3 Approachability

Factor VI: Personal and Interpersonal Skills

Cluster N: Relating Skills

VI N

A true leader has to have a genuine open-door policy

so that his people are not afraid to approach him for any reason.

Harold S. Geneen American businessman

Unskilled
Distant, not easy to be around
Not comfortable with first contacts
May be shy, cool or a person of few words
Doesnt reveal much, hard to know what he/she is really like
Doesnt build rapport, may be a lets get on with it type
May be a poor listener or appear uninterested
May not pick up on social cues that others would recognize
May be tense
Transactions dont go smoothly
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to use as a substitute for this competency if you decide not to
work on it directly.
SUBSTITUTES: 4,7,10,11,15,21,23,27,31,33,36,41,42,60
Skilled
Is easy to approach and talk to
Spends the extra effort to put others at ease
Can be warm, pleasant, and gracious
Is sensitive to and patient with the interpersonal anxieties of others
Builds rapport well
Is a good listener
Is an early knower, getting informal and incomplete information in time to do something about it
Overused Skill
May waste too much time building rapport in meetings
May be misinterpreted as easy-going or easy to influence
May have too strong a desire to be liked
May avoid necessary negative or unpleasant transactions
May try to smooth over real issues and problems
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to work on to compensate for an overuse of this skill.
COMPENSATORS: 1,5,9,12,13,16,17,20,30,34,35,37,43,50,53,57,65
Some Causes
Arrogant
Insensitive
Judgmental
Not interpersonally skilled
Not self-confident
Shy
Busy, busy, busy
Too intense; cant relax
Leadership Architect Factors and Clusters
This competency is in the Personal and Interpersonal Skills Factor (VI). This competency is in the Relating Skills
Cluster (N) with: 31. You may want to check other competencies in the same Factor/Cluster for related tips.
The Map
Being approachable means putting others at ease so that they can be at their best. It means initiating rapport,
listening, sharing, understanding and comforting. Approachable people get more information, know things earlier, and
can get others to do more things. People just like to have them around.

Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com

Some Remedies
1. Not sure where to begin? Make the first move. Being approachable means you have to initiate the
transaction. You have to put out your hand first. Make first eye contact. Note the color of the persons eyes to
ensure good eye contact. You have to ask the first question or share the first piece of information. You have to
make the first three minutes comfortable for the other person or group so they can accomplish what they came to
you to do.
2. Too quick to judge? Start listening. Approachable people are very good at listening. They listen without
interrupting. They ask clarifying questions. They dont instantly judge. They listen to understand. Judgment may
come later. They restate what the other person has said to signal understanding. They nod. They may jot down
notes. Listeners dont always offer advice or solutions unless its obvious the person wants to know what they
would do. More help? See #33 Listening.
3. Are you overly private? Share more. Approachable people share more information and get more in return.
Confide your thinking on a business issue and invite the response of others. Pass on tidbits of information you
think will help people do their jobs better or broaden their perspectives. Disclose some things about yourself. Its
hard for people to relate to an enigma. Reveal things that people dont need to know to do their jobs, but which
will be interesting to themand help them feel valued. More help? See #44 Personal Disclosure.
4. Not a fan of small talk? Make connections. Approachable people work to know and remember important
things about the people they work around, for, and with. Know three things about everybodytheir interests or
their children or something you can chat about other than the business agenda. Treat life as a small world. If you
ask a few questions, youll find you have something in common with virtually anyone. Establish things you can
talk about with each person you work with that go beyond strictly work transactions. These need not be social,
they could be issues of strategy, global events, market shifts. The point is to forge common ground and
connections.
5. Appear to lack interest? Watch your non-verbals. Approachable people appear and sound open and
relaxed. They smile. They are calm. They keep eye contact. They nod while the other person is talking. They
have an open body posture. They speak in a paced and pleasant tone. Eliminate any disruptive habits such as
speaking too rapidly or forcefully, using strongly worded or loaded language, or going into too much detail. Watch
out for signaling disinterest with actions like glancing at your watch, fiddling with paperwork or giving your
impatient Im busy look.
6. Think youve got all the answers? Ask lots of questions. Many people dont ask enough curiosity questions
when in their work mode. There are too many informational statements, conclusions, suggestions and solutions
and not enough what if, what are you thinking, how do you see that. In studies, statements outweighed
questions eight to one. Ask more questions than others. Make fewer solution statements early in a discussion.
Keep probing until you understand what they are trying to tell you.
7. Selective with your approachability? Be universally approachable. Some people are approachable with
some and not with others. Some might be approachable to direct reports and tense around senior management.
List the people you can be approachable with and those you cant. What do the people you are comfortable
around have in common? Not comfortable with? Is it level? Style? Gender? Race? Background? Of course, the
principles of being approachable are the same regardless of the audience. Do what you do with the comfortable
group with the uncomfortable groups. The results will be the same.
8. Need to get out of your shell? Overcome shyness. Trouble with appearing vulnerable? Afraid of how people
will react? Not sure of your social skills? Want to appearwhile shaking insidenot shy? Hand first. Consistent
eye contact. Ask the first question. For low-risk practice, talk to strangers off-work. Set a goal of meeting 10 new
people at a social gathering; find out what you have in common with them. Initiate contact at your place of
worship, at PTA meetings, in the neighborhood, at the supermarket, on the plane and on the bus. See if any of
the bad and scary things you think might happen to you if you initiate people contact actually happen. More help?
See #31 Interpersonal Savvy.
9. Make others uncomfortable? Put people at ease. Arrogant people are seen as distant and impersonal loners
who prefer their own ideas to anyone elses. They purposefully, or not, devalue others and their contributions.
This usually results in people feeling diminished, rejected and angry. Why? Answers. Solutions. Conclusions.
Statements. Dictates. Thats the staple of arrogant people. Not listening. Instant output. Sharp reactions. Dont
want to be that way? Read your audience. Do you know what people look like when they are uncomfortable with
you? Do they back up? Stumble over words? Cringe? Stand at the door hoping not to get invited in? You should
work doubly hard at observing others. Especially during the first three minutes of an important transaction, work to
make the person or group comfortable with you before the real agenda starts. Ask a question unrelated to the
topic. Offer them something to drink. Share something personal. More help? See #104 Arrogant.
Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com

10. Difficulty serving as a sounding board? Prepare for conflict. As you become more approachable, you will
invite more conflict. If someone is angry, let him/her vent without saying anything other than you know he/she is
upset. Its hard for most people to continue for very long with no encouragement or resistance. If someone is a
chronic complainer, ask him/her to write down problems and solutions and then discuss it. This turns down the
volume while hopefully moving him/her off complaining. If someone wants to complain about someone else, ask if
he/she has talked to the person. Encourage him/her to do so. If that doesnt work, summarize what he/she has
said without agreeing or disagreeing. More help? See #12 Conflict Management. Youll also invite more contact
along with the conflict, and you dont want to become the local coffee shop. Manage your time by gently
interrupting to summarize or asking people to think about it more, then lets continue. Disclose things that can be
said quickly. Defer extended conversations to other times. Approachability doesnt mean you have to give up
control of your time.
Some Develop-in-Place Assignments
Make peace with an enemy or someone youve disappointed with a product or service or someone youve had
some trouble with or dont get along with very well.
Manage the outplacement of a group of people.
Manage a temporary group of green, inexperienced people as their coach, teacher, guide, mentor, etc.
Train customers in the use of the organizations products or services.
Create employee involvement teams.
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

William Shakespeare English poet and playwright

Suggested Readings
Alessandra, T. (2002). The 10 qualities of charismatic people: Secrets of personal magnetism. Chicago: NightingaleConant Corp.
Bardwick, J. M. (2002). Seeking the calm in the storm: Managing chaos in your business life. Upper Saddle River, NJ:
Financial Times/Prentice Hall.
Benton, D. A. (2003). Executive charisma: Six steps to mastering the art of leadership. New York: McGraw-Hill Trade.
DuBrin, A. (2006). Human relations: Interpersonal job-oriented skills (9th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Financial
Times/Prentice Hall.
Elsdon, R. (2002). Affiliation in the workplace: Value creation in the new organization. Westport, CT: Praeger
Publishers.
Fritz, S. M., Lunde, J. P., Brown, W., & Banset, E. A. (2004). Interpersonal skills for leadership (2nd ed.). Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Gilbert, M. (2002). Communication miracles at work: Effective tools and tips for getting the most from your work
relationships. Berkeley, CA: Conari Press.
Goleman, D. (2007). Social intelligence: The new science of human relationships. New York: Bantam Books.
Goman, C. (2008). The nonverbal advantage: Secrets and science of body language at work. San Francisco: BerrettKoehler Publishers.
Hayes, J. (2002). Interpersonal skills at work. New York: Routledge.
Klaus, P. (2007). The hard truth about soft skills: Workplace lessons smart people wish theyd learned sooner. New
York: HarperCollins.
Lowndes, L. (2003). How to talk to anyone: 92 Little tricks for big success in relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Maslow, A. H. (1998). Maslow on management. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
Oatey, H. S. (2000). Culturally speaking: Managing rapport in talk across cultures. New York: Continuum.

Copyright 1996-2009 Lominger International: A Korn/Ferry Company. All Rights Reserved. www.lominger.com