MarQuesHa bAberS 93

i say, step back sisters. we’re rising from the dead

i say. step back johnnies. we’re dancing on our heads
i say. step back man. no mo hanging by a thread.
i say. step back world. can’t let it go unsaid.

Response Poem

You Said
Marquesha Babers

It was something in the way you walked . . .

Something in the way you talked . . .
I mean you didn’t quite give me butterflies
More like
Fireflies
Because every time you smiled I lit up.
But now every time I see your face,
I’m filled with disgust
And want to throw up.

All because August 16th, 2010 . . .

That day I told you I liked you . . .
I just wanted to know if you liked me too.

I just wanted to know if you were feeling what I was feeling

inside
But instead, I guess you thought it was a good day to make
me cry
So you replied,
I must be stupid or out of my mind.

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 94 Get Lit RisiNg

You said,
Maybe if I lost a little weight
But maybe not
Because I still can’t change my face
You said I’ll always look like this
And I’m not exactly model status.

I said,
You told me you would be there through any weather.
Now it’s pouring and storming
And you just ran off with my umbrella.
You said I must have fallen and bumped my head
You said I must be dreaming.

I said,
Then why does this feel like a nightmare?
I’m not scared, just more hurt than anything.

You said,
It might be better if I died and came back reincarnated
as a beauty queen
Because right now I’m “not doing too good with this beauty
thing,”

So I said I would pray and wish that I were made of lead

So I could erase and start over like you said.
But I’m not
So instead I tried being dead.
You were the reason for my third suicide attempt
To come back different.

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 MarQuesHa bAberS 95

But I’m already different

So to come back from being different would mean to come
back the same.
I said,
It’s strange
I heard people say everyone’s different

You said,
Stop
Stop making excuses to be useless.
You said the only reason people would be attracted to me is
Because of my breasts
And in the back of my mind I’m thinking,
Makes sense,
I mean
People have actually asked me my bra size
Before they asked me my name

So I said,
I’m going to start wearing hoodies to test this theory
To see if you couldn’t see my chest how many people would
come near me,
You said you would be willing to bet your whole life savings
on “zero.”
You said,
How many people do you know that want to be seen
Holding hands with the likes of you?
You said, “Zero.”
I had a reply in the back of my mind . . .
But I stayed silent.

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 96 Get Lit RisiNg

You didn’t know it but I was trying to think of a way

To kill you and get away with it.
I wondered if I dipped your face in acid
How many of my pretty-face, hot-body friends would date
you then . . .
I wanted to beat you until your own mother wouldn’t be
able to identify you
I wanted to show you what it felt like to be “zero.”

Like you said

How many people do you know that want to be seen with the
likes of you?
I WOULD BE WILLING TO BET “ZERO.”

But killing you or disorienting your face seemed like a

harsh way to go
So instead I said:
You are not nor will you ever be a real man
And you’re scared that you can’t handle me
So instead you talk down on me.
And you knew the extra pounds
Wasn’t fat
It was love
And you could never measure up to what I deserve.

So I spit acid rain

In the form of words
To mess up your facial expression
And teach you a lesson.
Like I said
I’m different

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 MarQuesHa bAberS 97

And the more I try to change

The more I remain the same.

So you can front like I’m not everything you need and want.
But when the money is gone and so are the girls,
Don’t try to come creeping back into my world,
Hiding behind bushes
Like I can’t see your shadow
Because I like to go deep-sea diving,
And you’re just
A little too . . .
Shallow.

Get Writing

Look in.

1. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to deal with?

2. When do you feel your childhood ended? Why? What happened?
3. Have you ever felt judged for how you look? How?
4. Is there a line from a song or story that means a lot to you? Why?
What is it?
5. Do you take a lot of time to get close to people or do you get close too
quickly? Why?

SHOUT out.

1. Is there anyone you’ve been having a conversation with in your head?

Talk back to them in a poem.

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