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In the case of a published work in electronic form only, a reasonable portion is not more than, in the aggregate, 10% of the number of words in the work. More extensive reproduction may constitute fair dealing, To determine whether it does, it is necessary to have regard to the criteria set out in section 12 of the Act. A court may impose penatties and award damages in relation to offences and infringements relating to copyright material Higher penalties may apply, and higher damages may be awarded, for offences and infringement involving the conversion of material into digital or electronic.chapter two The Road to Resilience “would you tell me, please, which way | ought to 90 from here?" asked Alice. ‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. Lenns Carroll Jermaine had troubles in school and with the polige since he was eleven years old. His mother was the sole parent and worked hard at tio johs to make ends meet. Left to fend for himself. Jermaine gravitated fo the strect, and his mate role models soon became older gan leaders, who initiated hin into delinquency as @"Tookout.” By age fourteen, Jermaine was having both beliavioral and learn- ing problems and was expelled from school. Advi on the streets, he wound up tn the jucenile justice system, shuttled between resi- dlential placements, In residential placements, Jermaine’s life actually inmproved. He attended school and fed his hunger Jor positive adult mentors. He32 The Resitlence Revolution aso picked up weve skills for turning his life around and w fresh determination to “do good when he returned to his community, With each neve placement, jermaine renerced his determination to stay in school and xet ajo He really ddl try. Bud because of his prior reputation. hie alterpts to reenroll in school were not met Leith open arms. Getting: a job was not any easier unless he lied! on applications about his delinquency history, formaine was just tno twell-nowen inthe ttle world in which he fived, Hie vote to just “chill cmd stay aay from his “boys” waned. There was nothing, ositice to nelace the negatice trappins of his precious life. Jermaine had leadership abilities and soem yathered around him a sr0up of « dozen or so peers licing in his housing project. Just as he twas getting used to the expensice clothes and the clout that Dring @ cane leader affords @ young entreprencur in the ety. a clash with a récal gang turned bloody. Jermaine teas artested and charged with possession of firearms and drugs und assault with a deadty weapon. Thorgh he was only fifteen, being locked up was «vs familia as home, Me knew the staff. the routine, and many of the other residents. During more than two years in lockup, Jermaine gained more echication and counseling, He also became wiser and less nave and began to lose hope. How cauld ke possibly make it ance he teas releaseel® What would make this tine any different than the ast? He knew that the legal consequences of eontireins in his actions would be much stiffer once he turned vivhteen, Jermatne’s story is echoed in the lives of thousands of toduy's youth, ICS not suprising that an impoverished working single mother would be overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting. It not surprising that a fatherless kid would thn to alder peers fora sense of belonging, or that trouble in school would con- tribute to delinquency and emotional problems. We know all this. What we don't seem to know is how to. change the script; how to Uansform a story with “inevitable” elements of risk, fillure, and despair into a story of hope. Parents, schools, community mem- hers, and the juvenile jastice systein all struggte to turn the lives of kids like Jermaine wound in time, while they still have the Denefit of the protections soctety axsigus—or should assign—tochildven, But what works? As we saw in Amy's story in the previ= ous chapter. kids in pain take their problems forward into adult hood. To smvive the future, they nced to develop resilience now The Science of Resilience The development of human resiliency is none oTher than the process of healthy human development. Bonne Benaret ‘The setence of resitience is a relatively recent arrival an the psy chological scene. New studies that chronicle the process by which even our most difficulé youth ean overcome obstacles andl become positive, conhibuting adults have sparked a resilience revolution, Resilience is the innate hina sbility to rebound from adversity with even greater strength to meet fture challenges." A leading, researcher; Emily Werner, described resilience as the potential to achieve positive life outcomes in spite of risk.’ Initially; some scientists hypothesized that resili personality trait found only in u few “invulnerable” superkids. But research suggests otherwise: Resilience is the norm. Huynans were created with the tendengy tv overcome all but the most disastrous of experiences. Exch of us hus desceneled from ancestors who sravived all extrenses of hardship. Youth at risk like Jermaine are not doomed kids, not lost eatises, nat hope! ‘Though the challenges surrounding then loom kage, they are still vesilient kids with unlimited potential nee was a rare Stndies following children into adhlthoodl found thit aluost ‘without regard to the risks experienced, sixty percent eventually nade positive adjustinents.” Even children exposed to severe trauma can turn their lives around if they can find supportive persons.” Snecess may not come cquickly; typieally youth at risk 0 through lurbulent years as teens and young adults hefore maturing and stabilizing in the third decade of life. sonarus Chapter Two The Road to Resilence3 The Resilience Revolution The good news for those who eare about kids in pain is that resilience consists of move than an individual's internal strengths, Italso includes extemal supports called “protective factors.” The mast potent protective factor is the presence of one caring adult in a childs life, During much of the 20th century; psychology was preaccupied with pathology: and tomes were written about anger guilt, @epression, and ansiety, But after decades dwelling on the dark side of husnan behavior. a psychology of human strengths is ‘emerging, In fact, as we'll discuss later strength-based philoso- phies of youth development have been advocated for centuries, Studies of strengths broaden our view of behavior problems hevond the narrow psychiatric lahots of mental disorders as con- tained in the Diagnostic and Stetistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Prominent child psychiatrists Jon McClellan and John Werry note thet only a few disorders, such as autism, fit the classical meclieal model. The most common problems with challenging young people—anger, fear, impulsiveness, inatten- tion, and moodiness—are part of normal maturation or the result of stress in the environment." Such problems are best addressed by opportunities for positive development. Sparked by leaclership of the Ameriean Psychological Association {APA researchers ure once again exploring how to cultivate analitics such as courage, responsibility, and hope. "Much of the task of prevention in this new centusy will be to understand and carn how to foster these virtues in young people,” declared for- ter APA president Martin Selissman in 2003, Me believe that these virtues or principles of resiience can be taht, Bach of us has the potential fo become that one earing adult man at-risk child's fe, that most potent protective fietor that helps hold risk at bay: In an ideal world, however, children have more then one protective fictor: They should have a range of external support from family: schools and community: and the juvenile justiceSystems in Conflict A child in conflict needs to be surrounded by a multifaceted sup- portive conuuunity. Sadly, the stakeholders in the child's ecology oflen apenite in isolation or against each other, rather than col- laborating with one another and the child, In fact, as Chapter One noted, those potential sources of support—Lamily, school, Taw—can become sources of the most intense stress. Our kids are in conflict, but so are our systems (see Figure 1). gure Systems in Conflict ‘School, Chureh, and Community Family The family is perhaps the most influential system. Every family fanctions as a complete system—a whole made up of interrelated and interdependent parts—and the unwritten goa! of every fami- ly is to bring that system into balance or equilibrium. Like an old-fashioned scale, when something is added to one side, a cor- responding adjustment must be made on the other side. As a result, individual faruily members become very adept at intu- itively sensing what is needed and naturally fulfilling that role. 35 ‘chapter "wo The Road to ReineThe Resilience Revolution Me often see how this balance is upset when a rebellious child enters x structured program and begins to exhibit authentic change for the better: No family would ever admit to wanting a som cor daughter to remain gangeinvelved or drugeadlicted, But fan les are generally maware of the power of predietalle elit uu Thus when Jimmy suddenly makes heulthy strides, it disrpts the entire system and throws it out of balance, Subconseiousty the ‘whole faily works to got Jimmy back inte the role he was in Dotore—so that they can maintain their own familiar roles as well “Those who work in residential programs for chensieal dependen- cy recognize thal the leacting saboteuir ofall the great work an addict has achieved is often his or her spouse—probably the very person who got the addict to enter treatment in the frst place hy finally threwtening to leave or actually leaving, A wife, for example, after having suffered for yeurs from her husband's addiction, may be the first to smugele in boowe or ditugs on family visit, Why? Because she feels threatened in her role of caretaer. Though she may hate that role it is atleast fam and predictable: it feels sufer than having to invent 1 new role opposite a husband who suddenly wants a say in how the chile dren are reared and the finances are managed 1s nol muck different when a teen comes out of a program talk ing anew kind of talk: Again, the unwritten goal ofevery fail ‘so bring the system into equilibyium, In the midst ofa crisis, ost family members are unaware that they are suliconsciowsly adapting and responding tn the actions of the offering member because the system as a whole seems io be working, based on their previous experience Depending upon the extent and duration of the rehellion, ane family member might hive emerged as the caretaker, while another has become the protector One has become an enabler and another has become the forgotten child. The offending child plays the most important role ofall: the scapegoat. Without Jimeny or Shelly playing the distracting role of scapexoat, other family members’ dysfunctional behaviors hecome more evident ‘When Straight Ahead Ministries conducted focus groups of juve- nite offenders asking kids what they fell they needed to sealiymake it, one of their top two responses was, “Work with our farn- ilies, too.” One boy said, “I've been making a lot of changes here, but when I talk about it with my mom on the phone, she feels threatened by it, saying, ‘So now you think you're better than the rest of us?” 1's important for those of us who work with troubled kids to understand that parents tend to sebutage the success of their child if they feel the work is being done without them. Parents ‘want to deel that their bond with their child is a contributing. fac- tor to success, not a detracting one, But ifwe can come alongside parents and support them in what is ultimately their job—to offer their child the best shot possible at becoming a healthy adult—we can forge: a powerlul alliance. Even when the parent is difftcult ta work with (prompting that tit-for-tat reaction), we need to remember that itis always m the child's best interest to have family support—and do everything we can to treat parents with respeet as well, Sadly, most schools and juvenile treatuent programs focus little or no attention on working with the families of their students, but instead simply cast blame, assuming the funily is at fall This mentality of blame only creates further distrust in those who have the greatest stake in the youngster’s success. Parents are the child's first and most important teachers, and even those who are experiencing, great problems also have great strengths that can be uncovered if we choose ta fight for pavents, rather than against them. Barbara Ihuff, the founding director of Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health, calls for eliminating the adjective “dysfimetional” as a descriptor for parents." “Ifyou need hibels,” parents say, “eall us overstressed anel undersnpported.” Pareats of kids in pain are parents in pain, What father or mother doesn't worry about whether they are “good enough” parents? Everything we want troubled kids to learn, their parents might also need help with, including self-esteem and problem-solving skills. By contrast, the blame game only sabotages the partner ships that are necessary to meet the needs of children on the edge. 37 Chapter Two The Rood to Resioan The Resilience Revolution School, Church, and Community ‘The democratic ideals of the United States once sparked reform in education and the mental health moverient. Ironseally, the tation knowa for its idealism: has reverted to pessimisrn about its young. The effects of this line of thinking are only too apparent. Schools are required to honor the legal principle of zero reject and meet the educational needs ofall students. But calls far zero tolerance have ted to massive overuse of suspension and expal. sion. The formal policy is “Leave no child behind,” but the prose suze to raise test scores trumps concern for growth of character A high schooi teacher told us, “My job is t teach the seventy percent who are good kids. Our school would be hetter off with: ‘out the others.” And as we have seen in Jermaine’s story, there aren't many: sece ond chanees for kids who have been expelled, Schools develop policies to keep such youth out of the classroom: One prieipal told us it is his job to “amputate” troublesome students, Parents of kids in pain may find that teachers and administrators blame them for their children's behavior. isrit only schools that let down our kids in pain, Neighborhood housing authorities evict families with troubled kids, and citizens expect police and the justice system to remove delinquents From the community: Most employers refuse to risk hiring ex-offend. e¥s, and even churehes do not want “bad” kids mixing with “good” kids. Although mental health providers are legully required to have parity with other medical services, managed care has limited treatment to the point that the term “eare-less” might he a more accurate deser iption. Prevention is ignored, and serious problems get superficial assessments and symptom man. agement. Juvenile Justice System The best evidence that our system fils kids is that most youth placed in juventle justice facilities ure rearrested within just one year of their release, Troubled, uneducated eighteen-year-olds are likely to drift ar heeome homeless upon being eut loose fromthe final safety net of the juvenile system. Though they may have passed into technical adulthood, their hasie needs have still not been met, Recent decades have seen a tendency to abandon our most diff cult kids, ‘There has been a steady dismantling of the juvenile jus- tive system that was ercated just aver a century ago. Juvenile courts were established on the legat principle of insaring the best interests of the child. Calls for “jiast desserts” have turned back the clock as resources shift om prevention to punishment, The Jeast effective public institution, the adult prison. is used as a depositary for thousands of our most troubled and needy youth, Unfortunately; even in wealthy nations such as the United States, the best interests of children are often subordinate to other pri- orities. The United States is a world leader when it comes to exacting “justice” through punitive measures. While comprising only five pereent of the world’s population, the United States houses twenty-three percent of the world's pris slates, fourtcen-vearolds are declaved adults and incarcerated with the gencral population of adult prisons, which violates com- amon sense and international lav: ners." In Many Early reformers who launched a separate court for children did so based upon the commonsense helief that children were differ- ent mentally from adults. Their convictions have been proven true through contemporary brain research, as we have seen in Chapter One. Aleoholies Anonymous defines “insanity” as doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results, This seems to apply to our current system of providing services for challemg- ing youth. Reversing the impact of decades of punishment and deficit-based intervention will require major shifis in thinking and action. A narrow focus on the problems of youth and their families has blinded us to their strengths and potential for great- ness. But in the fave of these challenges, there is ulso a chance for fresh rediscovery of age-old wisdom. Tis time to reject deftcit-hased thinking and to reelaim the opti- nist of those who pioneered work with challenging students. Few cupture that spirit better than Karl Wilker, who transformed 39 Chapter Two The Road to Resienes#0 The Resitience Revolution Berlin's worst training school for delinquents, an infamous insti- tution surrounded by barbed wire. Wilker's ideas were simple, He demancled that those in authority show respeet forall youth, even those who had not yet leumed to be respectful. He told his teachers and youth workers to search ‘or streneths concealed beneath problems. And he demanded thet all young people take responsibility for their behavion, par- ‘iculaely those who in the past had shown only irresponsibility, As result of Wilker’s reforms, the worst institutional climate of Coercion became a model climate of mutual respect between the young and the old, Wilker attributed this success to a profound helfef in the positive potentials of youth." Reclaiming Our Progressive Past What we want t0 achieve tn our work with young peo~ plc ts to find and strengthen the positive and healthy elements, no matter how deeply they are hidden. we euthasiastically belteve in the existence of those ele- ments even in the seemingly worst of our adolescents Karl tiiiker® Wilker's ransforming ideas were not new ideas, From earliest times, people have wrestled with the question of how to rear responsible, resilient children. Every era has seen pioneering, relormers who spoke out for treating children with dignity and respect, and many nations have promoted progressive ideas for working with troubled youth Plato argued that teaching respect to the young. was move impor- tant than giving them riches. But he cautioned that respect could 4ot be teaght by reprimand, but only through adulls engaged with lifelong visible practice ofall they hope to teach youth Simply, children learn respect by being treated with respect,Dutch educator and clergyman Erasmus (2466-1535) observed that harsh pimishment was a result of adults indulging their own passions, rather than responding helpfilly to the exrors of the young. In France, Montaigne (1533-1592) proclaimed, “Away with violence! and lashed out at those who showed no kindness to childen, but instead used methods of “horror and crtelly:"™ Afier the Napoleonie wars, Johann Heinrich Pestalozi (1746-1827) of Switzerland founded orphanages for street chil- dien, He taught his staff that the hiblea! eall to “hecome as a lit- tle child” meant adults should treat cbikelien with deep respect, as equals hefore the Creator: ‘These were all minority views in materialistic, dictatorial cule tures. The rise of democraey in the 19th century had a profo effcet on education, mental health, ancl juvenile justice. Dorothea Dix (1802-1887) sparked a worldwide mental health movement when she called for treating troubled pessons with respect and dignity nd At the dawn of the 20th centiny, Ellen Key of Sweden (1849-1926) wrote of “soul murder in the selools” and called for an end te demeaning punishnvent." in Italy, Maria Montessori (1857-1952) railed against “school slavery” and created schools for children from the shuvis, showing they had highly “absorbent minds.” American educates William Kilpatrick (1871-1965) described the ineflectiveness of punitive diseipline iv schools, and be documented that the average 19th-century Boston school of four hundred pupils gave sisty-five swhippings a day, one every sis minutes.” nn 21809, Jame: Addams (1860-1935) founcled dhe modern javenide cour’ in Chicago, She alliee with the [lois Bar Association to remove children from adult prisons and to provide treatment, uuppropriate to the Meanwhile, in Poland, janusz Korezak (1878-1942) founded orphanages for street kids that operated on the principle of the cchild’s right to respect, He called for treating children not as future citizens, but as citizens in embryo, He argued that adults should listen to children and involve them in governing their needs 47 ‘Chapter To The Roe! to Resilience#2 The Resilience Revolution communities. Korezak challenged the low view of children that was hele in both capitalist and communist societies: The market vile of the very young is small, Only in the sight of God and the Law is the apple blossom worth as much as the apple. green shoots as much as afield of ripe corn.” Soon these progressive ideas spread to all of the world’s demoe- racies, By 1028, an international study found that model schools to teach delinquents self-governance existed worldwide." Unfortunately few of these progressive ideas lasted beyond the tenures of the reformers. Punitive discipline was still in vogue, ‘There were no formit programs to train new generations of pio- fessionals in these progressive methods. Further, theve was not cta solid science of positive youth development. The restlt was 8 regression to primitive icleas of treating kids with problems as either evil or “erizy.” Modern society likes to think of itself as civilized, beyond the has showa, primitive thinking of the past, but as Chapter On deficit-based thinking, punishment, incarceration, medication, and coercion are still the most common approaches to kids in pain. In fact. in some ways, the past seems more progressive than the present. Reclaiming Through Reparenting What will take to turn the Ude? Sweeping change—the kind Finland recently underwent by closing gutagelike youth prisons and replacing them with innovative treatment and strength- based programs. They exchanged amed emards with caring parent-like staff, and it has worked. Thirty years ago. Finiand hucl one of the highest rates of inca: ceration in all of Europe. ‘Today they have the lowest, just 52. per 100,000 people. The United States leads the world at 702 per 100,060, and Russia follows at 664 per 100,060. What is the seeret of Finland's revolution? The head of a juvenile facility near Helsinkt sums it up like this: “We are parents, that’s what we are, And theyIn depersonalized American schools and institu ions, close con- nections of adults with kids are suspect. But impersonal disei- 43 pline des not create transformational change. Kids need connections with supportive adults to tum around their lives, In British schools this is calted “pastoral care,” which means ereat- inga crete of adults who operate in loco parentis (in the place of the parent). Reparenting clues not infer replacing biological parents. [n fact, as we've already discussed, a child’s parents or legal guardians should be warmly welcomed by those who work with troubled Kids, Instead, reparenting represents being intentional abont connecting to our kids. It reminds youth earegivers to model themselves after the ultimate caregiver of any young person, the paren The Circle of Courage Model of Family The principles of resilience we focus on in the latter ball ofthis book—trust, talent, power, and purpose—are based on the: Circle of Courage.” Family is essential to the Circle of ‘Courage model of resilience, Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg, ancl Steve Van Bockern created this model by blending resilience research with time-honored principles of child-rearing in tribal cultures and the writings of early pioneers in education and youth work, The Girele of Courage (portrayed by Lakota artist George Blue Bird in Figure 2, page 44) identifies four wniversal needs for chile dren: belonging, mastery. independence, and generosity: When the Cirele of Courage isin halance, children develop their strengths and experience positive life outcomes. Chapter Two The Road to Resieree44 The Resillence Revolution Figure 2 ce The Circle of Courage” Generosity Independence Betonging Mastery ° Crele of Courage Used with permission. Keeping the circle in balance requires protective external fie= tors: the support of family andl commumit What constitutes “family” is much broader in the Circle of Courage than in the standard Western sense. Par renting is not Timited to biological parents in the Circle of Courage. Indeed, throughout human histors; the young, were murtured by extended fanilies, not just one or two individuals, In Native American and other tribal cultures around the world, the family tnit still encompasses upward of three hundred people: As Martin Brokenleg puts it, “Al! of my relatives” yrandpavents are my grandparents, aud all of my relatives’ grandchildren are my grandchildren,” The nuclear family is relatively recent invention of Western civilization. Orphanages are nonexistent in tribal society; there, as the maxim suggests, it really does take a village to raise a child, even and especially in the absence of iological parents. Tn Wester society, however, once the nuclear family is broken, the circle is also broken, and a host of problems emerge. Without thesupport of family and community to meet their basie needs, chil- dren find it much more difficult to develop res fence, The Principles of Resilience Many caregivers are drawn to working with troubled kids: because of their own traumatic experience oy a simple clesire to help, but over time, stress can eut way at that inspired initial optimism, How can the educators and youth workers of our ime restore their inner convietion that positive change is possible? In one sense, we must believe in ourselves, in exch individual's ubility to affect another's life for the better. We must also beliove in youth's capacity, with our help, to grow beyond the limits of a traumatic past or a risk-filled environment: We must believe in resilience. fn our work, we outline how elucators and caregivers eur help troubled kids develop resilience by meeting the four basic emo- Honal needs defined hy research and the Circle of Courage model + To satisfy the need for belonging, build trust. the need for mastery, recognize talent. + Tosatisfy the need for independence, promote power + Tosatisfy the need for generosity, instill purpose. We believe this rejuvenating approach meets important needs for adults, too; se all need resitience ins the difteull work of rais- ing healthy kids, Research Modets ‘The Citele of Courage’s central tenets of helonging, mastery, independence, and generosity paraile! an important carly study on self-worth in children by Stanley Coopersmith. He found that childsen build a sense of self-worth on the four foundations of sige nificance, competence, power, and virtue, as shown in Figure 3 45 Chaptar Two The Road to Resilience46 The Resitience Revolution owe 3 fee Circle of Courage Self-Worth Research: Belonging develops thiought Siguificanice i the Belief that F opportunities te build trust and . am important to somebody, form human aétachrient, Mastery requires opportunitis'to, Competence isthe belief that £ develop talent and meet goals for am able to solve prablems, achievement, Independence is fostered by Power isthe belief that Zon in ‘opportunities to grow in responsi- charge of my life, tity and autonomy, Generosity offers opportunities to Virtue is the belief that My Ue has be of value to others trough acts. purpase, ef respoct and altruism, Sa In the decades following Coopersmith’s classic studs, the emerge ing science of resilience reinforces his findings with similar terms for the same concepts, A review of hundreds of studies by Bonnie Benard snagests that resilience is related to four factors: social competence, problem-solving, autonomy, and a sense of purpose." Additionally, the Search Institute studied hundreds of thousands of children and youth across North America. They identified forty developmental assets that lead to healthy outeomes and huild resilience.” Halfof these are interna! assets, such as responsibility, achievement motivation, and interpersonal com petence, The other twenty assets are external assets like family support, positive peer influence, and earing school elimates, Faure 4, The Resilience Code (pages 1819), summarizes find- ings from three other major stuclies of resilience. Feedevte Flach studied resilience in psychotherapy patients; Emmy Werner and Rath Smith followed’ highcrisk Hlawnitan children from child hhood to maturity; und Steven and Sybil Wolin studied resibient vouth who overcame highly troubled family backgrounds.” The results of this muss of research ean be simplified into hasie ente- kortes of trust talent, power, and purposeThese detailed findings are consistent with each other and with the hroad themes of the Circle of Courage as well. Of course, pevple are not machines. There is no guarantee that x + y ==. But while we can't control the auteomies of young lives, we have more influence than we often realize, Studies consistently show that young people who possess « high number of developmental assets generally turn out well. Those with feos assets exhibit niany high-risk behaviors, stich as sehool failure, substance abnse, reckless sexuality, emotional problems, and delinquency. Why cle such varied studies reach such similar conclusions? All identify the nniversal human needs that underlie positive growth and development. When growth needs are met, these strengths abually develop. resilient person is able to fornt social bonds, solve problems, exercise self-control, and contribute to others, But these are not inst abilities: They ure needs present in all children. They are jrard-wired into the human brain, and they’ are essential (6 sur- vival and well-being, We define pain not only by the presence of soine traunatic experience, but also by the frustration of baste growth needs. Satisfying the Need for Belonging: Building Trust Every person possesses fimeamental need to belong. This need is best met by frequent positive interactions with at Teast a few persons who share mutual concer. While rejection pro- dees shane—one of the most painful af human emotions— belonging creates positive feclings wud contributes substantially to healthy seitesteein Recent studies inclicate that the humin brain even contains an area for reading emotions on the face, ar area distinct Fram that devoted to the perception of inanimate objects.** Laughter and smiling are among the most powerful soeial bonding, mechanisms.” As mentioned in Chapter One. tit-for-tat is trie for positive responses as well as fearfal or angey ones. When the amygdala reads emations as positive, we send a positive response. From early childhood, we have an innate ability to read visual and auclitory cues that tell ws whether sameoue is friend or foe. 47 Chapter Tho the Road to Rosier08 The Resitfence Revolution Faw 4 ee The Resilience Code ‘Trust (Belonging) Talent (Mastery) Flach | Anetwatk of fiends: ¢ com- | Creativity, apen-mndedness, munity where one is respect eceptivity to new ideas; 3 ed; bonded through tumor | wide ‘range of intandsts; sal ‘eceagnition of ones gifts ang talents; wilngness dresin Ainge sole ions to meet goals; redefine ing assumations and problems to Find solutions Weimer & | Coring'and attentive femily | High expectations; academic Smith | environments: if patents are “| suecess; communication absent or inattentive, sialls extended family, siblings, ‘and other adults provide . counsel, safety. and supports |. participation in schot and community prageams. Wolin & | Relationships; bonded Insight, inibative, creative Wolin | though humor intimate | ty: taking om demanding and fulfilling ties to others | tacks; asking tough ques ‘ions and giving onest answers; bringing order and purpose to chaos eee Observe a cluster of teens and notice how smailes and peuls of Ihughter continually punctuate their interactions. Laughter is an auditory signal for bonding, and smiling is the visual equivalent." {deally, children meet their need for belonging with a eating. relationship to a parent. This forims a basis for kiter attachments to other adults, peers, texchers, and for parenting the next gener- ation of childven, Humans are remarkably resilient, and when a hasic attachment is broken, they are able to reach oul to others for substitute helonge ings. Sometimes this creates problems, as when a gang replacesFaure 4 (continued) The Resilience Code Power: (indefiendence) ‘Aatonomy; independence: of thought and action; pevson- al discipline and responsibil ity insight Sto one's cin feelings: high tolerance of dtoss distancing of one= seif fom desttive rela- Hanshize Personal effleacy; cantat ‘over one’s eoviranment Independence; keeping boundaries and emotional distance from troubled per sons; initiative, taking charge of problems: exerting contrel 49 Purpose (Generosity) ‘night into the foetings of thers, Nope: conamftment; ‘the search formeanfig or ulspose; Faith; 2 sense of destiny Empatiy, caring: productive roles in family and commmu- nity Relationships of empathy: rapacity to give; moral vith an informed conscience; ability to judge right from ‘wrong; valuing decency, compassion, honesty, fair ley; responding to needs ad suffering of others family. But strong bonds to a teacher or mentor ean also pro- foundlly inftuence young, persons who do net have stuble attuch- uents in their families Satisfying the Need for Mastery: Nurturing Talent A.core motivation behind much human hehavior is the quest to become competent. Children accpuire a mass of knowledge, including an entire language code, without formal instruction. ‘The ability to bring all one’ and mect goals through capitalizing on strengths and overcoming 's knowledge together to solve problems ‘Chapter Two The Road to ResienceThe Resilience Revolution limitations is substantially tho definition of intelligence* But this ability cun only crystallize with the support of adult mentors or more skill peers.” Research on inielligence has progressed beyond marrow verbat and computational skills to include practical, social, and emo- tional intelligence. Interestingly; there is little eonnection between many of these talents aud formal test scores. In fact, turning schools into test-prep centers actually stifles learning, says our colleague Linda Lntieri, As Stanley Greenspan has observed, “Letting children know how dumb they are doesn't contribute in any way to making them smart.” In its broadest sense, mastery is practical intelligence. It is meet- {ng inmportant life goals by developing strengths and overcoming difficulties. Adults can encourage mastery hy tapping the hidden talents in every youngster and giving every child the skills to creatively solve problems. Satisfying the Need for Independence: Promoting Power ‘The biggest developmental change as youth approach adoles- cence is « heightened desire for autonomy: This sparks conflict swith adults who still expect youth to act as submissive childven. Many behaviors that irritate adults are landmarks on the roxd to independence. Children test their strength with loudness and physical horse- play: Teens show bravado and risk-taking anel push the limits af adult control, Ruie-breaking becomes a practice run at inde- pendence. In the ensning power strugsles, youth seek independ- cence, while adults seck control. What youth need more than restrictions are prosocial outlets for their growing. need to feel powerful in their own lives and in control of their destinies. Independent childven are not disconnected from attachment to others. In fact, chiklren who are securely’ attached are best able to develop personal power: Powerful young people feel secure enough to ask for help from caring aclults, hut also can make their own informed decisious and set the course af their life pathways. They exercise self-control over their emotions, resistnegative influence from others, and act with responsibility: They are the pilots of their lives, rather than passengers. Satisfying the Need for Generosity: Instilling Purpose Por decades, the field of psychology operated as if all human behavior was selfishly motivated, but a significant body of research on altruism shows that concern for others is central to fhuman nature and is foundational far moral development.” Altruism has been deseribed as empathy in action.” We once asked teens in a detention center if they had any hopes or dreams for their fature. One boy responded, "No. That's why: we've here.” Kurt Haln, founder of Outward Bound, noted that ‘many modern youth suffer from the “misery of unitoportance” and Jong to he used in sone demanding cause. To find meaning in life, Wwe must commit to a purpose heyond preoccupation with self. When we have done a good job as enregivers, the youth we care {for cxn become caregivers themselves, and the Circle of Courage is complete. The remaining chapters present practical, in-depth models for cultivating the principles of resilience in troubled kids nnd in ourselves. Endnotes * Cano [1868] 2002, 53. Benard 2004. 8 9 Wala 1998, 4 Werner 1895. Werner and Srnith 1992, "O'Connor, Ruttes and English and Romanian Adoptoes Study Team 2000. "The most widely ased system lor labeling mental health problems is the Diggnostle and Statistical Mfarwal of Mental Disorders (DSM oF ‘Chapter Two Tho Rood to Resiionce