Simounet 1

Sunny Simounet
Professor Grefski
ENGL 102*05
21 February 2017

Imagining Readers Badge

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are
endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life,
Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are
instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,
--That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the
Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its
foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall
seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that
Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes;
and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer,
while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they
are accustomed.

It is true, that everyone is born equal. This means that every boy and girl, of every age
and color, are given rights that cannot be taken away from them. Everybody has the
right to live life, be free, and do things that make them happy. Governments, which are
really just big groups of men with fancy suits, and lots of power, work to make sure that
everyone keeps their rights. If the powerful men in suits dont do their jobs right, the
people who live in the United States are allowed to fire, and get rid of them. The people
of America, just like you, can pick a new group of powerful men, and help to make new
rules that make everyone feel safer and happier. The big group of powerful men, will not
be changed if small problems begin to show up. Americans have learned that people
are more likely to let themselves be in trouble, instead of getting rid of things that they
are used to.

Whilst writing my revision, I imagined that an audience of middle class, fourth and
fifth grade students, from the United States, would eventually be reading it. In fourth and
fifth grade, children tend to range from the ages of eight to ten. These children have
most likely just begun learning about important events, and people in United States
history. It is probable that the students knowledge on the topic of the Declaration of
Independence is very minimal. What I would assume, is that the students lesson on the
 Simounet 2

Declaration of Independence was vague, only being taught the most basic facts and
ideas. These students could probably tell us that, the Declaration of Independence was
a very important piece of paper signed by many men, with the biggest signature being
John Hancocks.
I changed my writing style by exempting any advanced or difficult vocabulary.
When I read a difficult word in the original version of the Declaration of Independence, I
attempted to think of the simplest form of that word, or break it down into descriptive
phrases which younger children might understand. For example, I repetitively described
government as a big group of powerful men in fancy suits. By giving the students a
visual representation, it is easier for them to possibly grasp what I am speaking of. I
have no hint to whether these students might know what a government is, or does, so I
tried my best to aid in their understanding. I also tried to shorten the length of my
sentences, as children tend to get lost as words drone on. The tone which I would
normally write in, changed to one which I might use when speaking to someone who
has no prior knowledge of what I am speaking upon. I made the assumption that my
audience has zero inclination to what the Declaration of Independence is, and used
small, common, words which would most likely be implemented in elementary school
curriculum. Thinking back to what I knew when I was in fourth and fifth grade, guided
me in my writing and prompted me to make the changes that I did. My stylistic choices
better appeal to my audiences need by reverberating important ideas in a context that
they understand. By placing phrases such as, boys and girls, and just like you, into
my revision, it makes it seem more relatable. By informing the students that the
Declaration of Independence has impact on their lives, they can better understand why it
was created in the first place.
The only phrase which I chose to leave out of my revision was, that they are
endowed by their Creator. I chose not to touch upon this phrase due to the complexity
of the words and reference to God. The idea within the original statement is that the
rights that all men possess were given to them at birth, by God. I didnt want to perplex
the students, and add too many ideas into my revision. I instead decided to focus on the
fact that these rights are ones that everyone has, and they cannot be taken away.
Speaking upon where the rights came from might be too confusing, especially if the
students arent religious. I dont believe I included any ideas that werent in the original
work. If anything, the only thing I truly added was further defining what a government
was, and I did this for the sake of simplifying my revision.