Escolar Documentos
Profissional Documentos
Cultura Documentos
com/>
Escaping and surviving abusive relationships
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
Main Menu
Skip to content
<#content>
* Home
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
* About Avalanche
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/about/>
* My story
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/my-story/>
* Real stories
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/real-stories/>
* Blog awards
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/liebster-award/>
* FAQs
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/faqs/>
* Early warning signs
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/early-warning-signs/>
* Abusive tactics
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/abusive-tactics/>
* Trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/trauma-bonding/>
* Escaping abuse
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/escaping-abuse/>
* Resources and support
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/resources-and-support/>
* Lets talk
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/lets-talk/>
4 facts about trauma-bonding in abusive relationships
January 25, 2015
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bondin
g-in-abusive-relationships/>
by AvalancheOfTheSoul
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/author/soulavalanche/>
in
Abusive tactics
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/category/abusive-tactics/>,
Trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/category/trauma-bonding-2/>.
Trauma-bonding offers a compelling insight into why people struggle
to escape abusive relationships. Here are four facts about what it
is and why it works and how to break the destructive bond.
1) Trauma-bonding is a real thing
Emerging research is shedding new light onto traumatic-bonding, and its
role in abusive relationships. Also known as the betrayal bond,
researchers have found it occurs in a variety of traumatic situations:
the general phenomenon of victims developing emotional attachments
to their abusers or captors has been observed in situations of
intimate partner violence, child abuse, hostage situations, human
trafficking, and cults. (Reid, Haskell, Dillahunt-Aspillaga, Thor,
2013 <http://works.bepress.com/joan_reid/20/>)
Typically likened to Stockholm Syndrome named after a high-profile
incident in which hostages sided with their captors rather than those
that tried to rescue them traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment
to someone to upon whom we feel our survival depends. This could include
our physical safety, emotional welfare, financial circumstances,
relationship with the children or any other factor which believe is
directly reliant upon the whims of our abusive partner.
Typically, the more extreme the abuse, the stronger the trauma-bond
becomes. This offers an explanation as to why individuals may for many
years stay in violent relationships without feeling able to break free.
2) Abusive partners deliberately cultivate trauma-bonding
Whether or not an abusive partner is aware of the term, most
instinctively cultivate trauma-bonding because it gives them an
advantage in:
* Establishing and maintaining control over their partner
* Eroding their partners self-esteem, confidence in their judgement,
and ability to act independently
* Compelling their partner to stay in an abusive relationship or to
return if they have left.
They do this, according to Dutton and
<http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&sqi=2&ved=0CGA
QFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.researchgate.net%2Fpublication%2F15006319_Emotional_a
ttachments_in_abusive_relationships_a_test_of_traumatic_bonding_theory%2Ffile%2F
60b7d5232780d26ef1.pdf&ei=T68HU--hMqPG7Ab_mIHgDA&usg=AFQjCNHw9M-TphcUOgEOhvx9rpl
ldMjVzA&bvm=bv.61725948,d.bGQ>
Painter (
<http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&sqi=2&ved=0CGA
QFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.researchgate.net%2Fpublication%2F15006319_Emotional_a
ttachments_in_abusive_relationships_a_test_of_traumatic_bonding_theory%2Ffile%2F
60b7d5232780d26ef1.pdf&ei=T68HU--hMqPG7Ab_mIHgDA&usg=AFQjCNHw9M-TphcUOgEOhvx9rpl
ldMjVzA&bvm=bv.61725948,d.bGQ>1981)
<http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&sqi=2&ved=0CGA
QFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.researchgate.net%2Fpublication%2F15006319_Emotional_a
ttachments_in_abusive_relationships_a_test_of_traumatic_bonding_theory%2Ffile%2F
60b7d5232780d26ef1.pdf&ei=T68HU--hMqPG7Ab_mIHgDA&usg=AFQjCNHw9M-TphcUOgEOhvx9rpl
ldMjVzA&bvm=bv.61725948,d.bGQ>,
by ensuring that there is a strong imbalance of power in the
relationship, and with a pattern of abuse that includes rewards for
good behavior or times where abuse is lessened/ not present.
Avalanche of the Soul 2013-14
<https://avalancheofthesoul.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/quote1.jpg>
Avalanche of the Soul 2013-14
3) The trauma-bond maintains the abusive status quo
Many of us that have experienced domestic abuse will recognise this
situation as familiar: a dominant, controlling partner is seen as
all-powerful, with often unpredictable mood-swings so we never know
whether Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde is walking through the door. We feel relief
when they are nice to us, but are permanently wired waiting for the
abuse to flare up again, as it inevitably does.
And, when we are abused again, we experience this as validation that
yes, our partner does have God-like control over our emotional or
physical wellbeing. As a result, we come to believe what our abusive
partner wants us to believe, which is that we have no autonomy beyond
that which they grant us, are dependent upon them, and literally could
not survive without them despite the pain and suffering we endure.
Photo by familymwr
<https://avalancheofthesoul.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/biohazard-woman.jpg>
Photo by familymwr
We may find ourselves covering up for our partner, or defending them
when someone else challenges their abuse. We may and often do resist
well-meaning attempts to rescue us from the situation. Its another
reason that it is vital for concerned friends and family to learn as
much as possible about domestic abuse/violence, and persist in reaching
out to offer support.
4) The trauma-bond is breakable
Like a drug, the trauma-bond is addictive. Counter-intuitive as it may
sound, we often become dependent on our abuser as the sole source of
relief from abuse. We invest time and energy in strategies to mitigate
or cope with the abuse, waiting for the high when it temporarily
ceases. These survival strategies are essential, but they change our
thinking so that we become accustomed to the abuse (even whilst it
terrifies and appalls us). Abuse becomes what we know, it becomes what
we understand. This makes us resistant and afraid to be without our
abusive partner.
Love is joy
<https://avalancheofthesoul.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/strong_woman.jpg>
Original photo by Doll Joints
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?share=tumblr&nb=1>
* Print
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/#print>
* Email
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?share=email&nb=1>
*
Like this:
Like Loading...
/Related/
3 major signs you re in a trauma bond
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/3-major-signs-youre-in-a-tr
auma-bond/>
3 major signs you re in a trauma bond
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/3-major-signs-youre
-in-a-trauma-bond/>
Are you struggling to understand why it is so hard to let go of a
violent or abusive relationship? Here are three signs that trauma
bonding may be holding you back. 1. You re in a violent or otherwise
abusive relationship, and you don t know you d survive without him.
Trauma-bonding manifests
In "Abusive tactics"
What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-we-neverlearn-about-trauma-bonding/>
What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-w
e-never-learn-about-trauma-bonding/>
Do you think you can t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless
when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on
your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a
carefully crafted trauma bond - but you don t
In "Abusive tactics"
Why we stay: trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/why-we-stay-trauma-bonding/
>
Why we stay: trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/why-we-stay-traumabonding/>
*
StrongerSoulSurvivor
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
January 26, 2015 at
6:54 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2860>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2860#respond>
Its a sick bond, between the abuser & abused. You described it so
perfectly!
It wasnt until CPS was involved that I was able to successfully
leave my abusive relationship. Nothing came of it, but this time
when I left he didnt pursue me. Having no contact with him gave me
time to come out of the fog and become strong. Something I wasnt
able to do the first two times I left. The keys were 1) no contact
and 2) seeing a counselor who specialized in domestic abuse and 3)
finding blogs (like this) dealing with domestic abuse and breaking
free from narcissists. Thank you for caring enough to reach out to
others thru your blog. You DO make a difference. :)
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2855&_wpnonce=1521a16db6>Liked
by 2 people <#>
*
StrongerSoulSurvivor
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
January 26, 2015 at
7:00 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2861>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2861#respond>
Thank you for your encouraging words, and also for taking time
worked for you, and you are finally free from that destructive
situation :)
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2862&_wpnonce=6970bcd5eb>Liked
by 1 person <#>
4.
Debra Sutton
<http://signsofagayhusbandbydebrasutton.wordpress.com/>
January 26,
2015 at 6:47 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2859>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2859#respond>
Great Post. Thank you for what you do. Trauma Bonding is the only
explaination for why i stayed in a 22 year abusive marriage.
Thankfully he wanted out. I was discarded. While i was in the
discard phase i found out he had a secret life throughout our 22
year marriage. He is gay and living a double life. He tried to keep
our relationship open to the possibilty of getting back together, if
his new life did not work out. When i confronted him about
information regarding his homosexuality he broke all contact with
me. I am grateful he broke contact. I could not see things clearly
while in the marriage, after being away from him the fog started to
lift. I began to see every thing with clear eyes. It is so hard to
break free from an abusive relationship. No Contact is absolutely
the best way to go. This is hard when you have children, in this
case limited contact that only relates to the children. Keeping your
boundries is so important.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2859&_wpnonce=d92ea70a22>Liked
by 2 people <#>
*
StrongerSoulSurvivor
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
January 26, 2015 at
7:08 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2863>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2863#respond>
Thank you for taking the time to advise others who are caught in
a trauma bond. I can only imagine how strong you are to recover
from such protracted exposure to abuse. Truly amazing!
Boundaries are SO important, because it is essential in
regaining control of our emotions and our lives, giving us the
space we need to heal and recover.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2863&_wpnonce=3c708587ba>Liked
by 1 person <#>
o
Debra Sutton
<http://signsofagayhusbandbydebrasutton.wordpress.com/>
February 3, 2015 at 2:54 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-t
rauma-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2887>
Thank You Very Much.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-t
rauma-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2887&_wpnonce=49c6057436>Li
ke
5.
Pingback: 4 facts about trauma-bonding in abusive relationships |
Blog of a College Writer
<https://dinavidscuitee.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/4-facts-about-trauma-bondin
g-in-abusive-relationships/>
6.
jenniferslimm
<https://enlivenenough.wordpress.com/2014/12/13/when-youve-had-enough/>
January 31, 2015 at 5:25 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2880>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2880#respond>
Hi there
Thank you for taking the time to share your experience here. It
IS so addictive, when I left I found myself thinking, This is
what going cold turkey must feel like. But hard as it is, it is
possible to break the bond. Please dont give up.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=2881&_wpnonce=f1d4fb22c1>Liked
by 1 person <#>
7.
drained
March 26, 2015 at 5:16 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-2971>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=2971#respond>
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=3191#respond>
Thankyou your so right youve put me back onto the path of freedom.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=3188&_wpnonce=ce5c40ee2c>Liked
by 1 person <#>
*
AvalancheOfTheSoul <https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
July 14, 2015 at 3:35 pm
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-3192>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=3192#respond>
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=3201&_wpnonce=c2646deaa5>Liked
by 1 person <#>
*
AvalancheOfTheSoul <https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/>
July 23, 2015 at 10:17 am
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-3203>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=3203#respond>
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=3262#respond>
I know how you feel Paula. So glad you see through his hollow
promises and heartless tactics. Keep strong, you are worth
million times more than what hes offering.
Like
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-traum
a-bonding-in-abusive-relationships/?like_comment=3292&_wpnonce=8c52428a63>Like
14.
Pingback: 4 facts about trauma-bonding in abusive relationships |
Emmagc75 s Blog
<https://emma75love.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/4-facts-about-trauma-bonding-in
-abusive-relationships/>
15.
Debra Sutton <http://signsofagayhusbandbydebrasutton.com/> January
24, 2016 at 6:01 am
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/#comment-3555>
Reply
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/?replytocom=3555#respond>
WordPress.com Logo
** You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out
<javascript:HighlanderComments.doExternalLogout(%20 wordpress %20);> / Change
<#> )
Twitter picture
** You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out
<javascript:HighlanderComments.doExternalLogout(%20 twitter %20);> / Change
<#> )
Facebook photo
** You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out
<javascript:HighlanderComments.doExternalLogout(%20 facebook %20);> / Change
<#> )
Google+ photo
** You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out
<javascript:HighlanderComments.doExternalLogout(%20 googleplus %20);> / Change
<#> )
Cancel <javascript:HighlanderComments.cancelExternalWindow();>
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.
Notify me of new posts via email.
Don t miss a thing!
Click for updates by email
Join 1,151 other followers
Avalanche Tweets
My Tweets
Facebook <https://www.facebook.com/avalancheofthesoul>
Facebook <https://www.facebook.com/avalancheofthesoul>
Search
Search
Cool articles
* What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-we-ne
ver-learn-about-trauma-bonding/>
What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-we-ne
ver-learn-about-trauma-bonding/>
* Emotional blackmail: suicide threats in abusive relationships
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-sui
cide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/>
Emotional blackmail: suicide threats in abusive relationships
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/emotional-blackmail-sui
cide-threats-in-abusive-relationships/>
* 4 facts about trauma-bonding in abusive relationships
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/>
4 facts about trauma-bonding in abusive relationships
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/4-facts-about-trauma-bo
nding-in-abusive-relationships/>
* How to beat emotional blackmail
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/12/12/how-to-spot-emotional-b
lackmail/>
How to beat emotional blackmail
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/12/12/how-to-spot-emotional-b
lackmail/>
* How to execute the perfect hoover manoeuvre
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/how-to-execute-the-perf
ect-hoover-manoeuvre/>
How to execute the perfect hoover manoeuvre
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/how-to-execute-the-perf
ect-hoover-manoeuvre/>
Now discussing
Anonymous on Trauma bonding
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/trauma-bonding/comment-page-1/#comment
-3595>
Anonymous on What your abuser doesnt
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/what-your-abuser-doesnt-wan
t-you-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-3593>
Tammy M on How to execute the perfect
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/how-to-execute-the-perfecthoover-manoeuvre/comment-page-1/#comment-3590>
Fulvi on Staying out of an abusive rela
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/staying-out-of-an-abusive-r
elationship-an-essential-to-do-list/comment-page-1/#comment-3588>
kim on What abusers hope we never lea
<https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/what-abusers-hope-we-neverlearn-about-trauma-bonding/comment-page-2/#comment-3587>
Site stats
* 379,765 visits
Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
<https://wordpress.com/?ref=footer_website> | The Oxygen Theme
<https://wordpress.com/themes/oxygen/>.
Follow
<javascript:void(0)>
Follow Avalanche of the soul
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.
Join 1,151 other followers
Build a website with WordPress.com <https://wordpress.com/?ref=lof>
%d bloggers like this:
Send to Email Address
Your Name
Your Email Address
loading Cancel <#cancel> Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.