What does the Bible say about

an unhappy marriage?
One thing we know for sure: not being “happy” in
marriage is not biblical grounds for divorce. In Mark
10:11-12 Jesus said, "A man who divorces his wife so he
can marry someone else commits adultery against her.
And a woman who divorces her husband so she can
marry someone else commits adultery." Based on the
Bible, we see that people don't have the right to dissolve
an unhappy marriage. God intended that marriage be for
a lifetime.

Ephesians 5 presents marriage as a picture of the

relationship God has with us. This is one reason why God
has such an interest in keeping marriages intact. He is
the One that established the concept of "until death do us
part." He established this for our own good. Failed
marriages and broken homes are devastating to the
husband and wife, not to mention the children involved.
Financial ruin is only one of the unhappy results of
divorce. The family unit is the basic building block of any
society and rampant divorce has a tragic impact on all of
the culture.

This is not to say that God wants us to force us to remain

forever in an unhappy state. He doesn’t ask us to just grit
our teeth and suffer through it. When God approaches
marital problems, He does so from the perspective of how
to fix them, not on how to dissolve the marriage. For
example He does talk about demonic impact in marriages
(1 Corinthians 7:5). He states that the couple should be
active in the sexual relationship so that Satan cannot
tempt them. He encourages husbands to treat their wives
with understanding so that their prayers will not be
hindered (1 Peter 3:7). From these accounts we can see
that marriage is a spiritual battlefield. This means that it
will take work to fight for the relationship, not to fight in
the relationship.

God encourages us toward reconciliation. Matthew 18:15-

16 encourages open honest communication that deals
with hurts and frustrations caused by sin. It even
encourages us to get help to resolve such things. God
also encourages us to have our joy in Him (Philippians 4).
Joy is a superior experience to happiness. Happiness is
temporal and temporary, but joy rises above all
circumstances and lasts for eternity. Joy is something you
can have regardless of conditions. God gives some very
good guidelines for joy, and none of them requires a
spouse to cooperate. A spouse does not control our
capacity to have joy or peace. James 1:3-4 tells us that
deep, abiding joy comes as we persevere through trials,
with God’s help, and our faith matures and is
strengthened. Mere happiness tends to be fleeting and
depends upon temporal factors like circumstances or
other people. Joy, on the other hand, is true contentment
that comes from internal factors like our faith in the Lord.
True joy is everlasting and not dependent upon
circumstances. The book of Philippians is a great study in
the difference between joy and happiness. Written by the
Apostle Paul while imprisoned in Rome, this book uses
the words “joy,” “rejoice,” and “joyful” 16 times and
teaches us how to have true contentment in Jesus Christ,
despite our circumstances. In chains and aware that his
life was coming to an end, Paul talks about his faith and
trust in Christ and how it had changed his whole
perspective on suffering.

God has given husbands clear-cut instructions

in Ephesians 5:25-28: "Husbands, love your wives, even
as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it....
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He
that loves his wife loves himself." To wives, His
instruction is to respect their husbands (v. 33)
and both are to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21).
If both are living up to their biblical responsibilities, there
will be joy and happiness in the marriage. What woman
wouldn’t respect and submit to a man who loves her the
way Christ loves His church? And what man wouldn’t love
a woman who respects and submits to him? The
unhappiness that is present in too many marriages is a
result of one or both parties refusing to submit to God
and obey His revealed will for marriage.

Even if the unhappiness results from a believer being

married to an unbeliever, there is always the possibility
the believing wife can lead her unbelieving husband to
the Lord by her chaste conduct and kind demeanor.
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands
so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may
be won over without words by the behavior of their wives
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1
Peter 3:1). The Bible specifically addresses those who are
married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any
brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing
to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman
has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to
live with her, she must not divorce him. For the
unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his
wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified
through her believing husband…”

In the end, we must remember that "the eyes of the Lord

are over the righteous, and His ears are open to their
prayers; but the face of the Lord is against them that do
evil" (1 Peter 3:12). God knows the pain of an unhappy
marriage, and He understands fleshly desires, but He has
given His Word to us on this matter and He does ask for
obedience. Obedience to God always brings joy (Romans
16:19).