Contents

Losing the mentally ill within the S.C. Dept. of Corrections p. 6

May 27, 2010 VOLUME 5 Issue 23
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

News.Politics.Commentary. colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Photojournalism baseball fever 3 Design
Letters to the reader Dear Ronnie James Dio 4 Lindsey Downen
editorial Paul Blake: Letting the chips fall 5
Cover state of insanity 6 Music
don’t panic What is the next step with iran? 9 Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs
Conservation Hotlist pending enviromental legislation 11
editorial those randy libertarians 12 Pg. 10 Publisher
Paul Blake
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Arts.Entertainment.Etc. Account Executives

John Gibson, James Wallace
soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 10 Contributors
wakey! wakey! at New brookland 10 S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien,
Review macgruber 13 WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
movie times at the Nic and big mo drive-in 13 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
savage love adult sex advice 14
jonesin crosswords quote of the issue: 15 Columbia City Paper
Derf and Red Meat “Sorry but we couldn’t part with the dragon saddle.” 15 2965 North Main Street
Sudoku Pg. 12 Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (dial area code)

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies
are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
GAMECOCK BASEBALL FEVER
The South Carolina Gamecocks entered last weekend’s final regular season
America’s past-time in the Soda City
series against the University of Florida tied for first place in the SEC with the
Gators, setting up a showdown between the two conference foes. Carolina
Stadium was swarmed with college baseball fans on a beautiful Thursday night
with temperatures hovering near 80 degrees by game-time. The Gamecocks
would lose Thursday and Friday, but put up 11 runs on Saturday to snag the last
game of the series. USC finished the regular season with a record of 43-13, a
mark that only four other teams in the program’s history have topped. USC is
currently involved in the SEC tournament and will start NCAA Regional play
on June 6. Above: Carolina fans Bryan Harmon and Kevin Lucas play bags
while tailgating before Thursday’s series opener against the Florida Gators.
Right: Freshmen pitcher Ethan Carter watches from inside the Carolina dugout.
Far right: Six year-old MacKenzie Hrica from Chapin runs across the parking
lot prior to Thursday’s game. Below left: South Carolina ace Blake Cooper
picked up his first loss of the season bringing his record to 10-1 on the season.
Below middle: South Carolina Head Coach Ray Tanner looks over his line-up
card during the sixth inning Thursday evening. Bottom right: Josh Schneider and
B.J. Harris watch batting practice from the right field wall. -Sean Rayford
 Letters to the Reader
Dear panhandler on the golf course,
Man, if you go through the trouble to
sneak onto the course and run down my
cart, at least have a dynamic sales pitch.
Don’t open with wanting a cigarette. You
should lead with some dramatic story
about what caused you to wander out of
the woods near the cart path. I’m assum-
ing that fish you’re holding came from
the water hazard on hole 7, but you might
want to explain that, too.
Columbia City Paper
Dear National Republican
Congressional Committee,
Want to take cheap shots at John
Spratt, eh? Kick a man with Parkinson’s
while he’s down? But, Spratt wasn’t
shaken, for lack of a better term. No!
He stood straight and true and shook his
gnarled fist in defiance. For shame, GOP!
The party that hung its hat on a dodder-
ing Ronald Reagan has the brass balls to
question a congressman’s mental acuity.
Have you people already forgotten Ol’
Strom? He was like an animated corpse
toward the end. To say nothing of Dan
Quayle, even in his best years! The let-
ter “W” ring any bells? Does Spratt read
notes written on his palm? “No siree, you
betcha!”
The Dems may be many things, but so
4 May 27,, 2010
far you folks have cornered the market on
stunted brain function.
Columbia City Paper
Dear Ronnie James Dio,
Oh, great warrior prophet, we mourn
your crossing to Valhalla and bury you
with this leather cape, studded codpiece,
and broadsword, so they may serve you in
your exploits in the underworld. ...Sorry,
we couldn’t part with the dragon saddle.
Columbia City Paper
Dear General Assembly,
You people are an open book.
Granted, our state and country both need
to do something to stem the tide of ille-
gal immigration. But, hassling Hispanic
people during traffic stops is just a drop
in the bucket on a practical level and
damned offensive when you consider the
potential for racial profiling. That’s why
once debate over the Arizona immigra-
tion bill reached a fever pitch, it was
inevitable you guys would throw South
Carolina in the mix and announce a simi-
lar bill. We’re surprised it took this long.
Couldn’t let another legislative body soak
up all that national revulsion alone; that’s
our state’s gig!
Columbia City Paper
 By Paul Blake
Since I founded Columbia City Paper
five years ago with just a stick and some
clay, I’ve made my fair share of powerful
enemies in this state. (Lindsey Graham’s
boyfriend comes to mind…) But, I don’t
want to make this post about me, Paul
Blake, or how I started Columbia’s only
locally-owned alternative newsweekly on
a rainy August day in 2005 in a struggling
market, during a time that is tough for old-
fashioned journalism. There’s no shortage
of opinions about me, columbiacitypaper.
Will Folks, Paul Blake
com, or the impact it’s having on South
Carolina politics. I like to think that the
stories I write, the debates I drive, and
the opinions I help shape all speak to the
AT LAST, YOU CAN
Viagra-solid potency of the brand I’ve
created.
TAKE ACTION
Over the past several weeks, political
operatives have been working to destroy
this newspaper and my credibility. I suspect
this network of operatives is made up of
DMV employees, the liberal/communist
IN HIV-ASSOCIATED media and possibly former WACH Fox
57 news anchor, Mike Woolfolk. Yet,
DIARRHEA Columbia City Paper continues to strive
for truth and justice. I can’t speak for the
accuracy of FITSNews (honestly, we didn’t
know that rag was still online), nor can I
“My biggest fear is that one of those anonymous
sources who always seem to be speaking to
FITSNews and other political blogger types
will come forward before I have a chance”
Sidelined by diarrhea? At least 18 years of age? confirm his reported affair with Republican
gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley. But, I
HIV-positive? do think it is time I aired my own personal
indiscretions that make it so difficult for me
If so, you may be eligible to participate in our clinical study. to cover this story impartially.
We are testing an investigational medicine that may help control My biggest fear is that one of those
conveniently anonymous sources who
HIV-associated diarrhea and get you back in the game. For more
always seem to be speaking to FITSNews
information, call 803-540-1082 or visit www.adventstudy.com and other political blogger types will come
forward before I have a chance to share my
own youthful indiscretions. For you see,
D
AR
ADDRESSING DIARRHEA TO VENTURE F O R
W
I, too, have had an inappropriate physical
27 May 09, version 2.0
Salix Pharmaceuticals, Inc.
Napo Pharmaceuticals, Inc.
relationship with Will Folks. That’s it. I
won’t provide any more information or
details about it. While I may request facts
from public figures, I will not sit here and
provide them to you.
Although I am indeed better than
you, I am not perfect. Sure, I am a miracle
worker running Columbia City Paper in a
conservative market, but I too can have a
fall from grace.
I do owe my current girlfriend, Sugar
from Platinum Plus, an apology for failing to
disclose certain things that took place prior
to our lap dance Saturday. I know that’s not
the technical definition of infidelity, but it is
a form of unfaithfulness that has broken the
trust between us – a trust which must now
be rebuilt.
Aside from Will Folk’s wife, I feel
no need to apologize or explain myself to
anyone. We all make mistakes. I once
bought the Best Buy extended warranty on
an electronic that was already covered by
the manufacturers warranty. I am human.
And I will survive this.
When I look in the mirror every
day, I am able to say, “Damn, I am such
a good-looking publisher that even the
straightest right winger might think twice
about reserving the right of marriage to
remain between a man and a woman.” My
heart may be broken but my will is strong.
(Ah, I said “will” didn’t I?) My thoughts
inevitably drift back to my William… my
Willie. God, I can’t quit you! Such are the
ideals and passions that I promote in City
Paper; the freedom to be with someone like
Will Folks, if he is ever willing to open his
arms to me again and hold me in his pale,
hairy embrace.
Whatever happens, I am not here to
capitalize on it and promote my website.
I repeat, I am not here to capitalize and
shamelessly self-promote myself, my
newspaper or crappy blog as a result of
one musky night of passion between two
vulnerable men. The paper comes out this
Thursday, so be sure to try to follow the
other details I won’t be sharing as they
come to light. Take care, cheers and God
Bless America.
talkback@columbiacitypaaper.com
May 27,, 2010 5
 By Evelyn Morales
People with mental illness can be
found almost anywhere. Unfortunately,
as long-term treatment and adequate com-
munity mental health resources wane due
to continued budget cuts, many of them
are slipping through the cracks and end-
ing up behind bars.
Protection and Advocacy for People
with Disabilities, Inc., (P&A) a non-profit
organization in Columbia, determined that
about 10 percent of the inmate population
in South Carolina suffers from vary-
ing forms of mental illness. However,
treatment is often inconsistent –if it is
given at all—and guards, who are not
always trained to detect symptoms, often
misunderstand or mishandle mentally ill
inmates. To say nothing of the physical
and psychological abuse they sometimes
suffer at the hands of fellow inmates.
Currently, the formulary of medi-
cines at the South Carolina Department
of Corrections often does not include the
prescribed drugs that inmates with men-
tal illness need to treat their condition.
To add insult to injury, even if inmates
could afford to pay for their medica-
tion from an outside pharmacy (with the
inmate’s physician’s approval) access is
commonly denied by the SCDC. A fact
sheet available on the P&A web site,
gives the following example of a mentally
ill inmate lacking medication within the
Department of Corrections:
6 May 27, 2010
“A paranoid schizophrenic who
drinks his own urine. He suffers from
hallucinations and delusions and believes
that while he’s sleeping doctors come into
his cell and perform surgery on him. For
most of the past 14 years, he has been
isolated in a small cell 23-24 hours a day.
He is scheduled to receive injections of
antipsychotic medication every three to
four weeks, but these are often late, on
one occasion by nine weeks.”
On June 20, 2005, P&A filed a class
action lawsuit against the SCDC and
the State of South Carolina on behalf of
inmates with mental illness. So far, there
have been three amendments to the suit,
the most recent being in 2007, which
expanded the suit to include, as a defen-
dant, SCDC Director, Jon Ozmint. Due to
the sensitivity of the lawsuit, representa-
tives of P&A were advised by attorney,
Dan Westbrook, of Nelson Mullins Law
Firm, not to comment on the case until it
goes to trial.
The suit alleges that the defendants
are in violation of the state constitution
by not providing for the “maintenance,
health, welfare...” of the inmates and by
allegedly violating an Article stipulating
that “...cruel, not corporal, nor unusual
punishment be inflicted.”
The lawsuit’s description of condi-
tions and treatment of inmates with men-
tal illness at state correctional institutions
stirs images of medieval asylums where
patients were often tortured under the
guise of treatment. Presently, the suit
claims, this treatment consists largely of
lock up units where mentally ill patients
are placed. The Plaintiffs give the follow-
ing examples:
-“ Inmates in lock up units who
exhibit suicidal or self destructive behav-
ior are not always given immediate clini-
cal attention, as required by SCDC policy,
but instead may be beaten, gassed, and
placed in restraint chairs for extended
periods of time.”
- “At times the stench of urine and
feces is pervasive (in lock-up units).”
-“Some inmates have reported to a
lock up cell to find it covered with the
blood, urine or feces of its previous
inhabitant.”
James L. Head, Jr., Senior Vice
President of the South Carolina Hospital
Association, says he is concerned that too
many people are in jail or prison because
they need treatment for a real medical
problem and there was no place else for
them to go.
“I suspect our jails and prisons are
full of people who could be leading pro-
ductive, happy lives if they could just
get the treatment they need,” Head says.
“People do recover from mental illness,
but they don’t recover in jail. Yet our soci-
ety seems willing to build new jails and
prisons instead of putting more resources
into mental health treatment.”
According to Tony Gordon, Director
of Recovery Ministries at Oliver Gospel
Mission, 30 percent of the homeless peo-
ple that they serve have a mental illness.
The question of how people with
mental illness end up in jail can be a
complicated one. Sometimes, they are
homeless and arrested for trespassing.
Some become victims of their own psy-
chotic episodes, not realizing what they
are doing, while others may not be able to
find work and turn to stealing. Without
adequate care for inmates with mental
health issues, they are eventually released
back into society, but likely in worse con-
dition than when they went in.
Shelly Silva, mother of an SCDC
inmate with a mental illness, knows this
all too well… and so do I. Mrs. Silva is
my mother and her son, who I will refer
to as Anthony, is my brother.
Anthony entered the corrections sys-
tem a long time ago – as a juvenile. Even
at that time, he was physically abused as
an inmate and won a lawsuit against the
South Carolina Department of Juvenile
Justice when he was just 16 years old.
This year Anthony will be 30 and he is
currently incarcerated. He has been in
and out of the state’s correctional system
several times.
When he was 17, my mother learned
that Anthony was diagnosed with dual
diagnoses of schizo-affective disorder
with borderline features and substance
abuse. Breaking and entering to steal and
support his marijuana use at age 18 was
his introduction to SCDC. Since entering
the SCDC, she says Anthony’s mental
health issues have not been appropri-
ately considered or addressed, treatment
has been inconsistent, and didn’t get his
medication.
Anthony is one of the few mental
health patients included in the law suit
against SCDC. My mother believes that
the way he was treated within the sys-
tem ultimately lead to additional charges
against him, making it hard for him to
ever be released and receive the treatment
he and so many others need outside the
SCDC.
“My concern about Anthony is that
there is no interest and no adequate edu-
cational or safety measures provided
for mental health inmates,” she says.
“Because of this, they are more subject
to physical and sexual abuse by other
inmates and correctional officers due to
blatant disregard and ignorance of mental
health issues.”
But, she said, doesn’t condone the
criminal activities that put Anthony
behind bars; she just believes that proper
treatment from the outset could go along
way to prevent his recidivism.
“I am Anthony’s mother and I will
always love and support him but do not
condone or justify any negative behaviors
as a result of his mental health illness,”
she says. “I just advocate for the impor-
tance of mental health treatment for all
inmates in SCDC with mental health
issues.”
When Anthony was previously
released in 2007 from an SCDC institu-
tion, no one in our family was alerted. He
was released in a psychotic state, put on a
two-hour bus ride with the general public
and arrived in his hometown completely
disoriented and distraught. Shortly after,
he assaulted someone with a knife and
“Some inmates have reported to a lock up cell to find it covered
with the blood, urine or feces of its previous inhabitant.”
ended up in Alvin S. Glenn Detention
Center for over a year awaiting his sen-
tencing for which he is currently serving
time. At the sentencing he had a black eye.
The S.C. Dept. of Mental Health:
Shrinking and Underfunded
The SCDC isn’t the only govern-
ment department that is culpable for the
well being of the mentally ill. The South
Carolina Department of Mental Health
provides treatment and services for the
mentally ill, as well, though the depart-
ment concedes that they currently aren’t
provided the complete resources they
need to meet demand.
“At a time when there is more knowl-
edge than ever before on effective treat-
ments for mental illnesses... the avail-
able resources for public mental health
services are in sharp decline,” says Mark
Binkley, General Counsel for the SCDMH.
“While the Department of Mental Health
is still providing timely and effective
treatment services to thousands of South
Carolinians, staff is reminded frequently
that the agency currently doesn’t have suf-
ficient resources to meet the ever-growing
need for such services.”
With mental health services sharply
in decline in our communities, it makes
sense that a portion of the mentally ill
population ends up in jails and pris-
ons. Prior to the mid-1980s, these people
would commonly be admitted to a dif-
ferent type of institution – a psychiatric
one, if needed. However, this is no longer
common practice.
The South Carolina Department of
Mental Health embraced the trend toward
community-based treatment for people
with mental illness in the mid 1980’s, and
has consistently closed in-patient facilities
in the state since that time. The num-
ber of people with mental illness being
treated in the community, as opposed to
in in-patient psychiatric facilities, has
also increased. Even though Mr. Binkley
stated that the department doesn’t have
sufficient resources, the SCDMH stands
behind community-based treatment.
“People who have a serious mental
illness do better clinically when treated in
the community rather than living in state
mental hospitals,” Binkley says. “They
get better faster and stay better longer
when they receive services in their com-
munity, if these programs meet their needs
and are well organized and easily avail-
able. The closeness of family, friends, and
community support aids in their recovery
process.”
According to the March 4 meeting
minutes of the South Carolina Mental
Health Commission, the SCDMH is plan-
ning an additional $14 million dollar
reduction in in-patient services to include
reduction of 101 beds among their facili-
ties. According to the minutes, staff,
too, will be reduced and wait times in
the emergency room for mental health
services will increase. The department is
also planning a $14.1 million reduction
in their community mental health centers,
as well, noting that since 2005, the com-
munity mental health centers have lost a
total of 450 positions and that reduction
of staff would mean “65,965 fewer clini-
cal services delivered in the community.”
According to P&A’s suit against the
SCDC, in 2003, the SCDMH conducted
a study of the mental health system in
place within the SCDC. Some of the dis-
coveries made include that the only psy-
chiatric facility within the SCDC for the
entire state, Gilliam Psychiatric Hospital
in Columbia, does not have program-
ming that meets the needs of mentally ill
inmates.
SCDC Health Services Director, John
Solomon, stated that the percentage of
inmates with mental illness is between 11
and 12 percent, or 2,760 inmates out of
the 23,000 inmates the SCDC has with-
in their institutions. SCDC Director of
Communications, Josh Gelinas, clarified
that the responses to the questions asked
by Columbia City Paper for purposes of
this article, “are responses specifically to
your questions, not any pending litiga-
tion.”
Gilliam Psychiatric Hospital has only
88 beds to serve these 2,760 inmates and
according to Solomon, “the equivalent
of four full-time employees” on their
psychiatric staff. When asked if he felt
that Gilliam is sufficient to treat inmates
with mental illness state-wide, Solomon
says, “Yes.” However, when asked what
he would like to see improved regard-
ing inmates with mental illness, he did
not address any desire to change current
procedures within the department; instead
he put the matter squarely on the commu-
nity’s shoulders.
“I’d like to see inmates get greater
access and involvement with commu-
nity services when they are released from
prison,” he said.
Another avenue (or at least a supple-
mental one) could be that the SCDC
and SCDMH improve and expand the
services they provide for the mentally ill.
Perhaps then, less people with mental ill-
ness would end up behind bars and if they
do, they would be provided the services
and medications needed to assist in their
recovery and rehabilitation.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
May 27, 2010 7
 What’s the next step in our
confrontation with Iran?
By Andisheh Nouraee
I enjoy writing columns, but am nev-
ertheless occasionally frustrated by the
inherent limitations of written words.
Every couple of months, I think an
audio recording of someone sighing in
frustration, a video of someone pound-
ing his head against a desk, or a photo of
someone with her face buried in her hands
would be just as fully explain a foreign
affairs conundrum as, say, actual words.
That’s how I feel this week about the
ongoing political confrontation between
Iran and the United States – same crap,
different month.
Sure, the details change, but we’ve
essentially been at this same point in a
frightening, confusing standoff since 2003.
That’s the year the International Atomic
Energy Agency castigated Iran for failing
Voted best In Property Management!
to disclose all of its nuclear activities and
materials, as Iran is required to do under
the terms of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation
Treaty.
“We’ve been in the midst of the same
confusing standoff for the last seven years”
Ever since then, we’ve been stuck
at the same point asking the same ques-
tions? Is Iran actually developing a nuclear
weapon? If yes, when will it be armed and
ready? Can the U.S. convince the European
Union, China, Russia and United Nations
to put the squeeze on Iran until it gives up
its nuclear fuel enrichment program? Will
the U.S. attack Iran to slow Iran’s nuclear
progress? Will Israel attack Iran to slow
Iran’s nuclear progress?
If you give me a second, I’d like to
pound my fists on the keyboard for a sec-
ond.
adfjkldfagsl;ewtio;pgzkl;zcxkl;atlq;et
;ilat!
That felt good. Now, where was I? Oh,
yeah. Same crap for seven years. With the
U.S. about to convince the U.N. Security
Council to impose a fourth set of sanctions
on Iran, Iran suddenly agreed to a deal,
brokered by Brazil and Turkey, to ship
most of its enriched uranium outside the
country, where it would be processed
into un-weaponizable fuel rods before
being returned to Iran. Is Iran blinking
under pressure, or stalling for time?
My semi-educated guess is the latter.
Those of you with excellent
memories may recall the U.S. pushed
for an almost identical deal last fall. At
the time, Iran refused. This time, it’s
the U.S. refusing. Without saying the
words, the Obama Administration’s
response has been that Iran is offering
too little, too late. The window for that
particular deal closed clearly closed a
few months ago.
Right now, what we’re seeing is a
slight shift in Obama’s carrot and stick
approach to Iran. At the same time Obama
has been making diplomatic overtures to
Iran, Obama was also uniting U.S. friends
and frenemies against Iran just in case
diplomacy didn’t work. Obama foreign
policy to Iran seems to be this: We’ll try
to be nicer to you than Bush was, but only
if you reciprocate. If you ignore our over-
tures, we’ll actually be meaner to you than
Bush was. We’re actually far more capable
of uniting the world against you than Bush
was, in part because the world just saw you
rebuff our overtures.
So look for another round of U.N.
sanctions against Iran in coming weeks.
Will sanctions convince Iran to give up its
nuclear fuel enrichment program? Don’t be
silly. Of course it won’t. Sanctions schman-
ctions. Iran has been living with economic
sanctions for three decades. They haven’t
worked yet, have they? Sure, they make
life difficult for regular Iranians, but clear-
ly nothing we have done has helped loosen
the Mullahs’ grip on Iran’s metaphorical
levers of power.
The world is addicted to fossil fuels.
Iran has lots of them. Developed nations
will never stop buying it. We can talk tough
all day long and try to disrupt their trade
and with sanctions, but we’re supporting
them by being addicted to oil. Sanctions
against Iran are as futile as a drug war.
Nevertheless, the sanctions are prob-
ably necessary if we’re going to reach
a diplomatic settlement. The carrot and
stick approach only works if the stick can
inflict damage. Iran jerked us around a bit,
so we have to sharpen the stick. That’s
just the way it is. After the new sanctions
take hold, we’ll probably then pursue yet
another diplomatic overture. And I’ll write
another column about the same crap.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
soundboard The Art Bar Memphis May Fire Sat 06/05/10
Thursday 05/27/10 The Blind Cobras, I Am Abomination
Obraskai, Full Color Ninjaloot The Art Bar
Cafe Strudel Footage, 5 Steps 9:30pm American Gun
Ancient Sunken Navies Mercy Mercy Me
Cafe Strudel Balkans New Brookland Tavern
New Brookland Tavern DNR Predator Anberlin
Dr. DP Terrible Things
The Chiltons Hard Knox Grill Tuesday 6/01.10 Versus The Robot
Dem F.M. Boys Casual Kings with
TBA One Way Out New Brookland Tavern Sun 06/06/10
Acoustic Open Mic New Brookland Tavern
Utopia New Brookland Tavern Night w/ Brightford Live entertainment
Open Mic w The Dubber Rian Adkinson *Gino Bananas*
The Dubber Wed 06/02/10 Freestyle Battle w/
Friday 05/28/10 TBA Planet marz Working
New Brookland Tavern music
Cafe Strudel Utopia Divided By Friday
Bryan Anderson The Funky Junk Band Sweet Vans Thu 06/10/10
Set To Explode
Hard Knox Grill White Mule Do Your Worst Township Auditorium
Rebel Son with Ryan Bonner And The Tony Bennett
The DB Bryant Band Dearly Beloved Thurs 06/03/10
Sam Quinn New Brookland Tavern The White Mule
New Brookland Tavern The Private Life Of Andrew Belle
Graves Of Valor Sun 5/30/10 David Reed
Diavolo The Fire Tonight Fri 6/11/10
Tunguska The Art Bar Deleveled
Chivalry Atlanta Pop Festival Tyler Boone New Brookland Tavern
Invoking The Abstract Tribute Show Toro Y Moi
Friday 06/04/10
Utopia New Brookland Tavern The White Mule
Frank Smoak, Jack Sligh VadimVon New Brookland Tavern Richard Shindell
& Jack McGregor Ominous The Patient
Mysteriarch Young Alumni Sat 6/12/10
The White Mule Valey Maker (Austin Wakey! Wakey! initially turned heads ebbs and flows –though it is less piano-
Chatham County Line Mon 5/31/10 Crane) Cafe Strudel with their masterfully crafted War Sweater centered than its predecessor. “Almost
TBA Rosanna Mae EP. Featuring dark, discordant songs like Everything” is a radio hit that hasn’t yet
Sat 05/29/10 New Brookland Tavern the album’s namesake, alongside larger, happened, situated among more haunting
5pm Jamie's Elsewhere more epic tunes, the band’s talent and range tunes like “1876-The Brooklyn Theater
dropped a none too subtle hint about bigger Fire.”
things to come. Frontman Mike Grubbs says his influ-
That thing has arrived in their brand ences range from Billy Joel to Led Zeppelin
new and hugely impressive Almost to Bach. I’ve heard him perform on both
Everything I Wish I’d Said The Last Time piano and guitar. Whichever instrument he
I Saw You LP. Though this album is their chooses to play for any given song, he’ll
first full-length studio recording (produced unload on it. There will be something here
largely themselves), the production and for rock slobs and more cultured types alike.
arrangements may as well have come from Opening will be The Spring Standards and
seasoned studio vets. Full Color Footage.
And like their other releases, this one -Norbet Sykes

10 May 27, 2010

 With less than two weeks left in the
session, our elected officials in the General
Assembly are at risk of leaving South
Carolina “high and dry” on water leg-
islation and a host of vital conservation
issues. We are still waiting on the Senate
Finance Committee to schedule a subcom-
mittee hearing on a bill (H.4269)that would
extend the life of the Conservation Bank
to 2023. Several Senators have held up a
bill (H.3603) that would require DHEC to
notify the public after a major spill in our
waters. And a bill (H.3924) that provides
greater protections for landowners who
conduct prescribed fires has also stalled on
the Senate calendar.
Read on for updates on other key bills.
In the Senate
Conservation Bank (H.4269, Rep.
Bill Herbkersman/ S.903, Sen. Glenn
McConnell) 2010 PRIORITY
Last year, the Conservation Bank
received the largest reduction of funding of
any state agency because it is subject to a
“death clause” that zeroes its budget when
there are across-the-board cuts to state
agencies. If the Bank were treated on par
with other agencies, deed stamp revenues
could generate as much as $9 million next
year so that even if the Bank’s funding
was cut in half, funding would exceed
$4.5 million. In April, the House Ways and
Means Committee deleted the language that
would have eliminated the “death clause”
but retained the extension of the Sunset
Provision to 2023. (The Bank is currently
set to expire in 2013.) The last week of
April, the House voted in favor of H.4269
in a 93-8 vote. Referred to the! Senate
Finance Committee, H.4269 has yet to be
scheduled for a Subcommittee hearing.
Emergency Notification (H.3603,
Rep. Mike Pitts) SUPPORT
This bill, which passed the House in
2009, requires DHEC to create a standard
procedure for public notification in the
event of a major spill in public waters. The
Senate Medical Affairs Committee gave
this bill a favorable report last week, and
H.3603 now resides on the Senate calendar
with several Senator’s names attached in
objection. We urge Senators to support this
important legislation.
Prescribed Fire (H.3924, Rep. Jim
Harrison) SUPPORT
H.3924 provides greater protections
for landowners who choose to conduct
prescribed burns on their property, and
promotes the most efficient and cost effec-
tive forest management tool within South
Carolina. This bill has passed the House
and now has an objection attached, so it
remains stalled on the Senate calendar.
E-Waste Recycling (H.4093, Rep.
Dwight Loftis) SUPPORT
This bill requires manufacturers who
sell most TVs, computers and printers in
South Carolina to establish recovery pro-
grams at no cost to the consumer. H.4093 is
supported by industry and the conservation
community, and will help improve water
quality by keeping toxic heavy metals out
of our landfills and waterways. It passed the
House in March, passed the Senate in April
and was signed into law by the Governor
last week.
In the House
Water Withdrawal Permitting
(S.452, Sen. Paul Campbell) 2010
PRIORITY
After nearly four years of negotiations,
most conservation organizations, DHEC,
manufacturers, utilities, farmers and water
suppliers have finally agreed to support
a compromise water withdrawal permit-
ting bill. On March 11th the Senate voted
unanimously in favor of a permitting bill
that requires new users to maintain natural
seasonal flows in our rivers, protecting
wildlife, recreational uses and downstream
users. This is an important first step to fully
protecting our state’s rivers and negotiat-
ing with other states over shared water
resources. The House will continue its
debate on this bill this week. Email your
Representative and urge him or her to sup-
port this ma! jor 2010 priority.
Natural Resource Agency Funding-
2010 PRIORITY
The conservation community is
concerned about the human and natural
resource fallout from the severe budget cuts
already instituted at DNR, Forestry, PRT,
and Agriculture. The House and Senate
budgets both currently include operational
funding for the Bank in the amount of
$207,000 which will allow the Bank to
keep its doors open another fiscal year.
We’d like to thank the Senate for identify-
ing $1.5 million in March to meet some
of the Bank’s current obligations and we
urge the House and Senate to ensure that
this funding stays in the final budget. We
also encourage House and Senate members
to shore up DNR funding either through
appropriations or fees. DNR has already cut
198 positions. Of these, 88 are within the
Law Enforcement Division, leaving three
counties with only one resident officer and
one county with no officer. The Senate has
approved a small administrative fee on all
hunting and fishing licenses and! water-
craft titling and registrations to help main-
tain DNR law enforcement and other vital
agency services. We urge both chambers to
approve DNR funding and help save over
70-120 positions at the Department.
Those Randy Libertarians

By Baynard Woods Jack Bass and Marjorie Thompson’s book tyranny of the majority and get off of this
Rand Paul, son of Texas Representative “Strom” details his arguments. Strom said: idea that everything would be fine if there
Ron Paul, won the Kentucky primary last “Don’t forget that the so-called Civil Rights were no government.
week and then immediately found himself program would bring about the end of It is so weird. The whole thing goes
in trouble when he claimed that he was segregation in the South, forcing mixing of back to Thomas Hobbes and Jean-Jacques
opposed to the Civil Rights Act. That is, his the races in our hotels, in our restaurants, Rousseau. To vastly oversimplify things,
libertarianism extended so far that he did in our schools, in our swimming pools and Rousseau believed that human beings were
not believe that the Federal Government in our public places. This change in our “naturally” good, or Noble Savages, and that
had the right to prohibit businesses from customs is not desired by either the white or civilization and government corrupted us.
discriminating on the basis of race. He colored race.” Hobbes believed that without society human
did stress that he was not racist and that No modern politician will talk in those life was “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and
he hoped the market would punish such terms. But Thurmond went on in a vein that short.” (No, that is not a description of Joe
businesses. could easily be found on FOX News tonight: Wilson—he’s rich). Only government could
Jim DeMint endorsed Rand Paul before “To bring this about, the federal government save us. Rousseau has been traditionally
the election. Both men have claimed the would set up a super police force with power aligned with liberals and hippies and the
Kentucky primary as a “tea party” victory. to rove throughout the states and keep our like and Hobbes with conservatives and
Since Paul’s views on Civil Rights have people in constant fear of being sent to a law-and-order types. Now, these new Randy
become clear, DeMint has been asked if he federal jail unless we accept the decrees Libertarians are embracing Rousseau and
agreed with Paul. turned out by a bunch of anti-southern moving from Libertarianism to anarchism.
He said that he did not agree with bureaucrats in Washington.” The far left and the far right, together again.
Paul and that he supported the Civil Rights This could be DeMint. The Senator is They come together in the dream that we can
Act. Which means that Jim live free from constraint.
DeMint supports the Federal
Government’s intervention
“J D M
im e int endorsed and aul Of R P course, this is one of
the most appealing ideas in
in the affairs of private before the election .B oth men have history… until somebody
businesses. Which means, that
for all his claims to purity -he
K
claimed the entucky primary as a else harms you. In the
current right wing rhetoric,
is the only Senator to get a 100 “ tea party victory ” .” only the government,
percent ranking on his own terrorists and city slickers
“Senate Conservatives” website—he is not in a tough position. He doesn’t yet know hurt you. This latter locution is useful
consistent or pure. how the Tea Party is responding to Rand because “urban” acts as code for ‘black’ and
I believe that DeMint probably does Paul’s remarks. The movement’s most ‘elite’ at once.
agree with Paul—but as an ad man is ardent supporters are used to accepting In reality, the Massey coal mine and
too savvy to say so. Ever since Truman ridiculous nonsense from people named BP oil slick make it clear that the Federal
first introduced Civil Rights in the Forties, Rand. If DeMint comes out in support of Government ought to be a Hobbesian
the rhetoric that opposed it has always Civil Rights—he might be seen as a Big overawing power when it comes to behemoth
been based around an intrusive Federal Government man. If he comes out against corporate interests. To keep a business from
Government. it—he’ll come across as a radical racist. He’s discriminating against individuals does
When the Committee for Civil up for reelection this year and he can’t afford not take freedom from the individual—it
Rights report came out, in 1948, Strom to alienate either racists or antiracists. places the citizen before to the merchant, the
Thurmond became a leading segregationist. True conservatives need to support individual above the business.
the Federal Government as the greatest
12 May 27, 2010 guarantee of individual liberty against the talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
 movie times
Movie times listed are Carmike 14 Shrek Forever After Columbia, SC
for the weekend of May 122 Afton Court, 3D new! (PG)11:45am
28. please confirm Columbia, SC 29212 12:45 2:15 3:15 4:45 MOTHER
with theater or visit 5:45 7:15 8:15 9:45 A murder rocks a
columbiacitypaper. MacGruber new! (R) 10:45 12:15am South Korean town
com for the latest. 1:30 2:45 3:45 5:20 and suspicion quickly
6:55 8:00 9:25 Robin Hood (PG-13) falls on a reclusive,
Regal Columbia 11:00am 12:00 4:05 mentally challenged
Cinema 7 Just Wright (PG) 5:00 7:05 10:05 11:15 -- and alibi-free --
3400 Forest Drive 1:45 4:15 7:10 9:40 young man (Bin Won).
Suite 3000, Columbia, Iron Man 2 (PG-13) When an inept public
SC 29204 Letters to Juliet (PG) 12:30 2:00 4:30 7:40 defender botches the
1:40 4:20 7:00 9:30 8:10 10:30 boy’s case, his mother
Prince of Persia: The (Hye-ja Kim) sets out
Sands of Time new! Furry Vengeance (PG) Date Night (PG-13) to prove her son’s
(PG-13) 2:00 4:30 6:45 9:05 2:20 4:35 7:10 9:50 innocence. Acclaimed
1:00 1:40 4:00 4:40 12:10am director Joon-ho
7:00 7:40 9:40 10:20 The Losers (PG-13) Bong (Memories of
2:15 4:50 7:20 9:45 How to Train Your Murder) explores the
MacGruber new! (R) Dragon (PG) lengths a mother will
Written by Justin Oberholtzer work. They range from the borderline tame to 1:50 4:50 7:50 10:10 Oceans (G) 11:30am go to protect her child
For the past few years, Jason Friedberg and the flat-out raunchy, inducing gut-busting laughs 2:10 4:40 7:05 9:10 in this atmospheric
Aaron Seltzer have clogged the airwaves with upon the audience (the small crowd I was with Just Wright (PG) Regal Sandhill crime thriller.
mundane and ghastly spoofs of the (at-the-time) were doubled over in laughter, as was I). A good 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:00 Death at a Funeral Stadium 16 450 MAY 28-June 3,
current popular movies. They may have labeled portion of the jokes poke fun at all the cliches (R)1:20 2:20 3:50 Town Center Place, Friday-Thursday
them by genre, but that didn’t stop them from that accompanied those cheesy action flicks
Letters to Juliet (PG) 5:10 6:35 8:45 9:40 Columbia, SC 29229 Friday, May 28 - 3:00,
cramming every pop culture phenomenon in. of yore, while still keeping the MacGyver feel
They didn’t attempt or even care to make a good to it. Jorma Taccone does a stupendous job of
1:10 4:10 7:10 9:50 5:30 and 8:00
satire. They just wanted to make poop jokes and directing it all, making sure the jokes and the Diary of a Wimpy Kid Prince of Persia: The Saturday, May 29 -
mock the celebrities. It’s sad to say that, other actor’s hit the right notes at the right time. He Iron Man 2 (PG-13) (PG)1:50 4:10 6:40 Sands of Time new! 3:00, 5:30 and 8:00
than Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, these doesn’t rush any of it, letting it flow smoothly. 1:30 4:30 7:30 10:30 9:00 (PG-13) Sunday, May 30 -
movies were our only source of movie satire. Once again, take notes Friedberg and Seltzer. Alice in Wonderland 11:30am 1:40 2:10 3:00, 5:30 and 8:00
Until today! Thanks to Lorne Michaels, The finest attribute MacGruber has A Nightmare on Elm Disney Digital 3D 4:20 4:50 7:10 7:40 Monday, May 31 -
writers Will Forte (who also stars) & John bestowed upon it is the fine performance by Val Street (2010) (R) 1:15 2:30 3:55 5:15 10:00 10:30 12:15am 5:30 and 8:00
Solomon and director Jorma Taccone (one Kilmer as the villain, Dieter Von Cunth (for those 2:00 5:00 8:00 10:25 6:30 7:50 9:20 Tuesday, June 1 - 5:30
third of the insanely funny comedy band, The of you who didn’t get the joke earlier, I sincerely Sex and the City 2 and 8:00
Lonely Island), we finally get another good hope you got it now). Rather than hamming it up, Carmike Wynnsong Percy Jackson & new! (R) Wednesday, June 2 -
satire. Taccone and company take aim at both he plays it straight. He’s believable as an arms 10 the Olympians: The 12:40 1:10 1:55 3:50 3:00, 5:30 and 8:00
MacGyver and all of the cliched action flicks dealer hell-bent on eradicating America. You 5320 Forest Lightning Thief (PG) 4:20 5:05 7:00 7:30 Thursday, June 3 -
that came out in the eighties with MacGruber. could easily lift him out of this movie and place Drive, Columbia, 1:15 4:00 6:50 9:35 8:15 10:10 10:40 5:30 and 8:00
Friedberg and Seltzer, take notes. him in a run-of-the-mill action movie, and he’d SC 29206 11:25
Will Forte stars as MacGruber, an ex-special fit right in. Ryan Phillippe does the same thing Avatar in Digital 3D 937 Main Street
operative who has been presumed dead for the as Lt. Dixon Piper. He plays it straight, as if he Sex and the City 2 (PG-13) MacGruber new! (R)
past ten years. When Dieter Von Cunth (Val were playing a lieutenant in an actual war movie. new! (R) 1:25 5:00 8:30 12:30 2:50 8:00 THE BIG MO
Kilmer; and if you don’t get the joke, then maybe Just as you could with Kilmer, you could easily 12:00 12:45 3:10 3:55 MONETTA DRIVE-
Shrek Forever After is more up your alley) steals lift him out of this movie, place him in a war 6:20 7:05 9:30 10:15 Regal Columbiana Shrek Forever After IN
a nuclear warhead, Col. James Faith (Powers epic, and he’d feel right at home. In doing so,
Grande Stadium 14 new! (PG) 5822 Columbia
Boothe) tracks down MacGruber and asks him these two fine actors make the jokes and mishaps
for his help. MacGruber accepts, heading back to that surround them that much funnier.
Shrek Forever After 1250 Bower Pkwy, 12:10 1:00 1:30 2:30 Highway North,
America to assemble a team of soldiers (played The only gripes I had with the film went new! (PG) Columbia, SC 29212 3:30 4:00 5:00 6:20 Monetta SC 29105
by WWE wrestlers Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, hand-in-hand together. As most comedies do, 12:10 2:35 5:00 7:25 7:20 8:45 9:45 11:00 LESS THAN AN
The Great Khali, Kane, MVP and The Big Show) some of the jokes fall flat (the only comedy as 9:50 Prince of Persia: The Shrek Forever After HOUR AWAY Take
to take him out. After accidentally blowing his of late that came very close to, if not reaching, Sands of Time new! 3D new! (PG) I-20 to exit 33 (SC
teammates up, he begrudgingly works alongside perfection was The Hangover). Some don’t go Shrek Forever After ( P G - 1 3 ) 11 : 1 0 a m 11:40am 12:40 2:00 Route 39)
Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe), who he nowhere, while others just don’t work. This 3D new! (PG) 12:50 1:30 2:10 4:00 3:00 4:30 5:30 6:50 Take SC 39 to
originally refused to work with. Joining them wouldn’t be too much of a problem, but there Digital 3D Showtimes 4:40 5:20 6:40 7:20 7:50 9:15 10:15 11:30 Monetta, SC (approx.
is Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig), who originally was one running joke in particular that grew More Info 8:00 9:20 10:00 10:40 7 miles.)
declined MacGruber’s offer (she agreed to do stale very quickly. That running gag being the 12:00 12:30 1:15 1:45 12:00am Just Wright (PG) Turn right onto US 1.
so after hearing about his partner’s deaths). puns that MacGruber and gang put forth towards 2:25 2:55 3:45 4:15 12:00 2:40 5:15 7:55 The drive-in is
Together, they pull together their best tactics, Dieter Von Cunth’s name. I would have found 4:50 5:20 6:15 6:50 Sex and the City 2 10:25 approximately one
mainly MacGruber’s wacky and unethical ones, it funnier if they avoided making the puns, as 7:15 7:45 8:45 9:15 new! (R)No Passes mile down US 1 on the
to save America. if they didn’t notice how inappropriate his last 9:40 10:45am 12:10 12:40 Letters to Juliet (PG) right
What works so well in MacGruber is that name was. Just like an action movie would. 1:55 3:50 4:20 5:05 11:35am 2:05 4:35 CASH ONLY! Gates
you can tell writers Will Forte & John Solomon Aside from those two minor complaints, Robin Hood (PG-13) 7:00 7:30 8:15 10:10 7:05 9:50 open at 7pm and show
wrote an action picture first, then added the MacGruber hits all the right notes. The laughs are 12:20 1:30 3:20 5:30 10:50 11:25 starts at 8:45.
jokes and satire in. This makes the picture feel plenty and uproarious, the script is written as if it 6:50 8:45 9:55 Robin Hood (PG-13)
like an eighties action movie, leaving it ripe were an action picture first, then converted into
Kites new! (NR) 4:10 6:55 7:25 10:05 May 21, 22, and 23
for satire. This is where you should start taking a satire, the actors employ good performances
Date Night (PG-13) 6:50 9:40 10:35 Screen 1
notes, Friedberg & Seltzer. Instead of writing without ever acknowledging that they’re in a
the jokes first, then half-assing the plot, you spoof and the direction is crisp and confident. 7:10 9:30 Iron Man 2,
write the screenplay as if it were the genre Along with Edgar Wright, Jorma Taccone is Shrek Forever After Shrek Forever After
you’re spoofing, so all of the jokes and cliches bringing satire back. How to Train Your new! (PG) Nickelodeon
gel together, as opposed to feeling crumpled Dragon (PG) 11:15am 12:15 1:45 h t t p : / / w w w . Screen 2
together. You also have to poke fun at the genre http://www.moviefilmreview.com/author/ 1:25 4:10 2:45 4:15 5:15 7:45 nickelodeon.org/ 937 Robin Hood
as well, which you two never seem to do. YellowJacketY2J 10:15 Main Street Prince of Persia
Ninety-five percent of the time, the jokes May 27, 2010 13
 SavageLove Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
by Matt Jones
“Vocabulous”--a little of this, that and the other.
50 Attention-getting noise 26 Stealthy gift giver
51 Isn’t around now 27 Take back
One of my best comments if they’re not funny, laugh along with her Across 52 “Tomb Raider” heroine 28 Vowel inclusion with a
friends at college if they are. 53 Former wrestler Lex disclaimer
is gay. I’m a straight 1 “Nurse Jackie” star 55 Nirvana member Krist 29 Drug chain
female with my own As for your preference for your straight friends: 10 Low-skilled, low-paying 59 Remove 30 “...or is ___ speck?” (They
boyfriend. We’re going Right now there are a lot more openly straight kids in rut 60 Up on the latest gadgetry Might Be Giants line)
to be sophomores in the your life than there are openly gay kids. That means 15 “Chicken George” Moore, 61 Hall of music 31 They have their own X-ings
fall, and I feel like this you’re drawing your straight friends from a much in “Roots” 62 Computer quartet 33 NYC underground system
is about the age where larger pool, and you’re able to be more selective 16 Two-door vehicle 34 Non-vegetarian sandwich
coming out to one’s parents is in order. However, my about the straight people you hang out with. You 17 Title C.S. Lewis demon Down 35 Consenting vote
friend’s parents are conservative. His older brother can’t afford to be as selective when it comes to gay 18 Map in the corner 1 Buddy on TV 38 Sherman Hemsley sitcom
is also gay—and when he came out, his parents friends because (1) most gay kids your age aren’t out 19 “___ tu” (Mocedades hit of 2 Express disapproval of 41 Dogie catcher
cut off all funding for college and excommunicated and (2) gays and lesbians are a tiny percentage of the the 1970s) 3 “Against a thing,” to a 43 Put in stitches
him from the family, so my friend is understandably population and you won’t meet lots of us until you 20 Cable staple for old films lawyer 44 Gathered fodder
terrified. get to one of those places where gays and lesbians 22 Stops for 31-down 4 Nights before the big day 45 Zoe Saldana role
When his parents come to visit, I tag along clump up, i.e., large universities and big cities. Then 23 Pseudo ending? 5 Just a handful 46 “Popeye” cartoonist E.C.
on “dates” with him to “meet the parents.” It’s a you’ll be able to forge friendships with gays and 24 Rude interruption 6 Sculpture, e.g. 47 Have a cow?
free meal, but it feels a little dirty to lie to his mom lesbians whom you have something in common with 28 Mozzarella sticks, e.g. 7 Perrins’ partner 48 Toilet
and dad about how “in love” we are. Moreover, besides your sexuality. 29 Houston newspaper 8 Lozenge brand 49 Annual parade sponsor
my friend is coming to my house in California this In the meantime, LAD, don’t write off all 32 Carnaval dance 9 “Again!” 52 Security breach
summer. I had said I would love for him to come gays and lesbians everywhere as potential friends 36 “Girl with a Pearl Earring” 10 Big initials in telecom, 54 Sermon subj.
visit—as a friend. But his parents think he’s going to just because the few you had to choose from as a subject once 56 Machine with a rewind
be staying with his girlfriend, and they’re thinking teenager weren’t among your best friends. 37 In an unspoken manner 11 Limitation button
of tagging along so they can finally meet their future 39 They’re enclosed for 12 Mot ___ (fitting phrase) 57 “Now I’ve got it!”
in-laws, i.e., MY PARENTS. I feel like this is getting I need your help. I have entered into a period of returns: abbr. 13 Plays before the main act 58 Dir. opposite NNE
way out of hand. How far should we take this act? my life where I am devoting all my mental resources 40 Ditch 14 Heavenly girl?
toward my academics—grad school—and am not 42 Will partner 21 Cow’s mouthful ©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords
I Should Win An Oscar interested in dating. Thus, I bought a Real Doll so 44 Part of a weapon that does 24 “Out of Africa” author Isak (editor@jonesincrosswords.
that I may enjoy fantastic masturbation during this the damage 25 “18 Till ___” (Bryan com)
When you feel bad about lying, ISWAO, remind loveless period. Unfortunately, while my parents 47 Business cert. for overseers Adams song)
yourself that you’re doing a good deed—you’re were visiting, my mom discovered it and she reacted
doing God’s work—every time you pass yourself very, very badly.
off as this boy’s girlfriend. Yes, you’re lying to his You see, my dear mother is a feminist.
mean-spirited, emotionally abusive parents, two She is very upset by the doll and believes that
complete shits who deserve so much worse than it is an indication that I have lost all respect for
simply being misled. And he only lies to them women. I do not feel this is true. I view myself as a
because—for the time being—he must. feminist, and I realize this society sexually objectifies
You should ask him to do three things to secure women. But I also believe that I can masturbate with
your continued cooperation in this deception. First, a rubber woman and have wild fantasies and then
he has to make a solemn promise that he will come come back to reality and respect everyone—men,
out to his parents the day after he graduates. Second, women, others. My mother, however, is extremely
he has to reach out to his excommunicated brother upset, and we haven’t been able to have a civil
and, if his brother can be trusted to keep his secret, conversation since. I am hoping you can possibly
he has to come out to his brother. Third, he has to give me some perspective.
break up with you at the end of the school year. Dolled Up
The course of true love never did run smooth,
as someone or other once said, so a painfully My perspective: Your masturbatory routines—
messy June breakup with his college girlfriend— including your masturbatory aids/aides—are none of
right before summer break!—not only makes your your mother’s fucking business. And if your mother
friend’s Potemkin heterosexuality that much more wants to be shocked by something, DU, it ought to
credible, it also gets you off the hook for this ill- be that her son-the-grad- student had $5K to plunk
advised summer visit. Then when September rolls down on a sex toy.
around, ISWAO, you two crazy kids get back Your options at this stage are pretty limited. You
together. Repeat as necessary, i.e., be “on again” can apologize to your mother and tell her what she
when his parents are in town, be “off again” when wants to hear (“You’re right, Mom, I’m making an
your parents are in town, over summer breaks, appointment with a therapist and donating my Real
holidays, etc. Doll to sex-starved grad students in Africa...”). Or
And help him look around for his next you can tell your mother to fuck off and butt out
girlfriend—perhaps a lesbian student with similarly (“It’s my dick, Mom, and I’ll stick it in whatever
batshit parents—because he can’t expect you to be I want. You remember that ‘my body, my choice’
his beard for your entire college career. stuff, right?”).
That said, DU, your claim that you bought a
I am a gay male teenager. I have not yet come Real Doll so you could “enjoy fantastic masturbation
out to my parents (I plan to soon), but my friends during this loveless period” doesn’t quite pass the
know. I’m curious why I relate more easily to my smell-of-day-old-spunk-moldering-in-the-lifeless-
straight friends and am increasingly uncomfortable orifice-of-a-silicone-dummy test. Most guys manage
with my gay friends. Specifically, I have a lesbian to tough out their loveless periods with the help of
friend who often makes jokes about “how gay the porn industry and their own right hands. And
I am.” In your opinion, are statements like that most guys who opt for insanely expensive, life-size,
offensive (even considering the source)? Or am I hard-to-hide sex dolls do have issues with women—
still uncomfortable with myself? Your opinion on most are plagued by feelings of inadequacy, not
this matter would mean a lot to me. superiority—so you may want to entertain the
Lost And Disillusioned possibility that your mother might be right.
But even if you do have issues with women—
It’s good to have a sense of humor about still an if—they’re still none of your mother’s
yourself, LAD, whether you’re gay or straight or fucking business.
bi or whatever. Shrug off your lesbian friend’s mail@savagelove.net

14 May 27, 2010

May 27, 2010 15
 thursday 27 friday 28 saturday 29 sunday 30 monday 31 tues. June 1 Wednesday 2
over 21 only 7pm $8 8pm $5 8pm $5/7 8pm $8 5pm No Cover 8pm $5/7 6:30 pm
Acoustic Open
maY/June

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Predator

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Freestyle Battle w/ Wakey! Wakey! Mic Night w/: All Get Out
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Pints
thursday 10 friday 11 saturday 12 sunday 13 monday 14 tuesday 15 thursday 17
$9/12 7:30 pm $10 8pm $7/10 8pm $12 6pm No Cover 9pm No Cover 8pm $8 8pm

Calculator Goatwhore Acoustic Open NBT's 80's Night w/:

deCadenCe Graves Of Valor useless Mic Night w/: Red White & Crue
Toro Y Moi
June

O'Brother Host To Another Diavolo (Motley Crue Tribute Band)

Junior Earpwr Fight In Vegas Revocation tRivia BRightfoRd Poison'd

Strong Intention Hardy & Dewayne Sign up in advance or at (Poison Tribute Band)
Astronomers The Choir Quit Sylis AFTER SHOW
Alcoholicaust $100 Worth Of Prizes the club that evening.
Wylie Blacksmith Under 21 Must sign up DANCE PARTY
midnight before 10pm. $0.80 PBR From
muRdeRama 8pm - 8:59pm

B Moi
80’s mewithoutYou
nBt’s

Anberlin Tor
oY
NIGHT
featuring...
Graves Of Valor Red, White & CRue
EARPWR Diavolo (Motley Crue tribute band) haWthoRne
Revocation
Strong Intention Poison’d heights
THE CHOIR QUIT The Audition David Bazan
Alcoholicaust (Poison tribute band) The Story Changes Rubik
sat. June 5 fri. June 11 sun. June 13 thurs. June 17 mon. June 21 thurs. June 24
$15/18 7pmm $10 8pmm $12 6pm $8 8pm $11 6pm $16/18 7pm

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413