Death Studies

ISSN: 0748-1187 (Print) 1091-7683 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/udst20

RITUALS AND THE GRIEVING PROCESS

BRONNA D. ROMANOFF
To cite this article: BRONNA D. ROMANOFF (1998) RITUALS AND THE GRIEVING PROCESS,
Death Studies, 22:8, 697-711, DOI: 10.1080/074811898201227
To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/074811898201227

Published online: 11 Nov 2010.

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RITUA LS A ND THE GRIEVING PROCESS

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BRONNA D. ROMA NOFF and MA RION TERENZIO

The Sage Colleges, Troy, New York

C ultur al and psychotherapeutic rituals are designed to aid the bereaved in g rief
resolution. T his paper exam ines the f unction of f uner al and b ereavement rituals in
contemporary W estern society and considers the relationship b etw een rituals and
complicated and disenf ranchis ed grief . A new m odel f or the use of rituals in psy chotherapy w ith the bereaved that emphasiz es intrapsychic and psychosocial processes is
described . R ituals are presented as vehicles f or transf ormation and conne ction as
w ell as the m ore comm only recogniz ed transition.

While all cultures have funeral and bereavement rituals that

mark the nality of death and prescribe socially supported mourning behaviors, there is great diversity among such practices ( Irish,
Lundquist, & Nelsen, 1993 ; Rosenblatt, 1996 ; Rosenblatt, Walsh,
& Jackson, 1976) . In the United States for example, there are no
nationally prescribed mourning rituals, and ambiguity surrounds
``proper mourning behavior ( Bolton & Camp, 1987) . Popular
American culture seems dominated by the modernist model of
minimizing and deritualizing bereavement practices ( Klass, Silverman, & Nickman, 1996 ; McGoldrick et al., 1991) . When bereavement rituals are used, they are most often used to facilitate
relinquishing of relationships and transition to a new social role
( Rando, 1993) . While transition rituals may be appropriate in
R eceiv ed 31 J u ly 1997 ; a ccep ted 2 J an ua ry 1998.
P ort ions of th is m a nu scrip t w ere p resen ted a t the 1997 A n nua l M eet ing of the A m eric a n
O rt h op sy chia tric A ssocia tion, T oron to, C an ad a, a nd the 1995 A n nua l M eet ing of the
N ort h am erica n A ssoc iation of M ast er s in P sy cholog y, Da llas, T ex a s. Bot h au thors con trib ut ed eq u ally to th e a rt icle.
A ddress corresp on dence to Bron na D . R om a no , Div ision of P sy ch olog y, Th e Sa ge C olleges, T roy , N ew Y ork 12180. E -m ail : rom a nb @ sag e.ed u .

Dea th Stu dies, 22 : 697 711, 1998

C op yrig ht 1998 T ay lor & F ra ncis
0748-11 87 / 98 $12.00 1 .00

697

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

some cases to facilitate grief resolution, the focus on transition

alone seems to shift the grieving process away from assisting people
to maintain an appropriate connection to the deceased ( Silverman
& Klass, 1996) . The e ectiveness of transition rituals may be compromised if the bereavement process does not encompass a transformation phase, or recasting of the mourners sense of self in
relation to the deceased. It is our intent in this paper to discuss the
function of the bereavement process and the use of rituals, and to
present a model that explicates the factors involved in successful
grief resolution.
The Purpose of Rituals

Rituals are cultural devices that facilitate the preservation of social

order and provide ways to comprehend the complex and contradictory aspects of human existence within a given societal context.
Rituals pattern our life and our life cycle ( Kollar, 1989) , providing
order and stability to the group while marking change ( Turner,
1969) . The distinguishing characteristics of rituals, and their
power, are contained in the use of symbols within a performance
framework. The performance may be either privately or publicly
enacted. The content of the symbols may be condensed versions of
private emotionally charged material or contain societally constructed meanings.
Rituals provide a vehicle for the expression and containment of
strong emotions ; their repetitive and prescribed nature eases feelings of anxiety and impotence ( Myerho , 1982 ; Sche , 1979) and
provides structure and order at times of chaos and disorder. It has
been suggested that these characteristics of rituals may function as
healing properties ( Imber-Black, 1991 ; Rando, 1985) . Funeral
rituals contain these healing functions ( Jacobs, 1992) .
Funeral rituals are symbolic enactments that provide meaningful and affirming experiences for the bereaved. Funeral rituals
mediate the transition of the deceased from life to death, and
mediate the transition of the bereaved from one social status to
another ( Pine, 1989) . They provide opportunities for the public
display of grief, structures for the delimitation of grief, vehicles for
affirming the relationship of the deceased to the community, and

R ituals and G rieving

699

the continuity of the community in his or her absence ( Fulton,

1988) . During this time of transition, members of the social group
tend to the bereaved in an outpouring of human support that transcends social status ( Turner, 1969) . Postfuneral bereavement
rituals, while rare in American culture ( McGoldrick et al., 1991) ,
provide structure to the grieving and full incorporation into a new
social status ( Goldberg, 1981) .
Bereavement rituals have deteriorated in meaning in our society
( Fulton, 1988) , which has led to insufficient grieving and inadequate resolution of grief ( Bolton & Camp, 1987) . Too often,
bereavement rituals are one-time events that fail to acknowledge
grieving as a process that occurs over time. The enactment of
funeral and bereavement rituals in contemporary American
culture is often inauthentic, a hollow and rigid practice, devoid of
an opportunity for genuine healing ( Imber-Black, 1991 ; Myerho ,
1982) . This may be, in part, a result of the lack of social responses
to circumstances in which the death experience violates social
norms ( i.e., unexpected deaths, death of children, and suicide) ,
and/ or to the lack of social recognition a orded the pre- and/ or
post-death status of the mourner ( i.e., homosexual lovers, mistresses, ex-spouses) . Rituals that do not take such death circumstances into account cannot be e ective healing agents.
There are two central issues to consider when addressing the
e ectiveness of bereavement rituals. The rst is that rituals should
deal with the experience of the mourner, and the second is that the
use of bereavement rituals should be expanded to include all
phases of the bereavment process. There are three necessary
dimensions of the bereavement process : the intrapsychic, the psychosocial, and the communal. Successful resolution of bereavement
requires ( a) moderation or transformation of the persons sense of
self resulting from loss, occurring in the intrapsychic dimension ;
( b) mediation or transition between the individuals pre-death and
post-death social status, the psychosocial dimension ; and ( c) continuation of an intrapsychic connection with the deceased within a
communal context. Rituals can serve moderating, mediating, and
connecting functions within the bereavement process, and thus
facilitate the intrapsychic transformation, the psychosocial status
transition, and the continuation of communal and symbolic
connections.

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

The Process of Transformation

Although the notion of transformation in grieving has been

addressed in the literature, such ndings have rarely been incorporated in theory ( e.g., Silverman & Klass, 1996) and the context of
transformation has not been addressed. A contextual foundation is
needed to fully understand the bereavement process. In this sense,
transformation can be seen as the recasting of the intrapsychic elements of a person into a new existence that contains those meaningful components of his or her pre-death identity and status as
de ned by the relationship with the deceased. To recast means to
be able to unite and mold, in a symbolic act, the signi cance of the
deceased within the intrapsychic life of the mourner. The self is
recast as a result of the loss of the attachment gure to contain
elements of the attachment gure and the relationship. The transformation may be one of identi cation ( Engel, 1961 ; Parkes, 1987 ;
Rando, 1993) , modi cation of personal constructs ( Wood eld &
Viney, 1985) , or inner representations ( Klass, 1996a ; Klass &
Marwit, 1989) . I nner representation, as de ned by Klass ( 1996a) ,
involves an actualization process in which the bereaved individual
symbolically bonds with the deceased through characterizations,
memories, and their associated a ective attributes. The bereaved
will note a continuing sense of the deceased s presence and continuing relatedness with the deceased in his or her intrapsychic life
( Schuchter & Zisook, 1993) .
For most bereaved, the transformation process occurs naturally
through the existing social structures that surround death within a
culture. A scheduled or expected death, as at the end of the life
span or following protracted illness, a ords many opportunities for
anticipatory grieving, the completion of un nished business, and
the creation and enactment of rituals of inclusion ( Rolland, 1991) .
Transformation rituals can occur quietly and privately, in
anticipation of the death, or in the hours and days after, recasting
the relationship and preparing the bereaved to embark on a transition to a new status. Selecting or conferring a treasured memento
or ``linking object ( Volkan, 1981) , sharing an ethical legacy, and
bringing closure and completion to family rifts all serve a transformative function. The bereaved is changed by his or her participation in these simple symbolic acts, and the deceased is

R ituals and G rieving

701

transformed to an inner representation based on memory,

meaning, and emotional connection ( Klass & Marwit, 1989 ;
Rubin, 1993) . Attachment bonds cannot be relinquished, but they
can be reworked or transformed in such a way as to leave room in
the psychic organization of the individual for the development of
new attachments and a new locus in the social order. Rituals of
transition can aid in the development of these new relationships.

The Process of Transition

One of the most common functions of rituals is the mediation or

transition from one social status to the next ( Turner, 1969) . The
noted anthropologist Arnold van Gennep ( 1908 / 1960) identi ed
rites of passage as facilitating social transition through a series of
phases. In the separation phase, the individual is detached from
the social structure ; during the marginal or liminal phase, the individual is between statuses and able to try on new identities. In the
reintegration phase, the individual returns to the group in his or
her new status, which is acknowledged by the group in a public
display solidifying the collectivity.
Transition rituals, such as funerals, are intended to mediate the
passage to a new status but will not necessarily alter existing social
structures or intrapersonal constructs. In most American funeral
and bereavement rituals, the deceased are committed to the hereafter, and the bereaved are supported in their assumptions of their
new statuses. When these transition rituals of the culture occur in
concert with the individuals private or public acts of transformation, successful resolution of grief can occur.

The Process of Connection

Rituals of continuity or connection ( Rando, 1993 ; van Gennep,

1908/ 1960) are either publicly or privately enacted. Religious practices can o er an opportunity for ongoing connection with the
deceased in a cultural context ( e.g., the Catholic anniversary

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

Mass ; the Jewish Y iz kor ) , but rituals of connection often arise spontaneously in secularized contexts and serve as an important source
of solace to the mourner ( Klass, 1988) . In some non-Western cultures, rituals of connection are an important part of daily family
life ( Klass, 1996b) . In contemporary American culture, it seems
likely that rituals of connection exist and are important elements in
the psychic life of the bereaved, but they are much more apt to be
privately enacted because they violate Western cultural conceptions of proper grief resolution.
Bereavement support groups may sustain the process of connection in that they provide for ritual enactments in a social context
( Klass, 1991) . Harvey ( 1996) recounted the stories of those who
have transformed their losses into meaningful, constructive action.
Although it is not an explicit part of Harveys theory, it seems that
each action serves as a quiet ritual that affirms a healthy, adaptive
connection to the loved one who is deceased. In this way, both
the symbolic and communal functions of connection are made
manifest.
In summary, successful grief resolution should entail three types
of grief work ( transformation, transition, and connection) , which
are most e ectively performed through rituals. This view of
bereavement has implications for practitioners working with grieving persons. First, attention should be paid to each of the operations of transformation, transition, and connection. Second,
mental health professionals should take into account the circumstances of the death and the pre-death and post-death status of the
mourner when designing interventions. Third, bereavement rituals
should not be limited to letting go or saying goodbye, particularly
for those who experience complicated grief or are considered disenfranchised grievers.

The Proposed Model

This model expands the use of therapeutic rituals to include rituals

of transformation and connection along with the rituals of transition most often considered in the literature. Where psychotherapists have failed to aid the bereaved in the resolution of grief, they

R ituals and G rieving

703

have done so out of the modernist culture s failure to acknowledge

the need to maintain appropriate connection with the deceased,
and failure to recognize that appropriate connection is based on
prior transformation. Attention to all three bereavement processes
increases the likelihood of successful resolution : maintaining a connection based on memory and meaning, with emotional energy
available for developing new relationships.
As stated earlier, the bereavement process can be best articulated as three separate but connected processes : transformation,
which occurs within the intrapsychic domain ; transition, which
occurs within the psychosocial domain ; and connection, which
occurs in the communal context and is sustained by both psychic
life and social status ( see Figure 1) . The extent to which each
bereavement process is appropriately engaged will represent the
extent to which there is a successful resolution of grief.
Two factors provide the context within which these processes
occur. The rst is the circumstance of the death itself. This would
include the cause of the death ( accidental vs. natural causes) , the

FIGURE 1 The grieving process

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

length of time associated with the dying process ( sudden vs. protracted illness) , and the means of the death ( murder, suicide,
natural event) . The second factor is the availability of social structures and supports that acknowledge and sustain the bereaved s
status, both before and after death, and the legitimacy of his or her
relationship to the deceased. The circumstances surrounding the
death impact on opportunity for transformation, and the social
structures available e ect opportunity for transition. An assessment
of the circumstances and social structures surrounding the death
can help determine whether therapeutic intervention will facilitate
grief and aid in designing appropriate rituals.
While funeral and post-funeral bereavement rituals are e ective
for many, there are circumstances in which these transition rituals
may come too soon or may not adequately address bereavement.
In these cases, there may be ( a) no socially recognized statuses
available to support transition, and/ or ( b) no formal social recognition of the circumstances surrounding the death. Deaths that challenge core assumptive structures ( e.g., sudden, unanticipated, and
especially violent deaths ; the death of a child) , and deaths that are
somehow stigmatized ( such as deaths due to suicide or AIDS) are
not easily incorporated into cultural frames. Such death circumstances make it difficult if not impossible for appropriate resolution
of grief to occur through the natural social system. Bereaved indivduals who nd themselves unable to participate in or bene t from
rituals of bereavement may either be cut o from the social validation of transition rituals, or have rituals of transition imposed on
them without the bene t of prior transformation. These types of
experiences can lead to either disenfranchised or complicated grief,
and can especially bene t from therapeutically designed rituals.
Disenfranchised grievers ( Doka, 1989) are denied access to the
communal support o ered by transition rituals, because society
fails to either acknowledge their relationship to the deceased or the
legitimacy of their grief, or stigmatizes the death. Individuals
grieving the death of a lover, an ex-spouse, or a homosexual
partner are disenfranchised grievers ; similarly, the grief of people
with mental illness or mental retardation or who are incarcerated
is disenfranchised. Successful grief resolution requires that the community extend its boundaries to sanction the relationship, to allow
disenfranchised grievers to publicly take their place in the com-

R ituals and G rieving

705

munity of mourners, and to acknowledge the transition from life to

death and the legitimacy of their loss ( Kamerman, 1993) .
Research has shown that grief following sudden or preventable
death or suicide, and parental grief, is likely to be prolonged, with
mourners reporting high distress, disorganization, and active grieving for many years following the loss ( Lehman, Wortman, & Williams, 1987 ; Rando, 1986 ; Rubin, 1993) . Despite the outpouring
of psychosocial support during funeral and bereavement rituals,
grief remains. This may be considered complicated grief ( Rando,
1993) .
Although embraced by a community that turns out for the
funeral ritual in a splendid and moving show of support, such
mediating rituals are not sufficient to mitigate risk for individuals
mourning these types of losses. This may happen because there
may not be a recognized status into which to transition, or the
death circumstance has violated the assumptions of the social
system and shattered the bereaved s assumptive world. Because our
social constructions of reality do not support these types of death
experiences, the transformation may be delayed.
New assumptive structures must be created for the bereaved
individual to assist in the acknowledgment of a changed reality.
The self must be transformed or recast and internal working
models must be developed based on a changed relationship with
the deceased. Without the moderating function of transformation,
the internalized representation of the deceased becomes intensely
bound up and overvalued in the mourners covert emotional life,
leaving little room for new relationships ( Rubin, 1993) .
Rituals, because they are symbolic and inherently transformative, are very appropriate here, validating the relationship with
the deceased while at the same time changing the relationship to
one based on memory and meaning. In a transformation ritual,
which may occur either privately or publicly, the mourner is
encouraged to select an object or memento that comes to symbolize
the deceased and the relationship with the deceased. The symbolic
object can contain multiple and often con icting and paradoxical
meanings ( Roberts, 1988) signifying the multiple layers of relationship and representation. As the mourner works with the chosen
symbol in a ritual enactment, ordinary reality is suspended, and he
or she transforms that which the symbol represents and thereby

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

transforms reality. During the enactment, time is collapsed as the

past is transformed to de ne a new future ( Roberts, 1988) . Examples of transformation rituals might include planting a tree, piecing
a quilt, establishing a memorial fund, building a playground in the
deceased s memory, or collecting a ``memory box. The symbolic
or linking objects on which transformation rituals are based are not
pathological introjects, as Volkan ( 1981) asserted. They are rather
a means whereby relationships can continue through a transformed
entity. There is ample evidence that, even in Western culture, the
bereaved maintain relationships with the deceased by continuing
interaction with inner representations and a transformed self
( Klass, Silverman, & Nickman, 1996) .
Mental health professionals have recognized the critical role that
rituals play in the resolution of grief and healing ( Imber-Black,
1991 ; Reeves & Boersma, 1990) , and have attempted to provide
such opportunities for the bereaved population. Rando ( 1985,
1993) discussed the importance of rituals as a way to condone and
authenticate the bereaved individuals reactions to the death experience. Rituals can safely assist an individual to take leave of the
deceased through a process that engages the mourner in symbolic,
a ective, and behavioral expression leading to a sense of control
over events and feelings. In psychotherapy, the bereaved are
o ered an opportunity to confront anew the loss, experience and
work through strong feelings, to recollect and review the relationship and relinquish old ways of relating to the deceased ( Lamb,
1988 ; Melges & DeMaso, 1980) . Such protocols for working with
the bereaved focus on enabling clients to let go of the deceased and
engage in an appropriate farewell ( Worden, 1991) .
Psychotherapeutic rituals with the bereaved, as commonly practiced, can be considered rituals of transition ( Rando, 1993) . van
der Hart ( 1988) and van der Hart and Goosens ( 1987) have
written extensively on the use of leave-taking rituals to enable the
client to work through con icted or unresolved grief using the
phases identi ed by van Gennep ( 1908 / 1960) . The client is encouraged to actively review and recollect the relationship and to facilitate the recognition that he or she must let go. During this period,
the client engages in behaviors that mark this time as distinct from
normal activity and collects key symbols of his or her relationship
with the deceased. Following this time, the client is encouraged to

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707

say goodbye to the deceased in a leave-taking ceremony, during

which the symbolic objects are burned, buried, or given away. Part
of the nalization phase includes a cleansing ritual to mark the end
of the transition and a reunion ritual.
While this type of therapeutic leave-taking ritual has been
helpful to a portion of the bereaved population, some individuals
have experienced iatrogenic e ects resulting from the application
of inappropriate or misguided bereavement interventions
( Osterweis, Solomon, & Green, 1984 ; Rynearson, 1987 ; VidekaSherman & Lieberman, 1985) . It seems that leave-taking therapeutic interventions are often inappropriate or misguided. If there
is no social recognition of the individual s relationship with the
deceased, then there is no socially sanctioned status into which to
transition. If the death circumstance violates societal norms, then
there is no societal acknowledgement of the death. This may delay
transformation, disrupt transition into a new status, and prevent
the connection back into the community. If bereavement is only
treated as a leave taking or a saying goodbye activity, then the
connection between the deceased and the bereaved individual will
not be addressed, which may well lead to an inability or resistance
on the part of the bereaved individual to move toward any type of
resolution for fear of losing the deceased altogether.
There is increasing awareness that relationships continue beyond
death ( Schuchter & Zisook, 1993) . Therapeutic rituals that foster
the goal of ``letting go or ``saying goodbye as treatments for
complicated or ``pathological grief are derived more from culturally prescribed models of grieving than from empirical observation ( Stroebe et al., 1992) . It would seem appropriate to
acknowledge that for many bereaved, there is a need to maintain
an ongoing psychic connection with the deceased, and to support
that connection in a healthy, life-affirming fashion. Such is the case
for parents who have lost a child. The need for a transformation or
a recasting of the self into a new existence is vital. Parents maintain
an ongoing connection with their dead children through a sacred
symbolic space in which the children reside, which enables movement toward re-entry into the communal context ( e.g., Klass,
1996a ; McClowry, Davies, May, Kulenkamp, & Martinson,
1987) . Transition, then, becomes a matter of nding a new psychosocial existence that has no formally recognized social status. The

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B . D . R omano and M . T erenz io

central issue becomes the constant negotiation of parents in what

can be best described as a liminal status and not about saying
goodbye to the child. Enacting the transformation of the relationship enables it to continue through memorialization or meaningbased activity, which serves to structure and limit the interaction
and prevent the continuing obsessive preoccupation with the
deceased that is common in parental bereavement and other forms
of complicated grief ( Rubin, 1993) . This will free the mourner to
establish new social connections in a communal context.
Conclusion

It would appear that current understandings of pathological or

complicated or disenfranchised grief arise from a particular
cultural model of grieving as ``letting go. Western funeral and
psychotherapeutic bereavement rituals derive from this conceptualization, and may be seen as ine ective or inauthentic for this
reason. A broader appreciation of the functions of ritual as transformation and connection as well as transition, and a matching of
ritual enactments with the needs of the bereaved, would serve to
legitimize the multiplicity of pathways through grief and aid the
bereaved in appropriate and peaceful resolution.
Loss is inevitable. Most individuals experience the pain and
emotional upheaval of bereavement as normal, and resolve their
grief with the aid of supportive community rituals. Those whose
grief is complicated by violation of social norms may derive little
bene t from the rituals of a culture. The psychotherapy establishment attempts to aid these individuals with rituals of its own
and often fails. To be successful, therapy rituals cannot be applied
willy-nilly but must be co-created with the client as the client
attempts to nd a way of being in a changed world. The type of
ritual created depends on the nature of the complicating factors,
the type of death, and the characteristics of the relationship with
the deceased. For the disenfranchised griever, a ritual of transition
can be enacted in the presence of a supportive community. Those
who experience loss due to sudden, violent, or nonnormative death
need time and opportunity to transform their relationship to the
deceased and to accommodate to a changed assumptive world.
Rituals that help to recast the self can be helpful.

R ituals and G rieving

709

Sensitivity to individual as well as culturally shared meanings, a

willingness to collaborate with the client in the creation and direction of ritual, and a willingness to suspend the real, o er the client
the opportunity to tell a new story, a story that affirms the past,
acknowledges the changed present, and o ers hope for the future.
The mourner who plants a seedling in memory of the deceased
acknowledges the loss, and waters and nourishes the sapling. Later,
he or she sits in the shade of the tree.

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