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The

Connection Toolbox
12 Tools For Deep Connection

Authors
Bryan Bayer, AMP co-founder
Decker Cunov, AMP co-founder
OVERVIEW OF THE CONNECTION PRACTICES:

Like an NBA basketball player drills on the basics to make art in the moment, or a
martial artist trains in particular moves, these Connection Practices are your chops
for creating deep connection and rewarding interactions.
As you practice your chops, youll find yourself putting these pieces together, doing
combo-moves, and eventually weaving them like a symphony, and as they become
second-nature to you, youll find yourself making ART in your interactions!
THIS IS AN OVERVIEW, NOT A COMPREHENSIVE MANUAL
I could write for days about these practices, but the bottom line is that most of this
stuff is NOT best learned from reading about it. Read through the practices, pick a
couple to explore for a few days, and give it a shot even if youre not completely sure
how it will land, and then adjust from there.
But first, Im going to share with you an article I wrote a couple years ago for our AMP
Inner Circle Members that demonstrates several of these practices in a fun
interaction I had with a woman at a house party.
Im sharing this story with you to show you:
How these Connection Practices apply in a real-world situation even with a woman
whos pretty feisty!
That this isnt just a Decker-only skill I didnt always relate to women like this, but I
learned it, Decker learned it, and YOU can learn this, too.
And since Im an uber-geek about this stuff, Ill break down the stages of the AMP
Holarchy and the AMP Connection Practices as they come into play during the
interaction and note them in Blue.

Intense First Encounter



At a house party I noticed a woman -- she was petite, small features, short curly brown
hair, and cute but looked tense and hard somehow.
We happened to make eye contact, and I found myself playing with her wordlessly,
making faces at her, exaggerating my expression, while maintaining eye contact
Me: <solid eye contact> Hi!
Her: >defiantly> Oh, you dont wanna have a staring contest with ME Ill win.
Me: <eyebrow raised> Oh yeah?
And so it begins we square off, and sure
enough, this girl can hold her own.
[Connection Practice: Playing a Game]
I step closer to amp up the intensity, so were
almost nose-to-nose now, full, unblinking eye
contact, in silence I can feel people in the
party out of the corner of my eye starting to
look at us, like, What are they DOING?

After about 30 seconds, Im feeling tired of this challenger gameIm ready to


change things up a bit.
Me: <gently> Im noticing I want to feel more of a connection with you, than
competition with you (Express a Desire [Integrity])

Her: <suspicious, defiant, still holding eye contact> What do you mean?
Me: <pausing to enjoy her defiance> (Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Me: Well, It feels like were two plus signs <feeling the sensations of tension in my
body - Speaking the Moment [Presence]>
Me: And Im wanting to feel more of a circuit of connection
(Express a Desire [Integrity])

Her: <nodding, slowly, eyes still narrowed. This chick is HARD>


Me: So I could soften, and be more yin, more receptive <doing this as I describe it,
softening my eyes, inviting her into me Im going to make MYSELF vulnerable, to pave
the way for more connection Share Vulnerably [Wholeness] -- Im enjoying myself,
and the challenge>

Her: <nodding slowly, suspicious/defiant>


Me: <smiling now> cause youre SURE as hell not gonna let go (celebrating her
resistance to opening upthis is fun! - Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <face tightening into a tense smile> Damn straight!
<Im laughing at first, then feeling into her softer now>
Me: Oh, I see the times when youve let someone in youve been hurt.
(PRESENCE, APPRECIATION of Shared Humanity between us Offer Reflection
[Appreciation])
Her: <lips pursed, nodding, through a tight jaw, face flushing now> Multiple times.
Me: <Nodding, feeling her> So youve hardened yourself with a shell
<shes softening now, involuntarily, struggling, nodding>
<Im totally with her now, very soft and present with her, allowing myself to be
impacted by her>
Me: to make sure it never happens again
Me: WowI can feel you softening now it feels really good (Share Impact
[Appreciation])
Her: Stop it! <tears starting to well up, looking away, struggling to contain herself>
<Im slowly, with regard, smiling gently, enjoying herputting an arm out, around her
shoulders, to bring her in for a reassuring hug>
Me: Its beautiful, your opening (technically not owning my truth, but this is just
what came out)
<Her eyes really tearing up now, pushing me away angrily, but conflicted, half-
heartedly>
Her: STOP IT!
Me: <pausing, checking, feeling her, staying with her> Do you really mean that?
Seems to me you WANT to be seen (Exploring Dissonance [Integrity])
Me: <feeling into her, really starting to see her world> But its scary
Her: <nodding, wiping a tear away, then, almost suddenly catching herself, and
hardening, angrily> I dont even KNOW you. Why the hell should I trust YOU?
Me: <eyebrows raised, pausing> Good question. Youve got no reason to trust me, do
you? We just met. (APPRECIATION & INTEGRITYRemaining Composed, being a YES
to her test/resistance Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <IMMEDIATELY relaxing> Whoah. Youre good. Every other guy Ive said that to
argues with me, tries to convince me why I should trust him <pausing, looking
closer at me, REALLY engaged now> Who ARE you? Where are you from?
<Im remaining silent now, smiling broadly now, REALLY enjoying this interactionloving
how things are unfolding>
Her: How old are you? Im probably too old for you (shes getting a little wound up,
not quite sure what to do with herselfits adorable)
Me: <putting a hand out, taking her wrist, to ground her a little bit> Lets slow down
for a moment, and just breathe together for a second (Offer Direction [Integrity])
<snip>
We had a fun adventure from here on out
NOW, YOU CAN REFERENCE EACH POINT IN THE STORY WITH THE PRACTICE
THAT WAS BEING APPLIED
Plus, we've gone meticulously through every segment of the Getting Her World
Program and listed examples of where each of these practices is demonstrated, in the
moment, with time codes. So if you're looking to train in a particular practice, you can
simply skip to those spots and watch example after example.

Speak the Moment


PART OF THE HOLARCHY: PRESENCE

OVERVIEW
Speaking the Moment is an aspect of Presence because it requires you to be watching
and listening, in the moment.
It could be argued that most of these practices are expressions of Speaking the
Moment (Explore Incongruity, Offer Reflection, Own A Desire, Reference an Earlier
Theme)
But for the purposes of this guide, Ill refer to Speaking The Moment as whenever
were pointing out an expression, pattern, or defensive habit that weve discussed
before, that were catching in-the-moment, right as it happens.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
A simple, fun example of the joy of speaking the moment:
Im really enjoying your laughter right now (Share Impact, Offer Reflection)
She laughs again
Yes, that! (Speak the Moment)
She laughs again
Yeah, thats it again! (Speak the Moment)
She laughs again
and so on
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:
Offer Reflection
DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD
Jennifer segment 3 (2:43), 9 (2:05), 11 (1:36, 2:44), 12 (1:16), 13 (3:31), 15
(1:32), 16 (3:18), 21 (0:39)

Karina segment 5 (2:07), 9 (0:43), 16 (0:36), 17 (0:50), 24 (1:54), 29 (1:13),

Kendra segment 5 (2:14), 5 (2:40)

Offer Reflection
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

OVERVIEW

My friend and former AMP Facilitator Guy Sengstock is fond of saying, You cant see
your own eyeball.
The power of Offering Reflection is that we get to give someone the gift of themselves,
through our eyes. Its a generous way of living in the world.
Man, theres a lot that I could say about this practice. Ill cover some of the main
points:

OFTEN CONFUSED WITH GIVING COMPLIMENTS


Offering reflection can be confused with giving compliments, and theyre very
different in that theres no inherent EVALUATION inside of offering a reflection, as
opposed to compliments, which are generally positive. Whereas the goal of a
compliment Youre great Youre pretty You are very generous is usually to make
someone feel good, the goal(more an opportunity, really) of Offering Reflection is to
have them feel uniquely seen -- and to speak to the deeper layers of BEING, to that
persons ESSENCE.
EXAMPLE OF OFFERING REFLECTION
This is an excerpt from a blog post written by a girl who Id recently met -- she calls me
Caleb for anonymity purposes. It demonstrates the power of Offering Reflection over
Giving Compliments:
--------------
"You have the most beautiful eyes, DOES NOT BEAT:
"You know what I like about you. You have no filter. You say what you want to say
and it's not awkward or mean. It's just what you want to say." THIS is what Caleb
said.
"Your skin is like...porcelain," DOES NOT BEAT:
"Have you always been this innocent? This full of wonder?" THIS is what Caleb said.
Written down--maybe the innocent thing sounds cheesy, untrue, a ridiculous
exaggeration. But honestly, I am innocent. I am full of wonder. Despite all the men,
despite all the threesomes, despite the recent broken heart, despite the BDSM and
the orgies and the strapons--I'm innocent. I'm full of wonder. I look at this world I'm in
and created for myself and I'm like--ahh. Wonderful.
These are things that Caleb said. Because he was responding to what I was giving him.
----------------
Its not so much the words as the flavor behind the wordshopefully this helps clarify
the tone of Offering Reflection

Offering Reflection isnt inherently positive or negative Ive offered reflection that
most people might consider negative, yet they felt seen, and we felt closer as a
result.

TO A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, I OFFERED THIS REFLECTION --


NOT NECESSARILY GOOD OR BAD:
You know, my experience of you is that you have no morals. It seems that theres a
part of you that actually doesnt care about ANY of this. And while that has me
concerned about whether you have my best interests in mind, I also find you incredibly
trustable, because since you ARE so unplugged from needing anyone to feel good
about you or to like you, it frees you up to say WHATEVER is really true for you and
THAT is something I find really trustable about you.
So, as you can see, it doesn't have to be all positive. And you can see that I mixed in
Offering Reflection with Sharing Impact they go really well together.
There are different types of offering reflection, as well. Here are a couple:
TYPES OF OFFERING REFLECTION
Emotional-Summary Reflections Feeling into the emotional sentiment behind
someones words, and offering the emotional summary of what theyre sharing.
Example: Someones talking fondly, longingly about their deceased Dad, sharing story
after story the Emotional-Summary Reflection might be, What I'm getting is that you
really love and miss your Dad...
This is powerful for helping people bottom-line what they're trying to say, and reflect
that back to them so they know you get it.
Acknowledgement An acknowledgement is an especially powerful type of reflection,
often woven in with the practice of Sharing Impact the impact and contribution that
theyve had on you and your life. In our AMP/AuthenticWorld community, we often
honor people at their birthdays with an acknowledgement circle, where we share our
experience of them, and who they are for us in our lives.
Example: Garrison, I want to acknowledge you for the idea for Getting Her World, and
your level of attention to detail that has it being as professionally produced as it is.
Even as I feel crazy when we spend too much time working together, I've really enjoyed
this project with you. I feel honored to have worked with you on this, and proud to have
you and this program represent us and our work.
And, there are more types Speaking The Moment is specific practice thats a form of
Offering Reflection as well
Regardless of the type, one important consideration about Offering Reflection is this:

BE WILLING TO BE HAVE YOUR REFLECTION NOT MATCH UP WITH THEIR


EXPERIENCE OF THEMSELVES
Be open to being totally OFF about their experience, and willing to co-explore it with
them. If their experience REALLY doesnt match yours, this is where the practice of
EXPLORING INCONGRUITY is useful (covered later in this guide)

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH OFFERING REFLECTION:



I find myself Offering Reflection ALL the time, with lots of people in my life. My friend
Kal has even commented on it, offering ME the reflection that I tend to Offer Reflection
a lot!
And, one of the super-powers of our AMP Intensives and our unique circling
methodology is that we offer a LOT of reflection. This tends to take people deeper into
their OWN experience, and deepens the level of trust between us when they know that
were tracking what its like to be THEM, and they often feel safer to go much deeper
than they otherwise would.
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:

Exploring Incongruity
Sharing Impact

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


In the bonus video, Intersubjective Meditation Practice, Garrison and Bodhi (one of
our AMP women) go deeply into Offering Reflection, Sharing Impact, Exploring
Incongruity, and Speaking the Moment, facilitated by Decker an awesome example of
these practices.

Other good examples:


In Segment 18 of Getting Her World Decker tells Karina, Youre like most guys
dream girl. And goes on to share why
In Segment 4, Decker reflects to Jennifer his experience of how she tends to override
her resistance at times
Other Examples:
Karina segment 3 (0:54), 4 (0:53, 1:03, 2:11) 5 (0:55, 1:51), 6 (1:23), 7 (1:04), 8
(2:05), 9 (3:00), 11 (2:57), 14 (0:56), 15 (2:54), 16 (0:57, 1:58, 2:23, 4:35), 17
(0:38, 1:45), 18 (0:24, 2:27), 19 (0:41), 23 (4:24), 24 (3:03, 5:11), 25 (0:44), 27
(4:10, 5:33), 32 (4:38), 33 (3:05), 36 (4:10)
Jennifer segment 1 (4:41, 14:06), 2 (1:11, 1:28), 3 (:20, 2:36), 4 (:37, 1:16, 2:57),
5 (4:05), 9 (1:13), 10 (2:54, 5:43), 18 (3:20), 21 (2:45, 4:18, 7:12)
Kendra segment 2 (1:02, 1:18), 4 (2:11), 5 (0:53), 6 (3:44)
Share Impact

PART OF THE HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

OVERVIEW
Ok, this one is key, which is why I made a whole video about it on the blog --
http://blog.gettingherworld.com/?p=15
When youre getting another persons world, youre asking questions (often lots of
them), to clarify and flesh out what their world is like. Whenever I do this with women
Ive first met, they sometimes get a little bristly, like, What, are you trying to
psychoanalyze me? And while I might joke with them at first (Embrace Resistance,
right) Yes, Im checking to see how crazy you are, if theyre still wary, Ill Share My
Desire that my reason for asking questions is that Im wanting to understand what
its like to be them
Its actually two parts
The first part is being willing to ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IMPACTED.
This means being willing to feel what shes feeling. Embrace intense sensations and
emotions (the FULL RANGE) actually LEAN INTO THEM, relish them, savor them
retrain your habitual patterns of recoiling from intensity (whether its to plow
through, dissociate, or withdraw) learn to stay present with intensity.
The second part is to SHARE THAT IMPACT
As I mention in the video, this is an important part of balancing the relationship
between you and the person whose world you are getting. Without it, you may come
off as a therapist, and end up in more of a facilitator role rather than someone youre
co-exploring a connection with.
The steps are listed on the blog post, as I mentioned, and its illustrated with clips from
the Getting Her World Program, so I will only go into them briefly here:
Step 1: Notice What it's like to be with YOURSELF -- what's the flavor? Sensations,
emotions, etc...
Step 2: Notice what it's like to be with THEM -- what's the flavor? Sensations, emotions,
etc...
Step 3: Find the difference between how you feel with YOURSELF, and how you feel
with THEM
Step 4: SHARE with them the impact that they are having on you.
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:

Ive found that the more I share the impact theyre having on me, the talking about
stuff level of conversation drops away, and in its place is an in-the-moment
exploration -- What am I noticing? What are you noticing? What shows up in the
space of us, together?

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:



Share Desire (when theyre wondering why youre asking lots of questions )

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


In the Intersubjective Meditation Practice, Garrison and Bodhi (one of our AMP
women) go deeply into offering reflection, sharing impact, and speaking the moment,
facilitated by Decker an awesome example of these practices. This is an extra
bonus youll receive when you purchase Getting Her World.
Other Examples:

Jennifer segments 5 (4:13), 11 (2:05), 14 (1:40), 21 (0:44)

Karina segments 3 (2:38), 5 (1:05), 6 (1:35, 2:14), 7 (1:16. 1:32, 2:14), 9 (2:32,
3:33), 10 (0:31), 13 (0:19, 1:05), 14 (1:04), 15 (3:05), 22 (0:44), 23 0:44), 26
(2:15), 27 (2:24), 29 (2:03), 30 (1:34)

Kendra segments 6 (6:50, 10:11), 8 (2:45), 11 (2:29), 13 (4:26)

Genuine Curiosity
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

OVERVIEW
This is a Foundational practice the ground upon which all practices rest.
Without Genuine Curiosity, theres no possibility of getting another persons world.
Many guys say they have trouble accessing their Genuine Curiosity, especially around
women theyre attracted to, or people whose opinion they care about.
So, heres a tool you can use to access your Genuine Curiosity:
Imagine that your new job is to play the role of that person in a play or theatrical
performance. In this case, it would be important for you to know exactly what their
inner world is like. Youd probably ask them lots of questions, to clarify their inner
world, so that you could play it as faithfully as possible onstage.
What kinds of questions and further-clarifying questions would you ask in this
imaginary scenario? Let this thought experiment be your guide, and you will find it
much easier to access Genuine Curiosity.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
Ive found that my Genuine Curiosity in other people has grown stronger and stronger
over the years, as Ive cultivated it.

Personal Note From Bryan



Ive always been a naturally curious person as a child, I would drive my dad crazy
when wed watch movies together, because I was constantly asking him questions.
Dad, why did that guy shoot that other guy? Dad, how come shes so angry right
now? My dad would try to answer them, but eventually get exasperated, I dont
know, Bryan, Im watching the same movie you are!

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:


All of em this is the foundational practice

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Whenever a question in GHW is asked, Genuine Curiosity is present

Embrace Resistance

PART OF THE HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION


THE PRACTICE:

Whenever her closure/protections/resistance/defenses come up, its often a sign
that she wants to open up deeper, and is checking to see if its really safe to do so.
This protection may show up as testing (jabs, attacks, coldness, defiance, anger,
challenge) or withdrawal and silence.
So, how to respond to it? Well, first, we recommend that you

DONT FREEZE HER OUT


If her resistance is coming up, there are more artful ways of dealing with it than
freezing her out -- aka punish by withdrawing attention as some assholish pickup
artist wisdom propagates.

Instead, we recommend you

BECOME A CONNOISSEUR OF HER RESISTANCE!


The practice of Embracing Resistance in this case is to invite out and celebrate the
resistance become a connoisseur of her resistance. Is it more of a tough girl
energy? Or more withdrawn, aloof, cold? Or, is it jabby and abrasive, with an
undertone of You dont really care about me anyway ?
Whats the flavor, the texture, the shape of her resistance?
In any case, theres an opportunity to explore, honor, and acknowledge this protective
mechanism, its here for a reason. These mechanisms are designed to keep us safe,
physically and emotionally, from potentially traumatic experiences.
If we try to convince her, shame/belittle her, plow over it, or somehow get around
it, were shortcutting a massive opportunity for Getting Her World (more intimacy,
connection, juicy depth and richness etc.).

EXAMPLE OF EMBRACING RESISTANCE FROM THE HOUSE PARTY STORY


Her: I dont even KNOW you. Why the hell should I trust YOU?
Me: <eyebrows raised, pausing> Good question. Youve got no reason to trust me, do
you? We just met. (APPRECIATION & INTEGRITYRemaining Composed, being a YES
to her test/resistance Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <IMMEDIATELY relaxing> Whoah. Youre good. Every other guy Ive said that to
argues with me, tries to convince me why I should trust him <pausing, looking
closer at me, REALLY engaged now> Who ARE you? Where are you from?

Part of the beauty of connecting in a way that Gets Her World is that if theres
resistance, defensiveness, or guardedness, then THAT is what you connect with her
about an acknowledgement of whats happening, IN THE MOMENT, including
wherever she might be feeling closed, resistant, defensive. See other examples in
Deckers interactions with Karina in the Getting Her World Program

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I find this particular practice really easy, if shes being overtly hostile towards me.
However, if her protective mechanism is one of dismissal or disdain, I tend to get
triggered and reactive, and really have to watch my Composure in those moments.
Deckers the opposite. He can handle a woman being dismissive, but gets triggered if
shes being shaming or hostile. So, it varies from person to person. What is the flavor
of feminine resistance that triggers YOU?

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD

Karina segments 9 (0:18), 11 (1:00), 15 (3:53),16 (1:04, 4:42), 18 (0:57, 2:03), 24


(4:01)
Jennifer segments 3 (0:49), 8 (:43, 1:57), 9 (:36), 10 (1:36), 13 (1:28), 14 (:28,
1:15)
Kendra segments 6 (2:32, 3:13), 7 (3:02), 8 (0:11), 13 (2:50)

Offer Direction
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY

OVERVIEW
This is a fun one! This practice is about taking the lead, taking her on a ride, making
her feel like a woman, or being the banks of the river for her to flow inside of, to
paraphrase David Deida
For me, this is about checking in with what Im wanting in the moment, then feeling into
her, where shes at, and what SHEs wanting in the moment, then offering a direction
that would have us feeling more love, closeness, connection, joy, aliveness whatever
seems to be called for in the moment.
It may look like
Lets play a game.
Lets take a deep breath together
Give me your hand.
Lets go get some Thai food.
Turn over.
Lets get out of here.
Ive called it Offer Direction rather than Set Direction because at any given moment,
while it may sound like Im issuing orders, Im actually doing simply that offering a
direction, while staying totally open to a different course of action, depending on her
response to what Ive just offered.
OFFERING DIRECTION CAN BE WORDLESS
if youre walking down the street together, you can be Offering Direction simply by
steering her aroundI tend to take whatever bags shes holding as were walking
together, to free her up, and then guide us, arm in arm..
Offering Direction wordlessly also shows up during sex, where youre directing her with
your arms, your body, and your breathing

ITS OFTEN ARTFULLY COMBINED WITH OWNING A DESIRE


By vulnerably sharing the intention behind your desire
I want you closercome sit by me.
Im noticing Im wanting to see what happens if we relax out of words for awhile, and
just be here in silence
I want you out of those clothes as soon as possible. Come home with me.
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
Ive spent years cultivating this more masculine way of relating, and recently Ive
backed off of it, I realized Id had it as that the guy HAS to be always the one setting
direction and taking the lead but if you listen to the recent interview I did (Getting
Bryans World a bonus for the Getting Her World release), Ive actually had some
pretty profound breakthroughs recently around relaxing into TAKING DIRECTION, being
willing to be led, and letting go of any dogma about how an interaction SHOULD be.
Youll also see Decker be willing to TAKE DIRECTION in GHW when Jennifer ups the
ante (Segment 16) in the Color Echo game Decker initially offers, by suggesting that
it be a PSYCHIC Color Echo Game (much tougher!). And if Decker had decided, No, I
am the man, Im the one whos setting direction, they would have missed out on the
incredible psychic magic that emerged.
So bottom line is, offering direction can be a fun, powerful way of taking the interaction
to new, deep and exciting places but as soon as it becomes dogma (that you HAVE
to do it), its less effective for joy, turn-on & connection, in my experience.

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:


Own a Desire

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Jennifer segments 5 (3:28), 11 (2:50, 3:02), 20 (0:55)
Kendra segments 13 (0:50, 1:05, 2:45, 6:40)
14 (2:46, 4:05) - playing games, and Decker inviting her to let go and open deeper a
very sweet and powerful pair of segments.
Set Context
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY

OVERVIEW
This is a super-powerful practice, because it shapes and impacts the tone, direction,
and vibe for the entire interaction. It answers the question, Why? Why are we
talking right now? Whats the context of this interaction?
The classic line, So, youre probably wondering why Ive gathered you all here today
is an example of setting context
Setting context is often used at the beginning of an interaction, to set the boundaries:

The Context for Getting Her World


Garrison and Decker set a LOT of context for the women being filmed in Getting Her
World before they were filmed. The context was,
We want to have Decker ask you questions and explore what its like to be YOU. Its
not a date, and its not an interview, and while flirting may happen, were not teaching
seduction, were teaching how to get another persons world. The purpose is so that
we can share this with other men, to have more rewarding interactions and
conversations. So, there are going to be cameras, a crew, etc
When Jennifer asks Decker, Are we allowed tohere? she was asking for
clarification of the Context are they allowed to feel and express their turn-on and
attraction with each other? Decker clarifies the context, This is our space. We can
do whatever we want.
By setting context (the Why), at the beginning, everything else happens inside the
container thats created.

Setting Context is also often used in conjunction with the practice of Owning a Desire.
At the beginning of a first meeting:
Hi, I saw you, and thought you were super cute/seemed interesting/have a great
laugh, and I want to get to know you better over a cup of coffee. Im offering a context
for our interaction.
Setting Context can be used at the beginning of a date, The reason I asked you out is
because you seemed like a person Id really enjoy spending time with, regardless of
where it goes.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I set context all the time in my interactions, in my business/networking connections, at
the beginning of an AMP Intensive weekend, and with my personal connections.
Im likely to use some version of the examples I gave above in any given interaction with
a woman.
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:
Owning A Desire
Offering Reflection

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Jennifer segments 1 (0:48, 3:59), 1 (0:48, 3:59, 5:45, 6:21), 3 (3:31)

Karina segment 4 (0:14, 5:12)

Kendra segment 9 (0:45)

Own a Desire
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY

OVERVIEW
Ok, this is one of my favorites. And its so important, that we created an entire
program about this practicehttp://AuthenticSexualPower.com (shameless plug
yes!)
There are so many cool things that happen when you own a desire.
Its sharing something about YOU its acknowledging that your desires are
important and relevant to the interaction
And, Owning your Desire can instantly shape and redirect the interaction taking it
deeper, bring more lightness and fun, or ignite massive turn-on and attraction all
simply by feeling whats true for you, and expressing your desire!
What separates Owning a Desire it from simply sharing information about your desire,
is this very important key: you feel your desire as fully as possible, as you express it
with her.
This distinction is what gives Owning a Desire to take the interaction from the
Informational/Personal Level to the Relational or even Transpersonal Level. For more
on the 5 Levels of

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I love Owning Desire as a practice

Lets Just Shut Up For Awhile


On dates or interactions with women, I often find myself engaging with them similarly
to how Decker does with both Jennifer and Karina I notice Im wanting to relax out of
words for awhile, and see what arises in the silence between us, together. When
Decker asks Karina for her highlights of their conversation, Karina immediately
responds, I liked the silent parts best. Honor the power of silence!

You may combine it with Offering Direction:


Hey, I notice Im wanting to get some fresh air. Want to take a walk?
You may combine it with Sharing Vulnerably:
It feels really forward of me to say this, butI would love to take you home tonight.
This feels really risky, butI want you to move in, and live with me.
I feel scared to share this with you, butI really want some space. I want to take a
break for a couple of weeks.

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:


Share Vulnerably Owning a Desire can be a vulnerable expression of what youre
wanting
Offer Direction Owning a Desire often inherently Offers a Direction for the
interaction to go.
Play A Game Similarly, when you invite someone to play a game with you, youre
inherently Owning a Desire
DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD
Jennifer segment 5 (3:37), 11 (3:28), 14 (4:23), 15 (0:52), 17 (0:43), 18 (5:05)

Karina segment 19 (1:20), 19 (3:12), 23 (4:17), 36 (3:52)

Kendra segment 4 (2:19), 8 (4:25), 10 (2:05), 12 (1:16), 14 (0:32)

Explore Incongruity
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY


OVERVIEW
This practice is often used when she says one thing, but her body seems to be saying
another thing.
Some people would say this is the same as Calling Her Out, or Calling Bullshit, but
one of the principles of AMP is
Own Our Truth: We are not the authorities on another persons experience, only our
own.
So we are staying open to the possibility that we are completely OFF about our
interpretation of their experience. At the same time, were not abandoning or ignoring
our own experience, even if it doesnt match up with theirs.

Calling someones defensive incongruence bullshit is not conducive to inviting out


parts of us that are tender or vulnerable and these are the sweetest places to
explore, in my experience! So, if theres a mismatch between what were experiencing
and what theyre saying, it doesnt mean we let it slide.
It also doesnt mean we have to use NVC (Non-Violent Communication)-style own-your-
experience language, like Im noticing a difference between your experience and my
own. You can put it into common-language. A simple, open-hearted and curious
street-talk, Hmm, that doesnt fit for me can still be a playful way of Exploring
Incongruity, without acting like we know what another persons experience is.
This is a more advanced practice to do artfully, but this is ALSO often where well
discover new things about each other that we never knew before-- exciting places!
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:

Speaking the Moment


Sharing Impact

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Decker and Karina in Segment 9, where hes exploring the situation with the guy who
picked her up in the club, whether she calmly told him, Im going to bite you
Karina Segment 18, where he explores whether she actually WAS looking forward to
being more available to receive acknowledgements
In the bonus video, Intersubjective Meditation Practice Garrison and Bodhi (one of
our AMP women) go deeply into Exploring Incongruity in part 3 -- facilitated by Decker
an awesome example of this practice.
Other Examples:
Karina segments 5 (2:57), 6 (0:34), 9 (1:53, 7:21), 18 (1:02), 24 (1:38)
(Not much of this practice with Kendra and Jennifer segment).

Share Vulnerably

PART OF THE HOLARCHY: WHOLENESS

OVERVIEW
Sharing vulnerably is often used in conjunction with Sharing Impact. Its part of what
balances the interaction from being a one-sided exploration of HER world only
Ive included it as an aspect of Wholeness, because it requires us to be willing to
expose ourselves, and be open to being judged, made wrong, or shamedand this is
made possible through Wholeness --- being completely right with ourselves, and
these vulnerable places.

WHEN ITS APPLIED


Ive found that oftentimes Im content to explore HER world without even going into
mine for a large part of the interaction AND, eventually it seems the conversation will
naturally turn towards, What about you? Ive been doing all the talking here This
is an opportunity for you to bring YOURSELF fully, to meet her (if not go deeper) in
terms of the vulnerability of your sharing with her.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:

A lot of what I share in our articles, newsletters, interviews and blog posts are
vulnerable stories about my challenges, edges, and fall-on-my-face failures in fact, I
often open up our AMP Intensive courses by sharing my story of how that bastard
Decker stole the ballet dancer Id fallen in love with. ;) All of this is in support of
creating a space of safety to talk about whats real.
Even at dinner parties or other social situations, Ill share whats most vulnerable for
me at the moment, because it sets the tone for the night that it is actually OK here to
talk about stuff you wouldnt normally be willing to talk about it creates a safe space
for real and authentic connection, that people can step into. A space of, Ok, wow,
theres a lot of places this conversation could go.

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:



Share Impact
Own A Desire (when theyre wondering why youre asking lots of questions)

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Jennifer segments 3 (1:27, 8:16), 4 (1:52), 5 (0:30), 16 (4:23, 6:10), 18 (0:49)

Karina segments 2 (0:22), 4(0:09), 12 (2:57), 15 (2:47), 17 (1:13), 23 (3:54), 27


(1:35), 31 (0:40), 34 (1:00)

Kendra segments 16 (1:35)

Reference Earlier Theme


PART OF THE HOLARCHY: PLAY/PRESENCE

This is also listed as part of Presence because it requires us to track the interaction,
notice patterns arising, and Speak the Moment -- catching the theme being played
out in the interaction.
OVERVIEW
This is a fun way to play with different threads of conversation. Its not a critical
ingredient for a rewarding conversation, but it does add richness and depth, because
it brings to our awareness that the conversations we have can be like weaving a
tapestry together, with patterns emerging dynamically in the moment
It can be challengingbecause it requires you to be tracking whats been said prior,
and to watch for it when these topics re-emerge. So, bonus artistry points when you
do use it!
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
This is more of Deckers specialty than mine. He has the rare ability to track exactly,
almost verbatim, whats been spoken and so its effortless for him to track themes,
even multiple ones at the same time.
That said, I often do follow a theme every now and then in a conversation, and its fun
to re-reference them its a fun way to demonstrate how closely Ive been
listeningand give her (or whomever Im relating with) a real experience of being
deeply listened-to and, as I mentioned, enriches the interaction when we have a
sense that were co-creating something together
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:
Speak The Moment Referencing An Earlier Theme is actually a subset of Speaking
the Moment -- used in conjunction with the other practice:
Offering Reflection Often youll be reflecting back to them the fact that something
you covered in the past is showing up with them in the conversation right now and
so Referencing a Theme is also a way of Offering Reflection.

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Jennifer segment 2 (3:01), 5 (1:04) 8 (:32), 10 (3:43), 16 (1:08)

Karina segment 11 (3:26), 16 (1:37), 17 (1:34), 19 (0:59), 23 (0:53), 23 (5:22),


24 (1:17), 36 (4:21)

Kendra segment 5 (1:44)

Play a Game
PART OF THE HOLARCHY: PLAY, OF COURSE

OVERVIEW
Lets play a game
I dont think Ive ever been out on a date or been talking to someone and they refused
this invitation. Theres something about playing games that puts us immediately back
into the carefree arena of childhood, where our interactions are not in order to pay
the bills, make someone like us, or get other basic needs met. We play a game
because its FUN TO PLAY, for its own sake.
For a list of the connection games played in the Getting Her World program, go to:
http://gettingherworld.com/bonus947
A simple way to start this is to offer, Lets play a game and then you make up a new
game, together, in the moment! It can be a silly or simple game, but the process of
creating the game together can be just as fun as playing the game itself.
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I love playing games. Its just such a rich, dynamic way of bringing value, creativity, and
play to an interaction.
Ive found that the best ones arise dynamically in the moment, either created on-the-fly,
or it just pops into my mind to play a game I happen to already know I enjoy

GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:
Offer Direction Playing a game is a subset of Offering Direction

DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD


Jennifer segment 16 (3:05), 21 (3:42, 5:04)

Karina segment 23 (2:31), 30 (0:16), 31 (0:11)

Kendra segment 5 (0:25), 6 (0:16), 14 (1:48)


SUMMARY
So, those are the 12 Practices for Deep Connection:

My suggestion is that each week, you pick 1 or 2 of the practices


outlined here that appealed to you most, and take them on for
the week apply them in your interactions see what turns up!
If you order Getting Her World, you can post your results on the
AMP Dojo, our interactive learning environment for Getting Her
World. http://AmpDojo.com
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