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Issue 944 - Weekly Thursday October 15 1998

Demonstrators Gather To
Reclaim (e)XFM
Kosovo Crisis:
On Saturday 10th October,
Leicester Square was the
They think it’s all over...
venue for the first rally
against the new Capital
Radio owned XFM.
Gathering just outside
Capital Radio’s building
the 300 strong crowd, the
majority under 25, chanted
slogans, sang newly writ-
ten protest songs, and
waved banners in response
to the radical changes that
have recently been imple-
mented at the station once
calling itself “London’s Only Alternative”. At the end of the demonstration newly signed
Bilateral meeting between US Special Envoy, Mr. Richard Holbrooke (left) and NATO Secretary
indie band The Llama Farmers delivered a petition with protest organisers to Capital. The General, Dr. Javier Solana (right), at NATO HQ Brussels, concerning the situation in Kosovo.
large police presence did not interfere, except to request less swearing in the chants (result- Photo courtesy of Nato photos
ing in Bob Geldof being described as a “banker” a “tanker” and an “anchor”).
The World press is currently reporting on
The demonstration by Tom Sherwen
came about as part the agreement to end the Kosovo crisis
of a possibly long worked out between US Ambassador negotiating table. This risked the build up
running campaign Designate to the United Nations, Richard of a reputation similar to that of the UN who
to return XFM back Holbrooke and Yugoslav President have repeatedly issued empty threats to
to the audience it Slobodan Milosevic. Holbrooke, having Milosevic. Nato must now be persuaded, by
was intended for. spent endless hours negotiating with Milosevic, not to act otherwise the military
Having finally been Milosevic over the Dayton Peace Accord, will go ahead with a strategic bombing cam-
granted a license used to resolve the Bosnian crisis, has seem- paign of Serbian communications, air
last year XFM ingly come up with the goods once again. defenses, and military stores. For Milosevic
broadcast to to convince the negotiators to reverse the
London and sur- It is however too early to rule out the use of Act Order he must guarantee four steps:
rounding areas with military action by Nato. President withdraw his special forces from Kosovo,
it’s unique style of Milosevic has once again given his word allow 2000 Nato implementation inspectors
the DJs choosing although this time Nato have decided that into the area, allow the countless number of
all the records they this does not represent a guarantee. Nato refugees, currently in hiding, back to their
played and, even more crucially, playing new unsigned bands and those on small indepen- and Holbrooke have negotiated with the homes and guarantee the development of
dent labels. Although consistently building on Yugoslav President enough to know that Kosovan autonomy.
by Andrew Thomas listening figures month by month XFM was in words are often empty and promises broken.
financial trouble and eventually was sold to Capital Radio a few months ago. Although It was therefore decided by the Nato coun- If these conditions are not adhered to then
Capital promised that nothing would change, soon after the take-over most of the DJs were tries to go ahead with the next stage in a mil- the attack will go ahead. The Nato decision
replaced and a playlist was installed, effectively banning DJ choice in what was played and itary build up. Nato had already informed is without the backing of the UN and in par-
closing the doors on bands without large record deals. its military that it should be prepared to act ticular is strongly opposed by Russia.
and on Monday night it moved on to stage
The public figure leading two; that of ordering the military to go Russia has a strong historical link with the
the “new” XFM is Bob ahead with the attack. This order was Serbs and does not believe that Nato should
Geldof, who by his own accepted with the proviso that all action was attack. Kosovo is an internal province of an
admission is out of touch on hold for 96 hours. Negotiations are independent country and the crisis is there-
and a hopeless DJ. This therefore continuing throughout the week in fore regarded by opponents to the military
demonstration is expected to an attempt to convince Nato member coun- solution an internal matter. Nato felt that
be the first of many. tries that Milosevic is sincere about his any request to the UN, the proper channel
intentions. with which to formulate this type of policy,
On Tuesday October 13th would be immediately blocked by Russia.
the Radio Authority fined The order to go ahead with an attack repre- Nato instead believed that the crisis gave
Capital £4,000 for breach of sents the first time that Milosevic has been sufficient basis to, and merited making a
their license agreement. given a definite time frame within which to decision independently of the UN.
This action is considered to negotiate. The change has taken away the
be not nearly enough by decision by Nato of whether to use military Milosevic must now honour his commitments
most campaigners. force or persist in plugging away at the by Friday if air strikes are to be averted.

News 1/2 n Letters 2 n Union 3 n Features n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .

Advice 8 n Notices & Personals & Crossword 9 n Reviews 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12
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2 News
Editorial
I have just heard on
the news that 25
English football hooli-
gans (I refuse to call
them fans) have been
arrested and deported
for drunken behaviour
in Belgium, my home
country. I cannot help
but relate this to the
recent criticism of
football behaviour on
the pitch as well as
off.
Tom Sherwen- Editor
As agreed in issue 943 by both Jon-Paul Samuels, USFC
Vice-Chairman and Paul Cliff our very own Sports editor,
football seems to have a real problem at the moment. A lack
of discipline on the pitch can only set the worst kind of exam-
ple for the many loyal and even fanatical supporters of the
financially dominated English teams. What I do not under-
stand is why the supporters remain so loyal or vocal.
The Premier League has long since turned into a rich mans
club and the players salaries are generous in the extreme.
Now even though I admit that I am not the greatest fan of
football it would seem to be quite natural for a player earning
£20,000 a week to play their favourite sport that they might,
just might want to demonstrate to the outside world that they
are worth it. In the Premiership the fantastic ability of the
home born players (the few that remain) sometimes astounds
me. What therefore makes them become completely incom-
petent at International level?
The behaviour of the manager is no less disturbing. The
betrayal of confidence of his players through the publication
of his world cup diary shows a complete lack of respect for
his job. Ruling out certain players no matter what their form
is just plain stubbornness and picking a group of individual
geniuses to manage a draw against a team of forty year old
defenders was a remarkable feat. If by the time you read this
England have beaten Luxembourg by a few goals as expected
then don’t kid yourself, drastic change is still needed at all
levels of the game. If England drew or lost then I don’t think
even Eileen will keep faith in Hoddle.
This editorial returns after a short absence. It would be nice
to tell you that it was due to an overflow of articles and con-
tributions. Sadly I can’t. Thank you to all those who have
helped me to reach virtually the mid point of the semester
without major mishaps. This week I would like to thank Nick
Walsh, Daniel Jones, John Dear, James Buller, Ellen Van
Keulen, Pravin Jeyaraj, Steven Alexander, Paul Cliff and the
Sports Mafia and Andrew Thomas and his entire music team.
Arts Editor Daniel Jones
(ps71@surrey.ac.uk)
Thursday 15th October1998 n
Letters
Dear Editor
Like many others, I was shocked to hear that Alison
Limerick and Bandwere were cancelling their gig at the
Union this Friday simply because the drummer had been
hurt in a car crash. Surely Alison would be able to come
along, sacrifice integrity, do a Personal Appearance, and
mime a few songs to a backing tape without the need of her
drummer for the same entrance fee?
After all, it worked for Ultra Nate.
L.
Dear Editor,
In reply to Julia P's letter last week regarding "the terrible
twosome" - I would like to point out that discrimination of
any kind is a disciplinary offense in the Union building. At
each bar you will see a blue notice outlining exactly what I
mean. If anyone feels they have been treated unfairly in the
Union, then they should report this to the nearest security
steward. If you would prefer to deal with a member of staff,
you may speak to the House Officer on duty. You can also
choose to speak to a sabbatical officer, myself or the gener-
al manager. All problems of this nature are dealt with
promptly and discreetly. To the "terrible twosome" I would
say this - what is the funnier, somebody's sexuality, or being
banned from the union for the rest of the year?
Alan D. Roy
FNO Alternative
Last Friday Night Out (Week 5) saw the first appearance
this year of No Wave in the Helyn Rose Bar. It was free to
get in with a ticket for the FNO and offered an alternative to
the upstairs music all night. The No Wave Alternative
Music Society decided to make the night a showcase (as
best possible) of the things to come for the year, and the
response was brilliant.
Earlier in the same week No Wave had a pre-AGM meeting
to discuss positions for people in the society. With plans for
expanding and offering a lot more nights by No Wave in the
Union and Guildford, the society needed a lot of interested
people who wanted to help out. The response was impres-
sive and No Wave is now ready for the Annual General
Meeting this Thursday 15th (Week 6) at 7.30pm in the
Grant Mitchell room.
At this meeting the committee for No Wave will be voted in
and the budget proposals can begin. No Wave plans to sup-
port student bands and DJ’s in the University to play on and
off campus and also hopes to extend its promotions and
gigs. Anyone who is interested in any alternative music not
played in the Union should come along to the AGM and
find out more about what No Wave is doing to improve
music in Surrey.
Samad Masood
“Virus” Correction
Last weeks front page virus warning was in fact a hoax. As
editor I take complete responsibility for falling for this and
apologise to all those who worried unnecessarily. The hoax
virus warning is in itself a virus and I am grateful to all
those who put me straight and especially Lyndon Hill for
clarifying the situation in the following fashion.
This type of hoax is also called an "email virus". This is
because one person sends the panic message (requesting it
to be sent to as many people as possible). Anyone receving
it sends it to as many people as they know who send it to as
many people etc etc. This way the "virus" is spread. This
eats up space on the communication cables that carry mes-
sages across the Internet and slows everything down.
(The message is the virus).
You can normally identify this type of virus by:
a. requests to send to as many people as possible
b. excessive use of punctuation and capital letters
c. use of big name companies who aren't actually in the
business of sending out virus warnings
News in Brief
£2800,000 For Rushdie’s Head
The Iranian Government has recently relinquished it’s pursuit
of Salman Rushdie’s murder. However a religious foundation
has just reiterated its commitment to the fatwa against the
writer of The Satanic Verses. It has backed up the pledge by
adding another 300,000 to its existing £2.5 million bounty
“This increase is aimed at encouraging the carrying out of the
fatwa,” said chief of the Khordad-15 Foundation, Ayatollah
Hassan Sanei.
The British author has been guarded night and day by Special
Branch since 1989, when Muslim leaders declared his work
blasphemous and demanded his death. Iran has officially
stopped sanctioning attempts on Rushdie’s life. However 150
out of 270 Iranian MP’s have signed a petition supporting the
death threat.
An extreme Muslim student group has also put up a £333,000
reward for the writers head. Frances D’Souzza, head of
Article 19 the human right group leading the fight against the
fatwa said that no religious organisation could operate with-
out state permission.
The foreign office issued a statement, saying that the
Foundations announcement made no difference to Anglo-
Iranian diplomatic relations. Salman Rushdie will discuss the
matter in a meeting Foreign Secretary Robin Cook shortly.
Public ‘misled over BSE’
Sir Kenneth Calman, once Chief Medical Officer has told an
inquiry into BSE that the truth about the disease was con-
cealed for 5 years.
The ex government official said that it was not until 1995 that
he discovered abattoirs were not taking adequate precautions
to prevent BSE getting into human’s food.
He explained how he argued with press officers over the
wording of public announcements, wanting the public to be
told the full story.
The inquiry was set up by the Labour government. after 27
people had been diagnosed as having CJD the human form of
BSE. To date in an effort to eradicate the threat over a million
cows have been culled.
In a separate interview Agriculture Minister Nick Brown
spoke of how the farming industry has been calling for gov-
ernment help. The industry has been hit hard by the Beef cri-
sis and high interest rates. He said “Farmers have made a very
persuasive case for further assistance. That is being examined
within the Government now.”
Chinese Sweet & Sour About British
Nosh
Chinese officials were given samples of British cuisine at a
reception in Shanghai this week. Tony Blair, visiting China
said “In the modern Britain we have a lot to offer in the way
of food,” Meanwhile hundreds of guests tucked into smoked
Scottish venison and duck as well as lentil and parsnip pie
Star young chef Nick Nairn cooked up the “flavour of
Britain” after being specially flown out for the event.
Apparently the Chinese loved the food, but mayor of
Shanghai Xur Kuangdi said he would have preferred more
traditional grub. “As a poor, visiting scholar to Britain in the
1980s, I fell in love with the fish and chips of Northern
Ireland. he said.
£500,000 Million Pounds Cocaine Haul
A stash of cocaine has been found on board a ship at
Sheerness. Customs and Excise said that the drug would have
been worth more than £500,000 if sold to addicts. The drugs
were found in the engine room of the boat which had come
from Columbia, via Turkey.
Labour MEP slates Blair
New Labour and Tony Blair have come under fire from a
Labour MEP. Member of the European Parliament for North
East London, Alf Lomas has criticised the procedures for
selecting candidates for the next European elections. He say
they deny constituency parties a say. He claims candidates,
approved by New Labour are chosen despite the views of
local party members. He also said Tony Blair had turned away
from socialist concerns about pensioners and the unem-
ployed.
Unfortunately for Mr Lomas, his statement came as the
Government announced money to help 10 million pensioners
pay their fuel bills during the winter. About 1.5 million will
receive a one off £50 bonus to their social security cheque next
month. Next January 8.5 million people will get further benefits.
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Thursday 15th October1998
To a Friend
Last week the University
sadly lost one of its most
promising young talents
when 21yr old, chemistry
student, Ben Gellatly died
while on placement in
Switzerland. Ben will be
remembered by lots of
people for a lot of different
reasons and was the inspi-
rational bass player of last
years most popular student
band, Calling Orson. For
all those who feel they may
need advice and support the
following people may be
contacted:
The Chaplains ext 2754
The Counselling service through the
Health Centre ext. . 9051
The Student Union President and Student Affairs Officer
ext. 9227/9228
“To a Friend”
“How many special people change,
how many lives are living strange,
where were you when we were getting high?…”
Ben means many things to many people. The number of his
friends who have sent tributes this week, quite literally from
all over the world, says more than can be said in these few
words. Ben was truly a friend for all occasions and was as
sensitive and supportive as he was fun loving and amusing.
We will all miss Ben. Hopefully with time our pain will
fade whilst our fond memories grow warmer. Although
nothing will ever replace the part of our life that was
uniquely Ben, we are all richer for having shared with him
his short but precious life.
From all of us who have been touched by your love and
kindness…words can not express our loss. We love you and
miss you, but above all we will remember you.
“someday you will find me,
caught beneath the landslide,
in a champagne supernova in the sky.”
somewhere, there is an angel playing bass……
Pool Tournament Update
The second week of the Pool League was a big success with
30 players battling it out for league points. A fine result for
Michael O’Connor who won and commiserations to Dave
Rowe who was runner up. Watch this space for information
news and updates on the pool league and tournaments this
semester. Come along to the Union every Thursday
evening at 7.00pm.
CHARTER BALL QUESTIONNAIRE
The Charter Ball is an annual event, cele- Do you want a Charter Ball?
brating the University Charter - when
Surrey became a University rather than a Please tick:
technical college, in 1966. It also coincides
with the election of the new sabbatical offi- If no, please complete details at the bottom
cers and is a big celebration of the Union. of this questionnaire and do not answer the
The event is a traditional ball - everyone remaining questions
gets dressed up and parties until late, but we Other event (please specify)
need your help! The Charter Ball ‘99 com-
mittee are currently devising the greatest ......................................................................
Charter Ball ever. Please fill in this ques-
tionnaire to help us provide exactly what
YOU want. Please fill in the questionnaire ......................................................................
below, tear out the slip and hand it in to
Cathy at reception or put in the Bare Facts
box, out of hours. All completed question- Do you think the Ball should be in the
naires will be collected and two winners University hall or in the Union building?
drawn from a hat, both of whom will win
free Christmas Party tickets. Good Luck! Please tick:
Union + 3
Unplugged
The committee had been installed, the crowd were wet with
anticipation and the bands were eager to please, and boy
they did. This was of course the latest Unplugged venture
and, even if I do say so myself, it was bloody good. Coy
headlined the night and were preceded by Defunct, both
were cracking. A fella from Redwood showed up, asked if
he could play and opened the night with a couple of new
acoustic tracks. Anyone who wants to turn up and entertain
us with a couple of songs is more than welcome, all that we
ask is that if you want to perform be in the Helyn Rose bar
by 7pm on an event night.
The Joyce Gang is an Anglo/Irish roots band based in
England. In five short years they have established a fine
Mugenkyo - Taiko Drum
reputation throughout our fair Isles, through stirring live Performance.
performances, excellent recordings and regular local and
Mugenkyo is Europe’s first and only professional Taiko
national airplay, taking audiences by storm at festivals from
Drum group.
Sidmouth to Edinburgh and at venues from from Derry to
They have been described as “energetic and powerful” by
the Mean Fiddler in London. The songs and tunes in the
Rhythm Magazine, “highly visual...spectacular” by Time
extensive repertoire are all self-penned and draw on a dizzy-
Out.Taiko drumming has been used for over a thousand
ing variety of styles from traditional Irish to modern Jazz,
years to celebrate Japanese village festivals, sound the rice
covering most musical genres in between, all blended to
planting season, drum up a storm in a call for rain, beat off
create the distinctive and uplifting sound that is unique to
famine and plague and for ceremonies in temples and
the Joyce Gang. Helyn Rose Bar TUESDAY WEEK 7
shrines.Taiko has recently become an exciting form of
Doors Open at 8pm.
visual art and Mugenkyo is Europe’s first and only profes-
Nightline sional Taiko group.
FREE CONDOMS !!! They will be performing at:
PERSONAL ATTACK ALARMS £1 Wednesday 21st October Rhoda McGaw Theatre,
Woking (01483 761144)
Need the Pizza+ number? Friday 23rd October Dorking Grand Hall, Dorking,
Too much work? (01306 881717)
Personal problems?
Want a mini cab? Oh no it’s Batman Silly spot!
Just feel like a chat?
Emergency, emergency. It’s Police Commissioner
Gordon’s fluffy friend here, calling Batman. Where are you
Nightline is here to help
Batman? Damn, he must still be at the hospital after that
We are a after hours confidential help and listening ser-
incident he and Robin had at the last silly night, with a
vice run by student volunteers
chained rabbit and those three Bond Girls – Pussy Galore,
If we can’t solve your problem we’ll try to find someone
Onatop and Fatima Blush. Gotham City will be doomed
who can
without him, what are we to do? Our only hope is that many
Open: At least two early/midweek nights a week
brave students will go to Silly Night dressed as a Batman
8pm - late
character or even Batman himself. Not only will this allow
Call Int: 4949 Ext. 532710
them to get their Doubles and a Mixer for £1, but it may
or come to our discrete office:
even… SAVE THE WORLD!!!
What could this terrible danger be I hear you ask. Well, it’s
just too awful to put into print, but it does involve a pair of
rubber gloves, two purple bricks and a sharp pencil.
However, if you’re just not brave enough to dress up, but
still want cheap drinks, you can bring along a bat instead.
You could create one from the batmaking kit in your utility
belt, or possibly even kidnap one from your local cave.
However, don’t go raiding any cricket or baseball suppliers
as those types of bat don’t count, and I’ll have to give you
a good, hard personal bleating. Remember, Bats hate
Jokers, so keep your card playing to yourself you cheeky
riddling minx.
Love from Code name S.H.E.E.P and all her
fluffy lambs. Baaaaaaaaaaa.
What main entertainment act would you Do you want a casino and jazz band
prefer to see? during the evening?
Yes No
Please tick: Top-name DJ Band Please tick: Yes No
Any other suggestions
Do you want to be able to attend the
Charter Ball meal before the Ball? ......................................................................
Please tick: Yes No .....................................................................
......................................................................
If the Ball was in the Union complex, do
you think Chancellor’s should be open to Name: ...........................................
all students - even those not attending the
Ball - until 10:30pm, for meeting friends Department: ............................................
and general drinking?
Email/Phone:
Hall Union Please tick: Yes No ......................................................................
Thank you for your time.
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 4 (1,1)
4 Features
Conference Codswallop
Political comment By John Dear
Every year, mem-
bers of political
parties like to get
together and go to
various seaside
resorts beginning
with the letter
“B”. However,
they don’t get
much of a chance
to flick sand into
each other’s sand-
wiches. Instead, they all have to sit in big halls for as many as
four days and have a conference. Over the coming weeks, I
will be looking at each conference and examining what was
on offer.
The first party to have their conference this year was the
Liberal Democrats. It was here that members gave speeches
about the things that they love best: electoral reform, higher
taxes and Paddy Ashdown.
The conference began with fresh calls for Proportional
Representation, a clever way of changing the electoral sys-
tem in the Liberal Democrats’ favour. Members discussed
the fact that in a short while, the Jenkins Commission (set
up to find the best way of altering Britain’s electoral sys-
tem) will announce it’s findings. Several delegates told
Paddy Ashdown, the craggy faced leader of the party, not to
accept a “watered down” method of PR from this commis-
sion. Unfortunately for Paddy and his friends the commis-
sion is likely to recommend a system known as
“Alternative Vote Plus”, and this is felt to be an ineffective
voting system. This outcome would end Paddy Ashdown’s
leadership of the Liberal Democrats, as he has promised the
party many times that PR would come about in a pleasing
way under his influence.
The second day of the conference was mainly concerned with
the economy. Paddy Ashdown endorsed ten new ways of tax-
ing the British public so that government may raise more
money for more public spending. The methods included com-
pulsory secondary pensions, the abolition of mortgage tax
relief and a possible increase in V.A.T (which already stands
at an incredible 17.5%). For this and other unfeasible eco-
nomic plans, Mr Ashdown sat to applause.
The third day, Wednesday, saw the conference end badly
for Ashdown. Not only did some delegates shoot some of
his plans on education to pieces, but members told the press
that his closing speech was a very lack lustre affair. In it, he
suggested that Tony Blair was a control freak because he
would not change the electoral system. He also stated that
the close relationship between the Liberal Democrats and
the Labour party would be seriously undermined if a
Freedom of Information Bill were not published quickly.
Finally, he told his party that they must all “grasp the net-
tle” and commit themselves to supporting European
Monetary Union. By the end of the speech, the strain
caused by leading his party for a full ten years came to
light, but he said that he would never resign.
Thursday 15th October1998 n
Apathy at the University of Surrey,
IF YOU TOLERATE THIS YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE NEXT by Nick Walsh
Does it ever strike you that there are things wrong with the from the toilet circuit’ band are we going to have to pay
world, with Britain, and in more local areas such as this through the roof to see? Is food too expensive at the restau-
University? I would first of all like to state that this article rants? Is there any thing wrong with Bare Facts? Or the
does not apply to everyone; but to me it just seems there is wider issues of life, such as is the labour government doing
a feeling here, that people are prepared to go along with a good job? Are tuition fees a good idea or are the educators
whatever is put in front of them. I’m not sure whether it is out to stifle that great tradition of free learning and helping
unique to this region or University, but in the past it seems to re-impose a class system?
people were more likely to dispute and debate any threat to
their liberty. Having ideas and opinions on subjects is a good thing and
should be encouraged. When I first came here it surprised
Last year a costly and some may say pointless survey was me how few societies there were. It’s a good thing to see
carried out throughout the campus and the results said people showing a passion for things aside from their cours-
things like minorities were not catered for and that students es, but here a lot of people are bereft of a bit of passion.
did not fully understand what the Union does etc. Maybe a There aren’t many culture-related societies, this is probably
similar survey should be carried out to see if people actual- due to the overly scientific nature of courses on offer at this
ly know what is going on in the world, not just politics but University.. If there were more humanities subjects, then
general knowledge. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but I people might have more to discuss about; life, law, literature
doubt that there are a significant number of students who etc. Someone doing civil engineering or mech. engineering
know what is going on outside their narrow minded lives. with 20+ hours a week has more time constraints and poten-
Worryingly this is found at a University from which people tial stress than say someone doing sociology. So saying to
often move on to important jobs involving leading roles in these students, what do you think of when you hear about
running the country, cities getting bombed, children getting shelled, risks a reply
along the lines of ‘that’s terrible, but I’ve got to get this
It seems students here aspire to normality. By this I mean work done if I’m going to complete my degree’.
there is a need to fit in and to concentrate hard on studies
and then to go down the Union (mostly on the weekend) and So here in Guildford, home of the brash, outrageous and
get lagered up. Few people want to kick things up and ques- free we are behaving as if we are repressed and conserva-
tion things and change them. For instance, it’s possible to go tively dressed. Can you squeeze a thought into an empty
to Friday night out, every week, hear the same songs played page of your diary, and try and change the world. I sense the
in the same order, and have a nice refreshing pint of over- power in your fingers. Collectively we have the power, but
priced soapy beer, and love every minute. Is this the life of do we have the inclination. One day we will be old, the thing
liberated, cerebral young people. Personally I feel sorry for is we must feel dangerous NOW. There is no point being
the DJ at Friday Night Out, it must be a bit mind numbing ordinary boys happy knowing nothing, or ordinary girls
for him especially since he does the same thing at Bo’s on a happy going nowhere. It’s too easy having a mundane life
Wednesday. It speaks volumes for the area when the best laid out in front of you. We must change things. I have faith
nightclub in the area is a bland, dirty, backwards looking in you.
discotheque.
Here at Bare Facts, we would like to hold a series of
Students need to question what goes on in the University debates, on the wider issues of life, to be proved wrong that
more, and ask basic questions like; ..are we going to get people don’t really care. If you would like to take part,
ripped off again at the Christmas Ball? and what ‘big name please get in contact with the paper.
ELECTRASY Competition
Written as a sequel to the huge-
Competition ly popular He Died with a
The winner of the signed Morning Felafel in his hand, John
Birmingham’s latest book is
After CD is Lloyd Wood
filled with yet more hellish
house-sharing nightmares.
Concentrating on life in the
house over a two month period,
The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco is
guaranteed to strike terror into
the hearts of anyone who has
had to share a house for any
length of time
If you have a funny/horren-
dous/embarassing/incredible/
house sharing story that you are
willing to see in print and may
use to gain revenge on old or
even current housemates then
email it to
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk or drop
it in to the Barefacts office in
the Students Union. Not only will the best stories win Tasmanian Babes
Fiasco but you can also win a pair of Odeon Cinema tickets to a film of
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 5 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Music 5

The Delgados / Six By Seven / Cinema (Cheetara) / U-Boat Commander

The Union Chapel, 1/10/98 Vyvyan / Benzine
Three varied bands, although they all share the same ideol- Plastic People (Porn St*r), 3/10/98
ogy - in that they are all making music, in a progressive, The second night for this was the band formerly
forward looking fashion. The venue is unusually for a rock London's "Bratpop" club known as The Pin-Ups,
gig a church, everyone is seated in uncomfortable pews but was billed to be very spe- Pistols style punks who
everyone has a really good view plus really amazing cial. Cheetara, an all girl signed to Deceptive after a
acoustics. But with all this history surrounding us everyone punk pop band who had string of anarchic indie sin-
is a bit polite with the applause. Cinema play only one been picked up by the gles over '96/'97. Starting
track, but this lasts ½ hour and it seemingly split into two Melody Maker, and with off with a song based on two
movements. If dance music is the new classical music then two indie singles on the chords and lyrics about sin-
Cinema make a sort of baroque sound. The soundtrack to a way, were headlining where gle mums living on council
subtitled European film, high on culture, but low on main- previously they had always estates (U-Boat Commander
stream appeal. been bottom of the bill. are anything but p.c.) the
Benzine now had this slot band lost interest and started
Monotonous, repetetive and wonderfully refreshing all in and proved their position by jamming with each other.
unison. Powerful and simple, the awkardly muscular music 6 by 7 playing derivative And this went on for twenty
of 6 x 7, whilst not ridiculously brilliant or hideously louder and in widescreen. They are joined by a flautist and American style slacker minutes, accompanied by
melodic, is a treat in the current mire of bored cliches. 'For a cellist which are easily heard above all the distorted gui- grunge rock. Finishing with their moronic hard core
You' is a baggy throwback whilst the newer 'Candlelight' is tars going off. The hour long set is really complete and by a cover of "Swallowed" by shouting abuse into the mic.
strangely mystical. keeping the songs short and simple, the band don’t over do Bush the crowd weren't par- Having driven everyone
it. ‘Pull the wires from the wall’ with it’s two-part chorus is ticularly impressed but still away to the bar the climax
The Delgados are the real reason why everyone is here. The the highlight, but on ‘Blackpool’ you can actually feel the gave a polite round of came when an irate
elder statesman of the independent music scene. They are difference between the loud bits and the quiet bits which applause. Vyvyan, now two Cheetara fan grabbed the
hear to promote their new single ‘The weaker argument make the seats vibrate, which is nice. The good thing about singles down the round and mic and demanded they get
defeats the stronger’, off their album ‘Peloton’ which is The Delgados is that you can’t tell from their songs which courting a publishing deal, off and let a real band play.
also one of the finest of the year. All the songs played songs they have listened to which makes them all the more kicked off with the b-side The response was that the
tonight are off this album, and all are fully replicated except interesting. Daniel Jones and Nick Walsh "Teen Energy". Three sec- six mates of the band initiat-
onds in it was clear all was ed a stage invasion (not hard
Enough)’ is Smiths inspired pop not well. With the guitars when the "stage" was on the
Theaudience whilst the delicacy of ‘Keep In Touch’ hideously out of tune the same level and only separat-
Camden Electric Ballroom is touching. crowd endured and waited ed by monitors) and joined
7/10/98 patiently for the second the band by kicking in the
Daniel Jones song as the band started to amps and stealing the mics.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor is young and the ly, that things we use for a function panic and guitar techs As they legged it out of the
daughter of an ex Blue Peter presenter. should make money to create a motive moved in. Eventually the venue Cheetara arrived to
She also posseses a well formed, for their existence. Real art is that second song kicked off, but find that they had no amps,
porcelain face that seems to pout which is an artistic impression and the sound didn't improve. no mics, and no chance of
uncontrollably (particularly in market- people would wish to express whether By song four the drum kit playing their set. A big dis-
ing photos), and her hands drift fre- or not there were a (mainstream) audi- had broken and Vyvyan cut appointment and a one way
quently toward her hips. Despite her ence, and here lies its ability to claim short a disastrous set. ticket for U-Boat
minimal demeanour, her voice is forth- credibility. But, should something cre- Unfortunate. U-Boat Commander never to play
right yet curvaceous and her delivery is ated under that pretence become amal- Commander came on to another gig.
knowing and cognisant. Her fellow gamated into something that will 'sell high expectations. After all, Andrew Thomas
musicians or rather the people pulling more,' then there is a big question mark
her puppet strings are boring, old and over where it stands in the aesthetic
lifeless. All of these things (that she domain. For example, the outpourings
Gig Guide
has the credentials and the others do of a possibly sensitive articulate gener- Friday 16th
Mark Lanegan @ London Astoria
not) make it all the more remarkable ation Xer who is compromising his
that Sophie fails to muster up any sem- craft in order to latch it to a young face, Saturday 17th
The Jellys @ Aldershot West End Centre
blance of stage presence. to sell more....
Motorhead + Group Dogdrill @ Brixton Academy
Sunday 18th
It all revolves around the current ques- To utterly denigrate Theaudience is
Jungle Brothers @ Reading Alleycat. (£9)
tion of motives and thus the credibility unfair. As a pop band they can be mov- Stony Sleep @ Surrey Univeristy. FREE
of anything. We accept, perhaps right- ing. ‘I Know Enough (I Don’t Get Monday 19th
Veda + Lizard Kings @ Reading Alleycat. FREE
Sing Sing / Roscoe Tuesday 20th
Reading Alleycat 2/10/98 Crytuff @ Reading Alleycat
For a Friday night in Reading the venue is oddly quiet. Roscoe come on to polite clapping from thirty or so people. Playing Wednesday 21st
their brand of feisty girl fronted power pop they do little to disappoint. Mid set the tempo slows down and a few lighters- Montrose Avenue @ Portsmoth Wedgewood Rooms
in-the-air type songs are played. The singer is confident of herself and the band, now if only the other members would stop Thursday 22nd
“Camdemonium” @ Camden, London
staring at their instruments and sheepishly smiling and shoegazing in response to crowd heckles. The venue had gained a
Friday 23rd
few more audience members by the time Sing Sing entered. Promoting new single, "Feels Like Summer", the rest of the
Symposium @ London Forum
set did not disappoint. Variation was the key, with influences ranging from soul to techno whilst keeping an essential com-
Saturday 24th
ponent that help it remain coherent. Do not expect a new Lush, this is so much better. Andrew Thomas Republica + Gel @ Portsmouth Pyramids

Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci / Olivia Tremor Control / Murmurs Of Irma

Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms
7/10/98
The night began with an unexpected pleasure as local boys
Murmurs of Irma took to the stage as the second support. The
Murmurs play psychedelic pop, a bit of a cross between the
Cardiacs and David Devant. The singer on stage singing all kinds
of weird surreal lyrics, like "we're all fly away on a big currant
bun", and doing something between dancing and having a fit. They
also brought their own support in the Weirdry Sisters, whose job it
was to dance in strange ways on the dance floor (floral dresses are
definitely the in thing this year). Whilst this might put off anyone
else considering dancing it does however solve the problem of hav-
ing no one within twelve feet of the stage. The crowd genuinely
seemed to enjoy them with a real applause rather than the usual
polite applause reserved for support bands. The tour support were
the rather less local Olivia Tremor Control from Georgia. This lot
were loud and quite rocky but with a kind of added quirkyness. The
first couple of songs suffered from inaudible lyrics, which made
them a bit of a bland noisefest. But they soon remedy this with
some slightly quieter songs, which the lyrics were crystal clear,
well at least as much as your standard live band. The band not con-
tent with the normal guitars, bass, drums and keyboard decided to
add a trumpet and clarinet. One song was particularly out of the
ordinary as it seemed to consist of a marching beat drumming and
little else, with pauses to allow every instrument on stage to have
a solo before launching into a song proper. Overall they've got
quite a bit of variation but all the middle of their songs sound the
same, they could become really rather good if they get past this.
Two good support bands on one night, this just had to mean that
Gorky's would be a disappointment. As soon as Gorky's came on
they dispelled that with a great song which only featured piano and
violin but still not sounding dull. After this they got onto 'Diamond
Dew' which was done with more energy than you'd believe listen-
ing to the rather placid recorded version. They played some new
stuff that isn't like they're old material, including the rocking
'Poodle Rock' which was an all out assault on the ears. Whilst they
played a lot of material off the past couple of albums (they even
went back as far as 'Bywd Tyme' for at least one song). But they
inject it with such energy that they're hardly the same songs with
the loud bits going absolutely mad at times, but never going to far
and descending into white noise. The crowd really appreciated
both 'Murmurs of Irma' and 'Olivia Tremor Control', with both
pulling great responses from the crowd. Then Gorky's came on and
showed how playing live should be done. Giving the songs a new
power, which is hardly there on the records.
Ian Purvey
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6 Music Thursday 15th October1998 n

you could do a lot worse. 6/10 E.C.

SINGLES
ULTRASOUND - I'll Show You Mine (Nude)
AUDIOWEB – Get Out Of Here (Mother)
This latest release from the forthcoming “Fireworks
City” album has pretty much the same Ska/Ragga-rock
A - Summmer On
The Underground
SINGLE OF THE WEEK

A brilliant, dreamy, beautifully sung single that is cur-
rently touring with Placebo. Watch out for their soon to
be released debut L.P!! 8/10 C.H.
RIALTO - Summer's Over (China)
"A haunting lament to the last days of summer and the
end of a jaded relationship". Rialto's first proper single
(the first was only released via the internet) is being
released at just the right time and describes that sun-
longing depression that some people (like me) get at
this time of the year pretty well. A respectful 7/10 M.D.
NATALIE IMBRUGLIA - Smoke (RCA)
Natalie Imbruglia is already a successful singer so she
has a reputation to live up to. Although Smoke is not
as catchy as Torn was and the vocal intonation style has
changed, Smoke is still a quality song. The song is
accompanied by a lone piano melody and a string
ensemble which enhances the traditional pop feel of the
song. The record combines both real and synthesized
instrumentation to great effect and the single also has a
CD ROM track. 7/10 G.T.
FUN LOVING CRIMINALS - Big Night Out
(Parlophone)
The guys that gave us "Scobby Snacks" are back, this
time with a well funky, relaxing effort. A fine tune.
7/10 F.F.
CABLE - Arthur Walker (Infectious)
First single from the forthcoming 'Sub-lingual' album
sees Cable losing a lot of their harder-edge and settling
for something more melodic. Not as immediate as
'Freeze The Atlantic', but good. 7/10 R.W.
IDLEWILD - I'm A Message (EMI)
A nice, happy pop/rock number with a very odd, xylo-
phone filled B-side. A bit repetitive on the whole, but
formula as previous singles. It’s smooth flowing and
good listening, but seems to lack the same punch of the
superb “Policeman Skank”. 6/10 A.S.
THE DELGADOES - The Weaker Argument
Defeats The Stronger (Chemical Underground)
After the glorious 'Pull The Wires From The Wall' The
Delgadoes return with something resembling Gene
with a flute. It's not immediately as catchy as previous
singles but should do well with fans of the band.
Sensitive but just a little too vulnerable. 6/10 A.T.
LEVELLERS - Bozos (China)
A slight step away from the Levellers we're used to - no
fiddles or anthemic folk choruses. Instead we get fast,
yet bland, retro-guitars, which initially sound exciting,
but never rise to anything like, the similar, 'Hope
Street'. The usual kind of 'bonus' track from the forth-
coming 'Best Of'. 5/10 J.R.H.
SPECIMEN A - Hate This System (Squeaky Clean
Records)
Specimen have created a brand of alternative dance that
is more individual than most but still sounds a bit
Techno. The rhythms vary and the sound effects are
cool. Drums, base and guitars have a place in Hate The
System too. This isnt easy on the ears but it might be
good when under alcoholic influence. 5/10 G.T.
DEM 2 ‘Destiny’ (Locked On)
An already familiar tune in the London night clubs and
those into the ‘garage scene’, ‘Destiny’ is being for-
mally released with extended vocals on the radio edit
and new remixes featuring ‘Rhythm Masters’ and ‘New
Horizons’, none of which coming close to bettering the
original. 5/10 D.M.C.
(London)
A, whilst milling
about on the public
transport of London
over the clement
months have stum-
bled across the sum-
mer CD sale in Tower
Records and relieved
it of some of its Beach
Boys discs. And in
finally getting to the
studio they blend
these new sonic hori-
zons with their typical
punk references to
great effect. 8/10 D.J.
THE SUPERNATURALS - Sheffield song (Food) HURRICANE #1 - Rising Sign (Creation)
The Supernaturals' songs in the past have always been Having moved on from being ‘the missing link between
quite good, this song doesn't live up to their usual stan- The Stone Roses and Oasis’ but without the success or
dards though. This is disappionting, but I'm sure that songs, they now try and rip off My Bloody Valentine.
huge Supernaturals fans will love it. 5/10 G.D. Unfortunately though, singer Alex Lowe has a crap
voice and Andy Bell now writes naff lyrics, give it a
HINDA HICKS - Truly (Island) few months and they will be dropped. Good. 4/10 N.W.
I'm not a huge Hinda Hicks fan anyway, but this is even
worse than some of her other singles. This isn't as
upbeat as her other songs and doesn't really suit her and This weeks reviews by:
three versions of the same song on one C.D was just too Nick Walsh, Daniel Jones, Matthew Anderson,
much. 4/10 G.D. Ian Purvey, Andrew Thomas, Emma Clarke,
Rob Winder, Gemma Decent, Kevin Marston,
ARAB STRAP - (Afternoon) Soaps (Chemikal Georgina Tarrant, James Hemingway, Gabriel
Underground) Oliver Chamero, Dean Arif, and Christian
Dull, boring, drawn out are all words that describre this
Hunter.
single. Aiden talks his reminisies over the quiet music.
4/10 I.P.

Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)' all get inside your odd instruments accompany Bobby Conn's socially got from the album, is that these guys are definetely tal-

ALBUMS
TINDERSTICKS - Donkeys 92-97 (Island)
brain, just like great songs should. The old Mar1lyn
Man5on is (hopefully) dead, long live Mar1lyn
Man5on. 8/10 R.W.
conscious lyrics. Sometimes it goes a bit eighties rock
(track four, 'United Nations') and occasionally slips into
seventies funk. This keeps the variety but definitely
strikes you as an album that will take some listening to
ented, but they've got loads of work ahead of them.
6/10 G.C.

WAGON CHRIST - Tally Ho (Kranky)

Tindersticks have been around, not around as long as
some bands, but with the melancholy wisdom they sing
with, it sounds like they've seen all the futility of life
and love, and laugh at all those who still persue it. It's
not really surprising therefore that they are releasing a
compilation album. Of course it's not a "look what I've
done and aren't I great" CD, but includes rarities, unre-
leased recordings and album tracks, as well as a few
singles. Listening to this I can almost understand why
people compare This group to Nick Cave & the Bad
Seeds, but only in terms of both sing with deep voices
and have a thing for the blues. (Shown in the cover ver-
sion of Otis Redding’s 'I've been loving you too long'.)
However Tindersticks are also much grander and more
orchestral making music to hammer through your soul.
You may have guessed that I like this album, it mirrors
all the feelings everyone has and should make everyone
an instant follower, but maybe we should'nt give up on
life yet. 9/10 D.N.
MAR1LYN MAN5ON - Mechanical Animals
(Interscope)
Tonight, Matthew, Brian Warner is David Bowie. Yes,
gone are the ridiculous gothic rags and in their place
Mr. Man5on has taken the persona of an androgynous
alien character (I'm sure that someone has done that
before) possibly called Omega. Also gone are the sub-
NIN psuedo-gothic sounds, these are replaced by a bla-
tent, and perfectly timed, rip-off of Ziggy-era Bowie,
with a pinch of Sigue Sigue Sputnik and a hint of elec-
tronica. That said, however, this album makes the pre-
vious output from Mar1lyn Man5on look somewhat
inconsequential, here there is style, swagger and songs
(OK some of those surely owe some writers royalties to
Bowie) that were lacking in the past. Damn, some of
these songs are good, and a million times better than
anything Bowie has done since... 'Scary Monsters...'.
'The Dope Show', 'Rock Is Dead' and 'I Don't Like The
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
PLACEBO - Without You I'm Nothing
(Hut)
Returning with 'Pure Morning' earlier this
year Placebo have asserted themselves as the
unlikely dark pop band it's cool to like. They
make vaguely unpleasant noises by scratch-
ing guitar strings, their videos are all spacey
and metallic, and the singer looks like
(shock! horror!) a girl! Your parents will hate
them, you will love them, cue a&r wet
dream. So is the hype surrounding this justi-
fied? It would be fantastic to slate this, to
take away the front and expose them as lame
goth tinged wasters. Unfortunately it can't be
done. Because this is good. Very good.
Everyone knows what Placebo sound like, a
radical change of direction cannot be expect-
ed. This sells, and you're sold. 9/10 A.T.
V/A - The Real Ibiza (Secret Service)
This classy cd is a step above the rest of the countlees
Ibiza compilations that infest record stores... For
starters, it is mixed by Cafe Del Mar, which should be
a reasonable guarantee to any disco-freak. The mix of
guitar house and synthesizers gives the album a chilled,
relaxed effect; sounding a bit like cafe/bar music.
Overall, a pretty good compilation. 8/10 C.H.
LODGER - A Walk In The Park (Island)
Starting off with the vaguely recognisable single, 'I'm
Leaving' (famous, if only for it's lyrical content bearing
a striking resemblance to the Space/Cerys duet), the
album continues in it's sleazy cheesy shuffle through
life. Pearl 'Spam', ex-Powder has a very standard
female indie vocal, coming close to the yelpy drool of
Justine Frishmen (of Elastica). A Hammond joins in on
the kooky upbeat stomp of 'Bones' and in this song it is
particularly evident that a member of Supergrass is
involved. However, do not write off Lodger as a part
time charity for bored Camdenites - this particular loner
is a welcome resident in bedsit hi-fis. 8/10 A.T.
RAE & CHRISTIAN - Northern Sulphuric Soul
(Grand Central Records)
Combining nineties hip hop with other music styles this
is some slick turnable wizardry. Rae and Christian
have contributions from a huge host of other artists
(including Veba, YZ, Texas, Jungle Brothers and oth-
ers), melting each one's sound with their own brand of
mancunian soul. The best track is definetly 'Divine
Sounds'. This is good stuff. 7/10 M.D.
BOBBY CONN - Rise Up! (Truckstop)
Starting with an ambient soundscape of sirens and
arcade machines layed over a steady throbbing bass
note you immediately feel this is not a pop record.
Minimalist strings, drums, keyboards and an array of
get used to. Not immediate, but built to last. 7/10 A.T.
LINTON KWESI JOHNSON - Independant
Intravenshan: The Island Anthology (Island)
I must admit that i have never heard of this artist before
in my life, as he was well known in the 80's for his lit-
erary skills as a musician. This CD is basically an
anthology from the material of Jamaican dub poet
Linton Kwesi Johnson. His influence for the songs he
wrote was based on the revolutionary ideals of the
Black Panthers. Which his songs do indeed encapsulate
the ideals in his dub poet form. Its chill out music for
the populus that will blow your mind away with its
intelligence. 7/10 K.M.
CARRIE - Fear Of Sound (Island)
This album could be described in terms of an imagined
exchange between Carrie and the general public:
"Please take us seriously", "No, we won't". According
to the press release, there is a dark and meaningful side
to this outfit, hidden somewhere beyond the fluffy per-
ifory of their natural melodic leanings, but even after
sveral listenings it's hard to pinpoint it. The first (and
best) track, is a good, poppy song, and it becomes clear
as the recoed goes on that this is what the group should
have stuck t instead of letting themselves get convinced
by somebody to try and sound like a rock version of
REM with the odd Beach Boy harmony. All in all, not
a bad record, but one which leaves you wishing the
band was a bit more sure of their convictions. 6/10
M.A.
V/A - Ambient Ibiza 2 (Secret Service)
Don’t be deceived by thinking that this is another com-
pilation of mainstream club anthems that churn from
this ever-expanding island of commerce. This club col-
lection compiled by DJ Sergio is an insight into the
down-tempo melodies inspired by almost a decade of
DJing in ‘Café Del Mar’, ‘Ku’, ‘Space’ and ‘Amnesia’
to name a few. The mood conjuring collection, with it’s
soothing instrumentals and Balearic beats includes
‘Leftfield’s’- ‘Release the Pressure’ and a rare ‘Grid’
remix of ‘Rainers’- ‘Nod to N20’. Sergio seems to con-
tribute little to this unfortunately unmixed compilation,
bar one track, with some of the tunes being faded out in
mid flow. However if you expect nothing more than an
album you simply play through to induce a relaxed
state of mind or reminisces on the memories of your
summer hols, you won’t be disappointed. 6/10 D.M.C.
ESSEN - King Size Blues (Clean Up)
An eclectic album compromising a wide a variety of
musical styles, from electric, trippy jazz to spaced out
blues, with a touch of ambience and disco here and
there. Some tracks tend to go on forever, like 'God and
the Devil' which goes on for an incredible eight min-
utes, and 'Amen' which rambles on and on inconclu-
sively for nearly nine minutes. The overall impression i
Wagon Christ, also known as Luke Vibert (apparently)
has produced what he would like to think is a seminal
dance-type album of the year. He is, unfortunately for
him, quite mistaken. What he has produced instead is a
stunningly mediocre equivalent of a very B-list comic-
horror movie. Any artist that includes on an album a
stretch of himself talking dirty but with 'funny' Carry
On-style noises obscuring the naughty words is not a
genius but just has way too much time on his hands.
The rest isn't much better - it's all slightly too smugly
tongue in cheek to be any good at all really. Such a
shame, it's only going to get... 5/10 M.d.L
THE MONTROSE AVENUE - Thirty Days Out
(Columbia)
Get five dapper young men, give them guitars, give
them harmonies, and give them that old authentic atti-
tude. The result, something like The Byrds, Crosby,
Stills and Nash etc. The trouble is it’s 1998 rather than
1968. The Montrose Avenue contribute as much to the
current zeitgeist as Ocean Colour Scene. On ‘Start
Again’ the new single is a fairly up song about nothing
really in particular. Played on TFI Friday’s, as Chris
Evans likes them, but that doesn’t say much as it’s just
the new Des O’Conner variety show. ‘Where Do I
Stand’ blatantly rips off ‘A Man Needs A Maid’ off his
‘Harvest’ album, or it could be Bernard Butler. To call
them retro would be an understatement and the trouble
with the harmonies is they seem to get in the way of
each other. Oh did I forget to mention, the songs are all
tediously dull. We don’t need bands like this, but I think
they will go a long way. 3/10 N.W.
Tune in to GCR
You can keep up with all the latest music on GCR
1602am. Shows include Nick’s Chant n Tunes (1-3pm
Tuesday), No Wave (1-3pm Sunday), and Andy & Co’s
Radio Show (7-9pm Wednesday)
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 7 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Entertainments Guide 7

Cineline - (01483) 578017

19.30 TOTP
From Friday 16th Oct to Thursday 22nd Oct 1998
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday
16th

18.25 Star Trek

21.00 BlackAdder IV
23.30 Later With Jools
Fri & Sat (16th/17th)
Holland There’s Something about Mary
12.45 15.30 18.20 21.05
21.00 Friends
Lethal Weapon 4
21.25 The X-Files 13.00 15.55 18.55 21.40
Ever After
17th

22.25 Film: Murderous 12.40 15.20 18.05 20.50

Intent
Saving Private Ryan
22.00 Film: Mean Streets 13.30 17.10 20.50
The Truman Show
18.45 Star Trek Voyager 11.50 14.20 16.50 19.20 21.50
Mercury Rising
18th

21.00 Trial & Retributions II

13.30 16.40 19.15 21.50
A Perfect Murder
20.00 The Clintons - a mar- 13.15 15.50 18.30 21.05
riage of Power
22.00 Film: Casino Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
19.30 Here and Now
14.20 16.55 19.30 22.00
Mulan
19th

18.25 Hit, Miss or Maybe

13.00 15.20 17.40 20.00 (Fri - Thurs)

21.00 Trial & Retribution II

Sun - Thurs (4th-8th)
There’s Something about Mary
22.15 Film: The Hunt for 12.15 14.50 17.50 20.40
red October
A Perfect Murder
20th

20.30 Delia’s How to 12.20 14.55 17.30 20.00

cook Mercury Rising
20.00 The Bill
12.05 14.30 17.10 20.20
22.00 Ultraviolet Lethal Weapon 4
14.00 17.20 20.15(not on wednesday)
18.00 Star Trek :TNG Thr Truman Show
21.00 Living with the
21st

enemy 12.30 15.10 17.40 20.20

Saving Private Ryan
21.00 Sex Bomb
22.00 Ally McBeal
12.20 16.00 19.45
Ever After
12.15 15.05 17.45 20.35
21.30 Undercover Heart
Dr Doolittle
12.55 2.50 (Sun only)
22nd

18.00 Star Trek : DS9

21.00 3rd Rock from the
Sun
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
13.05 15.55 18.25 20.50
19.30 We can work it out
21.00 Taggart We will be showing The Boxer on 18th
and 19th of October. Daniel Day-Lewis
23.45 BBC New Comedy plays Danny Flynn who is released from
Awards prison in Belfast after 14 years for his part
in IRA activities. He determines to avoid
23rd

21.30 Black Adder Goes the bloodshed that was inherent in his
Fourth political past and to rebuild a new life in
his old home. He starts a gym to train
21.00 Friends young boxers like himself and renews his
relationship with the woman he left
behind. But hisrelationship to the past refuses to let him live a life of peace.
Showing Sunday 18th Oct at 5pm and 8pm and Monday 19th at 8pm.
This weeks Arts film is Aelita:Queen of Mars This is the story of how martians
12.15 Grandstand
24th

21.25 The X - Files
helped in the Bolshevik revolution and is one of the best known Soviet films
made in the 1920’s. Aelita tells the story of engineer Los who builds a machine
to fly him to Mars.
Showing on Wednesday 21st October at 8pm
Fill out your ticket in the union post room and then come along to
the film in LT G.
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Advice Thursday 15th October1998 n

"Fresher's Flu" Dr Russ

what the Health Centre says. by Lindsay Endean. Dear Russ
The new semester is now clearly under The time to visit a doctor is if symp- I know what job I’d like to do, how do I go about finding the
way and the Surrey halls of residence toms persist or get worse when you employers who might consider me?
are ringing with a chorus of coughs are expecting them to get better.
Dear Alison
and sneezes. Yes, "Fresher's-flu" has These could be caused by a secondary
There are a number of ways to do this. First of all, many of the big-
arrived and the health centre is once bacterial infection in the throat, chest
ger employers are currently sending us details about their graduate
again over flowing with people and ears, or sinuses, and the doctor
vacancies for next year. We record all of these in a Vacancy Bulletin
demanding the impossible; a cure for may be able to prescribe an antibiotic
which you can pick up in the Careers Service. You can also access
the common cold. to help. If you are prescribed an
this information through the University Home Page on the Internet.
antibiotic you must make sure that
Just click on “Staff and Current Students” and you will find it under
The symptoms of the common cold are you finish the whole course of treat-
“Campus Life”. Wherever they exist, we’ve included ‘hot links’ to
sore throats, coughs, achy joints, a ment because bacteria that are not
employer websites so you can get further information at the touch of
runny nose and possibly a slight tem- killed can develop an immunity to the
a button if you’d like. By the way, careers directories like Prospects
perature. You could suffer from all or antibiotic which makes them even
Directory 99 are another good place to look. Other useful directories
just one of these symptoms from any- harder to kill and does no one any
are listed in the “What Next” file for your degree in the Careers
where between five to ten days. The favours. Service.
common denominator is that all these

Careers
symptoms are caused by viruses, Real flu is another thing altogether I must emphasise that most of the employers notifying us about their
microscopic organisms that DO NOT and you will know if you have it. vacancies right now tend to be on the large side. It’s really a bit too
respond to antibiotics. Unfortunately Symptoms include a loss of appetite, a early to apply to smaller employers since they tend to work on a
there are over 200 of these little critters high fever, aches in the joints and a shorter time-scale. A mail-shot which included your CV and a cov-
that can cause the common cold (many feeling of general weakness. If these ering letter around March or April next year would probably receive
of them changing from year to year) symptoms are also accompanied by a a more positive response. You could also, by then, begin to use cur-
and as yet there is known treatment for dislike of bright lights, being sick, or a rent vacancy lists such as the Immediate Vacancy Bulletin which we
them. So if you arrive at the health cen- red rash, call a doctor immediately as produce in the Careers Service.
tre with a runny nose and sore throat these could possibly be the signs of
they will probably send you away with meningitis, which can become serious If the list of employers you eventually arrive at is too long, it may
be necessary to narrow down your choice through some further
the following advice: vary quickly.
research. The brochures which many employers produce are a
good place to start and we have reference copies of most of these
Coughs- Use steam inhalations or a If you require some more information
in the Careers Service.
sedative linctus available from the the Health Centre has advice leaflets
chemist (must be used sparingly). which you can take away and read up Finally, I invariably see students every year who have failed to get
‘Sore throat- Gargle with half a tea- on all the gruesome symptoms of var- job offers because they have only applied to employers who are
spoon of salt or soluble aspirin dis- ious illnesses in your time. “household names”. The competition for these is intense. By all
solved in warm water. Generally you Alternatively pick up the Union guide means include them in your list, but consider whether it would
should eat well, drink plenty of fluid to life from the Union reception. But also be in your interests to first research and then apply to a few
(the non alcoholic kind including tea, right now the Health Centre just don’t which you’ve never heard of. They often have some great jobs on
water and fruit juice, you never know, have time to see people who come in offer for which they simply don’t get enough applicants.
you might like them) and make sure with mild , harmless, and medically
that you get plenty of rest. untreatable conditions. Russ Clark, Careers Service
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 9 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Notices & Personals 9

■ lisa, karen & other x-hse64
finyears:- hi! from the usa
where i’m up working late
tonite... dave
■ baked beans on your collar,
eli.
■ burp !
■ furt !
■ tap says no to co-principals
■ garry in house 47 you are a
rabbit from: your other bird
■: sarah, now your 20 are you
going out more (can you han-
dle it!!!!)
■ it’s runny
■ it’s stretchy
■ hey jon, how long’s that
love bite gonna last?
■ hi marnie, and everyone.
from dan in africa
Personals
■ jim, don’t worry i am sure
lucy will come back to you,
even if you were with a man
■ go away laura, i don’t
wanna catch anything.
■ karen h, happy birthday!!
sorry i’m not here for it. say hi
to any other southamptoner’s,
michelle
■ hey thirty - so we’ll
have’em both by the end of the
year!!
■ lisa - how’s bill? love dave
■ howard dt - love you
mannnn!!!!!!!!!
■ eli, have you found the heat-
ing
■ Campusport - where’s our
kit??? SURFC
■ nympho - you had to go
home because you didn’t get
any sympathy...pants
■ marky mark - 13 mm more
like hitler
■: mel men go from lovely to
b**tards to even more unbe-
lievable b**stards! mel: 0
■ bridget - nice arse, the twi-
light hours mark,carl & jan
■ runny or stretchy?
■ i saw you, but the library
resturant girls didnt see you
last saturday (open 10 til 2)
■ Abbey -schewing
■ it is so stretchy - oh yes!
■ i completely disagree, there
runny!!!
■ eli, we love you and you can
live at our house,although not
all the time!!!
■ denise,was that you in the
union going upstairs!mmmm-
mmm!-a.r
■ matt,claire and alec are
pesky housemates and watch
too much simpsons.
■ claire,you chip shoveller!!!!
■ Chill out Winston, man.
From the Oat Krunchies.
■ carlits all tolerance levels
■ tap says no to grade 6 leader
■ i have my eyes set on you
taz!! living alone r u????????
■: that bird with the pierced
tongue!pleasure!!!!!!
■ ginger power rules
■ evelyn, a modified dog,
viewed the quivering fringe of
a special doily...
■ Curly gets nervous as sweet
revenge draws ever nearer -
amd there’s no referee in sight
to blow the whistle and save
■ angle-r you chip shov-
eller!!!, what was the name of
the pasta again
■: congratulations to colin
hardie and lisa bruneau on
their recent engagement!
■: soggy cockroach, have you
coloured in your poster yet?
■: if the entire population of
china held hands around the
world...half of them would
drown.
■ taz, i find your way of
dressing nice!!! i won’t to take
your clothes of and eat
you.....francesca...c u soon!!■ i
used to be indecisive but now i
can’t make my mind up.
■ surely the shower is the best
place to be when there is a fire
alarm?
■ mel it amazes me how their
friends put up with it, silly
fools! mel : 0
■: duffy, congratulations on
losing your chocolate cherry
■: no, having boiling candle
wax flung at you is a compli-
ment...!
■ annabella-rockerfella- please
make friends with your pretty
mate, i’m horny.
■ taz, guildford court wants
you but you r mine!!!!!!!!!!
■ week seven tests haha-
haa...oim goin to fale. luv
sparkly
■ robo,andy mcbeal,alex
have all been genged luv
sparkly
■ girls, get a good placement
by sucking nob in high places,
luv sparkly
■(Mel): You’re a bit strange ,
aren’t you?

Crossword No. 80
Across
1. A load-petrol makes it!
(5)
4. Fleets (7)
8. Correcting exercises,
perhaps (7)
9. Aromatic herb (5)
10. Strike-a great success!
(3)
11. Ceremonial parade -
when April’s here? (5,4)
13. Dismissed at cricket -
for being too slow! (3,3)
15. Send to (anag.) - a for-
eign port (6)
18. Taking dimensions (9)
20. To follow closely (3)
21. Mournful song (5)
23. One who has a patron
(7)
24. Part of animal - unsuit-
able for making a silk purse!
(4,3)
Solution to no. 79
Across: 1.wicks 4.marshal 8.largest 9.strip 10.cran
11.Jonathan 13.bandit 14.closed 18.jodhpurs 20.zinc
22.levee 23.bumpkin 24.perusal 25.tarry
Down: 1. Wolf-cub 2.certain 3.seem 4.motion 5.rascally
6.harsh 7.lupin 12.limpness 15.sticker 16.decency 17.tribal
18.julep 19.Dover 21.smut
Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham
25. Type of water-lily (5)
Down
1. A moth repellent (7)
2. Fictitious land of
romance (9)
3. A narcotic (5)
4. Infuriates (6)
5. Games-they can sudden-
ly become alight! (7)
6. A period of time (3)
7. A Flat piece of material
(5)
12. Correction (9)
14. Stringed instrument (7)
16. Depart from the main
subject (7)
17. Fish-one that’s sleeping!
(6)
18. King with the golden
touch (5)
19. Murmur angrily (5)
22. untrained - war’s com-
ing up! (3)
Notices
UNION Apology: October, at 7.30pm in UH. Lessons as Saturday 24th October
We're sorry for the lack of band on usual afterwards. International Meeting Point.
Sunday Night this was due to a mix up meet outside the campus sports centre
between the Union and the bands Cyprus Society AGM Thursday at 19.45 pm or phone Angie (Tel:
agent. Sorry 22nd october at 18.00 in LTD (01483)420733) in advance for more
details. An informal evening in a local
Chinese Student Society Taiwanese Student Society home, with light refreshments
AGM Today - Thursday 15th AGM Friday 23rd October at 18.00
October at 18.00 in LTB in Lecture Theatre K Make a Irish Beauty’s
Birthday dream come true!
No Wave AGM Today - Thursday Boat Club EGM Monday 26th
15th October at 19.30 in Hari’s Bar October at 17.00 in the Grant Mitchell
She’s selling her beloved White VW
Polo. Genuine reason for sale (moving
Room away where she already has another
car!), it s H reg with 77,000 miles,
Turkish Society AGM Monday MOT and Tax till Jan ‘99. New tyres,
19th October at 19.00 in TB 20a Photosoc AGM Tuesday 27th
October at 18.00 in the Grant Mitchell bought for £3000 last year, will consid-
Room in the Union er offers around £2200. For immediate
Hellenic Society AGM Tuesday view, please phone LISA on ext. 4121.
20th October at 18.10 in LT E
Arabic Society AGM
Wednesday 28th Ocober at 18.00 LTL
MOUNTAIN BIKE FOR
Karate Club AGM: Monday the SALE - '98 Trek Y-glide. Brand
19th of October at 21:30 in Teaching new condition, never beenused. 18in
Block 11. Phat Vibes AGM Thursday 29th
October at 19.00 in Hari’s Bar frame. Worth £1200, sell £975. For
Whether you are new to the sport or more info contact Adam oncv42ab or
not, do join in!! 56012
Car for sale
Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual D-reg Sky blue Metro City X for Snooker Players - Students feel
Society AGM Tuesday 20th saleGood condition, brilliant starter, that it’s appropriate that there are full
October at 20.00 in Teaching Block 20b taxed, MOT Dec. sets of snooker balls. If pilfering is
Complete with stereo and stop- occuring please stop. Thankyou for
Ballroom Dance Society lock.48,500 miles £450 o.n.o. your co-operation - Mr J White
AGM on Wednesday, 21st of Phone 01483 464167 for a testdrive.
Union Elections
Congratulations to the latest recruit to the Executive team. Equal Opportunities Officer
Gareth Harmer was voted in to the position of Technology Ensures that the equal opp’s policy is upheld - race, sex,
officer at last weeks Studen Council. Union Executive age, sexual orientation, HIV status and special needs.
Committee is a group of students, elected by students, to help Works closely with the Overseas’ Student Secretary,
run the Union and give guidance to the 5 sabbatical officers. Women’s, Post-Graduate and Mature Students’ Officers to
There are loads of different positions on “Exec”, from monitor correct representation and advise on policy. Ideal
Environmental Officer to Stage Manager, and we all meet for someone who enjoys a bit of campaigning!
once a fortnight to discuss issues, prioritise Union business
and have a drink. There are a few vacant Exec positions Women’s Officer
remaining. There’s something for everyone, and it’s darn Protects Women’s interests at University, in terms of child-
good for your CV. If you’re successfully elected onto Exec, care, welfare, education and safety. Liaise with national
then you can also take part in an accreditation scheme, equiv- women’s organisations on matters of concern, and report
alent to 2 credits at NVQ level 4 - well worth having. It’s run back to exec and Student Council.
by the Skills Development programme, in conjunction with
the Surrey Open College Federation, and involves keeping
records of what you do during your elected time, and giving
Returning Officer and 2 deputies
a short presentation at the end of the year. Jointly responsible for making sure all the elections for the
sabbatical officers and any referendums, go smoothly (??).
The vacant positions are:
Good for you if you like organising, and have some ideas
General Secretary
for this year’s elections. Don’t forget it’s also an
Helps out the Union Chairperson with the Student Council NUS referendum year this time!
meetings; assists the Internal Affairs officer sort out and If you want more advise or information please see any of
manage all the clubs and societies and gets involved with the Union or sabbatical officers. Nomination forms are
External Affairs such as NUS liaison, Community action, available from the presidents’ office, and nominations stay
etc. Helps if you’re good at writing and wording, as you’ll open until the post has been filled.
have to do minutes, agendas, etc.
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 10 (1,1)
10 Reviews
Truman Show (PG)
reviewed by Laura Knight and Daniel Jones
Director: Peter Weir
Starring: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris and Laura
Linney
Having a multitude of cameras trained on soci-
ety is the reality of every town centre or univer-
sity campus. However, imagine those cameras
trained on you and only you..... Everyone’s
heard about the film and knowing the storyline
beforehand detracts from the impact of the fas-
cinating and sinister concept - an insight into the
monstrosity of television. The last thing you’d
want then is someone telling you how Truman’s
every moment from birth is braodcast live to
televisions around the globe, without his knowl-
edge, and on nearing his thirtieth birthday he
finally summons up enough curiosity to propell
the film into action.
The Truman Show is a topical film in light of
the popularity of fly-on-the-wall documentaries
and seems the ultimate extension of peoples
apparent desire to feed from the lives of others.
It is, of course, is not Ace Ventura but it is also
not the intellectually moral comment it could
have been. Gattaca, directed by Andrew Niccol
who wrote this, deals with contol by DNA,
rather than Television, in a far more sophisticat-
ed manner. The Truman Show nonetheless
seems very clever - we’re watching them
watching him but aren’t we also directly watch-
ing him? The cinematography, meanwhile, is
candescant like any respectable low-brow soap
might be. Potential moments of genius, though,
are robbed from the film by the wealth of pre-
publicity it has been estowed - what might have
been subtle is in your face. 7/10
Theatre Watch
The picturesque Yvonne Arnaud Theater plays
host to a plethora of shows and plays. Situated on
Millbrook, it can be easily reached by foot from
the bottom of Guildford town centre. Coming up
as part of Guildford Book Festival, there is the ele-
gantly titled ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog’, a
tribute to Mark Twain on Friday 23 Oct at 8pm for
one night only. From Thursday 29th to Saturday
31 Oct, ‘All Passion Spent’ tells the story of elder-
ly adventure and youthfull stagnation.
The big Film versus Theatre debate (if there is
one) can be solved with The Guildford School of
Actings presentation of ‘Steel Magnolias’ this
weekend from Wednesday 14th Oct to Saturday
17th Oct. The National Theatre are currently in
residence showing ‘The Invention Of Love’ until
Saturday 24th Oct, a play by Tom Stoppard. For
more information call the Booking Office on
(01483) 440000 or pick up a leaflet from the
Union front desk.
Guildford Civic Hall (tel 444555) at the top of
town past McDonalds, plays host to general enter-
tainment extravaganzas from Paul Merton on 21st
Oct to Paul McKenna on 8th Nov and as if there
weren’t enough opportunities to hear Seventies
tunes in Guildford, Boogie Night Fever returns on
the 30th Oct.
The 25th Anniversary Tour of The Rocky Horror by Tony Burgess and supported by
Show reaches the Ambassador, Woking on Oct Anvil Springstein. Anvil was clearly
19th B/O (O1483) 748 303
Never forget that the Electric Theatre also offers an Geordie children are and his funny
excellent variety of entertainment. Watch this scally mates from Liverpool. Tony
space for further details or call 01483 444 789 for Burgess was really funny, doing gags
information.
Thursday 15th October1998 n
Game Review - Colin McRae Rally
Author: Codemasters Price: £34.99
Format: PC CD
A new release, Colin McRae Rally is
a driving simulation that appeared
almost out of the blue from
Codemasters (They wrote Dizzy on
the Spectrum years ago). At a time
when it appears that most quality dri-
ving games, like Gran Turismo and V-
Rally are only being made for the
Playstation, does this new offering
give the PC owners what they have
been waiting for? Well, read on and
find out…
With a lucrative licence in their pock-
et, Codemasters really have pulled out
all the stops in creating an enjoyable
driving simulation. It is often said that
it is more difficult to create an accu-
rate rally sim, because of the much
wider variety of tracks. Using the
highly successful TOCA Touring Car
engine, the game has been masterfully
created. With 8 different countries to
race in, and each country having 6 or
7 stages the game’s lifespan is huge.
Stages also feature different terrain
from gravel to mud and snow, and the
sky can also be clear or raining with a
host of other possibilities. One of the
nice touches about CMR is that the car
gradually gets dirtier as you drive
around, something that hasn’t been
done before.
The graphics are incredibly well pol-
ished, as you would expect from a
game that demands a 3d accelerator.
With direct support for a massive
Comedy
I think it is fair to say that the comedy
network is the best-kept secret out of
all the University Ents. Every other
week, top comedians and others come-
dy acts just starting out, take to the
stage in the Helyn Rose bar, and pro-
vide everyone with a really good night
out. On Monday 5th. It was headlined
from ‘up north as shown by his set
consisting of jokes about how hard his
about Jerry Springer and a neat, wry
routine of observational humour.
Its almost impossible to describe what
its like at a comedy night, so why dont
you find out for yourself on Monday
19th October.
Jack Russel
range of
3d accel-
erator
cards, it
promises
to look
good on
almost
a n y
machine.
On a mid-
dle of the
road PC it blows the socks off any-
thing on the consoles at the moment.
Nice touches, like the way scenery
will become translucent if it blocks
your view, and the smooth look of the
ground and scenery help to get away
from the blocky feel that was a major
problem with Screamer Rally.
The sound is reasonably well execut-
ed, with both Colin McRae and his co-
pilot featuring extensively through the
game. Engine and terrain noises have
also been faithfully added and well
used. McRae also has a section of the
game all to himself, where he teaches
you the basics of rallying in Driving
School. The school is definitely worth
completing, because it makes it
MUCH easier to drive the cars.
Network play for up to 8 people can
be organised from the one CD, or 2
can play split-screen on one computer.
Overall, this is probably the best rally
style driving sim that you can get at
the moment, and well worth shelling
out money for.
Grade: A. Must Buy! Marker: Gareth
Harmer
Martin Bigpig
Martin Bigpig,who hails from
Northern Ireland, headlines this night.
Martin Bigpig is a multi-skilled per-
former, delighting audiences with his
array of circus and cabaret skills.
Martin has performed extensively in
Britain and Ireland, having appeared at
all the major festivals. Support is from
Jack Russell, who has performed many
times at the Edinburgh fringe festival.
He is a snappy, sharp confident come-
dian who likes nothing more than
putting down the rowdier members of
the audience.
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 11 (1,1)
Thursday 15th October1998 n
Stiffy’s Column
Pills, Thrills and Bellyaches by Paul Cliff Sports Editor
Forgive me if I appear a little short tempered
in this weeks Editorial but you have caught
me in complete agony after a weekend knee
injury (bearable pain) just forced me to visit
the Sports Massage Therapist, Andy Goring,
for, unlikely as it may seem, some Sports
Massage Therapy (unbearable pain). It may
do me all the good in the world but it bloody
hurts.
As almost all of you will know, facing an
injured spell, when you live for sport, can be
extremely frustrating and an altogether
unpleasant experience. Indeed, this appears
to be shared by a remarkable amount of peo-
ple at the moment, as a large number of
Surrey Sports individuals are currently ‘out’
through injury. This is especially true at the
moment in the Football club, but seems to
be mirrored presently by many other sports.
What is more worrying is the number of
sportsmen and women who don’t seem to
use the available facilities to treat their
injuries. On my way to see Andy on
Tuesday afternoon, I encountered several
team mates who informed me that they were
currently injured. None of these individuals
had sought any treatment whatsoever and
seemed content to simply wait and hope for
the best.
Andy Goring is a fully qualified Sports
Massage Therapist who specialises in the
manipulation of soft tissue for the preven-
tion and rehabilitation of sports injuries. The
Union has agreed, this year, to subsidise the
cost of Sports Physiotherapy for Sports Club
student members by contributing half of the
£10 charge, so it only costs you a fiver, pro-
viding that you are a holder of a Sports
Registration Card. The treatment, despite
being admittedly painful, is bloody good
and has received glowing reports from all
those people I have spoken to who have ben-
efited from his expert Massage and advice.
For more details, or to book an appointment,
contact Andy Goring on 01483 452028.
Don’t let it get you down, get it seen to!
While we’re on the subject of sporty bods
not doing what’s good for them, a whole
plethora of drug and alcohol related prob-
lems seems to have beseeched the world of
football this week. What with Gazza’s four
day drinking binge and manager instigated
admission to a drying out clinic, followed by
Paul Merson’s tearful empathy for his team
mates plight and then the allegations of
widespread drug abuse in Italy’s Serie A,
you begin to wonder what other star names
will be added to notoriety alongside the
likes of Greaves, Best, Adams and more
recently Merson and Gascoine. When you
also consider the ridiculous actions of John
Hartson in his much publicised attack on
fellow West Ham player, Emil Berkovic, the
nations tabloid football columns begin to
look more like a script from Hill Street
Blues. Anyone who read the Times sporting
section on Monday may have spotted Mr.
Hartson featuring as an endorsement for an
advert for laser hair replacement therapy.
Spending all day under a high power laser
‘hair dryer’ seems to have done all manner
Dictionary Corner
finger (‘finge) n. any of the digits of the hand.
finger (‘finge) n. the length or width of a finger used as a unit of measurement.
finger (‘finge) v. to release, most effectively in a public place, or in a widely distributed medi-
um, the identity of a football bird seen leaving a nightclub with an individual so that ‘everyone
now know’s what she’s been up to’.
Footnote found under this entry; the final definition can be used under either of two different
circumstances. Firstly, if you are either unknown or relativley immune to the person who you fin-
ger then this is known as a safe finger. If you are known to her, her name is Slugger and she is
likely to break every bone in your body before removing your testicles and feeding them to you
with a dash of Tabasco sauce, then this, Mr. Russell, is known as a dangerous finger.
of mischievous things to the Welsh
Internationals brain, never mind not doing a
great deal to cure his progressive baldness.
At this juncture I hand you over to Boxing
correspondent, Gavin Berman, for a live
report;
Gav’s Ranting Geese.
All I really want to say is ‘about bloody
time’. After what seems like an absolute
eternity to me, the two greatest heavyweight
boxers of the moment (alright so there’s not
much around) are as they say in the trade,
‘gonna get it on’. Early in 1999, February or
March are the favourite months in Las
Vegas, Lennox Lewis the WBC champion,
will be given the opportunity to whip the
sorry arse of Evander Holyfield, relieving
him of the burden of his IBF and WBA title
belts. It used to be so simple when one man
was the champion of the world and that was
it. Today there are three men who have
‘earned’ the right to call himself the
Heavyweight Champion of the World. Two
of them have been mentioned here already,
while the other one is awful, unfit to call
himself world champion until he beats
someone decent, which he won’t, coz he’s
crap. It is time to get some respectability
back into the ring, after the last couple of
years of ear biting and a general apathy sur-
rounding the heavyweight division, an
undisputed champion is the way forward.
By spring 1999 the world will realise that
the planets most talented heavyweight is
from these fair Isles. And it aint Herbie
Hide, coz he’s crap.
Rant ended.
On a brighter note, Tuesday 13th October
will see the latest SRA National Squash
League meeting taking place at the Varsity
Centre as Paul Johnson, the new England
no.1, leads UniS against UWIC in group C.
Lottery funding has led to the SRA League
becoming the biggest in the world and its
latest expansion into 3 area groups of five
teams begins at Tuesday’s event. With only
one leading English player absent from the
team lists and a healthy contingent of top
foreign players, the league looks in a healthy
position, with a fine crop of juniors waiting
to blood themselves against the very best.
More on this event in next weeks pages of
Surrey Pride.
I wish all of you the very best for the com-
ing fixtures on Wednesday and Saturday
which I will be supporting fervently whilst
my enforced absence from the action con-
tinues. Give them a large dose of Surrey
Pride. A final mention must go to two very
mischievous boys whose antics have come
to light over the last week. Firstly, a very big
tut-tut to Trapdoor for his duplicitously cun-
ning culinary adventure with the ‘Space
Dumplings’, and to newly elected Sports
Executive, Steve Russell, who may like a
good shuffle, but we’d prefer if he ruffled
his curtains first. That’s all.
Do it for sport; do it for
The Surrey Pride
Rudity is Astroturf nudity!
Well it certainly had the build up, and it cer-
tainly had the full support when the time
came. I refer of course to the Rugby and
Netball social event last Tuesday held at the
Varsity. It all started with a nice friendly game
of Netball! The concept of this game had
some of the rugby boys flummoxed from the
outset! And as for the rules, well...... no clos-
er than three feet, footwork (sounds like a
trainer manufacturer) and this bizarre fact
about throwing the ball too far! Now picture
this.......the light is dimming, the lovely
Netball ladies are ready and willing and the
rugby boys are wearing stupid hats and
singing! The game of course was a foregone
conclusion with Netball absolutely stuffing
us, I mean how are we supposed to get used
to playing a game that doesn’t involve smash-
ing into people?
The only place to be after the game was of
course the bar! It was hats off to the f and b
people over at the Varsity as the food tasted
delicious and many a plate was returned for
seconds. As is the forte within the rugby club
for not only playing a stylish and attractive
game, the drinking games proved to be mani-
acal! Rob Rock kicked it all off by downing
two pints in a row (one complete with
sausage and mash) followed by team boat
races. Here the Netball girls developed a cun-
ning new tactic in that if they couldn’t finish
all their pint they simply threw the remainder
all over the nearest rugby player! The Balloon
game was also a great chance for more wild
and daring antics with balloons being passed
under chins and between legs! Mr Meharg
and AJ were again continuing their quest to
humiliate and embarrass any first year who
was stupid enough to listen to them. One
young lad (Jamie Crocker) was forced to run
to Tesco’s and ask for a tube of KY jelly! On
Reserves Stand Alone As USFC Crash On Saturday
As England failed to impress a 72,000 crowd
at Wembley on Saturday afternoon, USFC did
their best to mimic the terrible display at our
own level of football. The first team went
down 4-1 at home to Wrecclesham with two
USFC players sent off. The first, Trigger
Miller, was dismissed from the touchline for
attempting to advise the referee on how he
should have a handled a particularly viscious
foul on winger Richie Bedford, who was him-
self sent off minutes later for contesting an
offside decision. An 85th minute consolation
goal from James Ashton typified the standard
of officiating in what was described as an
attrocious performance.
The Reserve team kept the Yellow and Blue
flags flying however, in a 6-0 away demoli-
tion of Grayshott Reserves, with goals from
captain Dwayne Guillaine (2), new boy
Dominic Walker (2), Si ‘Collar’ Roche and
Fresher Sumner. The Graduate and Industrial
Surrey Pride 11
arrival he had to wait for five minutes while
the assistant went out the back to get some
more as the shelves were bare!
Being the kind-hearted man that I am I decid-
ed that Messrs Gary and AJ had earned their
come uppance and punished them according-
ly. This, however, backfired on yours truly
within two minutes as I found myself stand-
ing in the middle of the Varsity, downing a
pint with my rugby club tie safely tied around
my family jewels!!! Well, if you can’t beat
‘em, join ‘em! Ensuing this rather public dis-
play from the 1st XV front row a group of
partially dressed freshers (men and women)
were made to run around the Astroturf in the
pitch black. This stunt I think would have
proved more enjoyable if the Hockey club
had still been playing but Ajay managed to
provide his own form of entertainment by
running back into the room and promptly col-
lapsing and causing panic. Eventually he was
fine. Our noble sports officer was next to the
ockey as he (like his
captain before him)
bared all for the
crowd and dismissed
a pint with dazzling
panache! The final
call of the evening
was of course nudity
and almost everyone
obliged, and thus
made it easier for
those without better
halves to procure
one!
The fun however
didn’t end there as
before I knew it there
were about 40 people in two stag hill rooms,
i.e. some bright spark had the idea of contin-
uing the evening through the means of a party
at my house! It certainly was fun, security
came to check if we were all OK (which was
nice!) and everyone seemed to think that any
part of the house could be used to vomit in!
Wildfire rumours are going that the toilets
were being used for a purpose which I’m sure
wasn’t intended by their creator. Thank you
AJ and Adam for delivering to us two of the
most vile drinks imaginable! Still, a good
time was had by all, big hand to CJ and
Bimbo for organising it all and a big hand to
all who attended and made the evening such a
defining moment in Surrey pride. As the say-
ing goes: get your chin off your chest and go
again...........!!!!!?????*********#
The Boy Davis
year team went down 6-1 away to Guilford
Railway Old Boys despite a typical mazey
Pythagorus goal from Richie Pattison.
Similarly disappointing results followed for
the B team (losing 4-1 at home to Hambledon
with our only goal coming from USM Carter)
and the GI reserves or D team losing 2-0 at
home to league leaders Pyrford reserves.
The overall disaster of the day did nothing to
stop the lads enjoying their Saturday evening
however, as the Freshers Intro Disco in the
Lower Bar was a fantastic success making a
tidy profit for the Club. Loopy juice flowed,
Gutzy’s birthday celebrations continued with
a second ‘mucky’ and a good time was had by
all. Many thanks to Berman, Burman and
Samuels on the decks (Good Work Fellas!)
and all those who helped to man the door.
Shame about the bloody freshers though!
Stiffy
ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:39 Page 12 (1,1)

Tai Chi, My Experience
My first experience of Tai Chi Chuan (full ren-
dering of Tai Chi), came one morning as I woke
with a terrible hangover, the result of another
night of excess. The sun had not long risen and
the land was brand new, still covered in itswrap-
ping of fresh dew, there upon the grass my
friend; an oriental; was practicinghis Tai Chi.
His movements were slow, precise and with a
natural flow, they were light and graceful and
yet had a solid earthy quality to them that was
unlike anydance that I had ever seen. At that
time my life was filled with excess; drinking,
drugs smoking, either to little sleep or to much-
sleep, stressful relationships and needless anxi-
ety. His practice seemed balanced andwhole-
some; it instantly appealed to me.My friend’s
English was not good and I didnot manage to
learn much from him, we were both travelling
and it was not long before we parted company,
but I did not forget what I had seen. Some time
after arriving back in England I started going to
local classes.
Tai Chi is one of a family of martial arts known
as internal arts. Ba gua, Xing I, and Chi Gong
are also of the same family. The main princible
involved in using Tai Chi as a means of self-
defense is to yield to force in such a way as to
unbalance our attackerwhile remaining balanced
and in a position to counter the attack. This is
far easier totalk about than to actually do, but
that does not matter because the training that
gives the long-term practitioner this ability is
very good for your physical health and mental
well being. To be able to yield to attack and so
to effectively use the Tai Chi movements in self
defense means that the practitioner must have
acute awareness of his own body alignment
(good posture) and the ability to remain relaxed
in body and mind unflustered by some one else’s
Surrey Pride
aggression, this is the aim of the Tai Chi train-
ing. The core of this training is the Tai Chi
form. The form is a series of movements per-
formed in a set pattern. This pattern is spe-
cially designed to gently work the body, sys-
tematically.opening joints and gently working
muscles. It is performed as a meditation and
often has a very soothing effect on the mind.
I am not naturally very gifted at sports and
have avoided competitive activities because of
a lack of confidence in my physical abilities. I
found the environment of the Tai Chi class
verycomfortable, a place where you could
develop skills at your own pace, where ability
is nurtured rather than drummed in to you. Tai
Chi is by and large a non-competitive activ-
ityand there is none of the belts or gradings
that are to be found in other martial arts.
When you participate you do so for your own
benefit, no one else is going to pressure you to
succeed.
It has been four years since my first Tai Chi
lesson, and the enjoyment that it gives me has
steadily increased. I practice every day and
would hate to miss one.
To learn Tai Chi it is very important to find a
good teacher. I have been fortunate enough to
have met Aarvo Tucker and have studied with
him for the last year. Aarvo himself has lived
with and learned from two great masters dur-
ing his fifteen years in the Far East. He is
nowpassing on his knowledge and skill at local
classes. If you would like to find out more
aboutTai Chi, Ba gua, or Chi Gong you can
talk to James at the Union food and bev. office
or phone Aarvo and Mei Chi on 01428
741044.
The Glorious rout of Kent 1997 (how many touch downs was that Dan?)Picture: Chris Pye.
A month before our first match things are looking up.
From the sideline the coaches can be heard mumbling
about having a more developed team than at the same
time last year, and varsity staff complain that we
never use to need this many changing rooms. So all in
all American football has got off to an excellent start.
We are yet to play our first match, and eagerly await-
ing our first outing, to obliterate the Bristol Bullets
(Away 8th November).
The team has picked up a better than usual quota of
freshers, and a surprising number of other new mem-
University of Surrey MHC 5 Croydon MO 2
Despite a greatly improved performance, the sec-
onds slumped to a narrow defeat against poor oppo-
sition. However, the result does not give a true
reflection of a game which Surrey just shaded in
terms of territorial advantage. Unfortunately the ball
was lost twice during promising attacks and with
swift maneouvres (and a lucky deflection off a post)
Brighton gleefully took advantage of both opportu-
nities. Both teams had started well with Rookie
goalkeeper, Mike {Good nickname - Sports Ed.},
making a crucial save early on. Soon after two sub-
bers. This years new fat boys includ-
ed “Homer” (a.k.a. mad psychotic
Canadian, favourite TV programme
South Park (for the artistic con-
tent)), “Yeti” (Statistics huge:
“damn I can’t strain my neck any
further” by “is that a car you’re hid-
ing behind your back?”), and “The
King” (Apparently rockin’ an’
rollin’ his way back from the dead to
aid us on our crusade). The ranks of
non fat boy players has been equally
well swelled (cheerleaders could
help further…), but lacking a whole
page to write on I won’t mention
any of them this time.
Anyone interested in playing
should come training to the varsity 12:00 on Sundays
or 19:00 Tuesdays. All you need is trainers or boots,
shorts and a old t-shirt. Alternatively talk to any of us
lumbering around campus. Cheerleaders should
apply to “Nice guy” Dave (it’s ironic) at
me61ds@surrey.ac.uk . For the rest of you we’ll see
you down the Ram on Thursday. Thanks to all the
guys who have come down to training this season.
By Marcus Mayers Stingers President (don’t ask
about my moniker..)
stitutions in the 15th minute Surrey took the lead by
James after a fine string of passes.
At half time, further substitutions and a reshuffle left
Surrey caught out by a more adventurous and cre-
ative Brighton who equalised and shortly after went
ahead as Surrey looked to regain the initiative. The
rest of the half saw Surrey mount frequent attacks
but, despite some poor clearances from Brighton,
we were unable to strike back.
Ed Groenhart

Ladies Take A Shoeing , Slugger Takes A Fall
Farnborough Ladies FC 11 USWFC 2
Last Wednesday afternoon
saw the Uni Womens
Football Club travel to
Farnborough in a fantastic
display of organisational
prowess which crowned them
Best Organised and
Administered Club at last
years Colours Ball. Taking
with them two famed bas-
tions of Surrey Sport as dri-
ver and reserve referee (Curly
still awaits cruel revenge!!),
support was gauranteed in a
manner typifying all that is
Surrey Pride. Stopping at the
Varsity to pick up a whistle
(Russel, tuck your shirt in!)
the journey to Farnborough
bordered on the comical as
Slugger James navigated the
route with all the accuracy
and precision of a concrete
elephant tiptoeing through
the Tulips.
Finally arriving at the venue,
we found that Surrey no
longer needed to provide a
referee as Farnborough had
confirmed that they had one
to the Sports Office on
Monday. This was a shock to
all of the team (or so we
believed at the time!) and
profuse apologies were
accepted with offers to run
the line (if only I’d known the
truth then!). The teams ran
out with Surrey sporting their
away ‘Inter Milan’ kit whislt
the home side wore the elab-
orate fluorescence of
Borrussia Dortmund and a
fantastic afternoon of
European total football was
anticipated.
The game began at a furious
pace with Farnborough look-
ing very capable indeed. It
took all the concentration of
the Surrey back four to keep
the score goalless over the
first ten minutes but when the
Farnborough number 11 fired
in a shot from 8 yards there
was nothing that our keeper
could do. 1-0. Surrey came
back firing however, and
egged on by a fine band of
travelling support we
equalised as Di poked the ball
home from two yards. 1-1.
Within minutes Surrey
remarkably went 2-1 up as a
long ball from the midfield
was beautifully headed past
the Farnborough keeper by
one of her defenders. At 2-1
and looking quite fluent in
the middle of the park, the
Surrey support dared to hope
for a victory. Alas, it wasnt to
be.
Cheered on from the adjoin-
ing playground of a local pri-
mary school, Farnborough
soon began to dominate and
as the goals rained in it took
every ounce of Surrey Pride
to keep the girls chins up of
their chests. With a half time
score of 9-2, skipper Foghorn
Wright had a lot to do at the
break to focus the team on the
positive aspects of their per-
formance. And their were
quite a few - honest!
Some great performances in
the second half from back
four Clare P., Holly, Rachel
and Hannah W. were under-
lined as substitute keeper
Rowena played magnificent-
ly to only let two more goals
in. Across the midfield Erika
looked superb, Lene was
solid and wingers Di and
Hannah worked hard for Elsa
and Charlotte up front. First
choice keeper Clare came
back on at right wing in the
second half and looked
inspired fuelling speculation
that this may be her natural
position. The rest of the game
past without too much further
incident except for Slugger’s
Nobbie Styles like challenges
and Curly getting a knock on
her knee and a bruise that
she’s very proud of!
The disappointing result did
nothing to dampen the girls
spirits, unlike the magnificent
culinary hospitality offered
by Farnborough (anyone for
pizza?? - 1 slice per person),
and the songs on the journey
home made a football and
rugby player with ten years of
Surrey between them blush
like a Fresher at intro week.
Many thanks to Boy Davis
for driving here there and
everywhere throughout the
day (and night!), and hats off
to Slugger who enjoyed her
day so much she didnt even
need to get in to Bojanglez to
go home, break a window and
hide in the Electricity cup-
board for half the night.
Dangerbird!
Reserve Referee and Weds
Fixture Secretary
Advisor/Killer
Surrey Seconds Edged Out By Brighton
Surrey MHC 2nd XI 1 Brighton MHC 2nd XI 2
Following a late change in our start time we managed 2-1 to Surrey.
to get 2 teams, and 2 umpires at the Varsity for 2:45 When our Captain returned to the field of play (full
(no Julia nobody is blaming you). We were of course of remorse), Croydon’s numerical advantage was, of
early enough to watch the girls beat their opposition. course now gone. Surrey began to “Boss” the match.
Despite the absence of their inspirational skipper, Goals from the BMX Bandit, Freshie and Sumo’s
Margi “The blonde fist” Clarke. It appears Emma memorable “Drag Flick?????” (Pitched short of a
had an early morning rendezvous at the clinic. length catching the keeper coming forward).
When Croydon arrived I was amazed at the sheer The score was now 5-1, with Croydon grabbing a
size of their team. I instantly began to worry about late consolation goal. However it was inevitable that
some of our smaller members of the team. My con- Surrey would take the points. The season therefore
cerns were justified as for the first 10 minutes they bodes well. Following last week’s draw with a team
preceded to use their physical advantage breaking we had always lost to, and this week’s victory over
down play whenever they lost possession. Once a team, which our games had always resulted in
more inconsistency reared it’s ugly head. Following draws. Dare I say it, surely Europe Beckons?
Jan’s dismissal last week for a tackle from behind
every Croydon challenge appeared to have that ori- Finally, after last week’s article, when I strived to
gin. These bully boy tactics however proved to be to make ambiguous the identity of the “mystery
no avail as the guile and cunning of Dirky our for- Football Birrrrrd”. I was confronted by her and told
eign import soon saw Surrey’s Pride 1 up. “it was obvious that it was me, everybody now
knows what I’ve been up to!!!”. This was of course
With 15 minutes gone Croydon’s 6 foot 4 Centre never my intention and I’m sure that not everybody
Forward “Knobbled” our 5 foot 4 Centre Back who knew it was you. Notwithstanding this, I offer my
had just returned from injury. Our veteran was told sincerest apologies to Holly James (all enquiries to
to warm up. Soon thrust into the “action areas” be sent to Guildford PO Box 502/605).
Foggy 04/10 it was clear to me that our teams man Edgar Barnes Wallace.
marking was as poor as a Union based Tattooist on
Charter Ball night. Despite this Sumo added another
goal and Surrey appeared to be coasting.
Croydon to their credit dug in deep. Our ageing
Libero under constant pressure appeared to lose the
ability of hitting the ball, with 3 bouncing bombs
being hit “Damnbuster” style (sorry for the painful
memory Gutsy).
A rash noisy challenge by Jan led to a stern talking
to by Tony the Umpire, and all Surrey’s “house
points” for their controlled disciplined Hockey were
gone. Moments later our captain put in an unneces-
sary challenge (perhaps his mind was focused on the
18:40 to Cardiff). This challenge was later than the
payment of Scouser’s match fees. Resulting in the
skipper spending 10 minutes behind the goal.
Following a superb individual goal by Croydon’s
Centre Half, which even had the umpire applauding,
meant the teams went in at half time with the score