Contact: Dr Elsabe Pepler

www.elsabepepler.co.za
Elsabe.pepler@gmail.com
083 273 9183

Workshop: Telling your own life story

The most important question and task of your life
Do you know what the most important question of your life is? (Look at some links that I
provide at the end of this text to get you all excited about our talent for and gift of
storytelling.)
It is this: Who am I, where do I come from, where am I going, and what is my story?
And do you know that by constructing and telling your story, you are probably going to heal
a lot of your physical, emotional and social problems? Just by telling it
Those around you will know who and what you are much better. And you yourself will be
happier about the most important person in your life. Perhaps you can become your own

best friend. Oscar Wilde said that the beginning of a relationships with yourself is the
beginning of a life-long romance.

Background: Why stories and storytelling?

We often look at another person and see very little. We may be impressed, or we may feel as
if we do not like that person. He or she may be beautiful, have a great car or family, and
seem rich and happy or clever. Until we hear their stories.
Stories are the oldest discipline in the world, long before psychology, medicine and art and
science exicted. Stories give us soul and heart.
I was introduced to Narrative Psychology as a module during my honours year in Psychology,
about fifteen years ago. At the same time, I attended three annual Narrat ive Journalism
courses from the University of Harvards Nieman School for Journalism, which have tried to
do away with the stale 5Ws and the 1H to write news stories, especially the lead or
introduction. This was obviously the result of trying to keep the dwindling newspaper readers
with the newspaper or media company. Since then, my interest in the telling of sto ries and
the value thereof grew, partly because the discipline of stories in many industries also became
important again. I have done research on narrative medicine where the patient, the one who
is sick, has the main role to tell the doctor or others how he or she feels, how they experience
their disease, how it developed and how it affects their lives. A sick person is much more than
a diagnoses and symptoms it is an experience of an individual, a story of suffering.
We also saw a tremendous growth in the areas of narrative branding and marketing, as the
effects of the Internet grew. Volumes of research and studies were also done. Many of these
studies prove that we will literally die without stories, as Cron (2012) and Gottschall (2012)
both say. The human brain is literally wired for storytelling, more than anything else, writes
Cron. The thing is, we all have a place in relation to the history of the world, our country, our
families, our friends, all of those around us. Many of us have an intense love story and long
journey with a dog, or a cat, or a horse that nobody else would have had.
At the same time, I noticed a new momentum in the practice of oral storytelling. Written
stories have always been with us, and we read books in its book form, but also on the social
media, YouTube, TED and the Internet. Of course, any film that we watch is a story, music
with and without lyrics open stories up for us, and the entire field of drama and performing
arts are geared towards storytelling.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes says it so perfectly: Stories set our inner life into motion, especially
when we are frightened, wedged or cornered. When we are down, story greases t he pulleys,
causes adrenaline to flow, shows us the solution and direction up, down or sideways, solves
our problems, help us dream lead to love and learning and take us back to ourselves.

We love the stories of other people

This is why Hollywood and Disney exist. This is why the music industry is so big and money driven. It is also the reason why we love the media, especially television. We eavesdrop when
we stand in queues to find out more about others. Because we love stories, we love YouTube

and TEDx. This is why we take photos and make memories. Because a picture tells a story of
a time in our lives. (Even if it is a selfie.)
But all these dozens of story formats are usually about other people. We all have a favourite
story, a beloved song (maybe a love song), a much-loved film or even film genre like the Star
Wars epics, or Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. These are traditionally our favourites,
because we identify with the words, the feelings, the content, the story. The story is what
hooks us and keeps us.
The big question, for me, just grew bigger. How many of us can tell our own stories in a pretty
entertaining, eventful manner? We too often think that other people have worthwhile stories,
that only heroes have stories like the Mandelas, the Churchills, the athletes or sports stars,
the natural leaders who overcome obstacles and triumph to be an example of a story to tell.
But, but !

We all have a story

We were all born, many of us into love or conflict or into war and poverty, or even while we
were not wanted or expected. My father was depressed his entire life, and in his fifties, his
mother told us all that their wedding anniversary was not on the real wedding date they
have lied for 50 years about it, because my grandmom became pregnant with my dad when
she was 16, and were pushed out of school, church and society. They got married, but my
grandfather blamed my grandmom for the rest of their lives.
We tend to think that our life story is just a linear line of facts. Born 1 April, went to school,
started university or work at 18, got married, had kids, lived happily, got in an accident, got
grandchildren, lost some beloved people, died. We all know that this is not the reflection of
a life. A life tells what happened in a specific manner, why it was important, what the
experiences meant to a person, what was the most important to that person, how his or her
story continued, how they turned out, how they handled conflict and survived bad times.

The power of words, images and symbols

When we tell stories, or take a picture, or write and sing a song, or create an artwork, a
certain atmosphere, meaning and messages are infused in that outcome.
If instructed, you will probably be able to tell me about all the bad, negative, hurtf ul things
that have happened to you. You will use words like sad, hurt, cry, depressed, hate, lone ly,
crying, disappointed, shame and humility.
If I ask you, however, to tell a positive story about yourself, for some reason we struggle
more. Are we not thankful, do we think we are egotistical when we talk about ourselves in a
good, flattering manner? I dont know, but this is where the experts of neuro -linguistic
programming enter. They believe that we can reframe and rename our experiences, our
emotions, our objectives and goals, our self-image and our success, by using different words.
For every negative there is always a positive, and for every positive there is also a negative.
But our brains respond much better to positives. Our brains make new pathways when we
are happy and optimistic, and we experience positive feelings, because of hormones like

serotonin, oxytocin, and others. A heavy combination of these are usually what makes us fall
in love and why love wears off again.

Why do you need to write, identify and tell YOUR story?

Important: telling and constructing your own story is not to find if something is wrong with
you. It is not therapy although it can be therapeutic . You can only tell others what you know
about yourself. Your self-talk gets absorbed in your stories. However, suppose something
happens to anyone of us, people are going to remember us for our stories and the role we
played in their lives and our own lives. We all know one of those chronic moaners whose days
are full of problems and negative emotions, and nothing is ever fantastic or happy or right.
We usually start avoiding them, because it is heavy.
I am so sad that I have not chatted with my parents and grandparents more about their lives,
and their stories. I knew certain things, but there was so much more that I could have known.
I come from a pool where six peoples genes are working together to make me me. Before
them there were others, so there are even more genes at work. The story you tell about
yourself, your life and your family, is directly linked to your well-being and health.

A few other benefits of this workshop

It can help you focus and concentrate
It will calm you, and free up some content
It will help you forever to better narrate your own story through your lif e
You will afterwards have specific questions to ask of your family and friends and about their
connections to you
It will again demonstrate the beauty and power of stories to you
You may be able to think more constructively about your future
You will appreciate your past life more
It will recharge your creativity
You will again realize the power of words and language
You will be able to tell another person the story of your life in a coherent, organised way
And you just may like yourself much, much more, and even fall in love with yourself!

Program for Personal Storytelling

Settling in ten minutes of focusing and doodling
Ice-breaker and group contract
PROMISE: Be kind to yourself today

Creating chapters or phases of your life on provided circle template (at least 3 and
at the most 8). Give the chapters or phases names.
You will now receive prompts to answer specific questions in these broad
categories. The instructions or requests will be very specific, but they will include
some or all of the following (depending on the average age of the group). Other
prompts may be used and replace these below.
KEY EVENTS OF YOUR LIFE (An important conversation, an experience like an accident or
prize, trauma, victory, breakthrough, illness, meeting new people, losing people)
Peak Nadir Turning points Thinking differently about yourself
Early years and memories
Parents and gene pool
Dreams in childhood years
Ideals as teenagers
School years and experience
First love and/or first deep friendship
Worst experience ever why
Best experience ever why
Strong turning point and firm decision?
Becoming an adult
Other scenes (e.g. challenges, greatest negative, great positive
Most important themes (songs, stories, films, books, persons)
The name of your lifes book
SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE
FUTURE SCRIPT
CORE CHARACTERISTICS words for how you live your life (worried, anxious, carefree,
excited, hiding, angry, fighting)
PERSONAL IDEOLOGY AND VALUES
LIFE THEME: I am the loser or gypsy or life of the party or lucky one or disappointment or
loved one or accepted or not good enough or
WHAT NAME WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF?
HOW ARE YOU SIMILAR AND HOW ARE YOU UNIQUE TO OTHERS?
RELATIONSHIPS
PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE OR FUTURE

This short, packed workshop will be one of the best things you can do for yourself. You will
also get some divine carrot-cake, lunch and good coffee

Please note that the workshop is limited to 10 people.

I hope to see you there.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/08/life-stories-narrative-psychologyredemption-mental-health/400796/
https://www.ted.com/talks/dave_isay_everyone_around_you_has_a_story_the_world_need
s_to_hear