Reflection on FHS 2400 Marriage and Family Relations and my Signature Assignments.

I felt the learning objectives in this class were very beneficial. Everyone has some
resemblance of a family and the knowledge secured in this class can benefit all who choose to
take the course. This course opened my eyes to the diverse ways of thinking of what a family
means to different people.
I selected two essays from this class to share with my ePortfolio as my Signature
Assignments. First, an essay on Teen Pregnancy and second, an essay on Positive Comments and
Resolving Conflicts in the family. I selfishly chose these two essays because they are important
topics to me. Teen Pregnancy is a concern of mine because I am raising four daughters, I have
often thought what I would do if one of them were to come to me with an unexpected pregnancy
while in their teens. Second, positive comments and resolving conflicts are a form of
communication and I am always looking for ways to better communicate and teach my children
how to be better communicators. I was able to try and adjust some of my behavior with what I
had learned in the class and I was impressed with my success.
Sometimes when you are learning something you realize it is something that will stay
with you forever, I had a few of those moments in this class; pertaining to myself, the way I was
raised and the way I was raising my children. As it relates to what I learned about Teen
Pregnancy, I have some pretty strong beliefs it what should and should not be advised to a
teenager who finds themselves in this situation and Positive Comments do not go unnoticed just
as the negative ones do not go unnoticed.

Teen Pregnancy
My advice to an unmarried pregnant teenager would be fairly lengthy and it would be
slightly different advice between an 18-year-old and a 25-year-old. It would also be the same
advice for both males and females.
I would visit with her/him about whether or not she/he was in love and whether or not
she/he had thought about marrying this person before she/her discovered she/he was pregnant. I
would advise her/him to not marry someone simply because she/he was pregnant. I would also
advise her/him not to believe her/his life was over.
We would discuss what her/his goals are in life the goals she/he had before she/he
discovered she/he was pregnant; what does she/he want to be when she/he grows up, does this
require an education, what did she/he see herself doing right out of high school.
Then I would suggest to her/him that none of her goals needed to change if she/he wanted
to consider placing the child up for adoption. If this was a consideration, we would investigate
both closed and open adoptions; I would want her/him to choose wisely after being educated in
the process. (If they wanted different things; he wanted to have the child and she wanted to adopt
the child outI would encourage either one to allow the other to have an opinion and then I
would support the male if he wanted to have sole custody and I would explain to the female if
the young man wanted to adopt the child out she should be going it aloneI believe neither has
to be a parent if they do not want to be, I do not believe it is only the womans choice.)
If adoption were not a consideration, we would discuss who she/he felt would be able to
help her/him. For her - I would encourage her to research on how important a male role is in a
childs life, encourage her to look at the men in her life and find ones who could be a good male
figure. Encourage her to have an open mind and open policy to the babys father if he wanted

one from the beginning. I would encourage her right from the beginning to involve the courts so
there is not miscommunication on what the expectation and responsibilities for both parties was.
I would encourage her/him to access every single bit of social help she/he could find and
do this early on in the process, I would explain to her/him that it would be beneficial to her/him
to access this help in the beginning so that she/he could continue her education sooner rather than
later and end the social help sooner.
The most important thing for me to make sure she/he understood was her/his life was not
over and her/his most important goal should be the stability of her child. Both in the short term
and in the long term. Her/his social life may be ending, but her/his future was still bright.
If they were a 25-year-old my advice would be basically the same. However, I would be a
bit more disappointed and I would not push the access of social care as much. I would hope
she/he were more stable by twenty-five and would not need that type of help. I would still
encourage the cooperation between the two of them and I would also still emphasize going
through the courts or lawyers with an agreement right from the beginning. Also, if they were
twenty-five and in love I would advocate for marriage. If they were eighteen I would not
advocate for marriage, even if they were in love.
I am not a fan of teen marriage, whether they are pregnant or not. I find it difficult to
suggest marriage at such a young age, their brains are not fully developed and most know very
little about real life. Although our book suggests love is the major criteria used to select a spouse,
and I also believe this to be true I do not believe it should be how an eighteen-year-old chooses
in combination with pregnancy. (Strong, DeVault & Cohen, 2008, p. 280) Choosing a partner for
marriage and the rest of your life, should not be based on a pregnancy.

References
Strong, B, DeVault, C, & Cohen, T.F. (2008) The Marriage and Family
Experience. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.

Positive Comments and Resolving Conflicts

It turns out I am a bit of a micro manager/tell ya like I think it is kinda gal. I decided to
monitor my micro managing and my unsolicited opinions with my children for a few days. I
wanted to see if I could resolve some conflicts and incorporate positive comments. They are
some of my significant loved ones. Because it is Summer both of my high school daughters as
well as my college age daughter are all home.
I was particularly interested in the Resolving Conflicts section in our book and the
categories of Agreement as a Gift, Bargaining, Coexistence and Forgiveness. (Strong, DeVault &
Cohen, 2008, p. 271-74) I decided to write down a short explanation of each idea and then when
a conflict arose or I thought an opinion was warranted I consulted my list of conflict resolution
ideas. Here is what I put on my index cards:
Agreement as a Gift: This gift of agreement is given without coercion or
threats and is a gift of love. Hopefully they will see me agree with them and they
will learn; agreement when given away feels good and maybe they will want to do
the same thing with one another.
Bargaining: You need to compromise. What is best for the relationship is
for both of us to feel like we both have won. Hopefully when they see me
compromise with them they will want to do this with one another.
Coexistence: It is okay to agree to disagree. If it does not involve their
safety be okay with giving them enough ropewho knows they may prove me
wrong and that would be good for both of us.
Forgiveness: Get over it and get over it fast. Physically and mentally it is
best for both of us. The more they are shown forgiveness the more they will show
it to one another.

I kept my index cards close and consulted them often. In the beginning I was apologizing
or re visiting the issue quite a bit. I also worked in the extra positive comments after I had given
my unsolicited opinion, like instructed. By the end of the week I had my cards memorized and
needed them less. It worked really well. One of the most important things for me as a parent is to
raise daughters who can communicate efficiently. I want them to find value in communication
and the right and wrong ways of doing it. This exercise helped me reinforce some of the things I
had already taught them.
Thursday two of my girls had planned a shopping trip. They are starting their back to
school shopping and they also have a wedding coming up they wanted to shop for. The middle
daughter was not asked to tag along because she is the worst shopper on the planet. Nothing fits
her, she thinks. She does not like anything, she thinks. She has fashion sense, she thinks. Wants
your opinion of something, she thinks until it is different from hers. You get the picture. On top
of all that, she is the smallest in size, so everything the other two get she can make work to fit her
and she loves everything they get.
Anyway, she was not invited and they told her why. They will find something great and
she will see it and put her dibs on the item and throw a hissy guilt trip when she does not get her
way. This hurt her feelings and she went off to pout. I listened from the other room as the two
shoppers worked out a plan to let her come with them, they discussed ground rules for her and
what they would do if she broke them. Then when she came back in the room a few minutes later
they shared their plan with her, did a little bargaining with her and allowed her to go with. She
quickly gave them forgiveness and off to the mall they went. Ahhha little success! I will take
it!

References
Strong, B, DeVault, C, & Cohen, T.F. (2008) The Marriage and Family Experience. Belmont,
CA: Wadsworth.