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Beth Anderson
Mrs. Morris
AP English III
7 September 2015
The Declaration of Tick-Not
When, after much patient suffering, it becomes necessary for the inhabitants of the
universe to terminate their enslavement to the powers of time, and as consequence leave the
authority of grandfather time, a decent respect to the laws of nature requires that they should
declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all societies are created equal, that they are
endowed by Mother Nature with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness.That to secure these rights time has been instituted to organize, ease,
and aide in the lives of the inhabitants of the universe, that when any system such as this
becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the beings to alter or abolish it, and institute a
new system, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such a form
as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will
dictate that systems long established, should not be changed for light and transient causes; and
accordingly all experience hath shewn that beings are more disposed to suffer, while evils are
sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the authority to which they are accustomed.
But when many chimings of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces
a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw of

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such authority and provide new time keepers for their future days. Such has been the sufferance
of the human race, and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former
system of timekeeping. The history of grandfather time is a history of exhausting restrictions and
limitations, all having the direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over Mankind.
To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
1. He dictates even our most basic activities, such as sleeping, and maliciously conspires
with obnoxious buzzers and bells to do so.
2. He mocks our intelligence by consulting groundhogs instead of man regarding important
seasonal decisions.
3. He taunts us with the promise of long anticipated holidays (specifically Christmas, the
most wonderful time of the year) only for them to be brief and fleeting in actuality.
4. He orders us from place to place with no regard to our desires or needs, training us as
dogs to react to his whims.
5. He forms a stereotype for the requirements of wisdom, deciding only those who have
seen much of him can be learned.
6. He limits our days and regulates the events of our lives.
7. He spitefully drags out the most unbearable situations and cuts short the most enjoyable
events.
8. He drives the population to frantic misery when in desperate need of completing a task.
9. He strangles our endeavors and shames us by our failure to respond within the boundaries
he sets.
10. He deteriorates our bodies, grays our hair, and infects with illness those he grows tired of.
In every stage of these oppressions we have appealed to the compassion of Grandfather time and
respectfully requested changes. These requests being flagrantly ignored; it is clear that
Grandfather time, whose character is marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to
wield the weapon of time over a free people.
We, therefore, inhabitants of the Earth, appealing to Mother Nature for the rectitude of
our intentions, do publish and declare that the human race be free from the unjust dictatorship
Grandfather time hath formerly enslaved us in. And for the support of this declaration with a firm

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reliance on the protection of poor stewards of time everywhere, we pledge our lives, our
fortunes, and our sacred honor, regardless of time.

The Declaration of Tick-Not aims to declare humanitys independence from the unfair
dictatorship of time by means of an enthymeme which springs from the major premise that
limitations and restrictions counteract our freedom, and is followed by the minor premises that
freedom is captive to time, and therefore time should be abolished. It was necessary to use an
enthymeme instead of a syllogism because a case against the measurement of time is an abstract,
unrealistic idea that cannot be logically and factually supported. This protest of time relates to a
world or procrastinators and a generation of people in need of instant satisfaction, so the
audience is all those affected by the restrictions of time and also Mother Nature/ Grandfather
time.

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