Fundamentals Basic Conversation I

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Fundamentals of Basic Conversation II:

Interaction Outline Pt. 3
Social Life
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How To...
by Mateo Navarrete
Monday, 16 February 2015
Previously, we covered common mistakes to avoid that have the potential to

hinder our success.
Weve talked about the importance of having a conversation outline as well as
a customizable conversation starter you can implement today with the girls
you are meeting.
In the last article we explored how our voice, awkward tendencies, and early
attractive conversation affect our communication with women. In this post,
more concrete examples of effective and ineffective behavior will be discussed,
as we discover the final three fundamentals of conversation. Those are:
Screening
Rewarding effort
Connection building
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However, before diving further into the nuances of conversation, lets explore
the why behind the what and the how of communication in regards to
attraction so we can better understand what makes our behavior effective or
ineffective.
Introduction to the Social Value Matrix

We will dive further into the social
value matrix as we explore the
inner workings of attraction and
communication, however, for now,
just understand that in order for
the feelings of attraction to even
have the possibility to exist in a
person, that person must perceive
you as having (at the very least an
equal position and preferably) a
higher position in the social value
matrix, relative to their own selfperceived position.
To state this simply (and slightly
superficially), only when people
view others as better than, or as
good as they view themselves, can
attraction naturally occur.
Stated slightly differently, youre not going to naturally become attracted to
someone you view as beneath you. However, adding other external elements
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(beer goggles, limited opportunity, etc.) can cause you to rationalize that
something about them makes you attracted enough.
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This isnt to create a discussion on some people being better than others, and as
future posts expand upon our knowledge of the social value matrix, we will soon
learn it is quite the opposite: everyone is equal.
However, when it comes to attraction, our minds are quite irrational, operating
primarily on an emotional level and when it comes to emotions, there are
people who can naturally make us feel more intense pleasure than what we would
normally experience without their influence in our life.
In simper terms, this means that we value, or are naturally attracted to, those
people who are better at causing us to experience these powerful feelings (of
attraction)!
The great thing about this is that every human beings brain is influenced by
these intense and powerful feelings in the form of electro-chemical neural
synapses to get all scientific-y about the whole thing, although my phrasing is
not meant to be taken literally ;-)
In turn, these brain synapses, or feelings, we experience, are what motivates our
behavior and in turn, our behavior is perceived by the people we encounter in
our external world.
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This is why the fundamentals of communication are effective:

They dont accidentally trigger undesirable auto-pilot responses (read:
bad electro-chemical neural synapses), and
They attempt to trigger desirable auto-pilot responses (read: good
electro-chemical neural synapses).
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Another way to phrase auto-pilot response is to say natural instinct, or

perhaps to phrase it even better:a habit (of behavior).
6.
So now we can look at attraction as attempting to trigger a womans desired

habits while not triggering undesired habits.
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At
And thats where the fundamentals of communication come in. We have learned
some concrete examples of what behavior to do, as well as what not to do, in
order to not trigger a womans undesired habits. But real quick, lets focus on
the why behind it all.
Anytime you communicate to someone that they are out of your league, you
are validating their position in the social value matrix as above you. You have
learned some specific examples of what this looks like (rushing your speech,
giving her your full attention before she earns it, not speaking loud enough,
etc.).
When a woman interprets your communication (read: perceives you) as
behaving ineffectively this way, the bad electro-chemical neural synapses fire in
her brain, triggering her natural instinct to assume that, because you treat her
this way, her position in the social value matrix must be higher in relation to your
position, cementing yourself as an unsuitable target for her affection and
attraction.
This validation releases any (sexual) tension she may feel around you, hindering
the escalation of that interaction. This is the scientific-y way of saying,
welcome to the friend zone if she even sticks around!
So the next question is, what fundamental beliefs will influence our behavior so
we can learn how to effectively communicate our attraction the right way, at the
right time?
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Lets explore 3 important concepts that will assist us in understanding how our
communication is perceived by others.
When it comes to attraction:
1. You Dont Have to Impress Anyone
2. You Have Nothing to Prove to Anyone
3. You Never Have to Explain Yourself to Anyone
Anytime you attempt to impress someone, or explain or prove yourself to
someone, you are communicating that you value that persons acceptance and
approval above your own; thereby placing them above you in the social value
matrix.
This isnt to say that you shouldnt look up to anyone, or admire people for
qualities you value (for example, perhaps you respect and admire your parents
for their work ethic). However, the need for external validation (read: to be
approved, or accepted), is arguably the #1 thing that hinders mens success with
women.
Become aware of, and then handle, your desire for external validation, especially
in the form of a womans acceptance of you. In other words, care less about
getting a woman to like you, and more about screening to see if she lives up to your
standards!
To make the debilitating effects of the need for social acceptance clearer, think
about a person you know, perhaps at work or at school, who always agrees with
the crowd, and doesnt speak up for himself. Can you see how this behavior of
seeking social acceptance actually paints him as weak and insecure; too afraid
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to stand up for anything? Are those the traits of a leader, or a follower?

Applying this idea to meeting women, perhaps you may even know a guy who,
when a woman disagrees with him, changes his opinion to match her own. Are
you starting to see how unattractive this behavior (that all stems from ones
desire to be accepted) is?!
Understand that you dont
have to act stuck-up, and at
the same time, you dont have
to supplicate either.
Stated simply, eradicate any
behavior that communicates
that anyone is better than
you!
This is why buying drinks for
girls can be an ineffective (read:
unattractive; attempting to
supplicate) behavior,
depending on your relationship
with her (i.e., is she a stranger
who just asked you to buy her
a drink, or is she a girlfriend of
yours who got your first round etc.? There is where Chases informative post on
this very dynamic comes into play).
So lets return to learning some more effective, as well as ineffective, concrete
examples of behavior that will assist us in internalizing these mindsets.
By the way, understand that a woman is doing the exact same thing when she
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likes a guy: shes attempting to make just as good an impression on him as he has
on her!
In other words, she wants to attract him by communicating to him how
desirable she is, while not communicating ineffective qualities such as being
needy, clingy, or desperate.
Walking that path effectively is how one progresses an interaction from meet
to mate.
The Fundamentals of Basic Conversation

(continued)
Just to recap, a woman uses her intuition to make a snap judgment of you
based upon her perception of you and your behavior, so replace any ineffective
communication that could trigger her undesirable auto-pilot responses with
attractive behavior by internalizing the fundamentals of physical and logistical
escalation. This applies to conversation as well, including your voice, any
awkward tendencies, early attractive conversation, screening and rewarding
effort, and connection building.
Lets now focus on the fourth component of the five fundamentals of basic
conversation:
Screening & Rewarding Effort

You can view some amazing articles by Chase on the importance of getting a
woman to invest in an interaction here:
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Compliance Stacking
Tactics Tuesdays: Move Girls
The Real Reason Many Men Can't Get a Girl
It's Not Your Investment in Her; It's Hers in You
... and in future posts we will explore even more in-depth the significance of this
component of attraction.
For now, as a general rule of thumb, look at an interaction as a series of back
and forth communications:
When you do something, she does something. When you say something, she
says something.
So if you want her to do something, you must do or say something... and then
allow her the chance to respond!
The main point to takeaway here is that an interaction is not a one-way street
the channels of communication must flow both ways.
You can not be the only one putting in effort to escalate an interaction. Allow
the interaction a chance to flourish by giving a woman the opportunity to
match your effort.
In other words, dont be afraid to request, or screen for, her effort to engage you in
the interaction!
So far, we have learned to not show her too much attraction by not giving her
our full attention, (physically by having her earn our touch, and logistically by
not giving her our full body language).
Now we are learning when it is necessary to show her more interest: after she
gives effort to invest in the interaction. In other words, when we request her to do,
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or say something and she complies.

Communicating your attraction towards a woman at the wrong time before
she feels she has earned it, through her effort in engaging you in the interaction
is a mistake many men make (perhaps unknowingly). Instead, learn to think of
your attraction for her as a reward of sorts.
A woman wants a man she likes to desire her, and yet imagine how much more
she would appreciate his affections towards her if he were to be slightly
reserved, almost indifferent around her.
Now imagine how the excitement of anticipation could build up in her mind as
she wonders, does he even like me?
Then, as this internal energy builds up and creates tension inside her, he
releases it by offering her an opportunity to bond with him. He asks her a
question, and she excitedly answers (read: complies), and now she is filled with
warm, cozy feelings of acceptance as he acknowledges her response by lightly
squeezing her shoulder and turning towards her.
Because he turns towards her at just the right moment, she feels she has earned
his attention (read: your full body language), and this fills her with desire, as she
is eager to know more about this attractive man causing her to experience these
intense and pleasurable feelings, while he acts like its no big deal.
As you can see here, it is important for her to earn your affection and
attention through her actions, not through her looks.
For example:
Dont do this:
You: What were you and your girls up to today?
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Instead, do this:
You: What were you guys up to today?
Although later you will learn how and when to make exceptions, for now, do not
continually compliment her (communicate strong interest towards her) by
acknowledging her looks, or even her femininity, early in the interaction.
In other words, dont call her chica, or tell her how hot she is, or how good she
looks in her dress. Instead, after screening her, as a reward for the effort she
has given to bond with you, comment on how you dig her sense of style, or how
she has a sexy and confident energy about her, and how shes unlike other girls.
An example of rewarding a womans compliance after screening her:
You: Hold on, dont tell me you live too far away
Her: No, I live super close!
(playfully as you gently squeeze her shoulder)
You: Cool, cuz I was totally about to break up with you.
By the way, although we will explore it more in depth later, notice how you can
combine hot actions with cold words and, vice versa, cold actions with hot
words.
hot actions: (playfully as you gently squeeze her shoulder)
cold words: Cool, cuz I was totally about to break up with you.
Practice showing interest in a woman through one of the senses (say, visually,
physically, logistically, or verbally), while showing disinterest through a
different sense or even through the same sense if you want (pushing while
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also pulling)!
So we understand that we are not trying to impress her, which could be
perceived as ineffective behavior, and trigger her undesired habits. However,
when she tries to impress us, then it becomes necessary to screen her, and then
reward her efforts to bond with us, by then effectively communicating our
interest in order to trigger her desired habits.
So what are some other ways to not come off as attempting to explain, or prove
ourselves, in order not trigger a womans undesired auto-pilot responses?
As a rule of thumb, early in the interaction, dont repeat yourself!
If she says, What? simply pause for a moment, as many times this is simply an
auto-pilot response to prompt you to give more effort to bond with her.
In other words, when a woman does this, she is challenging you, or baiting you,
into trying too hard to bond with her. As soon as you fail to pass her test, she
will rationalize that you werent a suitable target for her emotions anyway.
Although bar time can seem like forever, stick in there, and have her repeat
herself if she really cant hear you. Then you have a choice to make: you can
either change the subject to something else entirely, or at least rephrase what
you said to her if you truly believe she couldnt hear you
On a side note, take a woman asking you to repeat yourself as a barometer of
the loudness of your voice.
Make it a game by seeing if you can get less and less women asking you to
repeat yourself whenever you go out. Remember, if they value (read: are
attracted to) you, they will hang on your every word just make sure you have
your fundamentals internalized, and are speaking loudly and clearly to begin
with!
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Finally, one last note about answering questions too early in a conversation: if a
woman makes a request for your effort, or asks a question, use her momentum
of giving effort to get her to invest even more effort in the conversation. Kind of
like a judo move, using her momentum to invest in the interaction to your
advantage by getting her to give even more effort to bond with you!
For example:
Dont do this:
Her: Where are you from?
You: California.
Instead, do this:
Her: Where are you from?
You: Originally or currently?
Her: Originally
We will expand upon this in future posts, but understand that if you did this
effectively at the right time throughout your conversation, not only would your
interactions last longer, but it also allows her more time to become attracted
and comfortable with you.
Connection Building
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While we want to reward a womans desired behavior of bonding with us, at the
same time, we dont want to try too hard to get her to bond with us, because
then our behaviors can easily fall into the trying too hard to impress or prove
ourselves category of ineffective communication.
In other words, we dont want to seem like we are trying too hard to build a
connection with a woman because that will only cement her belief that we
must perceive her as out of our league, which in turn triggers her undesired
habits that will hinder the escalation of the interaction.
For example, when it comes to building a connection, if you run into a woman
who (acts likes she) doesnt recognize you, dont attempt to get her to
remember you. Instead, just treat her like she was some new girl you just met.
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Allow her to make the connection that you both know each other, if she even
does at all.
On those same lines, dont be the first to shake hands wait until she offers her
hand, otherwise, just skip it. Also, when having an interaction, dont always be
the one who has to re-initiate conversation allow them a chance to give
unprompted effort.
Of course, dont brag, as this behavior is at the height of attempting to impress
people, or prove yourself.
On the other extreme, someone who only talks about their insecurities can be
just as repelling as a braggart when it comes to having a good time. Humility, as
well as self-acceptance, go a long way here, and we can communicate these
qualities in different ways, such as not getting jealous or possessive around
girls.
Also, as we experienced earlier, we can make sure that we dont take things
personally by viewing anything that happens as no big deal. This includes
being open-minded about risqu things she may say or do while in an
interaction with you.
At the same time, for now, take care to stay away from gross subject matter and
to navigate away from negative, depressing topics. If you can relate to her on
those subjects, then do so, but continue to move the conversation forward by
acknowledging her feelings and exploring more pleasing subjects.
For example, you could say something like:
Everything happens for a reason. I could be wrong, but what I seem to

get from you so far is that youre a strong woman who can handle
whatever comes your way. Thats a really sexy quality in a woman and
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whatever comes your way. Thats a really sexy quality in a woman and
Im proud of you. I wish more girls were like that.
Then acknowledge her response and navigate to a different topic!

This is similar to how to handle apologizing. Understand that there is a
difference between apologizing, or explaining your behavior, and your feelings,
to a girl.
Basic rule of thumb, never apologize for how you feel, but if you want, you can
explain why you feel that way.
On the other hand, if you think you have offended a woman through your
behavior, you can apologize if you think you went too far, but at the same time,
you dont need to explain yourself if you dont want to (Chase has a great article
on how to handle situations like this here).
Finally, when making a deeper connection, always prompt a woman to talk
about her family, her passions, and/or her childhood. These are subjects that
she doesnt just share with anyone, and it will help create a bit of a time
distortion, causing her to assign positive feelings to the moments she
experiences with you (similar to why we logistically move her)!
This marks your successful completion of the fundamentals portion of this series.
Congratulations! This is what weve covered so far:
Connection Building
Logistical Escalation
Physical Escalation
Emotional Escalation
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The 5 Fundamentals of Conversation are:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Voice
Awkward Tendencies
Early Attractive Conversation
Screening & Rewarding Effort
Connection Building
The 3 Confidence-Building Fundamental Beliefs are:

1. You Dont Have to Impress Anyone
2. You Have Nothing to Prove to Anyone
3. You Never Have to Explain Yourself to Anyone
Remember that most, if not all of these fundamental guidelines can be bent, or
even broken. But for now, realize that practice makes progress. Focus on
internalizing these effective behaviors until they become second nature in
other words, instinct and these new habits will help you achieve the results
you desire!
Until next time,
Keep Kickin Ass Brother,
Mateo Navarrete
READ NEXT: What to Say to Her Next: Interaction Outline Pt. 4.
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Comments
MAN,I LOVE THIS ARTICLE.
Posted by Downdestik on Tuesday, 17 February 2015
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Man,I love this article.
reply
FANTASTIC STUFF MATEO!
Posted by Franz on Tuesday, 17 February 2015
I've been reading articles on GirlsChase for over a year now, I have found
that Chase's selection of writers is simply stunning. I've never found
myself bored of the new articles coming out from different writers, I like
how more men can contribute to the seducing industry (industryhahaha).
Mateo- your articles are so bloody great, keep up the in depth, detailed
explanation of seduction.
-Franz
reply
MORE GOOD TIPS FROM MATEO
Posted by Robertinnyc on Friday, 20 February 2015
Hey Mateo - I have really enjoyed your serious of articles, the tips are all
very practical.
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I was wondering if you can explain a little bit on how to seque into the
three things discussed in this article (screening, etc.) from the earlier
attractive conversation you mentioned in your last article (e.g
.approaching the girl in the grocery store and commenting on the Cheese
Doritos and how she reminds you of a girl friend). How do you transition
from there into screening , rewarding effort and connection building? And
how long do you usually stay in that initial early attractive conversation
stage before transitioning?
Some sample dialogue would be really helpful!
Thanks again for this great series!
Rob
reply
MATEO, HOW WOULD YOU SUGGEST
Posted by Anonymous on Monday, 23 February 2015
Mateo,
how would you suggest i can do to build on the fundamental beliefs you
mentioned when i dont feel that way about myself ?
reply
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Sunday, 31 July 2016

Fundamentals of Basic Conversation II:

Previously, we covered common mistakes to avoid that have the potential to

Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API

Introduction to the Social Value Matrix

Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API

Art of the Deep Dive

How to Act When Rejected

Attraction's Expiration Date

How to Ask a Girl Out

How to Attract Women

Can't Get a Girl? Here's Why

Can't Stop Thinking of Her

How to Be a Dominant Man

Don't Chase Women

How to Be a Good Lover

Eye Contact Flirting

How to Be a Sexy Man

Facial Hair Styles

How to Be an Alpha Male

Get to Know a Girl

How to Conquer Depression

Getting Past Small Talk

How to Exit the Friend Zone

Girl Has a Boyfriend? To Do:

How to Flirt with a Girl

Hooking Up with Friends

How to Get Girls

How Girls Show Interest

How to Get Laid Every Time

How to Get Phone Numbers

Making a Girl Jealous

How to Get a Girl Back

How to Get a Girl in Bed

Second Date Strategies

How to Kiss a Girl

Sleeping with Girls: 12 Tips

How to Make Her Be in Love

Sprezzatura & Effortlessness

How to Make Her Want You

Teasing a Girl Right

How to Master Anything

Text Message Flirting

How to Pick Up Girls

How to Prevent Cheating

The Law of Least Effort

How to Talk to Girls

Ways to Talk to Women

How to Tell if a Girl's Horny

What Women Want

How to Text Girls: 20 Tips

What to Say to Girls

How to Text a Girl

What to Text Girls

How to Use Indirect Game

When She Doesn't Text Back

How to Use Sexual Frames

When She Doesn't Text Back

How to Use Sexual Frames

Why Girls Like Bad Boys

How to Use Social Proof

How to be Resilient (and Bounce