If you were in my store in 2004 once Id become one of the top salesman in the region and I was
showing you the Goodyear Assurance TripleTred, and Id already explained that this was the best
tire on the market, had the best wet weather traction, the best snow and ice traction, the smoothest,
quietest ride, and it was cheaper than the leading Michelin MXV4 Plus, and we could get those tires
on for you right now and have you out and finished in thirty minutes or wed give you thirty dollars
off the total price, and you raised the objection that they cost too much, I wouldnt hang my head,
give up, and sell you some piece-of-crap, dirt cheap Superides instead.
Nope. Id explain to you that yes, tires are a bit of an investment, but thats because thats exactly
what they are an investment. An investment in your enjoyment of your ride. An investment in
your vehicle. And an investment in your safety. And then Id tell you about our 30 day, 300 mile
guarantee, and that you could try these tires out for that period and bring them back if you werent
happy and exchange them for something else, no questions asked. And customers would almost
always say yes to this, and once the tires were on a car, no one ever brought them back.
The thing is, you cant sell yourself exactly the same way youd sell a product. If you stand there
and list all your great features and how theyll benefit the girl youre wooing, shes going to be
turned off at the pomposity of it all and want nothing to do with you. But you definitely can use
objections as an opportunity to sell a girl further on you. You just need to address objections women
have about you a little differently than you would address objections a woman has about a product.
In this post, were going to discuss three different methods for disarming womens objections:
The Hard Push,
Throwing Back the Objection, and
Forcing Decisions

The Hard Push

The sales technique I demonstrated in above in talking about selling tires is called a push. This is
when you logically list out information and rationale for why a buyer should buy, then ask or tell
her to buy.
We talked about the hard push before in Dont Let Her Go, primarily about how to turn around
situations where a girl is walking away or prepared to leave you, as well as in Persist in Your
Insistence. You can use the hard push in all kinds of instances, from opening to closing.
The way the hard push works, basically, is like this: a girl states her reluctance to do something, or
her outright refusal, and begins to withdraw or walk away. You then insist, calmly, gently, but firmly
and invitingly, that she not leave and instead come with you. Heres an example:
Girl: [getting up to leave] Im going to head back to my friends.
You: Sit with me a few more minutes.
Girl: I have to go. Theyre probably worried about me!
You: Sit a few more minutes, then you can go. If theyre worried, theyll give you a call.
Girl: But theyre probably wondering where I am!
You: Another three minutes of missing you isnt going to kill them. Sit back down.
All this is said in a very warm, calm, friendly, inviting tone, with a warm, sexy smile. If done right,
women will almost always comply.
Youre in a push situation if inaction will lead to you losing the girl. That is, if she isnt opening
properly and will not talk to you without a push, or if shes leaving you and will be gone without a
push, or if she isnt planning to come with you and youll lose her without a push, or if youre
demanding compliance and itll set very bad precedent that leads to her losing interest in you
without a push. When youre in the do-or-die moment where youre about to lose a girl, using the
hard push can oftentimes change the course of a seduction.

Throwing Back the Objection

Not every situation is do-or-die, though. What do you do when a woman objects to you, but she
isnt about to leave? For instance, when youre sitting on a couch with a girl and she says, We
shouldnt do this, were friends and it wouldnt be right, or when youre lying in bed together and
youre physically escalating and she says, Its too soon, I dont think we should do this what do
you do then?
In situations like that, you can use something I call throwing back the objection. Its a very simple
but very powerful response to objections like this. The only things you need to pull it off are:
The ability to be a little bit of a wiseass, in a warm and sexy way, and
The ability to ask questions.
All you do with this one is, when you get an objection, you turn on the charm and then toss the
objection back to the girl. Looks like this:

Girl: We shouldnt do this.

You: Oh, what should we do?
Said with a smile and a wink of course. Heres another example:
Girl: I dont know if we should do this.
You: Yeah, of course not. We should totally get up and go play a game of checkers.
One more, this one a longer example:
Girl: I dont think we should move too fast.
You: Oh, really? How fast should we move then?
Girl: I dont know! Just not this fast!
You: Right, of course not. Because moving this fast would be terrible. We should probably wait a
few weeks or something.
After you throw these objections back at the girl, you then pause and stare at her for a moment, then
pick up where you left off with your escalation. This is especially potent when youre getting last
minute resistance (LMR), or really any kind of resistance where the girl is already in a position
where shes more or less entrenched with you and is just having some final reservations before
taking the plunge.
Why does throwing back the objection work so well? Two reasons, basically:
Youre short-circuiting her logic, and
Youre demonstrating a lot of attractive, powerful qualities.
The we shouldnt do this objective isnt actually based out of any kind of logic, and when you ask
a girl, What should we be doing? shes unable to come up with a satisfactory answer, and then
mentally accepts that maybe you should be doing what youre doing. Similarly, when you use a silly
alternative, like, So you think we should stop and go play Monopoly? shes forced to accept that
what shes doing with you is a lot more enjoyable than a game of Monopoly, and thus becomes far
more inclined to accept your advances.
And, when you respond in a calm, confident, sexy way, you display all the primary characteristics
that shes looking for in a man, and in particular, in the type of man shell go to bed with quickly.
She realizes you arent going to back down so easily, and that makes her feel more comfortable both
that you believe what youre doing is right, and that youre the kind of man she should be together
with.

Forcing Decisions
Theres one final tactic you can use for addressing womens objections: forcing a decision. This
ones best when you have a girl whos on the fence, and youre relatively sure likes you, but shes

absolutely not budging no matter what you do and youre at the end of your wits. Rather than give
up or go crazy, you force her to decide then and there how shell proceed.
So, if youre trying to get a girl to go sit with you, and shes absolutely refusing or being flighty or
saying, But my friends and complaining that she cant leave them, you should know already
that if she doesnt move with you, the interaction is dead. So since youve nothing to lose, you
might as well try to force a decision regardless, and that looks like this:
Girl: Im sorry, I cant, I really cant leave my friends
You: Look, I like you. I think youre cool people, and I enjoy talking to you. Im going to go sit
down over there now; so whats it going to be are you going to let me walk away, possibly
forever, or are you going to come?
You might get a no, but you also might get a yes. Ive had this work a surprising number of
times with girls who were hard cases and refusing to do what I wanted them to do. By putting them
there in the moment and forcing them to make a decision though, you force them to crunch some
numbers in their heads and decide: do I like this guy enough to go do what he wants to do instead of
what I thought I wanted to do? Or not really?
Note that theres a distinct structure to how you structure your decision push. These parts are all
necessary:
A qualifying statement,
What youre going to do,
The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you, and
Asking her to make a decision.
The qualifying statement is the, Look, I like you. I think youre cool people, and I enjoy talking to
you, part of the above. Its where you help her understand why you want to keep spending time
with her.
What youre going to do is where you make it clear to her what the next step is to be.
The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you (Im going to go sit down over
there youre walking away from her; Are you going to let me walk away, possibly forever?
she may never see you again if she lets you walk away) forces her to judge whether she cares
enough about pursuing things with you further to sideline other things in her life or find a way to
make things happen with you.
Asking her to make a decision is, of course, how you get a decision out of her on the spot. Thats
the forcing a decision part of forcing a decision.
Do this right and it can be quite effective. One more example this one with a girl youve been
struggling mightily with during physical escalation in bed:
Girl: I just dont think we should do this.
You: All right, stop, look. I like you. I think youre really cool people. Im really glad were
together right now. I dont know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that if we dont get together
now, we probably never get together because thats just how things usually end up. So, I guess,
what Im asking is do you want me or not?

You should let your voice get very soft and tender but still sexy at the end of that, because you dont
want to seem pushy. If you say it right, youll almost always get a, Yes, I want you, to it.
Then you respond with: Then lets be together. And then there, youre done.
~~~~~~~~~~
Those are your tools for addressing objections, and theyre all quite powerful. Again, theyre:
The Hard Push,
Throwing Back the Objection, and
Forcing Decisions.
Use these well and youll come to start relishing objections as you begin to see to really see that
objections are not rejections. Theyre just requests for a little more help deciding from a girl whos
about to dive in head first. So dont be afraid of objections theyre a good thing to get. Use them,
instead, to help you and the girl you like get together.
Yours,
Chase Amante
Younger Men and Older Women
A couple of weeks ago while I visiting Southern California, my ex-girlfriend there told me the story
of some colleagues of hers. One was a tall, slender, elegantly beautiful, but slightly older-looking
woman over whom everyone in the office took much interest, but who rather kept to herself and
was none too talkative about her background. The other was a mid-20ish player kind of guy who
was constantly chatting up all the cute girls in the office and regaling his coworkers with tales of his
conquests.
The 20-something player frequently made small talk with the beautiful, elegant woman in the
office, and tried to make some headway with her, though he never could. Then, one night out at the
bar for a happy hour, in a group discussion, the elegant woman happened to mention her age,
perhaps emboldened by alcohol: she was 50. According to my ex, she looked so good she could
easily pass for early- to mid-30s, and thats probably what everyone assumed she was until she said
it.
Upon hearing her age, the player guy whod previously been so interested in her recoiled with
horror: Oh my God, he said, youre fifty? Dont you think you should tell people that? Oh my
God.
You can imagine how this gal mustve felt. None too good, Id wager. This is just one of the reasons
why older women even those only a few years older so often get weird around younger men.

Older Womens Reservations About Younger Men

There are scores of reasons why older women act strange with younger men, or shut those younger
men expressing interest in them down. Some women are more sensitive to age differences than
others; the more hedonistic older women I know and have consorted with (Ive had a few women in

their mid-30s) dont much care for age, really, beyond a few passing concerns. Other women may
freak out because theyre a month older than you. Its very much dependent on the woman.
But universally, as a woman gets older, she tends to get a lot of bad reactions like the one in the
tale above from younger men, and it creates a bit of a wall for her between her own feelings and
her ability to let herself become interested and attracted to these younger men. She begins viewing
younger men as unattainable, and that means she starts resenting them and disliking them.
This ties back to evolutionary theory women are inclined to seek out older men who are likely to
be more established financially, socially, and otherwise, and be better able to provide for their
young, while men are compelled to seek out younger women, who have more time left on their
biological clock to provide more sons and daughters to their mate and are more likely to get
pregnant more easily and have fewer complications from childbirth.
But when it comes to men, we dont actually seek out youth itself, per se, but rather a youthful
appearance which means you might run into a 19 year old with an old face and find her not
especially of interest, and you might run into a 31 year old with a youthful face and find her
beautiful. So you might not always be inclined to stick to this paradigm.
But, while there often is a bit of an intrinsic evolutionary disadvantage with this kind of mate
selection, its usually more on the mans side than the womans. The reservations women tend to
have come more from nurture than nature; they react negatively against younger men because
theyre accustomed to younger men reacting negatively against them, and/or being immature.
Which should hearten you; whenever you run into issues that stem from someone being acclimated
to expect something from other people, you know that all you need to do is show youre different,
and you oftentimes get a different response.
Note I said show youre different, as opposed to say youre different. Most men try to say theyre
different, but women put little stock in mens words. You need to get the right subcommunication
down about age; thats the hard part about disarming the age question.
Before we go into that though, lets spool through the main reasons older women tend not to treat
younger men so favorably:
Immaturity. Many younger men are immature. While that cute 27 year old youve just met used to
go to all the wild parties and get loose a few years back, shes at a point now where shes moved
beyond that and these days prefers some good conversation and a man who can turn her on without
screaming his head off or taking her to a frat party with sticky floors and a couple of beer pong
tables. Unfortunately, most of the younger guys older girls meet dont realize this, and keep trying
to do the same things with them that they do with 20 and 21 year old girls, and the older women
come to expect this behavior from younger men and avoid them because of it.
Lack of Life Experience. I had to learn the hard way not to talk too much about myself or my
fascinating life with younger women because they simply couldnt relate to it. Fact is that younger
people really dont have much life experience, which makes for less stimulating interactions for
older, more worldly paramours. Older women know this, and prefer to stick to older men who can
more often relate to them better.
Lack of Sexual Experience. Younger men simply dont tend to be as sexually experienced as older
men. They dont know as well how to please a woman; they dont know as well what women want
in bed; they dont know as well how to get a girl excited for intimacy. Most older women are none
too interested in taking the role of teacher to young men theyve already been there, done that.
Now, they just want a guy who knows how to satisfy them, and they know theyre more likely to
find that with an older man.

Rejection. Quite possibly the biggest one, many older women fear rejection, disgust, and
mistreatment by callous younger men, who tend to be both less sensitive to womens feelings (as
theyre less socially calibrated than older men) and more judgmental against older women (as
theyre accustomed to the artificial environment of school, where theyre constantly surrounded by
women of their own age with no more than a year or two of difference). Women will quite often go
immediately into auto-rejection upon finding out a man is younger than they are, simply to protect
themselves from being hurt.
Those are the big ones. Immaturity, lack of life and sexual experience, and rejection the thing an
older woman fears getting with a younger man. Those are the things youre going to be targeting
overcoming when you go for older women.
The thing is, all these are easily surmountable if you do a good job showing youre different.
Women know there are younger men who are mature. Women know there are younger men with life
experience. Women know there are younger men who know their ways around a womans body.
Women know there are younger men who like them and appreciate them and wont reject them. You
just need to show these women youre one of those men.

Telling Women Youre Older

I remember when I was fresh out of college and had just begun my new job in Washington, DC in
mid-2006. I kept running into problems where Id have things going swimmingly with a girl, shed
be very interested in me, and then shed ask me my age, Id tell her, and shed shut down. This
culminated for me with a girl I met on the metro.
One night I was riding on the train, and I started talking to a really cute blonde. She was very much
into me, asking me all kinds of questions about myself, and I was starting to get a really good
feeling about things. Then she asked me my age.
Im 23, I said. She looked stunned.
Oh, she said. She paused a moment. Oh, she said again. Im 27. Then she turned away from
me and got really quiet.
I was sitting there, mildly shocked, thinking to myself, What? Its four years difference who
cares?? I tried talking to her again but she just acted weird. She told me she didnt date younger
men, shed tried it and it just didnt work. When we reached her station, she seemed to calm down a
little, and almost seemed sorry for her weirdness and for acting that way. Maybe shed started
having second thoughts, but by then it was too late, and she left without giving me a way to stay in
touch with her.
It was such a clear example to me of how powerfully age can shut down an otherwise excellent
interaction that I made it a point then and there to solve the age thing. My first approach? Lying
about my age.
Now, Im a very pro-honesty kind of guy. I truly, truly believe the old Honestys the Best Policy
line, and Im a firm believer that lying is the dominion of the cowards and weak men too afraid to
stand in the world and be judged for whom they are.
But when it comes to age, I think its okay to make some exceptions. This is where, Its not lying;

its flirting, comes into play.

Reason why is because age, for many people, is such a bright, blinding light of a problem that it
crowds out everything else important and gets used as some kind of artificial metric of worthiness.
Rather than being judged as a person, you get judged by a number. But I am not my age. And
neither are you. Im just me, and youre just you. So in this instance, the only one I can think of
offhand, I think its okay to flat out lie especially if its because youre very young.
So, I started telling girls I was older. Personality-wise, I seemed and acted more mature, so it wasnt
hard to pass for older. And besides, age is the kind of thing that gets mentioned once, and never
again. Women are just checking to make sure youre not one of those dreaded too young or too
old guys, and then youre fine. Men do the same thing to women.
Is lying about your age problematic if you want a long-term relationship? Possibly, but its not a
death sentence provided you clear things up soon after bedding a girl. Is it problematic if you want a
one-night stand? Not at all. In fact, she never needs to know. There are plenty of other things shell
never know about you and youll never know about her, so your actual chronological age shouldnt
seem like such an important detail for a woman youll spend one night with and never see again.
What I started doing with women after that was, when theyd ask me my age, Id ask them to guess.
And then, because I found that women always guessed an age close to their own, I told them they
were close, and then went a year over. So itd go like this:
Girl: How old are you?
Me: What do you think? Take a guess.
Girl: Youre oh, I dont know. Just tell me.
Me: Just guess. It isnt that hard. Pick a number.
Girl: 24.
Me: Close! Im 25.
The reason I recommend going a year over is twofold:
It seems more real youre not just agreeing with what she said; youre correcting her, and
It gives you a little bit of an age boost over what she thinks you are being a little older never hurts
when it comes to wooing women.
The reason I dont recommend going more than a year over her guess is because you risk not being
believed. If youre 22, and some girl guesses youre 24, and you tell her youre 28, she may just call
your bluff.
My first same-night lay from a nightclub happened soon after I implemented this approach to
discussing my age, and the girls and my initial conversation went like this:
Me: Oh no, you look so bored :(
Girl: Im just relaxing and watching the dance floor. My friend is out there dancing with some girl.
Me: Ah, well, good to chill sometimes and take a break from the craziness.

Girl: How old are you?

Me: What do you think?
Girl: Um 25?
Me: Not bad. Im 26.
Girl: Oh, thank God! I keep meeting all these guys who are 23. Im 26.
A few hours later we went back to my apartment, took a shower together, and went to bed. Probably
wouldnt have happened had I told her I was 23. I saw the girl a few times, and even tried to tell her
at one point I was actually 23, at which point she freaked out a little bit and said, No. No way.
Youre 26. Right? Youre just kidding. Youre not 23.
To which I said, Yeah, youre right. Just kidding you. Im 26. Figured it was easier just to let her
believe it than shock her with my real age. I wasnt planning a family with her or anything.

Disarming the Age Question Without Lying

The age problem still bugged me, and since I dont like lying I wanted to find a solution that would
allow me to be honest but still get the girl regardless.
I asked two of the guys I trained under in early 2007 for their approach to dealing with the age
question, and they each had very good, and very different suggestions.
BradP helped me craft a specific response to older womens objections. It was, You know, I meet a
lot of younger girls, and they really are at the peak of their beauty and have the best bodies out
there, but I dont know, beyond maybe an hour or so of conversation, they just cant hold my
attention.
The first time I used this, the girl, whod immediately prior to its use been about to auto-reject,
began agreeing heartily with me and telling me how younger girls were so inexperienced and didnt
know anything about the world. If I remember right, I took that girl home later, though the four
years since have somewhat clouded my memory.
Sebastian Drake took a different approach to this when I asked him. He said, You know what Im
doing now? I ask women the age question first. It takes the ball out of their court and puts it in
yours, so that youre screening them on age instead of them screening you on age. I ask it almost
right away after I start talking to girls these days.
So I started doing this, and it worked extraordinarily well too.
Both of these things are these days, four years later, still ingrained in my approach to dealing with
age. Per Sebastian, I ask women their age first about 75% of the time these days. Not always at the
outset of the interaction, but at some point I usually ask. Brads response to women auto-rejecting
on age I use when I get objections like, Oh, youre young. Ive modified it a bit, and I dont
always say exactly the same thing, but it still works great.

At some point I added another piece of my own that works well with my style: I make a little quip
about a girl being old, then move the conversation on. The delivery is very similar to how I deliver
chase frames; make the comment quick, with a wry smile and a seductive look, so its both sexy and
so she know Im only ribbing her, and then immediately change topics.
The line I usually use is, Youre almost ready to retire then, right? but Ill also say whatever
springs to mind, like, That means youve got your rocking chair and ten cats at home, yeah? or
something along those lines. Verbally, it looks like this:
Me: How old are you?
Girl: Uh Im 33.
Me: My God. That means youre collecting Social Security now, right?
Girl: Haha. How old are you?
Me: Im 28. How long have you been living in town here?
And then age is dealt with. If necessary, Ill use Brads disarming statement, but it usually isnt
called for. Partially thats because it gets easier once youre over 25 or 26 or so; once you hit 27, age
is virtually a non-factor. But a lot of thats because once you have your nonverbals down, and you
disarm age by asking about if first (if possible) and using a quick little quip that shows you dont
really care, then immediately moving on, girls realize you arent going to make a big deal about
age, and tend to respond in kind.
My process for age, then, looks like this these days:
Ask girl first. Not a big deal if she asks me first, but Ill take the reins if I can, and especially if I
can tell shes skirting the issue and is afraid it might be a big deal. I want to get it out of the way
rather than hanging over her head making her nervous so she can start getting comfortable with me
and opening up to me.
Make a quick, funny quip and move on. Make sure you practice your delivery, and change the topic
with speed and social fluidity. This has to be done right or it might seem insulting. You want to put
her at ease, not raise her hackles.
Lightly pan younger women if she makes it an issue. You know, younger women I find dont have
a whole lot to talk about. I dont know if its life experience or what it is, but I dont find them
terribly interesting. Great bodies, yeah, but not all that worldly. Something like that. Dont be
mean to younger women you dont want to seem like the bitter guy who cant get young girls
but just be matter-of-fact about it. It gets older women feeling more comfortable with you and gives
them something to agree with you about in an us vs. them kind of way. Women always want to
believe theyre superior to the competition, so when you help an older gal recognize ways shes
better than the younger gals she sees so many men pursuing, she loves you for it.
Play around with these. If youre 23 or younger, you may need to just lie about your age, because
aside from fear of rejection many women may just be biased against you for being too young. Just
have them guess your age, and then go a year over what they say.
Ultimately, age is just a number and shouldnt have the kind of certain death impact on your
seductions that it has for many men. Follow these steps, then, and it wont and you can enjoy
bedding cute women a few years your senior instead of being restricted only to younger gals and
girls your own age. Flexibility in your dating life is something you should definitely concentrate on

having; this ones worth spending a couple of minutes correcting.

Best,
Chase
Dating Younger Women: Does It Make You 'Dirty'?
This is Part I of a 2-part series on dating younger women. In Part I, we'll be focused on social
factors that have changed and why there's so much pushback against older men dating younger
women in the West. Part II will be our "how-to" - that is, how to date younger women as an older
(or younger) man.
There's something of a stigma in the West right now against older men and younger women (while
younger men and older women is often considered right as rain - and maybe even ideal!)... younger
man / older woman couplings, you'll frequently be told, are a Bad Thing.
But travel the rest of the world, and this stigma is largely nonexistent.
Throughout history, it's been common for older men to select younger women as their brides, across
cultures, nearly universally.
It would appear we live in a strange and rather unusual period in history, where sexual norms have
been turned upside down and positioned on their heads.
But look a little closer, and you'll see that even in the West - even in the United States, bastion of
feminist sentiment right now - steer clear of unattractive women with bones to pick, and you'll
quickly find that - at least among pretty younger women - this "stigma" against older men dating
younger women is primarily the figment of a small group of the media's imagination.
Let's sweep aside the deliberate confusion of the rabble-rousers and have look at what actually goes
on out there in the real world of older men and the younger women they date.
younger women
I sat at a bar in San Diego, eating lunch with a colleague of mine and our supervisor, a Navy captain
(the rank just below admiral in the U.S. Navy). The CAPT was 59 years old, but about as
charismatic a guy as you'd ever meet. At the time, my charisma was good - it was early 2008 - but I
still had some work to do, and I was maybe half as smooth with women then as I am now.
But still, I thought I was some hot stuff... I wasn't doing too shabby with women back then.
Our barmaid - a pretty blonde who looked about 25 or 26, my age at the time - served us our lunch,
and the CAPT and I took turns flirting with her. To my surprise, while I did well with her, he did
better - and it was genuine (I'd flirted and picked up enough hired guns at that point to be able to tell
the difference).
Still, reactions vs. results - it's just flirting, so you never really know for sure.
A few months later, the CAPT and that same colleague traveled to Pennsylvania for a conference,
and the colleague reported how at dinner on our last night in town, he'd watched CAPT mesmerize
an attractive, buxom waitress in her mid-20s, who, at the end of the dinner, slipped him her phone
number and told him to get in touch the next time he was in town.

"He's 59 and he's still got it!" my colleague said jubilantly.

Indeed.
But wait - don't younger women not like older men?
Aren't older men who like younger women "dirty" - not "cool" and "attractive"?
Age: Not Just a Number
The same friend of mine I had the debate about how much looks matter with a little while back also
did his darnedest to convince me that after about 40 years old or so, all hope of ever landing women
under 30 was extinguished.
Your time was up.
Better be happy with older gals... 'cause that's all you're getting, sonny.
Certainly, it's a common-enough argument - it's plastered all over the West right now.
Only, it doesn't hold its water. There ARE plenty of older men who successfully date younger
women. Though it's ALSO true that the majority don't. The majority stick to women in their age
range, either by choice... or, quite often, due to lack of choice.
What the people pushing the "older men CAN'T get younger women... unless they BUY them" line
do, though, is to ignore the small subset of older men who are successful with younger women as
"anomalies" not worth considering, and instead draw their absolute rules from more average men.
If you're reading this site though, I think it's safe to assume you're not terribly concerned with what
the average man is doing, and are more interested in the anomalous men... the ones netting outsized
returns for themselves with women, compared to what everybody else gets.
Well, it's true; when it comes to a man's age, there is a big difference in what women look for and
consider attractive.
That difference is a qualitative one:
Younger men are unproven, and are expected to be unproven. Thus, a younger man succeeds with
women by advertising his potential to be a success. The younger men who do best with women are
the ones who exude ambition, confidence, energy, and signs of potential future achievement
Older men are proven, and are expected to be proven. Thus, an older man succeeds with women by
advertising his already achieved success. The older men who do best with women are the ones who
exude authority, confidence, power, and signs of secured achievement
We'll explore this a lot more in-depth in our second part of this series, "Attracting and Dating
Younger Women." For now, I just want to focus on why you see only handfuls of older man /
younger woman couplings.
The fact is, most older men are ordinary: ordinary jobs, ordinary incomes, ordinary bodies, ordinary
personalities, ordinary lifestyles.
What's this mean for their attractiveness to younger women?
It means, in fact, that these ordinary older men are worse choices for younger women than younger

men are. That's because an unproven younger man still has the POTENTIAL to become
extraordinary. Meanwhile, an older man who's ordinary is never going to be anything more than
ordinary.
And because most older guys are ordinary - and therefore undesirable - just like nice guys who don't
know their places, they're liable to raise women's instinctive "disgust" instinct - a protective instinct
to avoid mating with perceived lower quality mates - and be labeled "creepy"... or, in the older
man's case, even more likely, "dirty."
But not all older men interested in younger women fit the "ordinary" bill.
What It's Like in Most of the World
I've talked with older man / younger woman couples in America, Europe, and Asia - couples where
there's an age gap of 10 to 15 years - and have seen similar trends across the board.
The women in these couples aren't horribly ugly. In fact, the ones I meet are relatively to quite
attractive.
Neither are the men loaded with wads of cash, used to ensnare shark-like women who only want
them for their trust funds. Rather, many of the older men with younger girlfriends and wives I've
met have been relatively normal guys with more or less normal jobs.
However... these men have usually been either in very good shape, or were wealthy (or some mix of
the two) - and across the board, all of them were intelligent, humorous, and very self-assured.
They were, in other words, successes, as success is judged by women.
One of the things I heard repeatedly from older man / younger woman couples was that the girls'
families had reservations at first, but dropped these later. This was true with all the couples except
for the gold digger couples (and I have met some); often in these cases, the mothers wholeheartedly
endorsed the union, because that was what the mother had trained the daughter to do ("Find a rich
man to marry - older men are more likely to be rich, and more likely to be looking to settle down so find an older, rich man and marry him").
A research paper looking examining older man / younger woman couplings in Kenya provides
typical results (mainly focused on sexual relationships here):
The aim of this study is to contribute to the understanding of motivations for cross-generational
relationships and how the perception of risk of acquiring sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
including HIV affects condom use in Kenya. Eight focus-group discussions were conducted with
women and 28 interviews were held with men in four Kenyan towns. Ethnograph 5.0 computer
software was used for the analysis of data. Women's primary incentive for engaging in such
relationships is financial; men seek sexual gratification. Pressure from peers compels women to find
older partners. Although some peers encourage such relationships, other groups, especially wives,
same-aged boyfriends, and parents, disapprove of them. Couples are preoccupied by the threat of
discovery. STI/HIV risk perception is low, and couples rarely use condoms. Material gain, sexual
gratification, emotional factors, and recognition from peers override concern for STI/HIV risk.
Women's ability to negotiate condom use is compromised by age and economic disparities.
Programmatic strategies include communicating information about such relationships' STI/HIV
risk, promoting consistent condom use, decreasing peer pressure to pursue such relationships, and
improving women's access to alternative sources of income.
There is the financial element, of course - older men have more money (especially important in
Africa, where a very large percentage of sexual relationships involve men paying women for sex).

There's also an intriguing mix of peer pressure for and peer pressure against older man / younger
woman couples. And there's a fear by women of their sexual relationships being discovered (mostly
true of ALL of a woman's sexual relationships, outside of relatively committed boyfriend-girlfriend
pairings).
In other words, it's not especially different from the relationship between younger men and younger
women... just a little more extreme.
And outsiders are more likely to have strong opinions for, or against.
Has It Really Changed in the West?
Why are older man / younger woman relationships so contentious in the West right now? It
certainly wasn't always this way.
In fact, until the 1960s or so, age in dating was treated pretty much the same in the West as it was
everywhere else in the world. An American father in the 1950s would've been thrilled to have his
daughter marry an older man with a stable, established life and career path, rather than some
unproven young scoundrel who might turn out well or might drag his daughter to the poorhouse.
My maternal grandfather had 10 years on my maternal grandmother when they married, and no one
thought anything of it. The age at first marriage for men and women was separated by 4 years then,
and throughout much of American history - the average wedding was between of a man four years
older than his bride - and if that's the average, you know that means there were plenty more
marriages where the two were closer in age, and plenty more where they were farther, as well.
But something strange and anomalous happened in the West that caused a rise in voices
complaining about people's dating preferences, and demanding that people STOP dating the people
they're dating and date other instead people because that's what the voices think is "best".
It became one of those ill-fated endeavors destined to fail (you can't fight nature and win, and you
can't change people's dating preferences by shouting at them), but certain to annoy many people
before it did.
The source of this boondoggle? Changing social and media pressure instructing women to value
themselves differently.
In the mid-1960s, a small group of radical feminists began denigrating women who stayed at home
to take care of their families, calling these women "oppressed" and "victims", and elevated
"employment" as the TRUE height of female achievement.
If only women could make money, then they would then have true happiness.
A cultural shift ensued in the West, where women were instructed more and more by social and
media forces as they grew up that their true worth was in their profession, and nowhere else.
Today, women are often embarrassed to admit to being stay-at-home moms. The cultural stigma is
that women raising children are "lazy" or "oppressed" or "dependent." A forum quote from a young
woman in Pennsylvania:
So, ever since high school, I knew I wanted to be a mom. As in, I decided to be a journalist/writer
so that I could freelance pretty easily and stay home when I had kids.
So fast-forward quite a few years. I have a college degree under my belt, and a few years of

working at a great job that I've been pretty successful at (not to toot my own horn). But the truth is,
I want to quit and be a stay at home mom. But there's something in me that's embarrassed to tell my
friends this. As in, we all went to college together and had strong views about being independent
women and having careers, and now it feels weird to say, "I think I'm going to put my career on the
back burner so that I can change diapers."
And that's the thing, I think there's so much value in being a mother, and I really do want to be a
SAHM, I just feel embarrassed to say it. I was the first of my friends to get married (at 24), and I'll
probably be the first to have kids too. Being a SAHM is totally accepted and encouraged in my
extended family, but there seems to be a stigma among my friends.
So all you SAHMs, how did you come to a place of being proud to be a SAHM? How did you
explain it to your friends? Because it's something I desperately want to be proud of, I'm just feeling
a bit bashful about it.
50 or 60 years ago, it was the women leaving their children alone or in the care of a nanny to chase
down a profession who received the stigmatizing.
The times have changed.
Subsequently, women's happiness has dramatically declined, as women toiled away in the jobs that
men built for themselves to make money to win and impress women, and women's ideas about
mating began to shift to that of men's: if they were the breadwinners, well, they must be winning
that bread to make and impress men.
(I'm telling you this as someone who exclusively dates professional women with advanced degrees,
mind you; I don't think it's a bad thing. I'm explaining why norms have changed)
In just a few decades, the workplace transition in the West had transformed many women's mating
habits into men's:
A content analysis was performed on profiles or self-advertisements from a magazine for singles to
identify categories of exchange used by men and women. Generally, the findings supported the
traditional social exchange notion of dating for men but not for women. That is, men's profiles
tended to emphasize attractiveness and other expressive qualities of potential respondents in
exchange for their own career status and attractiveness. Yet women's profiles indicated a similar
pattern, desiring to exchange career and education and expressive qualities for attractiveness and
various expressive qualities.
That's from the 1984 paper titled "The Self-Advertisement Approach to Dating: Male-Female
Differences."
In only 20 years, the dating market had shifted from successful men chasing beautiful women and
beautiful women chasing successful men, to... successful men chasing beautiful women, and
successful women chasing beautiful men.
What men had to offer and were looking for, and what women had to offer and were looking for,
now no longer lined up.
And so, the media glorification of financially successful women snagging pretty young men and
media excoriation of financially successful men dating pretty young women began, speaking to the
new mating preferences of Western woman: that is, a woman who'd been told all her life to work
hard for her career, because that's where her value was, now needed to know that she could use that
career to land an attractive man.
younger women

Many women had turned into men, preference-wise and lifestyle-wise. But men kept pursuing the
women who still focused on being what men wanted, and ignoring the women whose main
accomplishment was their careers... causing a distortion in the dating market.
Suddenly, there were lots of women unable to parlay their career success into dating success - but
rather than point the finger at the media forces that had misled them and told them to focus on the
wrong thing all their lives, they pointed their fingers at men and angrily and futilely demanded that
men stop competing for the shrinking selection of women who spent more time on feminine
pursuits than masculine ones, and pay attention to them instead.
Older men were a part of the "problem" - elbow to elbow with younger men, all competing for a
smaller pool of young, feminine women, while the older career women looked on aghast,
wondering what became of the pot of life gold they were promised at the end of the career rainbow.
Not all women bought this "new mission in life" hook, line, and sinker, though.
A lot of girls - even many of those who built great careers - still saw themselves as "girls," and had
little interest in being "men." That's what dating was for - rather than be an imitation man, you
could find an authentic man.
The media had fooled some, but not all, and the world hasn't really changed as much as you might
think. It sounds like it has, because those with agendas to push always chase down soapboxes to
harp from.
But the ordinary folk - people out on the streets - a lot of them never bought it quite as thoroughly
as those disillusioned souls writing books and appearing on talk shows did, trying desperately to
write and talk and shame the world into being the way they want and need it to be to validate their
choices.
The ordinary folk just did as ordinary folk do, and followed their guts.
younger women
In "Conflict Between Men and Women in the 21st Century", I discussed my opinion that most of the
so-called "conflict" between men and women you see these days is manufactured by the media and
the anonymity and disproportionate preaching power of the Internet.
You can do or say whatever you want online, and it's easy to feel like there are zero consequences.
Also, because the Internet is an echo chamber, you never have to hear opposing views if you don't
want to, and it's easy to get more and more impassioned as you write some long-winded statement
in the comments section for or against something, without anyone ever interjecting to correct you
(or remind you that this isn't really what we're talking about here).
The web makes gasbags of us all.
The same thing has happened with the older man / younger woman deal.
Is there really a backlash against this?
Or does it only exist in the digital sphere?
When You're Out Living Your Life

When I meet older man / younger woman couples in real life, they don't seem weird. A little
unusual, sometimes... you can't help but wonder where they met, for instance.
But the woman is never some bimbo with a double-digit IQ. The man is never some scumbag who's
bordering on pedophilia.
Usually it's a 28-year-old gal with a 42-year-old guy, or something similar to that. The girl's got a
decent career, but looking forward to being a mother and having a family. The guy's more
established in his career, but he's not an oil baron or anything. He's just a solid, cool, charming older
guy.
younger women
I never hear anyone malign them. I've never seen a fat angry woman walk up to the man and say,
"You should date someone your own age!" or to the woman and say, "You're a sell-out! You could
have a better career and be dating a 19 year old with washboard abs!"
All I ever really here is, "They seem like a nice couple." Maybe there are a few people thinking,
"Ew, I wonder what they talk about?" but I never hear it.
Point is, when you're out living your life in the real world, there is none of this gossip-y shaming.
Partly that's because people won't dare to say in-person the things they say on the Internet. I call it
being "Internet brave."
But part of it is also the objectifying, virtualizing effect of the web. When someone's upset about
older men and younger women online, it isn't that nice couple from a few doors down she's thinking
about... it's the idea of older men and younger women.
How insulting! What about all those poor, ignored older women? Who are THEY supposed to date?
It's never real people they're upset at. It's ideas.
Americans and Europeans
I've seen it surprisingly often in the U.S. and Western Europe (surprising, for all the fanfare and
shaming that occurs online and all the supposed social pressure against these couplings).
The couples never seem ashamed or embarrassed.
Actually, if anything, they seem healthier and more confident than the majority of couples I see.
They're often closer together.
It often seems to me that:
The man is proud to have a beautiful younger woman, and
The woman is proud to have an accomplished older man
I notice that a lot of older man / younger woman couples enjoy showing themselves off. I think both
partners get off on it... the man seems to be thinking, "Those other guys sure are going to be jealous
of the gal I've got!" and the woman seems to be thinking, "All the other girls are there with their

little boy husbands with zero achievement. Wait 'til they get a load of the guy I've netted!"
I also see a fair amount of hooking up going on between older man / younger woman pairs. Not
huge, of course - the hooking up between younger men and younger women easily dwarfs this.
But that's because most older men are out of the dating market, either because they're married, or
because they're ordinary (and undesired by younger women).
Those older men who are both available and extraordinary, I've noticed, often have a much easier
time sleeping with younger women than all but the most extraordinary younger men I know.
The Rest of the World
I know it happens in South America, although not having lived there, I mostly just know the stories
I hear from others, and many of those are gold digger stories. A friend of my Peruvian ex married a
man 40 years her senior, purely for his money, and proceeded to start an affair as soon as they were
married (she later decided she loved him, broke off the affair, and became faithful, but the old man
died just a few years later, and a vicious legal battle between the wife - who hadn't been included in
his will, which was written before he'd ever met her - and the man's other relatives left her with
nothing for her troubles).
However, in my travels in Asia, I've certainly run into plenty of women who freely prefer older
men. And not just gold diggers (though there certainly are those, too). A Chinese ex-girlfriend of
mine - an architect, with a master's degree in finance and a very respectable career and income of
her own - ended up dating a Frenchman in his 50s after she and I split up. And I can assure you she
was no gold digger - I was dead broke when we dated, and she'd still wanted to marry me.
There are countless more women like this in Asia. My next girlfriend after the architect - also
young, beautiful, charismatic, and with a master's degree, this one in economics, and a great career
in banking - had pursued a man 15 years older than her for a relationship, until the man told her she
was too young for him and he did not want to hurt her. She said she'd learned the man took care of
his disabled brother, and this made her want to take care of him.
What's going on? Why do women want to date older men when they could have YOUNGER ones?
Aren't younger guys... hotter? My friend I debated this with certainly thinks women think so.
Silverbacks
Meeting younger women as an older man is a lot like meeting women in general: there's a lot of
confusion and plain BAD advice out there.
Just like if you want to succeed with women, the general advice is, "Just be yourself! Be a nice guy!
Open doors, hold chairs, and pay for dates!" and... that doesn't work at ALL... similarly, there's
advice like this for older men regarding younger women: just don't even try, they aren't interested.
I don't know who comes up with this stuff. There must be a bureau of clueless people out there
responsible for concocting all the "common knowledge" advice that gets spread about the advice
circuit like E-coli on hamburger meat.
Here's how it really shakes out, in my experience: older guys with their stuff together are SEXIER.

There are few people I'm worried about competing with for women.
The wild party guy isn't one of them.
The loquacious guy isn't either.
The buff guy usually doesn't have anything more going for him than his muscles, and that's easy to
get around.
But one guy I consistently get beat by - when on rare occasion I find myself head-to-head with him,
competing for a woman's affections - is the sexy older man who knows his way around women.
There's just no beating silverbacks.
It Gets Better as You Get Older
If someone asked me the best ages for picking up younger girls for flings or romance, for
exceptional men, I'd rate them thus:
35 to 45: top shelf
30 to 35: very good
45 to 50: good
25 to 30: good (maybe a tie with the former)
50 to 60: fair
20 to 25: fair
18 to 20: you'll do okay
60 to 70: tough, but not impossible
That's right - in my experience, a stand-out 55 year old beats a standout 23 year old for that 21-yearold girl's affections, more often than not.
Key word here is stand-out.
younger women
If an ordinary 55 year old and an ordinary 23 year old go head-to-head for a 21 year old girl... no
contest. The 23 year old wins, hands down.
The ordinary 55 year old is a dirty old man.
Few younger women want to date or sleep with the ordinary 55-year-old. He's proven to not be any
better than the rest of the pack... the 23 year old, by comparison, has potential; he's an unknown. To
win here, our 55 year old must turn himself into something exceptional if he wants consistent
success with younger women.
Assuming you're willing to work hard and make yourself a high achiever and attractive to women
though, it gets better as you get older. Like a fine wine... you age well.
It's all about potential (young) vs. proof (old). If you're older and proven, you take the cake. If
you're older and unproven, you've allowed yourself to be left far, far behind, way in the dust.
You are unwanted.

Until you re-make yourself, that is.

Men and Women: Still the Same
The West hasn't changed.
Not really.
There's a pocket of career women who approach dating the same way men do: they want to
exchange career success for pretty boys. I had an ex-girlfriend like this... all the men she dated were
younger than her (including me - I can quite honestly say I have been a girl's boy toy).
And there's a contingent of media attention chasers who decry older men dating younger women
and push younger men dating older women as the preferred alternative, because it tickles their
readership's and viewership's sensibilities.
But out and about, in the real world, even in the West, these "new preferences" have little sway.
Younger women still like and date and marry older men, and not necessarily for money, and not
because they're desperate.
They do so because those men are attractive... desirable.
They do so because it's what they want.
And in the next article in this series, in Part II, we'll be talking about just how to become what
younger women want.
So, stay tuned.
Yours,
Chase Amante
Attracting and Dating Younger Women
In Part I of this series on dating younger women, we addressed some of the bigger questions on the
subject: do younger women actually like older men; are older men who date younger women 'dirty';
are younger women dating older men all gold diggers?
younger women
Some of the conclusions we came to include these:
Age is nature's proving grounds for male mate quality: a younger male is selected on the merits of
his promise and potential; an older male, meanwhile, is selected on the degree of his proven,
achieved success
There's a huge difference between exceptional older men, and ordinary older men - the former being
most or all of fit, healthy, confident, charismatic, high status, and financially well-off; the latter
being none or few of these

A woman's mating preferences are: top - proven (exceptional) older man; middle - unproven but
promising younger man; bottom - unproven and unpromising younger man (creepy guy) and
ordinary (unexceptional) older man (dirty old man)
Because most older men fall into the "ordinary older men" paradigm (ordinary is the norm, after
all), most older men are not especially attractive to younger women, thus the 'dirty old man' wrap
that some people are quick to label older men interested in younger women with
Most real-life older man / younger woman couples are actually two decent, normal, attractive
people happy and comfortable with each other and reasonably proud of each other - not many are
the rich guy / gold digger couples modern popular media seems so eager to paint them as
While the previous article was about answering the higher level questions - what's with the
pushback in the West against older men dating younger women? Do women find older men
attractive or not? Why would a woman choose an older man when she could have a younger one? in this article, we focus on the how-to.
How to date younger women, that is.
So, grab your walking canes, gentlemen, and let's talk about the mechanics of meeting, dating,
sleeping with, and having relationships with younger women when you're an older man (and a little
bit about this if you're a younger man, too).
Oh, and if you haven't read it yet, do check out Part I here, as well: "Dating Younger Women: Does
It Make You 'Dirty'?"
Onwards, then.
younger women
"OMG, he's sooo sexy."
"Ew, gross... he could be my father."
The first comment is one I've heard made repeatedly about Sean Connery by teenage girls. Not
1960s James Bond Sean Connery, mind you, but present day in-his-80s Sean Connery.
The second comment is one I've heard several times by teenage girls about amorous men in their
40s or 50s.
What's the difference?
Well, Connery's a celebrity, of course. But this isn't the only path to sexy-older-man-dom - in the
last article, I related the tale of a 59-year-old Navy Captain who did just fine with young, pretty,
vibrant 20-somethings. And I've known my fair share of men in their 40s and 50s who regularly
picked up and slept with and dated women in their 20s - some of them have even been students of
mine I've watched firsthand pick up girls in nightclubs and meet women on streets; some are guys
who post on the discussion boards right here on the site today.
I've had girlfriends of mine - beautiful, educated, charismatic girlfriends in their 20s - tell me they'd
take a seasoned, attractive older man over me. I had one remark - while watching a recent Harrison
Ford movie, where the senior was at one point in mortal danger - that she wanted to jump into the

movie, save Harrison Ford... then leave me there and bring him back out with her instead.
I watched a gorgeous 28-year-old ex-girlfriend of mine with a killer body and a great career date her
boss, a bald, portly Frenchman in his 50s who'd been divorced three times.
I listened as another girlfriend, 26 at the time and with a strong career in finance, told me about the
man in his 40s she'd doggedly chased down for a relationship until he'd turned her down, telling her
she was too young for him.
Clearly, at least SOME younger women like older men.
But what do you have to do and who do you have to be to make that be YOU?
The Older Man Template
When most people think about older men dating younger women, I think they mostly either picture
a suave, well-to-do man in a suit jacket with a social climbing young girlfriend, or some creepy,
predatory older man with money to throw around dating an obnoxious gold digger.
While these templates are no doubt based on paradigms that do occur in the world, I haven't met
people who much fit these descriptions myself, and they're pretty poor stereotypes for older man /
younger woman pairings in general.
In the real world, the kinds of older men women find attractive are every bit as diverse as the kinds
of younger men they do.
Here are the types of older men I've seen various attractive younger women fall for:
The spunky, vivacious guy bursting with energy and enthusiasm (that Navy Captain I told you
about)
Smooth, charming, sexy, and playfully flirtatious (Sean Connery fits this bill, as do some of the
older men I've known who did well with women)
Manly, brooding, and darkly humorous (Harrison Ford goes here - this one's harder to get initial
attraction with sometimes, but once a girl gets to know a guy like this she becomes nuts about him;
George Clooney's somewhere in the middle between this one and the smooth, charming, sexy, flirty
guy)
Naturally, different types of women go for these different types of men:
The spunky guy gets more submissive women
The smooth guy gets smooth women, or sometimes brooding women
The manly, brooding guy gets spunkier women
I'm certain there are other "templates" out there I haven't seen - had I not known my old Navy
Captain, for instance, I wouldn't have thought that "spunky" worked for an older guy (or even that
there WERE spunky older guys, for that matter).
The point is though, there is not a one-size-fits-all version of the sexy older man you must be.

younger women
Instead, you have some options, no matter what your base personality may be.
What the Science Says
Let's get into a bit more research.
From "Winners, Losers, and Choosers: A Field Investigation of Dating Initiation", published in the
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 1984 about video-dating (a pre-Internet dating
service):
Two studies on interpersonal attraction were conducted at a commercial video-dating service.
Profiles of members were rated on age, physical attractiveness, status, humor and warmth. In the
first study, significant differences were found between popular and unpopular males, physically
attractive males being more popular. Popular females were found to be younger and more attractive
than unpopular females. The second study investigated the dating choices and rejections of twenty
new members. Higher status and physical attractiveness were significant predictors of males being
chosen by females, whereas the only significant predictor of females being chosen by males was
physical attractiveness. Males tended to choose and reject younger women. and females tended to
choose and reject older men. There was also a tendency for both sexes to choose targets of higher
social desirability and reject targets of lower social desirability. We concluded that the male-older,
female-younger norm and physical attractiveness are important factors in dating initiation strategies
for both sexes, although females also rely on status.
Here it's found that women select for (at least in video dating):
Looks
Status
Older men (though how much older is unspecified)
Nothing earth-shatteringly new there.
From "Partner preferences across the life span: Online dating by older adults", in the June 2009
edition of Psychology and Aging:
Stereotypes of older adults as withdrawn or asexual fail to recognize that romantic relationships in
later life are increasingly common. The authors analyzed 600 Internet personal ads from 4 age
groups: 2034, 4054, 6074, and 75+ years. Predictions from evolutionary theory held true in later
life, when reproduction is no longer a concern. Across the life span, men sought physical
attractiveness and offered status-related information more than women; women were more selective
than men and sought status more than men. With age, men desired women increasingly younger
than themselves, whereas women desired older men until ages 75 and over, when they sought men
younger than themselves.
So here the conclusions relevant to us are:
Men offer status information more than women
Women seek men with status more than men do
Men seek increasingly younger women as they age
Women desire older men (though again, no age specificity here)
Although I can tell you from skimming online dating profiles (what the study authors did here),
while I've seen women with more limited preferred age spans, I've also seen plenty of women with
25- to 30-year age spans for men they're looking for (say, 25 to 50 or so) - it's not that uncommon to
come across.
A more interesting finding from the July 2001 edition of Evolution and Human Behavior is "Age

preferences for mates as related to gender, own age, and involvement level", with the following
findings:
The present study examined desired minimum and maximum ages for mates across five different
levels of relationship involvement (marriage, serious relationship, falling in love, casual sex, and
sexual fantasies) comparing individuals of 20, 30, 40, 50, and 60 years old. Consistent with
previous findings, women preferred partners of their own age, regardless of their own age and
regardless of the level of relationship involvement. Men, on the other hand, regardless of their own
age, desired mates for short-term mating and for sexual fantasies who were in their reproductive
years. However, with regard to long-term mates, men preferred mates who, although younger than
them, were sometimes above the age of maximum fertility. Explanations for these findings are
discussed.
According to this research:
Women desire partners their own age
Men desire short-term partners of reproductive age
Men desire long-term partners their own age
The bullet about women preferring partners their own age contrasts with the earlier research, and
with what I've seen myself - this survey largely seems to be self-reported, so that might be down to
the difference between what women say they want vs. actual real-world preferences (something
we'll talk about in just a bit when we talk about women being reputation conscious and worried
about what people might think).
The more interesting notes here are older men's preferences for flings with and fantasies about
reproductive-aged women, but for commitment they select women their own age. My guess would
be a fling with an older woman doesn't provide much reproductive value (i.e., she's likely to be
infertile), but when you want a companion around for the long haul, you probably want someone
you're able to relate with and connect to as much as possible - and that's probably someone with a
similar level of life experience to you.
Now here's the most interesting chunk of research of all: from a 1985 edition of The Journal of
Social Psychology comes "Ratings of Physical Attractiveness as a Function of Age":
Holmes and Hatch (1938) theorized that physical attractiveness is related to erotic desirability and
to biological superiority with the result that through selective breeding, the species, Homo sapiens,
is improved. Elaborating this theory, Symons (1979) suggested that over the life span of a single
individual, the correlation between physical attractiveness, erotic desirability, and biological
superiority would ensure that the individual would have children only during periods of superior
fitness. He also suggested that physical attractiveness is more important to males in selecting sex
partners than it is to females. To test the theorizing of Holmes, Hatch, and Symons, it was
hypothesized that following puberty a negative relationship would be found between an individual's
age and ratings of physical attractiveness by judges of the opposite sex. Furthermore, the
relationship would be more negative for ratings of women by men than for ratings of men by
women. The negative relationship was found for ratings of women made by American men (n = 40)
but not ratings of men made by American women (n = 40).
So, the researchers went in hypothesizing that age leads to a decline in one's physical attractiveness
as one advances in years, and that this decline would be steeper for women than for men.
What the researchers found was that, while the decline in physical attractiveness for women as rated
by men existed, men's physical attractiveness ratings as judged by women did not go down at all as
they aged.

Now isn't that interesting.

When I had a long-running debate before with a friend of mine about older men's desirability to
younger women, the crux of his argument was, "Women want young hot men, because older men
are ancient and ugly."
Apparently though, women themselves beg to differ.
Silverback Theory
younger womenIn the previous article, I mentioned how the only men I really see as tough
competition anymore when I encounter them vying for a woman's affections are attractive, puttogether, exceptional older men. When I'm up against these men, I lose.
I look un-suave by comparison.
Doesn't matter how smooth, slow, or mature I am. A suave older man still has me beat. I don't know
if it's life experience, or more years in seduction, or simply the magnetic appeal of a stand-out older
man, but I don't like having to compete against a guy like this, and when I roll with a guy like this,
it's one of the very few times the lead female of any pairs or groups we meet goes for someone else
(him) instead of for me.
Women are attracted to the guy in charge. And when you put a 30-year-old guy next to a 50-yearold guy, it isn't the 30-year-old guy who strikes you as the one in charge.
I think of this as being rather similar to how things function mating-wise for gorillas.
You see a band of gorillas, and it's a family group of females and children, led by one dominant
male: a silverback.
The silverback is a mature, older male. He's big, he's strong, and he's sharp - he knows how to
maintain control of his group and keep it his.
If you didn't know better, you might think a younger gorilla would be able to take his band away
from him - the younger gorilla is more energetic, he's hungrier, he's youthful.
You'd think he'd be able to take on a silverback and win.
But he can't. He loses when he tries.
Humans aren't gorillas, of course. A male gorilla has a comparably slower path toward maturing
into dominant silverback material than a male human does to reaching proper adulthood. The
advantage age brings is not quite as extreme in man.
But even in humans - from everything I've seen - there doesn't really appear to be anything more
attractive to a woman than a stand-out, exceptional, attractive, high status older male.
The silverback takes all comers, and wins.
younger women
The biggest part of dating younger women, of course, is the same as dating any kind of women:
having your fundamentals tied down tight.

That's things like:

Your fashion / hairstyle / facial hair / body
Your body language / nonverbal communication / facial expressions
Your sexy vibe / sexual tension / general sexiness
Your conversational ability / deep diving / emotional connecting
Your ability to lead women / take the reins / handle logistics
... basically, everything we talked about in "How to Attract Women: The Guide."
Those are all the things we teach you to do all over this site, in the programs here, and on the
discussion boards.
If you've been reading this site, you've got 95% of it already.
However, there are a few other considerations to keep in mind.
Pressure on Younger Women to Conform
One of the key things standing in the older man's way, when it comes to dating younger women?
Status, reputation, and social pressure.
Women - especially young women, frequently enmeshed with large, fluid groups of opinionated
friends - are extremely status conscious, and retain reputation management as perhaps their
foremost social priority.
Make a girl potentially look bad, and you will be thrown under the bus faster than you can say,
"What just happened?"
... EVEN if she liked you and found you attractive.
Because there is a lot of public sentiment in the West regarding older men interested in younger
women as 'dirty' right now, and younger women interested in older men as 'gold diggers', even
though most younger women don't actually hold these views, they will fear their friends will when
being approached by an older man around their social circles.
What ends up happening much of the time when a girl is approached by an older man while with
her social circle in the West is this:
Older man approaches younger woman in front of her friends
Younger woman panics internally; thinks, "Oh no; what if my friends think I'm a gold digger, or
into dirty old men?!"
Younger woman rejects older man to ensure she maintains her social status; gossips to her friends:
"Can you believe that? He's old enough to be my father!"
This reinforces to the group that older men are 'dirty' and need to be rejected by any of the group's
members on said older men's approaches
The larger and more cohesive the girl group, the stronger this effect is.

But much of it is group-based; the effect goes away rather fast when a group disbands or a girl stops
associating with a tight-knit group of judgmental (or imagined to be judgmental) friends.
That is to say, if you meet an 18-year-old in high school with her group of 7 besties, even if you're
attractive and she might otherwise like you, you're walking into a bear trap as an older man and will
easily be eviscerated.
Conversely, if you meet an 18-year-old in college when she's just recently arrived and doesn't know
anyone yet and there are no suspected social repercussions for her actions (she is anonymous), and
you're attractive and she likes you, there's a good probability things go quite well.
Therefore, if you're an older man who likes younger women, avoid approaching large, cohesive
groups whenever and wherever possible.
If you're a younger man, your odds are a bit better... but you are STILL a lot more likely to get
thrown under the bus by a girl in a tight group than a girl you approach who is alone or with a sole
friend.
The rule of thumb for older and younger men alike, then, but especially older men, is this: approach
girls by themselves or with but one friend as your preferred choices.
The girl with 2+ friends in-tow is less and less likely to be receptive, because she's too worried
about her reputation and too uninterested in however attractive you actually would be to her in
another situation.
Of course, if you see a girl you really like, and won't have a chance to meet her in more favorable
conditions, give it a shot anyway. The worst she can do is laugh you off... but she'd do that to
anybody in that situation.
Approaching Younger Women
Goes without saying, but same as any other advice on this site - don't bother making excuses for
yourself, qualifying yourself, or anything - it just makes it weird.
That means, don't try to explain why you're approaching her, as if she's going to think, "Isn't this
guy too old to be talking to me?!" Just act like it's the most normal thing in the world, and she's a lot
more likely to follow your lead. Eventually, you'll get comfortable enough with approaching
younger women that it WILL be the most normal thing in the world.
younger women
Sprezzatura becomes ever more important as you age - a young man chasing a woman around is
bad; an older man chasing a woman around is worse. Obey the Law of Least Effort. It's crucial to
coming across as a stand-out older man rather than an ordinary or washed up one.
Is there a specific type of opener to use with younger women?
No, not really.
As usually, situationally relevant openers will get you into more interactions, more smoothly, and
provide an easy entry into indirect game, while direct openers are more polarizing, and will lead to
strong disapproval from some women and strong instant attraction from others.

Worth noting here: women will use the, "Aren't you too old for me?" or, "Aren't I a little young for
you?" excuse to reject you when you are older than them and they are younger than you and they
are not interested. Don't take this at face value, any more than you would a woman telling you that
she has a boyfriend or isn't really dating right now or what have you. It's just an excuse. Women
will pick the first excuse at hand to reject you with when they aren't interested... but the real reason
for the rejection is that they simply aren't interested. They almost never actually know why they
aren't, though.
I've several times seen younger women reject a man with an, "I'm a little too young for you, don't
you think?" excuse, only for them to later end up with a man older than the one they rejected
(usually one more charming than the first).
Don't take it to heart when you get the "you're too old for me" rejection; it just means you were
doing general attraction things wrong, not that you've crossed some age threshold whereby you are
no longer attractive to any women of her age bracket anymore.
Differences Between Older Guy and Younger Guy Game
Depending on your age, you'll treat younger women a little bit differently.
Generally speaking, younger Western women like being teased. They respond well to it. They enjoy
having a man gently nudge them in the ribs and delicately pop their egos.
Teasing properly is an easy way of showing a younger woman you aren't putting her on a pedestal.
The great masses of younger and older alike men are guilty of this; and usually, both younger and
older men need to tease somewhat to differentiate themselves from the kiss-ups and supplicaters.
Regardless of your age, it's important to keep this teasing light and not too personal. You don't want
to send her into auto-rejection; you just want to tease her enough that she says, "Oh, good... he can
be normal around me and isn't going to be tip-toeing around because he thinks I'm young, hot, and
amazing."
Also regardless of your age, you will show interest in her potential, asking her things about what
she does with her time, what she'd like to do, why she does the things she does and not the things
she would rather be doing, etc. - everything we talked about in those conversation articles (if you
need more, see "Conversation Example" and "What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask
Her").
However, when you're younger and talking about yourself, you'll want to allude a bit more to
qualities that paint you as wild, rebellious, adventurous, and ambitious - travel, sports, martial arts,
getting arrested, starting a business, etc.
When you're older, you want to allude more to things that imply you've "made it." Not showboating,
mind you; not even explicitly stating what is so great about you. But just implying via your
communication that you are comfortable living the life of someone who's long since achieved
success, and that is what you're accustomed to.
Here's an example:
Her: ... and if I'm really lucky, someday I'd like to start my own dance school.

You: That's fantastic. Dance is a beautiful form of art.

Her: How about you?
You: Oh, me? Well I actually helped a friend set up her dance school, get it running and off the
ground... that was a long time ago though.
Her: No, I mean, what do you do?
You: Ah. Well, I travel, admire art, and try to sample every reasonably good restaurant in whatever
city I'm spending a fair chunk of time in. I'm a bit of a foodie... sometimes I have to hit the gym
pretty hard after a big meal to not end up with a beer belly. Your body doesn't bounce back as fast
when you're my age as it does when you're younger, you know.
Her: Oh. Well, what I meant was what do you do for work?
You: I have a small company that does software implementations. Nothing terribly huge, but it's
enough for me to have my freedom.
Her: That's so cool; I really want to have my own business.
You: What's stopping you?
Her: Well I...
You can't play the mysterious/traveling unemployed adventurer card as an older man; once you're
past 33 or 34 or so, I think you've pretty much got to be a business owner (best), retired (second
best, or maybe tied for best), or reasonably high up in whatever you do for work.
You also must be very wary of being the older "adventure" traveler; a woman is excited to meet a
young man traveling the world for the sake of adventure, but when she meets an older man who's
traveling, he must have a purpose for being there.
Which brings us to a core difference between younger and older men: younger men are expected to
be in search of a purpose; older men are expected to have one.
Everything about you, as an older man, must communicate purpose, certainty, and self-assuredness.
You must know not just the what of the things you do, but the why.
You're not in Eastern Europe because you're a sex tourist. You're there because you're opening up a
new branch of your bank from back home in Switzerland.
You're not in South America because you love Latinas. You're there because you're researching for
the Great American Novel you're writing, and your main character is an immigrant from Brazil.
You're not in East Asia because you've heard Asian women adore Western men. You're there
because a Korean company brought you in to spearhead their marketing advertisements and Britons
have a reputation for well-run advertising campaigns.
This doesn't just extend to travel, either; it extends to everything. You can get away with anything
you want as an older man - even those things most older men can't - if you have a good reason.
You're in a nightclub? Surely you must be chasing after young women - another dirty old man.

Unless it's because you're there to entertain a business client who happens to love nightclubs... or
it's your buddy's bachelor party (for his second wedding)... or you're old friends with the manager of
the club and you wanted to pay him a visit. Or maybe you just spent a great deal of time in
nightclubs as a youth and you still like to come by and have a drink now and again for old time's
sake.
You're approaching women on the street during day game? Well, you were on your way to the
office, and you just couldn't help it: she's beautiful; you had to meet her.
You quickly see how important it is as an older man to have a social life that's structured around
your professional endeavors, or other core callings in life.
Having reasons for things is a "nice to have" as a younger man meeting younger women, but it's a
must have for older men meeting them. One of the big differences between a dirty old man and a
suave older gentleman is that the dirty old man is just chasing around after pretty young girls like
he's 22 years old. The suave older gentleman is only there because his mission has taken him there and while there, he's just happened to notice this beautiful girl.
Notes on Dating Younger Women as a Younger Man
Some of the younger readers on this site have asked about how to do better with younger women as
a younger man, since many younger women seem to go for men at least a few years older than
them.
Others have remarked that they don't even like younger women, and find them annoying or trite,
preferring women older than themselves.
In fact, depending on how old you are, even as a man you'll frequently tend to prefer women older
than yourself, at least until your early twenties or so:
The tendency for women to prefer older partners, and for men to prefer younger partners, has
frequently been explained in terms of socialization to American sex-role norms specifying that men
must be older and more powerful than their female partners. However, recent cross-cultural data
reveal this same pattern in all societies studied, a finding more in line with an evolutionary lifehistory model. The evolutionary model assumes that what is attractive to males is not youth, per se,
but features related to fertility. This perspective leads to a hypothesis concerning the development of
age preferences among adolescents: teenage males should violate the normative pattern shown in
adult males and express interest in females older than themselves. 209 teenagers (103 males, 106
females) ranging in age from 12 to 19 were surveyed regarding the age limits they would find
acceptable in a dating partner, as well as the age of a dating partner they would find ideally
attractive. Although teenage males were willing to date girls slightly younger than themselves, they
indicated a much wider range of acceptability above their own ages, and also reported that their
ideally attractive partners would be several years older than themselves. Preferences of teenage
females were similar in pattern to those of adult females, ranging, on average, from their own age to
several years older. When combined with the consistent adult data obtained from numerous
cultures, these data suggest the utility of viewing the development of sex differences in mate
preference from the perspective of an evolutionary life-history model.
That's from "Adolescents' Age Preferences for Dating Partners: Support for an Evolutionary Model
of Life-History Strategies", a 2008 article in the journal Child Development.
Both younger men and younger women prefer older partners, according to the study.
Personally, I did better with women in their mid-20s and up until I was about 26 or 27... it wasn't

until then that I started consistently sleeping with women in their late teens and early 20s. We
simply didn't have much to talk about, and weren't really what one another was looking for.
If you're a younger guy interacting with younger girls, be aware that younger women can seem
jarring and hard-to-get because they don't have the smoother, better-calibrated social responses that
more experienced older women have... instead, younger women are rough around the edges. They
will be:
Seemingly rude sometimes when they're just trying to tease or flirt with you
Looking aloof and disinterested because they're very focused on saving face
Complaining and objecting, even about things they may want to do
Trying to treat you like you're being weird even when you're not
This is partly why some guys do better with younger women as they get more experienced with
women - when you don't know where the lines are because you're not socially experienced enough
yet, it's hard to know if her reaction is correct or off/fake.
Once you know though, it's easy to give a girl the skeptical look until she drops the act and goes
along with you.
Think of it like this: younger women are all talk and little walk (and often don't know what they
want), while older women don't talk as much but are a lot firmer and more straightforward in what
they want and communicate (or don't).
With younger women, keep the conversation to a minimum, keep things moving, and do not brag.
Bragging is bad with older women; it communicates a guy is insecure and needs to build his status
up. But it does something much worse with younger women: it makes you unrelatable.
Most of the things men brag about, younger women cannot relate to, because they haven't had those
life experiences yet.
All you do with bragging around younger women is alienate them and blow yourself out.
Relationships with Younger Women
Here's one I don't have quite as much information on, but I'll relate some anecdotal data.
When I see older men take younger long-term girlfriends and brides, the cutoff age seems to be
about 27 as the minimum. I noticed it when I was pretty young; all these rich older men would
always be marrying 27-year-old women.
"What's wrong with a 20-year-old?" I used to think as a teen. "If I was some rich old guy, that's who
*I* would marry! 27 is so old!"
I think the reason for this is, again, relatability; a woman who's a long-term relationship partner of
yours is someone who's going to be very close with you, someone you're going to spend a lot of
time with, someone who will influence you quite a bit, and someone you'll talk with more than
almost anyone else.
And the fact of the matter is, if you're an exceptional older guy who's trying to do things with his
life, a 20-year-old kid just isn't going to have a lot of perspective yet to be able to contribute a
whole lot to your mission.

I'm positive this is why older men might like sleeping with much younger women, but will usually
select as their more permanent mates women who aren't quite the youngest they could get.
It's because, as much fun as that 18-year-old with her tight body was... she just doesn't have much to
say when you want to tell her about how things are going with your business, and that complicated
merger you just pulled off, and whoa, look what your competitor is doing, isn't that crazy.
Unless you want to be her second father in the relationship (and I doubt you do), you'll almost
certainly end up dating a woman in her mid- to late-20s or up when you're already somewhere in
your 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond.
It's an Older Man's Game, Too
younger womenOne final piece of research to strip you of any last remaining reservations you
might've had about dating younger women as an older man. This one's from Research on Aging,
and it's entitled "The Nature and Functions of Dating in Later Life." Here's the abstract:
Using the National Survey of Families and Households, logistic regression analyses were
conducted to identify factors that are significant predictors of dating for persons aged 60 years and
older. Stepwise regressions were also conducted to determine the effects of dating on the
psychological well-being of older daters. The strongest predictor of the propensity to date in later
life is gender, with men significantly more likely to engage in dating. A number of gender
differences were noted as they relate to the likelihood of dating. In particular, age and social role
involvement tend to influence older men's likelihood of dating, while health and mobility were
significantly associated with dating among older women.
Older men (60+, in this study) are significantly more likely than older women to be dating.
Of course, if older men were dating older women, those numbers would have to be equal... but they
aren't.
They're dating younger women.
A good chunk of them, anyway.
Biggest influencers on older men's dating were age (realistically-speaking, a 60-year-old is probably
more likely to be dating than an 80-year-old) and social role - another way of saying social status.
That is, if you want to know which older men are most likely to be dating, just look at whether
they're ordinary men with mid-level social status... or exceptional men with exceptional status.
Younger women are there and available to you as an older man, if you want them, and if you're
willing to work on yourself hard enough to become what they want.
So get out there and show those whippersnappers how it's done.
Chase Amante

How Girls Show Interest

Women are subtle in how they show interest. Well, by male standards, anyway. Even when women
think they are blatantly obvious, theyre quite often being very subtle by male standards.
Learning to tell how girls show interest is a very valuable skill for a man, because it will allow him
to operate with greater assurance hes making the right move at the right time, and will also allow
him to pick up the pace when a woman signals she is ready.
The last couple of girls I slept with surprised me a little at how quickly they were ready to get
together. They gave me some hints that probably wouldve seemed fairly subtle; a friend of mine
remarked that one of the girls I took home and bedded rather quickly quite recently hadnt even
seemed to be terribly interested in me, and that it just looked like we were having a good
conversation. Being able to read the signals they gave me was the main reason I moved as quickly
with them as I did.

Mixed Messages, Unmixed

Probably one of the more confusing things for men about how women show interest is when
women appear to be sending mixed messages when they do something that makes it seem
theyre interested, then do something that makes it seem like theyre being challenging or aloof. Its
important to understand why this happens.
Remember that for women, saving face is extremely important, no matter where in the world you
are. A womans social reputation is tied to her desirability to men and her choosiness; there is little
more damaging to a womans reputation than for her to be seen throwing herself at a man who
wont take her. Because of this, womens efforts to show men theyre interested are often couched
within efforts to seem aloof or disinterested.
For instance, a girl may tell a guy, Wow, were so similar, then proceed to act distracted or look
away. The guy may scratch his head, wondering if that means she likes him or not.
This is probably the most common way you will see women expressing interest in you; theyll give
you a hint, then stuff it under sarcasm or aloofness.
There is a secret to understanding these scrambled messages women send though its like a secret
decoder ring for woman-speak. Here it is:
If a woman implies she is interested in you, you should accept the statement as a sign of interest and
ignore sarcasm, aloofness, or feigned distraction as simply her efforts to protect her reputation in
the event you do not feel the same or do not take action to lead her to a satisfactory conclusion.
In other words, its her insurance policy. By not throwing all her chips in by being completely overt
about her interest, she allows herself some wiggle room to later say, Oh, I wasnt really interested
in him, I was just kidding, if things dont work out.
Which means, of course, that your ears should perk up the instant you hear something that implies a
girl is interested in you then, pick up the pace and start moving things forward as quickly as
possible (but, needless to say, wait a moment before springing to action you must always have
your actions seem your own, as opposed to being reactions to something the girl has done. Even a

small pause of three or four seconds can sometimes be enough just give yourself a little time and
be very casual, nonchalant, and natural about things).

Capitalizing on Girls Showing You Interest

The primary reason why I have been having fast liaisons with women these days is because I am
getting these little subtle signs of interest and I am capitalizing on them quickly. Im not just
moving things forward with any girl (well, usually, anyway I had a night in Manila where I was
grabbing pretty much every girl in the venue to go sit with me in one spot or another, but then, I
wasnt entirely sober that night); Im pinging different girls whom I like the looks of, and moving
things forward with the ones who respond warmly.
The girl I slept with quickly on our first date the other day, I hadnt been expecting to do that with. I
thought we were going to go and grab some food at a restaurant. But she got a weird look on her
face when she saw me as I reached her car, and when we got in she asked me if I wanted to go to
my place or drive around. It was kind of a strange question for her to ask, just because girls dont
usually ask that kind of thing, so I said my place, and we went upstairs, and she got into a position
on my sofa with her body facing very directly and very openly toward me, so I read that as her
being desirous of fast intimacy with me, and I took her quickly to bed.
You must get in the habit of responding this way to interest women show you; often they will show
it to you only once, maybe twice, and never again. You dont get second chances with lustful
women. They can quickly be hurt or upset that you did not want them when they offered themselves
to you, and will close themselves up to protect their feelings, pride, and reputation.
I had a girl in Seoul, South Korea back in July that I lost from not capitalizing on the interest she
showed me. She was such a great girl to me she took me to her favorite restaurant in town, treated
me to dinner, walked with me to a tea place, paid for the tea as well, and even offered to drive me
back to the apartment I was staying at. She asked me if my friend would be home at his apartment
(he wasnt) something thatd be brutally blatant for a girl to say in any culture, but especially one
that can be as reserved as South Koreas (if youre wondering why, theres really only one reason a
girl would start wondering whether anyone else would be in your apartment or if youd be alone
there). I gave her only a half-assed effort to get her upstairs with me when we arrived at the
apartment though, and needless to say she didnt come.
I felt awful by the time Id arrived upstairs this girl who by her own account hadnt had a lover
since she broke up with her boyfriend nearly a year ago, this beautiful girl, whod been so excited
about seeing me and had told all her officemates about me, had made it as clear as she could have
that she wanted to accompany me upstairs and have me as her lover that night, and I let her down. I
let her down after shed bought me dinner at her favorite restaurant and bought me tea at a very nice
little tea place and shown me around town and driven me home so I didnt have to pay a taxi or ride
the subway. She of course flaked on the date wed had set up for the next weekend, and didnt
return any of my phone calls or text messages, not replying to me at all until I sent her an email
after Id left Korea.
The girl I slept with this past Sunday also asked me if I had a roommate as we drove back to my
apartment, and even confirmed. No friend in your apartment? she double-checked prior to us
going upstairs. I made sure I didnt let her down.
Ive taken these two rules for myself, and I recommend you take them for yourself as well. Theyve

been serving me quite well since I adopted them:

Shift gears and throw your seduction into overdrive when a girl gives you a nudge implying she
likes you a lot or is thinking about intimacy. If a girl feels she has to help you out and drop hints,
thats basically her way of saying, Okay, enough chit-chat, lets get down to business. Shes ready,
shes made her decision, and she needs you to step things up and make it happen.
Persist harder and more confidently when youve gotten signals. I might let something go if a girl
hasnt signaled to me shes interested (or I might not; depends on my mood, my sex drive at the
moment, and how much I like the girl), but if shes signaled to me shes interested, I will not let
things slip through anymore like I did with that girl in Korea (and quite a few others littered
throughout my past poor lonely disappointed women. Apologies to all the girls who counted on
me for a wonderful night and I let them down by being oblivious to their signals). I will persist in
asking her to accompany me until shes said no eight or ten or twelve times which, when it comes
to girls whove signaled to you they want things to progress, almost never happens. You usually
wont get to eight times they say yes at two or three.
A few examples of things a girl might do that should serve as a strong signal to you shes interested:
She says youd make a great couple, you look good together, anything like that
She says youre handsome or sexy
She asks you where you live, especially if it comes at an unusual time in the conversation or out of
the middle of nowhere
She asks if you live alone or with friends or roommates, and especially if she asks if they are home
right now
She focuses more of her attention on you, especially if youve been quiet or other people are
competing for her attention, but shes still devoting a lot of attention to you
She does something physically suggestive, like taking your arm and putting it around her or taking
your hand and putting it on her, or putting her hand or legs on you
She buys you food or buys you a drink
And, a few examples of things a girl might do immediately following one of these signals that you
ought to just ignore outright:
Turn and start talking to her friends
Crack a joke or make a lame cover up (e.g., Youre so handsome. Ah, I think I just say that to
every guy I meet!)
Act distracted or aloof; start looking around, break eye contact, etc.
Get quiet
Get uncomfortable (e.g., Well, I should probably go most likely if she was hoping you were
going to do something, then felt jilted that you didnt when this happens, stop her and save her
night!)
If a girl shows interest in you, then does something like one of the above, ignore it and proceed with
her anyway. For instance, she says, Youre so handsome. Or maybe Im just drunk.
You say, Nah, Id be handsome even if you were sober. Come on, lets go grab a seat.
~~~~~~~~~~
The more I pay attention, the more surprised I am at how many apparently blatant signals women
throw at men that theyre interested and want to move things forward. Like, women signal this stuff
a lot.
I just spent a minute scanning back over every girl I can remember enough details about the
conversation prior to us getting together, and, hmm maybe 70% of them gave me some kind of

rather strong indication prior to us getting together that they wanted to? And those are the ones that
kinda sorta registered, and Im just now scanning back and realizing were rather obvious signals
they wanted to get together. There might have been all kinds of other ones that didnt register at all,
from both those girls and other ones I didnt register any from that Im counting in the 30%
negatives.
Really wasnt even fully cognizant of this stuff until maybe early summer this year, and I wasnt
capitalizing on it consistently until maybe even a couple of months ago; I was sensing it but only
capitalizing on it inconsistently prior, and before early summer I was just kind of bludgeoning my
way around, relying on a rough sense of timing based on past experience of how fast pulls went. Of
course, how fast your pulls went a year ago is not going to be close to how fast your pulls go right
now if youve been making steady progress.
Im only starting to realize how fast I can pull now that Im recognizing these signals from girls.
Ive been surprised fairly often lately; Ill be sitting there, thinking, Okay, now Ill get the girl to
tell me some stuff about her past, and then and suddenly she will say something that amounts to,
Are you going to take me home already? and Im caught thinking to myself, Wait, what? Did I
hear this correctly? No, she cant possibly well, Im going to be mad at myself if I dont try. All
right, here goes.
And then we get together and Im pleasantly surprised at how quickly it all went down.
Jesus, why did it take me so long to see these? So many disappointed women I left in the past I
feel like going and sitting in the corner with my dunce cap on. Seriously, start paying attention to
what women are telling you and how girls show interest; you may be surprised how fast theyre
ready to do something with you.
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Best,
Chase Amante

Book Excerpts: Signs She Likes You

A few days back, in the Tactics Tuesdays post on how to get approached by women, we talked
about some of the ways you can tell a girl likes you. Learning how girls show interest helps you out
in a variety of ways: it lets you zero in on the girls who already like you; it lets you discriminate
between women who will be receptive to you and women who will take your time but not give
much back; it lets you move faster and get results faster. There are tons of benefits to being able to
read the signs she likes you.
But what are those signs? If you read that second article linked to above, I outline a bunch of them.
You need to get in the habit of recognizing them when you see them - and acting on them when you
do.
In today's excerpt from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You
Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams, I give you some of the most common of those signs she
likes you that you'll see. Look for these when you're out - and capitalize on them when you get

them.
Here are some general signs that a woman is interested and pursuing you:
Shes physically leaning into you the closer the better
Her body is facing you
Shes asking you lots of questions
Shes proactively working to qualify herself and build rapport and a connection, including:
She agrees with just about everything you say, very emphatically
She works to relate her experiences to yours and build commonalities
She focuses on ways that the two of you are alike in conversation
Shes touching you
Shes talking about things the two of you can or will do in the future (such as hanging out, going to
different places, or even taking vacations)
She uses we and us when referring to you and her
When you see these signs, particularly in abundance, you can take them as indicators that she is
very interested and is in pursuit.
Now, if you know us on this site here, you know we're all about getting girls to do the chasing whenever and wherever possible. Women will hate you if you tell them that - "Men should do the
chasing!" they proclaim - but it makes your life infinitely easier once you've got it down.
Why do want girls chasing after you? Well... isn't it obvious?
Anyway, if that sounds good to you, you'll want to grab a copy of my eBook. In it, an incredibly
comprehensive, 406-page how-to guidebook on picking up and getting together with girls, I break
the process down step-by-step into the most minute details so you understand everything, and then I
sum it all back up again in an easy-to-remember, easy-to-follow and dead simple to use process to
get you getting wild success with the girls of your dreams today. If you haven't picked up your copy
yet, you owe it to yourself to go here and download it right now: