RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 1
HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Rosa Martinez HD 489 Reflection on Life Experiences Norma Castellanos Pacific Oaks College
Results
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 2 My first participant, Brenda was surprised to find herself pregnant only 1 month in a half after marrying her husband. We knew that we wanted kids, and then there she was! she told me. Brenda preferred a natural birth, but also wanted the security of being in a hospital. It didn't seem like the kind of thing I could really plan, she said, but I really didn't want a cesarean. Brenda got induced and because of her complicated pregnancy she ended up getting the epidural. She had some plans, but her plans weren't complete. Brenda was induced so she didn't get to choose how her baby would be born. But thank God it was a vaginal birth I pushed for two hours. I was so incredibly exhausted. I was afraid of getting a C-section so I did my best to have a good natural birth. Brendas Daughter was born at thirty three. Four weeks. She was almost eight months. Brenda felt scared with her birth experience. I'm just glad it's over. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. she told me. Her husband was her birth coach and she says he has always been very supportive emotionally throughout her labor and after. He was there all the days I was in the hospital. He would take me every night after work to visit my daughter at the hospital He pretty much provided everything she needed for her daughter. Brenda stayed at her mothers for one month. Brendas husband would visit them every day We were close friends before we dated, so we have leaned on each other through a lot. I was able to be in the hospital with my baby for 4 days, but once I got out the hospital and had to leave my baby it was hard for me, Brenda said. She told me her baby was in the hospital for one week only and she cried every day for her, but thinking she would be out soon would make her feel better. Brenda informed herself of how she needed to take care of her daughter. She made sure with the hospital that she had the right equipment for her. A nurse would go to her house every week to see how her baby was doing due to the fact that her baby was born preemie, and since neither one of them had any experience with babies. It was good for us to have a professional come in, and my parents
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 3 understood she said. We didn't know anything about babies, so I don't know what would have happened without her! I especially needed help with breastfeeding. The first month of her daughters life, Brenda struggled with a lot of anxiety regarding doing the right thing. She was afraid that any mistake she made at the beginning would negatively alter the course of her daughters entire life. She felt very sensitive and cried easily for the first couple of weeks, but after that she felt pretty normal, except for the additional anxiety. She handles her anxiety by talking with her husband and her sister about it, but she admits that many times she just compartmentalizes her feelings. She was going through a lot of emotions. She keeps remembering how everything happen fast and she would cry. Brenda also lost some of her vision so that made it difficult for her. She started going to speak to a psychologist during her second month once she was able to drive herself because no one else could take her any other time or days. Brendas biggest struggle in her transition into motherhood was the feeling of uncertainty. I think at first it was difficult for her baby to bond. She did wanted to breastfeed so that would stress them both. Once she stop trying to breastfeed the bonding became much easier not always knowing what to do, wondering if she is doing something wrong, or worrying about generally messing up her kid are issues that occasionally keep her up at night. Brendas says she has managed to integrate her role as a mother into her identity by fully embracing it at the beginning and letting everything else go. Brenda has a good husband that will costly make sure that everything is going great with her. My second participant, Miriam, after dating for ten years decided to get married. Two years later after already having a boy she got pregnant again out of her surprise, she did not expected this pregnancy. Miriam was happy that she was being a mother for the second time. She said, that she couldnt wait to have her second baby with her. To her surprise, she said that she had to go to the hospital because she was already having contractions. When she was going to the hospital she said, that she was afraid because she was just twenty eight weeks pregnant. When her baby was born they had to
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 4 keep him in the NICU because he was born with heart problems and had to be in oxygen. Every time that she had to go to the hospital she would cry and pray to god that her baby would get better. At first she said, it was hard for her and her husband because they had to find a babysitter to watch over her other son. Her family was very supportive they did what they could to help her. Two months and 10 days passed and her son was able to come home. At first it was hard for her son to be able to adjust to the environment but as soon as he was out it was easy for him to adjust to them. They had a lot of support from a nurse that would come and visit to see how her son was doing and to help in anything they needed. She said that she didnt feel alone and lost because she had the help she needed. They were times where she felt like she wasnt bonding with her son and that made her very emotional especially when she tried breastfeeding her son and she wasnt able to provide breast milk. She asked for help and found a person from her former church that had a baby around her sons age and she helped her out by providing the breast milk to her son. Her biggest struggles was being able to take care of her two year old son and her newborn she said that they booth needed her. My third participant, Isaac, moves in with his one and only love that he was going out with for four month already, his partners pregnancy came as a surprise two months later after moving in together with her. Isaac felt very sorely disappointed when his partner ended up having preemie babies, he felt like he had failed and blamed himself for his wife having his babies. After a while, Isaac said, I realized that I got what I really wanted my babies. But it was really hard to let go of the experience he had while his partner gave birth. His wife was very supportive during the birth, although Isaac could tell that she was really scared when they had to leave the babies in the NICU. His babies stayed in the NICU for three long weeks and that scared his wife emotionally causing him to step up and take the role of a mother while his wife emotionally recuperated. I took care of the babies when she went back to work three months later after their twins birth. It was very hard when she decided to go back to school at the time, so scheduling and caregiving became a sore spot in their marriage. Their family
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 5 lived in the same house, so Isaac and his wife had to work things out between themselves and his partners parents It was really hard since my parent live in another country and we only had her parents help, he said. I really missed my family. It was so stressful....and isolating. That first month after his twins birth, Isaac really struggled with feelings of failure and loss regarding his birth plan. He also had feelings of uncertainty and anxiety about the logistics of being a working parent and the stress it would put on his marriage. Luckily, Isaac had a close friend who had also had a preemie baby. She was my sounding board. I was a wreck. She knew just what I was going through and that really helped. When the babies came home from being in the NICU they had the support of having a nurse come and visit and help them with their twins. Isaac grew up in a close knit family and has an affectionate relationship with both parents especially his mom. Isaac thinks his relationship with his parents is a real asset to his parenting style. One of the things my mom told me was, 'You know how to love. That's the most important thing.' That really helped me start to let go of some of my fears about how things would plan out. Isaac greatest struggle transitioning into fatherhood was the loss of independence and the anxiety of total responsibility for another person. Having someone need you completely all the time makes it hard to hang on to who you are. I felt so guilty when I wasnt very supportive when my partner had to go to work and school. Isaac needed time to process his role as a father, and he relied on the experiences and support of friends and family to see that he would be able to feel like more than just a dad someday. Analysis Three of the main themes woven through these stories are that birth experience, networks of support, and family relationships had the largest impact on the way these participants experienced their transition to motherhood and fatherhood. Brenda and Isaac had births that they felt empowered by, which gave them a sense of confidence and an awareness of their own hidden strength. Miriam felt
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 6 helpless after her birth experience; it went against her birth plan and made her feel like a passive recipient instead of an active participant in becoming a mother. Brenda had her mother to take care of her while Miriam had a nurse to help her and her husband understands how to take care of a newborn. The more comprehensive the support, the more relief each woman seemed to feel from the anxiety about performing specific maternal functions such as breastfeeding in their new roles as mothers. Family relationships and their emotional reverberations came to the foreground as each participant stepped into the phase of creating their own family. The biggest struggles that each participant experienced as they transitioned into motherhood and parenthood seemed more specific to each individual. Brenda felt overcome with doubt and anxiety about her ability to do the right thing, and Isaac was stung by the departure of his independence. This data indicates that the transition into the role of motherhood and fatherhood is quite nuanced and unique to each participant past experiences, temperament, lifestyle, and expectations of themselves. The data from these participants partially answered my research question, but there are unexplored factors that prevent this information from being appropriately applied to a wider demographic. There are close similarities between the backgrounds of these participant and myself we all identify as heterosexual and Hispanic. The relative homogeneity of our frame of reference eliminates many differing perspectives. This leaves me wondering how women and men from other cultural orientations, socioeconomic statuses, adoptive mothers, and lesbian couples may experience the transition into the role of motherhood. Do the qualities of this right of passage affect each woman or men differently or are there universal truths in the transformation from woman to mother? What other cultural factors support or constrain us? . Conclusion
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II
Martinez 7 Given my analysis of the data I collected, I can conclude that anxiety plays a large role in this transformation; each participant expressed fear and/or trepidation about the heavy responsibility of caring for and raising another human being. Feelings of anxiety seemed to peak when combined with feelings of isolation. It is clear that experienced, sensitive, and supportive people (whether they are partners, family members, friends, or professionals) serve to boost the morale and relieve some of the pressure off of new mothers and fathers. Each participant described the need to express her feelings as she processed her experience and to receive emotional support and reassurance from trusted confidants. Family relationships were significant factors as well. Poor relationships The third participant felt deeply reassured and encouraged by the love and support of her parents, even though they were far away. Despite these conclusions, there are many hidden elements of my research question that remain unanswered. Issues that regard varying cultural, socioeconomic, and personal factors in a woman's and men experience and perception were not addressed with this small sample of participants. The experiences of the women and men I interviewed mirrored my own experience of stress, anxiety, and a need for reassurance at the beginning of my motherhood and fatherhood journey. However, there were significant individual variations in our struggles to reconcile our new roles as mothers with our existing identities as women and men. These individual differences and unexplored cultural factors tell me that, above all, a woman's and men network of support must take into account her needs, experience, and perspective in order to benefit her the most. It is of the utmost importance that a woman gets the support she needs in this vulnerable time. This is something that needs to be addressed both culturally and institutionally in order to truly benefit women and families in the long run.
RUNNING HEAD: HD 487 B Reflective Study: Research II