------Random English-----

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. Human beings are the only cr
eatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specif
ic.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I like marriage. The idea.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teacher
s
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they d
o not like him.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety
-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. s
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can
get.
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure abou
t the universe.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a
red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

----Computers----
Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a CD's to reach
a high shelf.
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend.
Always be wary of the Software Engineer who carries a screwdriver.
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether subm
arines can swim.

-----love----
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my
wife treats me like toxic waste.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thin
g you do? Turn out the lights!
(Love) A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charit
y.
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does
a woman want?"
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. S
o each is inevitably disappointed. -- Albert Einstein
Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and th
en marry him.
Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
It is impossible to love and be wise.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To b
e happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at al
l.
A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all. discretion= Ability or power to
decide responsibly.
------sex------
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pre
tty good questions.
Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and
your problems are gone.
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
Sex is a two-way treat.
Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.
Sex is the best high. It's better than any drug. I want to die making love becau
se it feels so good.
Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good han
d.
A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.
sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; the
y should draw the line at goats though.
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married ma
n and his secretary.
I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

--------random filipino-------
Better late than pregnant.
Pag may tyaga.. goodluck.
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan.
Aanhin pa ang damo.. kung bato na ang uso!
Pag di ukol, di bubukol...siya ay baog!
Kung may isinuksok, may mabubuntis!
Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, 'wag lang
sa lasing na bagong gising.
When all else fails, follow instructions.
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
To err is human, to errs is humans.
Ang taong nagigipit...sa bumbay kumakapit
Pag may usok...may nag-iihaw
Dont judge the book by its cover... if u are not a judge or else you will cover
the book!
Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin... may utang.
No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
Birds of the same feather that prays together... stays together.
Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may
stiff neck.
Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
Better late than later....
Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay
kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
No man is an island because time is gold.
Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.
Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa!
When it rains...it floods.
Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon .. mauubusan din ng kandila.
Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw minsan nasa... vulcanizing shop.
Pag may isinuksok, may ipuputok.
Pag may isinuksok, isuksok mo pa, harder!
Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan... sapul.
Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
Ako ang nagsaing... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
If you can't beat them, shoot them.
An apple a day.. is too expensive.
An apple a day, makes seven apples a week.
An apple a day cannot be an orange a week

Quotes found almost everywhere in the internet