Selections from Love and Responsibility

1960, Karol Wojtyla (before becoming Pope John Paul II [1978])

The Person as the Subject and Object of Action

it is not enough to define a man as an individual of the species Homo (or even Homo
sapiens). The term person has been coined to signify that a man cannot be wholly contained within the
concept individual member of the species, but that there is something more to him, a particular
richness and perfection in the manner of his being, which can only be brought out by the use of the word
person.
The most obvious and simplest reason for this is that man has the ability to reason, he is a
rational being, which cannot be said of any other entity in the visible world, for in none of them do we
find any trace of conceptual thinking (pages 21-22).

What does it mean to use a person?

To use means to employ a [person] as a means to an end [because of the inherent dignity and
nature of the human person] anyone who treats a person as the means to an end does violence to the very
essence of the othersexual morality comes into being not only because persons are aware of the
purpose of sexual life, but also because they are aware that they are persons[anyone who misuses
another person also misuses himself] he sinks to the level of a means, a toolIf I treat someone else as a
means and a tool in relation to myself I cannot help regarding myself in the same light (pages 25-39).

The Personalistic Norm

The person is the kind of good which does not admit of use and cannot be treated as an object of
use and as such the means to an endthe person is a good towards which the only proper and adequate
attitude is love Love for a person must consist in affirmation that they person has a value higher than
that of an object for consumption or use. He who loves will endeavor to declare this by his whole
behavior (pages 41-43).

Mrs. Bollich-Ernes Commentary on the previous selections:

Wojtyla rightly states that it is incorrect to refer to a human person as merely a member of the
species Homo sapiens or as nothing more than a mammal, the highest on the food chain. We have spent
quite a bit of time discussing this reality: human beings are rational creatures with the ability to love and
choose freely. To say that a human being is a person is to acknowledge the reality that the life of a
human being involves a deep awareness of the self, an ability that is unmatched by any other entity in
the created world. Thus, a human person, merely by definition of what he is, possesses
incomprehensible worth.
 Wojtyla then discusses the definition of the term use. To use something means that this
particular object is valuable insofar as it is useful to you. We use many things every day, often
without even thinking about it. If you have completed an education course, you often return the
textbook because it is no longer useful for you. In other words, you only purchased the book for the
sake of the class. Now that the class is complete, the money that returning the book will provide is
much more valuable to you than the book itself. Other times, we often throw away or donate items
that are no longer useful for various reasons (old/scratched pots or pans, clothes that are out of style,
dishes we dont like anymore, etc.). When we use objects (inanimate things), there usually isnt a moral
concern. However, using a person is always a serious moral fault. You might think to yourself, I dont
use people, Mrs. Bollich-Erne. Why the heck are we talking about this?! Well, not so fast, my friend.
Maybe you have used someone before. Have you ever been especially nice to a teacher so that he or
she will allow you to go to the bathroom or library? Have you ever sat down next to someone at lunch
and pretended to be his/her friend because you needed to copy his/her Math homework? Even though
they seem harmless, the previous examples demonstrate using a person to get something you want. This
behavior is never morally acceptable.

A human being is not an object to be used. A human being is not a means to your goal of
attaining your selfish desires. This is especially true concerning sexuality (one night stands, flings, and
even sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend before you have made a lifelong commitment/covenant).
Using another human person to attain your selfish goal of pleasure is degrading. It is degrades the
person who uses and the person who is used. When you use another human person, you are saying to
that person that he or she is worth nothing more than what you want (homework, pleasure, etc.). In that
same moment, you are saying that your worth is also diminished because your actions are selfish and
you are being ruled by your desires. (In this moment, you are acting less than human. Does this ring a
bell?!?!?)

In common language, Wojtylas Personalistic Norm is as follows: DO NOT USE A HUMAN

BEINGEVERFOR ANY REASON. Human beings are more valuable than everyday things that we
use. Pretty simple.

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Love as Goodwill

It should be emphasized here that love is the fullest realization of the possibilities inherent in
man. The potential inherent in the person is most fully actualized through love. The person finds in
love the greatest possible fullness of beingLove is an activity, a deed which develops the existence of
the person to its fullest. It must of course be genuine love. What does this mean? A genuine love is one
in which the true essence of love is realizeda love which is directed to a genuine (not merely apparent)
good in the true way, or in other words the way appropriate to the nature of that goodGenuine love
perfects the life and enlarges the existence of the person
Love between man and woman would be evil, or at least incomplete, if it went no farther than
love as desire. For love as desire is not the whole essence of love between persons. It is not enough to
long for a person as a good for oneself, one must also, and above all, long for that persons good
(pages 82-84).
Mrs. Bollich-Ernes Commentary on the previous selections:

Love is a pure gift of the self, and it is also a reception of the gift of the other. As John Paul
says, it is a process; it is not immediate or terminal. "On his part, in receiving her as a gift in the full
truth of her person and femininity, man thereby enriches her. At the same time, he too is enriched in this
mutual relationship. The man is enriched not only through her, who gives him her own person and
femininity, but also through the gift of himself" (ToB, 71, emphasis mine). This means that love
requires giving yourself to someone completely and allowing the other person to give of himself/herself
to you. A pure relationship such as this enriches the human person because it helps both people
become betterit requires overcoming selfishness, hatred, and pettiness.

Why does Wojtyla state that love is the fullest realization of the possibilities inherent in man?
The answer is a little bit easier to grasp once you have experienced what it means to truly love someone.
Truly loving someone means sacrificing your own wants sometimes (hey, its not all about you!). Truly
loving someone means appreciating someone for who he/she really is (not who you want him/her to
become later) and appreciating the whole person, despite the flaws. Truly loving someone means
wanting the best for the other person no matter what it takes, and it also means being willing to lay down
your own life for that person. All of the examples above are counter-intuitive, meaning you have to live
beyond your own desires and instincts. True lovewhether that be for another person or for Godis
the highest good of human life.

Love is a daily gift of the self to another person. The covenant to love another person is made
only once at the altar (marriage), but it is continued daily. Wojtyla comments that love is incomplete if
it does not go beyond desire. Hes correct. I know you might not believe this now, but one day you
arent going to be as physically beautiful as you are nowand neither will your girlfriend or boyfriend.
I know, its hard to believe. If your love is based solely on the desire you have for the other person,
your love will absolutely fail.

Love should be built on the foundation of seeking the common good together. What is this
common good, you ask? Well, the common good of the family, of course. Families dont always
include children. When you and your spouse are married, you are a family, and every decision that is
made should be made with the good of both people in mind (the I becomes a we). It isnt meant to
be easyas I said before, it is counter-intuitive.

*Hopefully, the previous selections have given you a better understanding of what it means to love
someone. Also, I hope you have begun to see the flaws in our modern societys definition of love.