50 M BA E SSAYS

THAT WOR K E D
by

ADMISSIONADO

ADMISSIONADO GUIDE

Hello there!
Welcome to Admissionados Real Essays From The Field Volume One.
So youre applying to graduate school and, my my, youve chosen some of the
most selective, elite and hard-hitting top programs in the world. You feel you
can shine at these prestigious institutions and now (you cant believe it) youre
actually applying. Whoa.
Perhaps its a career change that has set you on this path. Youve been climbing
the ranks as a specialist at a premier financial institution for the better part of
a decade, directing millions of ducats where they belong, but you cant put
your dream on hold for another second. Youre ready to go full-time with your
blooming side business, to take your innovative web designs and start that IT
firm you know you can rock in your sleepif only you knew about day-to-day
operations management.
Perhaps youve taken over your grandfathers hotel chain and opened three
new luxury locations in the last five years across your native country. As the
growing companys heir, you want to harness all your new authority to
expand into new business areas with different concepts, using your resources
make the right choicesbut you find you lack the know-how to maximize your
margins and reposition for the future. You arent quite sure how much further
you can take it without applying the fundamentals of modern business.
Or perhaps as the rising star analyst at one of the worlds premier biometric
labs, you just executed the merger of a lifetime, leading the charge with work
ethic, techno-savvy, and sheer will. Youve gotten the attention of the CEO
who wants to make you the go-to mind for all major tech decisions. But first,
they need to you become a well-rounded executive, which means getting that
business-based education you always dreamed of.
Well, heres what we say: good for you! And at Admissionado we believe in
the power of the written word to help you get there. Or, as we like to call them,
a set of precision essays. After all, just about every business school in the
world, from Harvard to INSEAD to LBS, will require you to dust off your quill
and ink to pen together a coherent, interesting and convincing argument for
your candidacy. Youll be asked for statements of purpose, career assessments
and goals, personal narratives, and most importantly, clear examples of your
leadership skills in action. Gulp.

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Can you convince the admissions committee that you are one of the CEOs of
tomorrow? Will you impact the world with your leadership and leave it a better
place? Have you confronted failure and disappointment? Have you the ambition
to make your vision a reality, and are you organized and disciplined enough
to see it through? What have you done so far that should make anyone believe
you can even pull it off? Are you prepared to show me the money!? Indeed,
the time has come to put the answers to these questions and more on paper.
And thats where Admissionado comes in.
Youve taken the tests, gotten your scores, and picked your schools. Assuming
you are sharing similar credentials as the thousands of other applicants, how
do you set yourself apart? Whatever your particular reasoning is for getting an
MBA, its crucial that you play your cards as expertly as possible by presenting
essays that make a compelling case in an unforgettable way. After all, you may
not be the only stock market genius hoping to jump start an equity career.
Does all this seem daunting, if not impossible? Maybe the thought of writing
anything about yourself sends you into a cold sweat. Trust us, with a little
patience and good old-fashioned effort you, too, can be one of the thousands
heading off to a top-ten MBA program next year after impressing an admissions
committee with your story.
To prove it, weve put together this collection of real essays from applicants
who, once the dust settled, had their pick of top schools. As youll see, they
all have different careers and experiences. Some of these inspiring folks were
applying to U.S. schools from as far away as Seoul, Istanbul, or Rio De Janeiro.
In other cases, they were moving in the opposite direction, wanting to leave
American shores for Europe and beyond.
Nevertheless, after working with Admissionado, all were able to produce these
grade-A works even though, in several cases, English was their third or fourth
language in life. We helped these young go-getters take the raw material of
what they had and compress and polish it into a diamond. We worked with the
client to create an individual representation that cannot be copied or faked.
These were their stories, their ideas, and ultimately their accomplishment.
We poked and prodded them, strategized with them, and asked all manner
of probing questions. We gave them the tools to improve the clarity and
effectiveness of their writing. Together, we present you with the following essays
to read, essays that ultimately unlocked the school of their authors dreams....

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PART

LEADERSHIP AND
ACCOMPLISHMENTS

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In Part One, we take a look at what they did, how they did it, and how
they told it.
At work or at play, at home or abroad, they got their hands dirty, they
rolled up their sleeves and made something happen. They fixed something
broken. They created something never before seen. They followed a
dream, plugged a hole, or saved a life. They brought in truck loads of
dough. How did they lead that special something? What did they actually
DOya know, literally? With their hands and their mind and their time,
what actions were taken? If it was a personal achievement, what did it
entail in terms of effort? What tasks were required? What did it lead to?
The essays tend to maintain a strict focus on one topic in defined time
and space. Location is clear, duties are specific, schedules are clear
and compelling results are plentiful. They also took the time to set
up the problem. Or in other words, what was going wrong before
they stepped in. It is clear their worlds would have ended up in worse
condition had they not stepped up to the plate. And more often than not,
they strove to start the essays off with a bang.
Last but not least, MBA programs are looking for the leaders of tomorrow,
which means leading peoplenot projects, not products, but leading
PEOPLE to great things.

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Please describe a time when you took responsibility for

achieving an objective. (600 words)
$310 going once, $310 twice, $310 deal! Maam, this brand new VitaMix Juicer is yours! The crowd burst into applause.
It was a charity auction held in May 2008 in a shopping mall square of
Wagon Wheel, a Nasdaq-listed conglomerate which owns 20 shopping
malls in Texas. I was delighted as well, since as the co-organizer, I knew
this $310 meant two more families could reserve shelters: the homeless
who survived the 2008 Oklahoma Tornado, producing the nations most
devastating tornado damage in recorded history.
Two weeks before, ABC reported that storm refugees lacked temporary
shelters in the coming months, and that $2.76 million was needed to
temporarily house victims. This news came out like a bomb, since we
easily calculated that each familys spot would cost about $150.
After responding to several emergency alert requests, and collaborating
with representatives of FEMA and the Red Cross, I had signed up to
deliver some form of shelter to 50 families. But how to raise $10,400?
Eager to help, I had leapt before I had looked.
First, I contributed a percentage of my online business sales revenue in
May. I motivated my salespeople to close more orders by highlighting
the mission, hoping to inspire customers at the same time. However, since
our monthly revenue was only $83,000 at that time, I was still short of the
target.
I recalled charity auctions I had organized when I was a member of
League of Action at university. We collected pens, souvenirs, and even
bicycles from donors and attracted students to the auctions.
Then what to collect this time? Six years work experiences in electronics
industry provided me an idea immediately: why not solicit my customers
to donate their surplus products, usually dead stock in their warehouse?
Then I could hand these products to Armorside, where my cousin Rennata
was a regional manager in charge of four malls. I called Rennata and
excitedly told her my idea. Lets do it! she exclaimed.
In the following two weeks, my salesmen and I called all our customers
and successfully got 80+ electronic products such as wireless....

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PART

PERSONAL

E S S AY S/ S TAT E M E N T S

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Describe who you are on a personal level, away from the

workplace. (400 words)
Studies show that public speaking is the average persons #1 fear,
topping death at #5. I get that, since most people havent flirted with a
near-death experience.
My name is Matthew Lau. I nearly died of leukemia at age 10 and have
since worked hard battling for my well-being my life. Thats why I live
fully through three great loves: learning, family, and community.
My first love is learning. Growing up as an EFL speaker English as a
Fifth Language Ive learned cultures through communicating in different
languages. Today, Im just as comfortable speaking four Chinese dialects
as I am talkin country slang on a farm near my college town of Iowa
City, Iowa.
Ive ventured around the world and called six cities home. I always seek
to learn and experience as much as I can, wherever I find myself. I have
camped outside Wrigley Field to catch homerun balls, zip-lined across
Costa Rican forests, and captained a sailboat along a Mediterranean
coastline. In fact, Ive almost overcome my #1 fear of snakes. Almost.
My second love is family. Years ago, my mother uprooted our family from
Hunan to Berkeley seeking fresher air to help promote my remission. For
years, she labored to pay my medical bills. I worked throughout college
to afford my tuition but had yet to take care of her.
After graduation, I assumed her mortgage payments and took her to
explore the rest of China. We hiked the Great Wall. We basked in the
beauty of her favorite national park. We even meditated with monks as I
introduced her to my various spiritual philosophies.
My third love is community. Buddhism taught me to act on my compassion.
I gathered friends to raise $3,100 in the Ragbrai Bike-race for the 2008
Sichuan earthquake. I later raised $3,400 with a team in the Chicago
Marathon for nonprofit First Heart Magazine which channeled the money
to underfunded Asian charities. With breath came the freedom to make a
difference.
At HBS we will learn from each other inside and outside the classroom.
Wewill burn the midnight oil together preparing for our case....

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PART

ALL ABOUT THE SCHOOL

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Come take a tour of campus with us in Part Five, where clients display
their insider knowledge about the MBA program. The best versions of
this essay, sometimes part of the Career Essay, discuss actual classes
and teachers by name specific to a school. There should be clear
reasoning about WHY the applicant needs to work with these teachers
and professors, or what exactly they stand to gain from a specific course
offering.

Take every morsel of time you have before you submit to research
the school and show them youve done your homework. Show them
youre aware the basketball team went to the Final Four, that the World
Economics Curriculum is in its fifth year, or that studying from their campus
in Shanghai is exactly what you need to launch your online education
company.

Make them feel appreciated and admired for your goals, instead of just
another anonymous safety school on your list, and youll get further than
your competitors. But dont write them a love-letter full of flattery either.
They are more than aware of their ranking, prestige, and value. Instead,
make it more about how you will use that value to fulfill your own destiny.

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What steps have you taken to learn about the Berkeley

MBA program, and what factors have influenced your
decision to apply? (300 words)
I remember the three-page long email that Jillian Tyler (Haas 94),
a long-standing, and cherished client of mine, sent in response to my
questions about business school. She wrote passionately about her time
at Haas, highlighting its focus on technology and entrepreneurship, and
the collaborative, non-elitist community. I was sold on the school instantly.
Talking with current students Ryan Parker and Annie Pagel about their
experiences in weekly seminars on global technology hot-spots has
bolstered my interest in Haas.
Given my startup background and entrepreneurial ambition, an
environment that focuses on innovation, technology, and entrepreneurship
is ideal. Haas, with its proximity to the innovative San Francisco Bay
area, is in the best locale in the world for me.
Haass small class size will give me an opportunity to intimately know my
incredibly talented classmates and feel a sense of community. By leading
few of the 50+ student clubs, Ill learn a lot about leadership. Through
Peers@Haas and close interaction with the faculty and career coaches, I
stand to receive tremendous support.
Haas startups such as Carsala.com and Keyhole Inc. (known as Google
Earth today) are inspiring success stories. The fact that Haas startups such
as Leapfrog Enterprises recruit at Haas demonstrates the passion that
alumni have for the school. I would love to gain advice from other alumni
entrepreneurs, such as Tyler Elliston and John Hanke who launched
DeeperInk and SXD Music.
I have been excited about Berkeley for many years, that when my parents
made their first trip to the US last year, and I urged them to visit the
University. My Dad, a real stickler for top shelf education, was inspired
by his visit and signed Father of Rohit, Prospective student@Haas in the
Sather Tower guestbook....

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