teach Cn ont le har he Ch Pe
sot Chie ir aoe Cg Ou Te Ra
stern
Disney
‘acer shar dye Ma
Sige 500
spats 00
Spo sn 0
enim
‘anders ondandlngn i US. co ogni one
tale maroon eros ng rs mal st
ta can ne pen GS Fro erin he US
‘Scat ally taal eer Ora ache omen Sa
Intent Masi we cognac tnged lp
contents
Steve Atwowo
“The ll of Lina Gorter J 350
cunts Bactrars
Like Dyan Newport
(one bare
Dead Fad ME / 28
‘Serra Coane
Kamlor the Astonomer J 95
Ley Cons
Incognito 53
Ccarruns Honnoces
Embodied / 36
Seon Anaamson
Curse Tablet tthe Therma Syl 241
Anon Bate
MyMetile J 22
New Country 35,
Ameats Crown
ant tar | 120
‘Blind Woman Walks Barefoot in Raa (121
Loi Axe Coven
‘tration J 177
Daughter Dreaming Tornado J 8
no ne Nioxo
‘hey Are Most Home / 199
cnEmbodied
In this, say one handred and twenty seventh ie, am employed ae
an iteraladitoe with Wells Fargo. liven Des Moines, low, na
whit three beom house. have husband named Murray, asx
‘months ag Thc a baby son named Jacob dot have hin anymore.
Murtays good with kids. He teaches the Fourth grade. He’ the
only anon tf at Halse Elementary apart from the gym tscher
‘nd the janitor, 0 he ges fused over ea tll he ke it i
he lonely. wert the alley Currcaurn Night with Murray this
pst spring, just to be suport, to look atthe projects hs stents
had been workingon. They were the same ones he assigns every eae
the spores ia pastel, che informational posters on native bed
species, the puppets of Hariet Tubman, Matthew Henson, Martin
Lather King J fr Black History Month sat up oat at Murray
deskwhile he talked to the parents, telling them aout the curricula
ifr te owt grace yar ad the upcoming low standardized
‘cational arament tess started showing ant made people
tender with me, They offered me seats, brought me fait punch in
as
‘Mr, Rankin so good withthe children” they said. “Mle mast be
swe”
‘The parents were polite tn me, ht stat, to, ike was breeding
something on Mucrys bel. Sil i always nice to se someone
you cae for complimented ecogrized given plies of cookies and
‘Arian vicki orange plastic pos, At home ovr windowsills are
‘rowed with Afican wees, ny purple Bowers and thick azzy
‘een leaves. Ill thom deliberately. IFT di’ the whole house
‘woud ll up with them.
"Isityour fis?” the pacts asked, and nodded
In fact, over 127 lives Ive been pregnant something lke 200
maybe az times The number get litle hazy. But | gare new
‘what to expect Wel decided to xy fora baby and ' potten peg
‘an quickly. The Bit few weeks, we were oth excited But when
‘was sick nthe mornngs when my belly seized aroun self around
the hil, could fal hat somthing wae wrong,
‘There were a few kids at Curriculum Night, even chough they
werent supposed tbe there. Thee parent si they couldn find
tubysters. The kids were bouncing of the wal, ul of fru punch
sugar cookies, and Murray finally mde them go standout nthe
‘ul He dds let thom back in una hel parents were read tlre.
‘When he opened the door, the kids shot back, untepentant, and
knocked over throe childs He plastic chr and a desk.
“Yoni sine yn want ne?” Cased, anon my bly. he was ety
enough chat I was tl hoping one of those dys he might just ay no
and we eal eal the whole hing of
‘Ours wll be diferent" he sat, lacking his classcotn dor behind
us, We heed ou othe paring ot. Weleda few block fon the
schoo, but i vas ely spade weather was ues, 0 we'd
taken my car
“Is that wha all eachrs "Mine wil edict
Mine wil be different
You ay that now
“Cmsure be diferent. very kid in my lass, ve wanted to pitch
‘em out the window some day o other. You have to remind yourself
‘hat you just cam doit you tell yours care about ther, ook:
ing forward to having id tht I don Bave c emind myself no
want to do some damage tn,
"And if we end up with hello?”
"Well love anyway, We won havea choice, Well be parents
mati alfeton:
Murray was eight about one thing: We doit have a choice. The
Dear hates who hates.
1 dort have aot of experience with hated, ell, Resignation,
pethaps. Reincaration is defintely Ison in socioeconomic. Ie
bben aristocracy exactly two times out of ate hundred and twenty
seven. The rest ofthe tie, I've beea here shoveling shit with
‘xyone else, Here In Towa, the year 2005, Lau living, objective.
the est ie of my existence snot ha I'm comparing the ie of
Certified Internal Auditor wih timslting evenings conversing in
‘Mme. de Std celebrated son in the Maris im comparing todying in childbieth, working Someone elses and, getting smallpox
nd ype an cholera and malaria and dengue fever. A good ofc
Job sn something you us throw aay.
‘Arai note, one of my tuna among the royals wasn 1396, wht
[wasone of nin princes of Gora, exactly five bundsed and five
yeursbelore de country was annered by Rossa. Al nine of us were
named David Melnik, David the King. le got confusing. Calnelden
tally Melnik sao ehe name of town in northern Bohemia, where
In acorn life my fawly made wine. We had beautiful vineyards
and adscort existence, and my patents were very apet wha! we
‘off tofight withthe Husstes wasnt aware of his fe wel cent,
‘wher Lorna, ftom work, went thete on vacation and showed her
‘hotes around the break room during lunch, She'd been toa church
econted entirely in bones:a bone chandelier a Bone ala, bove ca
elas, anda display of skulle smashed and shot thro during
the Fuse wars, One skull was mine the second from the eft on
the bottom sel. loked dusty. dont know what it was tt fl
familar even Ive never seen my own kl hep tating at the pho
tegraph, boing up the rotation, photos stacking upto my righ an
Nickand Garrison, to yl, cwidling hee thas over phot of
Loon ly faci his boxers on a hte akon
‘re you okay?” Locna asked
nines and I passed the plture on tock. et goof the
only evidene I eve Rave that that yellowed, brite bam of bone
‘sed nb me, that when the musket ball ill me wth an expose,
sudden pressure, | wa «young ma named Voja who would never
‘own snejard, who would never sep with woman, who Would not
rectve the rewanl he expected rom the ol he fought fo.
Tartan ds say anything tern the break ron oto Loe
aud dfictely at to Nick or Gatrzcn, Thaw how sounds Give me
credit fora sense of self preersation, fm an at project leader in
{he aie sidwester region feof the largest nancial insti
tion hesdgparerd in the western US. have plans Wells Fargo.
in ating for tafe o corporate headguarters in San Francisco
within the next ive years Thies hoon sli sas Ft,
squted up and said Ike my Q4 intel auto the personaFbanking
Avision, Wee all tain Use lives out Bain ws, deageing them
slong ikea dress ran or a tll ra jet plume. Im jut one of the ew
‘who see then
As lives go, this on okay. Des Moines isn't nde Paris,
(0 O1 Kingdom Cairo, bt ehere's enough odo, and growing up I
‘ious Falls would make about anywheve lok ike someplace woth
spennga few decades. Anyery, t's not realy as confusing 3 your
ink, being ee one hundced ard swenty seventh version of oursel,
"remember my other lives the way {emember that I need o buy
snk onthe way home frm work, ot pay the water Bil oe cll my
father on his birthday Thy qui, the hackgroued, tle hash
of white noise, eth ea na shel this, ve seen the se nly
once a family vacation to Fords | think people fom dy places
lack a certain respect foe the ocean Ive known these ailing
thing. ve been 3 Fisherman, several times, Once a whaler, once a
lam diggs an once alien which dove for able, When I died,
el a widow and thre chile, te tid of whom did a ve
ont know what it was out hi, ry son who dove fr abalone with
tne and slept eros the room in ou hose by the sa, bu lilt
lowe hi, ad it shard meth be knew.
"Muctay" Tsai couple of week ltr Cttculm Night. He was
lying onthe couch, watching the History Channel, He was lt
of edcatonl shows loki for hing heean show nis carom,
1 font fve or sety minutes. We hve ples of bank tapes on tp of
the television, soe can pop one in something looks promising, 1
‘alld in Font of hin, st 0 the oc abe
‘What isthe si,
dest fel ihc” Tsai "fe strange" hl my hands over
‘ny belly he swell of stil stl aud ow between my hip bones.
“What do you meand” he asked,
1 sai. ft sounded spd, ke Pd seen
Rosemary: aby nce tno often, but Toul think of any ater way
‘w-explanit. Ive spoken a hundred and nine diferent anguages, and
"hace through al the ite and plece ould remember of them,
jus ave a ein
‘uci was Uke when Ig back my mind as fa as ean: These’
cave, and lot of grunting, and had thoughts auld hin be
ase didnt have the woes. Tilia have the tng, heap that
"needed o pronounce words in Tagalog of Swahli,or Od Proven,‘which was quite new at the time [spoke o English 1 give Engl
scan an overall sae of dic esa muh easier language to
raster than we ket thik,
‘Murray opened his mouth and shut ta few ines ke «Ssh and
could tell he was searching though the ane language he'd ever
learned tof the ight ching to sy," Whe your sext appointment
wth Dr. Lyons?” he asked
tna waek
"You should tll her. You should ask her shout it." Murray was
frightened, telling him bachied on mee wanted so badly to
ative nothing was wrong tit ade him dismisive wanted his
pity and is pani, an I vanted rescue od him was ramping.
told hen was poting just erifed him so badly he was desperate
to stay ignorant he wanted to wait out until the next scheduled
appointment, uni the ultrasound, He sa coud call ny ObGyn iF
really wanted, But what would tll er That a been pregnant
Tuned of times, ad this was different than ay of tern? That 1
as choking on my own bay chat was growing something in myself
ould eel atthe bck of my tres, and it made meek?
111 could have told anyone, it would have been Muay, He knows
shout moter lives, not all hundred a went sau them, not the
nity rey decals, bu that they there, tht remember thing no
fone else does and that perhaps noone should They make me tied
‘when I think abou them to long. Bone tired ike when yout to
caused to sleep only when fel that way it worse bese 1 doe
now if ever get sleep. if we ever get to stop, or fe ust goon
focever- I dont bbive in nirvana 1 dont think we ever ge gh
I dnt Fee any wiser than Teli that cave scares me hat that
might mean, that there night nt be any sop tt no punishment or
praise ra obo,
Mursay doesn mind that dont goto charch within think he
26 ext attention frm the ladies: How sad that your wife lecpsin
tm Sundays, that takes her a ep of calc and two ston uf te
paper (frontpage and Arts and Lasse) tobe cv. Muay am Epis
‘pai asyay, and if did decide to tart going to church again,
it wouldnt be to S. Andrews. They ust Catholics with mo pope,
and dd di fr five separate fats just ten ao and tend
church that exiss only because some Engh king wanted to trade
‘upon wives. In thse Tas sed a Methodit [didn't mind iat
the time. As aid was jst ving the one life, only ware of having
8 years unde my belt nt 5000-0. yore counting, that rocks
‘ut tan average fe expetaney ove 127 lives, af about 40, When f
think that Ta oly year short ft ight ron thes put things
ln perspective
The routine ulrasmnd was edad for eighteen weeks. The baby
‘quickened at severtcen and | inched every time {elt it move, just
aller shive, He pickles on Ue back of your neck, except that
icwas inside me aad it wa hateful to mie ad thete was no way to
‘make it stop. held thing inside mye that fl heavy ad coos,
‘hat waned desperately to be rid of, Howto say tht I was hoping
fora monster? Far something lines, hoples, o damaged no oe
‘woul ask ne to carry Iwo tem, to ty tise. would have been
arelieFto ind out tha ny dred was prescient, hat thd a source
and solcon. Bathe was fine—two arms, wo legs, tt inger, ten
toes one ead wit ae moth and one nave ad tw ees stil Fused
shut. He armed outo be ae, everything where should be. Muay
vas ecstatic, 0 reloved Talos thought he'd kel oversight there
inthe examining sm, and waited to gto him but I as Ma on
ny back, my belly vere i goo an my baby pulsing tere on the
screen in lack aid white,
He insisted we o out to dinner, to cleat. He oreted wine for
hitnselfand thou lad a me guy.
"Goad. "ou deseveit Ive been making you so nervous,
allover nothing”
"Not nothing” e sad, “L know youve been feling rotten. t's
‘not that T dont think you hav. leas such lle, That the bby’
heaehy™
“Tne he same way 1d, which possibly the second
bigest ie Tevet im,
urea ed thename fen, aI didnt dst i “Are you ste?
hmeaske. "You dont seem thleJac’. The sevice was low and 1 fl and aver
bas atthe sme tne ate mot ofthe bread ad got crumbs all over
the tablecloth. I esented being so hungry, reented thatthe Bead 1
‘te was beg used to yrow something that sapped me hike a parasite,
"I doeait have to be cob, Did you know an obuouious facob?
Like Teale eee name my sun Pal. Thore was this horvble kid
when I wasn fh grade; he ws such bly. Pd understand”
There sere tobe nathing Murcay was net willing to understand
eanade him scem les intligen, ike he was so much making ab
Fowances for pose uu olay wa ee dial in
‘he ist place. ls a unfair thing, Kiss making people out tobe
dumber haa they ae
‘cob’ ine!
“Are you thinking of Jacobs Lrom— befor? From other lies?”
1c the only one who ean sy Ung like that and make them
svn natural who an ven say them with straight face ve never
we if es jst humoring me not, ihe aly believes me or ast
Finds ny other qualities compelling enough to makeup fa ny beng
kusoral fe ike should bother me more han it des, ot know
‘ng f my husband secretly thinks i xay. Maybe I dont mind be
ase hop tres fon him, to sch asthe fc at ee way ave
him is almost he exact same way {loved ay wife in China, i 103
pas the exams to enter government service, nd had to go see
district official inthe prvinctl capital to be assigned pot diet
ow where the est of my if would take place, and it frightened
re Bt ry parents were very proud, and they helped arange a mar
riage th gi who was soem but pretty. We had fve children, and
they looked jas like somebedy ad taken half of me and half of ber
and ante ther un hey balanced exactly. We enjoyed cach hers
ommpany and dil not expect moe than ie ws key to provide. Our
luppines might have boon matter of managed expectation, bt it
vr el
Te never tok Mutsy becuse F dot want oft hi, to ply
‘hat ny Jove for hi i ecyled. Because Uehink maybe he eclly
oes belowe me and I dont want co repay his tus with reconst
tuted lve. Besides, fin not sre he'd understand the dstinton, that
don’ think be ey wie, encaeated, just that he reminds me of
het Theres s big aillrece. I dot know who he used tobe; he's 2
su Ive never enenuntered and while makes him an unknown
«quantity, ita thing co be patful flo. 1's hornible tose someone
sin recognize who they were befor and then be unable to ace who
they ae ow, to sett to the Ina way thats oof my conto, that
2s nothing odo with this fe tony happened once o twice, but
that was enh. ad to gui ny works jb in callege Bec
ry boss tured oto be someone Filed. The deals were fuzzy,
‘hat the gui was arp and ovrwhsing I couldn ce the Dining,
Service Superior wh signed ff nay tne cad st
Ue oak pain an disbai
sien,
aco fine with
told Mrrythat night at he wstaurant afer
the ultrasound. “WB
Murray battered the nt piece of bread! aud ptt on the plate in
front of me, "You should pck the mle nan he id
“rl hink of something" Isai Jesbsomething Rankin. Wi be
good name”
ve known fot of Jacobs Yao worked in the tanneries tn oe
ind wore pai bight yellow sbaes he'd dyed hime was uly
‘work, nd he was considered unclean fr doing it The fames fom
the dyes were turuing away is lrg, but we didnt know. Our sons
‘went tothe tanneries when they wae grown and Tin gad noe of us
‘etstond tht would il emt. The name wasn dhe prble,
161 inched st the samt of thore ve knoven before, Y'never be
le te eck st anyone straight. 3a theta having a nae a all,
mae the feeling worse Jacob got bigger and would hick me, hard ash
onstnt a spiteful, and Muzray would a, "Feel that" Thad a
‘lice "Fel wha powell id hating to be:
(One evening when Muray was ut, Jaco was thrashing ike mad.
{eri to drat yall to ead bok watch TV. [wanted Marray
to come ore, bt knew i wok be ti late. The second Saturday
every mith, he went ort lends house wo ply poker. Murray
pew mp around bere, and his rene atest ends fom high choo
‘hey’ good guys, but they teat hn badly sometines—maybe be
cane he’s the one wha wen tocol eg, who works i 3 school, whooes oh womex do, who ha a wife making more than be docs ad
‘who lives inthe nicest house af any of them because of. They gang,
‘upon im, make sure he leave the table with less money thaa he
started with, no mater which of chem ends up with Tey think he
oesit know but he does and plays with them anyway.
Jheab ape onkicking me, and nally Tht hie back, ted yp my
shire and slapped ny belly, hard, several mes I shouted a the baby
te sop, told him that hated him, and eventually he went stil. 1
managed to rae mel, wile sme above my el ip wa
“stupid. Marray sw it and asked that had happened, I told hin 1
da tied anything and be ealde me tobe cael
In the stat of towa, abortions after the tells week are techy
‘banned thoogh he In was declared nconstitiona] in 3999, Pos
wally abortios ate really ga, with wait assumed o begin
toward the end the second trimester. row eau researched
CCosvorkers wood bring ltl things by my office, a malin fom the
‘akery ea Loe ordered fr the break room, or ld bby thes that
(Gaeion had fond in hishasement and hong might want, id
bd to nimi iteret winds
Thanks Yoate 0 though, ooking athe tt of the
screen to make sue the page tides wer soretlg ike "Reproductive
Health," or “ows State La and not “Hen to Get Rid of Your aby
“Thee Kindness was a danger, something that threstened ound te
hoger.
1 wonder if bel remember being other people” Mucray sud one
morning slow an sep twas Saturday, nd we were ln bed
always slepe ca my back before ap dda shop so well ow that
{had icon mv sie It wasone ofthe mements that mace me think
he believed ma that he oak on faith evrything I'd ever sid about
any other lives, dia’ think head tn him to ait me, co ty t0
raw me out Me that if he didnt believe
“did't remember right away Tesi. I had taken me until the
spring of my hid grade ya, The big fads tht yar were sap bracelet
fn demon posaton. The bracelets were Ht tis of neon plate
‘hat called around your wrist when yo lapped them to your skin. The
demon possession fd started wien Amber Novotny, the mest popalae
lin che tied grade, had a grad nl sie daring at las. She fl
‘er stool, knocking her watercolors tothe Noo. Yogurt ups ile
‘vith ity water spill and pooled around her head as she thease
and hen hy stl. tas on of the most amazing thing Pd ever sen,
Later that day during recess, one of Amber best frends, maybe
‘worried that Amber eplepsy would be considered distinct uncoal
{old tiling tale the demon struggling fr Amber’ soul trying
totake up residence i he skin, to unerap al er bray presents
Aneta the led thease lay Amer had en fighting bravely,
tng the demon in unsung sence was marvelous and hori
‘ng Weall wanted one, a demon of eur on, to nate and invent long
takes of strug aginst. Daring recess we would standin circles and
recount these tales to each eter and, when the playground super
sr backs were une drop evitching to the gras.
‘When itcame time to mame my own demon, desribe its endish
desgns.on my immortal soul, my answer care aly swift and unex
‘pected asked myself who eae night be living in my skin, and there
she was, the fist one [ emenbered, She was ramed Sally old he
ther children, and they groaned Sally was no name fora demon, but
she wasnt one. She was an English woman, born 795 thief and,
lthough I didi ealz atthe tea prostate. Lhd noida what
tomake ofher menaiesofasuceson of men, the way they hel her
and ped inside her. She was transported to Sydney in 815,
wonder i ave descendants i Asc, and i do, if they lve
somewhere seni, Ihave fantasies of taking a Toundthe-wodd erp
someday, staying oe rein the homes fall he people rated to,
respensblefor all the people who would note aliveon earth a this
prsen moment without me's tof people a ast some of wom
presumably liven atracive places. But there’ no way task them.
love track of al the poople loved or bated rhs knew infeenty.
dont know what happens to them, what kids of ives they goon to
Tea coulda ell dat morning f Muetay Wanted Jacob o zemon
ber, Phe thong ha sone special gene and was heping that was
orunant instead of ees, think he's jealous of me someties
that Ive experienced so much, He dace listen when {try to expla
‘hat al es missing out om sheartache.Jacob Alan Rankin was born by scheduled cesarean in the forty
second work 1 had to haves cesitean becase the birth presentation
seat abrech—not et St but knee st, kel, fab as i
Front his chest nd his hands pressed together ik he was praying
These day ifthe ultascurd shows a breech presentation alter the
thint-second wee, the obstetricians schedule cesarean, no quer
‘ne shed, Vaginal bec ith is coneldeed dangerous beauze yo
hon non until the bodys ou if he head wail eto the pli.
sas taped that way once my body Baiting and my esd tuk inside
ry mater {ded hat way, mute with me, cheat wk a Tong,
tune. fe eer meet again fT recognize he, Pry oid some way
toapelogie Fd ved that ie, | woud ave been boy
Fapickod Alan because I iid it, purelya mater of aesthetics,
ok of bad asain. Fal grown so angry with the ld, want
‘ogi hima name fcaed or. He ase peefec-Noclaws, no fangs,
soles. ince he haat hd o squeeze through the bith cana, his
oad was ail ses round e stood out the nursery om all
‘there faced cone ead bsbes. A wornn from La Leche Lage ve
rea lsson on tress feeding which did eed. nat women (ho
nce do not have a udked diferent words for snow ony
rome sing twenty to) wed to rested ther hldren up the
ageoffve.Icreatesa powerful mother hi bond, Pesaps too pone
‘ful. My second son neve looked fora wif, but seemed conten
stay by me, Lapprciate his lp, butt made me wonder iT done
somthing wong that had sted him, shrunk his ie and ied him
too cel tome. Jacob not nursing wah a lacko pope technique
Pops be cold taste the biterness in ne, how Twa recognising
‘who be was, patting a name anda face tothe hate Thad when he
wa nsde me, looked at him now: seen who he sed tbe
“ee need to be dear on something: dont rn around swearing
senguance, Revenge e about stisaction, biti als aout restoring
bales, andl think thats somthing tht enough ving went 8,
the estat thene'any bance tobe restored, Lave never expected
justi ayo my hurdeed and tentysc the lives, and Te been
righeno fo, Ive been done wzong plenty of time ad done pleny of
‘wrong myself could singe someting cat and ay, That wast that
was the Wott Thing that was the one thing I couldn forgive, this
\wouldll make alt more sense. But an, sols pase fora inate
te lay aside al he microbes, the bce and the views. Weil ay
aside the cancer andthe sutoimmsne diseases and the genetic de
fects l he worst surprises de bay springs onl, Well lay aide
‘lack of food ar water or sheler or warmth Well lyase od age
‘There's no way ta make them answer, Well ay ede any nonsentient|
Killers animals who snapped er mae oe yore we a of fe, They
Ue. Lt uy anid he dea in bi, Ue ayns
elie: wh id mein, The anonymous babls fied trying to birth,
[None ft was personal
‘Sommthing thit was personal: Iwas drowned once, as cil 1
can remember when where, and I'm not even sure why remem
bert dont remember infancy sual. But} remember Being held
tinder the water by ry rote, pt dow lke an alma. Lon know
‘wha she was a ry she di But I always knew tha f he esmne
ach 1 recogaized he, woud be able o forge her.
The body igs. hat’ what Lemember most fom aiff spent in
serfdom, working seythe ehh wheat. The what was igh above
‘ur heads and we mod carcflly ina atten cutting inthe same
Thython a few paces apart (got turned around somehow inthe Bold
and when [swung the lade omy righ, hie my neighbors high, he
Femoral tery. an by the tae I pressed my hands against the cu,
his pants were already wet with hood. nerber the vay the Hood
‘ame inthe sare yt ass le, his heat Beating hs own life
‘owt His ings seized fr ale, He would nt go. haew Fle hin,
ard wished he'd bury that his body would not igh so had Bot he
body in an snimal thing and dows nt know how wo surendee.
‘nina’ body fights quietly. acd’ Ife was co new, perhaps he
did't know he had anything ole, na way be dd, because there
was, and three was, the old soul the bands that had eld me
under. verytng that mattered about me had survived hit, and he
‘would survive me. He would become soieone elie’ chld, and ths
‘bbrvited if thistle mistake, woul be bein im. hoped he
‘would come bck inthe developed word somewhere, where he couldgo toschool and eat well not ety. dit wish miseries om him,
igure thie would make ws even.
Tn thecriba lac banket, age stuf bear, a cow that sid moo
‘ven yn squeezed thoght abou the bes, hen took one of the
pillows from the ster bedoon, from my sid ofthe Bed, aot Mu
‘ys vould do that to im, lis posse tat Iaeab never woke
Some infants suffocate themselves against their own matress; the
‘ln s 30 undeveloped, will starve without rosing the body. Pee
haps hed wake ad wonder why the weld no longer prone the
things ee Ue iy laichod fr. In any case be did
move: Heidi Thee wete no mf cre. The mines were
sland silent, and there was no sdicatlan tha is rai was star
Ing, his ngs laugay ls hear shivering at erratic a nll fai
lng Whea it was oer, [put the pillow back on my bed. bras my
teeth pulled on ay nighigown, and we to deep
‘Murray was at his poker game. {knew when he came home he'd
Took inom ace, not so mich o check upon bi as jst to aie
hi, fe! his own ert l,l the rsh you get fom looking at
2 eld you love blplessh- Murray would be the one t inhi.
oul think ow ese 1o doit oven though the eu of seemed
oomous, even to me, He woke me up shouting my name then a
fobs then nine gan. alld gt while Mura peed Jaco chest,
‘ith two fingers breathed into his mouth, When got off the poe,
T puta hand on Jacobs arm, It es coal, and ied 19 make Murray
stop, bathe wou Hist, Th parame came aed wok Jacob out
totheambulanc inthe driveway. They else the dots behind them
and dia’ come ou for several minates~for show I eink, or ust
‘geting themselves ceady to break the news, The weal ha to wait
forthe medical examine to come, the police and the police photog:
aphers. put on ap of cof
Fielded the questions. about how ' put aco to ep cms back,
ot his stomach, How I hada noticed anything wrong with him,
“They tok photographs ofthe bedroom, the en, Mow the matress
‘wae the right size ad voles: bow there weren't too many blankets,
crillows cot animals, how there wasn anything anybody could
Point to that wed done wrong, The medical examiner took Jacob’
‘ody away for an atopy. The fice telephoned a ew hours ater to
sy they could release the body oak us where we wanted it set
picked funeral hme ot ofthe ello pages. was moxaingby that
time, bat Murray was il iting on the couch, a mug of old coffee
om the table in fot of him, He'd barely mowed,
‘Other relevant ats: hat impossible o distinguish atopy
betwen Side Infne Death Syndrome aad accidental or deliberate
sulfation with sl objec. That the possality of such sufocaton
‘Should only be investigated f the pares lve had previous infants
dic under the sae clcumstances, ofboth ofa set of twins have
‘ed, That inal other ares, the patent hos be treated with every
‘ouresy and considttion for the siddennesf tei ls, the depth
tof thor gia! the nearassuredaes of ther innocence. Tha his
tras another webpage 4 tninimived at werk when the Director of
Internal Auditing exe nto tall vo me abaut my upeoming mater
nity leave, That the sal, so body | grewinsde myself eurned out
tobe infected witha soul I could not keep. Tha I coulda do, and
that Foo there ate no words ins ofa unded and nine diferent
Ianguagesto defend nyc.
Murray ri has layed me, He lings to he fact that it a sorow
we con share, that wee united i Ui tereble sadness. Hr makes me
Fee gly, ys, but alo ase fork, bers he has no idea how
ale he sy the weight ofthe yo eves yhimsel.T igh with
‘ell and dont know how tbe with henanymoce Tn pitt the
tone, and whee touches tc is hands ane ike salt Wall ean do
tole beside him when we sep. Murray sys he's ready or another
baby and Tn tf with same, We're both back at work now. We've
ben out to the movies ta dines, Muay vent to. basketball game
with soe fends lst week, eho esl wl go pay poker. Soon
Toone know what to tel him. eat say ve ure him ina now,
freakish way away I never rt anybody i fve thousand yeaes, and
the nding ard to match the wrongve done him tothe prac
tice ove Tha fr hin bor, that tl hve for him,
Tan ell him Fed, assumed, thatacob wa an slated i
cident, bt that the worl’ getting crowded. In remembering too
tnuch The boy wi works Sunday afternoms at the del counter a
Safeway, wh slow with the at slice, ike hes got all day—T'verealizdT remember bn. The Pakistani woman who ows the Stop
1 Goup the sree. The new weatherman onthe Channel 4 news.
reeopalzing more and more. They fine tom, and sometines
‘nis them and someciones hate cher, ant scare ne. La ttl
‘them that we Baked nick side by side for twenty year, indentured,
an invented secrets to tll each ater to make the work go faster
‘That Jo not loge them for taking two more wives after me. That
oved the way they sang or that I vas nypeesed with ow well hey
cul tack an animal. ean tll Mucray I haven recognized him
yet hat Tok hi and ai at sce Mire that Ts esd
famed that wont be ve,
Wshaed for me to ep my mind on things a work Ta bean i
ternal ator, you hive to sign a contact proms that youl dem
onstrate "professional skeptics” Tin trying tam, But Ike when
"im eng over some say accounts, and behind the one ae of nut
ber ca se what eft uni 1 can se the different breakdowns,
Alert scenario, diferent versions of events, whats den by the
stesgatfaced statisti. Ws an aul thing, olive in a word thats
conticting, backing upon itself ike a high pileup snot place
"understand. I wonder iit would hlp to gt out of Des Mines.
Should eoncentate on my carer fora while start applying for expo
rat tansfers. Wed probaly have 1 pu off another bby. some:
thing trun by Murty
‘Ons thing: My dreams ave stayed pescefal. They of dally things.
No dats, no bets, no reincarnation. im wandering yp and down
the ade of the grocery store with no lit show up a wot, ad ve
sgotanalgebra exam. mon stage, and Tv orgoten mines Classics.
‘The ol makedinfrotofwcrowd thing As far ae know thats never
actualy happened to anybody, atleast nt any a the one hundred
aad twenty seven anyboiesUve been, es something, Is confor.
‘Curse Tablet at the Thermae Sylla
While you were leaning back against be coo ledge
ofthe bathhonse pol, while each bulb of you ttened ad sl
along the cnt of the ils, the gods were massing against you
Teas only
because somone had rogustd it ofthe, sme will
th more alsrity than yours which had caved ts impression
into the white lopes ofthe heasens, hough formless even now
to your pereption, contrary to your design, braver by far
than the whims of your ition —
4 ruth hat brome and remsine only tobe Ofte, such births
eth toppling in Ue waterworks
‘hot doesnt fal. othe capsized hollow af aferry to Edipsos
‘Wat neat sels sound your ces dhe ods are amased o think
yon ave not yet Bean oisten, Forget tei no that
yo should wonder, insted, whether you are
scking the wrong questions Cold it be dhe curse ofthe fir?
The benevolent? The wise? Pehaps
you have avays been to careful and circumspection —
the wanderhs of strangers
‘he dark whittngs of bloodlat—
wil presently
ring you low, es tones to sy what ie weitien
shout yu snot 3 gent: ee merely dialogue betwen odds,
ach af which hopes, time to find he fvor of you
‘oc the ones who ate you