A Guide to

Sikh Weddings
You may have attended many Punjabi weddings and enjoyed the jaago, but do
you know why the jaago is even part of the wedding? You probably enjoy
rubbing vatna/maiyan over the bride or groom, but what is the significance of
this?

Events:
Roka/thaka
Chunni
Kurmai
Saahe chithi
Maiya/vatna
Mehndi and sangeet
Jaago
Wedding day morning
Wedding day religious ceremony
Wedding day reception and doli
Roka Ceremony
A traditional Punjabi wedding has numerous functions that lead to the big
day. It begins with a roka ceremony, which is a simple event usually attended
by close family. The function involves the brides family visiting the groom, in
absence of their daughter, and giving the groom sagan (gifted money and he is
fed ladoo). Some families opt to begin the ceremony with a small puja or
ardaas (prayer), to mark the first step towards the wedding. This is followed
by the groom and his family visiting the bride, which is often referred to as
the thaka ceremony. The couple are given sagan together. There is often an
exchange of gifts and sweets such as fruit, Indian sweets or dry fruit (meva).

The significance behind this ceremony is to declare that the boy and girl are
ocially engaged, thus they can openly court. It represents the beginning of a
relationship between two families, who will then discuss a wedding date.
Historically, this has been a low-key aair that has been conducted at the
respective homes of the bride and groom. However, now it is becoming
popular to hold the function in a banquet hall or hotel venue.
Kurmai Ceremony
The next stage of a Guide to Punjabi Weddings is the Kurmai ceremony,
which can take place months before the wedding or just before the Anand
Karaj (marriage ceremony). It is the equivalent to the chunni ceremony in
that the girls family comes to the boys house or gurdwara where the boys
family have held a paath (prayer). They will invite their family and friends.
Traditionally, only men from the girls family would come but now anyone
comes, except the girl who is not meant to go to her in-laws before
marriage, at least that is the traditional custom!

Ceremony
The girls family bring gifts of ladoo, mithai, fruit and dry fruit. The boys
sisters will put a palla (long scarf ) around the boys shoulders so he holds it
open in his lap. The girls father will then fill the palla with handfuls of dry
fruit and present the boy with a gold Kara (Sikh bangle) or watch. Some
families may even gift a gold chain or ring. This depends entirely on the
familys preference. The ceremony usually ends with the boy and girls
respective fathers putting a garland over each other, which is called a milni
(meeting). The parents will then feed ladoo to the boy, followed by the rest of
the family and friends who will also gift him money, otherwise known as
sagan.

Significance
The meaning behind the girls family coming and gifting the boy is similar to
the significance behind the chunni churaona they are sealing their approval
and publicly declaring the boy as their son-in-law to-be. In traditional Indian
custom, the girls family never come to the boys house empty-handed, thus
they bring fruit or Indian sweets. It is considered auspicious to bring
something sweet.
The milni between both fathers at the end symbolises their union of families.
However, this is not done if the kurmai is held on the wedding day.
Kurmai Checklist
Generally, the girls family will go to the kurmai with the following:
Gold kara (or whatever other gift they opt to give the boy)
Large amount of ladoo, which could be displayed in a box, tray or
basket
Small box of ladoo to feed the boy during the kurmai
Baskets of fruit in an odd number (3 or 5)
Dry fruit made of an odd number of ingredients (5, 7 or 9) including
almonds, raisins, mishri (crystallised sugar lumps), cardamom, cashew
nuts, coconut flakes or dates.
Garland for the milni

The boys family should be equipped with the following:

Palla for the boy
Small box of ladoo or mithai to feed the boy during the sagan
Large box of ladoo or mithai to gift to the girls family before they leave
Ramallah, if the kurmai is held at the gurdwara
Garland for the milni
Chunni Ceremony
The chunni ceremony is often referred to as the ocial engagement. The roka
is an informal engagement when the couple are blessed and recognised by
both families as to-be-weds. The chunni cements this and makes them ocial
fiancs.

The ceremony involves the boys family visiting the girls house or venue that
they have arranged to accommodate the guests. The boys family bring gifts
comprising of fruit, Indian sweets, meva (dry fruit) and a complete outfit for
the girl. Some families opt to bring many more gifts, although this is neither
expected nor necessary.

Women who are closely related to the boy, usually his sister or sister-in-law,
present the girl with a red outfit. Ladies in the boys family will then dress the
bride in these clothes in the privacy of a separate room of course! They
usually bring matching cosmetics and nail varnish, which they also put on the
girl.

Once the girl is dressed, she is brought back to where all the guests are
congregated. The boy and girl are seated together, which is when the crucial
ritual of the chunni charauna takes place. The boys mum places a red
chunni (scarf ) that corresponds to the outfit the girl has been dressed in,
and places it on the girls head. Then she or other significant women in the
boys family adorn the girl with other gifts they have brought traditional
jewellery set (which is usually gold), bangles, a red accessory in the hair and
mendhi on her hands. The boys father will put handfuls of meva into the
girls jholi. The boys parents will feed the girl a whole dry date.

Some families ask the boy to put sindoor (vermilion) on the girl, which is an
Indian tradition originating from the Hindu community and can only be
done by a man to his marital partner. It is a sign of a married woman. He will
then put the engagement ring on the girls finger, hence this being the ocial
engagement.
The parents will give sagan to both the boy and girl in the form of feeding
them ladoo (an Indian sweet) and gifting them money. The rest of the family
will follow and this is where youngsters in the family imitate paparazzi as they
flash snaps of the sagan process!
Some variations exist between this ceremony in India and abroad. In India,
the girl will also put a ring on the boys hand during the chunni ceremony
because they do not exchange wedding bands in India. Some families opt to
feed the girl boiled rice and milk in place of ladoo, but generally the concept
is to feed her something sweet.

Significance
The meaning behind gifting the girl a red outfit and dressing her represents
the boys familys acceptance of her as their prospective daughter-in-law. This
is why there is emphasis on them dressing her. It is called the chunni charauna
ceremony because crucially, the boys mother will put the chunni on the girls
head to dress her like a bride. The boys father fills her jholi with handfuls of
meva as a symbolic token of welcoming her to the family.

Chunni Checklist
This is a general guide of what the boys family will take to the chunni
ceremony:
Red outfit could be lengha or sari but is usually a salwar suit
Fruit, which is usually presented in a basket
Meva (dry fruit) that must be made of an odd number of ingredients (5,
7 or 9), which could include almonds, raisins, mishri (crystallised sugar
lumps), cardamom, cashew nuts, coconut flakes and dates
Indian sweets ladoo are traditionally fed to the boy and girl but other
Indian sweets could be gifted additionally, and/or chocolates or sweets.
Accessories with the red outfit traditional jewellery set (usually made
of gold), bangles, bindis, red ribbon for the hair
Mendhi
Sindoor optional and depends on the family
Make-up, which usually consists of lipstick, eye-liner and eye-
shadowalthough it is not limited to just these cosmetics.
 Bag and/or shoes optional to add additional accessories to the girls
outfit although some traditional families may not favour the idea of
gifting their prospective bride with shoes before marriage.
A simpler red chunni that the girl could wear when her outfit has been
changed but before the boys mother has put the ocial chunni on her
head
Red handkerchiefs (or something similar) for the bride and groom to
hold their sagan money.
Flowers optional for the boy to gift his prospective wife.
And dont forget the all-important engagement ring!
Saahe Chithi
The next stage of a Guide to Punjabi Weddings is the Saahe Chithi, which is
little known about until people have a close wedding in the family and they
carry out this custom. It usually takes place a week before the wedding and
tends to involve only close relatives.

Procedure
The girls family prepare a wedding invitation for the boys family, which is
splashed with a few drops of saron. In India, the local barber is asked to take
this invitation to the boys family and he is rewarded with clothes for doing
so. Being asked to be the messenger is considered an honour for the barber.
Although this is now a dwindling custom. Today, its usually key family
members and/or the middle person (or matchmaker, otherwise known as
bachola or bacholan), who will go to the girls house with the invitation. They
may take gifts such as Indian sweets or dry fruit.

Purpose
The traditional significance of this ceremony is to ocially invite the boys
family to the solemnisation of the marriage and implies that you should now
begin preps for the wedding day. Although in modern weddings, planning
could start years before to secure venue and temples on certain dates. But
historically, weddings were a lot simpler and could be arranged within days.

The invitation is prepared in the presence of elders in the family, as a sign of

respect. It is splashed with saron, which gives a red stain. Red is the symbol
of the renewal of life in Indian culture, which is what the marriage signifies.

The barber was traditionally sent as the messenger because historically it was
considered discourteous for the girls family to visit the boys family too often.
Also, travel was usually by foot so travelling to the boys house if it was in a
dierent village or town could be timely. By rewarding the barber with
clothing or some other sort of gift would be considered both charitable and
auspicious to receive the barbers well-wishes in gratitude as a result.

The gifting of Indian sweets or dry fruit is an age-old custom of not going to
somebodys house empty-handed, especially if they are your daughters
prospective in-laws. There is a cultural bias for the girls family to hold the
boys family in high-esteem to avoid any repercussions on their daughters
married life. Although; opinion of this is subjective to each family.

Saahe Chithi Checklist

These are general guidelines. The gifts are not compulsory:
Indian sweets usually laddoo or mithai
Dry fruit could also be taken this is usually in odd quantities of the
ingredients, for example 3, 5 or 7 ingredients mixed together.
Saron
Gaana, which is a red thread used at many Hindu or Sikh ceremonies as
a symbol of starting something new. This is sometimes tied around the
invitation.
And of course the wedding invitation.
Maiya / Vatna Ceremony
We are fast approaching the Big Day in a Guide to Punjabi Weddings, and the
countdown begins with the maiya ceremony. Traditionally, the maiya is
conducted three times. This usually takes place two days before the wedding
day, when its customary to start before midday. The second time is in the
morning of the day before the wedding and finally, it is applied that night
too. Both the boy and girl undergo the same process and after this they are
traditionally confined to remain at home and not change their clothes! Why?
you ask. Well, read on!

Procedure
Initially, a rangoli design is made in the garden or veranda of the wedding
home. This design incorporates rangoli (coloured powder), flour and rice. The
design could be as intricate or adventurous as you like! This is usually done by
relatives from the boy or girls maternal family, although there is no strict rule
to this.

A peeri (stool) is placed beside the design. This is where the boy or girl will sit
and this should be east-facing.
The boy or girl are brought out to where the rangoli design has been made
carrying a thaal (tray), which has vatna (mixture of turmeric powder, flour
and mustard oil that is kneaded into a moist dough-like consistency), a fatti
(traditionally a rectangular piece of wood), gaaney (auspicious red thread) and
dupatta (Asian scarf ).

They are sat down on the peeri, the fatti is placed under their feet so it is
adjacent to the rangoli design. The dupatta is held above them by four people
from each corner. The mother or any other elder in the family, wipe mustard
oil on the boy or girls head with a few grass strands. Originally, the oil was
applied to the entire hair, which has excellent conditioning properties. Over
generations this has reduced to a few dabs on the forehead leaving them
looking greasy until the wedding morning, which is when they could wash
their hair!

Family and friends then begin rubbing the vatna on the boy or girl. This is
concentrated on the face, arms, hands and feet. The maiya ceremony is a
playful and cheeky aair when relatives will often mischievously apply the
vatna on every available body part! Ladies traditionally sing jovial folk songs
to enhance the celebratory atmosphere.

Once everyone has taken it in turns to rub the vatna; the mother attempts to
feed a rice and sugar mixture to the boy or girl. Their sister-in-law (brothers
wife) playfully tries to stop the mother from doing this by smacking the
mothers hand away. This is another feature of the comical nature of the maiya
ceremony.

Meanwhile, all guests are given a gaana (auspicious red thread), which they tie
around their wrist. Designs can vary and people tend to be creative with bells
and beads to accentuate the gaana.
The boy or girl is then led away with the tray in their hands and dupatta on
their head. They are suggested to feed any singletons the remaining rice and
sugar mixture as good luck for them to get hitched soon!

The boy or girls mother then clears the rangoli. Before she does this, she steps
over the design either side seven times, then uses water to collect the rangoli
to bring it to a paste. This is thrown over the house or on a rooftop for birds
to feed from it. This is also considered auspicious. She will then leave three
handprints on the house, because her hands would be stained after clearing
the rangoli. This was traditionally done on the front of houses in India as a
sign that it is a wedding house.

As I mentioned earlier, the maiya is conducted another two times. The second
time is the following morning (the day before the wedding) but this is simply
a process of the boy or girl applying the vatna to their body themselves. The
third and final time is that evening, at the jaago night. This is another big get-
together where friends and relatives will be involved.

Purpose
Once the maiya ceremony has been done two days prior to the wedding day,
the boy and girl are generally refrained from leaving the house (although this
tradition is largely ignored now). The main reason behind this is to ensure the
security and safety of the bride or groom-to-be.
They are told not to bathe or change their clothes until the wedding morning,
which probably sounds repulsive! But the rationale behind it is quite the
opposite. The clothes arent changed because otherwise they would be stained
with turmeric. The vatna is a natural skin purifier so acts like a face and body
mask. This is why it is applied three times before the wedding day. So the
main purpose behind the maiya ceremony is to beautify the couple!

Checklist
Rangoli the quantity and range of colours depends on your design
choice
Flour (just a handful)
Rice (just a handful)
Peeri (stool) available to rent from Epic Events
Fatti (rectangular piece of wood) available to rent from Epic Events
Vatna made of turmeric powder, mustard oil and flour kneaded to a
moist dough
Gaaney (auspicious red thread) the number depends on how many
guests youre expecting
Thaal (tray) available to rent from Epic Events
Boiled rice and sugar mix
Dupatta (scarf ) Punjabis tend to go for a traditional fulkari design
A few strands of grass
A few drops of mustard oil
Mehendi and Sangeet Night
One of the most entertaining functions in a Punjabi wedding is the sangeet
night, when excitement for the Big Day is expressed through song and dance!
This is usually allocated as the Mehndi night too.

Procedure
Generally, the sangeet night takes place two days before the wedding day. It is
usually held in the evening at the wedding home although many people opt
for function venues for larger capacity.
There tend to be more women and children on this function. The evening
begins with traditional folk songs; called koris (if youre on the grooms side)
or suhaag (if youre on the brides side).

Once the night has opened with these traditional songs, the wedding guests
are free to be as wild and fun as they please by singing mischievous lyrics,
usually aimed at the close members of the family. This is accompanied by
dancing.

During the singing and dancing, food is provided and mehndi is applied.
Although some people book professional mehndi artistes, it can also be
applied by any creative member of the family.

Purpose
In some communities, mehndi is applied to both the bride and groom. It is
traditionally applied in intricate designs on the hands and feet, although it is
not restricted to just these areas. Some wedding guests like to get creative and
apply it to the upper arm, stomach or even their back!

For a bride, the longer the mehndi is kept on, the stronger the love between
her and her husband is thought to be. And likewise, if the groom applies it
too. Although, some communities believe the darker the mehndi turns out,
the more the mother-in-law will like her prospective daughter-in-law!

In India, Memndi is worn by women for many functions and festivals. It is

considered auspicious and a symbol of celebration.
*Epic Events Tip*
To enhance the colour of the mehndi, it should be kept on for as long as
possible. To prevent it from crumbling o when it dries, dab a mixture of
lemon and sugar on to it with cotton wool. This should only be done when
the mehndi is dry. This sticky mixture helps to hold the mehndi in place for
longer.
When you want to remove it, avoid washing it o with water. Instead rub
your hands together. Then apply mustard oil. This oil can be applied several
times to enhance or maintain the colour of the mehndi.

Check list
Mehndi cones can be bought readymade or made at home
Lemon, sugar and cotton wool for the locking agent
Mustard oil for post-maintenance
Kori or suhaag songs booklets will help if your guests dont know the
words
Music!
Jaago Night
We have almost reached the Big Day but before then, there is one more
excuse to party the jaago night. This is traditionally held on the night before
the wedding day but some families opt to keep a day in between to recover!

Process
The jaago night begins with another maiya ceremony.
Traditionally, the maternal family bring gifts, which is known as naanki shak.
Historically, the maternal uncle would buy the bride or grooms wedding day
outfit. They would also buy clothes for the paternal family. This is a
dwindling tradition.

Choora ceremony

If it is a girls wedding; the next big aspect of the night is the choora
ceremony. This is when the maternal uncles will put wedding bangles
(choora) on the bride by dipping them in a milk and water mixture first. This
is followed by adding coconut-shaped decorations that hang from a bangle or
kara.

During this ceremony, the maternal aunts will also gather around and assist
the uncles in putting the bangles on.
This is followed by dressing the bride in a red chunni (scarf ), and gifting her
jewellery (often silver or gold). This is the wedding gift from the maternal
family. The maternal uncles and aunts are then given milk to drink.

Choora Significance
Traditionally the bride would wear 21 red and ivory coloured bangles on each
arm. Odd numbers are considered auspicious in Indian culture. Nowadays,
the number of bangles worn and their design are now dictated by the brides
choice. Bangles were usually worn by a bride for a full year as a symbol of her
being newly married. The coconut-shaped decorations (kaleeray) were
historically significant because many girls would be married in towns or
villages that were miles away. As they were expected to be shy and reserved,
they would seldom say if they were hungry. So, dried coconuts were given to
them during the choora ceremony to wear on the wedding day, and to have as
optional food when they depart for their marital home. Now, kaleeray are
decorated as an accessory to compliment the bridal look.

Jaago significance

And now for the party! Jaago literally means wake-up. Centuries ago,
invitations were not sent to invite people to weddings. Relatives of the bride
or groom would go around the village on the night before the wedding day
with pots on their head that were decorated with oil candles, singing and
dancing as an open invitation to attend the wedding. The candles were used
for light as this is before electricity was established! The traditional folk song is
jaago, so they would encourage people to wake-up and join in the
festivities.

Now, jaago nights are considered an opportunity to be creative. The bride or

grooms siblings and friends will often dress up in traditional Punjabi clothing
or comical outfits.

The aim of the night is to make noise and party, so not only will jaagos be
carried (pots decorated with lights), decorated sticks (jaago sticks) will be
banged on the floor and even a chaj would be banged (as pictured). The
maternal and paternal families will often sing mischievous folk songs to each
other.

If the jaago night is held at home, families tend to book tents or marquees.
DJs are also booked to add to the party atmosphere.

Check list
Oil to pour at the entrance when greeting the maternal family
Jaagos
Chaj
Jaago sticks
Traditional novelty outfits
Book marquee/function suite
Book DJ
For girls weddings:
Choora (bangles)
Kaleeray
Bowl with water and milk mixture (to dip bangles)
Red chunni
Blanket (to sit on during choora ceremony)
Indian sweets (to be fed to the bride and maternal uncles)
The Wedding Day
The brides house

Centuries ago, the bride would bathe on her wedding day morning with
water that was fetched by her sisters from the local gurdwara well. The water
was considered pure because it was from the gurdwara and during this
historical time, houses were not equipped with water facilities.

The maternal uncle (mama) would carry the bride out of the bath once she is
dressed, even if this is very brief. He would cover her head with the bridal
scarf (dupatta), which was traditionally a phulkari design. This is the
trademark embroidery of Punjab.

The grooms house

Centuries ago, the grooms pabhi (brothers wife) would consider it an honour
to fetch water from the local gurdwara on the morning of the wedding for the
groom to bathe with. This tradition is still adopted by some communities in
modern Punjab.

Once the groom has dressed he also carries a kirpan (sword), which he will
keep hold of all day. This is to symbolise that he will protect his future wife
throughout their marriage. This tradition grew from a practical necessity
during the Mogul rule on India. At this time, brides were often kidnapped
during wedding ceremonies. Grooms began to carry a sword to protect both
their bride and honour.

Before the boy leaves his home for the gurdwara, where the marriage
ceremony is conducted, there are several other customs remaining. He is
assigned a sarwalla (best man) whose role it is to accompany the groom
throughout the day and assist him where necessary. The sarwalla and groom
are dressed with a haar (garland) each, which is considered auspicious. They
are both fed ladoo (Indian sweets) by the grooms parents. It is considered
auspicious to give something sweet at happy occasions.

The grooms sisters will then drape thepalla(wedding scarf ) across his
shoulders. This is a crucial element of the marriage ceremony in the gurdwara.
Traditionally, the sisters would clutch hold of this as the boy leaves his home,
and walk with him to the gurdwara, still holding on to the palla. The grooms
mother will place a whole coconut in his palla.

The penultimate ritual before leaving the grooms home is for his pabhi(s) to
putsurma(kohl) in his eyes. Putting some black kohl on a person is an Indian
custom thought to deter the evil eye. So, the pabhi applies surma to her
brother-in-laws eyes both as a compliment and also to ward o jealousy. She
then feeds him ladoo (Indian sweet). The pabhi usually demands money from
the grooms parents for this.

And finally, the sisters will tie a sehra across the grooms turban to cover his
face. This is again to ward o the evil eye and maintain anticipation for the
wedding guests to see the groom. In India, the sehra is a ritual still practiced.
Elsewhere, this is a dwindling custom. Instead, most families opt to just apply
a kalgi (turban pin), which was traditionally considered a majestic jewel worn
on the turban.

Check list
Kirpan
2 haar (garlands)
Surma (kohl)
Ladoo
Palla
Sehra
Whole coconut

Milni and reception of barat

The barat (grooms family) is received at the gurdwara by the brides family. At
this point, the bride is kept separate until the main ceremony, to keep up the
anticipation to see her.

Both families will congregate in a large area, usually outside the gurdwara for
the milni (meeting). Before the actual milni begins, an ardaas (prayer) is
carried out, which is auspicious to begin any happy occasion. The milni is a
formal introduction of key relatives from each family.
The milni, or meeting, involves the priest to call the names of corresponding
relations from each side, beginning with the eldest, which are the bride and
grooms grandfathers. They meet in the middle of the surrounding
congregation, put a haar (garland) on each other, hug and pose for a photo!
Its become commonplace for each side to compete by trying to pick each
other up when they hug as a playful gesture.

Then the barat are invited inside the gurdwara for breakfast. However, the
brides sisters take this opportunity to tease their soon-to-be brother-in-law.
The groom or his father have to try to put money (it could be as little as a
penny!) into a glass of water held by the brides sisters. But they will resist and
aim to get as much money as possible. They also tend to hold up a red
ribbon, which the groom will cut to enter. As soon as money is placed in the
glass, the brides family have to let the groom in. This is a relatively new
custom that has been adopted.

Checklist
Garlands (for the milni)
Gifts which the brides family bring to give to each relative who does a
milni
Barfi (Indian sweets) which is fed to the groom as he enters the
gurdwara
Glass of water for the brides sisters
Red ribbon and scissors

Anand Karaj (blissful union)

The Sikh marriage ceremony is the anand karaj, or blissful union. This takes
place in the gurdwara darbar (main room). Relatives from both sides will pay
their respects to the Guru Granth Sahib (holy book) and take a seat in the
darbar.
The boy will come in with a ramalla, which he oers to the Guru Granth
Sahib as he bows down to pay respect. He then takes a seat with his sarwalla
(best man) and close family. At this time, priests are reading shabd (hymns).

The brides sister will remove the kalgi (turban pin) and/or sehra, if he is
wearing it. They will also remove the whole coconut that was placed in his
palla that morning, and give this to the brides mother.
Just before the bride is brought into the darbar, the groom is told to sit in
front of the Guru Granth Sahib. When the bride comes in, she is escorted by
her brothers, which is symbolic because brothers are considered protectors in
the Indian culture.

She will also oer a ramalla, bow down and sit next to the boy. Her close
relatives, such as her sisters and sister-in-laws will set behind her for support.
Likewise, the grooms sisters or other close relatives will sit near him for
support.

The brides father is prompted to do the kanyadaan, or palla rasam, which is

symbolic of the father giving his daughter away. He will tie the palla, which
the groom is wearing to the brides wrist or she will hold it.

Traditionally, the brides brothers will then stand around the altar for the
laavan (marriage hymns). Four laavan are conducted, which take the bride
and groom through the stages of the journey that lead to a union with God
and union of a husband and wife. These are both teachings and vows that
they take to seal their marriage union.
The gyaani will recite a hymn for each laav, after which the bride and groom
will bow down, and start walking around the altar (where the Guru Granth
Sahib is) with the groom leading. The palla is linking them both and as they
take a journey around the altar, the brides brothers take it in turns to hold
her and guide her around. This is symbolic of brothers being protectors but
also practical to prevent a nervous bride from fainting.

Laavan
The meaning behind each laav could be summarised as follows (however,
some translation is down to interpretation so this is an estimated
interpretation):
First laav emphasises duty to the family and the community
Second laav signifies the stage of yearning and love for each other
Third laav stresses the stage of detachment from the world
Fourth laav signifies the final stage of harmony and union in marriage
when love between the couple blends into the love for God
The groom leading does not imply he is in control or any superior. Him
leading is to symbolise his role as the carer and provider of his wife. Also, the
bride and groom are equally distant from the Guru Granth Sahib this way by
taking circular journeys around the altar.
After the bride and groom complete each laav, they take a seat and the gyaani
recites the next hymn for the corresponding laav. After the fourth laav, a
hymn is sung to mark the marital union. A final ardaas is performed by the
gyaani with the entire congregation including the wedding couple.
This concludes the Sikh marriage.

This is the end of the formal wedding customs. The grooms parents will then
put a haar around the couple, give them money for blessing and feed them
barfi. The brides parents will follow suit and place the whole coconut back in
the grooms palla. The rest of the congregation will take it in turn to give them
sagan (money as blessing). Although, this is now usually done in the reception
rather than the gurdwara.

Checklist
Ramalla one for the bride and another for the groom
Barfi
Reception

Traditionally, the brides family will provide the grooms family with the
wedding dinner. This is because the wedding was performed in the hometown
or village of the bride, thus the grooms family are, in eect, the guests.
Historically, dinner would be served in the gurdwara, where no alcohol or
meat is permitted. Or the brides family would erect a tent near their home to
feed the congregation.

But in the modern world, parties are the rage. The bigger, bolder and grander;
the better or so is theperception of many families. Some wedding couples
opt for unique features to their reception, such as dance groups or musicians,
childrens entertainment (such as jumping castles, caricature artists, clowns).

Sagan
For those families who stick to a traditional wedding, where the lunch is
served at the temple; sagan (blessing) is given to the newlywed couple straight
after the Anand Karaj. Otherwise, it is given at the reception venue. This
involves guests taking it in turns to bless the couple by giving money.

Brides and grooms remember to stay equipped with a handkerchief-sized

fabric (ideally red, which is considered auspicious) for you to collect your
money during the sagan ceremony!

Roti sagan
As mentioned earlier, the brides family provide food to the wedding
congregation. As a sign of respect, this is brought to the grooms father first
and then fed to the newlyweds.

Ladies milni
Some families opt to do the ladies milni during the wedding reception
because all the relatives are already gathered. Otherwise, they leave it until the
following day.
Dont forget the haar (garlands) and thoothiyan (semi-coconuts filled with dry
fruit), which both sides exchange.
23Wedding favours
The parents will give a wedding favour in the form of something sweet, such
as Indian sweets or chocolates, to the guests. Traditionally, ladoo were given
but overtime people tend to exchange chocolates or biscuits instead.

Dholi
After the reception, close relatives and friends from both families will gather
at the brides paternal home for the dholi, which is when the bride departs to
her new home. The grooms mother doesnt go.

The bride and groom are sat together in a larger room in the house. The
brides parents usually give a gift to both of them, such as watches. Then they
stand and rice is held in a bowl in front of the bride. She scoops handfuls of it
and throws it behind her and in each corner of the room.

This symbolises her declaration that she is leaving her paternal home and
taking nothing with her. The couple are then walked to the car and each
relative takes it in turns to bid farewell.

As the grooms car departs, the brides brothers will push it for
a little distance.Traditionally, the bridewould be carried in a palanquin,
which her brothers would carry to the grooms house.
As the wedding car departs, the grooms father throws money (usually small
change) ahead of the car. In India, this money is picked up by poor children
who are excited and happy at the prospect of getting money. Their happiness
is considered to bring good luck and well wishes on the newlyweds.

Paani vaar

When they arrive to the grooms house, the grooms mother is waiting to greet
her daughter-in-law and son. She stands in the doorway with a garvi (small
pot or glass) full of half water, half milk. She blesses the couple before they
enter by holding the garvi around their heads and trying to drink it. The
groom will playfully try to stop his mother from drinking it. On the seventh
attempt, he lets her drink it. The mother pours a little oil on either side of the
door.
This mischievousness symbolises the happiness in the wedding house at the
arrival of a new family member. The paani vaar is also a means of blessing the
couple and removing any evil eye before they enter the home together.

They are then sat together in the house and told to share a glass of milk. This
is because sharing food or drink is considered to enhance love in a
relationship!

The grooms mother will welcome her daughter-in-law with a gift, which is
often jewellery that is passed down in the family. Then, many families will
celebrate further by partying into the early hours of the night!

Checklist
Book DJ
Arrange wedding cake
Knife to cut cake
Book venue
Venue decoration
Book catering
Book waiting sta
Consider entertainment dancers? Singers? Musicians?
Wedding favours
Haar (garlands) for ladies milni
Thoothiyan for ladies milni
Handkerchief-sized fabric for bride and groom during sagan ceremony
Rice for doli ceremony
Gifts for newlyweds from brides family
Garvi
Oil