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Wail Hamid
Mr. Kemp
ENG-3UI
July 9, 2010
In a relationship, it is assumed that each partner shares equal responsibility, however,
itthat task may be molded. This can affect the relationship in an either positive or negative
way. In the poem “To All the Boys I've Ever Loved”, by Mayda Del Valle, Mayda states that in
a relationship, women carry the burdens and responsibilities of men, while men's actions
accumulate the burden on women. In the poem, Mayda conveys the idea that a woman's role
Del Valle begins the poem by statingaying the constant disrespect she is getting in
relationships. She then goes on to say that it is not the woman’s job to teach the man how to
be respectful, and responsible. “We are not your mothers/ and are not meant to be/ itIt is not
our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings” (Del Valle, lines 1-3). Del Valle is trying to
emphasize that men don’t have the respect needed to maintain a successful relationship. Del
Valle’s viewpoint on the respect that women receive from men is negative. She also states
that men are immature in relationships, and that it is not women’s jobs to teach them respect,
which, in turn, creates a greater burden on women. This can lead to relationship problems,
such as divorce, and wouldn't allow the woman to provide in the relationship. Furthermore Del
Valle tries to add a sense of sympathy to her poem by saying: “We’ve become much too
accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows/ have become accustomed to waiting for
our empty beds” (Del Valle, lines 8-9). Through this, she tries to create the impression that
women have to deal with more than men; this fortifies that women have a greater burden. A
mutual relationship requires both partners to have great respect for each other.
Another reason that Del Valle's perspective of men creating stress on women in a
relationship is that she believes men are dishonest. Del Valle says: “You said you had a
photographic memory/ but apparently you forgot that honesty/ begins by being real with
yourself” (Del Valle, 34-36). Del Valle is implying that men lie to themselves to shield
themselves from the reality around them. This can affect a relationship negatively, in the way
that if a person can't accept the fact that they are dishonest, and is lying to themselflf, they will
be dishonest to their partner. Another way Del Valle portrays that men are dishonest in a
relationship is that she says: “...to waiting for our empty beds/ to be weighed down with the
bodies of men heavy with the scent/ and the hands of other women”(Del Valle, lines 9-11). Del
Valle is stating that in her relationships, men came home late with the smell of other women.
This could lead to dishonesty, and unfaithfulness in the relationship, which could lead to an
unhealthy relationship, in the sense that each partner may not feel mutually attracted to the
other. This can create a burden to one of the members of the relationship.
The final point that Del Valle makes in the poem is that men don't have the commitment
to maintain a relationship. She explains this by saying: “...yet you come to us/ wounded with
half promises that you can only keep half the time”(Del Valle, lines 5-6). This proves that men
can not maintain relationships because they can not keep promises, or stay committed to the
relationship. She also says: “Up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give
away to be returned.” Here, she is doubting men's ability to maintain a relationship by saying
that the love women give isn't returned by men. She is saying that the lack of commitment
shown by men can completely alter the relationship/ This implies that in a relationship,
commitment, and liability is key, otherwise the relationship becomes flawed, and may end
early.
Mayda's viewpoint of how relationships work is that women acquire most of the roles
and responsibilities, while men create a burden for women. She proves this by stating that
men are disrespectful, dishonest, and are not committed enough. The main point she is trying
to prove is that in a relationship, both parties must have all of these traits for a mutual
Del Valle, Mayda. "To All The Boys I've Loved Before." Youtube. KateJB2, 30 Aug. 2008. Web. 7 July 2010.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9tlQMSovCk>.