Tralam-m

founding relationships on Vajrayana principles

by Ngakchang Rinpoche & Khandro Dchen

Buddhas such as Padmasambhava and Yesh Tsogyel are capable of engaging with multiple partners
because their tralam-m is non-dual and therefore incapable of being disturbed. The tralam-m of an
enlightened being is compassionately chameleoid and dances with the poetic turbulences of anyone who
is open. When Buddhas engage sexually with dualised beings, those beings are vastly benefited.

Those who are familiar with our commentary on the five precepts will realise that the language employed
is particular to us. The details of the text however, are traditional. The way in which the precepts relate to
the inner tantras is particular to the Ug-dong Khandro Nying-thig mDo (Ug mDong Kha gro sNying thig
mDo Uluka-mukha Dakini Upadesha Sutra).

ugor uluka in Sanskritmeans owl. Dongor mukhameans faced. Thus: ug-dong Khandro
Nying-thig mDo means Heart Essence Sutra of the Owl-faced Dakini. The Owl-faced Dakini is the
central yidam and Protectress of the Sutras as they are described in the language and through the view of
Dzogchen. These teachingswith regard to sexualityare detailed within Entering the Heart of the Sun
and Moon (Aro Books, 2009).

In the Ug-dong Khandro Nying-thig mDo the precept concerning sexual misconduct is linked specifically
with the Khandro Pawo Nyi-da Mlong Gyd (mKha gro dPa bo nyi zLa me long rGyud). In the Nyi-da
Mlong, it is stated that pawo-khandro reflection is obfuscated by multiple partners within the same time
frame. Because of this we discourage open relationship in our public teachings. As far as our own
apprentices are concerned open relationship and promiscuity are not deemed appropriate behaviour. It is
deemed impossible to practice the Khandro Pawo Nyi-da Mlong Gyd unless one is monogamous in
ones relationship. Serial monogamy is perfectly acceptable within these terms of reference as long as
the time frames involved do not become stroboscopic.

Monogamy is advocated because the profound nyam of khandro-pawo reflection arises by virtue of
interactions between coruscations within the tralam-m (khra lam me poetic turbulences, or vivid fire
of resonance) of the individuals who fall in love. Tralam-m is an energetic within the subtle atmosphere
of the body. These poetic turbulences facilitate mirroring through the rhyming of their coruscations.

This subtle yet powerful interplay allows entry into the visionary dimension in which our inner pawo or
khandro can be realised. Through this method, and through the mlong-gazing methods of the Nyi-da
Mlong, we can achieve realisation with extraordinary ease. The potent characteristics of these
coruscations or poetic turbulences however, can be destroyed through adulterating them with more
than one pattern of coruscations. If these coruscations are adulterated often enough in ones life, one can
lose the capacity to experience pawo-khandro reflection completely.

At low levels of practice one might not notice ones sensual flatness of affect, but for anyone who has
experience beyond shi-n, the detrimental effect becomes evident. This is a serious problem for a
practitioner. People who engage in multiple relationships on a continued basis throughout their lives,
gradually erode their srog (life-energy). Such people become increasingly querulous, argumentative, and
irritable. They become disharmonious within groups of friends and find themselves unable to accede to
the wishes or ideas of others. People who have adulterous relations harm not only their own ability to
experience pawo-khandro reflection, but that of their partner. So it is not merely a question of harming
oneself through multiple sexual relationships and it does not stop there, flirtatious behaviour at
whatever level, if it is accompanied by sexual projections, is also damaging (although to a lesser extent).

Our entire array of senses and their respective sensory fields are in constant coitus. However, although
this is true, practitioners of the inner tantras must remember that these statements do not refer to the
projection of sexual phantasies onto men and women other than our partners. If we indulge in erotic
phantasies about men or women other than our partners, we adulterate our tralam-m. The word
adulterate means to water down to dilute, and it is interesting to connect this word with adultery in
terms of gaining a deeper understanding of the word.

Our position with regard to adultery is not a moralistic one. We are not harking back to a prim and
sanctimonious style of ethical Victoriana. Neither are we saying that one cannot have a series of attempts
at relationship throughout ones life. We are simply saying that they should be serial, and that ideally they
should not overlap.

One needs to approach sexuality with respect, kindness, and openness. One needs to understand that the
alternative to celibacy in Buddhism is not merely selfish indulgence of ones desire at the expense of
others. One can dress sexual misconduct in the clothing of freedom and lack of moralistic inhibitions,
but it remains an obstacle to practice nonetheless.

This is an important statement in view of the high regard shown to celibate practitioners in terms of their
discipline. It could be something of a shock to some to realise that non-celibacy is a more demanding
path, and that its discipline is vast and subtle. It should be accurately understood, that ordination into the
g kar chang loi d (gos dKar lCang loi sDe) is not chosen as an easier option than celibacy. The
monastic path is simpler and easier to follow. It is completely structured and designed to support the
individual, whereas the structure of Vajrayana embraces endless nuances of reality as the play of precision
and passion.

Buddhas such as Padmasambhava and Yesh Tsogyel are capable of engaging with multiple partners
because their tralam-m is non-dual and therefore incapable of being disturbed. The tralam-m of an
enlightened being is compassionately chameleoid and dances with the poetic turbulences of anyone who
is open. When Buddhas engage sexually with dualised beings, those beings are vastly benefited. Buddhas
can benefit others through sexuality in many contexts. Unless one is fully enlightened however,
multiplistic sexual contact is harmful. Mahasiddhas of the past, including Drukpa Knlegs, DoKhyents
Yesh Dorje, and Trungpa Rinpoche were capable of such extraordinary activity and benefited countless
beings. Present day masters such as Dung-s Thrin-l Norbu Rinpoche, and Kyabj Knzang Dorje and
Jomo Samphel are also unquestioned in their capacity. But ordinary practitioners such as ourselves are
not capable of such marvellous enlightened behaviour. We have to know our condition accurately and act
accordingly. It is stated in many texts that it is a grave error to imitate the extraordinary outer activity of
beings whose realisation exceeds ones own.

We are Lamas of meagre capacity, so we remain within the limits of our capacities. When teachers go
beyond their capacities, it is their disciples who suffer and we feel that it is important that apprentices
within the Confederate Sanghas of Aro understand this. Because we, as the Mind Lineage Lamas of the
Aro gTr, do not have the realisation to be open to other sexual or romantic possibilities we have
established that our teaching disciples will also be entirely, joyously, and unreservedly monogamous.

We are delighted to be monogamous, and intend to remain so throughout our lives. Neither of us has ever
chosen any other course within our lives to date. It may be useful for people to know this. It may also be
useful to know that we cannot transform alcohol in the manner of the mahasiddhas, and therefore we limit
our intake. Because we cannot manifest extraordinary enlightened activity, it stands to reason that those
who regard us as their Lamas should not attempt to imitate it either.