Counseling Observation

with DR. MICHAEL R. EMLET

presented by
THE SCHOOL OF BIBLICAL COUNSELING
 Counseling Observation
CCEF Course Notebook

Table of Contents
Lecture 1 ............................................................................................................ 1

Lecture 2 ............................................................................................................ 3

Lecture 3 ............................................................................................................ 4

Lecture 4 ............................................................................................................ 5

2017 The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation

Dear SBC Student,

Welcome to the Counseling Observation course with Dr. Mike Emlet! Before you begin to read the
notebook, we wanted to share a few thoughts about the class and how this notebook can best be used.
This notebook aims to capture and elaborate on helpful counseling methods and skills. Rather
than majoring on the particulars of this one case, we primarily focused this notebook on the
take away lessons that can be gleaned from this case. We hope you will be able to incorporate
such methods and skills into your own counseling practice.
We have included footnotes to point you to further resources that will enhance what you learn
in this course about particular counseling ideas and topics.

Lecture 1

I. If there is a history of suicidality, then you must follow up and do an assessment. Dr. Emlet
prioritizes this in the conversation because of how crucial it is to explore how a person is
doing in this regard. Dont be afraid to ask plain questionse.g., Have you ever thought
about hanging yourself? You wont give the person new ideas. And it is harder for a
counselee to deny a specific question than a general one.
II. In a first session, there is freedom to go in many valid directions in the conversation. Do
make strategic decisions with the direction you head: know why you are asking a
question.1
III. You wont have time to ask all of your questions. Dont feel pressured to do so! You can
always come back to a question in a later session.
IV. Dr. Emlet asks the counselee, What could look different this week? This helps her take
ownership in the change process. She also knows better than he does what is reasonable
and realistic for her. So what she comes up with will be more likely to happen than if the
counselor had provided the idea for her. Counseling is collaborative.
V. Dr. Emlet provides her with a helpful question to use to frame the goals and aims of
Christian growth: What do we do when we do fail? This question also assesses how self-
sufficient counselees are in their approach to Christian growth.
VI. With quiet people, counselors might be tempted to fill spaces and silences. But try to draw
the person out with open-ended questions. Be alert to how much you are speaking.
VII. Contextualize what you do depending on what you know of the person you are meeting
with. For example, Dr. Emlets counselee said she wants homework, and so he felt more

1For more on first sessions, see What Does a Good First Session Look Like? by Lauren Whitman, Journal of
Biblical Counseling 28:1 (2014): 53-63.

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 comfortable to be directive and even share a passage in the first session that she could take
with her into her week.
VIII. Notice that Dr. Emlets questions were often open-ended. For example, How do you
understand yourself?
a. Closed questions versus open questions2
i. Closed question: A question that can be answered with a yes or no response,
which makes it less likely to lead to explanation and elaboration. e.g., Were you
glad to hear from your father on your birthday?
ii. Open question: A question that cannot be answered with a yes or no
response, which makes it more likely to lead to explanation and elaboration.
e.g., What was it like for you to hear from your father on your birthday?
1. This type of question helps counselees come up with ideas and uncover
insights.
2. Open-ended questions gently guide the counselee to consider possible
explanations. e.g., What are your thoughts about what is going on?
b. Certain kinds of questions reveal certain kinds of information:
i. What? Uncovers general information
ii. How? Reveals the way something was done
iii. Why? Uncovers a persons purposes, desires, goals, or motivations. (Be careful
of these because people are often in counseling because they are struggling to
answer this type of question.)
IX. It is helpful to have a Scripture passage in mind going into a session. You might not have a
chance to use itand thats OKbut do consider a place to go that connects with what you
know of the counselee and the situation.

2Content in VIII.a. was originally published in the School of Biblical Counselings Essential Qualities of a Biblical
Counselor notebook, pages 8-9.

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Lecture 2

I. Go into a second session having considered what you want to follow up on, where you
might want to go, and with a Scripture passage in mind. None of your plans might actually
play out, but be prepared.3
II. How was your week? gives the person a chance early in the conversation to share
something significant.
III. Dr. Emlet and his counselee spend time exploring the ins and outs of what the normal
Christian life looks like. Oftentimes in counseling, we help people re-jig how they view the
faith and how its lived out. In all this, we want to help people encounter the person of
Christand not just cognitively apprehend very true things (though its good to apprehend
true things!).
IV. Dr. Emlet has been more didactic than he tends to be so early on in the counseling process.
This particular person is biblically literate, is tracking, and is expecting specific input so it
makes sense to be didactic. But that wont always be the case.
V. Use a closing prayer time to set up what you hope the Lord will do in the person in the
coming days.
VI. With depressed people, Dr. Emlet is more likely to prompt more if someone says, I dont
know. Another response to I dont know is asking the person, What would you say if
you were the counselor? Find a side door: ask a similar question in a different way.
VII. In counseling, notice and comment when you hear praise-worthy things. Be a scavenger of
grace that puts words to where you see Gods activity in another persons life. Heres
where I see evidence of the Spirit in your life The hope is that people will be able to see
and articulate where God is active in their own lives, but if they dont then be all the more
diligent to share what you see.

3For more on how to prepare for counseling sessions, see How Healthy Is Your Preparation? by David
Powlison, Journal of Biblical Counseling 14:3 (1996): 2-4.

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Lecture 3

I. Because it had been four weeks since Dr. Emlet saw his counselee, he didnt have a tight
agenda. But he did have some ideas on where to go and a Scripture passage in mind.
II. Keep Kleenex within the persons reach so he or she can reach them.
III. Dont assume you know why someone might do something. Always press in to make sure
you accurately know the person in front of you. In this case, Dr. Emlet followed up on why
this woman tends to hold back her emotions. There might be reasons that seem obvious,
but always ask.
IV. Ask open-ended questions that will help the person think through and take ownership in
the change process: e.g., Where would you like to see things move this week? And a
potential follow-up question, What do you think could move you in the direction you want
to go?
V. If you notice mixed feelings (e.g., ambivalence), then put that out there in the here and
now. Counseling considers the past, present and futurethough our attention often
returns to the present.
a. This attention to the present moment in counseling has been called process: While
you are talking about the stuff of life from yesterday (content), things are
happening now (process). You are seeing the heart unfold as you speak together
(e.g., is the person bored, angry, grieved, etc?).
b. Examples of noticing and commenting on process issues:
i. Sometimes I get scared when I watch you get angry.
ii. (To a married couple) Yikes, when we are together I feel like I am
watching a war. Its exhausting.
iii. Sometimes I feel as if you are pushing me away. Am I doing something
wrong or unhelpful?
iv. I really look forward to getting together, because
v. (If you hear one thing and see another) Your words sound forgiving, but
your voice sounds a bit angry. How are you doing?
c. Be aware of what is happening with the other person in the here and now.
Remember, humility will keep you from lots of errors.
VI. It is lovely when a counselee feels comfortable to pray to God with the counselor. But dont
suggest this without careful thought to where this person is spiritually, the strength of the
counselee/counselor relationship, or gauging how this person might feel if asked to do this.

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Lecture 4

I. Having others who are in the persons life involved in the counseling process is wonderful!
Be open to having someone join a session and explore if there are avenues to help this to
happen.
II. If you observe something in the counselee in the moment, consider pointing it out and ask
a questione.g., You seem animated today. Am I reading you right? This would be a
process moment as discussed earlier.
III. Notice that Dr. Emlet regularly paraphrases what the counselee is saying. Paraphrasing
captures the essence of what the person just said, except you use your own words (and the
persons main/important words). Paraphrasing is a way for both you and the person
speaking to make sure you are accurately hearing what he or she is seeking to
communicate to you.
IV. As the counseling process unfolds, keep this question on your radar: What do you pull in
from previous sessions to build relational capital? As you draw upon what the person has
shared in previous sessions, it shows that you are hearing and understanding the
counselee.
V. As biblical counselors, helping a person grow in self-awareness is not an end goal. We want
people to take what they know of themselves to the Lord and dialogue with him about
what they know of themselves.
VI. Help people think through ahead of time what engaging the Lord could look like if a
struggle crops up again at a future point. Dr. Emlet asked, What would it look like to
engage the Lord if that happens again? This helps people be more prepared to respond
and engage in helpful, healthy ways. They have already identified what direction they could
go.
VII. If a person youre meeting with struggles with pornography, dont assume that the struggle
is heterosexual. Ask. The struggle might be with same-sex attraction (SSA).
a. Though Im encouraging you to ask, do be aware of your timing in asking. Aim to
balance the level of information you need in order to be helpful with the counselees
level of comfort in answering personal questions.
VIII. With any sexual struggle, ask about frequency. Ask about the temptations that tend to lead
to viewing pornography.

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 IX. As you meet with someone, aim to gain an understanding of the persons day-to-day life.
This will help you know the person more accurately, and hopefully give you a better look
into when, where, and how the persons struggles crop up.
X. Notice how Dr. Emlet collaborated with the counselee to decide which direction to go next
in the conversation. He gave her options and she chose based on what seemed most
important to her. Counseling is always collaborative.