JASON CHAFFETZ

2236 Rayburn House

Ofce Building
Washington, DC 20515
MISSION
I am seeking a challenging position that provides rewarding opportunities for self-
promotion preferably in a television media setting a salary well in excess of the
$174,000 I now receive, and affords the chance to spend more time with my family,
especially my daughter, whom I have been unable to look in the eye since Donald Trump
won the White House.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Jan. 2009 - Present
U.S. House of Representatives, Utahs 3rd Congressional District
As chairman of the House Oversight Committee, relentlessly pursued
investigations of Benghazi, Fast and Furious, Benghazi, Hillarys emails, the IRS, and
Benghazi
Relentlessly ignored Russian ties to the Trump administration and conicts of
interests involving the Trump businesses
Passed eight pieces of legislation, including the landmark Rex E. Lee Post Ofce
designation, the South Utah Electric Conveyance Act, and the Bonneville Unit Clean
Hydropower Facilitation Act, all while micromanaging Washington, D.C., government
and sleeping on a cot in my ofce
Lost a leg wrestling match to Stephen Colbert
Took turns with rest of Utah delegation bringing soup to Sen. Orrin Hatch and
listening to his stories about how Congress used to be back in his day
Maintained smugness and condescension, even when being yelled at by
constituents and paid agitators
Spring 2004 - Oct. 2005
Campaign manager and then Chief of Staff to Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman
In a few short months, became almost universally detested by governors staff
before rejoining the private sector

Dec. 1991 - Mid 2002

Director of Public Relations for NuSkin Enterprises
Focused on promoting a multilevel-marketing scheme while building my downline
After being put in charge of Australian operations for NuSkin, used unapproved
dietary supplements to create mutant strain of superpowered crime-ghting wallabies

EDUCATION
Brigham Young University, Class of 1989
Earned a double major, with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications with an
emphasis on Political Opportunism, as well as a degree in Field Goal Kicking
Received top marks on senior thesis entitled, The Hair Flip: A Kickers Secret
Weapon
Abandoned both Judaism and my Democratic roots, enabling me to t in
seamlessly at BYU

SKILLS & EXPERIENCE

Proven inability to understand charts and graphs, especially those pertaining to
Planned Parenthood
Appeared on countless media outlets including: Fox News, Fox Radio, Fox Online,
Fox and Friends, Fox and Acquaintances, and featured co-host at Bill OReillys 2015
Unwelcome Grope-a-thon