Discovering Body Language: For Your Eyes Only

Copyright © 2024 by Alan Elangovan.

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CONTENTS

Introduction to Discovering Body Language

Chapter 1     The 5 basic Objectives of learning Body Language

Chapter 2     Historical View

Chapter 3     Is Body Language Important?

Chapter 4     What Makes a Body Talk

Chapter 5     What are Body Language Roles?

Chapter 6     Knowing the BRAIN

Chapter 7     Learn how to read the Message Clusters

Chapter 8     What are the Core Patterns in Body Language

Chapter 9     Parts of The Body & Their Movements

Chapter 10   Proxemics (Space & Distance)

Chapter 11   Emotions & Expressions

Chapter 12   Facial Expression

Chapter 13   The Eyes Are Your Soul Mate

Chapter 14   Haptic Communication or Body Contact

Chapter 15   Appearance

Chapter 16   Cultural Body Language

Chapter 17   Sound & the Way of Talking

Chapter 18   Deceptive Body Language

Chapter 19   The Power of Convincing using Body Language

Chapter 20   The Power of Negotiating using Body Language

Chapter 21   The Power of Investigation using Body Language

Chapter 22   How to Interpret Body Language Accurately

Chapter 23   Using Body Language in Different Stages in Life

Chapter 24   Man, vs Woman vs Transgender Body Language

Chapter 25   Avoid Negative Body Language

Conclusion

References

About Author

Introduction to Discovering

Body Language

As important as body language is, a lot of people seem to be oblivious of its workings. Not having an adequate knowledge on the functionality of a concept means that you will not be able to maximize all that it holds for you. This is somewhat unfortunate as you risk losing a lot of things. Then, the question I normally ask people is: Why should you lose out on an important concept in destiny that does not take you much to understand? Without an iota of exaggeration, it is pertinent to state that body language interpretation is central to our destiny. That is, it relates to all that we do daily.

Before going too far, let me give a basic explanation of what body language is. Body language is also known as non-verbal communication. It is a means of communication that does not involve verbal utterances; it involves the use of body parts and other clues to communicate our deepest intents. This means that it is the ‘unsaid said’ messages in people’s utterances. In other words, non-verbal communication has to do with the silent messages that are solely communicated with the use of body parts. That is why someone postulated that body language interpretation has to do with understanding the unsaid. This means that until you can rightly read meanings to people’s gestures, then you have no knowledge of body language. This is a great challenge to every reader of this book, and I want you to take it as such. But to help you get started seamlessly, I have earlier written a book titled Encyclopedia of Body Language to help you interpret body language gestures in an informed manner.

However, this does not mean that you should be superficial about it or put yourself under unnecessary pressure. That is one of the Achilles heels of people. This has caused a segment of society to believe that there is nothing scientific about body language—they believe that people only read superficial meanings to body gestures. Well, for the fact that some people are doing a particular thing wrongly does not invalidate the correctness of that particular thing. Reading through this book will convince you that body language has both universal and contextual connotations and can be explained at all times in scientific terms. In fact, this is the basic focus of this book. It is written in simple, basic, and conventional language to demonstrate the potency of concept.

There are numerous reasons why people are unable to read the body gestures of their co-interlocutors and one of them is the superficial veil covering their mind. A sentimental mind-set is equivalent to a poisoned one. Such people believe the many lies they were fed in their childhood. To properly decode body language, you must be objective minded.

Further, you must look beyond the surface level; do not swallow what you are being fed hook, line and sinker. If you do not cross-check what another person is telling you by listening to their body language, then you tend to miss the real intentions behind those utterances. The world is now full of deceits and falsehood and that is why you should not just believe anything you are told. This does not mean you should become paranoid overnight, but you must sharpen your inner eyes to see beyond what people want you to see.

Also, another reason why people are unable to accurately read body language gestures is due to their biasness; a lot of people are bias to obvious things. They interpret body gestures with subjective views. Even when it is obvious that the interpretation they are giving is not right, they will still go ahead to stick and work with it. A fundamental virtue that is required in the proper interpretation of body language gestures is objectivity—be objective and practical about what you see per time.

The Power of Body Language

How it relates to every human:

Body language is central to human existence, and it is indispensable in all that we do; once there is an interaction, then body language will definitely feature therein. This is a fact that should never elude us in our relationship with people. Since we are social beings, we should know how important communication is to us. However, without adequate understanding and interpretations of what another person tells you, communication has not taken place. In my walk-in life, I have seen people misinterpret what someone tells them several times. This is a rather pitiable situation, especially when you are the victim of misinterpretation.

Due to misunderstanding of co-interlocutors, countless relationships have turned sour, life-transforming business opportunities have been missed and a lot of homes broken. On the other hand, those who have believed what another person told them dogmatically now have themselves to blame. A common denominator of the two situations is regret. To stop such avoidable sour psychological state of mind, we must sharpen our knowledge of non-verbal communication. Decoding people’s body language rightly tells you how to relate with them and if they are worth walking and working with. In short, body language means the entire universe to all that understand it.

Body language is more reliable than verbal expressions:

Body language is very potent and there is no how we can discuss this concept without mentioning its role in our daily affairs. If you want to embark on a truth-finding adventure, then you need to take this into cognizance. Human beings are used to lying. Even though falsehood is not a natural order in the world, we have aligned ourselves to it so much to the extent that we breathe it in everything we say. In other words, people are deceptive and even the person that you will ordinarily think cannot tell lies to you will do that with ease.

We are selfish as humans, and this means that we can do just anything to save ourselves from shame. That is why people tell lies. Also, the battle for survival has forced people into the trade of deception. The bottom line of this is that no human is reliable, and we cannot work solely based on the verbal utterances of our co-interlocutor. Since a lot of people have no power over their non-verbal gestures, then it is worth taking note of what their body is saying. Is it expressing something different from what they are saying? (Does it sound funny or suspicious? Does it trigger your brain to re-look into the message?) Once there is a point of divergence, then what their body language says is worth going with; it unconsciously expresses their heart intents and ‘exposes’ their secrets to you. I don’t need to listen to you to know your motives—it’s all written over you. That is how powerful body language is!

When people use it and for what:

I have answered numerous questions on this, and I will reiterate the same response I have always given them in this book too: the application of body language knowledge is not a part-time thing; it is central to our being. Once there is a conversation taking place, then body language is in full action already. It is pertinent to state this because some people erroneously believe that taking note of the non-verbal gestures of their co-interlocutors should only be done when they have business deals or other professional engagements. It should come to you effortlessly if you have truly committed it to heart. The fact is that we develop Body Language before we develop speech, and the Body can be tiny but can cause excess violence. Paying attention to things that matter but seem trivial at the surface level can set you apart in all your life endeavors.

And then, on the question of what for, body language is used to safeguard us; it protects you from falling prey of the pranks of evildoers. When someone is feeding you with lies, you will easily know and then retract your steps from holding business deals with the person. Also, there are people that would have been saved from untimely death but never paid attention to those they were dealing with. You can read situations too and make informed decisions on what the moves of people are.

It makes us understand the impacts of non-verbal communication:

The impact of body language is limitless and the only thing we need to do is to broaden our mind so as to make it assimilate as much as possible. As said earlier, there is no situation in this world where body language is not catered for. What is important is our ability to figure out how we are being affected by the situation in which we find ourselves all the time. Your being able to rightly interpret body language cues will put you ahead of others. It is pertinent to understudy people before breaking any form of relationship with them.

I need to state this so as to make it clear that for you to feel the real impact of body language, it must be taken into cognizance from the start of a conversation. This means that you will not go astray in your relationship with the person concerned. Being able to rightly interpret body language cues tells you what your boundaries with a person are.

For example, a politician will have to understand the feelings of his listeners to know if they are committed to listening to him or bored. He has to respect their opinion or else, lose their respect and this is what no politician wants to do.

It dominates every conversation:

American Psychologist, Professor Mehrabian did extensive research into this subject matter and affirmed that body language communication is indeed the domineering factor in every communicative context. She gave the 55%, 38% & 7% code to simply her explanation. 55% is given to body language while 38% captures vocal utterances and a paltry 7% for verbal utterances. This tells you how important and indispensable non-verbal communication is.

In order to have a practical and more domesticated knowledge on this subject matter, I will give a simpler and more direct explanation of the actions thus:

Non-Verbal: This has to do with movements of the body during communication. It is the reaction of the body to what is being said or listened to. Our gestures, postures, and movement of the parts of the body are all non-verbal communication. In short, we can say that non-verbal communication is action-based communication.

Vocal: This deals with sound, tone, volume, pitch, silence, and speed of speech of people. It is seen as the secondary form of non-verbal communication. When we talk, the vocal action reveals our feelings through the sound, pitch, and speed of our speech. You can ascertain whether someone is either fearful or courageous. Is the person truthful or deceptive? You just pay attention to their vocal action!

Verbal: They are the words that we directly utter while discussing. While most of our actions and reactions are impulse-driven, words can always be chosen to suit our purpose. Except in rare cases, our diction is chosen to reflect what we want people to know about us and not what should be said at that given point in time. That is why it is most risky to base our assumptions based on verbal utterances alone.

As such, we have this formula for deriving meaning in all communicative context:

Non-Verbal (55%) + Vocal (38%) = Body Language. That is, 93% of meaning in communication comes from body language. This meaning is ideal, reliable, and tenable. That is, we hardly have power to influence the manner in which our body language should be publicly portrayed at all times.

Verbal (7%) = Verbal Language. Verbal utterances have a paltry 7% contribution to meaning in conversation. This means that we will still derive meanings and understand what people are saying by merely listening to their body language.

It is pertinent for me to state that this is how it will be addressed in this book.

In fact, a lot of scholars do add that vocal utterance is part of body language (as rightly explained above), at least, it is a non-verbal communication. (That means, total 93% of communication is non-verbal and only 7% contains words, which most of us are interested in listening. Why we fail to see is because we want to listen). For us to understand the intents of people at all times, we must learn how to listen to their body language rather than their verbal utterances because that is where real meaning is domiciled. If you can interpret body language gestures in an informed manner, then you can hardly fall victim of deceptions or fraud.

The countenance and zeal of a person, coupled with the tone of their voice tells you what they feel about the topic under discussion. This means that except when you allow yourself to be deceived by verbal utterances, you can always understand people through other means. It is time that we started to change the focus of our conversations; we need to look beyond what we are used to and tap into the realm of what we were supposed to operate in.

The reason for display of ignorance:

Until there is discovery, there cannot be recovery and that is where a lot of people are trapped. That is, too many people are yet to discover what non-verbal communication is all about. According to body language scholar, Paul Ekman, in a ten-minute conversation, an average human being tells lies three times. You can now imagine what will happen in a conversation with much duration. If you play ignorance, people will surely take you for a ride. Further, none of us can deny the fact that we have had causes to lie to people sometime in the time past. Perhaps, you were too excited that you managed to play on the person’s intelligence that you forgot to ruminate over the consequences of your action.

A lot of people ignore the glaring and subtle signs of body language because they seem to be too comfortable with the 7% verbal utterances. This is rather pitiable and unexpected. The fact is that whenever you ignore the non-verbal cues of the person you are conversing with; it is as good as ignoring the whole essence of the conversation. You need to give in room for subtle doubts and consider different ways that the person might want to render you useless with their lips. You might not challenge them, but you know that something is wrong, and this will let you wear the armor of protection and patience.

Those you are concerned about body language:

There is hardly any successful person that is not concerned about the non-verbal gestures of those they are dealing with. Most times, when I hear people say I do not know how successful people think; I did not know how he got to know my intention despite all my efforts, among others, I smile and shake my head at their ignorance. Successful people do not leave anything to chances. Everything counts and they take note of all things, most especially, the unsaid. Right from the beginning of a conversation, they want to be certain if you are either for them or not.

According to Carol Goman (2018), Trust is established through a perfect alignment between what is being said and the body language that accompanies it. This tells you how important the understanding of this concept is to the business world. Goman furthers that When leaders don’t use gestures correctly (if they let their hands hang limply to the side or clasp their hands in front of their bodies in the classic fig leaf position), it suggests they have no emotional investment in the issues or are not convinced about the point they’re trying to make. Conviction is the foundation of every great endeavor.

How body language is used for success:

Again, there is no way that body language cannot be used for success. Once you have any engagement, then you can apply it to ensure there is a desirable outcome. Like in the case of businessmen considered in the preceding paragraph, they use body language to understand their business partners and gauge the person’s feelings. If they consider the person deceptive, then they will not transact any business with him or her.

Also, politicians use this to understand the electorate and their team members. If they consider a member as not being trustworthy, they will rather not appoint them into sensitive positions. Salesmen also rely on body language to understand their clients; a client’s non-verbal response will determine the price they will mention for him or her. So also, you can use this concept in your private life and get mouth-watering outcome.

Chapter 1

The 5 basic Objectives of

learning Body Language

Description

It is pertinent that you know the reasons why we have decided to discuss this topic at this point in time. The entire book is based on body language, a subject matter that has been subjected to all manner of controversies. In order for us to get the intended value, then we need to get things right from the outset. A poorly defined purpose will lead to poorly executed projects. For this book, such an error would not be allowed to happen. To discover body language, you must have clear-cut objectives of learning it. Hence, in this chapter, you are going to know the objectives of learning body language. From my experience with people from different walks of life, I have come to discover that a lot of people are so myopic about this concept. That is, they do not know the extent to which body language is powerful.

If you want to win in every area of life, you have to understand body language well. This is because there is no aspect that it is not applicable to. Even when we seem to be oblivious of it, body language is still working underneath. Just like I have maintained in different forums, your best option is to learn body language and master it thoroughly so that it will not be used against you in any way. Once you are highly knowledgeable about this concept, it becomes very difficult for anyone to tweak it against you. The fundamental objective of learning body language is to be informed. Anyone who is not informed would be deformed. Body language is the first mode of communication and even after the introduction of verbal communication system, we still cannot relegate it to the backwoods. In fact, it has become the most important communication determining factor in all contexts.

The purpose of this chapter is to help you set your heart right because there are many things to learn in this book but when you are not adequately prepared for it, it would catch you unawares. If you are ready to learn body language, you have to first purge yourself of the erroneous thoughts, assumptions, and messages you have read about the concept. Once you have emptied your heart, then you are ready to receive. Here, you will learn how body language can prepare you for great success in life. Unknown to many, they are kept in the low radar of life due to lack of adequate knowledge of body language. When they should have reacted and understood the intents of their co-interlocutors, they played sheepishly into an evil game scheme. Well, for deciding to purchase this book and read it, let me congratulate you because a new dawn is here!

It is also crucial to note that this topic is a very balanced one; it does not only focus on your co-interlocutors but also on you. That is, to elicit the right body language gestures from people, you must also do the right thing. Sometimes, many of us give out the wrong signals and expect our co-discussants to reply with the right gestures. This is a wrong expectation. So, all the maladies would be corrected in this chapter as you will better understand reasons why you need the knowledge of body language.

1. Why Do People Need to Explain?

People must know how to explain BL in order to apply correctly.

This is the basic objective of understanding body language. If you have no understanding of it, there is now how you can apply it rightly. I do tell my circle of friends and those who care to listen that I am a born teacher. Many of them are always taken aback with how I say this with pride because there is nowhere in the world where a teacher is part of the richest in society. Well, they are ignorant of my reasons—I so much believe in why and how and until you understand the why concept, there is no how you can answer the how question. Now, if we bring it to body language, you will see the reason why you need to explain the concept first before you begin to talk about its application. This means that you do not want to put the cart before the horse.

Without mincing words, a lot of people do not know how to explain body language gestures. While many are glaringly ignorant of it, those who claim to know something about it becloud their explanations with superstitious beliefs, thereby rendering all useless. For body language to be rightly explained, there is a need to understand it from the scientific and practical point of view. This is exactly what I did in my rarest book, the Encyclopedia of Body Language—it x-rays the fundamentals of body language as it occurs in an average discussion. With that, you can masterfully say which is which. The bottom line of all these is that you first need to know how to explain all the nuggets of body language before talking about application. In fact, once you know it, then application comes easily; it flows from the inside. All that I have sermonized in this segment is that you should seek knowledge first and be distinguished in it before thinking of what to do with it.

Need to give strong room for conviction of the concept:

If I tell you about something and expect you to believe everything without giving you the opportunity to ruminate on it, then I have only imposed my idea on you and that is what many people do; once they have the knowledge of a concept, instead of them to explain the concept to people and allow them digest it by themselves so as to make meanings from it on their own, they believe in their own superior argument. This has got many homes and organizations damaged. Before something can be believed, there is a need to get such a thing well explained first. Everyone must make meaning out of it. This will give room for robust argument and exchange of ideas.

Even though a lot of people see me as a figure of authority in the field of non-verbal communication, I relate with my students and participants during seminars as equals. I know this is the best way to impart knowledge into them. Also, I will get them to speak their mind and raise objections on salient issues they disagree with. This is the beauty of knowledge. It does not only make my class interactive; it also ensures that the students speak out freely. It is at this point that I get to correct most misconceptions they carry about and sometimes, learn from them. No one is an island of knowledge and there is no point in life where you should shut your heart against the opportunity to learn.

Improve performance:

The overall aim of learning this concept is to ensure there is an improvement. If you read through the pages of this book and there is no improvement, then your aim of buying this book has not been fulfilled. I am a goal-driven person; even if I am to take a class of 31 people and after teaching, 30 of them got what I taught but one seemed to be missing out, I would still teach the last person because there is now how I would be happy. A vital virtue that I need to preach here is patience.

A lot of people are not patient enough; when they buy a book like this, instead of them reading it from the beginning and having a background knowledge of what it is all about, they will jump to the aspects they thought is relevant for them. This is wrong. As a trainer, there is surely a reason why I took pains to give you all the necessary explanations—it is to buttress your knowledge of the entire concept and until you know it, you will definitely not fare well in all the other aspects. The ultimate aim of every trainer is to see that his trainees improve fairly and get themselves weaponized. With that primary aim achieved, then other issues can come up and be expertly handled!

As a way of buttressing your understanding, I will share a few examples on the need to explain body language.

Example I: If a politician is addressing someone and the person is shivering, if the politician does not understand the underlying causes of the shiver, he may wrongly assume that the person is probably nervous or afraid of his personality, but this might not be the case. Perhaps, the person is cold, or they are witnessing some internal psychological issues other than the thoughts of the politician. If the politician does not take context into cognizance or even try to find out the cause of the non-verbal display and decide to work with the wrong assumption, this means he would end up with nothing.

Example II: When a salesperson sees a prospective client frowning and assumes that the person is doing that as a reaction to the price mentioned, this means that the salesperson may be forced to reduce the price. Perhaps, the person is frowning because he is pained that he does not have the exact amount mentioned but wants to have it by all means. If the salesman had understood the frown and then, pester on, the client might be forced to think of other sources to get the money so as to purchase the item. In this instance, the loser is the salesman who does not have a vast knowledge of non-verbal gestures. So, it is pertinent that you understand the functionalities of the gestures before reading meanings to them.

2. Why people need to Predict?

Understand the intention:

There is a need to predict body language gestures of people in order to understand the intents of their brain. Some people think that it is out of order to guess what the body language of their co-interlocutor is saying. Ideally, once you begin to speak with someone, then you need to activate your body language senses—you should start taking note of the non-verbal moves of the person. When you do not lose sight of the happenings within a conversation, when things are about to get out of hands, you will know what to do. Those who are ‘caught unawares’ are those who neglected all red flags at every point of an incident and eventually got trapped. When you do this, it is like intentionally giving yourself out to the enemy to torture. There is nothing bad in predicting the non-verbal gestures of people; it makes you informed about their original thoughts towards you. When you allow yourself to be deceived by verbal utterances that are mostly controlled by humans, then you are intentionally losing the game.

I need to tell you that there is no one in the world who is indifferent about something that interests them. And as humans, we are naturally selfish; we will never support something that does not hold promises of great things for us. There are just few sacrificial people that can forgo things to ensure your happiness. The point I am making here is that people’s intentions towards you are either bad or good. If you can understand the body language of your co-interlocutor, then you are in a safe position. If the person meant evil, you could safeguard yourself and if the person had good intentions, then you can open your arms to them through mirroring of their gestures. The basis of this segment is straightforward—predicting people’s thoughts via their non-verbal gestures gives a summary of their intentions towards you.

Impress others like friends, family, or organization:

This is another reason why you need to predict the non-verbal gestures of people. There are times that you will get a one-chance life-transforming opportunity and if you fail to maximize it, you will have yourself to blame till death. I want you to be serious about understanding this concept as it distinguishes you in life in all that you. The level of your success determines how far you have mastered this concept. I earlier recounted how Chief Executives master body language. My relationship with many of them across industries has revealed a lot of things about them to me; they are inexplicably smart and look beyond the ordinary while conversing with you. He or she knows how risky it is to transact business with someone that is not trustworthy. The porosity of the world also cautions for caution so as not to let out the secrets of their organization to someone that aims to harm them.

When you have an apt understanding of body language, you will know the gesture to display per time. Another secret I need to tell you is that although people might not take cognizance of their non-verbal gestures but when you display positive body language, they definitely know—they will tell you that they don’t know what is endearing them to you. This means there is communication in the realm of the subconscious. When you impress people through the use of body language, there is virtually anything that you will ask them to do, and they will decline. Those we refer to as natural leaders are those who have a vast mastery of the use of body language. That is why politicians are conscious of what their body language says per time—they want to impress their audience with their body language. If you want to command respect without opening your mouth, then learn how to make use of your body. Right display of body language signals is one of the most powerful weapons of leadership.

Identify deception:

Further, it is pertinent to decode what the body language of people are saying so as to know if they are worthy of transacting business with or not. The world is so defective that almost everyone is looking for a compromised way of reaching their goal. This means you need to be on guard. When you allow deceitful people to manipulate you because of your ignorance to body language cues, then you will have yourself to blame. Even though people do not express their deceptive intents with their mouth anytime they are planning it, their body will definitely tell you that something is cooking up. During negotiation with a salesman, his body language can tell you whether he is saying the truth or deceiving you. If you can cross the boundaries, then you will be a master of the game.

Identify fraud:

Just like deception, you can identify fraud through non-verbal communication. It is pertinent to let you know that before fraud takes place, it would have been played out in the person’s body. Fraudulent people are always anxious to carry out their ill intentions but try as much as possible to hide their feelings so that you don’t know what they are planning against you. Fraudsters are always after making bigger gains than they deserve; they enjoy selling falsehood as the truth and making you see a dead idea as one that can be implemented. If you want to detect fraud before it happens, then you need to pay closer attention to the body language of those you converse with. Let me conclude by saying that you should not trust people or be selective in your interpretations. Sometimes, those we thought of as being reliable happen to be the most fraudulent.

We don’t want to be cheated:

And this is the ultimate reason why we need to predict or read meanings to people’s body gestures. I have never come across anyone who wants to be cheated or trampled on; anytime we are cheated, we appear foolish and that is what the cheater has made of us—anyone who succeeds in cheating us is definitely wiser than we are. If you don’t want to be cheated, then you must understand how to understand people through their body language.

Example 1: If a salesman is telling you how good a product is and goes as far as telling you that he has personally used the product, but you observe that the point of giving his personal testimony, he disconnects his face, eye contact and sounds unconvincing, this is evidence that he didn’t use the product. In other words, everything he has told you about the product is unreliable and if you dare go with it, then it is at your detriment!

Example 2: If a lawyer is advocating a case in the court, the opposing lawyer must pay due attention to all that he says and his body language reaction to know if he is being deceptive at any point in time. At any point his body language fails to match with his words, then you know he is being mean with the truth. During cross-examinations too, lawyers use this technique to know the point at which their subjects fail to tell the truth. For instance, if the person being cross-examined suddenly disconnects their eyes, looks nervously, and sounds incoherent at a point, this is a sure indication that something is wrong.

3. Why people need to Demonstrate?

Show their Intention:

After establishing the need to predict or read the body language of others, then it is pertinent to understand why body language is demonstrated. Again, remember that body language gestures are demonstrated by everyone—that is, by the speaker and the listener. When you are talking, you display some body language gestures and the person listening to you too lets out some signals. Ideally, you need to pay attention to yourself (to ensure that you are displaying the right gestures) and also take note of the gestures of your listener (to know their feeling concerning what you are saying). With that, whatever decision you make would be informed. If you are telling the truth, you do not need to bother yourself about your body language gestures; it will naturally emphasize what you are verbally communicating.

However, those who normally struggle with their body language are deceptive most times; they want to cover up their evil intents. The fundamental reason people display their body gestures is to show their intentions. Even when people try very hard not to display their body gestures, it is a message in itself. Hence, we can authoritatively assert that people display or demonstrate body language gestures because it is indispensable for them to do so. It was the first means of communication before the advent of verbal utterances.

So, there are no verbal expressions that can relegate it to the backwoods. If you want people to trust you and relate with you at all times, then make use of the appropriate body language! Once the war is won in the non-verbal realm, then every other thing becomes a walkover. On the other hand, if you want to understand the intents of people, pay close watch on their body language. That is the best way to have a discerning mind and stay afloat the shenanigans of the deceptive world. Let me conclude with these words on the marble: I don’t need to listen to you to know your motives—it’s all written over you.

To work Best:

For any system to work seamlessly, there must be sound communication and there is no how we talk about ideal communication without mentioning the right interpretations of body language. The reason I do encourage people not to hold anything back is to give room for trust and sustenance in relationships. When you demonstrate non-verbal cues, then there would be nothing holding back the system. Whenever people fail to fully demonstrate their feelings through body language, confusion arises and this births frustrations in the other person. That is why if someone asks you about such person, you respond angrily that ‘I don’t understand him.’ The reason why you seem not to understand the person is that he or she is not open.

If you are a manager, politician, salesman or whatever profession you find yourself in, do not allow people or circumstances to coerce you before you open up. With that, you will win the hearts of people easily and get them to do your bidding. You should not be tired of being true to yourself and those around you. When there is cohesion in terms of non-verbal understanding, then the foundation is laid for other things to be built on it. More so, as a leader figure, people will emulate whatever you do. Organizations and homes that work understand this secret and implement it in all their endeavors.

More efficient:

Another reason for the demonstration of body language is for greater efficiency and productivity. There is no harmonious and cooperative existence in many organizations today because their workforce does not understand what the right display of body language is all about. There are countless things that can be done easily once you get your body language right. For instance, you do not need to belabor yourself in explaining some important concepts; your body language should do the explanation while your mouth should simply do the emphasis. When you say that a system is efficient, things are done without rigor.

Improve organization image/reputation:

The image of your reputation is very critical in keeping it sustainable; once the reputation is damaged, there is nothing that can be done again. I understand that some organizations go as far as recruiting ambassadors to defend and uphold their image. Well, there is nothing wrong in this, but it is essential to stress that organizational reputation is not something that should be left at the mercies of some select people—everyone linked to the organization should uphold and raise high, its flag. And this is very simple; ensure that every member of your workforce demonstrates a high level of integrity through the rightful display of body gestures.

Remember that the voice informs, the body language confirms. For instance, there is a particular mall that I have vowed never to patronize again. The reason being that the attitude of their employees is not encouraging; although they offer me what I want but the attitude backing up the service is what I detest and there is nothing that can make me like it. Perhaps, I think most of the employees are frustrated and it is definitely telling on their relationship with customers and there is no how that can be hidden. I remember telling my daughters not to patronize the mall due to this lukewarm attitude. This invariably means that their reputation has been negatively affected and it would take them years to rebuild it. That is how powerful body language can be.

Example 1: A salesman is frustrated because he has been trying all day to make sales but to no avail. Eventually, a man shows, looks wealthy and responsible. As the man flashes a smile on him, the salesman returns it enthusiastically. His moody state changes immediately as he mirrors the body language of the potential client. This endears him further to the man and within few minutes, they agree on the price of the product. When the man is about to make payment, he can still see the expression on his face. He asks the salesman while he is super excited, and he opens up to him—how he hasn’t made any sales. The man becomes his long-term client.

Example 2: Teacher A has been working all day and it seems he is unusually tired today. The students noticed this in the last class he took as he does not crack jokes with them and engages them interactively as he is known to always do. However, when he sees a parent approaching his class from afar, he quickly changes his countenance as he does not want to look tired. He smiles at the parent and mirrors her body language until she departs the place. This is in a bid to positively showcase the image of the school.

4. Why people need to Respond?

Less risk to yourself or organization:

After demonstration of body language gestures is response. That is, there must be a reaction to every demonstration of non-verbal cues. Well, if you are wondering why, it is necessary to respond, I will take my time to get it explained in this segment. First, the response that we elicit is almost indispensable. I mean there is no how someone will say something to you, and you will not feel like responding. Even if you keep your intended response covered, there is still a part of you that communicates the hidden message. Remember that non-verbal response is based on impulse, and this means that whether you are ready to speak or not, the body reacts almost immediately.

Having known this, then there is a need for you to always respond in order to ensure that the appropriate gesture is let out per time. When you respond appropriately, you are doing yourself good; your co-interlocutor will not misunderstand you. Making your message clear, concise, and apt is one of the best ways to distinguish yourself. This means no one will misunderstand you. For those who are working at the organizational level, it is pertinent to note that beyond your verbal expressions, you must engage your body too; don’t be in haste to give people responses and walk out on them.

That is the beginning of an unbearable risk for your firm. When your message is well understood, then the first hurdle is passed! Note that in every conversation, especially one in which your integrity is under threat, saying you ‘don’t feel like responding’ is not an option. Your evasive attitude would be taken as pleading guilty. The more you are proactive, the lesser the risks that accrue to you. Let me leave you with this golden rule: If you want to prove you are the victim and not the victor, you must first change your language from voice language to body language. The foundation of winning big is doing the right thing; you must see things first in the realm of non-verbal language before you back it up with verbal responses.

Customer’s satisfaction:

In addition, it is fundamental that you learn the basics of body language if you want to satisfy your customers. You cannot just be evasive or not decisive about your responses to people; everyone transacting business with you wants to understand you—they want to leave your presence guessing what your response meant. People are already overburdened with issues of life, and you cannot add yours, especially when they are paying for the services you are rendering to them. If you aim at satisfying your customers, you must ensure that both your body and mouth communicate the same message. That is, there must not be contraction between the two. The best way to achieve this is to ensure that your feelings and thoughts align with each other.

Your Body Language Will Contradict Your Words If Your Thoughts and Feelings Are Contradicting With Your Words. When you do not struggle with the fact, then a lot of things will fall in the right places. The only virtue through which customers are retained is by being truthful and reliable. And fortunately, this commodity is not sold anywhere around the world; you need to demonstrate it and consistently stand by it. To demonstrate the truth, you cannot leave non-verbal gestures out. For instance, if a customer is approaching you for the first time, you need to welcome them with genuine smiles. Also, you must be enthusiastic towards their cause; this is a demonstration of genuine interest about their need. Listen to them intently and understand them well. All these are the appropriate non-verbal gestures that will win the heart of the person to you.

Safety for yourself:

In all, when you respond with the right body language cues, you mark yourself safe and become untouchable to the vices of the world. The fact that people will not misunderstand you is the first safety that you must drive at. It is a herculean job for you to explain yourself over and over again to the same person on the same issue—it is really frustrating and the best way to change the tide of things is to ensure that your response from the outset is right and apt. whether as an individual or working for an organization, it is not a good thing to be misunderstood—it will frustrate you and once you are frustrated, you lose interest in all things.

Hence, the first safety you should think of is psychological safety. If you are not psychologically disturbed by the behaviors of others, then you are still on the right lane. Also, if it is at the organizational level, when you elicit the right response, you are preventing your brand from being battered and negatively affected. Remember that the image and brand of your organization is not the physical structure but you—your behavior and relationship with clients. This means you must not do anything that will tarnish your image. When you understand this, there are numerous issues you would be saving yourself from.

Example 1: A man came to a mall to make some purchase. On getting there, he looked very exhausted and worn out. When he expressed himself on the kind of product he wanted to buy, the salesman first looked beyond the product and asked him if all was well with him. The man was super excited that the salesman noticed his tiredness and that alone endeared him to the seller. The man explained that his day was a bit tiring, and some other thoughts filled his mind throughout the day. When they started negotiation, it didn’t take long because a relationship has been established—there was empathy, and the man was also willing to agree to a price that pleased the salesman. This was made possible because the salesman responded appropriately to the body gestures of the man, and it paid off.

Example 2: There was a show at a club and a famous celebrity was billed to be there. So, the place was filled to the brim—the audience was expectant. However, while on his way to the show, the celebrity received a call that he slumped and was rushed to the hospital. Since he felt it was impossible to cancel the show, he still managed to be there. Despite trying to hide his feelings, he was still passive in his body language gestures—his vibes were not natural. Many of the audience lost interest as they did not see what they were expecting to see. It was after the whole show that many people got the news of what had happened behind the scenes.

5. Why do people need to Initiate?

Create rapport:

Anytime you create a sudden urge not to display your body language gestures as they come, then you need to sit back and think about its consequences. For you to assume that you are safe if you hide your body language is a ruse and myth; there is no how it would not haunt you on the long run. There are a lot of things that go into creating good rapport and when one of the most important aspects—non-verbal communication is neglected, then the entire communication system would crumble. This explains the reason why you find some people more interesting than others. For instance, if a person who is sincere, jovial, and straightforward engages in a discussion with you, you will also be at ease with them and that makes the conversation engaging. At the end of the day, you will feel fulfilled and happy. That is when you will unconsciously tell others how ‘free, funny and humane’ the person is.

On the other hand, if someone is hiding their body language, then they give you the extra duty of guessing what their thoughts are. This is an assignment that none of us wants to undertake. Leaders of thoughts, politicians, business moguls and private individuals do initiate body language because they want to create a rapport between themselves and their co-interlocutors. I want you to see body language demonstration as a movie or story-telling technique; when you take someone to the cinema to watch their favorite movie, you can imagine how happy and grateful they will be. In the same vein, you should not bore a person who is interested in your story—the more you display the appropriate body language gestures, the more the person becomes interested in what you are saying.

With this, they will believe that you are hiding nothing from them, and this will make him or her speak out generously too. In a business environment, this will make you seal deals with ease and in business and make you build worthwhile connections in your individual lives too. I have tested this several times and has proven to be unarguable. We must create a conducive atmosphere for discussions to take place if we desire progress in life. So, make body language one of your topmost priorities in every discourse context.

Show of confidence:

Another reason why body language is displayed is to show confidence. When people show that they are confident, others are drawn to them. The world is full of insecurities and people are looking for those with truthful minds to transact business with. Good enough, if you allow your body language to compensate for what you are saying, then you naturally display confidence; it requires no special skills. This means that confidence comes along with sincerity. I need to reiterate the fact that the foundation of every discourse is truthfulness. I have watched politicians over time and saw how they make use of their body language to aid what they are saying—they know that nobody will trust them or even take them seriously if they do not initiate confidence in their body language display.

When next you try to CONVINCE someone, make sure you CONVINCE them with your body language because our body language reinforces our thoughts and our own self-perception. When you speak with confidence, your body language must also be convincing. This is the best way to be perfect in your communication. When you display confidence with your body language, you become the center of attraction. This means you can easily convince people to follow your ideas, know your values and do your bidding. Imagine how things will come to you with ease—how you will seal business deals, make new friends, influence people’s opinions, and get whatever your heart desires from others.

Increased productivity:

Productivity is what we all desire in all our engagements. That is, we desire real results from all that we do. The best way to increase our level of productivity is through the rightful initiation of body language cues. There are a lot of things that you will not have to bother yourself on again. For instance, as a team lead, if you are enthusiastic about your job, there is a high probability that your subordinates will display the same behavior. Even without uttering a word, you have shown them how things should be done. If they follow suit or key into your guidelines, this means you will not have to belabor yourself doing some explanations. I have interacted with numerous employees on some of their motivations at work and a point that is always recurring is ‘attitude of their unit lead’. They said that the ‘positive vibes’ that their leader brings into the work environment is enough motivation for them. There was one particular case where an employee told me that his supervisor’s body language and smiling attitude to work was a great motivation for him.

Best practice:

Without mincing words, display of body language is just the standard best practice anywhere in the world. So, whether you want to achieve something substantial or not, you are naturally required to display the right body language at all times. Everybody might not know the right interpretation of body language but when you display the wrong one, they will unconsciously uncover this. You need to look beyond what you want per time to what should be done. That is why some people will tell you that ‘I knew you were being deceptive all through, even though I didn’t know what was exactly wrong.’ When someone tells you this, then you get to know that nothing about you is hidden. In the business and professional world, people are more concerned about what their body echoes to them.

Example: Supervisor GF called for a meeting and while speaking, he looked tired and disorganized. Just few minutes into the meeting, people began to murmur because they lost interest in what he was saying—he was not inspiring and that was unusual. When the supervisor discovered that he was fast losing the respect of his subordinates, he hurriedly called off the meeting. His body language displays negativity.

What some Experts say about Body Language

Before I end this chapter, let’s consider what experts in the field have to say. This is to solidify our knowledge and ensure that we are building on solid foundation upon which we can explore better. One thing that is common among all the experts I have read is that body language is the most important element in communication. In fact, Peter Drucker aptly puts it thus: The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. That is, you should listen to the inner mind of the person even when they are trying to be deceptive. Julius Fast also famously asserts that ‘actions speak louder than words.’ The action we are speaking about here is the action being acted through the body. Anytime you trust a person’s words than their action, then you should be ready to be taken for a ride by the person.

Joe Navarro, a world-leading and distinguished leader on body language has written so much on this subject matter. In the summary of his What Every Body Is Saying, Navarro notes thus: Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of communication between partners. This tells you that there is nowhere body language is not functional—whether in official or unofficial setting. Navarro explains that non-verbal communication dominates every discourse context. In short, it cannot be discarded in all that we do if we are truly desirous of meaningful discussions. Looking straight into the eye of a person and rightly guessing what they are thinking towards you is one of the best ways to lead one’s life.

Christopher Philip is another force to reckon with in the industry. As the author of Body Language, his contributions to body language reading cannot be overlooked. He describes body language gesture as a form of nonverbal communication or body language that produces specific messages and meaning. The message he is emphasizing here is that body language is specific; what is applicable in one situation may not hold water in another context. This is why it is crucial to understand the specific meaning and message intended to pass across before reacting. Apart from Philip, almost every other expert has explained the need to give recourse to context in understanding body language. It is essential for you to know that body language interpretation is not generic.

For instance, if someone is shivering, it is surely a negative body language display, but you need to understand the real reason behind this negative display of emotions—is it out of fear, anxiety, physical exhaustion, or hunger? In other words, there are a handful of things that can cause a person to shiver, and you should not be too hasty to make assertions that you will not be able to defend on the long run. According to Elbert Hubband, he who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words. In other words, we should make great efforts to understand people and their intentions before making conclusions about them. When you find it difficult to understand the unsaid words of people, you are more liable to misquote their verbal utterances. And this is the reason why there is confusion in the world.

Farouk Radwan is another great name in the industry and I so much like his quote on getting over someone as it relates to body language. He says that We fall in love with others to feel worthy, confident, to escape from pain, to feel good and for many other reasons except for loving the person himself. I want you to take the context as well as the reason for this assertion into cognizance in your analysis. First, on the reason, you will discover that we are driven by our non-verbal feelings—not our words. All over the world, people are driven by their inward feelings that are expressed through the body. There are times that you may have to use the mouth to communicate these feelings as a form of emphasis or to further convince the person. The fact is that before you approach someone, he or she has already known that you are nursing feelings