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TheLanguageOfLettingGo
MelodyBeattie

RebuildingLives,RestoringFamilies,

BuildingCommunities

INFORMATION&EDUCATIONALSERVICES

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FirstpublishedJune1990.

Copyright1990,HazeldenFoundation.
Allrightsreserved.Noportionofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymannerwithoutthewrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

ISBN:0894866370

LibraryofCongressCatalogCardNumber:8982527

PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.

Editor'snote:
TheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymousandtheTwelveStepsofAlAnonarereprintedwithpermissionofAlcoholicsAnonymousWorldServices,Inc.
PermissiontoreprinttheTwelveStepsofAAandAlAnondoesnotmeanthatAAhasreviewedorapprovedthecontentsofthispublication,northatAAagrees
withtheviewsexpressedherein.AAisaprogramofrecoveryfromalcoholism.UseoftheTwelveStepsinconnectionwithprogramswhicharepatternedafterAA
butwhichaddressotherproblemsdoesnotimplyotherwise.

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DEDICATION

Forherhelpinwritingthisbook,Iacknowledgeandthank
RebeccaPost,myeditoratHazelden.
Thisbookisdedicatedto
God
ThereadersofCodependentNoMore
andBeyondCodependency
Andmyfriend,Louie

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Introduction
Thisisabookofmeditations.Itisdesignedtohelpyouspendafewmomentseachdayrememberingwhatyouknow.

IhavetouchedonprinciplesfromCodependentNoMoreandBeyondCodependency.I'vealsoincludedsomenewthoughtsandideas.

Itisabooktohelpyoufeelgoodandassistyouintheprocessofselfcareandrecovery.

Thanksforthesupport,encouragement,andsuccessyou'vegivenme.IhopeIhavegivenyouagiftinreturntoo.

MELODY

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January

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January1
TheNewYear

MakeNewYear'sgoals.Digwithin,anddiscoverwhatyouwouldliketohavehappeninyourlifethisyear.Thishelpsyoudoyourpart.Itisanaffirmationthatyou're
interestedinfullylivinglifeintheyeartocome.

Goalsgiveusdirection.Theyputapowerfulforceintoplayonauniversal,conscious,andsubconsciouslevel.

Goalsgiveourlifedirection.

Whatwouldyouliketohavehappeninyourlifethisyear?Whatwouldyouliketodo,toaccomplish?Whatgoodwouldyouliketoattractintoyourlife?What
particularareasofgrowthwouldyouliketohavehappentoyou?Whatblocks,orcharacterdefects,wouldyouliketohaveremoved?

Whatwouldyouliketoattain?Littlethingsandbigthings?Wherewouldyouliketogo?Whatwouldyouliketohavehappeninfriendshipandlove?Whatwouldyou
liketohavehappeninyourfamilylife?

Remember,wearen'tcontrollingotherswithourgoalswearetryingtogivedirectiontoourlife.

Whatproblemswouldyouliketoseesolved?Whatdecisionswouldyouliketomake?Whatwouldyouliketohappeninyourcareer?

Whatwouldyouliketoseehappeninsideandaroundyou?

Writeitdown.Takeapieceofpaper,afewhoursofyourtime,andwriteitalldownasanaffirmationofyou,yourlife,andyourabilitytochoose.Thenletitgo.

Certainly,thingshappenthatareoutofourcontrol.Sometimes,theseeventsarepleasantsurprisessometimes,theyareofanothernature.Buttheyareallpartofthe
chapterthatwillbethisyearinourlifeandwillleadusforwardinthestory.

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Thenewyearstandsbeforeus,likeachapterinabook,waitingtobewritten.Wecanhelpwritethatstorybysettinggoals.

Today,Iwillrememberthatthereisapowerfulforcemotivatedbywritingdowngoals.Iwilldothatnow,fortheyeartocome,andregularlyasneeded.I
willdoitnottocontrolbuttodomypartinlivingmylife.

January2
HealthyLimits

Boundariesarevitaltorecovery.Havingandsettinghealthylimitsisconnectedtoallphasesofrecovery:growinginselfesteem,dealingwithfeelings,andlearningto
reallyloveandvalueourselves.

Boundariesemergefromdeepwithin.Theyareconnectedtolettinggoofguiltandshame,andtochangingourbeliefsaboutwhatwedeserve.Asourthinkingabout
thisbecomesclearer,sowillourboundaries.

BoundariesarealsoconnectedtoaHigherTimingthanourown.We'llsetalimitwhenwe'reready,andnotamomentbefore.Sowillothers.

There'ssomethingmagicalaboutreachingthatpointofbecomingreadytosetalimit.Weknowwemeanwhatwesayotherstakeusseriouslytoo.Thingschange,not
becausewe'recontrollingothers,butbecausewe'vechanged.

Today,IwilltrustthatIwilllearn,grow,andsetthelimitsIneedinmylifeatmyownpace.Thistimingneedonlyberightforme.

January3
NurturingSelfCare

...thereisn'taguidebookforsettingboundaries.Eachofushasourownguideinsideourselves.Ifwecontinuetoworkatrecoveryourboundarieswilldevelop.Theywillget
healthy

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andsensitive.Ourselveswilltelluswhatweneedtoknow,andwe'llloveourselvesenoughtolisten.
BeyondCodependency

Whatdoweneedtodototakecareofourselves?

Listentothatvoiceinside.Whatmakesyouangry?Whathaveyouhadenoughof?Whatdon'tyoutrust?Whatdoesn'tfeelright?Whatcan'tyoustand?Whatmakes
youuncomfortable?Whatdoyouwant?Need?Whatdon'tyouwantandneed?Whatdoyoulike?Whatwouldfeelgood?

Inrecovery,welearnthatselfcareleadsusonthepathtoGod'swillandplanforourlife.Selfcareneverleadsawayfromourhighestgooditleadstowardit.

Learntonurturethatvoiceinside.Wecantrustourselves.Wecantakecareofourselves.Wearewiserthanwethink.Ourguideiswithin,everpresent.Listento,
trust,andnurturethatguide.

Today,IwillaffirmthatIamagifttomyselfandtheUniverse.Iwillrememberthatnurturingselfcaredeliversthatgiftinitshighestform.

January4
SeparatingfromFamilyIssues

Wecandrawahealthyline,ahealthyboundary,betweenourselvesandournuclearfamily.Wecanseparateourselvesfromtheirissues.

Someofusmayhavefamilymemberswhoareaddictedtoalcoholandotherdrugsandwhoarenotinrecoveryfromtheiraddiction.

Someofusmayhavefamilymemberswhohaveunresolvedcodependencyissues.Familymembersmaybeaddictedtomisery,pain,suffering,martyrdom,and
victimization.

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Wemayhavefamilymemberswhohaveunresolvedabuseissuesorunresolvedfamilyoforiginissues.

Wemayhavefamilymemberswhoareaddictedtowork,eating,orsex.Ourfamilymaybecompletelyenmeshed,orwemayhaveadisconnectedfamilyinwhichthe
membershavelittlecontact.

Wemaybelikeourfamily.Wemayloveourfamily.Butweareseparatehumanbeingswithindividualrightsandissues.Oneofourprimaryrightsistobeginfeeling
betterandrecovering,whetherornotothersinthefamilychoosetodothesame.

Wedonothavetofeelguiltyaboutfindinghappinessandalifethatworks.Andwedonothavetotakeonourfamily'sissuesasourowntobeloyalandtoshowwe
lovethem.

Oftenwhenwebegintakingcareofourselves,familymemberswillreverberatewithovertandcovertattemptstopullusbackintotheoldsystemandroles.Wedo
nothavetogo.Theirattemptstopullusbackaretheirissues.Takingcareofourselvesandbecominghealthyandhappydoesnotmeanwedonotlovethem.Itmeans
we'readdressingourissues.

Wedonothavetojudgethembecausetheyhaveissuesnordowehavetoallowthemtodoanythingtheywouldliketousjustbecausetheyarefamily.

Wearefreenow,freetotakecareofourselveswithfamilymembers.Ourfreedomstartswhenwestopdenyingtheirissues,andpolitely,butassertively,handtheir
stuffbacktothemwhereitbelongsanddealwithourownissues.

Today,Iwillseparatemyselffromfamilymembers.Iamaseparatehumanbeing,eventhoughIbelongtoaunitcalledafamily.Ihavearighttomyown
issuesandgrowthmyfamilymembershavearighttotheirissuesandarighttochoosewhereandwhentheywilldealwiththeseissues.Icanlearnto
detachinlovefrommyfamilymembersandtheirissues.Iamwillingtoworkthroughallnecessaryfeelingsinordertoaccomplishthis.

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January5
AcceptingHelp

Someofushavefeltsoalienatedthatwe'veforgottenwe'renotalone.We'vecometobelievethatwehavetodoitourselves.Someofushavebeenabandoned.
Somehavegonewithoutlove.Someofushavegottenusedtopeopleneverbeingthereforus.Someofushavestruggled,hadhardlessonstolearn.

God'sthere,alwaysreadytohelp.Thereisanamplesupplyofpeopletocareaboutustoo.Wewill,ifwewantit,receiveloveandsupport,comfortandnurturing.If
wetaketherisktoaskforit,helpisthere.WecandrawonthestrengthofourrecoverygroupandallowourselvestobehelpedandsupportedbyourHigherPower.
Friendswillcome,goodfriends.

Wearen'talone.Andwedon'thavetodoitourselves.We'renotdoingitourselves.Thereisnoshortageoflove.Notanymore.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtodoitaloneandmybeliefthatIamalone.HelpmetapintoYourDivinePowerandPresence,andYourresources
forlove,support,andfriendship.OpenmyeyesandheartsoIcanseethelove,help,andsupportthat'sthereforme.HelpmeknowIamloved.

January6
Relationships
Ifweareunhappywithoutarelationship,we'llprobablybeunhappywithoneaswell.Arelationshipdoesn'tbeginourlifearelationshipdoesn'tbecomeourlife.Arelationshipis
acontinuationoflife.
BeyondCodependency

Relationshipsaretheblessingandbaneofrecovery.Relationshipsarewherewetakeourrecoveryshowontheroad.

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Eachday,wearefacedwiththeprospectoffunctioninginseveraldifferentrelationships.Sometimes,wechoosetheserelationshipssometimes,wedon't.Theone
choiceweusuallyhaveinourrelationshipsconcernsourownbehavior.Inrecoveryfromcodependency,ourgoalistobehaveinwaysthatdemonstrateresponsibility
forourselves.

We'relearningtoacknowledgeourpowertotakecareofourselvesinourrelationships.We'relearningtobeintimatewithpeoplewhenpossible.

Doweneedtodetachfromsomeonewhowe'vebeentryingtocontrol?Istheresomeoneweneedtotalkto,eventhoughwhatwehavetosaymaybe
uncomfortable?Istheresomeonewe'vebeenavoidingbecausewe'reafraidtotakecareofourselveswiththatperson?Doweneedtomakeanamend?Isthere
someoneweneedtoreachoutto,orshowlove?

Recoveryisnotdoneapartfromourrelationships.Recoveryisdonebylearningtoownourpowerandtotakecareofourselvesinrelationships.

Today,Iwillparticipateinmyrelationshipstothebestofmyability.IwillmakemyselfavailableforclosenessandsharingwithpeopleItrust.Iwillaskfor
whatIneedandgivewhatfeelsright.

January7
DealingwithPainfulFeelings

Feelingsofhurtorangercanbesomeofthemostdifficulttoface.Wecanfeelsovulnerable,frightened,andpowerlesswhenthesefeelingsappear.Andthesefeelings
maytriggermemoriesofother,similartimeswhenwefeltpowerless.

Sometimes,togainasenseofcontrol,wemaypunishthepeoplearoundus,whethertheyarepeopleweblameforthesefeelingsorinnocentbystanders.Wemaytry
to''geteven,''orwemaymanipulatebehindpeople'sbackstogainasenseofpoweroverthesituation.

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Theseactionsmaygiveusatemporaryfeelingofsatisfaction,buttheyonlypostponefacingourpain.

Feelinghurtdoesnothavetobesofrightening.Wedonothavetoworksohardtoavoidit.Whilehurtfeelingsaren'tasmuchfunasfeelinghappy,theyare,still,just
feelings.

Wecansurrendertothem,feelthem,andgoon.Thatdoesnotmeanwehavetoseekouthurtfeelingsordwellunnecessarilyonthem.Emotionalpaindoesnothave
todevastateus.Wecansitstill,feelthepain,figureoutifthere'ssomethingweneedtodototakecareofourselves,andthengoonwithourlife.

Wedonothavetoactinhastewedonothavetopunishotherstogetcontroloverourfeelings.Wecanbeginsharingourhurtfeelingswithothers.Thatbringsrelief
andoftenhealingtothemandtous.

Eventually,welearnthelessonthatrealpowercomesfromallowingourselvestobevulnerableenoughtofeelhurt.Realpowercomesfromknowingwecantakecare
ofourselves,evenwhenwefeelemotionalpain.Realpowercomeswhenwestopholdingothersresponsibleforourpain,andwetakeresponsibilityforallour
feelings.

Today,Iwillsurrendertomyfeelings,eventheemotionallypainfulones.Insteadofactinginhaste,orattemptingtopunishsomeone,Iwillbevulnerable
enoughtofeelmyfeelings.

January8
Vulnerability

Someofusmayhavemadeadecisionthatnoonewasevergoingtohurtusagain.Wemayautomaticallygoon"feelingsfreezemode"whenfacedwithemotional
pain.Or,wemayterminatearelationshipthefirsttimewefeelhurt.

Hurtfeelingsareapartoflife,relationships,andrecovery.

Itisunderstandablethatwedon'twanttofeelanymorepain.Manyofushavehadmorethanourshare.Infact,at

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sometimeinourlife,wemayhavebeenoverwhelmed,crushed,orstoppedinourtracksbytheamountofpainwefelt.Wemaynothavehadtheresourcestocope
withourpainortakecareofourselves.

Thatwasyesterday.Today,wedon'thavetobesofrightenedofpain.Itdoesnothavetooverwhelmas.Wearebecomingstrongenoughtodealwithhurtfeelings.
Andwedon'thavetobecomemartyrs,claimingthathurtfeelingsandsufferingareallthereistolife.

Weneedonlyallowourselvestofeelvulnerableenoughtofeelhurt,whenthat'sappropriate,andtakeresponsibilityforourfeelings,behaviors,andwhatweneedto
dototakecareofourselves.Wedon'thavetoanalyzeorjustifyourfeelings.Weneedtofeelthem,andtrynottoletthemcontrolourbehavior.

Maybeourpainisshowingusweneedtosetaboundarymaybeit'sshowinguswe'regoinginawrongdirectionmaybeit'striggeringadeephealingprocess.

It'sokaytofeelhurtit'sokaytocryit'sokaytohealit'sokaytomoveontothenextfeeling,whenit'stime.Ourwillingnessandcapacitytofeelhurtwilleventually
bematchedbyourwillingnessandcapacitytofeeljoy.

Beinginrecoverydoesnotmeanimmunityfrompainitmeanslearningtotakelovingcareofourselveswhenweareinpain.

Today,Iwillnotstrikeoutatthosewhocausemepain.Iwillfeelmyemotionsandtakeresponsibilityforthem.Iwillaccepthurtfeelingsaspartofbeing
inrelationships.Iamwillingtosurrendertothepainaswellasthejoyinlife.

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January9
ResponsibilityforOurselves
Wehavebeendoingthewrongthingsfortherightreasons.
CodependentNoMore

Caretaking:theactoftakingresponsibilityforotherpeoplewhileneglectingresponsibilityforourselves.Whenweinstinctivelyfeelresponsibleforthefeelings,
thoughts,choices,problems,comfort,anddestinyofothers,wearecaretakers.Wemaybelieve,atanunconsciouslevel,thatothersareresponsibleforour
happiness,justaswe'reresponsiblefortheirs.

It'saworthygoaltobeaconsiderate,loving,nurturingperson.Butcaretakingisneglectingourselvestothepointoffeelingvictimized.Caretakinginvolvescaringfor
othersinwaysthathampertheminlearningtotakeresponsibilityforthemselves.

Caretakingdoesn'twork.Ithurtsotherpeopleithurtsus.Peoplegetangry.Theyfeelhurt,used,andvictimized.Sodowe.

Thekindestandmostgenerousbehaviorwecanchooseistakingresponsibilityforourselvesforwhatwethink,feel,want,andneed.Themostbeneficialactwecan
performistobetruetoourselves,andletotherstakeresponsibilityforthemselves.

Today,Iwillpayattentiontomyactualresponsibilitiestomyself.Iwillletothersdothesame.IfIamindoubtaboutwhatmyactualresponsibilitiesare,I
willtakeaninventory.

January10
Fear

Donotbetootimidandsqueamishaboutyouractions.Alllifeisanexperiment.Themoreexperimentsyoumakethebetter.Whatiftheyarealittlecoarse,andyoumaygetyour

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coatsoiledortorn?Whatifyoudofail,andgetfairlyrolledinthedirtonceortwice?Upagainyoushallneverbesoafraidofatumble.
RalphWaldoEmerson

Fearcanbeabigstopperformanyofus:fearoffragility,fearoffailure,fearofmakingamistake,fearofwhatothersmightthink,fearofsuccess.Wemaysecond
guessournextactionorworduntilwetalkourselvesoutofparticipatinginlife.

"ButIfailedbefore!""Ican'tdoitgoodenough!""Lookatwhathappenedlasttime!""Whatif...?''Thesestatementsmaydisguisefear.Sometimesthefearis
disguisingshame.

AfterIfinishedthefirsttwochaptersofabookIwaswriting,Ireadthemandgrimaced."Nogood,"Ithought."Can'tdoit."Iwasreadytopitchthechapters,andmy
writingcareer,outthewindow.Awriterfriendcalled,andItoldheraboutmyproblem.Shelistenedandtoldme:"Thosechaptersarefine.Stopbeingafraid.Stop
criticizingyourself.Andkeeponwriting."

Ifollowedheradvice.ThebookIalmostthrewawaybecameaNewYorkTimesbestseller.

Relax.Ourbestisgoodenough.Itmaybebetterthanwethink.Evenourfailuresmayturnouttobeimportantlearningexperiencesthatleaddirectlytoandare
necessaryforanupcomingsuccess.

Feelthefear,thenletitgo.Jumpinanddoitwhateveritis.Ifourinstinctsandpathhaveledusthere,it'swhereweneedtobe.

Today,Iwillparticipateinlifetothebestofmyability.Regardlessoftheoutcome,thatmakesmeawinner.

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January11
LettingGoofGuilt

"There'sagoodtrickthatpeopleindysfunctionalrelationshipsuse,"saidonerecoveringwoman."Theotherpersondoessomethinginappropriateorwrong,then
standsthereuntilyoufeelguiltyandendupapologizing."

It'simperativethatwestopfeelingsoguilty.

Muchofthetime,thethingswefeelguiltyaboutarenotourissues.Anotherpersonbehavesinappropriatelyorinsomewayviolatesourboundaries.Wechallengethe
behavior,andthepersongetsangryanddefensive.Thenwefeelguilty.

Guiltcanpreventusfromsettingtheboundariesthatwouldbeinourbestinterests,andinotherpeople'sbestinterests.Guiltcanstopusfromtakinghealthycareof
ourselves.

Wedon'thavetoletotherscountonthefactthatwellalwaysfeelguilty.Wedon'thavetoallowourselvestobecontrolledbyguiltearnedorunearned!Wecan
breakthroughthebarrierofguiltthatholdsusbackfromselfcare.Push.Pushharder.Wearenotatfault,crazy,orwrong.Wehavearighttosetboundariesandto
insistonappropriatetreatment.Wecanseparateanother'sissuesfromourissues,andletthepersonexperiencetheconsequencesofhisorherownbehavior,
includingguilt.Wecantrustourselvestoknowwhenourboundariesarebeingviolated.

Today,Iwillletgoofmybigandlittleguiltyfeelings.Lightandloveareonmyside.

January12
FindingBalance

Thegoalofrecoveryisbalancethatpreciousmiddleground.

Manyofushavegonefromoneextremetoanother:yearsoftakingcareofeveryonebutourselves,followedbyatimeofrefusingtofocusonanyone'sneedsbutour
own.

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Wemayhavespentyearsrefusingtoidentify,feel,anddealwithourfeelings,followedbyaperiodofabsoluteobsessionwitheverytraceofemotionalenergythat
passesthroughourbody.

Wemaysuccumbtopowerlessness,helplessness,andvictimization,thenweswingtotheotherextremebyaggressivelywieldingpoweroverthosearoundus.

Wecanlearntogivetootherswhiletakingresponsibilityforourselves.Wecanlearntotakecareofourfeelings,aswellasourphysical,mental,andspiritualneeds.
Wecannurturethequietconfidenceofowningourpowerasequalsinourrelationshipswithothers.

Thegoalofrecoveryisbalance,butsometimeswegettherebygoingtoextremes.

Today,Iwillbegentlewithmyself,understandingthatsometimestoreachthemiddlegroundofbalance,Ineedtoexplorethepeaksandvalleys.
Sometimes,theonlywayIcanextricatemyselffromavalleyistojumphighenoughtolandonapeak,andthenslowlyeasemyselfdown.

January13
GoodFeelings

Whenwetalkaboutfeelingsinrecovery,weoftenfocusonthetroublesometriopain,fear,andanger.Butthereareotherfeelingsavailableintheemotionalrealm
happiness,joy,peace,contentment,love,closeness,excitement.

It'sokaytoletourselvesfeelpleasurablefeelingstoo.

Wedon'thavetoworrywhenweexperiencegoodfeelingswedon'thavetoscareourselvesoutofthemwedon'thavetosabotageourhappiness.Wedothat,
sometimes,togettothemorefamiliar,lessjoyousterrain.

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It'sokaytofeelgood.Wedon'thavetoanalyze,judge,orjustify.Wedon'thavetobringourselvesdown,orletothersbringusdown,byinjectingnegativity.

Wecanletourselvesfeelgood.

Today,IwillremindmyselfthatitismyrighttofeelasgoodasIcan.IcanhavemanymomentsoffeelinggoodIcanfindabalancedplaceoffeeling
content,peaceful,andgood.

January14
AcceptingAnger
Angerisoneofthemanyprofoundeffectslifehasonus.It'soneofouremotions.Andwe'regoingtofeelitwhenitcomesourwayorelserepressit.
CodependentNoMore

IfIwasworkingagoodprogram,Iwouldn'tgetangry....IfIwasagoodChristian,Iwouldn'tfeelangry....IfIwasreallyusingmyaffirmationsabouthowhappy
Iam,Iwouldn'tbeangry....Thoseareoldmessagesthatseduceusintonotfeelingagain.Angerispartoflife.Weneednotdwellinitorseekitout,butwecan't
affordtoignoreit.

Inrecovery,welearnwecanshamelesslyfeelallourfeelings,includinganger,andstilltakeresponsibilityforwhatwedowhenwefeelangry.Wedon'thavetolet
angercontrolus,butitsurelywillifwepreventourselvesfromfeelingit.

Beinggrateful,beingpositive,beinghealthy,doesnotmeanweneverfeelangry.Beinggrateful,positive,andhealthymeanswefeelangrywhenweneedto.

Today,Iwillletmyselfbeangry,ifIneedto.Icanfeelandreleasemyemotions,includinganger,constructively.Iwillbegratefulformyangerandthe
thingsitistryingtoshowme.Icanfeelandacceptallmyemotionswithoutshame,andIcantakeresponsibilityformyactions.

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January15
StandingUpforOurselves

Welearnsomebehaviorshaveselfdefeatingconsequences,whileothershavebeneficialconsequences.Welearnwehavechoices.
BeyondCodependency

Itissoeasytocometothedefenseofothers.Howclearitiswhenothersarebeingused,controlled,manipulated,orabused.Itissoeasytofighttheirbattles,
becomerighteouslyindignant,rallytotheiraid,andspurthemontovictory.

"Youhaverights,"wetellthem."Andthoserightsarebeingviolated.Standupforyourself,withoutguilt."

Whyisitsohard,then,forustorallytoourownbehalf?Whycan'tweseewhenwearebeingused,victimized,liedto,manipulated,orotherwiseviolated?Whyisit
sodifficultforustostandupforourselves?

Therearetimesinlifewhenwecanwalkagentle,lovingpath.Therearetimes,however,whenweneedtostandupforourselveswhenwalkingthegentle,loving
pathputsusdeeperintothehandsofthosewhocouldmistreatus.

Somedays,thelessonwe'retobelearningandpracticingisoneofsettingboundaries.Somedays,thelessonwe'relearningisthatoffightingforourselvesandour
ownrights.

Sometimes,thelessonwon'tstopuntilwedo.

Today,Iwillrallytomyowncause.Iwillrememberthatitisokaytostandupformyselfwhenthatactionisappropriate.Helpme,God,toletgoofmy
needtobevictimized.Helpmeappropriately,andwithconfidence,standupformyself.

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January16
Prayer

Asamatteroffact,prayeristheonlyrealactioninthefullsenseoftheword,becauseprayeristheonlythingthatchangesone'scharacter.Achangeincharacter,orachangein
soul,isarealchange.
EmmetFox,TheSermonontheMount

EricaJonghassaidthatwearespiritualbeingswhoarehuman.Prayingandmeditatingarewayswetakecareofourspirit.Prayerandmeditationaredisciplines
suggestedbytheEleventhStepofTwelveSteprecoveryprograms:AlAnon,CoDa,AdultChildrenofAlcoholics,andothers.

Prayerandmeditationarenotnecessarilyconnectedtoorganizedreligion.PrayerandmeditationarewaystoimproveourpersonalrelationshipwithaHigherPower
tobenefitourselves,ourlife,andourgrowth.PrayingishowweconnectwithGod.Wedon'tpraybecausewehavetowepraybecausewewantto.Itishowwe
linkoursoultoourSource.

We'relearningtotakecareofouremotions,ourmind,andourphysicalneeds.We'relearningtochangeourbehaviors.Butwe'realsolearningtotakecareofour
spirit,oursoul,becausethatiswherealltruechangebegins.

EachtimewetalktoGod,wearetransformed.EachtimeweconnectwithourHigherPower,weareheard,touched,andchangedforthebest.

Today,Iwillpracticeprayerandmeditation.WhetherIfeeldesperate,uneasy,orpeaceful,IwillmaketheefforttoconnectwithmyHigherPower,atleast
foramomenttoday.

January17
ActingAsIf

Thebehaviorwecall"actingasif"canbeapowerfulrecoverytool.Actingasifisawaytopracticethepositive.It'sa

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positiveformofpretending.It'satoolweusetogetourselvesunstuck.It'satoolwemakeaconsciousdecisiontouse.

Actingasifcanbehelpfulwhenafeelingbeginstocontrolus.Wemakeaconsciousdecisiontoactasifwefeelfineandaregoingtobefine.

Whenaproblemplaguesus,actingasifcanhelpusgetunstuck.Weactasiftheproblemwillbeoralreadyissolved,sowecangoonwithourlife.

Often,actingasifwearedetachedwillsetthestagefordetachmenttocomeinandtakeover.

Therearemanyareaswhereactingasifcombinedwithourotherrecoveryprincipleswillsetthestagefortherealitywedesire.Wecanactasifweloveourselves,
untilweactuallydobegintocareforourselves.Wecanactasifwehavearighttosayno,untilwebelievewedo.

Wedon'tpretendwehaveenoughmoneytocoveracheck.Wedon'tpretendanalcoholicisnotdrinking.Weuseactingasifaspartofourrecovery,tosetthestage
forournewbehaviors.Weforceourselvesthroughpositiverecoverybehaviors,disregardingourdoubtsandfears,untilourfeelingshavetimetocatchupwithreality.

Actingasifisapositivewaytoovercomefears,doubts,andlowselfesteem.Wedonothavetoliewedonothavetobedishonestwithourselves.Weopenupto
thepositivepossibilitiesofthefuture,insteadoflimitingthefuturebytoday'sfeelingsandcircumstances.

Actingasifhelpsusgetpastshakygroundandintosolidterritory.

God,showmetheareaswhereactingasifcouldhelpsetthestagefortherealityIdesire.GuidemeasIusethispowerfulrecoverytooltohelpcreatea
betterlifeandhealthierrelationships.

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January18
Gratitude

Sometimesinlife,thingshappentoofast.Webarelysolveoneproblemwhentwonewproblemssurface.We'refeelinggreatinthemorning,butwe'resubmergedin
miserybynightfall.

Everydaywefaceinterruptions,delays,changes,andchallenges.Wefacepersonalityconflictsanddisappointments.Oftenwhenwe'refeelingoverwhelmed,wecan't
seethelessonsintheseexperiences.

Onesimpleconceptcangetusthroughthemoststressfuloftimes.It'scalledgratitude.Welearntosay,thankyou,fortheseproblemsandfeelings.Thankyoufor
thewaythingsare.Idon'tlikethisexperience,butthankyouanyway.

Forcegratitudeuntilitbecomeshabitual.Gratitudehelpsusstoptryingtocontroloutcomes.Itisthekeythatunlockspositiveenergyinourlife.Itisthealchemythat
turnsproblemsintoblessings,andtheunexpectedintogifts.

Today,Iwillbegrateful.Iwillstarttheprocessofturningtoday'spainintotomorrow'sjoy.

January19
OwningOurPower

Thereisonefeelingweneedtopayparticularattentiontoinrecovery:feelingvictimized.Wedonotneedtobecomecomfortablewiththatfeeling.

Howdowefeelwhenwe'vebeenvictimized?Helpless.Rageful.Powerless.Frustrated.

Feelingvictimizedisdangerous.Often,itcanpromptusintoaddictiveorothercompulsivebehaviors.

Inrecovery,we'relearningtoidentifywhenwe'refeelingvictimized,whenweareactuallybeingvictimized,andwhywe'refeelingvictimized.We'relearningtoown
ourpower,totake

careofourselves,andtoremoveourselvesasvictims.

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Sometimes,owningourpowermeanswerealizewearevictimizingourselvesandothersarenotdoinganythingtohurtus.Theyarelivingtheirlives,astheyhavea
rightto,andwearefeelingvictimizedbecausewe'reattemptingtocontroltheirprocess,orwe'reunreasonablyexpectingthemtotakecareofus.Wemayfeel
victimizedifwegetstuckinacodependentbelief,suchas,Otherpeoplemakemefeel....Othersholdthekeytomyhappinessanddestiny....or,Ican'tbe
happyunlessanotherbehavesinaparticularway,oracertaineventtakesplace....

Othertimes,owningourpowermeanswerealizethatwearebeingvictimizedbyanother'sbehavior.Ourboundariesarebeinginvaded.Inthatcase,wefigureout
whatweneedtodototakecareofourselvestostopthevictimizationweneedtosetboundaries.

Sometimes,achangeofattitudeisallthat'srequired.Wearenotvictims.

Westrivetohavecompassionforthepersonwhovictimizedus,butunderstandthatcompassionoftencomeslater,afterwe'veremovedourselvesasvictimsinbody,
mind,andspirit.Wealsounderstandthattoomuchcompassioncanputusrightbackintothevictimslot.Toomuchpityforapersonwhoisvictimizingusmaysetup
asituationwherethepersoncanvictimizeusagain.

Wetrynottoforceconsequencesorcrisesuponanotherperson,butwealsodonotrescuethatpersonfromlogicalconsequencesofhisorherbehavior.Ifthereisa
partthatisourresponsibilitytoplayindeliveringthoseconsequences,wedoourpartnottocontrolorpunish,buttoberesponsibleforourselvesandtoothers.

Wetrytofigureoutwhatwemaybedoingthatiscausingustofeelvictimized,orwhatpartweareplayinginthesystem,andwestopdoingthattoo.Weare
powerlessoverothersandtheirbehavior,butwecanownourpowertoremoveourselvesasvictims.

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Today,Iwilltakeresponsibilityformyselfandshowittoothersbynotallowingmyselftobevictimized.Icannotcontroloutcomes,butIcancontrolmy
attitudetowardbeingvictimized.IamnotavictimIdonotdeservetobevictimized.

January20
NewBeginnings

Resentmentsaretheblocksthatholdusbackfromlovingourselvesandothers.Resentmentsdonotpunishtheotherpersontheypunishus.Theybecomebarriersto
feelinggoodandenjoyinglife.Theypreventusfrombeinginharmonywiththeworld.Resentmentsarehardenedchunksofanger.Theyloosenupanddissolvewith
forgivenessandlettinggo.

Lettinggoofresentmentsdoesnotmeanweallowtheotherpersontodoanythingtousthatheorshewants.Itmeansweacceptwhathappenedinthepast,andwe
setboundariesforthefuture.Wecanletgoofresentmentsandstillhaveboundaries!

Wetrytoseethegoodintheperson,orthegoodthatultimatelyevolvedfromwhateverincidentwefeelresentfulabout.Wetrytoseeourpart.

Thenweputtheincidenttorest.

Prayingforthoseweresenthelps.AskingGodtotakeourresentmentsfromushelpstoo.

Whatbetterwaytobeginanewyearthanbycleaningtheslateofthepast,andenteringthisonefreeofresentments.

HigherPower,helpmebecomereadytoletgoofmyresentments.Bringanyresentmentsthatarehiddenwithinme,andblockingme,tothesurface.Show
mewhatIneedtodototakecareofmyselfbylettinggoofresentments,andthenhelpmedothat.

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January21
WantsandNeeds

Partoftakingresponsibilityforourselvesmeanstakingresponsibilityforwhatwewantandneed,andknowingthat'sokaytodo.

Learningtotuneintoourselves,learningtolistentoourselves,isanart.Ittakespractice.Wecanuseourabilitytoguesswhatotherswantandneed,andapplythat
skilltoourselves.

Whatdoesitsoundlikewemightwantandneed?Whatwouldweguesswouldhelpusfeelbetter?Whatareourfeelingstellingus?Ourbody?Ourmind?Our
intuition?

Ifweask,thenlistencloselywellheartheanswer.

Wearewiserthanwethink,andwecanbetrusted.

Whatwewantandneedcounts.It'simportant,andit'svalid.It'sokaytolearntoparticipateinmeetingourownneeds.

Wecanlearntoidentifywhatwewantandneedandbepatientwithourselveswhilewe'relearning

Today,IwillpayattentiontowhatIwantandneed.Iwillnotdiscountmyself.

January22
AppreciatingOurPast

Itiseasytobenegativeaboutpastmistakesandunhappiness.Butitismuchmorehealingtolookatourselvesandourpastinthelightofexperience,acceptance,and
growth.Ourpastisaseriesoflessonsthatadvanceustohigherlevelsoflivingandloving.

Therelationshipsweentered,stayedin,orendedtaughtusnecessarylessons.Someofushaveemergedfromthemostpainfulcircumstanceswithstronginsights
aboutwhoweareandwhatwewant.

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Ourmistakes?Necessary.Ourfrustrations,failures,andsometimesstumblingattemptsatgrowthandprogress?Necessarytoo.

Eachstepoftheway,welearned.Wewentthroughexactlytheexperiencesweneededto,tobecomewhowearetoday.Eachstepoftheway,weprogressed.

Isourpastamistake?No.Theonlymistakewecanmakeismistakingthatforthetruth.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofnegativethoughtsImaybeharboringaboutmypastcircumstancesorrelationships.Icanaccept,withgratitude,allthathas
broughtmetotoday.

January23
NewEnergyComing
Funbecomesfun,lovebecomeslove,lifebecomesworthliving.Andwebecomegrateful.
BeyondCodependency

Thereisanewenergy,anewfeelingcomingintoourlife.Wecannotbaseourexpectationsabouthowwewillfeeltomorrow,orevenafewhoursfromnow,on
howwefeelatthismoment.

Therearenotwomomentsintimealike.Wearerecovering.Wearechanging.Ourlifeischanging.Attimes,thingshaven'tworkedoutthewaywewanted.Wehad
lessonstolearn.Thefutureshallnotbelikethepast.

Thetrulydifficulttimesarealmostover.Theconfusion,themostchallenginglearningexperiences,thedifficultfeelingsareabouttopass.

Donotlimitthefuturebythepast!

Reflectonthebeginningofyourrecovery.Haven'ttherebeenmanychangesthathavebroughtyoutowhereyouarenow?Reflectononeyearago.Haven'tyouand
yourcircumstanceschangedsincethen?

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Sometimes,problemsandfeelingslingerforawhile.Thesetimesaretemporary.Timesofconfusion,uncertainty,timesoflivingwithaparticularunsolvedproblemdo
notlastforever.

Wemakethesetimesdoublyhardbycomparingthemtoourpast.Eachsituationandcircumstancehashaditsparticularinfluenceinshapingwhoweare.Wedonot
havetoscareourselvesbycomparingourpresentandfuturetoapainfulpast,especiallyourpastbeforewebeganrecoveringorbeforewelearnedthrougha
particularexperience.

Knowthatthediscomfortwillnotbepermanent.Donottrytofigureouthowyoushallfeelorwhenyoushallfeeldifferently.Instead,trust.Accepttoday,butdonot
belimitedbyit.

Anewenergyiscoming.Anewfeelingisontheway.Wecannotpredicthowitwillbebylookingathowitwasorhowitis,becauseitshallbeentirelydifferent.We
havenotworkedandstruggledinvain.Ithasbeenforandtowardsomething.

Timesarechangingforthebetter.Continueonthepathoftrustandobedience.Beopentothenew.

Today,God,helpmenotjudgeorlimitmyfuturebymypast.Helpmebeopentoalltheexcitingpossibilitiesforchange,bothwithinandaroundme.

January24
ClearingtheSlate

Oneofthegreatestgiftswecangiveisanopen,lovingheart.Andholdingontonegativefeelingsfrompastrelationshipsisourgreatestbarriertothatgift.

Mostofushavehadrelationshipsthathaveended.Whenweexaminetheserelationships,weneedtocleartheemotionalslate.Areweholdingontoangeror
resentments?Arewestillfeelingvictimized?Arewelivingwiththe

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selfdefeatingbeliefsthatmaybeattachedtotheserelationshipsWomencan'tbetrusted....Bossesusepeople....Thenisnosuchthingasagood
relationship....

Letgoofallthatmaybeblockingyourrelationshipstoday.Withgreatcertainty,wecanknowthatoldfeelingsandselfdefeatingbeliefswillblockustodayfrom
givingandgettingthelovewedesire.Wecancleartheslateofthepast.Itbeginswithawareness,honesty,andopenness.Theprocessiscompletewhenwereacha
stateofacceptanceandpeacetowardallfromourpast.

Today,Iwillbegintheprocessoflettinggoofallselfdefeatingfeelingsandbeliefsconnectedtopastrelationships.IwillclearmyslatesoIamfreetoloveandbe
loved.

January25
StepOne
Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcoholthatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.
StepOneofAlAnon

TherearemanydifferentversionsoftheFirstStepforrecoveringcodependents.Someofusadmitpowerlessnessoveralcoholoranother'salcoholism.Someofus
admitpowerlessnessoverpeoplesomeovertheimpactofgrowingupinanalcoholicfamily.

OneofthemostsignificantwordsintheFirstStepisthewordwe.Wecometogetherbecauseofacommonproblem,and,inthecomingtogether,wefindacommon
solution.

ThroughthefellowshipofTwelveStepprograms,manyofusdiscoverthatalthoughwemayhavefeltaloneinourpain,othershaveexperiencedasimilarsuffering.
Andnowmanyarejoininghandsinasimilarrecovery.

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We.Asignificantpartofrecovery.Asharedexperience.Asharedstrength,strongerforthesharing.Asharedhopeforbetterlivesandrelationships.

Today,Iwillbegratefulforthemanypeopleacrosstheworldwhocallthemselves''recoveringcodependents.''Helpmeknowthateachtimeoneofus
takesastepforward,wepulltheentiregroupforward.

January26
OffTheHook

Wecanlearnnottogethookedintounhealthy,selfdefeatingbehaviorsinrelationshipsbehaviorssuchascaretaking,controlling,discountingourselves,andbelieving
lies.

Wecanlearntowatchforandidentifyhooks,andchoosenottoallowourselvestobehooked.

Often,peopledothingsconsciouslyorwithoutthinkingthatpullusintoaseriesofourselfdefeatingbehaviorswecallcodependency.Moreoftenthannot,these
hookscanbealmostdeliberate,andtheresultspredictable.

Someonemaystandbeforeusandhintorsighaboutaproblem,knowingorhopingthathintorsighwillhookusintotakingcareofhimorher.Thatismanipulation.

Whenpeoplestandaroundusandhintandsighaboutsomething,thencoylysay,"Oh,nevermind,that'snotforyoutoworryabout,"that'sagame.Weneedto
recognizeit.We'reabouttogetsuckedin,ifweallowthattohappen.

Wecanlearntoinsistthatpeopleaskusdirectlyforwhattheywantandneed.

Whatarethewords,thesigns,thelooks,thehints,thecuesthathookusintoapredictable,andoftenselfdefeatingbehavior?

Whatmakesyoufeelsympathy?Guilt?Responsibleforanother?

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Ourstrongpointisthatwecaresomuch.Ourweakpointisthatweoftenunderestimatethepeoplewithwhomwe'redealing.Theyknowwhatthey'redoing.Itis
timewegiveupournaiveassumptionthatpeopledon'tfollowagendasoftheirownintheirbestinterest,andnotnecessarilyinours.

Wealsowanttocheckourselvesout.Dowegiveouthooks,looks,hints,hopingtohookanother?Weneedtoinsistthatwebehaveinadirectandhonestmanner
withothers,insteadofexpectingthemtorescueus.

Ifsomeonewantssomethingfromus,insistthatthepersonaskusdirectlyforit.Requirethesamefromourselves.Ifsomeonebaitsthehook,wedon'thavetobiteit.

Today,Iwillbeawareofthehooksthatsnagmeintothecaretakingactsthatleavemefeelingvictimized.Iwillignorethehints,looks,andwordsthat
hookme,andwaitforthedirectnessandhonestyI,andothers,deserve.

January27
NeedingPeople

Wecanfindthebalancebetweenneedingpeopletoomuchandnotlettingourselvesneedanyoneatall.

Manyofushaveunmetdependencyneedslingeringfromthepast.Whilewewantotherstofulfillourdesiretobelovedunconditionally,wemayhavechosenpeople
whocannot,orwillnot,bethereforus.Someofusaresoneedyfromnotbeinglovedthatwedrivepeopleawaybyneedingthemtoomuch.

Someofusgototheotherextreme.Wemayhavebecomeusedtopeoplenotbeingthereforus,sowepushthemaway.Wefightoffourfeelingsofneedinessby
becomingoverlyindependent,notallowingourselvestoneedanyone.Someofuswon'tletpeoplebethereforus.

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Eitherway,wearelivingoutunfinishedbusiness.Wedeservebetter.Whenwechange,ourcircumstanceswillchange.

Ifwearetooneedy,werespondtothatbyacceptingtheneedypartofus.Weletourselveshealfromthepainofpastneedsgoingunmet.Westoptellingourselves
we'reunlovablebecausewehaven'tbeenlovedthewaywewantedandneeded.

Ifwehaveshutoffthepartofusthatneedspeople,webecomewillingtoopenup,bevulnerable,andletourselvesbeloved.Weletourselveshaveneeds.

Wewillgettheloveweneedanddesirewhenwebegintobelievewe'relovable,andwhenweallowthattohappen.

Today,Iwillstriveforthebalancebetweenbeingtooneedyandnotallowingmyselftoneedpeople.Iwillletmyselfreceivethelovethatisthereforme.

January28
StayinginthePresentMoment

Often,oneofourbiggestquestionsis"What'sgoingtohappen?"Wemayaskthisaboutourrelationships,ourcareer,ourrecovery,ourlife.Itiseasytotangle
ourselvesupinworrisomethoughts.

Worryingaboutwhat'sgoingtohappenblocksusfromfunctioningeffectivelytoday.Itkeepsusfromdoingourbestnow.Itblocksusfromlearningandmastering
today'slessons.Stayinginthenow,doingourbest,andparticipatingfullytodayareallweneedtodotoassureourselvesthatwhat'sgoingtohappentomorrowwill
beforthebest.

Worryingaboutwhat'sgoingtohappenisanegativecontributiontoourfuture.Livinginthehereandnowisultimatelythebestthingwecando,notonlyfortoday,but
fortomorrow.Ithelpsourrelationships,ourcareer,ourrecoveryandourlife.

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Thingswillworkout,ifweletthem.Ifwemustfocusonthefutureotherthantoplan,allweneedtodoisaffirmthatitwillbegood.

IprayforfaiththatmyfuturewillbegoodifIlivetodaywell,andinpeace.IwillrememberthatstayinginthepresentisthebestthingIcandoformy
future.Iwillfocusonwhat'shappeningnowinsteadofwhat'sgoingtohappentomorrow.

January29
GoingtoMeetings
Iamstillamazed,afteryearsofrecovering,athoweasilyIcanbegintotalkmyselfoutofattendingmeetings.IamalsostillamazedathowgoodIfeelwhenIgo.
Anonymous

Wedon'thavetostaystuckinourmiseryanddiscomfort.Animmediateoptionisavailablethatwillhelpusfeelbetter:gotoameeting,aTwelveStepsupportgroup.

Whyresistwhatcanhelpusfeelbetter?Whysitinourobsessionordepressionwhenattendingameetingevenifthatmeansanextrameetingwouldhelpusfeel
better?

Toobusy?

Thereare168hoursineachweek.Taking1or2hoursaweekforameetingcanmaximizethepotentialoftheremaining166hours.Ifwegetintoour"codependent
stuff,"wecaneasilyspendamajorityofourwakinghoursobsessing,sittinganddoingnothing,lyinginbedandfeelingdepressed,orchasingafterotherpeople's
needs.Nottakingthose2hoursforameetingcancauseustowastetheremaininghours.

Tootired?

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Thereisnothingasinvigoratingasgettingbackontrack.Goingtoameetingcanaccomplishthat.

Today,Iwillrememberthatgoingtomeetingshelps.

January30
ReligiousFreedom

"...aPowergreaterthanourselves....""GodasweunderstoodHim."ThesewordsintroducespiritualityintheTwelveSteps.Theyarethefirsttworeferencesto
God,andtheyarewordedthatwayforareason.

Weeachhavethefreedomtodefine,andunderstand,ourHigherPowerGodaswechoose.

Thatmeanswedonotbringourreligiousaffiliationintoourrecoverygroups.Itmeansthatwedonottrytoimposeourreligiousbeliefs,orourunderstandingofGod,
onanyoneelse.Wedonotuseourgroupsormeetingsasasoapboxtogainreligiousconverts.Wedonottrytoforcetheparticularsofourreligiousbeliefson
others.

Wegiveourselves,andeachperson,therighttoapersonalunderstandingofaHigherPower.

Today,Iwillrespectotherpeople'sunderstandingofGod,aswellasmyown.Iwillnotallowothers'judgmentofmybeliefstocausemeanxietyanddistress.Iwill
seektogrowspirituallyinrecovery,withorwithouttheassistanceofaparticularreligionordenomination.

January31
AskingforWhatWeNeed

Oneevening,Iwasalone,weary,andexhausted.Iwasinthemidstofextensivetraveling,disconnectedfromfriendsandfamily.Ihadflownhomefortheevening,but
itseemedlikenobodynoticed.Peoplewereusedtomebeinggone.

Itwaslateatnight,andIbeganarguingwithGod.

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"I'moutthereworkinghard.I'mlonely.Ineedtoknowsomeonecares.You'vetoldmetotellYouwhatIneed,andtonight,God,Iparticularlyneedthepresenceof
maleenergy.Ineedafriend,someoneIcantrusttocareaboutmeinanonsexual,nonexploitiveway.Ineedtobeheld.Now,whereareyou?"

Ilaydownonthecouchandclosedmyeyes.Iwastootiredtodoanythingbutletgo.

Thetelephonerangminuteslater.Itwasaformercolleaguewhohadsincebecomemyfriend."Hey,kid,"hesaid."Yousoundreallytiredandneedy.Stayrightwhere
youare.I'mgoingtodriveoutandgiveyouafootrub.Itsoundsexactlylikewhatyouneed."

Halfanhourlater,heknockedonmydoor.Hebroughtasmallbottleofoilwithhim,andgentlymassagedmyfeet,gavemeahug,toldmehowmuchhecaredabout
me,thenleft.

Ismiled.IhadreceivedexactlywhatIaskedfor.

ItissafetotrustGod.

Today,IwillrememberGodcaresaboutwhatIneed,especiallyifIdo.

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February

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February1
StepTwo
CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.
StepTwoofAlAnon

Wecometobelieveinabetterlifethroughthepowerfulgiftofotherpeoplehearingthem,seeingthem,watchingthegiftofrecoveryatworkintheirlives.

ThereisaPowergreaterthanourselves.Thereisrealhopenowthatthingscanandwillbedifferentandbetterforusandourlife.

Wearenotina"doitourselves"program.Wedonothavetoexertwillpowertochange.Wedonothavetoforceourrecoverytohappen.Wedonothavetopull
ourselvesupbyourbootstrapsjustsowebelievethatthereisaPowergreaterthanourselvesonewhowillgetthejobdoneinourlife.ThisPowerwilldoforus
whatyourgreatestandmostdiligenteffortscouldnotaccomplish.

OurHigherPowerwillrestoreustoasaneandbeneficiallife.Allwedoisbelieve.

Look.Watch.Seethepeoplearoundyou.Seethehealingtheyhavefound.Thendiscoveryourownfaith,yourownbelief,yourownhealing.

Today,regardlessofmycircumstances,IwillbelievetothebestofmyabilitythataPowergreaterthanmyselfcanandwillrestoremetoapeaceful,sane
wayofliving.ThenIwillrelaxandletHimdothat.

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February2
TrustingOurHigherPower
MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodhim.
StepThreeofAlAnon

SomuchtalkaboutaHigherPower,GodasweunderstandGod.SomuchjoyaswecometounderstandHim.

Spiritualityandspiritualgrowtharethefoundationsofchange.Recoveryfromcodependencyisnotadoityourselftask.

IsGodarelentlesstaskmaster?Ahardhearted,shamingwizardwithtricksupthesleeve?IsGoddeaf?Uncaring?Haphazard?Unforgiving?

No.

AlovingGod,acaringGod.ThatistheGodofourrecovery.Nomorepainthanisnecessaryforusefulness,healing,andcleansing.Asmuchgoodnessandjoyasour
heartcanhold,assoonasourheartishealed,open,andreadytoreceive.God:approving,accepting,instantlyforgiving.

Godhasplannedlittlegiftsalongthewaytobrightenourday,andsometimesbig,delightfulsurprisesperfectlytimed,perfectforus.

AMasterArtist,Godwillweavetogetherallourjoy,sadness,andexperiencetocreateaportraitofourlifewithdepth,beauty,sensitivity,color,humor,andfeeling.

GodasweunderstandHim:AlovingGod.TheGodofourrecovery.

Today,IwillopenmyselftothecareofalovingGod.Then,IwillletGodshowmelove.

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February3
RejectingShame

Shamecanbeapowerfulforceinourlife.Itisthetrademarkofdysfunctionalfamilies.

Authentic,legitimateguiltisthefeelingorthoughtthatwhatwedidisnotokay.Itindicatesthatourbehaviorneedstobecorrectedoraltered,oranamendneedsto
bemade.

Shameisanoverwhelmingnegativesensethatwhoweareisn'tokay.Shameisanowinsituation.Wecanchangeourbehaviors,butwecan'tchangewhoweare.
Shamecanpropelusdeeperintoselfdefeatingandsometimesselfdestructivebehaviors.

Whatarethethingsthatcancauseustofeelshame?Wemayfeelashamedwhenwehaveaproblemorsomeonewelovehasaproblem.Wemayfeelashamedfor
makingmistakesorforsucceeding.Wemayfeelashamedaboutcertainfeelingsorthoughts.Wemayfeelashamedwhenwehavefun,feelgood,orarevulnerable
enoughtoshowourselvestoothers.Someofusfeelashamedjustforbeing.

Shameisaspellothersputonustocontrolus,tokeepusplayingourpartindysfunctionalsystems.Itisaspellmanyofushavelearnedtoputonourselves.

Learningtorejectshamecanchangethequalityofourlife.It'sokaytobewhoweare.Wearegoodenough.Ourfeelingsareokay.Ourpastisokay.It'sokayto
haveproblems,makemistakes,andstruggletofindourpath.It'sokaytobehumanandcherishourhumanness.

Acceptingourselvesisthefirststeptowardrecovery.Lettinggoofshameaboutwhoweareisthenextimportantstep.

Today,IwillwatchforsignsthatIhavefallenintoshame'strap.IfIgethookedintoshame,Iwillgetmyselfoutbyacceptingmyselfandaffirmingthatit's
okaytobewhoIam.

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February4
EnjoyingRecovery

Whatajourney!

Thisprocessofgrowthandchangetakesusalonganeverchangingroad.Sometimesthewayishardandcraggy.Sometimesweclimbmountains.Sometimesweslide
downtheothersideonatoboggan.

Sometimeswerest.

Sometimeswegropethroughthedarkness.Sometimeswe'reblindedbysunlight.

Attimesmanymaywalkwithusontheroadsometimeswefeelnearlyalone.

Everchanging,alwaysinteresting,alwaysleadingsomeplacebetter,someplacegood.

Whatajourney!

Today,God,helpmerelaxandenjoythescenery.HelpmeknowI'mrightwhereIneedtobeonmyjourney.

February5
FinancialResponsibility

Weareresponsibleforourselvesfinancially.

Whatafrightening,grownupthoughtthatisformanyofustakingresponsibilityformoneyandourfinancialaffairs.Formanyofus,handingoverresponsibilityfor
ourfinancialaffairshasbeenpartofacodependenttradeoffinourrelationships.

Someofouremotionaldependencyonothers,onthistighttiethatbindsustoothers,notinlove,butinneedanddesperation,isdirectlyrelatedtofinancial
dependency.Ourfearsandreluctancetotakeresponsibilityforourfinancialaffairscanbeabarriertothefreedomwe'reseekinginrecovery.

Financialresponsibilityisanattitude.Moneygoesouttopayfornecessitiesandluxuries.Moneymustcomein,in

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ordertogoout.Howmuchneedstocomeintoequalthatwhichisgoingout?

Taxes...savingsplans...appropriatespendinghabitsthatdemonstrateanattitudeoffinancialresponsibility....Partofbeingalivemeanslearningtohandlemoney.
Evenifwehaveahealthycontractwithsomeonethatallowsustodependonhimorherformoney,westillneedtounderstandhowmoneyworks.Westillneedto
adoptanattitudeoffinancialresponsibilityforourselves.Evenifwehaveacontractwithsomeoneelsetoprovideforourfinancialneeds,weneedtounderstandthe
workingsofthemoneyearnedandspentinourlife.

Selfesteemwillincreasewhenweincreaseoursenseofbeingfinanciallyresponsibleforourselves.Wecanstartwhereweare,withwhatwehavetoday.

God,helpmebecomewillingtoletgoofmyfearsandreluctancetofacethenecessarypartsofhandlingmoneyresponsiblyinmylife.Showmethelessons
Ineedtolearnaboutmoney.

February6
StoppingVictimization

Beforerecovery,manyofuslackedaframeofreferencewithwhichtonamethevictimizationandabuseinourlife.Wemayhavethoughtitwasnormalthatpeople
mistreatedus.Wemayhavebelievedwedeservedmistreatmentwemayhavebeenattractedtopeoplewhomistreatedus.

Weneedtoletgo,onadeeplevel,ofourneedtobevictimizedandtobevictims.Weneedtoletgoofourneedtobeindysfunctionalrelationshipsandsystemsat
work,inlove,infamilyrelationships,infriendships.Wedeservebetter.Wedeservemuchbetter.Itisourright.Whenwebelieveinourrighttohappiness,wewill
havehappiness.

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Wewillfightforthatright,andthefightwillemergefromoursouls.Breakfreefromoppressionandvictimization.

Today,Iwillliberatemyselfbylettinggoofmyneedtobeavictim,andI'llexploremyfreedomtotakecareofmyself.Thatliberationwillnottakeme
furtherawayfrompeopleIlove.ItwillbringmeclosertopeopleandmoreinharmonywithGod'splanformylife.

February7
OwningOurPower

Weneedtomakeadistinctionbetweenpowerlessnessandowningourpower.

Thefirststepinrecoveryisacceptingpowerlessness.Therearesomethingswecan'tdo,nomatterhowlongorhardwetry.Thesethingsincludechangingother
people,solvingtheirproblems,andcontrollingtheirbehavior.Sometimes,wefeelpowerlessoverourselveswhatwefeelorbelieve,ortheeffectsofaparticular
situationorpersononus.

It'simportanttosurrendertopowerlessness,butit'sequallyimportanttoownourpower.Wearen'ttrapped.Wearen'thelpless.Sometimesitmayfeellikeweare,
butwearen't.WeeachhavetheGodgivenpower,andtheright,totakecareofourselvesinanycircumstance,andwithanyperson.Themiddlegroundofselfcare
liesbetweenthetwoextremesofcontrollingothersandallowingthemtocontrolus.Wecanwalkthatgroundgentlyorassertively,butinconfidencethatitisourright
andresponsibility.

Letthepowercometowalkthatpath.

Today,IwillrememberthatIcantakecareofmyself.Ihavechoices,andIcanexercisetheoptionsIchoosewithoutguilt.

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February8
LettingGoofGuilt

Feelinggoodaboutourselvesisachoice.Soisfeelingguilty.Whenguiltislegitimate,itactsasawarninglight,signalingthatwe'reoffcourse.Thenitspurposeis
finished.

Wallowinginguiltallowsotherstocontrolus.Itmakesusfeelnotgoodenough.Itpreventsusfromsettingboundariesandtakingotherhealthyactiontocarefor
ourselves.

Wemayhavelearnedtohabituallyfeelguiltyasaninstinctivereactiontolife.Nowweknowthatwedon'thavetofeelguilty.Evenifwe'vedonesomethingthat
violatesavalue,extendedguiltdoesnotsolvetheproblemitprolongstheproblem.Somakeanamend.Changeabehavior.Thenletguiltgo.

Today,God,helpmetobecomeentirelyreadytoletgoofguilt.Pleasetakeitfromme,andreplaceitwithselflove.

February9
LettingGoinLove
Whenpeoplewithacompulsivedisorderdowhateveritistheyarecompelledtodo,theyarenotsayingtheydon'tloveyoutheyaresayingtheydon'tlovethemselves.
CodependentNoMore

Gentlepeople,gentlesouls,goinlove.

Yes,attimesweneedtobefirm,assertive:thosetimeswhenwechange,whenweacquireanewbehavior,whenweneedtoconvinceothersandourselveswehave
rights.

Thosetimesarenotpermanent.Wemayneedtogetangrytomakeadecisionorsetaboundary,butwecan'taffordtostayresentful.Itisdifficulttohavecompassion
foronewhoisvictimizingus,butoncewe'veremovedourselvesasvictims,wecanfindcompassion.

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Ourpath,ourway,isagentleone,walkedinloveloveforself,loveforothers.Setboundaries.Detach.Takecareofourselves.Andasquicklyaspossible,do
thosethingsinlove.

Today,andwheneverpossible,God,letmebegentlewithmyselfandothers.Helpmefindthebalancebetweenassertiveactiontakeninmyownbest
interests,andloveforothers.Helpmeunderstandthatattimesthosetwoideasareone.Helpmefindtherightpathforme.

February10
LettingGoofSadness

Ablocktojoyandlovecanbeunresolvedsadnessfromthepast.

Inthepast,wetoldourselvesmanythingstodenythepain:Itdoesn'thurtthatmuch....MaybeifIjustwait,thingswillchange....It'snobigdeal.Icangetthrough
this....MaybeifItrytochangetheotherperson,Iwon'thavetochangemyself.

Wedeniedthatithurtbecausewedidn'twanttofeelthepain.

Unfinishedbusinessdoesn'tgoaway.Itkeepsrepeatingitself,untilitgetsourattention,untilwefeelit,dealwithit,andheal.That'sonelessonwearelearningin
recoveryfromcodependencyandadultchildrenissues.

Manyofusdidn'thavethetools,support,orsafetyweneededtoacknowledgeandacceptpaininourpast.It'sokay.We'resafenow.Slowly,carefully,wecan
begintoopenourselvesuptoourfeelings.Wecanbegintheprocessoffeelingwhatwehavedeniedsolongnottoblame,nottoshame,buttohealourselvesin
preparationforabetterlife.

It'sokaytocrywhenweneedtocryandfeelthesadnessmanyofushavestoredwithinforsolong.Wecanfeelandreleasethesefeelings.

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Griefisacleansingprocess.It'sanacceptanceprocess.Itmovesusfromourpast,intotoday,andintoabetterfutureafuturefreeofsabotagingbehaviors,afuture
thatholdsmoreoptionsthanourpast.

God,asImovethroughthisday,letmebeopentomyfeelings.Today,helpmeknowthatIdon'thavetoeitherforceorrepressthehealingavailabletome
inrecovery.HelpmetrustthatifIamopenandavailable,thehealingwillhappennaturally,inamanageableway.

February11
DivinelyLed
Sendmetherightthought,word,oraction.Showmewhatmynextstepshouldbe.Intimesofdoubtandindecision,pleasesendYourinspirationandguidance.
AlcoholicsAnonymous

ThegoodnewsofsurrenderingourselvesandourlifetoaPowergreaterthanourselvesisthatwecomeintoharmonywithaGrandPlan,onegreaterthanwecan
imagine.

WearepromisedDivineGuidanceifweaskforit,ifweworktheTwelveSteps.Whatgreatergiftcouldwereceivethanknowingourthoughts,words,andactions
arebeingdirected?

Wearen'tamistake.Andwedon'thavetocontrolorrepressourselvesorothersforlifetoworkout.Eventhestrange,theunplanned,thepainful,andthosethingswe
callerrorscanevolveintoharmony.

Wewillbeguidedintounderstandingwhatweneedtodototakecareofourselves.Wewillbegintotrustourinstincts,ourfeelings,ourthoughts.Wewillknowwhen
to

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go,tostop,towait.Wewilllearnagreattruth:theplanwillhappeninspiteofus,notbecauseofus.

Ipraytodayandeachdaythatmythoughts,words,andactionsmaybeDivinelyled.IpraythatIcanmoveforwardinconfidence,knowingmystepsare
guided.

February12
LettingGoofThoseNotinRecovery

Wecangoforwardwithourlifeandrecoveries,eventhoughsomeoneweloveisnotyetrecovering.

Pictureabridge.Ononesideofthebridgeitiscoldanddark.Westoodtherewithothersinthecoldanddarkness,doubledoverinpain.Someofusdevelopedan
eatingdisordertocopewiththepain.Somedranksomeusedotherdrugs.Someofuslostcontrolofoursexualbehavior.Someofusobsessivelyfocusedon
addictedpeople'spaintodistractusfromourownpain.Manyofusdidboth:wedevelopedanaddictivebehavior,anddistractedourselvesbyfocusingonother
addictedpeople.Wedidnotknowtherewasabridge.Wethoughtweweretrappedonacliff.

Then,someofusgotlucky.Oureyesopened,bytheGraceofGod,becauseitwastime.Wesawthebridge.Peopletolduswhatwasontheotherside:warmth,
light,andhealingfromourpain.Wecouldbarelyglimpseorimaginethis,butwedecidedtostartthetrekacrossthebridgeanyway.

Wetriedtoconvincethepeoplearoundusonthecliffthattherewasabridgetoabetterplace,buttheywouldn'tlisten.Theycouldn'tseeittheycouldn'tbelieve.
Theywerenotreadyforthejourney.Wedecidedtogoalone,becausewebelieved,andbecausepeopleontheothersidewerecheeringusonward.Thecloserwe
gottotheotherside,themorewecouldsee,andfeel,thatwhatwehadbeenpromisedwas

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real.Therewaslight,warmth,healing,andlove.Theothersidewasabetterplace.

Butnow,thereisabridgebetweenusandthoseontheotherside.Sometimes,wemaybetemptedtogobackanddragthemoverwithus,butitcannotbedone.No
onecanbedraggedorforcedacrossthisbridge.Eachpersonmustgoathisorherownchoice,whenthetimeisright.Somewillcomesomewillstayontheother
side.Thechoiceisnotours.

Wecanlovethem.Wecanwavetothem.Wecanhollerbackandforth.Wecancheerthemon,asothershavecheeredandencouragedus.Butwecannotmake
themcomeoverwithus.

Ifourtimehascometocrossthebridge,orifwehavealreadycrossedandarestandinginthelightandwarmth,wedonothavetofeelguilty.Itiswherewearemeant
tobe.Wedonothavetogobacktothedarkcliffbecauseanother'stimehasnotyetcome.

Thebestthingwecandoisstayinthelight,becauseitreassuresothersthatthereisabetterplace.Andifotherseverdodecidetocrossthebridge,wewillbethere
tocheerthemon.

Today,Iwillmoveforwardwithmylife,despitewhatothersaredoingornotdoing.Iwillknowitismyrighttocrossthebridgetoabetterlife,evenifI
mustleaveothersbehindtodothat.Iwillnotfeelguilty,Iwillnotfeelashamed.IknowthatwhereIamnowisabetterplaceandwhereI'mmeanttobe.

February13
TrustingOurselves

Whatagreatgiftwe'vebeengivenourselves.Tolistentoourselves,totrustinstinctandintuition,istopaytributetothatgift.

Whatadisservicenottoheedtheleadingsandleaningsthatsonaturallyarisefromwithin.Whenwillwelearnthat

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theseleadingsandleaningsdrawusintoGod'srichplanforus?

Wewilllearn.Wewilllearnbylistening,trusting,andfollowingthrough.Whatisittimetodo?...WhatdoIneedtodototakecareofmyself?..WhatamIbeingled
todo?...WhatdoIknow?

Listen,andwewillknow.Listentothevoicewithin.

Today,Iwilllistenandtrust.Iwillbehelpedtotakeactionwhenthatisneeded.IcantrustmyselfandGod.

February14
Valentines'sDay

Forchildren,Valentine'sDaymeanscandyhearts,sillycards,andexcitementintheair.

HowdifferentValentine'sDaycanbeforusasadults.TheLoveDaycanbeasymbolthatwehavenotyetgottenlovetoworkforusaswewouldlike.

Oritcanbeasymbolofsomethingdifferent,somethingbetter.Weareinrecoverynow.Wehavebegunthehealingprocess.Ourmostpainfulrelationships,wehave
learned,haveassistedusonthejourneytohealing,eveniftheydidlittlemorethanpointoutourownissuesorshowuswhatwedon'twantinourlife.

Wehavestartedthejourneyoflearningtoloveourselves.Wehavestartedtheprocessofopeningourhearttolove,reallovethatflowsfromus,toothers,andback
again.Dosomethinglovingforyourself.Dosomethinglovingandfunforyourfriends,foryourchildren,orforanyoneyouchoose.

ItistheLoveDay.Whereverweareinourhealingprocess,wecanhaveasmuchfunwithitaswechoose.Whatever

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ourcircumstances,wecanbegratefulthatourheartisopeningtolove.

Iwillopenmyselftotheloveavailabletomefrompeople,theUniverse,andmyHigherPowertoday.IwillallowmyselftogiveandreceivetheloveIwant
today.Iamgratefulthatmyheartishealing,thatIamlearningtolove.

February15
Control

Sometimes,thegraydaysscareus.Thosearethedayswhentheoldfeelingscomerushingback.Wemayfeelneedy,scared,ashamed,unabletocareforourselves.

Whenthishappens,it'shardtotrustourselves,others,thegoodnessoflife,andthegoodintentionsofourHigherPower.Problemsseemoverwhelming.Thepast
seemssenselessthefuture,bleak.Wefeelcertainthethingswewantinlifewillneverhappen.

Inthosemoments,wemaybecomeconvincedthatthingsandpeopleoutsideofourselvesholdthekeytoourhappiness.That'swhenwemaytrytocontrolpeople
andsituationstomaskourpain.Whenthese''codependentcrazies''strike,othersoftenbegintoreactnegativelytoourcontrolling.

Whenwe'reinafrenziedstate,searchingforhappinessoutsideourselvesandlookingtootherstoprovideourpeaceandstability,rememberthis:Evenifwecould
controlthingsandpeople,evenifwegotwhatwewanted,wewouldstillbeourselves.Ouremotionalstatewouldstillbeinturmoil.

Peopleandthingsdon'tstopourpainorhealus.Inrecovery,welearnthatthisisourjob,andwecandoitbyusingourresources:ourselves,ourHigherPower,our
supportsystems,andourrecoveryprogram.

Often,afterwe'vebecomepeaceful,trusting,andaccepting,whatwewantcomestouswitheaseandnaturalness.

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Thesunbeginstoshineagain.Isn'titfunny,andisn'tittrue,howallchangereallydoesbeginwithus?

Icanletgoofthingsandpeopleandmyneedtocontroltoday.Icandealwithmyfeelings.Icangetpeaceful.Icangetcalm.Icangetbackontrackand
findthetruekeytohappinessmyself.Iwillrememberthatagraydayisjustthatonegrayday.

February16
Detachment

Theconceptoflettinggocanbeconfusingtomanyofus.Whenarewedoingtoomuchortryingtoohardtocontrolpeopleandoutcomes?Whenarewedoingtoo
little?Wheniswhatwe'redoinganappropriatepartoftakingcareofourselves?Whatisourresponsibility,andwhatisn't?

Theseissuescanchallengeuswhetherwe'vebeeninrecoverytendaysortenyears.Sometimes,wemayletgosomuchthatweneglectresponsibilitytoourselvesor
others.Othertimes,wemaycrossthelinefromtakingcareofourselvestocontrollingothersandoutcomes.

Thereisnorulebook.Butwedon'thavetomakeourselvescrazywedon'thavetobesoafraid.Wedon'thavetodorecoveryperfectly.Ifitfeelslikeweneedtodo
aparticularaction,wecandoit.Ifnoactionfeelstimelyorinspired,don'tactonit.

Havingandsettinghealthylimitshealthyboundariesisn'tatidyprocess.Wecangiveourselvespermissiontoexperiment,tomakemistakes,tolearn,togrow.

Wecantalktopeople,askquestions,andquestionourselves.Ifthere'ssomethingweneedtodoorlearn,itwillbecomeapparent.Lessonsdon'tgoaway.Ifwe're
nottaking

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careofourselvesenough,wellseethat.Ifwearebeingtoocontrolling,wellgrowtounderstandthattoo.

Thingswillworkout.Thewaywillbecomeclear.

Today,Iwilltakeactionsthatappearappropriate.Iwillletgooftherest.Iwillstriveforthebalancebetweenselfresponsibility,responsibilitytoothers,
andlettinggo.

February17
Acceptance

Ourbasicrecoveryconceptthatneverlosesitspowertoworkmiraclesistheconceptcalledacceptance.

Wedonotachieveacceptanceinamoment.Weoftenhavetoworkthroughamirageoffeelingssometimesanger,outrage,shame,selfpity,orsadness.Butif
acceptanceisourgoal,wewillachieveit.

Whatismorefreeingthantolaughatourweaknessesandtobegratefulforourstrengths?Toknowtheentirepackagecalled"us"withallourfeelings,thoughts,
tendencies,andhistoryisworthyofacceptanceandbringshealingfeelings.

Toacceptourcircumstancesisanothermiraculouscure.Foranythingtochangeoranyonetochange,wemustfirstacceptourselves,others,andthecircumstance
exactlyastheyare.Then,weneedtotakeitonestepfurther.Weneedtobecomegratefulforourselvesorourcircumstances.Weaddatouchoffaithbysaying,"I
knowthisisexactlythewayit'ssupposedtobeforthemoment"

Nomatterhowcomplicatedweget,thebasicsneverlosetheirpowertorestoreustosanity.

Today,God,helpmepracticetheconceptofacceptanceinmylife.Helpmeacceptmyself,others,andmycircumstances.Takemeonestepfurther,and
helpmefeelgrateful.

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Recoveryisnotaboutbeingrightit'saboutallowingourselvestobewhoweareandacceptingothersastheyare.

Thatconceptcanbedifficultformanyofusifwehavelivedinsystemsthatfunctionedonthe"rightwrong"justicescale.Thepersonwhowasrightwasokaythe
personwhowaswrongwasshamed.Allvalueandworthmayhavedependedonbeingrighttobewrongmeantannihilationofselfandselfesteem.

Inrecovery,wearelearninghowtostriveforloveinourrelationships,notsuperiority.Yes,wemayneedtomakedecisionsaboutpeople'sbehaviorfromtimeto
time.Ifsomeoneishurtingus,weneedtostandupforourselves.Wehavearesponsibilitytosetboundariesandtakecareofourselves.Butwedonotneedtojustify
takingcareofourselvesbycondemningsomeoneelse.Wecanavoidthetrapoffocusingonothersinsteadofourselves.

Inrecovery,wearelearningthatwhatwedoneedstoberightonlyforus.Whatothersdoistheirbusinessandneedstoberightonlyforthem.It'stemptingtorestin
thesuperiorityofbeingrightandinanalyzingotherpeople'smotivesandactions,butit'smorerewardingtolookdeeper.

Today,IwillrememberthatIdon'thavetohidebehindbeingright.Idon'thavetojustifywhatIwantandneedwithsayingsomethingis"right"or
"wrong."IcanletmyselfbewhoIam.

February19
OurPath
Ijustspentseveralhourswithsomeonefrommygroup,andIfeellikeI'mlosingmymind.ThiswomaninsistedthattheonlywayIwouldmakeprogressinmyprogramwastogoto
herchurchandsuccumbtoherreligiousrules.She

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pushedandinsisted,andinsistedandpushed.She'sbeenintheprogramsomuchlongerthanIhave.Ikeptthinkingthatshemustknowwhatshe'stalkingabout.Butitdidn'tfeel
right.AndnowIfeelcrazy,afraid,guilty,andashamed.
Anonymous

ThespiritualpathandgrowthpromisedtousbytheTwelveStepsdoesnotdependonanyreligiousbelief.Theyarenotcontingentuponanydenominationorsect.
Theyarenot,asthetraditionsofTwelveStepprogramsstate,affiliatedwithanyreligiousdenominationororganization.

Wedonothavetoallowanyonetobadgerusaboutreligioninrecovery.Wedonothavetoallowpeopletomakeusfeelashamed,afraid,orlessthanbecausewe
donotsubscribetotheirbeliefsaboutreligion.

WedonothavetoletthemdoittousinthenameofGod,love,orrecovery.

ThespiritualexperiencewewillfindasaresultofrecoveryandtheTwelveStepswillbeourownspiritualexperience.ItwillbearelationshipwithGod,aHigher
PowerasweunderstandGod.

Eachofusmustfindourownspiritualpath.EachofusmustbuildourownrelationshipwithGodasweunderstandGod.EachofusneedsaPowergreaterthan
ourselves.Theseconceptsarecriticaltorecovery.

Soisthefreedomtochoosehowtodothat.

HigherPower,helpmeknowthatIdon'thavetoallowanyonetoshameorbadgermeintoreligiousbeliefs.Iftheyconfusethatwiththespirituality
availableinrecovery,helpmegivetheirissuebacktothem.Helpmediscoveranddevelopmyownspirituality,apaththatworksforme.Guideme,with
DivineWisdom,asIgrowspiritually.

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February20
SettingOurOwnCourse

Wearepowerlessoverotherpeople'sexpectationsofus.Wecannotcontrolwhatotherswant,whattheyexpect,orwhattheywantustodoandbe.

Wecancontrolhowwerespondtootherpeople'sexpectations.

Duringthecourseofanyday,peoplemaymakedemandsonourtime,talents,energy,money,andemotions.Wedonothavetosayyestoeveryrequest.Wedonot
havetofeelguiltyifwesayno.Andwedonothavetoallowthebarrageofdemandstocontrolthecourseofourlife.

Wedonothavetospendourlifereactingtoothersandtothecoursetheywouldpreferwetookwithourlife.

Wecansetboundaries,firmlimitsonhowfarweshallgowithothers.Wecantrustandlistentoourselves.Wecansetgoalsanddirectionforourlife.Wecanplace
valueonourselves.

Wecanownourpowerwithpeople.

Buysometime.Thinkaboutwhatyouwant.Considerhowrespondingtoanother'sneedswillaffectthecourseofyourlife.Weliveorownlifebynotlettingother
people,theirexpectations,andtheirdemandscontrolthecourseofourlife.Wecanletthemhavetheirdemandsandexpectationswecanallowthemtohavetheir
feelings.Wecanownourpowertochoosethepaththatisrightforus.

Today,God,helpmeownmypowerbydetaching,andpeacefullychoosingthecourseofactionthatisrightforme.HelpmeknowIcandetachfromthe
expectationsandwantsofothers.Helpmestoppleasingotherpeopleandstartpleasingmyself.

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February21
LivinginthePresent

Thepresentmomentisallwehave.Yes,wehaveplansandgoals,avisionfortomorrow.Butnowistheonlytimewepossess.Anditisenough.

Wecanclearourmindoftheresidueofyesterday.Wecanclearourmindoffearsoftomorrow.Wecanbepresent,now.Wecanmakeourselvesavailabletothis
moment,thisday.Itisbybeingfullypresentnowthatwereachthefullnessoftomorrow.

Havenofear,child,avoicewhispers.Havenoregrets.Relinquishyourresentments.LetMetakeyourpain.Allyouhaveisthepresentmoment.Bestill.Behere.
Trust.

Allyouhaveisnow.Itisenough.

Today,Iwillaffirmthatalliswellaroundme,whenalliswellwithin.

February22
SolvingProblems

IaskthatYoumighthelpmeworkthroughallmyproblems,toYourGloryandHonor.
AlcoholicsAnonymous

Manyofuslivedinsituationswhereitwasn'tokaytoidentify,have,ortalkaboutproblems.Denialbecameawayoflifeourwayofdealingwithproblems.

Inrecovery,manyofusstillfearproblems.Wemayspendmoretimereactingtoaproblemthanwedotosolvingit.Wemissthepointwemissthelessonwemiss
thegift.Problemsareapartoflife.Soaresolutions.

Aproblemdoesn'tmeanlifeisnegativeorhorrible.Havingaproblemdoesn'tmeanapersonisdeficient.Allpeoplehaveproblemstoworkthrough.

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Inrecovery,welearntofocusonsolvingourproblems.First,wemakecertaintheproblemisourproblem.Ifitisn't,ourproblemisestablishingboundaries.Thenwe
seekthebestsolution.Thismaymeansettingagoal,askingforhelp,gatheringmoreinformation,takinganaction,orlettinggo.

Recoverydoesnotmeanimmunityorexemptionfromproblemsrecoverymeanslearningtofaceandsolveproblems,knowingtheywillappearregularly.Wecan
trustourabilitytosolveproblems,andknowwe'renotdoingitalone.HavingproblemsdoesnotmeanourHigherPowerispickingonus.Someproblemsarepartof
lifeothersareourstosolve,andwellgrowinnecessarywaysintheprocess.

Faceandsolvetoday'sproblems.Don'tworryneedlesslyabouttomorrow'sproblems,becausewhentheyappear,wellhavetheresourcesnecessarytosolvethem.

FacingandsolvingproblemsworkingthroughproblemswithhelpfromaHigherPowermeanswe'relivingandgrowingandreapingbenefits.

God,helpmefaceandsolvemyproblemstoday.Helpmedomypartandlettherestgo.Icanlearntobeaproblemsolver.

February23
Strength

Wedon'talwayshavetobestrongtobestrong.Sometimes,ourstrengthisexpressedinbeingvulnerable.Sometimes,weneedtofallaparttoregroupandstayon
track.

Weallhavedayswhenwecannotpushanyharder,cannotholdbackselfdoubt,cannotstopfocusingonfear,cannotbestrong.

Therearedayswhenwecannotfocusonbeingresponsible.Occasionally,wedon'twanttogetoutofourpajamas.Sometimes,wecryinfrontofpeople.Weexpose
ourtiredness,irritability,oranger.

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Thosedaysareokay.Theyarejustokay.

Partoftakingcareofourselvesmeanswegiveourselvespermissionto"fallapart"whenweneedto.Wedonothavetobeperpetualtowersofstrength.Weare
strong.Wehaveproventhat.Ourstrengthwillcontinueifweallowourselvesthecouragetofeelscared,weak,andvulnerablewhenweneedtoexperiencethose
feelings.

Today,God,helpmetoknowthatitisokaytoallowmyselftobehuman.HelpmenottofeelguiltyorpunishmyselfwhenIneedto"fallapart."

February24
RecognizingFeelings

Experiencingfeelingscanbeachallengeifwe'vehadnopreviousexperienceorpermissiontodothat.Learningtoidentifywhatwe'refeelingisachallengewecan
meet,butwewillnotbecomeexpertsovernight.Nordowehavetodealwithourfeelingsperfectly.

Herearesomeideasthatmightbehelpfulasyoulearntorecognizeanddealwithfeelings.

Takeoutasheetofpaper.Onthetopofitwrite,"IfitwasokaytofeelwhateverI'mfeeling,andIwouldn'tbejudgedasbadorwrong,whatwouldIbefeeling?"
Thenwritewhatevercomestomind.Youcanalsousethefavoritestandbyofmanypeopleindiscoveringtheirfeelings:writingorjournaling.Youcankeepadiary,
writelettersyoudon'tintendtosend,orjustscribblethoughtsontoanotepad.

Watchandlistentoyourselfasanobjectivethirdpersonmight.Listentoyourtoneofvoiceandthewordsyouuse.Whatdoyouhear?Sadness,fear,anger,
happiness?

Whatisyourbodytellingyou?Isittenseandrigidwithanger?Runningwithfear?Heavywithsadnessandgrief?Dancingwithjoy?

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Talkingtopeopleinrecoveryhelpstoo.Goingtomeetingshelps.Oncewefeelsafe,manyofusfindthatweopenupnaturallyandwitheasetoourfeelings.

Weareonacontinualtreasurehuntinrecovery.Oneofthetreasureswe'reseekingistheemotionalpartofourselves.Wedon'thavetodoitperfectly.Weneedonly
behonest,open,andwillingtotry.Ouremotionsaretherewaitingtosharethemselveswithus.

Today,IwillwatchmyselfandlistentomyselfasIgothroughmyday.IwillnotjudgemyselfforwhatI'mfeelingIwillacceptmyself.

February25
AcceptingImperfection

"WhydoIdothistomyself?"askedawomanwhowantedtoloseweight."IwenttomysupportgroupfeelingsoguiltyandashamedbecauseIatehalfacookiethat
wasn'tonthediet.Ifoundoutthateveryonecheatsalittle,andsomepeoplecheatalot.IfeltsoashamedbeforeIcametothegroup,asthoughIweretheonlyone
notdoingmydietperfectly.NowIknowthatI'mdietingaswellasmost,andbetterthansome."

Whydowedothistoourselves?I'mnottalkingstrictlyaboutdietingI'mtalkingaboutlife.Whydowepunishourselvesbythinkingthatwe'reinferiorwhilebelieving
thatothersareperfectwhetherinrelationships,recovery,oraspecifictask?

Whetherwe'rejudgingourselvesorothers,it'stwosidesofthesamecoin:perfection.Neitherexpectationisvalid.

Itisfarmoreaccurateandbeneficialtotellourselvesthatwhoweareisokayandwhatwearedoingisgoodenough.Thatdoesn'tmeanwewon'tmakemistakesthat
needcorrectingdoesn'tmeanwewon'tgetofftrackfromtimetotimedoesn'tmeanwecan'timprove.Itmeanswithallour

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mistakesandwandering,we'rebasicallyoncourse.Encouragingandapprovingofourselvesishowwehelpourselvesstayontrack.

Today,Iwillloveandencouragemyself.IwilltellmyselfthatwhatI'mdoingisgoodenough,andI'llletmyselfenjoythatfeeling.

February26
TwelveStepPrograms
IwasfuriouswhenIfoundmyselfatmyfirstAlAnonmeeting.ItseemedsounfairthathehadtheproblemandIhadtogotoameeting.Butbythattime,Ihadnowhereleftinthe
worldtogowithmypain.Now,I'mgratefulforAlAnonandmycodependencyrecovery.AlAnonkeepsmeontrackrecoveryhasgivenmealife.
Anonymous

TherearemanyTwelveStepprogramsforcodependents:AlAnon,AdultChildrenofAlcoholics,CoDa,FamiliesAnonymous,NarAnon,andmore.Wehavemany
choicesaboutwhichkindofgroupisrightforusandwhichparticulargroupinthatcategorymeetsourneeds.TwelveStepgroupsforcodependentsarefree,
anonymous,andavailableinmostcommunities.Ifthereisnotonethatisrightforus,wecanstartone.

TwelveStepgroupsforcodependentsarenotabouthowwecanhelptheotherpersonthey'reabouthowwecanhelpourselvesgrowandchange.Theycanhelpus
acceptanddealwiththewayscodependencyhasaffectedus.Theycanhelpusgetontrackandstaythere.

ThereismagicinTwelveStepprograms.Thereishealingpowerinconnectingwithotherrecoveringpeople.WeaccessthishealingpowerbyworkingtheStepsand
byallowingthemtoworkonus.TheTwelveStepsareaformulaforhealing.

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Howlongdowehavetogotomeetings?Wegountilwe''gettheprogram.''Wegountiltheprogram"getsus."Thenwekeepongoingandgrowing.

Selectingagroupandthenattendingregularlyareimportantwayswecanbeginandcontinuetotakecareofourselves.Activelyparticipatinginourrecoveryprogram
byworkingtheStepsisanother.

IwillbeopentothehealingpoweravailabletomefromtheTwelveStepsandarecoveryprogram.

February27
PeoplePleasers

Haveyoueverbeenaroundpeoplepleasers?Theytendtobedispleasing.Beingaroundsomeonewhoisturnedinsideouttopleaseanotherisoftenirritatingand
anxietyproducing.

Peoplepleasingisabehaviorwemayhaveadaptedtosurviveinourfamily.Wemaynothavebeenabletogettheloveandattentionwedeserved.Wemaynothave
beengivenpermissiontopleaseourselves,totrustourselves,andtochooseacourseofactionthatdemonstratedselftrust.

Peoplepleasingcanbeovertorcovert.Wemayrunaroundfussingoverothers,chatteringamileaminutewhenwhatwearereallysayingis,"IhopeI'mpleasing
you."Or,wemaybemorecovert,quietlygoingthroughlifemakingimportantdecisionsbasedonpleasingothers.

Takingotherpeople'swantsandneedsintoconsiderationisanimportantpartofourrelationships.Wehaveresponsibilitiestofriendsandfamilyandemployers.We
haveastronginnerresponsibilitytobelovingandcaring.But,peoplepleasingbackfires.Notonlydoothersgetannoyedwithus,weoftengetannoyedwhenour
effortstopleasedonotworkasweplanned.Themostcomfortablepeopletobearound

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arethosewhoareconsiderateofothersbutultimatelypleasethemselves.

Helpme,God,workthroughmyfearsandbegintopleasemyself.

February28
LettingGoofDenial
Weareslowtobelievethatwhichifbelievedwouldhurtourfeelings.
Ovid

Mostofusinrecoveryhaveengagedindenialfromtimetotime.Someofusreliedonthistool.

Wemayhavedeniedeventsorfeelingsfromourpast.Wemayhavedeniedotherpeople'sproblemswemayhavedeniedourownproblems,feelings,thoughts,
wants,orneeds.

Wedeniedthetruth.

Denialmeanswedidn'tletourselvesfacereality,usuallybecausefacingthatparticularrealitywouldhurt.Itwouldbealossofsomething:trust,love,family,perhapsa
marriage,afriendship,oradream.Andithurtstolosesomething,orsomeone.

Denialisaprotectivedevice,ashockabsorberforthesoul.Itpreventsusfromacknowledgingrealityuntilwefeelpreparedtocopewiththatparticularreality.
Peoplecanshoutandscreamthetruthatus,butwewillnotseeorhearituntilweareready.

Wearesturdyyetfragilebeings.Sometimes,weneedtimetogetprepared,timetoreadyourselvestocope.Wedonotletgoofourneedtodenybybeating
ourselvesintoacceptanceweletgoofourneedtodenybyallowingourselvestobecomesafeandstrongenoughtocopewiththetruth.

Wewilldothis,whenthetimeisright.

Wedonotneedtopunishourselvesforhavingdeniedrealityweneedonlyloveourselvesintosafetyandstrength

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sothateachdaywearebetterequippedtofaceanddealwiththetruth.Wewillfaceanddealwithrealityonourowntimeschedule,whenweareready,andinour
HigherPower'stiming.Wedonothavetoacceptchastisementfromanyone,includingourselves,forthisschedule.

Wewillknowwhatweneedtoknow,whenit'stimetoknowit.

Today,Iwillconcentrateonmakingmyselffeelsafeandconfident.Iwillletmyselfhavemyawarenessesonmyowntimeschedule.

February29
YouAreLovable

Wegoback...andback...andback...throughthelayersoffear,shame,rage,hurt,andnegativeincantationsuntilwediscovertheexuberant,unencumbered,delightful,and
lovablechildthatwas,andstillis,inus.
BeyondCodependency

Youarelovable.Yes,you.

Justbecausepeoplehaven'tbeenthereforyou,justbecausecertainpeoplehaven'tbeenabletoshowloveforyouinwaysthatworked,justbecauserelationships
havefailedorgonesourdoesnotmeanthatyou'reunlovable.

You'vehadlessonstolearn.Sometimes,thoselessonshavehurt.

Letgoofthepain.Openyourhearttolove.

Youarelovable.

Youareloved.

Today,IwilltellmyselfI'mlovable.IwilldothisuntilIbelieveit.

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March

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March1
LettingGoofAnger

Inrecovery,weoftendiscussangerobjectively.Yes,wereason,it'sanemotionwe'reallpronetoexperience.Yes,thegoalinrecoveryistobefreeofresentment
andanger.Yes,it'sokaytofeelangry,weagree.Well,maybe....

Angerisapowerfulandsometimesfrighteningemotion.It'salsoabeneficialoneifit'snotallowedtohardenintoresentmentorusedasabatteringramtopunishor
abusepeople.

Angerisawarningsignal.Itpointstoproblems.Sometimes,itsignalsproblemsweneedtosolve.Sometimes,itpointstoboundariesweneedtoset.Sometimes,it's
thefinalburstofenergybeforelettinggo,oracceptance,settlesin.

And,sometimes,angerjustis.Itdoesn'thavetobejustified.Itusuallycan'tbeconfinedtoatidypackage.Anditneednotcauseustostifleourselvesorourenergy.

Wedon'thavetofeelguiltywheneverweexperienceanger.Wedon'thavetofeelguilty.

Breathedeeply.Wecanshamelesslyfeelallourfeelings,includinganger,andstilltakeresponsibilityforourbehaviors.

IwillfeelandreleaseanyangryfeelingsIhavetoday.Icandothatappropriatelyandsafely.

March2
FeelingsontheJob
I'mfuriousaboutmyjob.AnothermangotapromotionthatIbelieveIdeserve.I'msomadIfeellikequitting.NowmywifesaysIshoulddealwithmyfeelings.Whatgoodwillthat
do?Hestillgotthepromotion.
Anonymous

Ourfeelingsatworkareasimportantasourfeelingsinanyotherareaofourlife.Feelingsarefeelingsandwherever

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weincurthem,dealingwiththemiswhathelpsusmoveforwardandgrow.

Notacknowledgingourfeelingsiswhatkeepsusstuckandgivesusstomachaches,headaches,andheartburn.

Yes,itcanbeachallengetodealwithfeelingsonthejob.Sometimes,thingscanappearuseless.Oneofourfavoritetrickstoavoiddealingwithfeelingsistelling
ourselvesit'suseless.

Wewanttogivecarefulconsiderationtohowwedealwithourfeelingsonourjob.Itmaybeappropriatetotakeourintensefeelingstosomeonenotconnectedtoour
workplaceandsortthroughtheminasafeway.

Oncewe'veexperiencedtheintensityofthefeelings,wecanfigureoutwhatweneedtodototakecareofourselvesonthejob.

Sometimes,asinanyareaofourlife,feelingsaretobefeltandaccepted.Sometimes,theyarepointingtoaprobleminus,oraproblemweneedtoresolvewith
someoneelse.

Sometimes,ourfeelingsarehelpingtopointusinadirection.Sometimes,they'reconnectedtoamessage,orafear:I'llneverbesuccessful....I'llnevergetwhatI
want....I'mnotgoodenough....

Sometimes,thesolutionisaspiritualapproachorremedy.Remember,wheneverwebringaspiritualapproachtoanyareaofourlife,wegetthebenefit.

Wewon'tknowwhatthelessonisuntilwesummonthecouragetostandstillanddealwithourfeelings.

Today,Iwillconsidermyfeelingsatworkasimportantasmyfeelingsathomeoranywhereelse.Iwillfindanappropriatewaytodealwiththem.

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March3
AcceptingOurselves

Whiledrivingoneday,awoman'sattentionfocusedonthelicenseplateofthecarahead.Thelicenseread:"BWHOUR."HowcanI?shethought.Idon'tknowwho
Iam!

Someofusmayhavefeltconfusedwhenpeopleencouragedustobeourselves.Howcouldweknowourselves,orbewhoweare,when,foryears,manyofus
submergedourselvesintheneedsofothers?

Wedohaveaself.We'rediscoveringmoreaboutourselvesdaily.We'relearningwe'redeservingoflove.

We'relearningtoacceptourselves,asweareforthepresentmomenttoacceptourfeelings,thoughts,flaws,wants,needs,anddesires.Ifourthoughtsorfeelings
areconfused,weacceptthattoo.

Tobewhowearemeansweacceptourpastourhistoryexactlyasis.

Tobeourselvesmeansweareentitledtoouropinionsandbeliefsforthepresentmomentandsubjecttochange.Weacceptourlimitationsandourstrengths.

Tobewhowearemeansweacceptourphysicalselves,aswellasourmental,emotional,andspiritualselves,fornow.Beingwhoweareinrecoverymeanswetake
thatacceptanceonestepfurther.Wecanappreciateourselvesandourhistory.

Beingwhoweare,lovingandacceptingourselves,isnotalimitingattitude.Acceptingandlovingourselvesishowweenablegrowthandchange.

Today,IwillbewhoIam.IfI'mnotyetcertainwhoIam,IwillaffirmthatIhavearighttothatexcitingdiscovery.

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March4
HigherPowerasaSource
I'velearnedIcantakecareofmyself,andwhatIcan'tdo,Godwilldoforme.
AlAnonmember

God,aHigherPowerasweunderstandHim,isoursourceofguidanceandpositivechange.Thisdoesn'tmeanwe'renotresponsibleforourselves.Weare.Butwe
aren'tinthisalone.

Recoveryisnotadoityourselfproject.Wedon'thavetobecomeoverlyconcernedaboutchangingourselves.Wecandoourpart,relax,andtrustthatthechanges
wellexperiencewillberightforus.

Recoverymeanswedon'thavetolooktootherpeopleasoursourcetomeetourneeds.Theycanhelpus,buttheyarenotthesource.

Aswelearntotrusttherecoveryprocess,westarttounderstandthatarelationshipwithourHigherPowerisnosubstituteforrelationshipswithpeople.Wedon't
needtohidebehindreligiousbeliefsoruseourrelationshipwithaHigherPowerasanexcusetostoptakingresponsibilityforourselvesandtakingcareofourselvesin
relationships.ButwecantapintoandtrustaPowergreaterthanourselvesfortheenergy,wisdom,andguidancetodothat.

Today,IwilllooktomyHigherPowerasthesourceforallmyneeds,includingthechangesIwanttomakeinmyrecovery.

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March5
BeWhoYouAre

WhenImeetpeopleorgetinanewrelationship,Istartputtingalltheserepressiverestrictionsonmyself.Ican'thavemyfeelings.Can'thavemywantsandneeds.Can'thavemy
history.Can'tdothethingsIwant,feelthefeelingsI'mfeeling,orsaywhatIneedtosay.Iturnintothisrepressed,perfectionisticrobot,insteadofbeingwhoIam:Me.
Anonymous

Sometimes,ourinstinctivereactiontobeinginanewsituationis:Don'tbeyourself.

Whoelsecanwebe?Whoelsewouldyouwanttobe?Wedon'tneedtobeanyoneelse.

Thegreatestgiftwecanbringtoanyrelationshipwhereverwegoisbeingwhoweare.

Wemaythinkotherswon'tlikeus.Wemaybeafraidthatifwejustrelaxandbeourselves,theotherpersonwillgoawayorshameus.Wemayworryaboutwhatthe
otherpersonwillthink.

But,whenwerelaxandacceptourselves,peopleoftenfeelmuchbetterbeingaroundusthanwhenwearerigidandrepressed.We'refuntobearound.

Ifothersdon'tappreciateus,dowereallywanttobearoundthem?Doweneedtolettheopinionsofotherscontrolusandourbehavior?

Givingourselvespermissiontobewhowearecanhaveahealinginfluenceonourrelationships.Thetonerelaxes.Werelax.Theotherpersonrelaxes.Then
everybodyfeelsalittlelessshame,becausetheyhavelearnedthetruth.Whoweareisallwecanbe,allwe'remeanttobe,andit'senough.It'sfine.

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Ouropinionofourselvesistrulyallthatmatters.Andwecangiveourselvesalltheapprovalwewantandneed.

Today,IwillrelaxandbewhoIaminmyrelationships.Iwilldothisnotinademeaningorinappropriateway,butinawaythatshowsIacceptmyselfand
valuewhoIam.Helpme,God,letgoofmyfearsaboutbeingmyself.

March6
Peace

Anxietyisoftenourfirstreactiontoconflict,problems,orevenourownfears.Inthosemoments,detachingandgettingpeacefulmayseemdisloyalorapathetic.We
think:IfIreallycare,I'llworryifthisisreallyimportanttome,Imuststayupset.Weconvinceourselvesthatoutcomeswillbepositivelyaffectedbytheamountof
timewespendworrying.

Ourbestproblemsolvingresourceispeace.Solutionsariseeasilyandnaturallyoutofapeacefulstate.Often,fearandanxietyblocksolutions.Anxietygivespowerto
theproblem,notthesolution.Itdoesnothelptoharborturmoil.Itdoesnothelp.

Peaceisavailableifwechooseit.Inspiteofchaosandunsolvedproblemsaroundus,alliswell.Thingswillworkout.Wecansurroundourselveswiththeresources
oftheUniverse:water,earth,asunset,awalk,aprayer,afriend.Wecanrelaxandletourselvesfeelpeace.

Today,Iwillletgoofmyneedtostayinturmoil.Iwillcultivatepeaceandtrustthattimelysolutionsandgoodnesswillarisenaturallyandharmoniously
outofthewellspringofpeace.IwillconsciouslyletgoandletGod.

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March7
Fulfillment

''EverythingIneedshallbeprovidedtoday.Everything.''Sayit,untilyoubelieveit.Sayitatthebeginningoftheday.Sayitthroughouttheday.

Sometimes,ithelpstoknowwhatwewantandneed.Butifwedon't,wecantrustthatGoddoes.

Whenweask,trust,andbelievethatourneedswillbemet,ourneedswillbemet.SometimesGodcaresaboutthesilliestlittlethings,ifwedo.

Today,Iwillaffirmthatmyneedswillbemet.IwillaffirmthatGodcaresandistheSourceofmysupply.ThenIwillletgoandseethatwhatIhaverisked
tobelieveisthetruth.

March8
Surrender
MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodHim.
StepThreeofAlAnon

SurrenderingtoaPowergreaterthanourselvesishowwebecomeempowered.

Webecomeempoweredinanew,bettermoreeffectivewaythanwebelievedpossible.

Doorsopen.Windowsopen.Possibilitiesoccur.Ourenergybecomeschanneled,atlast,inareasandwaysthatworkforus.WebecomeintunewiththePlanforour
lifeandourplaceintheUniverse.

AndthereisaPlanandPlaceforus.Weshallseethat.Weshallknowthat.TheUniversewillopenupandmakeaspecialplaceforus,withallthatweneed
provided.

Itwillbegood.Understandthatitisgood,now.

Learningtoownourpowerwillcome,ifweareopentoit.Wedonotneedtostopatpowerlessnessandhelplessness.

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Thatisatemporaryplacewherewereevaluatewherewehavebeentryingtohavepowerwhenwehavenone.

Oncewesurrender,itistimetobecomeempowered.

Letthepowercome,naturally.Itisthere.Itisours.

Today,IwillbeopentounderstandingwhatitmeanstoownmypowerIwillacceptpowerlessnesswhereIhavenopowerIwillalsoacceptthepowerthat
isminetoreceive.

March9
TakingCareofOurselves

Wecannotsimultaneouslysetaboundaryandtakecareofanotherperson'sfeelings.It'simpossiblethetwoactscontradict.

Whatatremendousassettohavecompassionforothers!Howdifficultthatsamequalitycanmakeittosetboundaries!

It'sgoodtocareaboutotherpeopleandtheirfeelingsit'sessentialtocareaboutourselvestoo.Sometimes,totakegoodcareofourselves,weneedtomakea
choice.

Someofuslivewithadeeplyingrainedmessagefromourfamily,orfromchurch,aboutneverhurtingotherpeople'sfeelings.Wecanreplacethatmessagewithanew
one,onethatsaysit'snotokaytohurtourselves.Sometimes,whenwetakecareofourselves,otherswillreactwithhurtfeelings.

That'sokay.Wewilllearn,grow,andbenefitbytheexperiencetheywilltoo.Themostpowerfulandpositiveimpactwecanhaveonotherpeopleisaccomplishedby
takingresponsibilityforourselves,andallowingotherstoberesponsibleforthemselves.

Caringworks.Caretakingdoesn't.Wecanlearntowalkthelinebetweenthetwo.

Today,IwillsetthelimitsIneedtoset.Iwillletgoofmyneedtotakecareofotherpeople'sfeelingsandinsteadtakecareofmy

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own.Iwillgivemyselfpermissiontotakecareofmyself,knowingit'sthebestthingIcandoformyselfandothers.

March10
LivingwithFamilies
IwasfortysixyearsoldbeforeIfinallyadmittedtomyselfandsomeoneelsethatmygrandfatheralwaysmanagedtomakemefeelguilty,angry,andcontrolled.
Anonymous

Wemayloveandcareaboutourfamilyverymuch.Familymembersmayloveandcareaboutus.Butinteractingwithsomemembersmaybearealtriggertoour
codependencysometimestoadeepabyssofshame,rage,anger,guilt,andhelplessness.

Itcanbedifficulttoachievedetachment,onanemotionallevel,withcertainfamilymembers.Itcanbedifficulttoseparatetheirissuesfromours.Itcanbedifficultto
ownourpower.

Difficult,butnotimpossible.

Thefirststepisawarenessandacceptancesimpleacknowledgment,withoutguilt,ofourfeelingsandthoughts.Wedonothavetoblameourfamilymembers.We
donothavetoblameorshameourselves.Acceptanceisthegoalacceptanceandfreedomtochoosewhatwewantandneedtodototakecareofourselveswith
thatperson.Wecanbecomefreeofthepatternsofthepast.Wearerecovering.Progressisthegoal.

Today,HigherPower,helpmebepatientwithmyselfasIlearnhowtoapplyrecoverybehaviorswithfamilymembers.Helpmestrivetodayforawareness
andacceptance.

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March11
LettingGoofConfusion

Sometimes,thewayisnotclear.

Ourmindsgetclouded,confused.Wearen'tcertainwhatournextstepshouldbe,whatitwilllooklike,whatdirectionweareheaded.

Thatisthetimetostop,askforguidance,andrest.Thatisthetimetoletgooffear.Wait.Feeltheconfusionandchaos,thenletitgo.Thepathwillshowitself.The
nextstepshallberevealed.Wedon'thavetoknownow.Wewillknowintime.Trustthat.Letgoandtrust.

Today,Iwillwaitifthewayisnotclear.Iwilltrustthatoutofthechaoswillcomeclarity.

March12
Timing
Ifwecoulduntanglethemysteriesoflifeandunraveltheenergieswhichrunthroughtheworldifwecouldevaluatecorrectlythesignificanceofpassingeventsifwecould
measurethestruggles,dilemmas,andaspirationsofmankind,wecouldfindthatnothingisbornoutoftime.Everythingcomesatitsappointedmoment.
JosephR.Sizoo

Timingcanbefrustrating.Wecanwaitandwaitforsomethingtohappen,anditseemstobeforeveruntilitcomestopass.Or,suddenly,aneventorcircumstanceis
thrustuponus,catchingusbysurprise.Believingthatthingshappentooslowlyortooquicklyisanillusion.Timingisperfect.

Today,IwilltrustandworkwithDivineOrder.Iwillacceptthetiminginmylifetodayandinmypastasbeingperfect.

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March13
ClarityandDirection

InspiteofourbesteffortstoworkourprogramsandleanonGod'sguidance,wesometimesdon'tunderstandwhat'sgoingoninourlife.Wetrust,wait,pray,listento
people,listentoourselves,andtheanswerstilldoesnotcome.

Duringthosetimes,weneedtounderstandthatwearerightwhereweneedtobe,eventhoughthatplacemayfeelawkwardanduncomfortable.Ourlifedoeshave
purposeanddirection.

Wearebeingchanged,healed,andtransformedatlevelsdeeperthanwecanimagine.Goodthings,beyondourcapacitytoimagine,arebeingpreparedandbrought
tous.Wearebeingledandguided.

Wecanbecomepeaceful.Wedonothavetoactinhasteorurgencyjusttorelieveourdiscomfort,justtogetananswer.Wecanwaituntilourmindispeaceful.We
canwaitforcleardirection.Claritywillcome.

Theanswerwillcome,anditwillbegoodforusandthosearoundus.

Today,God,helpmeknowIambeingguidedintowhat'sgoodaboutlife,especiallywhenIfeelconfusedandwithoutdirection.Helpmetrustenoughto
waituntilmymindandvisionareclearandconsistent.Helpmeknowthatclaritywillcome.

March14
TrustingOurselves

Trustcanbeoneofthemostconfusingconceptsinrecovery.Whodowetrust?Forwhat?

Themostimportanttrustissuewefaceislearningtotrustourselves.Themostdetrimentalthingthat'shappenedtousisthatwecametobelievewecouldn'ttrust
ourselves.

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Therewillbesomewhotelluswecannottrustourselves,weareoffbaseandoutofwhack.Therearethosewhowouldbenefitbyourmistrustingourselves.

Fearanddoubtareourenemies.Panicisourenemy.Confusionisouropposition.

Selftrustisahealinggiftwecangiveourselves.Howdoweacquireit?Welearnit.Whatdowedoaboutourmistakes,aboutthosetimeswethoughtwecouldtrust
ourselvesbutwerewrong?Weacceptthem,andtrustourselvesanyway.

Weknowwhatisbestforus.Weknowwhatisrightforus.Ifwearewrong,ifweneedtochangeourmind,wewillbeguidedintothatbutonlybytrustingwhere
wearetoday.

Wecanlooktoothersforsupportandreinforcement,buttrustinourselvesisessential.

Donottrustfear.Donottrustpanic.Wecantrustourselves,standinourowntruth,standinourownlight.Wehaveitnow.Already.Wehaveallthelightweneed
fortoday.Andtomorrow'slightshallbegiventousthen.

Trustourselves,andwewillknowwhomtotrust.Trustourselves,andwewillknowwhattodo.Whenwefeelweabsolutelycannottrustourselves,trustthatGod
willguideusintotruth.

God,helpmeletgooffear,doubt,andconfusiontheenemiesofselftrust.Helpmegoforwardinpeaceandconfidence.Helpmegrowintrustformyself
andYou,onedayatatime,oneexperienceatatime.

March15
RemovingtheVictim

"Don'tothersseehowmuchI'mhurting?""Can'ttheyseeIneedhelp?""Don'ttheycare?"

Theissueisnotwhetherothersseeorcare.Theissueiswhetherweseeandcareaboutourselves.Often,whenwe

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arepointingafingeratothers,waitingforthemtohavecompassionforus,it'sbecausewehavenotfullyacceptedourpain.Wehavenotyetreachedthatpointof
caringaboutourselves.Wearehopingforanawarenessinanotherthatwehavenotyethad.

Itisourjobtohavecompassionforourselves.Whenwedo,wehavetakenthefirststeptowardremovingourselvesasvictims.Weareonthewaytoself
responsibility,selfcare,andchange.

Today,IwillnotwaitforotherstoseeandcareIwilltakeresponsibilityforbeingawareofmypainandproblems,andcaringaboutmyself.

March16
PositiveEnergy

It'ssoeasytolookaroundandnoticewhat'swrong.

Ittakespracticetoseewhat'sright.

Manyofushavelivedaroundnegativityforyears.We'vebecomeskilledatlabelingwhat'swrongwithotherpeople,ourlife,ourwork,ourday,ourrelationships,
ourselves,ourconduct,ourrecovery.

Wewanttoberealistic,andourgoalistoidentifyandacceptreality.However,thisisoftennotourintentwhenwepracticenegativity.Thepurposeofnegativityis
usuallyannihilation.

Negativethinkingempowerstheproblem.Ittakesusoutofharmony.Negativeenergysabotagesanddestroys.Ithasapowerfullifeofitsown.

Sodoespositiveenergy.Eachday,wecanaskwhat'sright,what'sgoodaboutotherpeople,ourlife,ourwork,ourday,ourrelationships,ourselves,ourconduct,
ourrecovery.

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Positiveenergyheals,conductslove,andtransforms.Choosepositiveenergy.

Today,Godhelpmeletgoofnegativity.Transformmybeliefsandthinking,atthecore,fromnegativetopositive.Putmeinharmonywiththegood.

March17
Empowering

Youcanthink.Youcanfeel.Youcansolveyourproblems.Youcantakecareofyourself.

Thosewordshaveoftenbenefitedmemorethanthemostprofoundandelaborateadvice.

Howeasyitistofallintothetrapofdoubtingourselvesandothers.

Whensomeonetellsusaboutaproblem,whatisourreaction?Dowebelieveweneedtosolveitfortheperson?Dowebelievethatthatperson'sfuturerestsonour
abilitytoadvisehimorher?That'sstandingonshakygroundnotthestuffofwhichrecoveryismade.

Whensomeoneisstrugglingthroughafeeling,oramorassoffeelings,whatisourreaction?Thatthepersonwillneversurvivethatexperience?Thatit'snotokayfor
someonetofeel?Thatheorshewillnevergetthroughthisintact?

Whenapersonisfacedwiththetaskofassumingresponsibilityfortheirlifeandbehaviors,whatisourresponse?Thatthepersoncan'tdothat?Imustdoitmyselfto
savehimorherfromdissipatingintoashes?Fromcrumbling?Fromfailing?

Whatisourreactiontoourselveswhenweencounteraproblem,afeeling,orwhenwefacetheprospectofassumingresponsibilityforourselves?

Dowebelieveinourselvesandothers?Dowegivepowertopeopleincludingourselvesandtheirabilities?Or

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dowegivethepowertotheproblem,thefeeling,ortheirresponsibility?

Wecanlearntocheckourselvesout.Wecanlearntothink,andconsiderourresponse,beforewerespond."I'msorryyou'rehavingthatproblem.Iknowyoucan
figureoutasolution.Soundslikeyou'vegotsomefeelingsgoingon.Iknowyou'llworkthroughthemandcomeoutontheotherside."

Eachofusisresponsibleforourselves.Thatdoesnotmeanwedon'tcare.Itdoesnotmeanacold,calculatedwithdrawalofoursupportfromothers.Itmeanswe
learntoloveandsupportpeopleinwaysthatwork.Itmeanswelearntoloveandsupportourselvesinwaysthatwork.Itmeansthatweconnectwithfriendswho
loveandsupportusinwaysthatwork.

Tobelieveinpeople,tobelieveineachperson'sinherentabilitytothink,feel,solveproblems,andtakecareofthemselvesisagreatgiftwecangiveandreceivefrom
others.

Today,Iwillstrivetogiveandreceivesupportthatispureandempowering.Iwillworkatbelievinginmyselfandothersandourmutualabilitiestobe
competentatdealingwithfeelings,solvingproblems,andtakingresponsibilityforourselves.

March18
Safety

Oneofthelongtermeffectsoflivinginadysfunctionalfamilyaschildrenoradultsisthatwedon'tfeelsafe.

Muchofwhatwecallcodependencyhappensbecausewedon'tfeelsafeinrelationships.Thiscancauseustocontrol,obsess,orfocusontheotherperson,while
neglectingourselvesorshuttingdownourfeelings.

Wecanlearntomakeourselvesfeelsafeandcomfortable,aspartofanurturing,lovingattitudetowardourselves.

Often,wegetafeelingofsafetyandcomfortwhenweattendTwelveStepmeetingsorsupportgroups.Beingwith

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afriendordoingsomethingniceforourselveshelpsusfeelprotectedandloved.Sometimes,reachingouttoanotherpersonhelpsusfeelsafe.Prayerandmeditation
helpusaffirmthatourHigherPowercaresforus.

Wearesafenow.Wecanrelax.Perhapsothershaven'tbeenthereforusinaconsistent,trustworthyway,butwearelearningtobethereforourselves.

Today,Iwillconcentrateonmakingmyselffeelsafeandcomfortable.

March19
StayingOutoftheMiddle

"Idon'twanttogetinthemiddle,but..."isasignthatwemayhavejuststeppedintothemiddle.

Wedonothavetogetcaughtinthemiddleofotherpeople'sissues,problems,orcommunication.Wecanletotherstakeresponsibilityforthemselvesintheir
relationships.Wecanletthemworkouttheirissueswitheachother.

Beingapeacemakerdoesnotmeanwegetinthemiddle.Wearebearersofpeacebystayingpeacefulourselvesandnotharboringturmoil.Wearepeacemakersby
notcausingtheextrachaoscreatedwhenwegetinthemiddleofotherpeople'saffairsandrelationships.

Don'tgetinthemiddleunlessyouwanttobethere.

Today,Iwillrefusetoacceptanyinvitationstojumpinthemiddleofothers'affairs,issues,andrelationships.Iwilltrustotherstoworkouttheirown
affairs,includingtheideasandfeelingstheywanttocommunicatetoeachother.

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March20
Releasing

Letfearsslipaway.

Releaseanynegative,limiting,orselfdefeatingbeliefsburiedinyoursubconscioustoo.Thesebeliefsmaybeaboutlife,love,oryourself.Beliefscreatereality.

Letgo.Fromasdeepwithinasyourfears,resentments,andnegativebeliefsarestored,letthemallgo.Letthebelieforfeelingsurface.Acceptitsurrendertoit.Feel
thediscomfortorunrest.Thenletitgo.Letnewbeliefsreplacetheold.Letpeaceandjoyandlovereplacefear.

Giveyourselfandyourbodypermissiontoletgooffears,resentments,andnegativebeliefs.Releasethatwhichisnolongeruseful.Trustthatyouarebeinghealedand
preparedforreceivingwhatisgood.

Today,God,helpmebecomewillingtoletgoofoldbeliefsandfeelingsthatmaybehurtingme.Gentlytakethemfrommeandreplacethemwithnew
beliefsandfeelings.Idodeservethebestlifeandlovehavetooffer.Helpmebelievethat.

March21
ConsideringCommitment

Payattentiontoyourcommitments.

Whilemanyofusfearcommitting,it'sgoodtoweighthecostofanycommitmentweareconsidering.Weneedtofeelconsistentlypositivethatit'sanappropriate
commitmentforus.

Manyofushaveahistoryofjumpingleapingheadfirstintocommitmentswithoutweighingthecostandthepossibleconsequencesofthatparticularcommitment.
Whenwegetin,wefindthatwedonotreallywanttocommit,andfeeltrapped.

Someofusmaybecomeafraidoflosingoutonaparticularopportunityifwedon'tcommit.Itistruethatwewill

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loseoutoncertainopportunitiesifweareunwillingtocommit.Westillneedtoweighthecommitment.Westillneedtobecomeclearaboutwhetherthatcommitment
seemsrightforus.Ifitisn't,weneedtobedirectandhonestwithothersandourselves.

Bepatient.Dosomesoulsearching.Waitforaclearanswer.Weneedtomakeourcommitmentsnotinurgencyorpanicbutinquietconfidencethatwhatweare
committingtoisrightforus.

Ifsomethingwithinsaysno,findthecouragetotrustthatvoice.

Thisisnotourlastchance.Itisnottheonlyopportunitywelleverhave.Don'tpanic.Wedon'thavetocommittowhatisn'trightforus,evenifwetrytotellourselves
itshouldberightforusandweshouldcommit.

Often,wecantrustourintuitivesensemorethanwecantrustourintellectaboutcommitments.

Intheexcitementofmakingacommitmentandbeginning,wemayoverlooktherealitiesofthemiddle.Thatiswhatweneedtoconsider.

Wedon'thavetocommitoutofurgency,impulsivity,orfear.Weareentitledtoask,Willthisbegoodforme?Weareentitledtoaskifthiscommitmentfeelsright.

Today,God,guidemeinmakingmycommitments.Helpmesayyestowhatisinmyhighestgood,andnotowhatisn't.Iwillgiveseriousconsideration
beforeIcommitmyselftoanyactivityorperson.IwilltakethetimetoconsiderifthecommitmentisreallywhatIwant.

March22
LettingGoofBeingaVictim

It'sokaytohaveagoodday.Really.

It'sokaytobedoingokayandtofeellikeourlifeismanageableandontrack.

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Manyofushavelearned,aspartofoursurvivalbehaviors,thatthewaytogettheattentionandapprovalwewantistobevictims.Iflifeisawful,toodifficult,
unmanageable,toohard,unfair,thenotherswillaccept,like,andapproveofus,wethink.

Wemayhavelearnedthisfromlivingandassociatingwithpeoplewhoalsolearnedtosurvivebybeingavictim.

Wearenotvictims.Wedonotneedtobevictimized.Wedonotneedtobehelplessandoutofcontroltogettheattentionandlovewedesire.Infact,thekindof
loveweareseekingcannotbeobtainedthatway.

Wecangetthelovewereallywantandneedbyonlyowningourpower.Welearnthatwecanstandonourowntwofeet,eventhoughitsometimesfeelsgoodtolean
alittle.Welearnthatthepeopleweareleaningonarenotholdingusup.Theyarestandingnexttous.

Weallhavebaddaysdayswhenthingsarenotgoingthewaywe'dlike,dayswhenwehavefeelingsofsadnessandfear.Butwecandealwithourbaddaysand
darkerfeelingsinwaysthatreflectselfresponsibilityratherthanvictimization.

It'sokaytohaveagooddaytoo.Wemightnothaveasmuchtotalkabout,butwellhavemoretoenjoy.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobeavictim.HelpmeletgoofmybeliefthattobelovedandgetattentionIneedtobeavictim.Surroundmewithpeople
wholovemewhenIownmypower.Helpmestarthavinggooddaysandenjoyingthem.

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March23
FlackfromSettingBoundaries
Weneedtoknowhowfarwe'llgo,andhowfarwe'llallowotherstogowithus.Onceweunderstandthis,wecangoanywhere.
BeyondCodependency

Whenweownourpowertotakecareofourselvessetaboundary,sayno,changeanoldpatternwemaygetflackfromsomepeople.That'sokay.Wedon't
havetolettheirreactionscontrolus,stopus,orinfluenceourdecisiontotakecareofourselves.

Wedon'thavetocontroltheirreactionstoourprocessofselfcare.Thatisnotourresponsibility.Wedon'thavetoexpectthemnottoreacteither.

Peoplewillreactwhenwedothingsdifferentlyortakeassertiveactiontonurtureourselves,particularlyifourdecisioninsomewayaffectsthem.Letthemhavetheir
feelings.Letthemhavetheirreactions.Butcontinueonyourcourseanyway.

Ifpeopleareusedtousbehavinginacertainway,they'llattempttoconvinceustostaythatwaytoavoidchangingthesystem.Ifpeopleareusedtoussayingyesall
thetime,theymaystartmumblingandmurmuringwhenwesayno.Ifpeopleareusedtoustakingcareoftheirresponsibilities,feelings,andproblems,theymaygive
ussomeflackwhenwestop.That'snormal.Wecanlearntolivewithalittleflackinthenameofhealthyselfcare.Notabuse,mindyou.Flack.

Ifpeopleareusedtocontrollingusthroughguilt,bullying,andbadgering,theymayintensifytheireffortswhenwechangeandrefusetobecontrolled.That'sokay.
That'sflacktoo.

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Wedon'thavetoletflackpullusbackintooldwaysifwe'vedecidedwewantandneedtochange.Wedon'thavetoreacttoflackorgiveitmuchattention.It
doesn'tdeserveit.Itwilldiedown.

Today,IwilldisregardanyflackIreceiveforchangingmybehaviorsormakingothereffortstobemyself.

March24
AppreciatingOurselves

Wearethegreatestthingthatwilleverhappentous.Believeit.Itmakeslifemucheasier.
CodependentNoMore

Itistimetostopthisnonsenseofrunningaroundpickingonourselves.

Wemayhavewalkedthroughmuchofourlifeapologizingforourselveseitherdirectlyorindirectlyfeelinglessvaluablethanothers,believingthattheyknowbetter
thanwedo,andbelievingthatsomehowothersaremeanttobehereandwearenot.

Wehavearighttobehere.

Wehavearighttobeourselves.

Wearehere.Thereisapurpose,areason,andanintentionforourlife.Wedonothavetoapologizeforbeinghereorbeingwhoweare.

Wearegoodenough,anddeserving.

Othersdonothaveourmagic.Wehaveourmagic.Itisinus.

Itdoesn'tmatterwhatwe'vedoneinourpast.Weallhaveapast,wovenwithmistakes,successes,andlearningexperiences.Wehavearighttoourpast.Itisours.It
hasworkedtoshapeandformus.Asweprogressonthisjourney,weshallseehoweachofourexperienceswillbeturnedaroundandusedforgood.

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Wehavealreadyspenttoomuchtimebeingashamed,beingapologetic,anddoubtingthebeautyofourselves.Bedonewithit.Letitgo.Itisanunnecessaryburden.
Othershaverights,butsodowe.Weareneitherlessthannormorethan.Weareequal.Wearewhoweare.Thatiswhowewerecreatedandintendedtobe.

That,myfriend,isawonderfulgift.

God,helpmeownmypowertoloveandappreciatemyself.Helpmegivemyselfvalidityinsteadoflookingtootherstodothat.

March25
LettingGoofWorry

Whatifweknewforcertainthateverythingwe'reworriedabouttodaywillworkoutfine?

Whatif...wehadaguaranteethattheproblembotheringuswouldbeworkedoutinthemostperfectway,andatthebestpossibletime?Furthermore,whatifwe
knewthatthreeyearsfromnowwe'dbegratefulforthatproblem,anditssolution?

Whatif...weknewthatevenourworstfearwouldworkoutforthebest?

Whatif...wehadaguaranteethateverythingthat'shappening,andhashappened,inourlifewasmeanttobe,plannedjustforus,andinourbestinterest?

Whatif...wehadaguaranteethatthepeopleweloveareexperiencingexactlywhattheyneedinordertobecomewhothey'reintendedtobecome?Further,whatif
wehadaguaranteethatotherscanberesponsibleforthemselves,andwedon'thavetocontrolortakeresponsibilityforthem?

Whatif...weknewthefuturewasgoingtobegood,andwewouldhaveanabundanceofresourcesandguidancetohandlewhatevercomesourway?

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Whatif...wekneweverythingwasokay,andwedidn'thavetoworryaboutathing?Whatwouldwedothen?

We'dbefreetoletgoandenjoylife.

Today,IwillknowthatIdon'thavetoworryaboutanything.IfIdoworry,IwilldoitwiththeunderstandingthatIamchoosingtoworry,anditisnot
necessary.

March26
Gifts,NotBurdens
Childrenaregifts,ifweacceptthem.
KathleenTurnerCrilly

Childrenaregifts.Ourchildren,ifwehavechildren,areagifttous.We,aschildren,weregiftstoourparents.

Sadly,manyofusdidnotreceivethemessagefromourparentsthatweweregiftstothemandtotheUniverse.Maybeourparentswereinpainthemselvesmaybe
ourparentswerelookingtoustobetheircaretakersmaybewecameatadifficulttimeintheirlivesmaybetheyhadtheirownissuesandsimplywerenotableto
enjoy,accept,andappreciateusforthegiftsweare.

Manyofushaveadeep,sometimessubconscious,beliefthatwewere,andare,aburdentotheworldandthepeoplearoundus.Thisbeliefcanblockourabilityto
enjoylifeandourrelationshipswithothers.ThisbeliefcanevenimpairourrelationshipwithaHigherPower:wemayfeelweareaburdentoGod.

Ifwehavethatbelief,itistimetoletitgo.

Wearenotaburden.Weneverwere.Ifwereceivedthatmessagefromourparents,itistimetorecognizethatissueastheirstoresolve.

Wehavearighttotreatourselvesasagifttoourselves,toothers,andtotheUniverse.

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Wearehere,andwehavearighttobehere.

Today,Iwilltreatmyself,andanychildrenIhave,asthoughweareagift.IwillletgoofanybeliefsIhaveaboutbeingaburdentomyHigherPower,
myfriends,myfamily,andmyself.

March27
AfterBurn

''HowcouldIdoit?HowcouldIsayit?EventhoughImeantit,Istillfeelashamed,guilty,andafraid.''

Thisiscommonreactiontonew,excitingrecoverybehaviors.Anythingtodowithowningourpowerandtakingcareofourselvescantriggerfeelingsofshame,guilt,
andfear.

Wedonothavetoallowthesefeelingstocontrolus.They'reabacklash.They'reafterburn.Letthemburnout.

Whenwestartconfrontingandattackingfeelingsandmessages,wewillexperiencesomeafterburn.Theafterburniswhatweallowedtocontrolusallourlife
shameandguilt.

Manyofusgrewupwithshamebasedmessagesthatitwasn'tokaytotakecareofourselves,behonest,bedirect,andownourpowerwithpeople.Manyofusgrew
upwithmessagesthatitwasn'tokaytobewhowewereandresolveproblemsinrelationships.Manyofusgrewupwiththemessagethatwhatwewantandneed
isn'tokay.

Letitallburnoff.Wedon'thavetotakeafterburnsoseriously.Wedon'tlettheafterburnconvinceusthatwearewronganddon'thavearighttotakecareof
ourselvesandsetboundaries.

Dowereallyhavetherighttotakecareofourselves?Dowereallyhavetherighttosetboundaries?Dowereallyhavetherighttobedirectandsaywhatweneedto
say?

Youbetwedo.

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Today,IwillletanyafterburnwhichsetsinafterIpracticeanewrecoverybehavior,burnoff.Iwillnottakeitsoseriously.God,helpmeletgoofmy
shameandneedlessfearsaboutwhatwillhappentomeifIreallystartcaringforandlovingmyself.

March28
Balance

Seekbalance.

Balanceemotionswithreason.

Combinedetachmentwithdoingourpart.

Balancegivingwithreceiving.

Alternateworkwithplay,businesswithpersonalactivities.

Balancetendingtoourspiritualneedswithtendingtoourotherneeds.

Juggleresponsibilitiestootherswithresponsibilitiestoourselves.

Balancecaringaboutotherswithcaringaboutourselves.

Wheneverpossible,let'sbegoodtoothers,butbegoodtoourselvestoo.

Someofushavetomakeupforlosttime.

Today,Iwillstriveforbalance.

March29
GettingNeedsMet

Pictureyourselfwalkingthroughameadow.Thereisapathopeningbeforeyou.Asyouwalk,youfeelhungry.Looktoyourleft.There'safruittreeinfullbloom.Pick
whatyouneed.

Stepslater,younoticeyou'rethirsty.Onyourright,there'safreshwaterspring.

Whenyouaretired,arestingplaceemerges.Whenyouarelonely,afriendappearstowalkwithyou.Whenyougetlost,ateacherwithamapappears.

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Beforelong,younoticetheflow:needandsupplydesireandfulfillment.Maybe,youwonder,SomeonegavemetheneedbecauseSomeoneplannedtofulfillit.
MaybeIhadtofeeltheneed,soIwouldnoticeandacceptthegift.Maybeclosingmyeyestothedesireclosesmyarmstoitsfulfillment.

Demandandsupply,desireandfulfillmentacontinuouscycle,unlesswebreakit.Allthenecessarysupplieshavealreadybeenplannedandprovidedforthis
journey.

Today,everythingIneedshallbesuppliedtome.

March30
Experiment

Experiment.Trysomethingnew.Trysteppingout.

Wehavebeenheldbacktoolong.Wehaveheldourselvesbacktoolong.

Aschildren,manyofusweredeprivedoftherighttoexperiment.Manyofusaredeprivingourselvesoftherighttoexperimentandlearnasadults.

Nowisthetimetoexperiment.Itisanimportantpartofrecovery.Letyourselftrythings.Letyourselftrysomethingnew.Yes,youwillmakemistakes.Butfromthose
mistakes,youcanlearnwhatyourvaluesare.

Somethingswejustwon'tlike.That'sgood.Thenwellknowalittlemoreaboutwhoweareandwhatwedon'tlike.

Somethingswewilllike.Theywillworkwithourvalues.Theywillworkwithwhoweare,andwewilldiscoversomethingimportantandlifeenriching.

Thereisaquiettimeinrecovery,atimetostandstillandheal,atimetogiveourselvesacoolingofftime.Thisisatimeofintrospectionandhealing.Itisanimportant
time.Wedealwithourissues.

Therealsocomesatimewhenitisequallyimportanttoexperiment,tobeginto"testthewater."

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Recoverydoesnotequalabstentionfromlife.Recoverymeanslearningtoliveandlearningtolivefully.Recoverymeansexploration,investigation,experimentation.

Recoverymeansbeingdonewiththerigid,shamebasedrulesfromthepast,andformulatinghealthyvaluesbasedonselflove,loveforothers,andlivinginharmony
withthisworld.

Experiment.Trysomethingnew.Maybeyouwon'tlikeit.Maybeyoullmakeamistake.Butmaybeyouwilllikeit,andmaybeyou'lldiscoversomethingyoulove.

Today,Iwillgivemyselfpermissiontoexperimentinlife.Iwillstoprigidlyholdingmyselfback,andIwilljumpinwhenjumpinginfeelsright.God,help
meletgoofmyneedtodeprivemyselfofbeingalive.

March31
Finances

Takingfinancialresponsibilityforourselvesispartofrecovery.Someofusmayfindourselvesinhardfinancialtimesforavarietyofreasons.

Ourrecoveryconcepts,includingtheSteps,workonmoneyissuesandrestoringmanageabilitytothatareaofourlife.Makeappropriateamendsevenifthatmeans
tacklinga$5,000debtbysendingin$5amonth.

Startwhereyouare,withwhatyou'vegot.Aswithotherissues,acceptanceandgratitudeturnwhatwehaveintomore.

Moneyissuesarenotagoodplacetoactasif.Don'twritechecksuntilthemoneyisinthebank.Don'tspendmoneyuntilyou'vegotitinyourhand.

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Ifthereistoolittlemoneytosurvive,usetheappropriateresourcesavailablewithoutshame.

Setgoals.

Believeyoudeservethebest,financially.

BelieveGodcaresaboutyourfinances.

Letgoofyourfear,andtrust.

Today,Iwillfocusontakingresponsibilityformypresentfinancialcircumstances,nomatterhowoverwhelmingthatareaofmylifemayfeelandbe.

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April

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April1
GoingEasy

Goeasy.Youmayhavetopushforward,butyoudon'thavetopushsohard.Goingentleness,goinpeace.

Donotbeinsomuchofahurry.Atnoday,nohour,notimeareyourequiredtodomorethanyoucandoinpeace.

Franticbehaviorsandurgencyarenotthefoundationforournewwayoflife.

Donotbeintoomuchofahurrytobegin.Begin,butdonotforcethebeginningifitisnottime.Beginningswillarrivesoonenough.

Enjoyandrelishmiddles,theheartofthematter.

Donotbeintoomuchofahurrytofinish.Youmaybealmostdone,butenjoythefinalmoments.Giveyourselffullytothosemomentssothatyoumaygiveandgetall
thereis.

Letthepaceflownaturally.Moveforward.Start.Keepmovingforward.Doitgently,though.Doitinpeace.Cherisheachmoment.

Today,God,helpmefocusonapeacefulpaceratherthanaharriedone.Iwillkeepmovingforwardgently,notfrantically.Helpmeletgoofmyneedtobe
anxious,upset,andharried.Helpmereplaceitwithaneedtobeatpeaceandinharmony.

April2
FacingOurDarkerSide

Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.
StepFourofAlAnon

BythetimewegettotheFourthoftheTwelveSteps,wearereadytofaceourdarkerside,thesidethatpreventsusfromlovingourselvesandothers,fromletting
othersloveus,andfromenjoyinglife.ThepurposeofStepFourisnottomakeourselvesfeelworseourpurposeistobegintoremoveourblockstojoyandlove.

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Welookforfears,angerhurt,andshamefrompasteventsburiedfeelingsthatmaybeaffectingourlifetoday.Wesearchforsubconsciousbeliefsaboutourselves
andothersthatmaybeinterferingwiththequalityofourrelationships.Thesebeliefssay:I'mnotlovable....I'maburdentothosearoundme....Peoplecan'tbe
trusted....Ican'tbetrusted....Idon'tdeservetobehappyandsuccessful....Lifeisn'tworthliving.Welookatourbehaviorsandpatternswithaneye
towarddiscerningtheselfdefeatingones.Withloveandcompassionforourselves,wetrytounearthallourguiltearnedandunearnedandexposeittothelight.

Weperformthisexaminationwithoutfearofwhatweshallfind,becausethissoulsearchingcancleanseusandhelpusfeelbetteraboutourselvesthanweeverdreamt
possible.

God,helpmesearchouttheblocksandbarrierswithinmyself.BringwhatIneedtoknowintomyconsciousmind,soIcanbefreeofit.ShowmewhatI
needtoknowaboutmyself.

April3
Acceptance

Surrendertothemoment.Rideitoutandthrough,forallit'sworth.Throwyourselfintoit.

Stopresisting.

Somuchofouranguishiscreatedwhenweareinresistance.Somuchrelief,release,andchangearepossiblewhenweaccept,simplyaccept.

Wewasteourtime,expendourenergy,andmakethingsharderbyresisting,repressing,anddenying.Repressingourthoughtswillnotmakethemdisappear.
Repressingathoughtalreadyformedwillnotmakeusabetterperson.Thinkit.Letitcomeintoreality.Thenreleaseit.Athoughtisnotforever.Ifwedon'tlikeit,we
canthinkanotheroneorchangeit.Buttodothat,wemustacceptandreleasethefirstthought.

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Resistanceandrepressionwillnotchangeathing.Theywillputusatwarwithourthoughts.

Wemakelifeharderbyresistingandrepressingourfeelings.Nomatterhowdark,howuncomfortable,howunjustified,howsurprising,how"inappropriate"wemight
deemourfeelings,resistingandrepressingthemwillnotfreeusfromthem.Doingthatwillmakethemworse.Theywillswirlinsideus,tormentus,makeussick,make
ourbodyache,compelustodocompulsivethings,keepusawake,orputustosleep.

Inthefinalanalysis,allthatwe'rereallycalledontodoisacceptourfeelingsbyfeelingthem,andsaying,"Yes,thisiswhatIfeel."

Feelingsareforthepresentmoment.Themorequicklywecanacceptafeeling,themorequicklywewillmoveontothenext.

Resistingorrepressingthoughtsandfeelingsdoesnotchangeusorturnusintothepersonwewanttobeorthinkweshouldbe.Itputsusinresistancetoreality.It
makesusrepressed.Eventually,itmakesusdepressed.

Resistingeventsorcircumstancesinourlifedoesnotchangethings,nomatterhowundesirabletheeventsorcircumstancesmaybe.

Acceptanceturnsusintothepersonweareandwanttobe.Acceptanceempowerstheeventsandcircumstancestoturnaroundforthebetter.

Whatdowedoifwe'reinresistance,inatugofwarwithsomerealityinourlife?Acceptingourresistancecanhelpusgetthroughthattoo.

Acceptancedoesnotmeanwe'regivingourapproval.Itdoesnotmeansurrenderingtothewillandplansofanother.Itdoesnotmeancommitment.Itisnotforever.It
isforthepresentmoment.Acceptancedoesnotmakethingsharderitmakesthingseasier.Acceptancedoesnotmeanweacceptabuseormistreatmentitdoesnot
meanweforegoourselves,

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ourboundaries,hopes,dreams,desires,orwants.Itmeansweacceptwhatis,soweknowwhattodototakecareofourselvesandwhatboundariesweneedtoset.
Itmeansweacceptwhatisandwhoweareatthemoment,sowearefreetochangeandgrow.

Acceptanceandsurrendermoveusforwardonthisjourney.Forcedoesnotwork.

Acceptanceandsurrendertwoconceptsthathurtthemostbeforewedothem.

Today,Iwillpracticeacceptingmyselfandmypresentcircumstances.Iwillbegintowatchandtrustthemagicthatacceptancecanbringintomylifeand
recovery.

April4
NegotiatingConflicts
Recoveryisaboutmorethanwalkingaway.Sometimesitmeanslearningtostayanddeal.It'saboutbuildingandmaintainingrelationshipsthatwork.
BeyondCodependency

Problemsandconflictsarepartoflifeandrelationshipswithfriends,family,lovedones,andatwork.Problemsolvingandconflictnegotiationareskillswecan
acquireandimprovewithtime.

Notbeingwillingtotackleandsolveproblemsinrelationshipsleadstounresolvedfeelingsofangerandvictimization,terminatedrelationships,unresolvedproblems,
andpowerplaysthatintensifytheproblemandwastetimeandenergy.

Notbeingwillingtofaceandsolveproblemsmeanswemayrunintothatproblemagain.

Someproblemswithpeoplecannotbeworkedoutinmutuallysatisfactoryways.Sometimestheproblemisaboundaryissuewehave,andthereisnotroomto
negotiate.

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Inthatcase,weneedtoclearlyunderstandwhatwewantandneedandwhatourbottomlineis.

Someproblemswithpeople,though,canbeworkedout,workedthrough,andsatisfactorilynegotiated.Often,thereareworkableoptionsforsolvingproblemsthat
wewillnotevenseeuntilwebecomeopentotheconceptofworkingthroughproblemsinrelationships,ratherthanrunningfromtheproblems.

Tonegotiateproblems,wemustbewillingtoidentifytheproblem,letgoofblameandshame,andfocusonpossiblecreativesolutions.Tosuccessfullynegotiateand
solveproblemsinrelationships,wemusthaveasenseofourbottomlineandourboundaryissues,sowedon'twastetimetryingtonegotiatenonnegotiableissues.

Weneedtolearntoidentifywhatbothpeoplereallywantandneedandthedifferentpossibilitiesforworkingthatout.Wecanlearntobeflexiblewithoutbeingtoo
flexible.Committed,intimaterelationshipsmeantwopeoplearelearningtoworktogetherthroughtheirproblemsandconflictsinwaysthatworkinbothpeople'sbest
interest.

Today,IwillbeopentonegotiatingconflictsIhavewithpeople.Iwillstriveforbalancewithoutbeingtoosubmissiveortoodemanding.Iwillstrivefor
appropriateflexibilityinmyproblemsolvingefforts.

April5
DetachinginLove

Detachmentisakeytorecoveryfromcodependency.Itstrengthensourhealthyrelationshipstheonesthatwewanttogrowandflourish.Itbenefitsourdifficult
relationshipstheonesthatareteachingustocope.Ithelpsus!

Detachmentisnotsomethingwedoonce.It'sadailybehaviorinrecovery.Welearnitwhenwe'rebeginningourrecoveryfromcodependencyandadultchildren
issues.And

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wecontinuetopracticeitalongthewayaswegrowandchange,andasourrelationshipsgrowandchange.

Welearntoletgoofpeoplewelove,peoplewelike,andthosewedon'tparticularlycarefor.Weseparateourselves,andourprocess,fromothersandtheirprocess.

Werelinquishourtightholdandourneedtocontrolinourrelationships.Wetakeresponsibilityforourselvesweallowotherstodothesame.Wedetachwiththe
understandingthatlifeisunfoldingexactlyasitneedsto,forothersandourselves.Thewaylifeunfoldsisgood,evenwhenithurts.Andultimately,wecanbenefitfrom
eventhemostdifficultsituations.WedothiswiththeunderstandingthataPowergreaterthanourselvesisincharge,andalliswell.

Today,Iwillapplytheconceptofdetachment,tothebestofmyability,inmyrelationships.IfIcan'tletgocompletely,I'lltryto''hangonloose.''

April6
Patience

Howsickandtiredwemaybecomeofpeopletellingustobepatientortolearnpatience.Howfrustratingitcanbetowanttofinallyhavesomething,ortomove
forward,andthennothavethathappen.Howirritatingtohavesomeonetellustowaitwhileourneedshavenotbeenmetandwe'reinthemidstofanxiety,frustration,
andinaction.

Donotconfusethesuggestiontobepatientwiththeoldruleaboutnothavingfeelings.

Beingpatientdoesnotmeanwegothroughthesometimesgruelingprocessoflifeandrecoverywithouthavingfeelings!Feelthefrustration.Feeltheimpatience.Get
asangryasyouneedtoaboutnothavingyourneedsmet.Feelyourfear.

Controllingourfeelingswillnotcontroltheprocess!

Wefindpatiencebysurrenderingtoourfeelings.Patience

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cannotbeforced.Itisagift,onethatcloselyfollowsacceptanceandgratitude.Whenweworkthroughourfeelingstofullyacceptwhoweareandwhatwehave,we
willbereadytobeandhavemore.

Today,IwillletmyselfhavemyfeelingswhileIpracticepatience.

April7
ThoseOldTimeFeelings
Istillhavebaddays.Butthat'sokay.Iusedtohavebadyears.
Anonymous

Sometimes,theoldfeelingscreepbackin.Wemayfeelfearful,ashamed,andhopeless.Wemayfeelnotgoodenough,unlovable,victimized,helpless,andresentful
aboutitall.Thisiscodependency,aconditionsomedescribeas"soulsickness."

Manyofusfeltthiswaywhenwebeganrecovery.Sometimes,weslipbackintothesefeelingsafterwe'vebegunrecovery.Sometimesthere'sareason.Aneventmay
triggerthesereactions,suchasendingarelationship,stress,problemsonthejob,athome,orinfriendships.Timesofchangecantriggerthesereactions.Socan
physicalillness.

Sometimes,thesefeelingsreturnfornoreason.

Areturntotheoldfeelingsdoesn'tmeanwe'rebacktosquareoneinourrecovery.Theydonotmeanwe'vefailedatrecovery.Theydonotmeanwe'reinforalong,
painfulsessionoffeelingbadly.Theyjustarethere.

Thesolutionisthesame:practicingthebasics.Someofthebasicsarelovingandtrustingourself,detachment,dealingwithfeelings,givingandreceivingsupportinthe
recoverycommunity,usingouraffirmations,andhavingfun.

AnotherbasicisworkingtheSteps.Often,workingtheStepsishowwebecomeenabledandempoweredtopracticetheotherbasics,suchasdetachmentandself
love.

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Iftheoldfeelingscomeback,knowforcertainthereisawayoutthatwillwork.

Today,ifIfindmyselfinthedarkpitofcodependency,IwillworkaSteptohelpmyselfclimbout.

April8
SelfCare

Idon'tpreciselyknowwhatyouneedtodototakecareofyourself.ButIknowyoucanfigureitout.
BeyondCodependency

Restwhenyou'retired.

Takeadrinkofcoldwaterwhenyou'rethirsty.

Callafriendwhenyou'relonely.

AskGodtohelpwhenyoufeeloverwhelmed.

Manyofushavelearnedhowtodepriveandneglectourselves.Manyofushavelearnedtopushourselveshard,whentheproblemisthatwe'realreadypushedtoo
hard.

Manyofusareafraidtheworkwon'tgetdoneifwerestwhenwe'retired.Theworkwillgetdoneitwillbedonebetterthanworkthatemergesfromtirednessof
soulandspirit.Nurtured,nourishedpeople,wholovethemselvesandcareforthemselves,arethedelightoftheUniverse.

Theyarewelltimed,efficient,andDivinelyled.

Today,Iwillpracticelovingselfcare.

April9
Giving

Learningtobeahealthygivercanbeachallenge.Manyofusgotcaughtupincompulsivegivingcharitableactsmotivatedbyuncharitablefeelingsofguilt,shame,
obligation,pity,andmoralsuperiority.

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Wenowunderstandthatcaretakingandcompulsivegivingdon'twork.Theybackfire.

Caretakingkeepsusfeelingvictimized.

Manyofusgavetoomuch,thinkingweweredoingthingsrightthenwebecameconfusedbecauseourlifeandrelationshipsweren'tworking.Manyofusgaveso
muchforsolong,thinkingweweredoingGod'swilltheninrecovery,werefusedtogive,care,orloveforatime.

That'sokay.Perhapsweneededarest.Buthealthygivingispartofhealthyliving.Thegoalinrecoveryisbalancecaringthatismotivatedbyatruedesiretogive,with
anunderlyingattitudeofrespectforourselvesandothers.

Thegoalinrecoveryistochoosewhatwewanttogive,towhom,when,andhowmuch.Thegoalinrecoveryistogive,andnotfeelvictimizedbyourgiving.

Arewegivingbecausewewantto,becauseit'sourresponsibility?Orarewegivingbecausewefeelobligated,guilty,ashamed,orsuperior?Arewegivingbecause
wefeelafraidtosayno?

Arethewayswetrytoassistpeoplehelpful,ordotheypreventothersfromfacingtheirtrueresponsibilities?

Arewegivingsothatpeoplewilllikeusorfeelobligatedtous?Arewegivingtoprovewe'reworthy?Orarewegivingbecausewewanttogiveanditfeelsright?

Recoveryincludesacycleofgivingandreceiving.Itkeepshealthyenergyflowingamongus,ourHigherPower,andothers.Ittakestimetolearnhowtogivein
healthyways.Ittakestimetolearntoreceive.Bepatient.Balancewillcome.

God,pleaseguidemygivingandmymotivestoday.

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April10
UsingOtherstoStopOurPain

Ourhappinessisnotapresentsomeoneelseholdsinhisorherhands.Ourwellbeingisnotheldbyanothertobegivenorwithheldatwhim.Ifwereachoutandtry
toforcesomeonetogiveuswhatwebelieveheorsheholds,wewillbedisappointed.Wewilldiscoverthatitisanillusion.Thepersondidn'tholdit.Heorshenever
shall.Thatbeautifullywrappedboxwiththeribbononitthatwebelievedcontainedourhappinessthatsomeonewasholdingit'sanillusion!

Inthosemomentswhenwearetryingtoreachoutandforcesomeonetostopourpainandcreateourjoy,ifwecanfindthecouragetostopflailingaboutandinstead
standstillanddealwithourissues,wewillfindourhappiness.

Yes,itistruethatifsomeonestepsonourfoot,heorsheishurtingusandthereforeholdsthepowertostopourpainbyremovinghisorherfoot.Butthepainisstill
ours.Andsoistheresponsibilitytotellsomeonetostopsteppingonourfeet.

Healingwillcomewhenwe'reawareofhowweattempttouseotherstostopourpainandcreateourhappiness.Wewillhealfromthepast.Wewillreceiveinsights
thatcanchangethecourseofourrelationships.

Wewillseethat,allalong,ourhappinessandourwellbeinghavebeeninourhands.Wehaveheldthatbox.Thecontentsareoursfortheopening.

God,helpmerememberthatIholdthekeytomyownhappiness.Givemethecouragetostandstillanddealwithmyownfeelings.GivemetheinsightsI
needtoimprovemyrelationships.Helpmestopdoingthecodependentdanceandstartdoingthedanceofrecovery.

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April11
FinancialGoals

Takingresponsibilityforourfinancialaffairswillimproveourselfesteemandlessenanxiety.

Eachofus,today,hasapresentsetoffinancialcircumstances.Wehaveacertainamountofmoneyinhand,andmoneyduetous.Wehaveapileofbillsthatwe
owe.Wehavetaxestopay.Thoseareourpresentfinancialcircumstances.Nomatterwhatthedetailsare,acceptance,gratitude,andselfresponsibilitywilllessenthe
stress.

Eachofus,today,hasafinancialfuture.Therearefewfutureaspectsofourlifewecancontrol,butonepartwecanplaytoassistourfutureissettinggoals.

Wedon'thavetoobsessaboutourgoals.Wedon'thavetoconstantlywatchandmarkourprogresstowardthem.Butitisbeneficialtothinkaboutourgoalsand
writethemdown.Whatdowewanttohappeninourfinancialfuture?Whatfinancialproblemswouldweliketosolve?Whatbillswouldweliketoberidof?What
wouldweliketobeearningattheendofthisyear?Theendofnextyear?Fiveyearsfromnow?

ArewewillingtoworkforourgoalsandtrustourHigherPowertoguideus?

Paybillsontime.Contactcreditors.Makearrangements.Doyourbest,today,totakeresponsibilityforyourfinances.Setgoalsforthefuture.Then,letgoofmoney
andconcentrateonliving.Takingresponsibilityforourfinancialaffairsdoesnotmeanmakingmoneyourfocus.Takingresponsibilityforourfinancesenablesusto
takeourfocusoffmoney.Itfreesustodoourworkandlivethelifewewant.

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Wedeservetohavetheselfesteemandpeacethataccompaniesfinancialresponsibility.

Today,Iwilltakethetimenecessarytoberesponsibleformyselffinancially.Ifitistimetopaybillsortalktocreditors,Iwilldothat.Ifitistimetoset
goals,Iwilldothat.OnceIhavedonemypart,Iwilllettherestgo.

April12
LettingGoofFear

Pictureyourselfswimmingfloatingpeacefullydownagentlestream.Allyouneedtodoisbreathe,relax,andgowiththeflow.

Suddenly,youbecomeconsciousofyoursituation.Frightened,overwhelmedwith"whatif's?"yourbodytenses.Youbegintothrasharound,franticallylookingfor
somethingtograbonto.

Youpanicsohardyoustarttogounder.Thenyourememberyou'reworkingtoohardatthis.Youdon'tneedtopanic.Allyouneedtodoisbreathe,relax,andgo
withtheflow.Youwon'tdrown.

Panicisourgreatenemy.

Wedon'tneedtobecomedesperate.Ifoverwhelmingproblemsappearinourlife,weneedtostopstruggling.Wecantreadwaterforabit,untilourequilibrium
returns.Thenwecangobacktofloatingpeacefullydownthegentlestream.Itisourstream.Itisasafestream.Ourcoursehasbeencharted.Alliswell.

Today,Iwillrelax,breathe,andgowiththeflow.

April13
Enjoyment

OneoftheprohibitionsmanyofuslearnedinchildhoodistheunspokenruleDon'thavefunandenjoylife.Thisrule

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createsmartyrspeoplewhowillnotletthemselvesembracethepleasuresofdaytodayliving.

Manyofusassociatedsufferingwithsomesortofsainthood.Now,weassociateitwithcodependency.Wecangothroughthedaymakingourselvesfeelanxious,
guilty,miserable,anddeprived.Orwecanallowourselvestogothroughthatsamedayfeelinggood.Inrecovery,weeventuallylearnthechoiceisours.

Thereismuchtobeenjoyedeachday,anditisokaytofeelgood.Wecanletourselvesenjoyourtasks.Wecanlearntorelaxwithoutguilt.Wecanevenlearnto
havefun.

Workatlearningtohavefun.Applyyourselfwithdedicationtolearningenjoyment.Workashardatlearningtohavefunasyoudidatfeelingmiserable.

Ourworkwillpayoff.Funwillbecomefun.Lifewillbecomeworthliving.Andeachday,wellfindmanypleasurestobeenjoyed.

Today,IwillletmyselfenjoylifeasIgothroughmyday.

April14
Perfectionism

Recoveryfromcodependencyisanindividualprocessthatnecessitatesmakingmistakes,strugglingthroughproblems,andfacingtoughissues.

Expectingourselvestobeperfectslowsthisprocessitputsusinaguiltyandanxiousstate.Expectingotherstobeperfectisequallydestructiveitmakesothersfeel
ashamedandmayinterferewiththeirgrowth.

Peoplearehumanandvulnerable,andthatiswonderful.Wecanacceptandcherishthatidea.Expectingotherstobeperfectputsusinthatcodependentstateof
moralsuperiority.Expectingourselvestobeperfectmakesusfeelrigidandinferior.

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Wecanletgoofbothideas.

Wedonotneedtogototheotherextreme,toleratinganythingpeoplethrowourway.Wecanstillexpectappropriate,responsiblebehaviorfromourselves.Butmost
ofuscanaffordtoloosenupabit.Andwhenwestopexpectingotherstobeperfect,wemaydiscoverthatthey'redoingmuchbetterthanwethought.Whenwestop
expectingourselvestobeperfect,welldiscoverthebeautyinourselves.

Today,Iwillpracticetolerance,acceptance,andloveofothersastheyare,andmyselfasIam.Iwillstriveforthatbalancebetweenexpectingtoomuch
andexpectingtoolittlefromothersandmyself.

April15
Communication

Partofowningourpowerislearningtocommunicateclearly,directly,andassertively.Wedon'thavetobeataroundthebushinourconversationstocontrolthe
reactionsofothers.Guiltproducingcommentsonlyproduceguilt.Wedon'thavetofixortakecareofpeoplewithourwordswecan'texpectotherstotakecareof
uswithwordseither.Wecansettleforbeingheardandaccepted.Andwecanrespectfullylistentowhatothershavetosay.

Hintingatwhatweneeddoesn'twork.Otherscan'treadourmind,andthey'relikelytoresentourindirectness.Thebestwaytotakeresponsibilityforwhatwewant
istoaskforitdirectly.And,wecaninsistondirectnessfromothers.Ifweneedtosaynotoaparticularrequest,wecan.Ifsomeoneistryingtocontrolusthrougha
conversation,wecanrefusetoparticipate.

Acknowledgingfeelingssuchasdisappointmentorangerdirectly,insteadofmakingothersguessatourfeelingsorhavingourfeelingscomeoutinotherways,ispart
ofresponsiblecommunication.Ifwedon'tknowwhatwewanttosay,wecansaythattoo.

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Wecanaskforinformationandusewordstoforgeacloserconnection,butwedon'thavetotakepeoplearoundtheblockwithourconversations.Wedon'thaveto
listento,orparticipatein,nonsense.Wecansaywhatwewantandstopwhenwe'redone.

Today,Iwillcommunicateclearlyanddirectlyinmyconversationswithothers.Iwillstrivetoavoidmanipulative,indirect,orguiltproducingstatements.I
canbetactfulandgentlewheneverpossible.AndIcanbeassertiveifnecessary.

April16
LettingThingsHappen

Wedonothavetoworksohardatgainingourinsights.Yes,we'relearningthatpainfulanddisappointingthingshappen,oftenforareasonandahigherpurpose.Yes,
thesethingsoftenworkoutforgood.Butwedon'thavetospendsomuchtimeandenergyfiguringoutthepurposeandplanforeachdetailofourlife.That's
hypervigilence!

Sometimes,thecardoesn'tstart.Sometimes,thedishwasherbreaks.Sometimes,wecatchacold.Sometimes,werunoutofhotwater.Sometimes,wehaveabad
day.Whileithelpstoachieveacceptanceandgratitudefortheseirritatingannoyances,wedon'thavetoprocesseverythingandfigureoutifit'sintheschemeofthings.

Solvetheproblem.Getthecarrepaired.Fixthedishwasher.Nurseyourselfthroughthecold.Waittotaketheshoweruntilthere'shotwater.Nurtureyourselfthrough
yourbadday.Tendtoyourresponsibilities,anddon'ttakeeverythingsopersonally!

Ifweneedtorecognizeaparticularinsightorawareness,wewillbeguidedinthatdirection.Certainly,wewanttowatchforpatterns.Butoften,thebiginsightsand
thesignificantprocessinghappennaturally.

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Wedon'thavetoquestioneveryoccurrencetoseehowitfitsintothePlan.ThePlantheawareness,theinsight,thepotentialforpersonalgrowthwillrevealitself
tous.Perhapsthelessonistolearntosolveourproblemswithoutalwaysknowingtheirsignificance.Perhapsthelessonistotrustourselvestolive,andexperience,
life.

Today,Iwillletthingshappenwithoutworryingaboutthesignificanceofeachevent.Iwilltrustthatthiswillbringaboutmygrowthfasterthanrunning
aroundwithamicroscope.Iwilltrustmylessonstorevealthemselvesintheirowntime.

April17
TakingCareofOurselves

Weoftenrefertorecoveryfromcodependencyandadultchildissuesas''selfcare.''Selfcareisnot,assomemaythink,aspinoffofthe"megeneration."Itisn'tself
indulgence.Itisn'tselfishnessinthenegativeinterpretationofthatword.

We'relearningtotakecareofourselves,insteadofobsessivelyfocusingonanotherperson.We'relearningselfresponsibility,insteadoffeelingexcessivelyresponsible
forothers.Selfcarealsomeanstendingtoourtrueresponsibilitiestootherswedothisbetterwhenwe'renotfeelingoverlyresponsible.

Selfcaresometimesmeans,"mefirst,"butusually,"metoo."Itmeansweareresponsibleforourselvesandcanchoosetonolongerbevictims.

Selfcaremeanslearningtolovethepersonwe'reresponsiblefortakingcareofourselves.Wedonotdothistohibernateinacocoonofisolationandself
indulgencewedoitsowecanbetterloveothers,andlearntoletthemloveus.

Selfcareisn'tselfishit'sselfesteem.

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Today,God,helpmelovemyself.Helpmeletgooffeelingexcessivelyresponsibleforthosearoundme.ShowmewhatIneedtodototakecareofmyself
andbeappropriatelyresponsibletoothers.

April18
Freedom

Manyofuswereoppressedandvictimizedaschildren.Asadults,wemaycontinuetokeepourselvesoppressed.

Someofusdon'trecognizethatcaretakingandnotsettingboundarieswillleaveusfeelingvictimized.

Someofusdon'tunderstandthatthinkingofourselvesasvictimswillleaveusfeelingoppressed.

Someofusdon'tknowthatweholdthekeytoourownfreedom.Thatkeyishonoringourselves,andtakingcareofourselves.

Wecansaywhatwemean,andmeanwhatwesay.

Wecanstopwaitingforotherstogiveuswhatweneedandtakeresponsibilityforourselves.Whenwedo,thegatestofreedomwillswingwide.

Walkthrough.

Today,IwillunderstandthatIholdthekeytomyfreedom.Iwillstopparticipatinginmyoppressionandvictimization.Iwilltakeresponsibilityformyself,
andletothersdoastheymay.

April19
AcceptingChange

Thewindsofchangeblowthroughourlife,sometimesgently,sometimeslikeatropicalstorm.Yes,wehaverestingplacestimetoadjusttoanotherlevelofliving,
timetogetourbalance,timetoenjoytherewards.Wehavetimetocatchourbreath.

Butchangeisinevitable,anddesirable.

Sometimes,whenthewindsofchangebegintorustle,we'renotcertainthechangeisforthebetter.Wemaycall

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itstressoratemporarycondition,certainwellberestoredtonormal.Sometimes,weresist.Wetuckourheaddownandbuckthewind,hopingthatthingswillquickly
calmdown,getbacktothewaythingswere.Isitpossiblewe'rebeingpreparedforanew"normal"?

Changewillsweepthroughourlife,asneeded,totakeuswherewe'regoing.WecantrustthatourHigherPowerhasaplaninmind,evenwhenwedon'tknowwhere
thechangesareleading.

Wecantrustthatthechangetakingplaceisgood.Thewindswilltakeuswhereweneedtogo.

Today,helpme,God,toletgoofmyresistancetochange.Helpmebeopentotheprocess.HelpmebelievethattheplaceI'llbedroppedoffwillbebetter
thantheplacewhereIwaspickedup.Helpmesurrender,trust,andaccept,evenifIdon'tunderstand.

April20
Deadlines

Idon'tknowwhetherIwantinoroutofthisrelationship.I'vebeenstrugglingwithitformonthsnow.It'snotappropriatetoletithangindefinitely.Iwillgivemyselftwomonthsto
makeadecision.
Anonymous

I'vehadthisunsolvedproblemhangingovermyheadforsixmonthsnow.I'mconfused.I'mnotcertainwhattodo.I'mgoingtogivemyselfonemonthtocomeupwithasolution.
Anonymous

Sometimes,ithelpstosetadeadline.

Thiscanbetruewhenwefaceunsolvedproblems,arestrugglingwithatoughdecision,havebeensittingonthefenceforawhile,orhavebeenflounderingin
confusionaboutaparticularissueforatime.

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Thatdoesnotmeanadeadlineiswritteninstone.Itmeansthatweareestablishingatimeframetohelpourselvesnotfeelsohelplessandtohelpbringasolutioninto
focus.Settingdeadlinescanfreeourenergytosettheproblemorissueaside,toletgo,andallowtheUniverse,ourHigherPower,andourselvestobegintomove
towardasolution.

Wedon'talwaysneedtotellpeoplewe'vegotadeadline.Sometimes,it'sbettertobesilent,orelsetheymayfeelwearetryingtocontrolthemandmayrebelagainst
ourdeadline.Sometimes,itisappropriatetoshareourdeadlineswithothers.

Deadlinesareprimarilyatooltohelpourselves.Theyneedtobereasonableandappropriatetoeachindividualsituation.Usedproperly,deadlinescanbeabeneficial
tooltohelpusgetthroughdifficultproblemsandsituationswithoutfeelingtrappedandhelpless.Theycanhelpusletgoofworryingandobsessing,sowecanfocus
ourenergiesinmoreconstructivedirections.Settingadeadlinecanhelpmoveusoutofthatuncomfortablespotoffeelingvictimizedbyapersonoraproblemwe
can'tsolve.

Deadlinescanhelpusdetachandmoveforward.

Today,Iwillconsiderwhetheradeadlinemightbehelpfulinsomeareainmylife.IclaimDivineWisdomandGuidanceinsettingappropriatedeadlinesfor
anyproblemsorrelationshipissuesthatmaybelingering.

April21
Waiting

Wait.Ifthetimeisnotright,thewayisnotclear,theanswerordecisionnotconsistent,wait.

Wemayfeelasenseofurgency.Wemaywanttoresolvetheissuebydoingsomethinganythingnow,butthatactionisnotinourbestinterest.

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Livingwithconfusionorunsolvedproblemsisdifficult.Itiseasiertoresolvethings.Butmakingadecisiontoosoon,doingsomethingbeforeit'stime,meanswemay
havetogobackandredoit.

Ifthetimeisnotright,wait.Ifthewayisnotclear,donotplungeforward.Iftheanswerordecisionfeelsmuddy,wait.

Inthisnewwayoflife,thereisaGuidingForce.Wedonoteverhavetomovetoosoonormoveoutofharmony.Waitingisanactionapositive,forcefulaction.

Often,waitingisaGodguidedaction,onewithasmuchpowerasadecision,andmorepowerthananurgent,illtimeddecision.

Wedonothavetopressureourselvesbyinsistingthatwedoorknowsomethingbeforeit'stime.Whenitistime,wewillknow.Wewillmoveintothattimenaturally
andharmoniously.Wewillhavepeaceandconsistency.Wewillfeelempoweredinawaywedonotfeeltoday.

Dealwiththepanic,theurgency,thefeardonotletthemcontrolordictatedecisions.

Waitingisn'teasy.Itisn'tfun.Butwaitingisoftennecessarytogetwhatwewant.Itisnotdeadtimeitisnotdowntime.Theanswerwillcome.Thepowerwillcome.
Thetimewillcome.Anditwillberight.

Today,Iwillwait,ifwaitingistheactionIneedinordertotakecareofmyself.IwillknowthatIamtakingapositive,forcefulactionbywaitinguntilthe
timeisright.God,helpmeletgoofmyfear,urgency,andpanic.Helpmelearntheartofwaitinguntilthetimeisright.Helpmelearntiming.

April22
CopingwithStress

Inevitably,therearetimesofstressinourlives,nomatterhowlongwe'vebeeninrecovery.

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Sometimes,thestressisoutsideoraroundus.We'refeelingbalanced,butourcircumstancesarestressful.Sometimes,thestressiswithinwefeeloutofbalance.

Whenthestressisexternalandinternal,weexperienceourmostdifficulttimes.

Duringstressfultimes,wecanrelymoreheavilyonoursupportsystems.Ourfriendsandgroupscanhelpusfeelmorebalancedandpeacefulinspiteofourstressful
conditions.

Affirmingthattheeventstakingplaceareatemporarilyuncomfortablepartofagood,solidplancanhelp.Wecanassureourselvesthatwewillgetthrough.Wewon't
bedestroyed.Wewon'tcrumpleorgounder.

Ithelpstogobacktothebasicstofocusondetachment,dealingwithfeelings,andtakinglifeonedayatatime.

Ourmostimportantfocusduringtimesofstressistakingcareofourselves.Wearebetterabletocopewiththemostirregularcircumstances,wearebetterabletobe
thereforothers,ifwe'recaringforourselves.Wecanaskourselvesregularly:Whatdoweneedtodototakecareofourselves?Whatmighthelpusfeelbetteror
morecomfortable?

Selfcaremaynotcomeaseasilyduringtimesofstress.Selfneglectmayfeelmorecomfortable.Buttakingcareofourselvesalwaysworks.

Today,Iwillrememberthatthereisnosituationthatcan'tbebenefitedbytakingcareofmyself.

April23
OpeningOurselvestoLove

Allowingourselvestoreceiveloveisoneofthegreatestchallengeswefaceinrecovery.

Manyofushaveblockedourselvesfromreceivinglove.Wemayhavelivedwithpeoplewhousedlovetocontrolus.Theywouldbethereforus,butatthehighprice
ofour

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freedom.Lovewasgiven,orwithheld,tocontrolusandhavepoweroverus.Itwasnotsafeforustoreceivelovefromthesepeople.Wemayhavegotten
accustomedtonotreceivinglove,notacknowledgingourneedforlove,becausewelivedwithpeoplewhohadnoreallovetogive.

Atsomepointinrecovery,weacknowledgethatwe,too,wantandneedtobeloved.Wemayfeelawkwardwiththisneed.Wheredowegowithit?Whatdowe
do?Whocangiveuslove?Howcanwedeterminewhoissafeandwhoisn't?Howcanweletotherscareforuswithoutfeelingtrapped,abused,frightened,and
unabletocareforourselves?

Wewilllearn.Thestartingpointissurrendertoourdesiretobeloved,ourneedtobenurturedandloved.Wewillgrowconfidentinourabilitytotakecareof
ourselveswithpeople.Wewillfeelsafeenoughtoletpeoplecareforuswewillgrowtotrustourabilitytochoosepeoplewhoaresafeandwhocangiveuslove.

Wemayneedtogetangryfirstangrythatourneedshavenotbeenmet.Later,wecanbecomegratefultothosepeoplewhohaveshownuswhatwedon'twant,the
oneswhohaveassistedusintheprocessofbelievingwedeservelove,andtheoneswhocomeintoourlifetoloveus.

Weareopeninguplikeflowers.Sometimesithurtsasthepetalspushopen.Beglad.Ourheartisopeninguptothelovethatisandwillcontinuetobethereforus.

Surrendertothelovethatisthereforus,tothelovethatpeople,theUniverse,andourHigherPowersendourway.

Surrendertolove,withoutallowingpeopletocontrolusorkeepusfromcaringforourselves.Startbysurrenderingtoloveforyourself.

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Today,Iwillopenmyselftothelovethatishereforme.Iwillletmyselfreceivelovethatissafe,knowingIcantakecareofmyselfwithpeople.Iwillbe
gratefultoallthepeoplefrommypastwhohaveassistedmeinmyprocessofopeninguptolove.Iclaim,accept,andamgratefulforthelovethatis
comingtome.

April24
LessonsontheJob

Often,thespiritualandrecoverylessonswe'relearningatworkreflectthelessonswe'relearninginotherareasofourlife.

Often,thesystemswe'reattractedtoinourworkinglifearesimilartothesystemsinwhichwefindourselveslivingandloving.Thosearethesystemsthatreflectour
issuesandcanhelpuslearnourlessons.

Areweslowlylearningtotrustourselvesatwork?Howaboutathome?Areweslowlylearningtotakecareofourselvesatwork?Howaboutathome?Arewe
slowlylearningboundariesandselfesteem,overcomingfear,anddealingwithfeelings?

Ifwesearchbackoverourworkhistory,wewillprobablyseethatitisamirrorofourissues,ourgrowth.Itmostlikelyisnowtoo.

Fortoday,wecanbelievethatwearerightwhereweneedtobeathomeandatwork.

Today,Iwillacceptmypresentcircumstancesonthejob.IwillreflectonhowwhatIamlearninginmylifeappliestowhatI'mlearningatwork.IfIdon't
know,Iwillsurrendertotheexperienceuntilthatbecomesclear.God,helpmeaccepttheworkIhavebeengiventodotoday.Helpmebeopentoand
learnwhatIneedtobelearning.Helpmetrustthatitcanandwillbegood.

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April25
FindingOurOwnTruth

Wemusteachdiscoverourowntruth.

Itdoesnothelpusifthosewelovefindtheirtruth.Theycannotgiveittous.Itdoesnothelpifsomeoneweloveknowsaparticulartruthinourlife.Wemustdiscover
ourtruthforourselves.

Wemusteachdiscoverandstandinourownlight.

Weoftenneedtostruggle,fail,andbeconfusedandfrustrated.That'showwebreakthroughourstrugglethat'showwelearnwhatistrueandrightforourselves.

Wecanshareinformationwithothers.Otherscantelluswhatmaypredictablyhappenifwepursueaparticularcourse.Butitwillnotmeananythinguntilweintegrate
themessageanditbecomesourtruth,ourdiscovery,ourknowledge.

Thereisnoeasywaytobreakthroughandfindourtruth.

Butwecanandwill,ifwewantto.

Wemaywanttomakeiteasier.Wemaynervouslyruntofriends,askingthemtogiveustheirtruthormakeourdiscoveryeasier.Theycannot.Lightwillsheditselfin
itsowntime.

Eachofushasourownshareoftruth,waitingtorevealitselftous.Eachofushasourownshareofthelight,waitingforustostandinit,toclaimitasours.

Encouragementhelps.Supporthelps.Afirmbeliefthateachpersonhastruthavailableappropriatetoeachsituationiswhatwillhelp.

Eachexperience,eachfrustration,eachsituation,hasitsowntruthwaitingtoberevealed.Don'tgiveupuntilyoufinditforyourself.

Weshallbeguidedintotruth,ifweareseekingit.Wearenotalone.

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Today,Iwillsearchformyowntruth,andIwillallowotherstodothesame.Iwillplacevalueonmyvisionandthevisionofothers.Weareeachonthe
journey,makingourowndiscoveriestheonesthatarerightforustoday.

April26
ResistingNegativity

Somepeoplearecarriersofnegativity.Theyarestorehousesofpentupangerandvolatileemotions.Someremaintrappedinthevictimroleandactinwaysthat
furthertheirvictimization.Andothersarestillcaughtinthecycleofaddictiveorcompulsivepatterns.

Negativeenergycanhaveapowerfulpullonus,especiallyifwe'restrugglingtomaintainpositiveenergyandbalance.Itmayseemthatotherswhoexudenegative
energywouldliketopullusintothedarknesswiththem.Wedonothavetogo.Withoutjudgment,wecandecideit'sokaytowalkaway,okaytoprotectourselves.

Wecannotchangeotherpeople.Itdoesnothelpothersforustogetoffbalance.WedonotleadothersintotheLightbysteppingintothedarknesswiththem.

Today,God,helpmetoknowthatIdon'thavetoallowmyselftobepulledintonegativity,evenaroundthoseIlove.Helpmesetboundaries.Helpme
knowit'sokaytotakecareofmyself.

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April27
LettingGooftheNeedtoControl

Therewardsfromdetachmentaregreat:serenityadeepsenseofpeacetheabilitytogiveandreceiveloveinselfenhancing,energizingwaysandthefreedomtofindreal
solutionstoourproblems.
CodependentNoMore

Lettinggoofourneedtocontrolcansetusandothersfree.ItcansetourHigherPowerfreetosendthebesttous.

Ifweweren'ttryingtocontrolsomeoneorsomething,whatwouldwebedoingdifferently?

Whatwouldwedothatwe'renotlettingourselvesdonow?

Wherewouldwego?Whatwouldwesay?

Whatdecisionswouldwemake?

Whatwouldweaskfor?Whatboundarieswouldbeset?Whenwouldwesaynooryes?

Ifweweren'ttryingtocontrolwhetherapersonlikedusorhisorherreactiontous,whatwouldwedodifferently?Ifweweren'ttryingtocontrolthecourseofa
relationship,whatwouldwedodifferently?Ifweweren'ttryingtocontrolanotherperson'sbehavior,howwouldwethink,feel,speak,andbehavedifferentlythanwe
donow?

Whathaven'twebeenlettingourselvesdowhilehopingthatselfdenialwouldinfluenceaparticularsituationorperson?Aretheresomethingswe'vebeendoingthat
we'dstop?

Howwouldwetreatourselvesdifferently?

Wouldweletourselvesenjoylifemoreandfeelbetterrightnow?Wouldwestopfeelingsobad?Wouldwetreatourselvesbetter?

Ifweweren'ttryingtocontrol,whatwouldwedodifferently?Makealist,thendoit.

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Today,IwillaskmyselfwhatIwouldbedoingdifferentlyifIweren'ttryingtocontrol.WhenIheartheanswer,Iwilldoit.God,helpmeletgoofmyneed
tocontrol.Helpmesetmyselfandothersfree.

April28
AngeratFamilyMembers

Manyofushaveangertowardcertainmembersofourfamily.Someofushavemuchangerandrageangerthatseemstogoonyearafteryear.

Formanyofus,angerwastheonlywaytobreakanunhealthybondageorconnectionbetweenafamilymemberandourselves.Itwastheforcethatkeptusfrom
beingheldcaptivementally,emotionally,andsometimesspirituallybycertainfamilymembers.

Itisimportanttoallowourselvestofeeltoacceptourangertowardfamilymemberswithoutcastingguiltorshameonourselves.Itisalsoimportanttoexamineour
guiltyfeelingsconcerningfamilymembersasangerandguiltareoftenintertwined.

Wecanaccept,eventhank,ourangerforprotectingus.Butwecanalsosetanothergoal:takingourfreedom.

Oncewedo,wewillnotneedouranger.Oncewedo,wecanachieveforgiveness.

Thinklovingthoughts,thinkhealingthoughtstowardfamilymembers.Butletourselvesbeasangryasweneedtobe.

Atsomepoint,strivetobedonewiththeanger.Butweneedtobegentlewithourselvesifthefeelingssurfacefromtimetotime.

ThankGodforthefeelings.Feelthem.Releasethem.AskGodtoblessandcareforourfamilies.AskGodtohelpustakefreedomandtakecareofourselves.

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Letthegoldenlightofhealingshineuponallweloveanduponallwithwhomwefeelanger.Letthegoldenlightofhealingshineonus.

Trustthatahealingistakingplace,now.

HelpmeacceptthepotentemotionsImayfeeltowardfamilymembers.Helpmebegratefulforthelessontheyareteachingme.Iacceptthegoldenlightof
healingthatisnowshiningonmeandmyfamily.IthankGodthathealingdoesnotalwayscomeinaneat,tidypackage.

April29
InitiatingRelationships

Often,wecanlearnmuchaboutourselvesfromthepeopletowhomweareattracted.

Asweprogressthroughrecovery,welearnwecannolongerformrelationshipssolelyonthebasisofattraction.Welearntobepatient,toallowourselvestotakeinto
accountimportantfacts,andtoprocessinformationaboutthatperson.

Whatwearestrivingforinrecoveryisahealthyattractiontopeople.Weallowourselvestobeattractedtowhopeopleare,nottotheirpotentialortowhatwehope
theyare.

Themoreweworkthroughourfamilyoforiginissues,thelesswewillfindourselvesneedingtoworkthroughthemwiththepeoplewe'reattractedto.Finishingour
businessfromthepasthelpsusformnewandhealthierrelationships.

Themoreweovercomeourneedtobeexcessivecaretakers,thelesswewillfindourselvesattractedtopeoplewhoneedtobeconstantlytakencareof.

Themorewelearntoloveandrespectourselves,themorewewillbecomeattractedtopeoplewhowillloveandrespectusandwhowecansafelyloveandrespect.

Thisisaslowprocess.Weneedtobepatientwithourselves.Thetypeofpeoplewefindourselvesattractedtodoes

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notchangeovernight.Beingattractedtodysfunctionalpeoplecanlingerlongandwellintorecovery.Thatdoesnotmeanweneedtoallowittocontrolus.Thefactis,
wewillinitiateandmaintainrelationshipswithpeopleweneedtobewithuntilwelearnwhatitisweneedtolearnnomatterhowlongwe'vebeenrecovering.

Nomatterwhowefindourselvesrelatingto,andwhatwediscoverhappeningintherelationship,theissueisstillaboutus,andnotabouttheotherperson.Thatisthe
heart,thehope,andthepowerofrecovery.

Wecanlearntotakecareofourselvesduringtheprocessofinitiatingandformingrelationships.Wecanlearntogoslowly.Wecanlearntopayattention.Wecan
allowourselvestomakemistakes,evenwhenweknowbetter.

WecanstopblamingourrelationshipsonGod,andbegintotakeresponsibilityforthem.Wecanlearntoenjoythehealthyrelationships,andremoveourselvesmore
quicklyfromthedysfunctionalones.

Wecanlearntolookforwhat'sgoodforus,insteadofwhat'sgoodfortheotherperson.

God,helpmepayattentiontomybehaviorsduringtheprocessofinitiatingrelationships.HelpmetakeresponsibilityformyselfandlearnwhatIneedto
learn.IwilltrustthatthepeopleIwantandneedwillcomeintomylife.Iunderstandthatifarelationshipisnotgoodforme,Ihavetherightandabilityto
refusetoenterintoiteventhoughtheotherpersonthinksitmaybegoodforhimorher.IwillbeopentothelessonsIneedtolearnaboutmein
relationships,soIampreparedforthebestpossiblerelationshipswithpeople.

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April30
Balance

Thegoalisbalance.

Weneedbalancebetweenworkandplay.Weneedbalancebetweengivingandreceiving.Weneedbalanceinthoughtandfeelings.Weneedbalanceincaringfor
ourphysicalselfandourspiritualself.

Abalancedlifehasharmonybetweenaprofessionallifeandapersonallife.Theremaybetimeswhenweneedtoclimbmountainsatwork.Theremaybetimeswhen
weputextraenergyintoourrelationships.Buttheoverallpictureneedstobalance.

Justasabalancednutritionaldiettakesintoaccounttherealmofournutritionalneedstostayhealthy,abalancedlifetakesintoaccountallourneeds:ourneedfor
friends,work,love,family,play,privatetime,recoverytime,andspiritualtimetimewithGod.Ifwegetoutofbalance,ourinnervoicewilltellus.Weneedtolisten.

Today,Iwillexaminemylifetoseeifthescaleshaveswungtoofarinanyarea,ornotfarenoughinsome.Iwillworktowardachievingbalance.

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May

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May1
RecoveryPrayer

ThisprayerisbasedonasectionoftheBigBookofAlcoholicsAnonymous:

Thankyouforkeepingmestraightyesterday.Pleasehelpmestaystraighttoday.

Forthenexttwentyfourhours,IprayforknowledgeofYourwillformeonly,andthepowertocarrythatthrough.

Pleasefreemythinkingofselfwill,selfseeking,dishonesty,andwrongmotives.

Sendmetherightthought,word,oraction.Showmewhatmynextstepshouldbe.Intimesofdoubtandindecision,pleasesendYourinspirationandguidance.

IaskthatYoumighthelpmeworkthroughallmyproblems,toYourgloryandhonor.

Thisprayerisarecoveryprayer.Itcantakeusthroughanysituation.Inthedaysahead,wellexploretheideasinit.Ifwepraythisprayer,wecantrustithasbeen
answeredwithayes.

Today,IwilltrustthatGodwilldoformewhatIcannotdoformyself.IwilldomypartworkingtheTwelveStepsandlettingGoddotherest.

May2
OurHigherPower

Forthenexttwentyfourhours...

Inrecovery,welivelifeonedayatatime,anidearequiringanenormousamountoffaith.Werefusetolookbackunlesshealingfromthepastispartoftoday's
work.Welookaheadonlytomakeplans.Wefocusonthisday'sactivity,livingittothebestofourability.Ifwedothatlongenough,wellhaveenoughconnected
daysofhealthylivingtomakesomethingvaluableofourlife.

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...IprayforknowledgeofYourwillformeonly,...

WesurrendertoGod'swill.Westoptryingtocontrol,andwesettleforalifethatismanageable.WetrustourHigherPower'swillforusthatit'sgood,generous,
andwithdirection.

We'relearning,throughtrialanderror,toseparateourwillfromGod'swill.We'relearningthatGod'swillisnotoffensive.We'velearnedthatsometimesthere'sa
differencebetweenwhatotherswantustodoandGod'swill.We'realsolearningthatGoddidnotintendforustobecodependent,tobemartyrs,tocontrolor
caretake.We'relearningtotrustourselves.

...andthepowertocarrythatthrough.

Someofrecoveryisacceptingpowerlessness.Animportantpartofrecoveryisclaimingthepowertotakecareofourselves.

Sometimes,weneedtodothingsthatarefrighteningorpainful.Sometimes,weneedtostepout,stepback,orstepforward.WeneedtocallonthehelpofaPower
greaterthanourselvestodothat.

Wewillneverbecalledupontodoanythingthatwewon'tbeempoweredtodo.

Today,IcancalluponanenergizingPowerSourcetohelpme.ThatPowerisGod.IwillaskforwhatIneed.

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May3
FreedomfromSelfSeeking
Pleasefreemythinkingofselfwill,selfseeking,dishonesty,andwrongmotives.
paraphrasedfromAlcoholicsAnonymous

Thereisadifferencebetweenowningourpowertotakecareofourselves,aspartofGod'swillforourlife,andselfwill.Thereisadifferencebetweenselfcareand
selfseeking.Andourbehaviorsarenotasmuchsubjecttocriticismasarethemotivesunderlyingthem.

Thereisaharmonic,gentle,timelyfeelingtoowningourpower,toselfcare,andtoactswithhealthymotivesthatarenotpresentinselfwillandselfseeking.Wewill
learndiscernment.Butwewillnotalwaysknowthedifference.Sometimes,wewillfeelguiltyandanxiouswithnoneed.WemaybesurprisedatthelovingwayGod
wantsustotreatourselves.Wecantrustthatselfcareisalwaysappropriate.Wewanttobefreeofselfwillandselfseeking,butwearealwaysfreetotakecareof
ourselves.

God,pleaseguidemymotivestoday,andkeepmeonYourpath.Helpmelovemyself,andotherstoo.Helpmeunderstandthatmoreoftenthannot,those
twoideasareconnected.

May4
FreedomfromCompulsiveDisorders

Thankyouforkeepingmestraightyesterday.Pleasehelpmestaystraighttoday.
paraphrasedfromAlcoholicsAnonymous

WhenIfirstbeganmyrecoveryfromcodependency,Iwasfuriousabouthavingtobeginanotherrecoveryprogram.Sevenyearsearlier,Ihadbegunrecoveryfrom
chemical

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dependency.Itdidn'tseemfairthatonepersonshouldhavetoaddresstwomajorissuesinonelifetime.

I'vegottenovermyanger.I'velearnedthatmyrecoveriesaren'tisolatedfromoneanother.Manyofusrecoveringfromcodependencyandadultchildrenissuesare
alsorecoveringfromaddictions:alcoholism,otherdrugdependency,gambling,food,work,orsexaddiction.Someofusaretryingtostayfreeofothercompulsive
disordersrangingfromcaretakingtocompulsivelyfeelingmiserable,guilty,orashamed.

Animportantpartofcodependencyrecoveryisstayingcleanandfreeofourcompulsiveoraddictivebehaviors.Recoveryisonebigroomwe'veenteredcalled
healthyliving.

Wecanwavethewhiteflagofsurrendertoallouraddictions.WecansafelyturntoaPowergreaterthanourselvestorelieveusofourcompulsivebehavior.We
knowthatnow.Oncewebeginactivelyworkingaprogramofrecovery,Godwillrelieveusofouraddictions.AskGodeachmorningtohelpusstayfreeofour
addictionsandcompulsions.ThankGodforhelpingusthedaybefore.

Today,God,helpmepayattentiontoallmyrecoveryissues.HelpmeknowthatbeforeIcanworkonthefinerpointsofmyrecovery,suchasmy
relationships,Imustbefreeofaddictivebehaviors.

May5
Control

Manyofushavebeentryingtokeepthewholeworldinorbitwithsheerandforcefulapplicationofmentalenergy.

Whathappensifweletgo,ifwestoptryingtokeeptheworldorbitingandjustletitwhirl?It'llkeeprightonwhirling.It'llstayrightontrackwithnohelpfromus.And
we'llbefreeandrelaxedenoughtoenjoyourplaceonit.

Controlisanillusion,especiallythekindofcontrolwe'vebeentryingtoexert.Infact,controllinggivesotherpeople,

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events,anddiseases,suchasalcoholism,controloverus.Whateverwetrytocontroldoeshavecontroloverusandourlife.

Ihavegiventhiscontroltomanythingsandpeopleinmylife.IhavenevergottentheresultsIwantedfromcontrollingortryingtocontrolpeople.WhatIreceivedfor
myeffortsisanunmanageablelife,whetherthatunmanageabilitywasinsidemeorinexternalevents.

Inrecovery,wemakeatradeoff.Wetradealifethatwehavetriedtocontrol,andwereceiveinreturnsomethingbetteralifethatismanageable.

Today,Iwillexchangeacontrolledlifeforonethatismanageable.

May6
FeelingGood

Makeyourselffeelgood.

It'sourjobtofirstmakeourselvesfeelbetterandthenmakeourselvesfeelgood.Recoveryisnotonlyaboutstoppingpainfulfeelingsitisaboutcreatingagoodlife
forourselves.

Wedon'thavetodenyourselvesactivitiesthathelpusfeelgood.Goingtomeetings,baskinginthesun,exercising,takingawalk,orspendingtimewithafriendare
activitiesthatmayhelpusfeelgood.Weeachhaveourlist.Ifwedon't,we'renowfreetoexplore,experiment,anddevelopthatlist.

Whenwefindabehaviororactivitythatproducesagoodfeeling,putitonthelist.Then,doitfrequently.

Let'sstopdenyingourselvesgoodfeelingsandstartdoingthingsthatmakeusfeelgood.

Today,IwilldooneactivityorbehaviorthatIknowwillcreateagoodfeelingforme.IfI'muncertainaboutwhatIlike,Iwillexperimentwithone
behaviortoday.

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May7
LettingGoofFear

Fearisatthecoreofcodependency.Itcanmotivateustocontrolsituationsorneglectourselves.

Manyofushavebeenafraidforsolongthatwedon'tlabelourfeelingsfear.We'reusedtofeelingupsetandanxious.Itfeelsnormal.

Peaceandserenitymaybeuncomfortable.

Atonetime,fearmayhavebeenappropriateanduseful.Wemayhavereliedonfeartoprotectourselves,muchthewaysoldiersinawarrelyonfeartohelpthem
survive.Butnow,inrecovery,we'relivinglifedifferently.

It'stimetothankouroldfearsforhelpingussurvive,thenwavegoodbyetothem.Welcomepeace,trust,acceptance,andsafety.Wedon'tneedthatmuchfear
anymore.Wecanlistentoourhealthyfears,andletgooftherest.

Wecancreateafeelingofsafetyforourselves,now.Wearesafe,now.We'vemadeacommitmenttotakecareofourselves.Wecantrustandloveourselves.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobeafraid.Replaceitwithaneedtobeatpeace.Helpmelistentomyhealthyfearsandrelinquishtherest.

May8
GivingOurselvesWhatWeDeserve

Iworkedatagoodjob,makingadecentsalary.Ihadbeenrecoveringforyears.Eachmorning,IgotintomycarandIthankedGodforthecar.Theheaterdidn'twork.Andthe
chanceofthecarnotstartingwasalmostasgreatasthechancethatitwould.Ijustkeptsufferingthrough,and

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thankingGod.Oneday,itoccurredtomethattherewasabsolutelynogoodreasonIcouldn'tbuymyselfanewcarthatmomentifIwantedone.Ihadbeengratitudeingmyself
intounnecessarydeprivationandmartyrdom.Iboughtthenewcarthatday.
Anonymous

Often,ourinstinctivereactiontosomethingwewantorneedis,''No!Ican'taffordit!''

Thequestionwecanlearntoaskourselvesis,"But,canI?"

Manyofushavelearnedtohabituallydepriveourselvesofanythingwemightwant,andoftenthingsweneed.

Sometimes,wecanmisusetheconceptofgratitudetokeepourselvesunnecessarilydeprived.

Gratitudeforwhatwehaveisanimportantrecoveryconcept.Soisbelievingwedeservethebestandmakinganefforttostopdeprivingourselvesandstarttreating
ourselveswell.

Thereisnothingwrongwithbuyingourselveswhatwewantwhenwecanaffordtodothat.Learntotrustandlistentoyourselfaboutwhatyouwant.There'snothing
wrongwithbuyingyourselfatreat,buyingyourselfsomethingnew.

Therearetimeswhenitisgoodtowait.Therearetimeswhenwelegitimatelycannotaffordaluxury.Buttherearemanytimeswhenwecan.

Today,IwillcombinetheprinciplesofgratitudeforwhatIhavewiththebeliefthatIdeservethebest.Ifthereisnogoodreasontodeprivemyself,Iwon't.

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May9
LearningNewBehaviors
Sometimeswe'lltakeafewstepsbackward.That'sokaytoo.Sometimesit'snecessary.Sometimesit'spartofgoingforward.
CodependentNoMore

LifeisaGentleTeacher.Shewantstohelpuslearn.

Thelessonsshewantstoteachusaretheonesweneedtolearn.Somesaytheyarethelessonswechosetolearnbeforewewereborn.Otherssaytheyarethe
lessonsthatwerechosenforus.

It'sfrustratingtobeinthemidstoflearning.Itislikesittinginalgebraclass,listeningtoateacherexplainasubjectbeyondourcomprehension.Wedonotunderstand,
buttheteachertakestheunderstandingforgranted.

Itmayfeellikesomeoneistorturinguswithmessagesthatweshallneverunderstand.Westrainandstrain.Webecomeangry.Frustrated.Confused.Finally,in
despair,weturnaway,decidingthatthatformulawillneverbeavailabletoourmind.

Later,whiletakingaquietwalk,webreakthrough.Quietly,thegiftofunderstandinghasreachedthatdeepestplaceinus.Weunderstand.Wehavelearned.Thenext
dayinclass,it'shardforustoimaginenotknowing.Itishardtorememberthefrustrationandconfusionofthosewhohavenotyetcaughton.Itseemssoeasy...
now.

LifeisaGentleTeacher.Shewillkeeprepeatingthelessonuntilwelearn.Itisokaytobecomefrustrated.Confused.Angry.Sometimesitisokaytodespair.Then,it
isokaytowalkawayandallowthebreakthroughtocome.

Itshall.

Helpmerememberthatfrustrationandconfusionusuallyprecedegrowth.Ifmysituationischallengingme,itisbecauseI'm

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learningsomethingnew,risingtoahigherlevelofunderstanding.Helpmebegrateful,eveninmyfrustration,thatlifeisanexcitingprogressionof
lessons.

May10
EnjoyingtheGoodDays

Goodfeelingscanbecomeahabitualpartofourlife.Thereisabsolutelynovirtueintheunnecessarysuffering,whichmanyofushavefeltformuchofourlife.We
don'thavetoallowotherstomakeusmiserable,andwedon'thavetomakeourselvesmiserable.

Agooddaydoesnothavetobethe"calmbeforethestorm."That'sanoldwayofthinkingwelearnedindysfunctionalsystems.

Inrecovery,agooddayoragoodfeelingdoesn'tmeanwe'reindenial.Wedon'thavetowreckourgoodtimesbyobsessivelysearchingfororcreatingaproblem.

Enjoyingourgooddaysdoesn'tmeanwe'rebeingdisloyaltolovedoneswhoarehavingproblems.Wedon'thavetomakeourselvesfeelguiltybecauseotherpeople
aren'thavingagoodday.Wedon'thavetomakeourselvesmiserabletobelikethem.Theycanhavetheirdayandtheirfeelingswecanhaveours.

Agoodfeelingistobeenjoyed.Morethanwecanimagine,gooddaysareoursfortheasking.

Today,Iwillletmyselfenjoywhatisgood.Idon'thavetowreckmygooddayorgoodfeelingIdon'thavetoletothersspoiliteither.

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May11
Perfection

Manyofuspickedonourselvesunmercifullybeforerecovery.Wemayalsohaveatendencytopickonourselvesafterwebeginrecovery.

"IfIwasreallyrecovering,Iwouldn'tbedoingthatagain....""IshouldbefurtheralongthanIam."Thesearestatementsthatweindulgeinwhenwe'refeeling
shame.Wedon'tneedtotreatourselvesthatway.Thereisnobenefit.

Remember,shameblocksus.Butselfloveandacceptanceenableustogrowandchange.Ifwetrulyhavedonesomethingwefeelguiltyabout,wecancorrectitwith
anamendandanattitudeofselfacceptanceandlove.

Evenifweslipbacktoourold,codependentwaysofthinking,feeling,andbehaving,wedonotneedtobeashamed.Weallregressfromtimetotime.That'showwe
learnandgrow.Relapse,orrecycling,isanimportantandnecessarypartofrecovery.Andthewayoutofrecyclingisnotbyshamingourselves.Thatleadsusdeeper
intocodependency.

Muchpaincomesfromtryingtobeperfect.Perfectionisimpossibleunlesswethinkofitinanewway:Perfectionisbeingwhoandwherewearetodayit's
acceptingandlovingourselvesjustasweare.Weareeachrightwhereweneedtobeinourrecovery.

Today,IwillloveandacceptmyselfforwhoIamandwhereIaminmyrecoveryprocess.IamrightwhereIneedtobetogettowhereI'mgoing
tomorrow.

May12
Intimacy

Wecanletourselvesbeclosetopeople.

Manyofushavedeeplyingrainedpatternsforsabotagingrelationships.Someofusmayinstinctivelyterminatea

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relationshiponceitmovestoacertainlevelofclosenessandintimacy.

Whenwestarttofeelclosetosomeone,wemayzeroinononeoftheperson'scharacterdefects,thenmakeitsobigit'sallwecansee.Wemaywithdraw,orpush
thepersonawaytocreatedistance.Wemaystartcriticizingtheotherperson,abehaviorsuretocreatedistance.

Wemaystarttryingtocontroltheperson,abehaviorthatpreventsintimacy.

Wemaytellourselveswedon'twantorneedanotherperson,orsmotherthepersonwithourneeds.

Sometimes,wedefeatourselvesbytryingtobeclosetopeoplewhoaren'tavailableforintimacypeoplewithactiveaddictions,orpeoplewhodon'tchoosetobe
closetous.Sometimes,wechoosepeoplewithparticularfaultssothatwhenitcomestimetobeclose,wehaveanescapehatch.

We'reafraid,andwefearlosingourselves.We'reafraidthatclosenessmeanswewon'tbeabletoownourpowertotakecareofourselves.

Inrecovery,we'relearningthatit'sokaytoletourselvesbeclosetopeople.We'rechoosingtorelatetosafe,healthypeople,soclosenessisapossibility.Closeness
doesn'tmeanwehavetoloseourselves,orourlife.Asonemansaid,we'relearningthatwecanownourpowerwithpeople,evenwhenwe'reclose,evenwhenthe
otherpersonhassomethingweneed.

Today,Iwillbeavailableforclosenessandintimacywithpeople,whenthat'sappropriate.Wheneverpossible,IwillletmyselfbewhoIam,letothersbe
whotheyare,andenjoythebondandgoodfeelingsbetweenus.

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May13
PropertyLines

Ahelpfultoolinourrecovery,especiallyinthebehaviorwecalldetachment,islearningtoidentifywhoownswhat.Thenweleteachpersonownandpossesshisor
herrightfulproperty.

Ifanotherpersonhasanaddiction,aproblem,afeeling,oraselfdefeatingbehavior,thatistheirproperty,notours.Ifsomeoneisamartyr,immersedinnegativity,
controlling,ormanipulative,thatistheirissue,notours.

Ifsomeonehasactedandexperiencedaparticularconsequence,boththebehaviorandtheconsequencebelongtothatperson.

Ifsomeoneisindenialorcannotthinkclearlyonaparticularissue,thatconfusionbelongstohimorher.

Ifsomeonehasalimitedorimpairedabilitytoloveorcare,thatishisorherproperty,notours.Ifsomeonehasnoapprovalornurturingtogiveaway,thatisthat
person'sproperty.

People'slies,deceptions,tricks,manipulations,abusivebehaviors,inappropriatebehaviors,cheatingbehaviors,andtackybehaviorsbelongtothemtoo.Notus.

People'shopesanddreamsaretheirproperty.Theirguiltbelongstothemtoo.Theirhappinessormiseryisalsotheirs.Soaretheirbeliefsandmessages.

Ifsomepeopledon'tlikethemselves,thatistheirchoice.Otherpeople'schoicesaretheirproperty,notours.

Whatpeoplechoosetosayanddoistheirbusiness.

Whatisourproperty?Ourpropertyincludesourbehaviors,problems,feelings,happiness,misery,choices,andmessagesourabilitytolove,care,andnurtureour
thoughts,ourdenial,ourhopesanddreamsforourselves.Whetherweallowourselvestobecontrolled,manipulated,deceived,ormistreatedisourbusiness.

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Inrecovery,welearnanappropriatesenseofownership.Ifsomethingisn'tours,wedon'ttakeit.Ifwetakeit,welearntogiveitback.Letotherpeoplehavetheir
property,andlearntoownandtakegoodcareofwhat'sours.

Today,Iwillworkatdevelopingaclearsenseofwhatbelongstome,andwhatdoesn't.Ifit'snotmine,Iwon'tkeepit.Iwilldealwithmyself,myissues,
andmyresponsibilities.Iwilltakemyhandsoffwhatisnotmine.

May14
Honesty
AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.
StepFiveofAlAnon

Talkingopeningandhonestlytoanotherpersonaboutourselves,inanattitudethatreflectsselfresponsibility,iscriticaltorecovery.

It'simportanttoadmitwhatwehavedonewrongtoothersandtoourselves.Verbalizeourbeliefsandourbehaviors.Getourresentmentsandfearsoutintheopen.

That'showwereleaseourpain.That'showwereleaseoldbeliefsandfeelings.That'showwearesetfree.ThemoredearandspecificwecanbewithourHigher
Power,ourselves,andanotherperson,themorequicklywewillexperiencethatfreedom.

StepFiveisanimportantpartoftherecoveryprocess.Forthoseofuswhohavelearnedtokeepsecretsfromourselvesandothers,itisnotjustastepitisaleap
towardbecominghealthy.

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TodayIwillrememberthatit'sokaytotalkabouttheissuesthatbotherme.ItisbysharingmyissuesthatIwillgrowbeyondthem.Iwillalsoremember
thatit'sokaytobeselectiveaboutthoseinwhomIconfide.Icantrustmyinstinctsandchoosesomeonewhowillnotusemydisclosuresagainstme,and
whowillgivemehealthyfeedback.

May15
TakeRisks

Takearisk.Takeachance.

Wedonothavetoindulgeinobviouslyfoolhardyorselfdefeatingrisks,butwecanallowourselvestotakepositiverisksinrecovery.Wecannotaffordtokeep
ourselvesparalyzed.

Wedonothavetokeepourselvesstymiedandtrappedoutoffearofmakingamistakeorfailing.Naturally,wewillmakemistakesandfailfromtimetotime.That's
partofbeingfullyalive.Therearenoguarantees.Ifwearewaitingforguaranteedcoursesofaction,wemayspendmuchofourlifewaiting.

Wedonothavetoshameourselvesoracceptshamefromanyoneelse,eventhoseinrecovery,formakingmistakes.Thegoalofrecoveryisnottolivelifeperfectly.
Thegoalofrecoveryistolive,learnourlessons,andmakeoverallprogress.

Takearisk.Donotalwayswaitforaguarantee.Wedon'thavetolistento"Itoldyouso."Dustyourselfoffafteramistake,andthenmoveontothesuccess.

God,helpmebegintotakehealthyrisks.Helpmeletgoofmyfearoffailure,andhelpmeletgoofmyfearofsuccess.Helpmeletgoofmyfearoffully
livingmylife,andhelpmestartexperiencingallpartsofthisjourney.

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May16
SelfLove

"IwokeupthismorningandIhadahardtimeforawhile,"saidonerecoveringman."ThenIrealizeditwasbecauseIwasn'tlikingmyselfverymuch."Recovering
peopleoftensay:"Ijustdon'tlikemyself.WhenwillIstartlikingmyself?"

Theansweris:startnow.Wecanlearntobegentle,loving,andnurturingwithourselves.Ofalltherecoverybehaviorswe'restrivingtoattain,lovingourselvesmaybe
themostdifficult,andthemostimportant.Ifwearehabituallyharshandcriticaltowardourselves,learningtobegentlewithourselvesmayrequirededicatedeffort.

Butwhatavaluableventure!

Bynotlikingourselves,wemaybeperpetuatingthediscounting,neglect,orabusewereceivedinchildhoodfromtheimportantpeopleinourlife.Wedidn'tlikewhat
happenedthen,butfindourselvescopyingthosewhomistreatedusbytreatingourselvespoorly.

Wecanstopthepattern.Wecanbegingivingourselvestheloving,respectfultreatmentwedeserve.

Insteadofcriticizingourselves,wecantellourselvesweperformedwellenough.

Wecanwakeupinthemorningandtellourselveswedeserveagoodday.

Wecanmakeacommitmenttotakegoodcareofourselvesthroughouttheday.

Wecanrecognizethatwe'redeservingoflove.

Wecandolovingthingsforourselves.

Wecanloveotherpeopleandletthemloveus.

Peoplewhotrulylovethemselvesdonotbecomedestructivelyselfcentered.Theydonotabuseothers.Theydonotstopgrowingandchanging.Peoplewholove
themselveswell,learntoloveotherswelltoo.Theycontinuallygrowintohealthierpeople,learningthattheirlovewasappropriatelyplaced.

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Today,Iwilllovemyself.IfIgetcaughtintheoldpatternofnotlikingmyself,Iwillfindawaytogetout.

May17
Boundaries

Sometimes,lifeandpeopleseemtopushandpush.Becausewearesousedtopain,wemaytellourselvesitdoesn'thurt.Becausewearesousedtopeople
controllingandmanipulatingus,wemaytellourselvesthereissomethingwrongwithus.

There'snothingwrongwithus.Lifeispushingandhurtingtogetourattention.Sometimes,thepainandpushingarepointingtowardalesson.Thelessonmaybethat
we'vebecometoocontrolling.Ormaybewe'rebeingpushedtoownourpowertotakecareofourselves.Theissueisboundaries.

Ifsomethingorsomebodyispushingustoourlimits,that'sexactlywhat'shappening:we'rebeingpushedtoourlimits.Wecanbegratefulforthelessonthat'shereto
helpusexploreandsetourboundaries.

Today,IwillgivemyselfpermissiontosetthelimitsIwantandneedtosetinmylife.

May18
LivingOurLives

Don'tstoplivingyourlife!

Sooften,whenaproblemoccurs,insideoraroundus,wereverttothinkingthatifweputourlifeonholdwecanpositivelycontributetothesolution.Ifarelationship
isn'tworking,ifwefaceadifficultdecision,ifwe'refeelingdepressed,wemayputourlifeonholdandtormentourselveswithobsessivethoughts.

Abandoningourlifeorroutinescontributestotheproblemanddelaysusfromfindingthesolution.

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Frequently,thesolutioncomeswhenweletgoenoughtoliveourlife,returntoourroutine,andstopobsessingabouttheproblem.

Sometimes,evenifwedon'tfeellikewehaveletgoorcanletgo,wecan''actasif''wehave,andthatwillhelpbringaboutthelettinggowedesire.

Youdon'thavetogiveupyourpowertoproblems.Youcantakeyourfocusoffyourproblemanddirectittoyourlife,trustingthatdoingsowillbringyouclosertoa
solution.

Today,Iwillgoonlivingmylifeandtendingtomyroutine.Iwilldecide,asoftenasIneedto,tostopobsessingaboutwhateverisbotheringme.IfIdon't
feellikelettinggoofaparticularthingIwill"actasif"Ihaveletgoofituntilmyfeelingsmatchmybehavior.

May19
SolvingProblems

"ShameisthefirstfeelingthatstrikesmewheneverI,orsomeoneIlove,hasaproblem,"saidonerecoveringwoman.

Manyofuswereraisedwiththebeliefthathavingaproblemissomethingtobeashamedof.

Thisbeliefcandomanydamagingthingstous.Itcanstopusfromidentifyingourproblemsitcanmakeusfeelalienatedandinferiorwhenwehave,orsomeonewe
lovehas,aproblem.Shamecanblockusfromsolvingaproblemandfindingthegiftfromtheproblem.

Problemsareapartoflife.Soaresolutions.Peoplehaveproblems,butwe,andourselfesteem,areseparatefromourproblems.

I'veyettomeetapersonwhodidn'thaveproblemstosolve,butI'vemetmanywhofeltashamedtotalkabouttheproblemstheyactuallyhadsolved!

Wearemorethanourproblems.Evenifourproblemisourownbehavior,theproblemisnotwhoweareit'swhatwedid.

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It'sokaytohaveproblems.It'sokaytotalkaboutproblemsatappropriatetimes,andwithsafepeople.It'sokaytosolveproblems.

Andwe'reokay,evenwhenwehave,orsomeonewelove,hasaproblem.Wedon'thavetoforfeitourpersonalpowerorourselfesteem.Wehavesolvedexactly
theproblemswe'veneededtosolvetobecomewhoweare.

Today,Iwillletgoofmyshameaboutproblems.

May20
Sadness

Ultimately,togrieveourlossesmeanstosurrendertoourfeelings.

Somanyofushavelostsomuch,havesaidsomanygoodbyes,havebeenthroughsomanychanges.Wemaywanttoholdbackthetidesofchange,notbecausethe
changeisn'tgood,butbecausewehavehadsomuchchange,somuchloss.

Sometimes,whenweareinthemidstofpainandgrief,webecomeshortsighted,likemembersofatribedescribedinthemovieOutofAfrica.

"Ifyouputtheminprison,"onecharactersaid,describingthistribe,"theydie."

"Why?"askedanothercharacter.

"Becausetheycan'tgrasptheideathatthey'llbeletoutoneday.Theythinkit'spermanent,sotheydie."

Manyofushavesomuchgrieftogetthrough.Sometimeswebegintobelievegrief,orpain,isapermanentcondition.

Thepainwillstop.Oncefeltandreleased,ourfeelingswillbringustoabetterplacethanwherewestarted.Feelingourfeelings,insteadofdenyingorminimizingthem,
ishowwehealfromourpastandmoveforwardintoabetterfuture.Feelingourfeelingsishowweletgo.

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Itmayhurtforamoment,butpeaceandacceptanceareontheotherside.Soisanewbeginning.

God,helpmefullyembraceandfinishmyendings,soImaybereadyformynewbeginnings.

May21
GettingNeedsMet

Iwanttochangecareers....Ineedafriend....I'mreadytobeinarelationship....

Regularly,webecomeawareofnewneeds.Wemayneedtochangeourbehaviorwithourchildren.Wemayneedanewcouch,loveandnurturing,adollar,orhelp.

Donotbeafraidtorecognizeawantorneed.Thebirthofawantorneed,thetemporaryfrustrationfromacknowledginganeedbeforeit'smet,isthestartofthe
cycleofreceivingwhatwewant.Wefollowthisbylettinggo,thenreceivingthatwhichwewantandneed.Identifyingourneedsispreparationforgoodthingsto
come.

Acknowledgingourneedsmeanswearebeingpreparedanddrawntothatwhichwillmeetthem.Wecanhavefaithtostandinthatplaceinbetween.

Today,Iwillletgoofmybeliefthatmyneedsnevergetmet.Iwillacknowledgemywantsandneeds,thenturnthemovertomyHigherPower.MyHigher
Powercares,sometimesaboutthesilliestlittlethings,ifIdo.Mywantsandneedsarenotanaccident.Godcreatedme,andallmydesires.

May22
TimesofReprogramming

Donotaskforloveunlessyou'rereadytobehealedenoughtogiveandreceivelove.

Donotaskforjoyunlessyou'rereadytofeelandreleaseyourpain,soyoucanfeeljoy.

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Donotaskforsuccessunlessyou'rereadytoconquerthebehaviorsthatwouldsabotagesuccess.

Wouldn'titbeniceifwecouldimagineourselveshavingorbecomingandthenimmediatelyreceivingwhatwewanted?Wecanhaveandbethegoodthingswe
want.Allgoodthingsareoursfortheasking.Butfirst,groundworkpreparationworkmustbedone.

Agardenerwouldnotplantseedsunlessthegroundwasadequatelypreparedtonurtureandnourishthoseseeds.Theplantingwouldbewastedeffort.Itwouldbe
wastedeffortforustogetwhatwewantedbeforewewereready.

First,weneedtobecomeawareofourneedordesire.Thismaynotbeeasy!Manyofushavebecomeaccustomedtoshuttingofftheinnervoiceofourwants,
needs,anddesires.Sometimes,lifehastoworkhardtogetourattention.

Nextweletgooftheold"programming"thebehaviorsandbeliefsthatinterferewithnurturingandnourishingthegood.Manyofushavestrongsabotaging
programs,learnedfromchildhood,thatneedtobereleased.Wemayneedto"actasif"forawhileuntilthebeliefthatwedeservethegoodbecomesreal.

Wecombinethisprocesswithmuchlettinggo,whilewearebeingchangedatthecore.

Thereisanaturalnesstothisprocess,butitcanbeintense.Thingstaketime.

Goodthingsareoursfortheasking,ifwearewillingtoparticipateintheworkofgroundbreaking.Workandwait.

Today,God,givemethecouragetoidentifythegoodIwantinmylifeandtoaskforit.GivemealsothefaithandstaminaIneedtogothroughthework
thatmustbeaccomplishedfirst.

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May23
Enjoyment

Lifeisnottobeenduredlifeistobeenjoyedandembraced.

Thebeliefthatwemustsquareourshouldersandgetthroughameager,deprivedexistenceforfaroff"rewardsinHeaven"isacodependentbelief.

Yes,mostofusstillhavetimeswhenlifewillbestressfulandchallengeourenduranceskills.Butinrecovery,we'relearningtolive,toenjoyourlife,andhandle
situationsastheycome.

Oursurvivalskillshaveserveduswell.Theyhavegottenusthroughdifficulttimesaschildrenandadults.Ourabilitytofreezefeelings,denyproblems,deprive
ourselves,andcopewithstresshashelpedusgetwherewearetoday.Butwe'resafenow.We'relearningtodomorethansurvive.Wecanletgoofunhealthy
survivalbehaviors.We'relearningnew,betterwaystoprotectandcareforourselves.We'refreetofeelourfeelings,identifyandsolveproblems,andgiveourselves
thebest.We'refreetoopenupandcomealive.

Today,Iwillletgoofmyunhealthyenduranceandsurvivalskills.Iwillchooseanewmodeofliving,onethatallowsmetobealiveandenjoythe
adventure.

May24
LettingtheCyclesFlow

Lifeiscyclical,notstatic.Ourrelationshipsbenefitwhenweallowthemtofollowtheirownnaturalcycles.

Likethetideebbsandflows,sodothecyclesinrelationships.Wehaveperiodsofclosenessandperiodsofdistance.Wehavetimesofcomingtogetherandtimesof
separatingtoworkonindividualissues.

Wehavetimesofloveandjoy,andtimesofanger.

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Sometimes,thedimensionsofrelationshipschangeaswegothroughchanges.Sometimes,lifebringsusnewfriendsoranewlovedonetoteachusthenextlesson.

Thatdoesnotmeantheoldfrienddisappearsforever.Itmeanswehaveenteredanewcycle.

Wedonothavetocontrolthecourseofourrelationships,whetherthesebefriendshipsorloverelationships.Wedonothavetosatisfyourneedtocontrolby
imposingastaticformonrelationships.

Letitflow.Beopentothecycles.Lovewillnotdisappear.Thebondbetweenfriendswillnotsever.Thingsdonotremainthesameforever,especiallywhenweare
growingandchangingatsucharapidpace.

Trusttheflow.Takecareofyourself,butbewillingtoletpeoplego.Hangingontothemtootightlywillmakethemdisappear.

Theoldadageaboutlovestillholdstrue:"Ifit'smeanttobe,itwillbe.Andifyoulovesomeone,letthemgo.Iftheycomebacktoyou,theloveisyours."

Today,Iacceptthecyclicalnatureoflifeandrelationships.Iwillstrivetogowiththeflow.Iwillstriveforharmonywithmyownneedsandtheneedsof
theotherperson.

May25
LovingOurselvesUnconditionally

Loveyourselfintohealthandagoodlifeofyourown.

Loveyourselfintorelationshipsthatworkforyouandtheotherperson.Loveyourselfintopeace,happiness,joy,success,andcontentment.

Loveyourselfintoallthatyoualwayswanted.Wecanstoptreatingourselvesthewayotherstreatedus,iftheybehavedinalessthanhealthy,desirableway.Ifwe
havelearnedtoseeourselvescritically,conditionally,andinadiminishingandpunishingway,it'stimetostop.Other

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peopletreatedusthatway,butit'sevenworsetotreatourselvesthatwaynow.

Lovingourselvesmayseemforeign,evenfoolishattimes.Peoplemayaccuseusofbeingselfish.Wedon'thavetobelievethem.

Peoplewholovethemselvesaretrulyabletoloveothersandletotherslovethem.Peoplewholovethemselvesandholdthemselvesinhighesteemarethosewhogive
themost,contributethemost,lovethemost.

Howdoweloveourselves?Byforcingitatfirst.Byfakingitifnecessary.By"actingasif."Byworkingashardatlovingandlikingourselvesaswehaveatnotliking
ourselves.

Explorewhatitmeanstoloveyourself.

Dothingsforyourselfthatreflectcompassionate,nurturing,selflove.

Embraceandloveallofyourselfpast,present,andfuture.Forgiveyourselfquicklyandasoftenasnecessary.Encourageyourself.Tellyourselfgoodthingsabout
yourself.

Ifwethinkandbelievenegativeideas,getthemoutintheopenquicklyandhonestly,sowecanreplacethosebeliefswithbetterones.

Patyourselfonthebackwhennecessary.Disciplineyourselfwhennecessary.Askforhelp,fortimeaskforwhatyouneed.

Sometimes,giveyourselftreats.Donottreatyourselflikeapackmule,alwayspushinganddrivingharder.Learntobegoodtoyourself.Choosebehaviorswith
preferableconsequencestreatingyourselfwellisone.

Learntostopyourpain,evenwhenthatmeansmakingdifficultdecisions.Donotunnecessarilydepriveyourself.Sometimes,giveyourselfwhatyouwant,just
becauseyouwantit.

Stopexplainingandjustifyingyourself.Whenyoumakemistakes,letthemgo.Welearn,wegrow,andwelearnsomemore.Andthroughitall,weloveourselves.

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Weworkatit,thenworkatitsomemore.Onedaywellwakeup,lookinthemirror,andfindthatlovingourselveshasbecomehabitual.We'renowlivingwitha
personwhogivesandreceiveslove,becausethatpersonloveshimorherself.Selflovewilltakeholdandbecomeaguidingforceinourlife.

Today,Iwillworkatlovingmyself.IwillworkashardatlovingmyselfasIhaveatnotlikingmyself.Helpmeletgoofselfhateandbehaviorsthatreflect
notlikingmyself.Helpmereplacethosewithbehaviorsthatreflectselflove.Today,God,helpmeholdmyselfinhighselfesteem.HelpmeknowI'm
lovableandcapableofgivingandreceivinglove.

May26
Gossip

Intimacyisthatwarmgiftoffeelingconnectedtoothersandenjoyingourconnectiontothem.

Aswegrowinrecovery,wefindthatgiftinmany,sometimessurprisingplaces.Wemaydiscoverwe'vedevelopedintimaterelationshipswithpeopleatwork,with
friends,withpeopleinoursupportgroupssometimeswithfamilymembers.Manyofusarediscoveringintimacyinaspecialloverelationship.

Intimacyisnotsex,althoughsexcanbeintimate.Intimacymeansmutuallyhonest,warm,caring,saferelationshipsrelationshipswheretheotherpersoncanbewho
heorsheisandwecanbewhoweareandbothpeoplearevalued.

Sometimesthereareconflicts.Conflictisinevitable.Sometimestherearetroublesomefeelingstoworkthrough.Sometimestheboundariesorparametersof
relationshipschange.Butthereisabondoneofloveandtrust.

Therearemanyblockstointimacyandintimaterelationships.Addictionsandabuseblockintimacy.Unresolvedfamilyoforiginissuespreventintimacy.Controlling
blocks

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intimacy.Offbalancerelationships,wherethereistoogreatadiscrepancyinpower,preventintimacy.Caretakingcanblockintimacy.Nagging,withdrawing,and
shuttingdowncanhurtintimacy.

Socanasimplebehaviorlikegossipforexample,gossipingaboutanotherformotivesofdiminishinghimorherinordertobuildupourselvesortojudgetheperson.
Todiscussanotherperson'sissues,shortcomings,orfailureswithsomeoneelsewillhaveapredictablenegativeimpactontherelationship.

Wedeservetoenjoyintimacyinasmanyofourrelationshipsaspossible.Wedeserverelationshipsthathavenotbeensabotaged.

Thatdoesnotmeanwewalkaroundwithourheadsinthecloudsitmeanswestrivetokeepourmotivescleanwhenitcomestodiscussingotherpeople.

Ifwehaveaseriousissuewithsomeone,thebestwaytoresolveitistobringtheissuetothatperson.

Direct,cleanconversationclearstheairandpavesthewayforintimacy,forgoodfeelingsaboutourselvesandourrelationshipswithothers.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyfearofintimacy.Helpmestrivetokeepmycommunicationswithotherscleanandfreefrommaliciousgossip.Helpme
worktowardintimacyinmyrelationships.Helpmedealasdirectlyaspossiblewithmyfeelings.

May27
RecognizingChoices

Wehavechoices,morechoicesthanweletourselvessee.

Wemayfeeltrappedinourrelationships,ourjobs,ourlife.Wemayfeellockedintobehaviorssuchascaretakingorcontrolling.

Feelingtrappedisasymptomofcodependency.Whenwehearourselvessay,"Ihavetotakecareofthisperson...."

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"Ihavetosayyes....""Ihavetotrytocontrolthatperson...."

"Ihavetobehavethisway,thinkthisway,feelthisway...."wecanknowwearechoosingnottoseechoices.

Thatsenseofbeingtrappedisanillusion.Wearenotcontrolledbycircumstances,ourpast,theexpectationsofothers,orourunhealthyexpectationsforourselves.
Wecanchoosewhatfeelsrightforus,withoutguilt.Wehaveoptions.

Recoveryisnotaboutbehavingperfectlyoraccordingtoanyoneelse'srules.Morethananythingelse,recoveryisaboutknowingwehavechoicesandgiving
ourselvesthefreedomtochoose.

Today,Iwillopenmythinkingandmyselftothechoicesavailabletome.Iwillmakechoicesthataregoodforme.

May28
LettingGoofSelfDoubt
AmarriedwomanwhohadrecentlyjoinedAlAnoncalledmeoneafternoon.Sheworkedparttimeasaregisterednurse,hadassumedalltheresponsibilitiesforraisinghertwo
children,anddidallthehouseholdchores,includingrepairsandfinances."Iwanttoseparatefrommyhusband,"shesobbed."Ican'tstandhimorhisabuseanylonger.Buttell
me,pleasetellme,"shesaid,"doyouthinkIcantakecareofmyself?"
CodependentNoMore

Notonlyisitokaytotakecareofourselves,wecantakegoodcareofourselves.

Manyofus,soconfidentaboutourabilitytotakecareofothers,doubtourinherentstrengthtocareforourselves.Wemayhavecometobelieve,fromourpastor
presentcircumstances,thatweneedtotakecareofothersandweneedotherstotakecareofus.Thisistheultimatecodependentbelief.

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Nomatterwherethisselfdefeatingbeliefwasborn,wecanreleaseitandreplaceitwithabetterone,ahealthierone,amoreaccurateone.

Wecantakecareofourselveswhetherweareinoroutofarelationship.Everythingweneedwillbeprovided.Wewillhavelovedones,friends,andourHigher
Powertohelp.

Knowingthatwecantakecareofourselvesdoesn'tmeanwewon'thavefeelingsoffear,discomfort,doubt,anger,andfragilityattimes.Itmeanswepractice
''courageousvulnerability,''asColetteDowlingcalleditinCinderellaComplex.Wemayfeelscared,butwedoitanyway.

Today,God,helpmeknowhowIcantakecareofmyself.

May29
PowerlessnessandUnmanageability

Willpowerisnotthekeytothewayoflifeweareseeking.Surrenderis.

"Ihavespentmuchofmylifetryingtomakepeoplebe,do,orfeelsomethingtheyaren't,don'twanttodo,andchoosenottofeel.Ihavemadethem,andmyself,
crazyinthatprocess,"saidonerecoveringwoman.

"Ispentmychildhoodtryingtomakeanalcoholicfatherwhodidn'tlovehimselfbeanormalpersonwholovedme.Ithenmarriedanalcoholicandspentadecade
tryingtomakehimstopdrinking.

"Ihavespentyearstryingtomakeemotionallyunavailablepeoplebeemotionallypresentforme.

"Ihavespentevenmoreyearstryingtomakefamilymembers,whoarecontentfeelingmiserable,happy.WhatI'msayingisthis:I'vespentmuchofmylifedesperately
andvainlytryingtodotheimpossibleandfeelinglikeafailurewhenIcouldn't.It'sbeenlikeplantingcornandtryingtomaketheseedsgrowpeas.Won'twork!

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"Bysurrenderingtopowerlessness,IgainthepresenceofmindtostopwastingmytimeandenergytryingtochangeandcontrolthatwhichIcannotchangeand
control.Itgivesmepermissiontostoptryingtodotheimpossibleandfocusonwhatispossible:beingwhoIam,lovingmyself,feelingwhatIfeel,anddoingwhatI
wanttodowithmylife."

Inrecovery,welearntostopfightinglions,simplybecausewecannotwin.Wealsolearnthatthemorewearefocusedoncontrollingandchangingothers,themore
unmanageableourlifebecomes.Themorewefocusonlivingourownlife,themorewehavealifetolive,andthemoremanageableourlifewillbecome.

Today,IwillacceptpowerlessnesswhereIhavenopowertochangethings,andI'llallowmylifetobecomemanageable.

May30
Commitment

Aswewalkthroughlife,therearemanythingsandpeoplewemaylose,orloseouton,ifweareunwillingtocommit.Weneedtomakeacommitmentfor
relationshipstogrowbeyondthedatingstage,tohavethehomeorapartmentwewant,thejobwewant,orthecarwedesire.

Wemustcommit,ondeeplevels,tocareerstogoalstofamily,friends,recovery.Tryingsomethingwillnotenableustosucceed.Committingourselveswill.

Yet,weneednevercommitbeforeweareready.

Sometimes,ourfearofcommitmentistellingussomething.Wemaynotwanttocommittoaparticularrelationship,purchase,orcareer.Othertimes,itisamatterof
ourfearsworkingtheirwayout.Wait,then.Waituntiltheissuebecomesclear.

Trustyourself.AskyourHigherPowertoremoveyourfearofcommitment.AskGodtoremoveyourblockstocommitment.AskGodforguidance.

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Askyourselfifyouarewillingtolosewhatyouwillnotcommitto.Thenlisten,quietly.Andwaituntiladecisionseemsconsistentlyrightandcomfortable.

Weneedtobeabletocommit,butweneednevercommituntilweareready.

Trustthatyouwillcommitwhenyouwantto.

God,guidemeinmakingmycommitments.Givemethecouragetomakethosethatarerightforme,thewisdomtonotcommittothatwhichdoesnotfeel
right,andthepatiencetowaituntilIknow

May31
WhatIf?

IwastalkingtoafriendonedayaboutsomethingIplannedtodo.Actually,IwasworryingabouthowoneparticularpersonmightreacttowhatIintendedtodo.

"Whatifhedoesn'thandleitverywell?"Iasked.

'Then,"myfriendreplied,"you'regoingtohavetohandleitwell."

"Whatif's"canmakeuscrazy.Theyputcontroloverourlifeinsomeoneelse'shands."Whatif's"areasignthatwehaverevertedtothinkingthatpeoplehavetoreact
inaparticularwayforustocontinueonourcourse.

"Whatif's"arealsoacluethatwemaybewonderingwhetherwecantrustourselvesandourHigherPowertodowhat'sbestforus.Theseareshredsofcodependent
waysofthinking,feeling,andbehaving,andtheysignalfear.

Thereactions,feelings,likesordislikesofothersdon'thavetocontrolourbehaviors,feelings,anddirection.Wedon'tneedtocontrolhowothersreacttoour
choices.Wecantrustourselves,withhelpfromaHigherPowertohandleanyoutcomeeventhemostuncomfortable.And,myfriend,wecantrustourselvesto
handleitwell.

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Today,Iwillnotworryaboutotherpeople'sreactions,oreventsoutsideofmycontrol.Instead,Iwillfocusonmyreactions.Iwillhandlemylifewelltoday
andtrustthat,tomorrow,Icandothesame.

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June

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June1
Directness

Wefeelsafearounddirect,honestpeople.Theyspeaktheirminds,andweknowwherewestandwiththem.

Indirectpeople,peoplewhoareafraidtosaywhotheyare,whattheywant,andwhatthey'refeeling,cannotbetrusted.Theywillsomehowactouttheirtrutheven
thoughtheydonotspeakit.Anditmaycatcheveryonebysurprise.

Directnesssavestimeandenergy.Itremovesusasvictims.Itdispenseswithmartyrdomandgames.Ithelpsusownourpower.Itcreatesrespectfulrelationships.

Itfeelssafetobearounddirect,honestpeople.Beone.

Today,Iwillownmypowertobedirect.Idonothavetobepassive,nordoIneedtobeaggressive.Iwillbecomecomfortablewithmyowntruth,sothose
aroundmecanbecomecomfortablewithme.

June2
OwningOurPower

Wedon'thavetogiveotherssomuchpowerandourselvessolittle.Wedon'thavetogiveotherssomuchcreditandourselvessolittle.Inrecoveryfrom
codependency,welearnthere'sabigdifferencebetweenhumilityanddiscountingourselves.

Whenothersactirresponsiblyandattempttoblametheirproblemsonus,wenolongerfeelguilty.Weletthemfacetheirownconsequences.

Whenotherstalknonsense,wedon'tquestionourownthinking.

Whenotherstrytomanipulateorexploitus,weknowit'sokaytofeelangeranddistrustandtosaynototheplan.

Whenotherstellusthatwewantsomethingthatwereallydon'twant,orsomeonetellsusthatwedon'twantsomethingthatwereallydowant,wetrustourselves.
When

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otherstellusthingswedon'tbelieve,weknowit'sokaytotrustourinstincts.

Wecanevenchangeourmindlater.

Wedon'thavetogiveupourpersonalpowertoanyone:strangers,friends,spouses,children,authorityfigures,orthoseoverwhomwe'reinauthority.Peoplemay
havethingstoteachus.Theymayhavemoreinformationthanwehave,andmayappearmoreconfidentorforcefulthanwefeel.Butweareequals.Ourmagicisnot
inthem.Ourmagic,ourlight,isinus.Anditisasbrightalightastheirs.

Wearenotsecondclasscitizens.Byowningourpower,wedon'thavetobecomeaggressiveorcontrolling.Wedon'thavetodiscountothers.Butwedon'tdiscount
ourselveseither.

Today,Iwillownmypowerwithpeople.IwillletmyselfknowwhatIknow,feelwhatIfeel,believewhatIbelieve,andseewhatIsee.Iwillbeopento
changingandlearningfromothersandexperience,butIwilltrustandvalidatemyselftoo.Iwillstandinmyowntruth.

June3
Charity

Weneedhealthyboundariesaboutreceivingmoney,andweneedhealthyboundariesaboutgivingmoney.

Someofusgivemoneyforinappropriatereasons.

Wemaybeashamedbecausewehavemoneyanddon'tbelievewedeserveit.Wemaybelongtoanorganizationthatusesshameasaformofcontroltocoerceus
outofourmoneythattheorganizationwants.

Wecangethookedintogivingmoneytoourchildren,familymembers,orfriendsbecausewehaveearnedorunearnedguilt.Weallowourselvestobefinancially
blackmailed,sometimesbythepeoplewelove.

Thisisnotmoneyfreelygiven,orgiveninhealth.

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Someofusgivemoneyoutofasenseofcaretaking.Wemayhaveexaggeratedfeelingsofresponsibilityforothers,includingfinancialresponsibility.

Wemaybegivingsimplybecausewehavenotlearnedtoownourpowertosaynowhentheanswerisno.

Someofusgivebecausewehopeorbelievepeoplewillloveusifwetakecareofthemfinancially.

Wedonothavetogivemoneytoanyone.Givingmoneyisourchoice.Wedonothavetoallowourselvestobevictimized,manipulated,orcoercedoutofour
money.Wearefinanciallyresponsibleforourselves.Partofbeinghealthyisallowingthosearoundusbefinanciallyresponsibleforthemselves.

Wedonothavetobeashamedabouthavingthemoneythatweearnwedeservetohavethemoneywehavebeengivenwhatevertheamount,withoutfeeling
obligatedtogiveitallaway,orguiltybecauseotherswantwhatwehave.

Charityisablessing.Givingispartofhealthyliving.Wecanlearntodevelophealthyboundariesaroundgiving.

Today,Iwillstrivetobegindevelopinghealthyboundariesaboutgivingmoney.Iunderstandthatgivingismychoice.

June4
TrustingGod

Amarriedcouple,friendsofmine,decidedtomakesomechangesintheirlivingsituation.Theyhadalwayslivedinthecity,andnowtheydecidedtheywantedtolive
inthecountry,onalake.

Theyfoundasmall,lakehome.Itwasn'tthehouseoftheirdreams,butwhentheysoldtheircityhome,theywouldhavemoneytoremodelit.Theyhadsavedsome
money,sotheymovedintotheirlakehomebeforesellingtheircityhome.

Oneyearpassed,andthecityhomedidn'tsell.Myfriendswentthroughmanychangesduringthistime.Theyhad

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timesofpatienceandimpatience.SomedaystheytrustedGodotherdaystheycouldn'tfigureoutwhyGodwasmakingthemwaitsolong,whyGodwouldn'tlet
themmoveforwardwiththeirplan.Thedoorsjustwouldn'tswingwideopen.

Oneday,aneighborcametovisitmyfriends.Hishomeonthelakewasmyfriends'dreamhomeeverythingtheywanted,plusmore.Thefirsttimemyfriendssaw
thishouse,theyadmiredit,wishingtheycouldhaveahomejustlikeit,butthentheyforgotabouttheidea.Theydidn'tbelieveitcouldeverbepossible.

Thereasontheneighborcametovisitmyfriendswasthatheandhiswifehaddecidedtomove.Heofferedmyfriendsthefirstoptiononpurchasinghishome.

Myfriendsacceptedhisoffer,andsignedapurchaseagreement.Withintwomonths,theysoldtheircityhomeandtheirsmallbutadequatelakehome.Ashorttime
later,theymovedintothehomeoftheirdreams.

Sometimes,weexperiencetimesoffrustrationinourlife.Webelievewe'reontrack,trustingGodandourselves,yetthingsdon'tworkout.Wehavefalsestartsand
stops.Thedoorrefusestoswingwideopen.

WemaywonderifGodhasabandonedus,ordoesn'tcare.Wemaynotunderstandwherewe'regoing,orwhatourdirectionis.

Thenonedaywesee:thereasonwedidn'tgetwhatwewantedwasbecauseGodhadsomethingmuchbetterplannedforus.

Today,Iwillpracticepatience.Iwillask,andtrust,myHigherPowertosendmeHisbest.

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June5

Shamecanholdusback,holdusdown,andkeepusstaringatourfeet.
BeyondCodependency

Watchoutforshame.

Manysystemsandpeoplereekofshame.Theyarecontrolledbyshameandmaywantustoplaytheirgamewiththem.Theymaybehopingtohookusandcontrolus
throughshame.

Wedon'thavetofallintotheirshame.Instead,we'lltakethegoodfeelingsselfacceptance,love,andnurturing.

Compulsivebehaviors,sexuallyaddictivebehaviors,overeating,chemicalabuse,andaddictivegamblingareshamebasedbehaviors.Ifweparticipateinthem,wewill
feelashamed.It'sinevitable.Weneedtowatchoutforaddictiveandothercompulsivebehaviorsbecausethosewillimmerseusinshame.

Ourpast,andthebrainwashingwemayhavehadthatimposed"originalshame"uponus,maytrytoputshameonus.Thiscanhappenwhenwe'reallalone,walking
throughthegrocerystoreorjustquietlygoingaboutlivingourlife.Don'tthink....Don'tfeel....Don'tgroworchange....Don'tbealive....Don'tlivelife....Be
ashamed!

Bedonewithshame.Attackshame.Gotowarwithit.Learntorecognizeitandavoiditliketheplague.

Today,Iwilldeliberatelyrefusetogetcaughtupintheshamefloatingaroundintheworld.IfIcannotresistit,Iwillfeelit,acceptit,thenbedonewithit
asquicklyaspossible.God,helpmeknowthatit'sokaytolovemyselfandhelpmetorefusetosubmittoshame.IfIgetoffcourse,helpmelearnto
changeshameintoguilt,correctthebehavior,andmoveforwardwithmylifeinimmediateselflove.

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June6
TheGiftofReadiness

WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.
StepSixofAlAnon

WeprogresstotheSixthStepbyworkingdiligently,tothebestofourability,onthefirstfiveSteps.Thisworkreadiesusforachangeofheart,anopennessto
becomingchangedbyaPowergreaterthanourselvesGod.

Thepathtothiswillingnesscanbelongandhard.Manyofushavetostrugglewithabehaviororfeelingbeforewebecomereadytoletitgo.Weneedtosee,over
andoveragain,thatthecopingdevicethatonceprotectedusisnolongeruseful.

ThedefectsofcharacterreferredtoinStepSixareoldsurvivalbehaviorsthatoncehelpeduscopewithpeople,life,andourselves.Butnowtheyaregettinginour
way,anditistimetobewillingtohavethemremoved.

Trustinthistime.Trustthatyouarebeingreadiedtoletgoofthatwhichisnolongeruseful.Trustthatachangeofheartisbeingworkedoutinyou.

God,helpmebecomereadytoletgoofmydefectsofcharacter.Helpmeknow,inmymindandsoul,thatIamreadytoletgoofmyselfdefeating
behaviors,theblocksandbarrierstomylife.

June7
IntoOrbit

Itdoesn'tmatterifthey'rehurtingthemselves.Itdoesn'tmatterthatwecouldhelpthemifthey'donlylistento,andcooperatewith,us.ITDOESN'TMATTER,DOESN'TMATTER,
DOESN'TMATTER,DOESN'TMATTER.
CodependentNoMore

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IthinkIcanchangehim.Nobody'severreallylovedhimandappreciatedhimbefore.I'llbetheonetodothat,andthenhe'llchange....She'sneverbeenwith
anybodytrustworthybefore.I'llprovehowtrustworthyIam,andthenshe'llbeabletolove....Nobody'sbeenabletogettoher,toconquerher,before.I'llbethe
onetodothat....Nobody'severreallygivenhimachance....Nobody'severreallybelievedinhimbefore....

Thesearewarningsigns.Redlights.Redflags.Infact,ifwe'rethinkingthesethoughts,theyneedtobestopsigns.

Ifwehavegottenhookedintobelievingthatsomehowwewillbetheonewhowillmakethedifferenceinsomeone'slife,ifwearetryingtoprovehowgoodwecan
beforsomeone,wemaybeintrouble.

Thisisagame.Adeception.Itwon'twork.It'llmakeuscrazy.Wecantrustthat.We'renotseeingthingsclearly.Something'sgoingonwithus.

Itwillbeselfdefeating.

Wemaybe''theone''allrighttheonetowindupvictimized.

Thewholethoughtpatternreeksofcodependency,ofnotbeingresponsibleforoneself,andofvictimization.Eachpersonneedstodohisorherownwork.

Nobodyinthepasthasreallyunderstoodhim....NobodyhasseenwhatIseeinher....It'sasetup.Itsetsusuptostoppayingattentiontoourselveswhilewe
focustoomuchontheotherperson.Ittakesusawayfromourpathandoftenputsusinorbit.

Nobodyhasappreciatedhimenough....Nobodyhasbeengoodenoughtoher,ordoneforherwhatIcando....It'sarescue.It'sagamemove,agamewedon't
havetoplay.Wedon'thavetoprovewe'retheone.Ifwe'reouttoshowpeoplewe'rethebestthingthateverhappenedtothem,itmaybetimetoseeifthey'rethe
bestthingthateverhappenedtous.

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Wehavenotbeenappointedasguardianangel,godmother,godfather,or"theonewhowill"

Thehelp,support,andencouragementthattrulybenefitsothersandourselvesemergesnaturally.Letit.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtomeetdysfunctionalchallengesinmyrelationships.

June8
Fun

Havesomefunwithlife,withtheday.

Lifeisnotdrudgerythatisanoldbelief.Letgoofit.Weareonanadventure,ajourney.Eventswillcometopassthatwecannotnowfathom.

Replaceheavinessandwearinessofspiritwithjoy.Surroundyourselfwithpeopleandthingsthatbringlightnessofspirit.

Becomesensitivetolightnessofspirit.

Thejourneycanbeanexcitingadventure.Letyourselfenjoyit.

Today,Iwillhavesomefunwithlife,withrecovery,withpeople,andwithmyday.

June9
Panic
Fewsituationsnomatterhowgreatlytheyappeartodemanditcanbebetteredbyusgoingbeserk.
CodependentNoMore

Don'tpanic!

Ifaswimmerwascrossingagreatlake,thensuddenlyfocusedtooheavilyonthedistanceremaining,hemightstarttoflounderandgoundernotbecausehecouldn't
swim,butbecausehebecameoverwhelmedbypanic.

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Panic,notthetask,istheenemy.

Manyofushavemomentswhenwefeelcrowdedandoverwhelmed.Wehavetimeswhenwefeellikewecannotpossiblyaccomplishallthatneedstobedone.

Wemaybefacingataskatwork,animprovementinourselves,orchangeinourfamilylife.

Foramoment,itishelpfultolookforwardandenvisiontheproject.Itisnormal,whenwelookaheadatwhatneedstobedone,tohavemomentsofpanic.Feelthe
fear,thenletitgo.Takeoureyesoffthefutureandtheenormityofthetask.Ifwehaveenvisionedthegoal,itwillbeours.Wedonothavetodoeverythingtoday,or
atonce.

Focusontoday.Focusonthebeliefthatalliswell.Allweneedtodotoreachourgoalistofocusonwhatpresentsitselfnaturally,andinanorderlyway,toustoday.
Weshallbeempoweredtoaccomplish,peacefully,whatweneedtogetwherewewanttobetomorrow.

Panicwillstopthisprocess.Trustandguidedactionwillfurtherit.Breathedeeply.Getpeaceful.Trust.Actasguided,today.

Wecangetbackontrackbytreadingwateruntilweregainourcomposure.Oncewefeelpeaceful,wecanbeginswimmingagain,withconfidence.Keepthefocus
simple,ononestroke,onemovementatatime.Ifwecanmakeonemovement,wehaveprogressed.Ifwegettired,wecanfloatbutonlyifwearerelaxed.Before
weknowit,weshallreachtheshore.

Today,Iwillbelievethatalliswell.Iambeingled,butIshallonlybeledonedayatatime.Iwillfocusmyenergyonlivingthisdaytothebestofmy
ability.Ifpanicarises,Iwillstopallactivityanddealwithpanicasaseparateissue.

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June10
Responsibility

Selfcaremeanstakingresponsibilityforourselves.Takingresponsibilityforourselvesincludesassumingourtrueresponsibilitiestoothers.

Sometimes,whenwebeginrecovery,we'reworndownfromfeelingresponsibleforsomanyotherpeople.Learningthatweneedonlytakeresponsibilityfor
ourselvesmaybesuchagreatreliefthat,foratime,wedisownourresponsibilitiestoothers.

Thegoalinrecoveryistofindthebalance:wetakeresponsibilityforourselves,andweidentifyourtrueresponsibilitiestoothers.

Thismaytakesomesortingthrough,especiallyifwehavefunctionedforyearsondistortednotionsaboutourresponsibilitiestoothers.Wemayberesponsibletoone
personasafriendorasanemployeetoanotherperson,we'reresponsibleasanemployerorasaspouse.Witheachperson,wehavecertainresponsibilities.When
wetendtothosetrueresponsibilities,wellfindbalanceinourlife.

Wearealsolearningthatwhileothersaren'tresponsibleforus,theyareaccountabletousincertainways.

Wecanlearntodiscernourtrueresponsibilitiesforourselves,andtoothers.Wecanallowotherstoberesponsibleforthemselvesandexpectthemtobe
appropriatelyresponsibletous.

We'llneedtobegentlewithourselveswhilewelearn.

Today,Iwillstriveforclearthinkingaboutmyactualresponsibilitiestoothers.Iwillassumetheseresponsibilitiesaspartoftakingcareofmyself.

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June11
MovingForward

Muchaswewouldlike,wecannotbringeveryonewithusonthisjourneycalledrecovery.Wearenotbeingdisloyalbyallowingourselvestomoveforward.We
don'thavetowaitforthosewelovetodecidetochangeaswell.

Sometimesweneedtogiveourselvespermissiontogrow,eventhoughthepeoplewelovearenotreadytochange.Wemayevenneedtoleavepeoplebehindintheir
dysfunctionorsufferingbecausewecannotrecoverforthem.Wedon'tneedtosufferwiththem.

Itdoesn'thelp.

Itdoesn'thelpforustostaystuckjustbecausesomeoneweloveisstuck.Thepotentialforhelpingothersisfargreaterwhenwedetach,workonourselves,andstop
tryingtoforceotherstochangewithus.

Changingourselves,allowingourselvestogrowwhileothersseektheirownpath,ishowwehavethemostbeneficialimpactonpeoplewelove.We'reaccountable
forourselves.They'reaccountableforthemselves.Weletthemgo,andletourselvesgrow.

Today,Iwillaffirmthatitismyrighttogrowandchange,eventhoughsomeoneIlovemaynotbegrowingandchangingalongsideme.

June12
SpontaneityandFun

Practicebeingspontaneous.Practicehavingfun.

Thejoyofrecoveryisthatwefinallygettoexperiment.Wegettolearnnewbehaviors,andwedon'thavetodothemperfectly.Weonlyneedtofindawaythat
worksforus.Weevenhavefunexperimenting,learningwhatwelike,andhowtodowhatwelike.

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Manyofushavegottenintoarutwithrigidity,martyrdom,anddeprivation.Oneofthe"normal"experiencesmanyofushavebeendeprivedofishavingfun.Another
oneisbeingspontaneous.Wemaynothavethefoggiestnotionwhatwewouldliketodoforfun.Andwemayholdourselvesinchecksotightlythatwewouldn't
allowourselvestotrysomethingfun,anyway.

Wecanletourselvesgoalittlenowandthen.Wecanloosenupabit.Wedon'thavetobesostiffandrigid,sofrightenedaboutbeingwhoweare.Takesomerisks.
Trysomenewactivities.Whatwouldweliketodo?Whatmightweenjoydoing?Then,takeanotherrisk.Pickoutamoviewe'dliketoseecallafriend,andinvite
himorhertogoalong.Ifthatpersonsaysno,trysomeoneelse,ortryagainanothertime.

Decidetotrysomething,thengothroughwithit.Goonce.Gotwice.Practicehavingfununtilfunbecomesfun.

Today,Iwilldosomethingjustforfun.IwillpracticehavingfununtilIactuallyenjoyit.

June13
HangingontoOldRelationships

Wewanttotravelbaggagefreeonthisjourney.Itmakesthetripeasier.

Someofthebaggagewecanletgoofislingeringfeelingsandunfinishedbusinesswithpastrelationships:angerresentmentsfeelingsofvictimization,hurt,orlonging.

Ifwehavenotputclosureonarelationship,ifwecannotwalkawayinpeace,wehavenotyetlearnedourlesson.Thatmaymeanwewillhavetohaveanothergo
aroundwiththatlessonbeforewearereadytomoveon.

WemaywanttodoaFourthStep(awritteninventoryofourrelationships)andaFifthStep(anadmissionofourwrongs).Whatfeelingsdidweleavewithina
particular

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relationship?Arewestillcarryingthosefeelingsaround?Dowewanttheheavinessandimpactofthatbaggageonourbehaviortoday?

Arewestillfeelingvictimized,rejected,orbitteraboutsomethingthathappenedtwo,five,ten,oreventwentyyearsago?

Itmaybetimetoletitgo.Itmaybetimetoopenourselvestothetruelessonfromthatexperience.Itmaybetimetoputpastrelationshipstorest,sowearefreetogo
ontonew,morerewardingexperiences.

Wecanchoosetoliveinthepast,orwecanchoosetofinishouroldbusinessfromthepastandopenourselvestothebeautyoftoday.

Letgoofyourbaggagefrompastrelationships.

Today,Iwillopenmyselftothecleansingandhealingprocessthatwillputclosureonyesterdayandopenmetothebesttoday,andtomorrow,hastooffer
inmyrelationships.

June14
LettingGoofTiming

Whenthetimeisright,child.Whenthetimeisright.Howoftenhaveweheardthosewordsfromafriend,asponsor,ourHigherPower?

Wewantthingssobadlythatjob,thatcheck,arelationship,apossession.Wewantourlifetochange.

Sowewait,sometimespatiently,sometimesanxiously,wonderingallthewhile:WhenwillthefuturebringmewhatIlongfor?WillIbehappythen?

Wetrytopredict,circlingdatesonthecalendar,askingquestions.Weforgetthatwedon'tholdtheanswers.TheanswerscomefromGod.Ifwelistenclosely,well
hearthem.Whenthetimeisright,child.Whenthetimeisright.

Behappynow.

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Today,Iwillrelax.Iambeingprepared.Icanletgooftiming.Icanstopmanipulatingoutcomes.Goodthingswillhappenwhenthetimeisright,andthey
willhappennaturally.

June15
CompetitionBetweenMartyrs

"Yes,Iknowyourspouseisanalcoholic,butmysonisanalcoholic,andthat'sdifferent.That'sworse!"

Mypainisgreaterthanyours!

Whataneasytrapthatcanbeforus.Weareouttoshowothershowvictimizedwehavebeen,howmuchwehurt,howunfairlifeis,andwhatatremendousmartyr
weare.Andwewon'tbehappyuntilwedo!

Wedon'tneedtoproveourpainandsufferingtoanyone.Weknowwehavebeeninpain.Weknowwehavesuffered.Mostofushavebeenlegitimatelyvictimized.
Manyofushavehaddifficult,painfullessonstolearn.

Thegoalinrecoveryisnottoshowothershowmuchwehurtorhavehurt.Thegoalistostopourpain,andtosharethatsolutionwithothers.

Ifsomeonebeginstryingtoprovetoushowmuchheorshehurts,wecansaysimply,"Itsoundslikeyou'vebeenhurt!"Maybeallthatpersonislookingforis
validationofhisorherpain.

Ifwefindourselvestryingtoprovetosomeonehowmuchwe'vebeenhurtorifwetrytotopsomeoneelse'spain,wemaywanttostopandfigureoutwhat'sgoing
on.Doweneedtorecognizehowmuchwe'vehurtorarehurting?

Thereisnoparticularawardorrewardforsuffering,asmanyofustrickedourselvesintobelievingintheheightofourcodependency.Therewardislearningtostop
thepainandmoveintojoy,peace,andfulfillment.

Thatisthegiftofrecovery,anditisequallyavailabletoeachofus,evenifourpainwasgreater,orless,thansomeoneelse's.

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God,helpmebegratefulforallmylessons,eventheonesthatcausedmethemostpainandsuffering.HelpmelearnwhatIneedtolearn,soIcanstopthe
paininmylife.Helpmefocusonthegoalofrecovery,ratherthanthepainthatmotivatedmeintoit

June16
FeelingGood

Havingboundariesdoesn'tcomplicatelifeboundariessimplifylife.
BeyondCodependency

Thereisapositiveaspecttoboundarysetting.Welearntolistentoourselvesandidentifywhathurtsusandwhatwedon'tlike.Butwealsolearntoidentifywhatfeels
good.

Whenwearewillingtotakesomerisksandbeginactivelydoingso,wewillenhancethequalityofourlife.

Whatdowelike?Whatfeelsgood?Whatbringsuspleasure?Whosecompanydoweenjoy?Whathelpsustofeelgoodinthemorning?What'sarealtreatinour
life?Whatarethesmall,dailyactivitiesthatmakeusfeelnurturedandcaredfor?

Whatappealstoouremotional,spiritual,mental,andphysicalself?Whatactuallyfeelsgoodtous?

Wehavedeprivedourselvestoolong.Thereisnoneedtodothatanymore,noneed.Ifitfeelsgood,andtheconsequencesareselflovingandnotselfdefeating,do
it!

Today,Iwilldoformyselfthoselittlethingsthatmakelifemorepleasurable.Iwillnotdenymyselfhealthytreats.

June17
Surrender

Masterthelessonsofyourpresentcircumstances.

Wedonotmoveforwardbyresistingwhatisundesirable

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inourlifetoday.Wemoveforward,wegrow,wechangebyacceptance.

Avoidanceisnotthekeysurrenderopensthedoor.

Listentothistruth:Weareeachinourpresentcircumstancesforareason.Thereisalesson,avaluablelesson,thatmustbelearnedbeforewecanmoveforward.

Somethingimportantisbeingworkedoutinus,andinthosearoundus.Wemaynotbeabletoidentifyittoday,butwecanknowthatitisimportant.Wecanknowit
isgood.

Overcomenotbyforce,overcomebysurrender.Thebattleisfought,andwon,insideourselves.Wemustgothroughituntilwelearn,untilweaccept,untilwe
becomegrateful,untilwearesetfree.

Today,Iwillbeopentothelessonsofmypresentcircumstances.Idonothavetolabel,know,orunderstandwhatI'mlearningIwillseeclearlyintime.
Fortoday,trustandgratitudearesufficient.

June18
BeingVulnerable

Partofrecoverymeanslearningtoshareourselveswithotherpeople.Welearntoadmitourmistakesandexposeourimperfectionsnotsothatotherscanfixus,
rescueus,orfeelsorryforus,butsowecanloveandacceptourselves.Thissharingisacatalystinhealingandchanging.

Manyofusarefearfulofsharingourimperfectionsbecausethatmakesusvulnerable.Someofushavetriedbeingvulnerableinthepast,andpeopletriedtocontrol,
manipulate,orexploitus,ortheymadeusfeelashamed.

Someofusinrecoveryhavehurtourselvesbybeingvulnerable.Wemayhavesharedthingswithpeoplewhodidn'trespectourconfidence.Orwemayhavetoldthe
wrongpeopleataninappropriatetime,andscaredthemaway.

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Welearnfromourmistakesanddespiteourmistakes,itisstillagoodthingtoallowourselvestobevulnerableandhonest.Wecanlearntochoosesafepeoplewith
whomtoshareourselves.Wecanlearntoshareappropriately,sowedon'tscareorpushpeopleaway.Wecanalsolearntoletothersbevulnerablewithus.

Today,God,helpmelearntobeappropriatelyvulnerable.Iwillnotletothersexploitorshamemeforbeingvulnerable,andIwillnotexploitmyself.

June19
MakingLifeEasier

Lifedoesn'thavetobehard.

Yes,therearetimesweneedtoendure,strugglethrough,andrelyonoursurvivalskills.Butwedon'thavetomakelife,growth,recovery,change,orourdaytoday
affairsthathardallthetime.

Havinglifebethathardisaremnantofourmartyrdom,aleftoverfromoldwaysofthinking,feeling,andbelieving.Weareworthy,evenwhenlifeisn'tthathard.Our
valueandwortharenotdeterminedbyhowhardwestruggle.Ifwe'remakingitthathard,wemaybemakingitharderthanitneedstobe,saidonewoman.Learnto
letthingshappeneasilyandnaturally.Learntoletevents,andourparticipationinthem,fallintoplace.Itcanbeeasynow.Easierthanithasbeen.Wecangowiththe
flow,taketheworldoffourshoulders,andletourHigherPowereaseusintowhereweneedtobe.

Today,Iwillstopstrugglingsohard.Iwillletgoofmybeliefthatlifeandrecoveryhavetobehard.IwillreplaceitwithabeliefthatIcanwalkthis
journeyineaseandpeace.Andsometimes,itcanactuallybefun.

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June20
RelationshipMartyrs

Manyofushavegonesonumbanddiscountedourfeelingssocompletelythatwehavegottenoutoftouchwithourneedsinrelationships.

Wecanlearntodistinguishwhosecompanyweenjoy,whetherwe'retalkingaboutfriends,businessacquaintances,dates,orspouses.Weallneedtointeractwith
peoplewemightprefertoavoid,butwedon'thavetoforceourselvesthroughlongtermorintimaterelationshipswiththesepeople.

Wearefreetochoosefriends,dates,spouses.Wearefreetochoosehowmuchtimewespendwiththosepeoplewecan'talwayschoosetobearound,suchas
relatives.Thisisourlife.Thisisit.Wecandecidehowwewanttospendourdaysandhours.We'renotenslaved.We'renottrapped.Andnotoneofusiswithout
options.Wemaynotseeouroptionsclearly.Althoughwemayhavetostrugglethroughshameandlearntoownourpower,wecanlearntospendourvaluablehours
anddayswiththepeopleweenjoyandchoosetobewith.

God,helpmevaluemytimeandlife.HelpmeplacevalueonhowIfeelbeingaroundcertainpeople.GuidemeasIlearntodevelophealthy,intimate,
sharingrelationshipswithpeople.Helpmegivemyselfthefreedomtoexperiment,explore,andlearnwhoIamandwhoIcanbeinmyrelationships.

June21
TheGoodFeelings

Letyourselffeelthegoodfeelingstoo.

Yes,sometimesgoodfeelingscanbeasdistractingasthepainful,moredifficultones.Yes,goodfeelingscanbeanxietyproducingtothoseofusunaccustomedto
them.Butgoaheadandfeelthegoodfeelingsanyway.

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Feelandacceptthejoy.Thelove.Thewarmth.Theexcitement.Thepleasure.Thesatisfaction.Theelation.Thetenderness.Thecomfort.

Letyourselffeelthevictory,thedelight.

Letyourselffeelcaredfor.

Letyourselffeelrespected,important,andspecial.

Theseareonlyfeelings,buttheyfeelgood.Theyarefullofpositive,upbeatenergyandwedeservetofeelthatwhenitcomesourway.

Wedon'thavetorepress.Wedon'thavetotalkourselvesoutoffeelinggoodnotforamoment.

Ifwefeelit,it'soursforthemoment.Ownit.Ifit'sgood,enjoyit.

Today,God,helpmebeopentothejoyandgoodfeelingsavailabletome.

June22
WorkHistories

Justaswehaverelationshiphistories,mostofushaveworkhistories.

Justaswehaveapresentcircumstancetoacceptanddealwithinourrelationshiplife,wehaveapresentcircumstancetodealwithandacceptinourworklife.

Justaswedevelopahealthyattitudetowardourrelationshiphistoryonethatwillhelpuslearnandmoveforwardwecandevelopahealthyattitudetowardour
workhistory.

Ihaveworkedmanyjobsinmylife,sinceIwaselevenyearsold.JustasIhavelearnedmanythingsaboutmyselfthroughmyrelationships,Ihavelearnedmany
lessonsthroughmywork.Often,theselessonsrunparalleltothelessonsI'mlearninginotherareasofmylife.

IhaveworkedatjobsIhatedbutwastemporarilydependenton.IhavegottenstuckinjobsbecauseIwasafraidtostrikeoutonmyownandfindmynextsetof
circumstances.

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Ihavebeeninsomejobstodevelopskills.Sometimes,Ididn'tknowIwasdevelopingthoseskillsuntillateronwhentheybecameanimportantpartofthecareerof
mychoice.

IhaveworkedatjobswhereIhavefeltvictimized,whereIfeltlikeIgaveandgaveandreceivednothinginreturn.IhavebeeninrelationshipswhereImanufactured
similarfeelings.

IhaveworkedatsomejobsthathavetaughtmewhatIabsolutelydidn'twantotherssparkedinmeanideaofwhatIreallydidwantanddeserveinmycareer.

Someofmyjobshavehelpedmedevelopcharacterothershavehelpedmefinetuneskills.Theyhaveallbeenaplacetopracticerecoverybehaviors.

JustasIhavehadtodealwithmyfeelingsandmessagesaboutmyselfinrelationships,Ihavehadtodealwithmyfeelingsandmessagesaboutmyself,andwhatI
believedIdeservedatwork.

JustasIhaveneededtoclearthewreckageoffeelingsaboutpastrelationships,Ihaveneededtofinishmybusinesswithjobsandcareers.

Ihavebeenthroughtwomajorcareerchangesinmylife.Ilearnedthatneithercareerwasamistakeandnojobwaswastedtime.Ihavelearnedsomethingfromeach
job,andmyworkhistoryhashelpedcreatewhoIam.

Ilearnedsomethingelse:therewasaPlan,andIwasbeingled.ThemoreItrustedmyinstincts,whatIwanted,andwhatfeltright,themoreIfeltthatIwasbeingled.

ThemoreIrefusedtolosemysoultoajobandworkedatitbecauseIwantedtoandnotforthepaycheck,thelessvictimizedIfeltbyanycareer,eventhosejobs
thatpaidameagersalary.ThemoreIsetgoalsandtookresponsibilityforachievingthecareerIwanted,themoreIcoulddecidewhetheraparticularjobfitintothat
schemeofthings.IcouldunderstandwhyIwasworkingataparticularjobandhowthatwasgoingtobenefitme.

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TherearetimesIhavepanickedatworkandaboutwhereIwasinmyemploymenthistory.Panicneverhelped.Trustandworkingmyprogramdid.

ThereweretimesIlookedaroundandwonderedwhyIwaswhereIwas.ThereweretimespeoplethoughtIshouldbesomeplacedifferent.ButwhenIlookedinto
myselfandatGod,IknewIwasintherightplace,forthemoment.

ThereweretimesIdidn'tgetthepromotionIwanted.ThereweretimesIrefusedapromotionbecauseitdidn'tfeelright.

TherearetimesIhavehadtoquitajobandwalkawayinordertobetruetomyself.Sometimes,thatwasfrightening.Sometimes,Ifeltlikeafailure.ButIlearnedthis:
IfIwasworkingmyprogramandtruetomyself,IneverhadtofearwhereIwasbeingled.

TherehavebeentimesIcouldn'tsurviveonthesmallamountofmoneyIwasreceiving.Insteadofbringingthatissuetoaparticularemployerandmakingithisorher
fault,IhavehadtolearntobringtheissuetomyselfandmyHigherPower.I'velearnedI'mresponsibleforsettingmyboundariesandestablishingwhatIbelieveI
deserve.I'vealsolearnedGod,notaparticularemployer,ismysourceofguidance.

I'velearnedthatI'mnotstuckortrappedinajobnomorethanIaminarelationship.Ihavechoices.Imaynotbeabletoseethemclearlyrightnow,butIdohave
choices.I'velearnedthatifIreallywanttotakecareofmyselfinaparticularwayonajob,Iwilldothat.AndifIreallywanttobevictimizedbyajob,Iwillallowthat
tohappentoo.

Iamresponsibleformychoices,andIhavechoices.

Aboveallelse,I'velearnedtoacceptandtrustmypresentcircumstancesatwork.Thatdoesnotmeantosubmititdoes

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notmeantoforegoboundaries.Itmeanstotrust,accept,thentakecareofmyselfthebestI'mabletoonanygivenday.

God,helpmebringmyrecoverybehaviorstomycareeraffairs.

June23
LettingGoofOldBeliefs

Tryharder.Dobetter.Beperfect.

Thesemessagesaretricksthatpeoplehaveplayedonus.Nomatterhowhardwetry,wethinkwehavetodobetter.Perfectionalwayseludesusandkeepsus
unhappywiththegoodwe'vedone.

Messagesofperfectionismaretricksbecausewecanneverachievetheirgoal.Wecannotfeelgoodaboutourselvesorwhatwehavedonewhilethesemessagesare
drivingus.Wewillneverbegoodenoughuntilwechangethemessagesandtellourselveswearegoodenoughnow.

Wecanstartapprovingofandacceptingourselves.Whoweareisgoodenough.Ourbestyesterdaywasgoodenoughourbesttodayisplentygoodtoo.

Wecanbewhoweare,anddoitthewaywedoittoday.Thatistheessenceofavoidingperfection.

God,helpmeletgoofthemessagesthatdrivemeintothecrazies.IwillgivemyselfpermissiontobewhoIamandletthatbegoodenough.

June24
Detachment

Detachmentdoesn'tcomenaturallyformanyofus.Butoncewerealizethevalueofthisrecoveryprinciple,weunderstandhowvitaldetachmentis.Thefollowingstory
illustrateshowawomancametounderstanddetachment.

''ThefirsttimeIpracticeddetachmentwaswhenIletgoofmyalcoholichusband.Hehadbeendrinkingforseven

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yearssinceIhadmarriedhim.Forthatlong,Ihadbeendenyinghisalcoholismandtryingtomakehimstopdrinking.

''Ididoutrageousthingstomakehimstopdrinking,tomakehimseethelight,tomakehimrealizehowmuchhewashurtingme.IreallythoughtIwasdoingthings
rightbytryingtocontrolhim.

"Onenight,Isawthingsclearly.Irealizedthatmyattemptstocontrolhimwouldneversolvetheproblem.Ialsosawthatmylifewasunmanageable.Icouldn'tmake
himdoanythinghedidn'twanttodo.Hisalcoholismwascontrollingme,eventhoughIwasn'tdrinking.

"Isethimfree,todoashechose.Thetruthis,hedidashepleasedanyway.ThingschangedthenightIdetached.Hecouldfeelit,andsocouldI.WhenIsethimfree,
Isetmyselffreetolivemyownlife.

"I'vehadtopracticetheprincipleofdetachmentmanytimessincethen.I'vehadtodetachfromunhealthypeopleandhealthypeople.It'sneverfailed.Detachment
works"

Detachmentisagift.Itwillbegiventouswhenwe'rereadyforit.Whenwesettheotherpersonfree,wearesetfree.

Today,whereverpossible,Iwilldetachinlove.

June25
Withholding

Sometimes,toprotectourselves,wecloseourselvesofffromapersonwe'reinarelationshipwith.Ourbodymaybepresent,butwe'renot.We'renotavailableto
participateintherelationship.

Weshutdown.

Sometimes,itisappropriateandhealthytoshutdowninarelationship.Wemaylegitimatelyneedsometimeout.

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Sometimesitisselfdefeatingtocloseourselvesoffinarelationship.

Tostopbeingvulnerable,honest,andpresentforanotherpersoncanputanendtotherelationship.Theotherpersoncandonothingintherelationshipwhenweare
gone.Closingourselvesmakesusunavailabletothatrelationship.

Itiscommontogothroughtemporaryperiodsofclosingdowninarelationship.Butitisunhealthytomakethisanongoingpractice.Itmaybeoneofourrelationship
sabotagingdevices.

Beforeweclosedown,weneedtoaskourselveswhatwearehopingtoaccomplishbyshuttingdown.Doweneedsometimetodeal?Toheal?Togrow?Tosort
throughthings?Doweneedtimeoutfromthisrelationship?Orarewerevertingtoouroldwayshiding,running,andterminatingrelationshipsbecauseweareafraid
wecannottakecareofourselvesinanyotherway?

Doweneedtoshutdownbecausetheotherpersontrulyisn'tsafe,ismanipulating,lying,oractingoutaddictivelyorabusively?Areweshuttingdownbecausethe
otherpersonhasshutdownandwenolongerwanttobeavailable?

Shuttingdown,shuttingoff,closingourselvesandremovingouremotionalpresencefromarelationshipisapowerfultool.Weneedtouseitcarefullyandresponsibly.
Toachieveintimacyandclosenessinarelationship,weneedtobepresentemotionally.Weneedtobeavailable.

God,helpmebeemotionallypresentintherelationshipsIchoosetobein.

June26
SurvivingSlumps

Aslumpcangoonfordays.Wefeelsluggish,unfocused,andsometimesoverwhelmedwithfeelingswecan'tsortout.Wemaynotunderstandwhatisgoingonwith
us.Evenour

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attemptstopracticerecoverybehaviorsmaynotappeartowork.Westilldon'tfeelemotionally,mentally,andspirituallyasgoodaswewouldlike.

Inaslump,wemayfindourselvesrevertinginstinctivelytooldpatternsofthinking,feeling,andbehaving,evenwhenweknowbetter.Wemayfindourselves
obsessing,evenwhenweknowthatwhatwe'redoingisobsessingandthatitdoesn'twork.

Wemayfindourselveslookingfranticallyforotherpeopletomakeusfeelbetter,thewholetimeknowingourhappinessandwellbeingdoesnotlaywithothers.

Wemaybegintakingthingspersonallythatarenotourissues,andreactinginwayswe'velearnedalltoowelldonotwork.

We'reinaslump.Itwon'tlastforever.Theseperiodsarenormal,evennecessary.Thesearethedaystogetthrough.Thesearethedaystofocusonrecovery
behaviors,whetherornottherewardsoccurimmediately.Thesearesometimesthedaystoletourselvesbeandloveourselvesasmuchaswecan.

Wedon'thavetobeashamed,nomatterhowlongwe'vebeenrecovering.Wedon'thavetounreasonablyexpect"more"fromourselves.Wedon'teverhaveto
expectourselvestolivelifeperfectly.

Getthroughtheslump.Itwillend.Sometimes,aslumpcangoonfordaysandthen,inthecourseofanhour,weseeourselvespulloutofitandfeelbetter.Sometimes
itcanlastalittlelonger.

Practiceonerecoverybehaviorinonesmallarea,andbegintoclimbuphill.Soon,theslumpwilldisappear.Wecanneverjudgewherewewillbetomorrowbywhere
wearetoday.

Today,Iwillfocusonpracticingonerecoverybehaviorononeofmyissues,trustingthatthispracticewillmovemeforward.Iwill

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rememberthatacceptance,gratitude,anddetachmentareagoodplacetobegin.

June27
AchievingHarmony

Whenapianistlearnsanewpieceofmusic,heorshedoesnotsitdownandinstantlyplayitperfectly.Apianistoftenneedstopracticeeachhand'sworkseparately
tolearnthefeel,tolearnthesound.Onehandpicksoutapartuntilthereisarhythmandeaseinplayingwhatisdifficult.Then,themusicianpracticeswiththeother
hand,pickingthroughthenotes,onebyone,untilthathandlearnsitstasks.Wheneachhandhaslearneditspartthesound,thefeel,therhythm,thetonesthen
bothhandscanplaytogether.

Duringthetimeofpractice,themusicmaynotsoundlikemuch.Itmaysounddisconnected,notparticularlybeautiful.Butwhenbothhandsarereadytoplaytogether,
musiciscreatedawholepiececomestogetherinharmonyandbeauty.

Whenwebeginrecovery,itmayfeellikewespendmonths,evenyears,practicingindividual,seeminglydisconnectedbehaviorsintheseparatepartsofourlife.

Wetakeournewskillsintoourwork,ourcareer,andbegintoapplythemslowly,makingourworkrelationshipshealthierforus.Wetakeourskillsintoour
relationships,sometimesonerelationshipatatime.Westrugglethroughournewbehaviorsinourloverelationships.

Onepartatatime,wepracticeournewmusicnotebynote.WeworkonourrelationshipwithourHigherPowerourspirituality.Weworkatlovingourselves.We
workatbelievingwedeservethebest.Weworkonourfinances.Onourrecreation.Sometimesonourappearance.Sometimesonourhome.

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Weworkonfeelings.Onbeliefs.Onbehaviors.Lettinggooftheold,acquiringthenew.Weworkandworkandwork.Wepractice.Westrugglethrough.Wego
fromoneextremetotheother,andsometimesbackthroughthecourseagain.Wemakealittleprogress,gobackward,andthengoforwardagain.

Itmayallseemdisconnected.Itmaynotsoundlikeaharmonious,beautifulpieceofmusicjustisolatednotes.Thenoneday,somethinghappens.Webecomeready
toplaywithbothhands,toputthemusictogether.

Whatwehavebeenworkingtoward,notebynote,becomesasong.Thatsongisawholelife,acompletelife,alifeinharmony.

Themusicwillcometogetherinourlifeifwekeeppracticingtheparts.

Today,Iwillpracticemyrecoverybehaviorsthroughtheindividualpartsofmylife.Itrustthat,oneday,thingswillcometogetherinafull,completesong.

June28
WhenThingsDon'tWork

Frequently,whenfacedwithaproblem,wemayattempttosolveitinaparticularway.Whenthatwaydoesn'twork,wemaycontinuetryingtosolvetheproblemin
thatsameway.

Wemaygetfrustrated,tryharder,getmorefrustrated,andthenexertmoreenergyandinfluenceintoforcingthesamesolutionthatwehavealreadytriedandthat
didn'twork.

Thatapproachmakesuscrazy.Ittendstogetusstuckandtrapped.Itisthestuffthatunmanageabilityismadeof.

Wecangetcaughtinthissamedifficultpatterninrelationships,intasks,inanyareaofourlife.Weinitiatesomething,itdoesn'twork,doesn'tflow,wefeelbadly,then

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trythesameapproachharder,eventhoughit'snotworkingandflowing.

Sometimes,it'sappropriatenottogiveupandtotryharder.Sometimes,it'smoreappropriatetoletgo,detach,andstoptryingsohard.

Ifitdoesn'twork,ifitdoesn'tflow,maybelifeistryingtotellussomething.Lifeisagentleteacher.Shedoesn'talwayssendneonroadsignstoguideus.Sometimes,
thesignsaremoresubtle.Somethingnotworkingmaybeasign!

Letgo.Ifwehavebecomefrustratedbyrepeatedeffortsthataren'tproducingdesiredresults,wemaybetryingtoforceourselvesdownthewrongpath.Sometimes,
adifferentsolutionisappropriate.Sometimes,adifferentpathopensup.Often,theanswerwillemergemoreclearlyinthequietnessoflettinggothanitwillinthe
urgency,frustration,anddesperationofpushingharder.

Learntorecognizewhensomethingisn'tworkingorisn'tflowing.Stepbackandwaitforclearguidance.

Today,Iwillnotmakemyselfcrazybyrepeatedlytryingsolutionsthathaveproventhemselvesunsuccessful.Ifsomethingisn'tworking,Iwillstepback
andwaitforguidance.

June29
God'sWill

God'swillmostoftenhappensinspiteofus,notbecauseofus.

WemaytrytosecondguesswhatGodhasinmindforus,looking,searching,hypervigilanttoseekGod'swillasthoughitwereaburiedtreasure,hiddenbeyondour
reach.Ifwefindit,wewintheprize.Butifwe'renotcareful,wemissout.

That'snothowitworks.

Wemaybelievethatwehavetowalkoneggshells,saying,thinking,andfeelingtherightthing,whileforcingourselves

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somehowtobeintherightplaceattherighttimetofindGod'swill.Butthat'snottrue.

God'swillforusisnothiddenlikeaburiedtreasure.Wedonothavetocontrolorforceit.Wedonothavetowalkoneggshellsinordertohaveithappen.

Itisrightthereinsideandaroundus.Itishappening,rightnow.Sometimes,itisquietanduneventfulandincludesthedailydisciplinesofresponsibilityandlearningto
takecareofourselves.Sometimes,itishealinguswhenwe'reincircumstancesthattriggeroldgrievingandunfinishedbusiness.

Sometimes,itisgrand.

Wedohaveapart.Wehaveresponsibilities,includingcaringforourselves.ButwedonothavetocontrolGod'swillforus.Wearebeingtakencareof.Weare
protected.AndthePowercaringforandprotectinguslovesusverymuch.

Ifitisaquietday,trustthestillness.Ifitisadayofaction,trusttheactivity.Ifitistimetowait,trustthepause.Ifitistimetoreceivethatwhichwehavebeenwaiting
for,trustthatitwillhappenclearlyandwithpower,andreceivethegiftinjoy.

Today,IwilltrustthatGod'swillishappeningasitneedstoinmylife.IwillnotmakemyselfanxiousandupsetbysearchingvigorouslyforGod'swill,
takingunnecessaryactionstocontrolthecourseofmydestinyorwonderingifGod'swillhaspassedmebyandIhavemissedit.

June30
AcceptingChange

Oneday,mymotherandIwereworkingtogetherinthegarden.Weweretransplantingsomeplantsforthethirdtime.Grownfromseedinasmallcontainer,theplants
hadbeentransferredtoalargercontainerthentransplantedinto

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thegarden.Now,becauseIwasmoving,weweretransplantingthemagain.

Inexperiencedasagardener,Iturnedtomygreenthumbedmother."Isn'tthisbadforthem?"Iasked,aswedugthemupandshookthedirtfromtheirroots."Won't
ithurttheseplants,beinguprootedandtransplantedsomanytimes?"

"Oh,no,"mymotherreplied."Transplantingdoesn'thurtthem.Infact,it'sgoodfortheonesthatsurvive.That'showtheirrootsgrowstrong.Theirrootswillgrow
deep,andthey'llmakestrongplants."

Often,I'vefeltlikethosesmallplantsuprootedandturnedupsidedown.Sometimes,I'veenduredthechangewillingly,sometimesreluctantly,butusuallymyreaction
hasbeenacombination.

Won'tthisbehardonme?Iask.Wouldn'titbebetterifthingsremainedthesame?That'swhenIremembermymother'swords:That'showtherootsgrowdeepand
strong.

Today,God,helpmerememberthatduringtimesoftransition,myfaithandmyselfarebeingstrengthened.

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July

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July1
Receiving

Hereisanexercise:

Today,letsomeonegivetoyou.Letsomeonedosomethingniceforyou.Letsomeonegiveyouacomplimentortellyousomethinggoodaboutyourself.Letsomeone
helpyou.

Then,standthereandtakeit.Takeitin.Feelit.Knowthatyouareworthyanddeserving.Donotapologize.Donotsay,''Youshouldn'thave."Donotfeelguilty,
afraid,ashamed,andpanicky.Donotimmediatelytrytogivesomethingback.

Justsay,"Thankyou."

Today,Iwillletmyselfreceiveonethingfromsomeoneelse,andIwillletmyselfbecomfortablewiththat.

July2
WhoKnowsBest?

Othersdonotknowwhat'sbestforus.

Wedonotknowwhat'sbestforothers.

Itisourjobtodeterminewhat'sbestforourselves.

"Iknowwhatyouneed"...."Iknowwhatyoushoulddo"...."Nowlisten,thisiswhatIthinkyoushouldbeworkingonrightnow."

Theseareaudaciousstatements,beliefsthattakeusawayfromhowweoperateonaspiritualplaneoflife.Eachofusisgiventheabilitytobeabletodiscernand
detectourownpath,onadailybasis.Thisisnotalwayseasy.Wemayhavetostruggletoreachthatquiet,stillplace.

Givingadvice,makingdecisionsforothers,mappingouttheirstrategy,isnotourjob.Norisittheirjobtodirectus.Evenifwehaveacleancontractwithsomeoneto
helpussuchasinasponsorshiprelationshipwecannottrustthatothersalwaysknowwhatisbestforus.Weareresponsibleforlisteningtotheinformationthat
comestous.Weareresponsibleforaskingforguidanceanddirection.But

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itisourresponsibilitytosiftandsortthroughinformation,andthenlistentoourselvesaboutwhatisbestforus.Nobodycanknowthatbutourselves.

Agreatgiftwecangivetoothersistobeabletotrustinthemthattheyhavetheirownsourceofguidanceandwisdom,thattheyhavetheabilitytodiscernwhatis
bestforthemandtherighttofindthatpathbymakingmistakesandlearning.

Totrustourselvestobeabletodiscoverthroughthatsameimperfectprocessofstruggle,trial,anderrorisagreatgiftwecangiveourselves.

Today,Iwillrememberthatweareeachgiventhegiftofbeingabletodiscoverwhatisbestforourselves.God,helpmetrustthatgift.

July3
Directness

Somuchofourcommunicationcanreflectourneedtocontrol.Wesaywhatwethinkotherswanttohear.Wetrytokeepothersfromgettingangry,feelingafraid,
goingaway,ordislikingus.Butourneedtocontroltrapsusintofeelinglikevictimsandmartyrs.

Freedomisjustafewwordsaway.Thosewordsareourtruths.Wecansaywhatweneedtosay.Wecangently,butassertively,speakourmind.

Letgoofyourneedtocontrol.Wedonotneedtobejudgmental,tactless,blaming,orcruelwhenwespeakourtruths.Neitherdoweneedtohideourlight.Letgo,
andfreelybewhoyouare.

Today,Iwillbehonestwithmyselfandothers,knowingthatifIdon't,mytruthwillcomeoutsomeotherway.

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July4
Celebrate

Taketimetocelebrate.

Celebrateyoursuccesses,yourgrowth,youraccomplishments.Celebrateyouandwhoyouare.

Fortoolongyouhavebeentoohardonyourself.Othershavespilledtheirnegativeenergytheirattitudes,beliefs,painonyou.Ithadnothingtodowithyou!All
along,youhavebeenagifttoyourselfandtotheUniverse.

YouareachildofGod.Beautiful,adelight,ajoy.Youdonothavetotryharder,bebetter,beperfect,orbeanythingyouarenot.Yourbeautyisinyou,justasyou
areeachmoment.

Celebratethat.

Whenyouhaveasuccess,whenyouaccomplishsomething,enjoyit.Pause,reflect,rejoice.Toolongyouhavelistenedtoadmonitionsnottofeelgoodaboutwhat
youhavedone,lestyoutravelthedownwardroadtoarrogance.

Celebrationisahighformofpraise,ofgratitudetotheCreatorforthebeautyofGod'screation.Toenjoyandcelebratethegooddoesnotmeanthatitwillbetaken
fromyou.Tocelebrateistodelightinthegift,toshowgratitude.

Celebrateyourrelationships!Celebratethelessonsfromthepastandtheloveandwarmththatistheretoday.Enjoythebeautyofothersandtheirconnectiontoyou.

Celebrateallthatisinyourlife.Celebrateallthatisgood.Celebrateyou!

Today,Iwillindulgeinthejoyofcelebrating.

July5
SurvivorGuilt

Webeginrecovering.Webegintakingcareofourselves.Ourrecoveryprogramstartstoworkinourlife,andwebegintofeelgoodaboutourselves.

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Thenithits.Guilt.

Wheneverwebegintoexperiencethefullnessandjoyoflife,wemayfeelguiltyaboutthosewe'veleftbehindthosenotrecovering,thosestillinpain.Thissurvivor
guiltisasymptomofcodependency.

Wemaythinkaboutthehusbandwe'vedivorcedwhoisstilldrinking.Wemaydwellonachild,grownoradult,stillinpain.Wemaygetaphonecallfroma
nonrecoveringparentwhorelateshisorhermiserytous.Andwefeelpulledintotheirpain.

Howcanwefeelsohappy,sogood,whenthosewelovearestillinmisery?Canwereallybreakawayandleadsatisfyinglives,despitetheircircumstances?Yes,we
can.

Andyes,ithurtstoleavebehindthosewelove.Butkeepmovingforwardanyway.Bepatient.Otherpeople'srecoveryisnotourjob.Wecannotmakethemrecover.
Wecannotmakethemhappy.

Wemayaskwhywewerechosenforafullerlife.Wemayneverknowtheanswer.Somemaycatchupintheirowntime,buttheirrecoveryisnotourbusiness.The
onlyrecoverywecantrulyclaimisourown.

Wecanletgoofotherswithlove,andloveourselveswithoutguilt.

Today,Iamwillingtoworkthroughmysadnessandguilt.Iwillletmyselfbehealthyandhappy,eventhoughsomeoneIlovehasnotchosenthesame
path.

July6
StepSeven
HumblyaskedGodtoremoveourshortcomings.
StepSevenofAlAnon

IntheSixthandSeventhStepsoftheprogram,webecomewillingtoletgoofourdefectsofcharacterissues,behaviors,

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oldfeelings,unresolvedgrief,andbeliefsthatareblockingusfromthejoythatisours.ThenweaskGodtotakethemfromus.

Isn'tthatsimple?Wedon'thavetocontortourselvestomakeourselveschange.Wedon'thavetoforcechange.Foronce,wedon'thaveto''doitourselves."Allwe
havetodoisstriveforanattitudeofwillingnessandhumility.AllwehavetodoisaskGodforwhatwewantandneed,andthentrustGodtodoforusthatwhichwe
cannotdoanddonothavetodoforourselves.

Wedonothavetowatchwithbatedbreathforhowandwhenweshallchange.Thisisnotaselfhelpprogram.Inthismiraculousandeffectiveprogramthathas
broughtaboutrecoveryandchangeformillions,webecomechangedbyworkingtheSteps.

Today,God,helpmesurrendertorecoveryandtotheprocessbywhichIbecomechanged.HelpmefocusontheStepIneed.Helpmedomypart,relax,
andallowtheresttohappen.

July7
GettingItAllOut

Letyourselfhaveagoodgripesession.
Woman,Sex,andAddiction
CharlotteDavisKasl,Ph.D.

Getitout.Goahead.Getitallout.Oncewebeginrecovery,wemayfeellikeit'snotokaytogripeandcomplain.Wemaytellourselvesthatifwewerereallyworking
agoodprogram,wewouldn'tneedtocomplain.

Whatdoesthatmean?Wewon'thavefeelings?Wewon'tfeeloverwhelmed?Wewon'tneedtoblowoffsteamorworkthroughsomenotsopleasant,notso
perfect,andnotsoprettypartsoflife?

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Wecanletourselvesgetourfeelingsout,takerisks,andbevulnerablewithothers.Wedon'thavetobeallputtogether,allthetime.Thatsoundsmorelike
codependencythanrecovery.

Gettingitalloutdoesn'tmeanweneedtobevictims.Itdoesn'tmeanweneedtorevelinourmisery,findingstatusinourmartyrdom.Itdoesn'tmeanwewon'tgoon
tosetboundaries.Itdoesn'tmeanwewon'ttakecareofourselves.

Sometimes,gettingitalloutisanessentialpartoftakingcareofourselves.Wereachapointofsurrendersowecanmoveforward.

Selfdisclosuredoesnotmeanonlyquietlyreportingourfeelings.Itmeansweoccasionallytaketherisktoshareourhumansidethesidewithfears,sadness,hurt,
rage,unreasonableanger,weariness,orlackoffaith.

Wecanletourhumanityshow.Intheprocess,wegiveotherspermissiontobehumantoo."Together"peoplehavetheirnotsotogethermoments.Sometimes,falling
apartgettingitalloutishowwegetputbacktogether.

Today,IwillletitalloutifIneedarelease.

July8
GoingwiththeFlow

Gowiththeflow.

Letgooffearandyourneedtocontrol.Relinquishanxiety.Letitslipaway,asyoudiveintotheriverofthepresentmoment,theriverofyourlife,yourplaceinthe
universe.

Stoptryingtoforcethedirection.Trynottoswimagainstthecurrent,unlessitisnecessaryforyoursurvival.Ifyou'vebeenclingingtoabranchattheriverside,letgo.

Letyourselfmoveforward.Letyourselfbemovedforward.

Avoidtherapidswhenpossible.Ifyoucan't,stayrelaxed.Stayingrelaxedcantakeyousafelythroughfiercecurrents.

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Ifyougounderforamoment,allowyourselftosurfacenaturally.Youwill.

Appreciatethebeautyofthescenery,asitis.Seethingswithfreshness,withnewness.Youshallneverpassbytoday'ssceneryagain!

Don'tthinktoohardaboutthings.Theflowismeanttobeexperienced.Withinit,careforyourself.Youarepartoftheflow,animportantpart.Workwiththeflow.
Workwithintheflow.Thrashingaboutisn'tnecessary.Lettheflowhelpyoucareforyourself.Letithelpyousetboundaries,makedecisions,andgetyouwhereyou
needtobewhenitistime.

Youcantrusttheflow,andyourpartinit.

Today,Iwillgowiththeflow.

July9
OverspendingandUnderspending
Iusedtobeatmyhusbandtodeathwithmycreditcard.ItmademefeellikeIhadsomecontrol,somewaytogetevenwithhim.
Anonymous

Ispenttenyearsbuyingeverythingformyselfatgaragesales.Ididn'tevenbuymyselfanewpairofshoes.TheentiretimeIwasdeprivingmyself,myhusbandwasgambling,
speculatingonriskybusinessdeals,anddoingwhateverhewantedwithmoney.IlearnedthatwhenImadeadecisionthatIdeservedtohavethethingsIwanted,andmadea
decision

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tobuysomethingIwanted,therewasenoughmoneytodoit.Itwasn'taboutbeingfrugalitwasaboutdeprivingmyself,andbeingamartyr.
Anonymous

Compulsivebuyingoroverspendingmaygiveusatemporaryfeelingofpowerorsatisfaction,butlikeotheroutofcontrolbehaviors,ithaspredictablenegative
consequences.

Underspendingcanleaveusfeelingvictimizedtoo.

Thereisadifferencebetweenresponsiblespendingandmartyreddeprivation.Thereisadifferencebetweentreatingourselveswellfinanciallyandoverspending.We
canlearntodiscernthatdifference.Wecandevelopresponsiblespendinghabitsthatreflecthighselfesteemandloveforourselves.

Today,Iwillstriveforbalanceinmyspendinghabits.IfIamoverspending,Iwillstopanddealwithwhat'sgoingoninsideme.IfIamunderspendingor
deprivingmyself,Iwillaskmyselfifthat'snecessaryandwhatIwant.

July10
EndingRelationships

Ittakescourageandhonestytoendarelationshipwithfriends,lovedones,oraworkrelationship.

Sometimes,itmayappeareasiertolettherelationshipdiefromlackofattentionratherthanriskendingit.Sometimes,itmayappeareasiertolettheotherpersontake
responsibilityforendingtherelationship.

Wemaybetemptedtotakeapassiveapproach.Insteadofsayinghowwefeel,whatwewantordon'twant,orwhatweintendtodo,wemaybeginsabotagingthe
relationship,hopingtoforcetheotherpersontodothedifficultwork.

Thosearewaystoendrelationships,buttheyarenotthecleanestortheeasiestways.

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Aswewalkthispathofselfcare,welearnthatwhenitistimetoendarelationship,theeasiestwayisoneofhonestyanddirectness.Wearenotbeingloving,gentle,
orkindbyavoidingthetruth,ifweknowthetruth.

Wearenotsparingtheotherperson'sfeelingsbysabotagingtherelationshipinsteadofacceptingtheendorthechange,anddoingsomethingaboutit.Weare
prolongingandincreasingthepainanddiscomfortfortheotherpersonandourselves.

Ifwedon'tknow,ifweareonthefence,itismorelovingandhonesttosaythat.

Ifweknowitistimetoterminatearelationship,saythat.

Endingsarenevereasy,butendingsarenotmadeeasybysabotage,indirectness,andlyingaboutwhatwewantandneedtodo.

Saywhatyouneedtosay,inhonestyandlove,whenitistime.Ifwearetrustingandlisteningtoourselves,wewillknowwhattosayandwhentosayit.

Today,Iwillrememberthathonestyanddirectnesswillincreasemyselfesteem.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearaboutowningmypowertotakecareof
myselfinallmyrelationships.

July11

BringanyrequestyouhavetoGod.

Norequestistoolargenonetoosmallorinsignificant.

HowoftenwelimitGodbynotbringingtoGodeverythingwewantandneed.

Doweneedhelpgettingourbalance?Gettingthroughtheday?

Doweneedhelpinaparticularrelationship?Withaparticularcharacterdefect?Attainingacharacterasset?

Doweneedhelpmakingprogressonaparticulartaskthatischallengingus?Doweneedhelpwithafeeling?Dowe

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wanttochangeaselfdefeatingbeliefthathasbeenchallengingus?Doweneedinformation,aninsight?Support?Afriend?

IstheresomethinginGod'sUniversethatwouldreallybringusjoy?

Wecanaskforit.WecanaskGodforwhateverwewant.PuttherequestinGod'shands,trustingithasbeenheard,thenletitgo.LeavethedecisiontoGod.

Askingforwhatwewantandneedistakingcareofourselves.TrustthattheHigherPowertowhomwehaveturnedoverourlifeandwillreallydoescareaboutus
andaboutwhatwewantandneed.

Today,IwillaskmyHigherPowerforwhatIwantandneed.IwillnotdemandIwillask.ThenIwillletgo.

July12
LettingGoofFearofAbandonment

"Whereareyou,God?Wheredidyougo?"

Somanypeoplehavegoneaway.Wemayhavefeltsoalonesomuch.Inthemidstofourstrugglesandlessons,wemaywonderifGodhasgoneawaytoo.

TherearewondrousdayswhenwefeelGod'sprotectionandpresence,leadingandguidingeachstepandevent.Therearegray,drydaysofspiritualbarrennesswhen
wewonderifanythinginourlifeisguidedorplanned.WonderingifGodknowsorcares.

Seekquiettimesonthegraydays.Forcedisciplineandobedienceuntiltheanswercomes,becauseitwill.

"Ihavenotgoneawaychild.Iamhere,always.Restinme,inconfidence.Allinyourlifeisbeingguidedandplanned,eachdetail.Iknow,andIcare.Thingsarebeing
workedoutasquicklyaspossibleforyourhighestgood.Trustandbegrateful.Iamrighthere.Soonyouwillsee,andknow"

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Today,IwillrememberthatGodhasnotabandonedme.IcantrustthatGodisleading,guiding,directing,andplanninginloveeachdetailofmylife.

July13
GodasWeUnderstandGod

Godissubtle,butheisnotmalicious.
AlbertEinstein

RecoveryisanintenselyspiritualprocessthatasksustogrowinourunderstandingofGod.Ourunderstandingmayhavebeenshapedbyearlyreligiousexperiences
orthebeliefsofthosearoundus.WemaywonderifGodisasshamingandfrighteningaspeoplecanbe.WemayfeelasvictimizedorabandonedbyGodaswehave
bypeoplefromourpast.

TryingtounderstandGodmayboggleourmindbecauseofwhatwehavelearnedandexperiencedsofarinourlife.

WecanlearntotrustGod,anyway.

IhavegrownandchangedinmyunderstandingofthisPowergreaterthanmyself.Myunderstandinghasnotgrownonanintellectuallevel,butbecauseofwhatIhave
experiencedsinceIturnedmylifeandmywillovertothecareofGod,asIunderstood,orratherdidn'tunderstand,God.

Godisreal.Loving.Good.Caring.Godwantstogiveusallthegoodwecanhandle.ThemoreweturnourmindandhearttowardapositiveunderstandingofGod,
themoreGodvalidatesus.

ThemorewethankGodforwhoGodis,whoweare,andtheexactnatureofourpresentcircumstances,themoreGodactsinourbehalf.

Infact,allalong,Godplannedtoactinourbehalf.

GodisCreator,Benefactor,andSource.Godhasshownme,beyondallelse,thathowIcometounderstandGodisnotnearlyasimportantasknowingthatGod
understandsme.

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Today,IwillbeopentogrowinginmyunderstandingofmyHigherPower.Iwillbeopentolettinggoofold,limiting,negativebeliefsaboutGod.No
matterhowIunderstandGod,IwillbegratefulthatGodunderstandsme.

July14
WeAreLovable
Evenifthemostimportantpersoninyourworldrejectsyou,youarestillreal,andyouarestillokay.
CodependentNoMore

Doyoueverfindyourselfthinking:Howcouldanyonepossiblyloveme?Formanyofus,thisisadeeplyingrainedbeliefthatcanbecomeaselffulfillingprophecy.

Thinkingweareunlovablecansabotageourrelationshipswithcoworkers,friends,familymembers,andotherlovedones.Thisbeliefcancauseustochoose,orstay
in,relationshipsthatarelessthanwedeservebecausewedon'tbelievewedeservebetter.Wemaybecomedesperateandclingasifaparticularpersonwasourlast
chanceatlove.Wemaybecomedefensiveandpushpeopleaway.Wemaywithdraworconstantlyoverreact.

Whilegrowingup,manyofusdidnotreceivetheunconditionallovewedeserved.Manyofuswereabandonedorneglectedbyimportantpeopleinourlife.Wemay
haveconcludedthatthereasonweweren'tlovedwasbecausewewereunlovable.Blamingourselvesisanunderstandablereaction,butaninappropriateone.Ifothers
couldn'tloveus,orloveusinwaysthatworked,that'snotourfault.Inrecovery,we'relearningtoseparateourselvesfromthebehaviorofothers.Andwe'relearning
totakeresponsibilityforourhealing,regardlessofthepeoplearoundus.

Justaswemayhavebelievedthatwe'reunlovable,wecanbecomeskilledatpracticingthebeliefthatwearelovable.Thisnewbeliefwillimprovethequalityofour
relationships.

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Itwillimproveourmostimportantrelationship:ourrelationshipwithourself.Wewillbeabletoletothersloveusandbecomeopentotheloveandfriendshipwe
deserve.

Today,God,helpmebeawareofandreleaseanyselfdefeatingbeliefsIhaveaboutbeingunlovable.Helpmebegin,today,totellmyselfthatIamlovable.
Helpmepracticethisbeliefuntilitgetsintomycoreandmanifestsitselfinmyrelationships.

July15
FamilyButtons
IwasthirtyfiveyearsoldthefirsttimeIspokeuptomymotherandrefusedtobuyintohergamesandmanipulation.Iwasterriblyfrightenedandalmostcouldn'tbelieveIwas
doingthis.IfoundIdidn'thavetobemean.Ididn'thavetostartanargument.ButIcouldsaywhatIwantedandneededtosaytotakecareofmyself.IlearnedIcouldloveand
honormyself,andstillcareaboutmymotherthewayIwantedtonotthewayshewantedmeto.
Anonymous

Whoknowsbetterhowtopushourbuttonsthanfamilymembers?Who,besidesfamilymembers,dowegivesuchpower?

Nomatterhowlongweorourfamilymembershavebeenrecovering,relationshipswithfamilymemberscanbeprovocative.

Onetelephoneconversationcanputusinanemotionalandpsychologicaltailspinthatlastsforhoursordays.

Sometimes,itgetsworsewhenwebeginrecoverybecausewebecomeevenmoreawareofourreactionsandourdiscomfort.That'suncomfortable,butgood.Itisby
beginningthisprocessofawarenessandacceptancethatwechange,grow,andheal.

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Theprocessofdetachinginlovefromfamilymemberscantakeyears.Socantheprocessoflearninghowtoreactinamoreeffectiveway.Wecannotcontrolwhat
theydoortrytodo,butwecangainsomesenseofcontroloverhowwechoosetoreact.

Stoptryingtomakethemactortreatusanydifferently.Unhookfromtheirsystembyrefusingtotrytochangeorinfluencethem.

Theirpatterns,particularlytheirpatternswithus,aretheirissues.Howwereact,orallowthesepatternstoinfluenceus,isourissue.Howwetakecareofourselvesis
ourissue.

Wecanloveourfamilyandstillrefusetobuyintotheirissues.Wecanloveourfamilybutrefusetheireffortstomanipulate,control,orproduceguiltinus.

Wecantakecareofourselveswithfamilymemberswithoutfeelingguilty.Wecanlearntobeassertivewithfamilymemberswithoutbeingaggressive.Wecansetthe
boundariesweneedandwanttosetwithfamilymemberswithoutbeingdisloyaltothefamily.

Wecanlearntoloveourfamilywithoutforfeitingloveandrespectforourselves.

Today,helpmestartpracticingselfcarewithfamilymembers.HelpmeknowthatIdonothavetoallowtheirissuestocontrolmylife,myday,ormy
feelings.Helpmeknowit'sokaytohaveallmyfeelingsaboutfamilymembers,withoutguiltorshame.

July16
InsistingontheBest

Wedeservethebestlifeandlovehavetooffer,butweareeachfacedwiththechallengeoflearningtoidentifywhatthatmeansinourlife.Wemusteachcometo
gripswithourownunderstandingofwhatwebelievewedeserve,whatwewant,andwhetherwearereceivingit.

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Thereisonlyoneplacetostart,andthatisrightwhereweare,inourcurrentcircumstances.Theplacewebeginiswithus.

Whathurts?Whatmakesusangry?Whatarewewhiningandcomplainingabout?Arewediscountinghowmuchaparticularbehaviorishurtingus?Arewemaking
excusesfortheotherperson,tellingourselveswe're''toodemanding''?

Arewereluctant,foravarietyofreasons,especiallyfear,totackletheissuesinourrelationshipsthatmaybehurtingus?Doweknowwhat'shurtingusanddowe
knowthatwehavearighttostopourpain,ifwewanttodothat?

Wecanbeginthejourneyfromdeprivedtodeserving.Wecanstartittoday.Wecanalsobepatientandgentlewithourselves,aswetravelinimportantincrements
frombelievingwedeservesecondbest,toknowinginourheartsthatwedeservethebest,andtakingresponsibilityforthat.

Today,IwillpayattentiontohowIallowpeopletotreatme,andhowIfeelaboutthat.IwillalsowatchhowItreatothers.Iwillnotoverreactbytaking
theirissuestoopersonallyandtooseriouslyIwillnotunderreactbydenyingthatcertainbehaviorsareinappropriateandnotacceptabletome.

July17
Love,inWordsandActions

Manyofushaveconfusednotionsaboutwhatitmeanstobelovedandcaredabout.

Manyofuswerelovedandcaredforbypeoplewhohaddiscrepanciesbetweenwhattheysaidanddid.

Wemayhavehadamotherorfatherwhosaid,"Iloveyou"tous,andthenabandonedorneglectedus,givingusconfusedideasaboutlove.Thusthatpatternfeels
likelovetheonlyloveweknew.

Someofusmayhavebeencaredforbypeoplewhopro

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videdforourneedsandsaidtheylovedus,butsimultaneouslyabusedormistreatedus.That,then,becomesourideaoflove.

Someofusmayhavelivedinemotionallysterileenvironments,wherepeoplesaidtheylovedus,butnofeelingsornurturingwereavailable.Thatmayhavebecome
ourideaoflove.

Wemaylearntoloveothersorourselvesthewaywehavebeenloved,orwemayletothersloveusthewaywehavebeenloved,whetherornotthatfeelsgood.It's
timetoletourneedsbemetinwaysthatactuallywork.Unhealthylovemaymeetsomesurfaceneeds,butnotourneedtobeloved.

Wecancometoexpectcongruencyinbehaviorfromothers.Wecandiminishtheimpactofwordsaloneandinsistthatbehaviorandwordsmatch.

Wecanfindthecourage,whenappropriate,toconfrontdiscrepanciesinwordsandactionsnottoshame,blame,orfindfault,buttohelpusstayintouchwithreality
andwithourneeds.

Wecangiveandreceivelovewherebehaviormatchesone'swords.Wedeservetoreceiveandgivethebestthatlovehastooffer.

Today,Iwillbeopentogivingandreceivingthehealthiestlovepossible.Iwillwatchfordiscrepanciesbetweenwordsandbehaviorsthatconfusemeand
makemefeelcrazy.Whenthathappens,IwillunderstandthatIamnotcrazyIaminthemidstofadiscrepancy.

July18
TimetoGetAngry

It'sabouttimeyougotangryyes,thatangry.

Angercanbesuchapotent,frighteningemotion.Itcanalsobeafeelingthatguidesustoimportantdecisions,sometimesdecisionsdifficulttomake.Itcansignalother
people'sproblems,ourproblems,orsimplyproblemsweneedtoaddress.

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Wedenyourangerforavarietyofreasons.Wedon'tgiveourselvespermissiontoallowittocomeintoourawarenessatfirst.Understandthatitdoesnotgoaway
itsitsinlayersunderthesurface,waitingforustobecomeready,safe,andstrongenoughtodealwithit.

Whatwemaydoinsteadoffacingourangerandwhatitistellingusaboutselfcare,isfeelhurt,victimized,trapped,guilty,anduncertainabouthowtotakecareof
ourselves.Wemaywithdraw,deny,makeexcuses,andhideourheadsinthesandforawhile.

Wemaypunish,geteven,whine,andwonder.

Wemayrepeatedlyforgivetheotherpersonforbehaviorsthathurtus.Wemaybeafraidthatsomeonewillgoawayifwedealwithourangertowardhimorher.We
maybeafraidwewillneedtogoaway,ifwedealwithouranger.

Wemaysimplybeafraidofourangerandthepotencyofit.Wemaynotknowwehavearight,evenaresponsibilitytoourselvestoallowourselvestofeeland
learnfromouranger.

God,helpmyhiddenorrepressedangryfeelingstosurface.Helpmehavethecouragetofacethem.HelpmeunderstandhowIneedtotakecareofmyself
withthepeopleIfeelangertoward.HelpmestoptellingmyselfsomethingiswrongwithmewhenpeoplevictimizemeandIfeelangryaboutthe
victimization.Icantrustmyfeelingstosignalproblemsthatneedmyattention.

July19
ProvingIttoOurselves

Ispentayeartryingtoprovetomyhusbandhowmuchhisdrinkingwashurtingme.WhenIbegantorecover,IrealizedIwastheonewhoneededtorealizehowmuchhisdrinking
washurtingme.
Anonymous

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IspentmonthstryingtoprovetoamanIwasdatinghowresponsibleandhealthyIwas.ThenIrealizedwhatIwasdoing.Hedidn'tneedtorealizehowresponsibleandhealthyI
was.Idid.
Anonymous

Tryingtoprovehowgoodweare,tryingtoprovewe'regoodenough,tryingtoshowsomeonehowmuchheorshehashurtus,tryingtoshowsomeonewe're
understanding,arewarningsignsthatwemaybeintoourselfdefeatingbehaviors.

Theycanbeanindicationthatwearetryingtocontrolsomeone.Theycanbeanindicationthatwearenotbelievinghowgoodweare,thatwe'regoodenough,that
someoneishurtingus.

Theycanbeawarningthatwe'veallowedourselvestogethookedintoadysfunctionalsystem.Theymayindicatethatwe'restuckinthatcloudyfogofdenialordoing
somethingthatisnotgoodforus.

Tryingexcessivelytomakeapointwithanothermaymeanthatwehavenotyetmadethatpointwithourselves.Oncewemakethatpointwithourselves,oncewe
understand,wewillknowwhattodo.

Theissueisnotaboutothersunderstandingandtakingusseriously.Theissueisnotaboutothersbelievingwe'regoodandgoodenough.Theissueisnotaboutothers
seeingandbelievinghowresponsibleorlovingorcompetentweare.Theissueisnotaboutwhetherothersrealizehowdeeplywearefeelingaparticularfeeling.We
aretheonesthatneedtoseethelight.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtocontroloutcomesbyinfluencingthebeliefsofothers.Iwillconcentrateonacceptingmyself,ratherthantryingto
provesomethingaboutmyself.IfIcatch

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myselfinthecodependenttrapoftryingtoemphasizesomethingaboutmyselftoanother,IwillaskmyselfifIneedtoconvincemyselfofthatpoint.

July20
LettingGoofResistance

Donotbeinsuchahurrytomoveon.

Relax.Breathedeeply.Be.Beinharmonytoday.

Beopen.Thereisbeautyaroundandinustoday.Thereispurposeandmeaningintoday.

Thereisimportanceintodaynotsomuchinwhathappenstous,butinhowwerespond.

Lettodayhappen.Welearnourlessons,weworkthingsout,wechangeinasimplefashion:bylivingourlifefullytoday.

Donotworryabouttomorrow'sfeelings,problems,orgifts.Donotworryaboutwhetherwecantrustourselves,life,orourHigherPowertomorrow.

Everythingweneedtodayshallbegiventous.ThatisapromisefromGod,fromtheUniverse.

Feeltoday'sfeelings.Solvetoday'sproblems.Enjoytoday'sgifts.Trustyourself,life,andyourHigherPowertoday.

Acquiretheartoflivingfullytoday.Absorbthelessons,thehealing,thebeauty,theloveavailabletoustoday.

Donotbeinsucharushtomoveon.Thereisnohurry.Wecannotescapeweonlypostpone.Letthefeelingsgobreatheinpeaceandhealing.

Donotbeinsuchahurrytomoveon.

Today,Iwillnotrunfrommyself,mycircumstances,ormyfeelings.Iwillbeopentomyself,others,myHigherPower,andlife.Iwilltrustthatbyfacing
todaytothebestofmyability,IwillacquiretheskillsIneedtofacetomorrow.

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July21
BeingIsEnough

Wearenotalwaysclearaboutwhatweareexperiencing,orwhy.

Inthemidstofgrief,transition,transformation,learning,healing,ordisciplineit'sdifficulttohaveperspective.

That'sbecausewehavenotlearnedthelessonyet.Weareinthemidstofit.Thegiftofclarityhasnotyetarrived.

Ourneedtocontrolcanmanifestitselfasaneedtoknowexactlywhat'sgoingon.Wecannotalwaysknow.Sometimes,weneedtoletourselvesbeandtrustthat
claritywillcomelater,inretrospect.

Ifweareconfused,thatiswhatwearesupposedtobe.Theconfusionistemporary.Weshallsee.Thelesson,thepurpose,shallrevealitselfintime,initsowntime.

Itwillallmakeperfectsenselater.

Today,IwillstopstrainingtoknowwhatIdon'tknow,toseewhatIcan'tsee,tounderstandwhatIdon'tyetunderstand.Iwilltrustthatbeingissufficient,
andletgoofmyneedtofigurethingsout.

July22
LearningtoTrustAgain

Manyofushavetrustissues.

Someofustriedlongandhardtotrustuntrustworthypeople.Overandagain,webelievedliesandpromisesnevertobekept.Someofustriedtotrustpeopleforthe
impossibleforinstance,trustingapracticingalcoholicnottodrinkagain.

SomeofustrustedourHigherPowerinappropriately.WetrustedGodtomakeotherpeopledowhatwewanted,thenfeltbetrayedwhenthatdidn'tworkout.

Someofusweretaughtthatlifecouldn'tbetrusted,thatwehadtocontrolandmanipulateourwaythrough.

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Mostofusweretaught,inappropriately,thatwecouldn'ttrustourselves.

Inrecovery,we'rehealingfromourtrustissues.We'relearningtotrustagain.Thefirstlessonintrustisthis:Wecanlearntotrustourselves.Wecanbetrusted.If
othershavetaughtuswecannottrustourselves,theywerelying.Addictionsanddysfunctionalsystemsmakepeoplelie.

WecanlearntoappropriatelytrustourHigherPowernottomakepeopledowhatwewantthemto,buttohelpustakecareofourselves,andtobringaboutthebest
possiblecircumstances,atthebestpossibletimes,inourlife.

Wecantrusttheprocessoflifeandrecovery.Wedonothavetocontrol,obsess,orbecomehypervigilant.Wemaynotalwaysunderstandwherewearegoing,or
what'sbeingworkedoutinus,butwecantrustthatsomethinggoodishappening.

Whenwelearntodothis,wearereadytolearntotrustotherpeople.WhenwetrustourHigherPowerandwhenwetrustourselves,wewillknowwhototrustand
whattotrustthatpersonfor.

Perhapswealwaysdid.Wejustdidn'tlistencloselyenoughtoourselvesortrustwhatweheard.

Today,IwillaffirmthatIcanlearntotrustappropriately.Icantrustmyself,myHigherPower,andrecovery.Icanlearntoappropriatelytrustotherstoo.

July23
MakingItHappen

Stoptryingsohardtomakeithappen.

Stopdoingsomuch,ifdoingsomuchiswearingyououtornotachievingthedesiredresults.Stopthinkingsomuchandsohardaboutit.Stopworryingsoaboutit.
Stoptryingtoforce,tomanipulate,tocoerce,ortomakeithappen.

Makingthingshappeniscontrolling.Wecantakeposi

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tiveactiontohelpthingshappen.Wecandoourpart.Butmanyofusdomuchmorethanourpart.Weoversteptheboundariesfromcaringanddoingourpartinto
controlling,caretaking,andcoercing.

Controllingisselfdefeating.Itdoesn'twork.Byoverextendingourselvestomakesomethinghappen,wemayactuallybestoppingitfromhappening.

Doyourpartinrelaxed,peacefulharmony.Thenletitgo.Justletitgo.Forceyourselftoletitgo,ifnecessary."Actasif."Putasmuchenergyintolettinggoasyou
haveintotryingtocontrol.You'llgetmuchbetterresults.

Itmaynothappen.Itmaynothappenthewaywewantedittoandhopeditwould.Butourcontrollingwouldn'thavemadeithappeneither.

Learntoletthingshappenbecausethat'swhatthey'lldoanyway.Andwhilewe'rewaitingtoseewhathappens,wellbehappierandsowillthosearoundus.

Today,Iwillstopforcingthingstohappen.Instead,Iwillallowthingstohappennaturally.IfIcatchmyselftryingtoforceeventsorcontrolpeople,Iwill
stopandfigureoutawaytodetach.

July24
Denial

Denialisapowerfultool.Neverunderestimateitsabilitytocloudyourvision.

Beawarethat,formanyreasons,wehavebecomeexpertsatusingthistooltomakerealitymoretolerable.Wehavelearnedwellhowtostopthepaincausedby
realitynotbychangingourcircumstances,butbypretendingourcircumstancesaresomethingotherthanwhattheyare.

Donotbetoohardonyourself.Whileonepartofyouwasbusycreatingafantasyreality,theotherpartwenttoworkonacceptingthetruth.

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Now,itistimetofindcourage.Facethetruth.Letitsinkgentlyin.

Whenwecandothat,wewillbemovedforward.

God,givemethecourageandstrengthtoseeclearly.

July25
KeepatIt

Keeppracticingyourrecoverybehaviors,evenwhentheyfeelawkward,evenwhentheyhaven'tquitetakenyet,evenifyoudon'tgetityet.

Sometimesittakesyearsforarecoveryconcepttomovefromourmindintoourheartandsoul.Weneedtoworkatrecoverybehaviorswiththediligence,effort,and
repeatedpracticeweappliedtocodependentbehaviors.Weneedtoforceourselvestodothingsevenwhentheydon'tfeelnatural.Weneedtotellourselveswecare
aboutourselvesandcantakecareofourselvesevenwhenwedon'tbelievewhatwe'resaying.

Weneedtodoit,anddoit,anddoitdayafterday,yearafteryear.

Itisunreasonabletoexpectthisnewwayoflifetosinkinovernight.Wemayhaveto"actasif"formonths,years,beforerecoverybehaviorsbecomeingrainedand
natural.

Evenafteryears,wemayfindourselves,intimesofstressorduress,revertingtooldwaysofthinking,feeling,andbehaving.

Wemayhavelayersoffeelingswearen'treadytoacknowledgeuntilyearsintoourrecovery.That'sokay!Whenit'stime,wewill.

Donotgiveup!Ittakestimetogetselfloveintothecoreofus.Ittakesrepeatedpractice.Timeandexperience.Lessons,lessons,andmorelessons.

Then,justwhenwethinkwe'vearrived,wefindwehavemoretolearn.

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That'sthejoyofrecovery.Wegettokeeplearningandgrowingallofourlife!

Keepontakingcareofyourself,nomatterwhat.Keeponpluggingawayatrecoverybehaviors,onedayatatime.Keeponlovingyourself,evenwhenitdoesn'tfeel
natural.Actasifforaslongasnecessary,evenifthattimeperiodfeelslongerthannecessary.

Oneday,itwillhappen.Youwillwakeup,andfindthat

whatyou'vebeenstrugglingwithandworkingsohardatandforcingyourselftodo,finallyfeelscomfortable.Ithashityoursoul.

Then,yougoontolearnsomethingnewandbetter.

Today,Iwillplugawayatmyrecoverybehaviors,eveniftheydon'tfeelnatural.Iwillforcemyselftogothroughthemotionsevenifthatfeelsawkward.I
willworkatlovingmyselfuntilIreallydo.

July26
OwningOurPower

Don'tyousee?Wedonothavetobesovictimizedbylife,bypeople,bysituations,bywork,byourfriends,byourloverelationships,byourfamily,byourselves,our
feelings,ourthoughts,ourcircumstances.

Wearenotvictims.Wedonothavetobevictims.Thatisthewholepoint!

Yes,admittingandacceptingpowerlessnessisimportant.Butthatisafirststep,anintroductiontothisbusinessofrecovery.Later,comesowningourpower.
Changingwhatwecan.Thisisasimportantasadmittingandacceptingpowerlessness.Andthereissomuchwecanchange.

Wecanownourpower,whereverweare,whereverwego,whoeverwearewith.Wedonothavetostandtherewithourhandstied,grovelinghelplessly,submitting
towhatevercomesalong.Therearethingswecando.Wecanspeakup.Solvetheproblem.Usetheproblemtomotivateourselves

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todosomethinggoodforourselves.

Wecanmakeourselvesfeelgood.Wecanwalkaway.Wecancomebackonourterms.Wecanstandupforourselves.Wecanrefusetoletotherscontroland
manipulateus.

Wecandowhatweneedtodototakecareofourselves.Thatisthebeauty,thereward,thecrownofvictorywearegiveninthisprocesscalledrecovery.Itiswhatit
isallabout!

Ifwecan'tdoanythingaboutthecircumstance,wecanchangeourattitude.Wecandotheworkwithin:courageouslyfaceourissuessowearenotvictimized.We
havebeengivenamiraculouskeytolife.

Wearevictimsnomoreunlesswewanttobe.

Freedomandjoyareoursforthetaking,forthefeeling,forthehardworkwehavedone.

Today,IwillremindmyselfasoftenasnecessarythatIamnotavictim,andIdonotneedtobevictimizedbywhatevercomesmyway.Iwillworkhardto
removemyselfasavictim,whetherthatmeanssettingandenforcingaboundary,walkingaway,dealingwithmyfeelings,orgivingmyselfwhatIneed.
God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtofeelvictimized.

July27
LettingGo

Stoptryingsohardtocontrolthings.Itisnotourjobtocontrolpeople,outcomes,circumstances,life.Maybeinthepastwecouldn'ttrustandletthingshappen.But
wecannow.Thewaylifeisunfoldingisgood.Letitunfold.

Stoptryingsohardtodobetter,bebetter,bemore.Whoweareandthewaywedothingsisgoodenoughfortoday.

Whowewereandthewaywedidthingsyesterdaywasgoodenoughforthatday.

Easeuponourselves.Letgo.Stoptryingsohard.

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Today,Iwillletgo.Iwillstoptryingtocontroleverything.Iwillstoptryingtomakemyselfbeanddobetter,andIwillletmyselfbe.

July28
Fear

Oneday,Idecidedtotrysomethingnew.ItookmytenyearoldsonoutontheSt.CroixRiveronaWaverunner.AWaverunnerisasmallboatingvehicle
resemblingamotorcycle.

Wedonnedlifejacketsandembarkedonanexperiencethatturnedouttobebothexhilaratingandfrightening:exhilaratingwhenIletmyselfenjoyitfrighteningwhenI
thoughttoomuchaboutwhatIwasdoingandalltheterriblethingsthatcouldhappen.

Midwaythroughourride,myworstfearcametrue.Wetookaspill.Wewereflounderinginthirtyfeetofwater.TheWaverunnerwasbobbingonthewavesinfront
ofme,likeamotorizedturtleonitsback.

''Don'tpanic,''mysonsaidcalmly.

"Whatifwedrown?"Iobjected.

"Wecan't,"hesaid."Wehavelifejacketson.See!We'refloating."

"Themachineisupsidedown,"Isaid."Howarewegoingtoturnitover?"

"Justlikethemansaid,"mysonanswered."Thearrowpointsthisway."

Withaneasygesture,weturnedthemachinerightsideup.

"Whatifwecan'tclimbbackon?"Iasked.

"Wecan,"mysonreplied."That'swhatWaverunnersweremadefor:climbingoninthewater."

Irelaxedandaswedroveoff,IwonderedwhyIhadbecomesofrightened.Ithoughtmaybeit'sbecauseIdon'ttrustmyabilitytosolveproblems.Maybeit's
becauseonceIalmostdrownedwhenIwasn'twearingalifejacket.

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Butyoudidn'tdrowntheneither,asmallvoiceinsidereassuredme.Yousurvived.

Don'tpanic.

Problemsweremadetobesolved.Lifewasmadetobelived.Althoughsometimeswemaybeinoverourheadsyes,wemayevengounderforafewmomentsand
gulpafewmouthfulsofwater,wewon'tdrown.We'rewearingandalwayshavebeenwearingalifejacket.Thatsupportjacketiscalled"God."

Today,Iwillremembertotakecareofmyself.WhenIgetinovermyhead,Godistheresupportingmeevenwhenmyfearstrytomakemeforget.

July29
HaveSomeFun

Havesomefun.Loosenupabit.Enjoylife!

Wedonothavetobesosomberandserious.Wedonothavetobesoreflective,socritical,soboundupwithinourselvesandtherigidparametersothers,andoften
ourselves,haveplacedaroundus.

Thisislife,notafuneralservice.Havesomefunwithit.Enterintoit.Participate.Experiment.Takearisk.Bespontaneous.Donotalwaysbesoconcernedabout
doingitright,doingtheappropriatething.

Donotalwaysbesoconcernedaboutwhatotherswillthinkorsay.Whattheythinkandsayaretheirissuesnotours.Donotbesoafraidofmakingamistake.Donot
besofearfulandproper.Donotinhibityourselfsomuch.

Goddidnotintendustobesoinhibited,sorestricted,socontrolled.Theserepressiveparametersarewhatotherpeoplehaveimposedonus,whatwehaveallowed
tobedonetous.

Wewerecreatedfullyhuman.Weweregivenemotions,desires,hopes,dreams,feelings.Thereisanalive,excited,

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funlovingchildinussomewhere!Letitcomeout!Letitcomealive!LetithavesomefunnotjustfortwohoursonSaturdayevening.Bringitwithus,letithelpus
enjoythisgiftofbeingalive,beingfullyhuman,andbeingwhoweare!

Somanyrules.Somuchshamewe'velivedwith.Itsimplyisn'tnecessary.Wehavebeenbrainwashed.Itistimenowtofreeourselves,letourselvesgo,andenterfully
humanintoafulllife.

Don'tworry.Wewilllearnourlessonswhennecessary.Wehavelearneddiscipline.Wewillnotgoawry.Whatwillhappenisthatwewillbeginenjoyinglife.Wewill
beginenjoyingandexperiencingourwholeself.Wecantrustourselves.Wehaveboundariesnow.Wehaveourprogramforafoundation.Wecanaffordto
experimentandexperience.WeareintouchwithourselvesandourHigherPower.Wearebeingguided,butafrozen,inanimateobjectcannotbeguided.Itcannot
evenbemoved.

Havesomefun.Loosenupabit.Breakafewrules.Wewon'tbepunishedbyGod.Wedonothavetoallowpeopletopunishus.Andwecanstoppunishing
ourselves.Aslongaswe'rehereandalive,let'sbegintolive.

Today,Iwillletmyselfhavesomefunwithlife.Iwillloosenupabit,knowingIwon'tcrackandbreak.God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobesoinhibited,
proper,andrepressed.Helpmeinjectabigdoseoflifeintomyselfbylettingmyselfbefullyaliveandhuman.

July30
AcceptingPowerlessness

SinceI'vebeenachild,I'vebeeninanantagonisticrelationshipwithanimportantemotionalpartofmyself:myfeelings.Ihaveconsistentlytriedtoeitherignore,
repress,orforcemyfeelingsaway.Ihavetriedtocreateunnaturalfeelingsorforceawayfeelingsthatwerepresent.

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I'vedeniedIwasangry,wheninfactIwasfurious.Ihavetoldmyselftheremustbesomethingwrongwithmeforfeelingangry,whenangerwasareasonableand
logicalresponsetothesituation.

Ihavetoldmyselfthingsdidn'thurt,whentheyhurtverymuch.Ihavetoldmyselfstoriessuchas"Thatpersondidn'tmeantohurtme"...."Heorshedoesn'tknow
anybetter"....''Ineedtobemoreunderstanding."TheproblemwasthatIhadalreadybeentoounderstandingoftheotherpersonandnotunderstandingand
compassionateenoughwithmyself.

IthasnotjustbeenthelargefeelingsIhavebeenatwarwithIhavebeenbattlingthewholeemotionalaspectofmyself.Ihavetriedtousespiritualenergy,mental
energy,andevenphysicalexertiontonotfeelwhatIneedtofeeltobehealthyandalive.

Ididn'tsucceedatmyattemptstocontrolemotions.Emotionalcontrolhasbeenasurvivalbehaviorforme.Icanthankthatbehaviorforhelpingmegetthroughmany
yearsandsituationswhereIdidn'thaveanybetteroptions.ButIhavelearnedahealthierbehavioracceptingmyfeelings.

Wearemeanttofeel.Partofourdysfunctionistryingtodenyorchangethat.Partofourrecoverymeanslearningtogowiththeflowofwhatwe'refeelingandwhat
ourfeelingsaretryingtotellus.

Weareresponsibleforourbehaviors,butwedonothavetocontrolourfeelings.Wecanletthemhappen.Wecanlearntoembrace,enjoy,andexperiencefeel
theemotionalpartofourselves.

Today,Iwillstoptryingtoforceandcontrolmyemotions.Instead,Iwillgivepowerandfreedomtotheemotionalpartofmyself.

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July31
LettingGoofWhatWeWant
Forthoseofuswhohavesurvivedbycontrollingandsurrendering,lettinggomaynotcomeeasily.
BeyondCodependency

Inrecovery,welearnthatitisimportanttoidentifywhatwewantandneed.Wheredoesthisconceptleaveus?Withalargebutclearlyidentifiedpackageofcurrently
unmetwantsandneeds.We'vetakentherisktostopdenyingandtostartacceptingwhatwewantandneed.Theproblemis,thewantorneedhangsthere,unmet.

Thiscanbeafrustrating,painful,annoying,andsometimesobsessionproducingplacetobe.

Afteridentifyingourneeds,thereisanextstepingettingourwantsandneedsmet.Thisstepisoneofthespiritualironiesofrecovery.Thenextstepislettinggoofour
wantsandneedsafterwehavetakenpainstakingstepstoidentifythem.

Weletthemgo,wegivethemuponamental,emotional,spiritual,andphysicallevel.Sometimes,thismeansweneedtogiveup.Itisnotalwayseasytogettothis
place,butthisisusuallywhereweneedtogo.

HowoftenIhavedeniedawantorneed,thengonethroughthestepstoidentifymyneeds,onlytobecomeannoyed,frustrated,andchallengedbecauseIdon'thave
whatIwantanddon'tknowhowtogetit.IfIthenembarkonaplantocontrolorinfluencegettingthatwantorneedmet,Iusuallymakethingsworse.Searching,
tryingtocontroltheprocess,doesnotwork.Imust,Ihavelearnedtomydismay,letgo.

Sometimes,Ievenhavetogotothepointofsaying,"Idon'twantit.Irealizeit'simportanttome,butIcannotcontrolobtainingthatinmylife.Now,Idon'tcare
anymoreifIhaveitornot.Infact,I'mgoingtobeabsolutelyhappywithout

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itandwithoutanyhopeofgettingit,becausehopingtogetitismakingmenutsthemoreIhopeandtrytogetit,themorefrustratedIfeelbecauseI'mnotgettingit."

Idon'tknowwhytheprocessworksthisway.

Iknowonlythatthisishowtheprocessworksforme.Ihavefoundnowayaroundtheconceptoflettinggo.

Weoftencanhavewhatwereallywantandneed,orsomethingbetter.Lettinggoispartofwhatwedotogetit.

Today,Iwillstrivetoletgoofthosewantsandneedsthatarecausingmefrustration.Iwillenterthemonmygoallist,thenstruggletoletgo.Iwilltrust
Godtobringmethedesiresofmyheart,inGod'stimeandinGod'sway.

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August

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August1
Gratitude
Welearnthemagicallessonthatmakingthemostofwhatwehaveturnsitintomore.
CodependentNoMore

Saythankyou,untilyoumeanit.

ThankGod,life,andtheuniverseforeveryoneandeverythingsentyourway.

Gratitudeunlocksthefullnessoflife.Itturnswhatwehaveintoenough,andmore.Itturnsdenialintoacceptance,chaostoorder,confusiontoclarity.Itcanturna
mealintoafeast,ahouseintoahome,astrangerintoafriend.Itturnsproblemsintogifts,failuresintosuccesses,theunexpectedintoperfecttiming,andmistakesinto
importantevents.Itcanturnanexistenceintoareallife,anddisconnectedsituationsintoimportantandbeneficiallessons.Gratitudemakessenseofourpast,brings
peacefortoday,andcreatesavisionfortomorrow.

Gratitudemakesthingsright.

Gratitudeturnsnegativeenergyintopositiveenergy.Thereisnosituationorcircumstancesosmallorlargethatitisnotsusceptibletogratitude'spower.Wecanstart
withwhoweareandwhatwehavetoday,applygratitude,thenletitworkitsmagic.

Saythankyou,untilyoumeanit.Ifyousayitlongenough,youwillbelieveit.

Today,Iwillshinethetransforminglightofgratitudeonallthecircumstancesofmylife.

August2
InBetween

Sometimes,togetfromwherewearetowherewearegoing,wehavetobewillingtobeinbetween.

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Oneofthehardestpartsofrecoveryistheconceptoflettinggoofwhatisoldandfamiliar,butwhatwedon'twant,andbeingwillingtostandwithourhandsempty
whilewewaitforGodtofillthem.

Thismayapplytofeelings.Wemayhavebeenfullofhurtandanger.Insomeways,thesefeelingsmayhavebecomecomfortablyfamiliar.Whenwefinallyfaceand
relinquishourgrief,wemayfeelemptyforatime.Weareinbetweenpainandthejoyofserenityandacceptance.

Beinginbetweencanapplytorelationships.Toprepareourselvesforthenew,weneedtofirstletgooftheold.Thiscanbefrightening.Wemayfeelemptyandlost
foratime.Wemayfeelallalone,wonderingwhatiswrongwithusforlettinggooftheproverbialbirdinhand,whenthereisnothinginthebush.

Beinginbetweencanapplytomanyareasoflifeandrecovery.Wecanbeinbetweenjobs,careers,homes,orgoals.Wecanbeinbetweenbehaviorsasweletgo
oftheoldandarenotcertainwhatwewillreplaceitwith.Thiscanapplytobehaviorsthathaveprotectedandserveduswellallofourlife,suchascaretakingand
controlling.

Wemayhavemanyfeelingsgoingonwhenwe'reinbetween:spurtsofgriefaboutwhatwehaveletgooforlost,andfeelingsofanxiety,fear,andapprehensionabout
what'sahead.Thesearenormalfeelingsfortheinbetweenplace.Acceptthem.Feelthem.Releasethem.

Beinginbetweenisn'tfun,butit'snecessary.Itwillnotlastforever.Itmayfeellikewe'restandingstill,butwe'renot.We'restandingattheinbetweenplace.It'show
wegetfromheretothere.Itisnotthedestination.

Wearemovingforward,evenwhenwe'reinbetween.

Today,IwillacceptwhereIamastheidealplaceformetobe.IfIaminbetween,Iwillstriveforthefaiththatthisplaceisnotwithoutpurpose,thatitis
movingmetowardsomethinggood.

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August3
OwningOurPowerinRelationships
SomuchofwhatIcallmycodependencyisfearandpanicbecauseIspentsomuchofmylifefeelingabused,trapped,andnotknowinghowtotakecareofmyselfinrelationships.
Anonymous

Nomatterhowlongwehavebeenrecovering,wemaystilltendtogiveupourpowertoothers,whethertheybeauthorityfigures,anewlove,orachild.

Whenwedothis,weexperiencethesetofemotionsandthoughtswecall"thecodependentcrazies"Wemayfeelangry,guilty,afraid,confused,andobsessed.We
mayfeeldependentandneedyorbecomeoverlycontrollingandrigid.Wemayreturntofamiliarbehaviorsduringstress.Andforthoseofuswhohavecodependency
andadultchildrenissues,relationshipscanmeanstress.

Wedon'thavetostaystuckinourcodependency.Wedon'thavetoshameorblameourselves,ortheotherperson,forourcondition.Wesimplyneedtoremember
toownourpower.

Practice.Practice.Practiceusingyourpowertotakecareofyourself,nomatterwhoyouaredealingwith,whereyouare,orwhatyouaredoing.Thisiswhat
recoverymeans.Thisdoesnotmeanwetrytocontrolothersitdoesnotmeanwebecomeabrasiveorabusive.Itmeansweownourpowertotakecareof
ourselves.

Thethoughtofdoingthismaygeneratefears.That'snormal!Takecareofyourselfanyway.Theanswers,andthepowertodothat,arewithinyounow.

Starttoday.Startwhereyouare.Startbytakingcareofwhoyouare,atthepresentmoment,tothebestofyourability.

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Today,Iwillfocusonowningmypowertotakecareofmyself.Iwillnotletfears,orafalsesenseofshameandguilt,stopmefromtakingcareofmyself.

August4
Vulnerability
I'velearnedthatthemorevulnerableIallowmyselftobe,themoreincontrolofmyselfIreallyam.
Anonymous

Manyofusfeelthatwecanonlyshowourstrong,confidentside.Webelievethefacewehavetoshowtotheworldshouldalwaysbeoneofpoliteness,perfection,
calm,strength,andcontrol.

Whileitiscertainlygoodandoftenappropriatetobeincontrol,calm,andstrong,thereisanothersidetoallofusthatpartofusthatfeelsneedy,becomes
frightened,hasdoubts,andgetsangry.Thatpartofusthatneedscare,love,andreassurancethatthingswillbeokay.Expressingtheseneedsmakesusvulnerableand
lessthanperfect,butthissideneedsouracceptancetoo.

Allowingourselvestobevulnerablewillhelpusbuildlastingrelationships.Sharingourvulnerabilitieshelpsusfeelclosetopeopleandhelpsothersfeelclosetous.It
helpsusgrowinselfloveandselfacceptance.Ithelpsusbecomehealingagents.Itallowsustobecomewholeandaccessibletoothers.

Today,Iwillallowmyselftobevulnerablewithotherswhenit'ssafeandappropriatetodoso.

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August5
AttitudesTowardMoney

Sometimes,ourlifeandhistorymaybesofullofpainthatwethinkittotallyunfairthatwehavetogrowupnowandbefinanciallyresponsibleforourselves.

Thefeelingisunderstandabletheattitudeisnothealthy.Manypeopleinrecoverymaybelievethatcertainpeopleinparticular,andlifeingeneral,owethemaliving
afterwhatthey'vebeenthrough.

Tofeelgoodaboutourselves,tofindtheemotionalpeaceandfreedomwe'reseekinginrecovery,weneedhealthyboundariesaboutmoneywhatwegivetoothers,
andwhatweallowourselvestoreceivefromothers.

Dowefeelthatothersoweusmoneybecausewecannottakecareofourselves?Dowebelieveothersoweusbecausewedonothaveasmuchmoneyastheydo?
Doweconsciouslyorsubconsciouslybelievethatthey''owe"usmoneybecauseofemotionalpainwesufferedasaresultofourrelationshipwiththemoranother
person?

Punitivedamagesareawardedincourt,butnotinrecovery.

Unhealthyboundariesaboutwhatweallowourselvestoreceivefromotherswillnotleadtohealthyrelationshipswithothersorourselves.

Testbylookingwithin.Thekeyisourattitude.Theissueisboundariesaboutreceivingmoney.Becomewillingtomeetthechallengeoftakingresponsibilityfor
yourself.

Today,Iwillstriveforclear,healthyboundariesaboutreceivingmoneyfromothers.Aspartofmyrecovery,Iwilltakeahardlookatmyfinancialhistory
andexaminewhetherIhavetakenmoneythatmaynotreflectgoodboundaries.IfIuncoversomeincidentsthatreflectlessthananattitudeofhealthy
selfresponsibility,Iwillbecomewillingtomakeamendsanddevelopareasonableplantodothat.

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August6
SolvingProblems

Problemsaremadetobesolved!

Someofusspendmoretimereactingtothefactthatwehaveaproblemthanwedosolvingtheproblem."Whyisthishappeningtome?"..."Isn'tlifeawful?"..."How
comethishadtohappen?"...''Oh,dear.Thisisterrible"....''WhyisGod(theUniverse,anagency,aperson,orlife)pickingonme?"

Problemsareinevitable.Someproblemscanbeanticipated.Somearesurprises.Buttheideathatproblemsoccurregularlyneedneverbeasurprise.

Thegoodnewsisthatforeveryproblem,there'sasolution.Sometimesthesolutionisimmediate.Sometimes,ittakesawhiletodiscover.Sometimes,thesolution
involveslettinggo.Sometimes,theproblemisourstosolvesometimesitisn't.Sometimes,thereissomethingwecanclearlydotosolvetheproblemothertimes,we
needtostruggle,flounder,doourpart,thentrustourHigherPowerforhelp.

Sometimes,theproblemisjustpartoflife.Sometimes,theproblemisimportantbecausewearelearningsomethingthroughtheproblemanditssolution.Sometimes,
problemsendupworkingoutforgoodinourlife.Theygetusheadedinadirectionthatissuperiortoonewemayotherwisehavetaken.

Sometimes,problemsjustaresometimestheyareawarningsignthatweareonthewrongtrack.

Wecanlearntoacceptproblemsasaninevitablepartoflife.Wecanlearntosolveproblems.Wecanlearntotrustourabilitytosolveproblems.Wecanlearnto
identifywhichproblemsaretryingtoleadusinanewdirection,andwhichsimplyaskforsolving.

Wecanlearntofocusonthesolutionratherthanontheproblem,andmaintainapositiveattitudetowardlifeandtheinevitableflowofproblemsandsolutions.

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Today,Iwilllearntotrustsolutions,ratherthanbevictimizedbyproblems.IwillnotuseproblemstoproveIamhelpless,pickedon,ormartyred.Iwillnot
pointtomyproblemstoprovehowawfullifeis.Iwilllearntotrusttheflowofproblemsandsolutions.God,helpmesolvetheproblemsIcansolvetoday.
Helpmeletgooftherest.Helpmebelieveinmyabilitytotackleandsolveproblems.Helpmetrusttheflow.Foreachproblem,thereisasolution.

August7
SayingNo

Formanyofus,themostdifficultwordtosayisoneoftheshortestandeasiestinthevocabulary:No.Goahead,sayitaloud:No.

Nosimpletopronounce,hardtosay.We'reafraidpeoplewon'tlikeus,orwefeelguilty.Wemaybelievethata"good"employee,child,parent,spouse,or
Christianneversaysno.

Theproblemis,ifwedon'tlearntosayno,westoplikingourselvesandthepeoplewealwaystrytoplease.Wemayevenpunishothersoutofresentment.

Whendowesayno?Whennoiswhatwereallymean.

Whenwelearntosayno,westoplying.Peoplecantrustus,andwecantrustourselves.Allsortsofgoodthingshappenwhenwestartsayingwhatwemean.

Ifwe'rescaredtosayno,wecanbuysometime.Wecantakeabreak,rehearsetheword,andgobackandsayno.Wedon'thavetoofferlongexplanationsforour
decisions.

Whenwecansayno,wecansayyestothegood.Ourno'sandouryes'sbegintobetakenseriously.Wegaincontrolofourselves.Andwelearnasecret:"No"isn't
reallythathardtosay.

Today,IwillsaynoifthatiswhatImean.

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August8
SayingYes

Yesterdaywetalkedaboutlearningtosayno.Todaylet'sdiscussanotherimportantword:Yes.

Wecanlearntosayyestothingsthatfeelgood,towhatwewantforourselvesandothers.

Wecanlearntosayyestofun.Yestomeetings,tocallingafriend,askingforhelp.

Wecanlearntosayyestohealthyrelationships,topeopleandactivitiesthataregoodforus.

Wecanlearntosayyestoourselves,whatwewantandneed,ourinstincts,andtheleadingofourHigherPower.

Wecanlearntosayyeswhenitfeelsrighttohelpsomeone.Wecanlearntosayyestoourfeelings.Wecanlearntoidentifywhenweneedtotakeawalk,takea
nap,haveourbackrubbed,orbuyourselvesflowers.

Wecanlearntosayyestoworkthatisrightforus.

Wecanlearntosayyestoallthatwillnurtureandnourishus.Wecanlearntosayyestothebestlifeandlovehavetooffer.

Today,Iwillsayyestoallthatfeelsgoodandright.

August9
AskingforWhatWeNeed

Decidewhatitisyouwantandneed,thengotothepersonyouneeditfromandaskforit.

Sometimes,ittakeshardworkandmuchenergytogetwhatwewantandneed.Wehavetogothroughthepainsofidentifyingwhatwewant,thenstruggletobelieve
thatwedeserveit.Then,wemayhavetoexperiencethedisappointmentofaskingsomeone,havingthepersonrefuseus,andfiguringoutwhattodonext.

Sometimesinlife,gettingwhatwewantandneedisnotsodifficult.Sometimes,allweneedtodoisask.

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Wecangotoanotherperson,orourHigherPower,andaskforwhatweneed.

Butbecauseofhowdifficultitcanbe,attimes,togetwhatwewantandneed,wemaygettrappedinthemindsetofbelievingitwillalwaysbethatdifficult.
Sometimes,notwantingtogothroughthehassle,dreadingthestruggle,oroutoffear,wemaymakegettingwhatwewantandneedmuchmoredifficultthanitneeds
tobe.

Wemaygetangrybeforeweask,decidingthatwellnevergetwhatwewant,oranticipatingthe"fight"wellhavetoendure.Bythetimewetalktosomeoneabout
whatwewant,wemaybesoangrythatwe'redemanding,notaskingthusourangertriggersapowerplaythatdidn'texistexceptinourmind.

Orwemaygetsoworkedupthatwedon'taskorwewastefarmoreenergythannecessaryfightingwithourselves,onlytofindoutthattheotherperson,orour
HigherPower,ishappytogiveuswhatwewant.

Sometimes,wehavetofightandworkandwaitforwhatwewantandneed.Sometimes,wecangetitjustbyaskingorstatingthatthisiswhatwewant.Ask.Ifthe
answerisno,ornotwhatwewant,thenwecandecidewhattodonext.

Today,Iwillnotsetupadifficultsituationthatdoesn'texistwithotherpeople,ormyHigherPower,aboutgettingwhatIwantandneed.Ifthereis
somethingIneedfromsomeone,Iwillaskfirst,beforeIstruggle.

August10
LettingGoofPerfection

AsIjourneythroughrecovery,moreandmoreIlearnthatacceptingmyselfandmyidiosyncrasieslaughingatmyselfformywaysgetsmealotfurtherthanpickingon

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myselfandtryingtomakemyselfperfect.Maybethat'sreallywhatit'sallaboutabsolutelovingjoyous,nurturingselfacceptance.
Anonymous

Stopexpectingperfectionfromyourselfandthosearoundyou.

Wedoaterrible,annoyingthingtoourselvesandotherswhenweexpectperfection.Wesetupasituationwhereothers,includingourselves,donotfeelcomfortable
withus.Sometimes,expectingperfectionmakespeoplesouptightthattheyandwemakemoremistakesthannormalbecausewearesonervousandfocusedon
mistakes.

Thatdoesnotmeanweallowinappropriatebehaviorswiththeexcusethat"nobody'sperfect."Thatdoesn'tmeanwedon'thaveboundariesandreasonable
expectationsofpeopleandourselves.

Butourexpectationsneedtobereasonable.Expectingperfectionisnotreasonable.

Peoplemakemistakes.Thelessanxious,intimidated,andrepressedtheyarebyexpectationsofbeingperfect,thebettertheywilldo.

Strivingforexcellence,purityincreativity,aharmoniousperformance,andthebestwehavetoofferdoesnothappeninthestymied,negative,fearproducing
atmosphereofexpectingperfection.

Haveandsetboundaries.Havereasonableexpectations.Strivetodoyourbest.Encourageotherstodothesame.Butknowthatweandotherswillmakemistakes.
Knowthatweandotherswillhavelearningexperiences,thingswegothrough.

Sometimes,theflawsandimperfectionsinourselvesdetermineouruniqueness,thewaytheydoinapieceofart.Relishthem.Laughatthem.Embracethem,and
ourselves.

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Encourageothersandourselvestodothebestwecan.Loveandnurtureourselvesandothersforbeingwhoweare.Thenrealizewearenotmerelyhumanwe
wereintendedandcreatedtobehuman.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobeperfectandtounreasonablyinsistthatothersareperfect.Iwillnotusethistotolerateabuseormistreatment,
buttoachieveappropriate,balancedexpectations.Iamcreatingahealthyatmosphereoflove,acceptance,andnurturingaroundandwithinme.Itrust
thatthisattitudewillbringoutthebestinotherpeopleandinme.

August11
Healing

Lethealingenergyflowthroughyourbody.

ThehealingenergyofGod,theUniverse,life,andrecoverysurroundsus.Itisavailable,waitingforustodrawonit,waitingforustodrawitin.It'swaitingatour
meetingsorgroups,onthewordsofawhisperedprayer,inagentletouch,apositiveword,apositivethought.Healingenergyisinthesun,thewind,therain,inallthat
isgood.

Lethealingenergycome.Attractit.Acceptit.Letitsoakin.Breatheinthegoldenlight.Exhale.Letgooffear,anger,hurt,doubt.Lethealingenergyflowtoyou,
throughyou.

Itisyoursfortheasking,forthebelieving.

Today,Iwillaskfor,andaccept,thehealingenergyfromGodandtheUniverse.Iwillletitflowtome,throughme,andbackouttoothers.Iampartof,
andatonewith,thecontinuouscycleofhealing.

August12
Directness

Directpeopleareajoytobearound.

Weneverhavetoguesswhatthey'rereallythinkingor

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feeling,becausethey'rehonestabouttheirthoughtsandopenlyexpresstheirfeelings.

Weneverhavetowonderifthey'rewithusbecausetheywanttobe,orifthey'rethereoutofguiltandobligation.

Whentheydosomethingforus,wedon'thavetoworrywhetherthey'llendupresentingusbecausedirectpeoplegenerallydothingsthatpleasethemselves.

Wedon'thavetofussaboutthestatusofourrelationshipbecauseifweask,they'lltellus.

Wedon'thavetoworryifthey'reangrybecausetheydealopenlywiththeirangerandresolveitquickly.

Wedon'thavetoponderwhethertheyaretalkingaboutusbehindourbacksbecauseiftheyhavesomethingtosay,itwillbesaidtousdirectly.

Wedon'thavetowonderifwecanrelyonthembecausedirectpeoplearetrustworthy.

Wouldn'titbeniceifwewerealldirect?

Today,Iwillletgoofmynotionsthatitissomehowgoodordesirabletobeindirect.Instead,Iwillstriveforhonesty,directness,andclarityinmy
communication.Iwillletdirectnessinmyrelationshipsbeginwithme.

August13
Friends

Don'toverlookthevalueoffriendship.Don'tneglectfriends.

Friendsareajoy.Adultfriendshipscanbeagoodplaceforustolearntohavefunandtoappreciatehowmuchfunwecanhavewithafriend.

Friendscanbeacomfort.Whoknowsusbetter,orismoreabletogiveussupport,thanagoodfriend?Afriendshipisacomfortableplacetobeourselves.Often,
ourchoiceoffriendswillreflecttheissueswe'reworkingon.Givingandreceivingsupportwillhelpbothpeoplegrow.

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Somefriendshipswaxandwane,goingthroughcyclesthroughouttheyears.Sometrailoffwhenonepersonoutgrowstheother.Certainly,wewillhavetrialsandtests
infriendshipsand,attimes,becalledontopracticeourrecoverybehaviors.

Butsomefriendshipswilllastalifetime.Therearespecialloverelationships,andtherearefriendships.Sometimes,ourfriendshipsespeciallyrecoveryfriendships
canbespecialloverelationshipstoo.

Today,Iwillreachouttoafriend.Iwillletmyselfenjoythecomfort,joys,andenduringqualityofmyfriendships.

August14
OwningOurPower

Manyofushavesomeoneinourlifewhochallengesourabilitytotrustandcareforourselves.

Whenwehearthatperson'svoiceorareinhisorherpresence,wemayforgetallweknowaboutwhatisreal,abouthowtoownourpower,abouthowtobedirect,
aboutwhatweknowandbelievetobetrue,abouthowimportantweare.

Wegiveupourpowertothatperson.Thechildinusgetshookedwithamixtureofpowerfulfeelingslove,fear,oranger.Wemayfeeltrapped,helpless,orso
attractedthatwecan'tthinkstraight.Theremaybeapowerfultugofwargoingbetweenfeelingsofangerandourneedtobelovedandaccepted,orbetweenour
headandourheart.

Wemaybesoenamoredorintimidatedthatwereverttoourbeliefthatwecan'treactorrespondtothispersonanydifferently.

Wegethooked.

Wedon'thavetostayunderaspell.

Westartbybecomingawareofthepeoplewhohookus,andthenacceptingthat.

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Wecanforceourselvesthroughthemotionsofreactingdifferentlytothatperson,evenifthatnewreactionisawkwardanduncomfortable.

Searchoutourmotivations.Arewesomehowtryingtocontrolorinfluencetheotherperson?Wecannotchangetheotherperson,butwecanstopplayingourpartof
thegame.Onegoodwaytodothisisbydetachingandlettinggoofanyneedtocontrol.

Thenextstepislearningtoownourpowertotakecareofourselves,tobewhowearefreefromtheirinfluence.Wecanlearntoownourpowerwithdifficultpeople.
Itmaynothappenovernight,butwecanbegin,today,tochangeourselfdefeatingreactionstothepeoplewhohavehookedus.

God,helpmeidentifytherelationshipswhereIhaveforfeitedmypower.Helpmeunhookandbeginowningmypower.

August15
LeavingRoomforFeelings

Weneedtoallowenoughroomforothersandourselvestohaveandworkthroughourfeelings.

Wearepeople,notrobots.Animportantpartofuswhoweare,howwegrow,howweliveisconnectedtoouremotionalcenter.Wehavefeelings,sometimes
difficultones,sometimesdisruptiveones,sometimesexplosiveones,thatneedtobeworkedthrough.

Byfacingandworkingthroughthesefeelingsweandothersgrow.Inrelationships,whetheritbealoverelationship,afriendship,afamilyrelationship,oraclose
businessrelationship,peopleneedroomtohaveandworkthroughtheirfeelings.

Somecallit"goingthroughtheprocess."

Itisunreasonabletoexpectourselvesorotherstonotneedtimeandroomtoworkthroughfeelings.Wewillbesetting

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ourselvesandourrelationshipsupforfailureifwedonotallowthistimeandroominourlife.

Weneedtimetoworkthroughfeelings.Weneedthespaceandpermissiontoworkthroughthesefeelingsintheawkward,uncomfortable,sometimesmessywaythat
peopleworkthroughfeelings.

Thisislife.Thisisgrowth.Thisisokay.

Wecanallowroomforfeelings.Wecanletpeoplehavetimeandpermissiontogothroughtheirfeelings.Wedonothavetokeepourselvesorothersundersucha
tightrein.Whileweworkthroughourfeelingswedonothavetoexpendunnecessaryenergyreactingtoeachfeelingweorothershave.Wedon'thavetotakeallour
feelings,andothers'feelings,soseriouslywhileweorothersareintheprocessofworkingthroughthem.

Letthefeelingsflowandtrustwheretheflowistakingyou.

Icansetreasonableboundariesforbehavior,andstillleaveroomforarangeofemotions.

August16
RescuingOurselves

Noonelikesamartyr.

Howdowefeelaroundmartyrs?Guilty,angry,trapped,negative,andanxioustogetaway.

Somehow,manyofushavedevelopedthebeliefthatdeprivingourselves,nottakingcareofourselves,beingavictim,andsufferingneedlesslywillgetuswhatwe
want.

Itisourjobtonoticeourabilities,ourstrengths,andtakecareofourselvesbydevelopingandactingonthem.

Itisourjobtonoticeourpainandwearinessandappropriatelytakecareofourselves.

Itisourjobtonoticeourdeprivation,too,andbegintotakestepstogiveourselvesabundance.Itbeginsinsideofus,bychangingwhatwebelievewedeserve,by
givingup

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ourdeprivationandtreatingourselvesthewaywedeservetobetreated.

Lifeishard,butwedon'thavetomakeitmoredifficultbyneglectingourselves.Thereisnogloryinsuffering,onlysuffering.Ourpainwillnotstopwhenarescuer
comes,butwhenwetakeresponsibilityforourselvesandstopourownpain.

Today,Iwillbemyownrescuer.Iwillstopwaitingforsomeoneelsetoworkthroughmyissuesandsolvemyproblemsforme.

August17
HealingThoughts

Thinkhealingthoughts.

Whenyoufeelangerorresentment,askGodtohelpyoufeelit,learnfromit,andthenreleaseit.AskHimtoblessthosewhoyoufeelangertoward.

AskHimtoblessyoutoo.

Whenyoufeelfear,askHimtotakeitfromyou.Whenyoufeelmisery,forcegratitude.Whenyoufeeldeprived,knowthatthereisenough.

Whenyoufeelashamed,reassureyourselfthatwhoyouareisokay.Youaregoodenough.

Whenyoudoubtyourtimingoryourpresentpositioninlife,assureyourselfthatalliswellyouarerightwhereyou'remeanttobe.Reassureyourselfthatothersare
too.

Whenyouponderthefuture,tellyourselfthatitwillbegood.Whenyoulookbackatthepast,relinquishregrets.

Whenyounoticeproblems,affirmtherewillbeatimelysolutionandagiftfromtheproblem.

Whenyouresistfeelingsorthoughts,practiceacceptance.Whenyoufeeldiscomfort,knowitwillpass.Whenyouidentifyawantoraneed,tellyourselfitwillbemet.

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Whenyouworryaboutthoseyoulove,askGodtoprotectandcareforthem.Whenyouworryaboutyourself,askHimtodothesame.

Whenyouthinkaboutothers,thinklove.Whenyouthinkaboutyourself,thinklove.

Thenwatchyourthoughtstransformreality.

Today,Iwillthinkhealingthoughts.

August18
ValuingthisMoment

Detachmentinvolvespresentmomentlivinglivinginthehereandnow.Weallowlifetohappeninsteadofforcingandtryingtocontrolit.Werelinquishregretsoverthepastand
fearsaboutthefuture.Wemakethemostofeachday.
CodependentNoMore

Thismoment,wearerightwhereweneedtobe,rightwherewearemeanttobe.

Howoftenwewasteourtimeandenergywishingweweresomeoneelse,weredoingsomethingelse,orweresomeplaceelse.Wemaywishourpresent
circumstancesweredifferent.

Weneedlesslyconfuseourselvesanddivertourenergybythinkingthatourpresentmomentisamistake.Butwearerightwhereweneedtobefornow.Ourfeelings,
thoughts,circumstances,challenges,tasksallofitisonschedule.

Wespoilthebeautyofthepresentmomentbywishingforsomethingelse.

Comebackhometoyourself.Comebackhometothepresentmoment.Wewillnotchangethingsbyescapingorleavingthemoment.Wewillchangethingsby
surrenderingtoandacceptingthemoment.

Somemomentsareeasiertoacceptthanothers.

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Totrusttheprocess,totrustallofit,withouthangingontothepastorpeeringtoofarintothefuture,requiresagreatdealoffaith.Surrendertothemoment.Ifyou're
feelingangry,getmad.Ifyou'resettingaboundary,diveintothat.Ifyou'regrieving,grieve.Getintoit.Stepwhereinstinctleads.Ifyou'rewaiting,wait.Ifyouhavea
task,throwyourselfintothework.Getintothemomentthemomentisright.

Wearewhereweare,anditisokay.Itisrightwherewe'remeanttobetogetwherewe'regoingtomorrow.Andthatplacewillbegood.

Ithasbeenplannedinloveforus.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobesomeoneotherthanwhoIamtoday.Helpmedivefullyintothepresentmoment.Iwillacceptandsurrendertomy
presentmomentsthedifficultonesandtheeasyones,trustingthewholeprocess.Iwillstoptryingtocontroltheprocessinstead,Iwillrelaxandlet
myselfexperienceit.

August19
LettingGoofShame

Shameisthatdark,powerfulfeelingthatholdsusback.Yes,shamecanstopusfromactinginappropriately.Butmanyofushavelearnedtoattachshametohealthy
behaviorsthatareinourbestinterest.

Indysfunctionalfamilies,shamecanbetaggedtohealthybehaviorssuchastalkingaboutfeelings,makingchoices,takingcareofourselves,havingfun,being
successful,orevenfeelinggoodaboutourselves.

Shamemayhavebeenattachedtoaskingforwhatwewantandneed,tocommunicatingdirectlyandhonestly,andtogivingandreceivinglove.

Sometimesshamedisguisesitselfasfear,rage,indifference,oraneedtorunandhide,wroteStephanieE.Butifitfeelsdarkandmakesusfeelbadaboutbeingwho
weare,it'sprobablyshame.

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Inrecovery,wearelearningtoidentifyshame.Whenwecanrecognizeit,wecanbegintoletgoofit.Wecanloveandacceptourselvesstartingnow.

Wehavearighttobe,tobehere,andtobewhoweare.Andwedon'teverhavetoletshametellusanydifferently.

Today,Iwillattackandconquertheshameinmylife.

August20
HonestyinRelationships

Wecanbehonestanddirectaboutourboundariesinrelationshipsandabouttheparametersofaparticularrelationship.

Perhapsnoareaofourlifereflectsouruniquenessandindividualityinrecoverymorethanourrelationships.Someofusareinacommittedrelationship.Someofusare
dating.Someofusarenotdating.Someofusarelivingwithsomeone.Someofuswishweweredating.Someofuswishwewereinacommittedrelationship.Some
ofusgetintonewrelationshipsafterrecovery.Someofusstayintherelationshipwewereinbeforewebeganrecovering.

Wehaveotherrelationshipstoo.Wehavefriendships.Relationshipswithchildren,withparents,withextendedfamily.Wehaveprofessionalrelationships
relationshipswithpeopleonthejob.

Weneedtobeabletobehonestanddirectinourrelationships.Oneareawecanbehonestanddirectaboutistheparametersofourrelationships.Wecandefineour
relationshipstopeople,anideawrittenaboutbyCharlotteKaslandothers,andwecanaskthemtobehonestanddirectaboutdefiningtheirvisionoftherelationship
withus.

Itisconfusingtobeinrelationshipsandnotknowwherewestandwhetherthisisonthejob,inafriendship,withfamilymembers,orinaloverelationship.Wehave
arighttobedirectabouthowwedefinetherelationshipwhat

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wewantittobe.Butrelationshipsequaltwopeoplewhohaveequalrights.Theotherpersonneedstobeabletodefinetherelationshiptoo.Wehavearighttoknow,
andask.Sodothey.

Honestyisthebestpolicy.

Wecansetboundaries.Ifsomeonewantsamoreintenserelationshipthanwedo,wecanbeclearandhonestaboutwhatwewant,aboutourintendedlevelof
participation.Wecantellthepersonwhattoreasonablyexpectfromus,becausethatiswhatwewanttogive.Howthepersondealswiththatishisorherissue.
Whetherornotwetellthepersonisours.

Wecansetboundariesanddefinefriendshipswhenthosecauseconfusion.

Wecanevendefinerelationshipswithchildren,ifthoserelationshipshavegottenstickyandexceededourparameters.Weneedtodefineloverelationshipsandwhat
thatmeanstoeachperson.Wehavearighttoaskandreceiveclearanswers.Wehavearighttomakeourowndefinitionsandhaveourownexpectations.Sodoes
theotherperson.

Honestyanddirectnessistheonlypolicy.Sometimeswedon'tknowwhatwewantinarelationship.Sometimestheotherpersondoesn'tknow.Butthesoonerwe
candefinearelationship,withtheotherperson'shelp,thesoonerwecandecideonanappropriatecourseofconductforourselves.

Theclearerwecanbecomeondefiningrelationships,themorewecantakecareofourselvesinthatrelationship.Wehavearighttoourboundaries,wants,and
needs.Sodoestheotherperson.Wecannotforcesomeonetobeinarelationshiportoparticipateatalevelwedesireifheorshedoesnotwantto.Allofushavea
rightnottobeforced.

Informationisapowerfultool,andhavingtheinformationaboutwhataparticularrelationshipistheboundariesanddefinitionsofitwillempowerustotakecareof
ourselvesinit.

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Relationshipstakeawhiletoform,butatsomepointwecanreasonablyexpectacleardefinitionofwhatthatrelationshipisandwhattheboundariesofitare.Ifthe
definitionsclash,wearefreetomakeanewdecisionbasedonappropriateinformationaboutwhatweneedtodototakecareofourselves.

Today,Iwillstriveforclarityanddirectnessinmyrelationships.IfInowhavesomerelationshipsthataremurkyandilldefined,andifIhavegiventhem
adequatetimetoform,Iwillbegintotakeactiontodefinethatrelationship.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearsaboutdefiningandunderstandingthenature
ofmypresentrelationships.Guidemeintoclarityclear,healthythinking.HelpmeknowthatwhatIwantisokay.HelpmeknowthatifIcan'tgetthat
fromtheotherperson,whatIwantisstillokay,butnotpossibleatthepresenttime.HelpmelearntonotforegowhatIwantandneed,butempowermeto
makeappropriate,healthychoicesaboutwheretogetthat.

August21
DetachinginRelationships

Whenwefirstbecomeexposedtotheconceptofdetachment,manyofusfinditobjectionableandquestionable.Wemaythinkthatdetachingmeanswedon'tcare.
Wemaybelievethatbycontrolling,worrying,andtryingtoforcethingstohappen,we'reshowinghowmuchwecare.

Wemaybelievethatcontrolling,worrying,andforcingwillsomehowaffecttheoutcomewedesire.Controlling,worrying,andforcingdon'twork.Evenwhenwe're
right,controllingdoesn'twork.Insomecases,controllingmaypreventtheoutcomewewantfromhappening.

Aswepracticetheprincipleofdetachmentwiththepeopleinourlife,weslowlybegintolearnthetruth.Detaching,preferablydetachingwithlove,isarelationship
behaviorthatworks.

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Welearnsomethingelsetoo.Detachmentlettinggoofourneedtocontrolpeopleenhancesallourrelationships.Itopensthedoortothebestpossibleoutcome.It
reducesourfrustrationlevel,andfreesusandotherstoliveinpeaceandharmony.

Detachmentmeanswecare,aboutourselvesandothers.Itfreesustomakethebestpossibledecisions.Itenablesustosettheboundariesweneedtosetwith
people.Itallowsustohaveourfeelings,tostopreactingandinitiateapositivecourseofaction.Itencouragesotherstodothesame.

ItallowsourHigherPowertostepinandwork.

Today,Iwilltrusttheprocessofdetachingwithlove.IwillunderstandthatIamnotjustlettinggoIamlettinggoandlettingGod.I'mlovingothers,but
I'mlovingmyselftoo.

August22
ResponsibilityforFamilyMembers
Icanstillremembermymotherclutchingherheart,threateningtohaveaheartattackanddie,andblamingitonme.
Anonymous

Forsomeofus,theideathatwewereresponsibleforotherpeople'sfeelingshaditsrootsinchildhoodandwasestablishedbymembersofournuclearfamily.We
mayhavebeentoldthatwemadeourmotherorfathermiserable,leadingdirectlytotheideathatwewerealsoresponsibleformakingthemhappy.Theideathatwe
areresponsibleforourparents'happinessormiserycaninstillexaggeratedfeelingsofpowerandguiltinus.

Wedonothavethiskindofpoweroverourparentsovertheirfeelings,oroverthecourseoftheirlives.Wedonothavetoallowthemtohavethiskindofpower
overus.

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Ourparentsdidthebesttheycould.Butwestilldonothavetoacceptonebelieffromthemthatisnotahealthybelief.Theymaybeourparents,buttheyarenot
alwaysright.Theymaybeourparents,buttheirbeliefsandbehaviorsarenotalwayshealthyandinourbestinterest.

Wearefreetoexamineandchooseourbeliefs.

Letgoofguilt.Letgoofexcessiveandinappropriatefeelingsofresponsibilitytowardparentsandotherfamilymembers.Wedonothavetoallowtheirdestructive
beliefstocontrolus,ourfeelings,ourbehaviors,orourlife.

Today,Iwillbegintheprocessofsettingmyselffreefromanyselfdefeatingbeliefsmyparentspassedontome.Iwillstriveforappropriateideasand
boundariesconcerninghowmuchpowerandhowmuchresponsibilityIcanactuallyhaveinmyrelationshipwithmyparents.

August23
SelfCare
Whenwillwebecomelovable?Whenwillwefeelsafe?Whenwillwegetalltheprotection,nurturing,andlovewesorichlydeserve?Wewillgetitwhenwebegingivingitto
ourselves.
BeyondCodependency

Theideaofgivingourselveswhatwewantandneedcanbeconfusing,especiallyifwehavespentmanyyearsnotknowingthatit'sokaytotakecareofourselves.
Takingourenergyandfocusoffothersandtheirresponsibilitiesandplacingthatenergyontoourselvesandourresponsibilitiesisarecoverybehaviorthatcanbe
acquired.Welearnitbydailypractice.

Webeginbyrelaxing,bybreathingdeeply,andlettinggoofourfearsenoughtofeelaspeacefulaswecan.Then,weaskourselves:WhatdoIneedtodototake
careofmyselftoday,orforthismoment?

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WhatdoIneedandwanttodo?

Whatwoulddemonstrateloveandselfresponsibility?

AmIcaughtupinthebeliefthatothersareresponsibleformakingmehappy,responsibleforme?ThenthefirstthingIneedtodoiscorrectmybeliefsystem.Iam
responsibleformyself.

DoIfeelanxiousandconcernedaboutaresponsibilityI'vebeenneglecting?ThenperhapsIneedtoletgoofmyfearsandtendtothatresponsibility.

DoIfeeloverwhelmed,outofcontrol?MaybeIneedtojourneybacktothefirstoftheTwelveSteps.

HaveIbeenworkingtoohard?MaybewhatIneedtodoistakesometimeoffanddosomethingfun.

HaveIbeenneglectingmyworkordailytasks?ThenmaybewhatIneedtodoisgetbacktomyroutine.

Thereisnorecipe,noformula,noguidebookforselfcare.Weeachhaveaguide,andthatguideiswithinus.Weneedtoaskthequestion:WhatdoIneedtodoto
takeloving,responsiblecareofmyself?Then,weneedtolistentotheanswer.Selfcareisnotthatdifficult.Themostchallengingpartistrustingtheanswer,andhaving
thecouragetofollowthroughoncewehearit.

Today,Iwillfocusontakingcareofmyself.IwilltrustmyselfandmyHigherPowertoguidemeinthisprocess.

August24
StepEight
Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.
StepEightofAlAnon

TheEighthStepisnotmeanttopunishusitismeanttosetusfreefromguilt,anxiety,anddiscord.

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Webeginbymakingalistofeveryonewehaveharmedonourjourney,aswehavestruggledtosurvive.Wehaveprobablydonemoredamagetoourselvesthanto
anyoneelse,soweputourselvesfirstonthelist.

Often,ourtendencyistofeelguiltyabouteverythingwe'veeverdone,everyonewe'vecomeincontactwith.Thatisunearnedguilt.Writinghelpsusclarifywhetheror
notwearepunishingourselvesfornoreason.ButweneedtobeopentoguidanceasweworkthisStep,gettingeverythingoutofusandontopaper,sowecanbe
healed.

Oncewehavemadethelist,westrivetobecomewillingtomakeamendstoeveryoneonitbecausethatishowwewillheal.Makingamendsdoesnotmeanfeeling
guiltyandashamedandpunishingourselvesitmeansswallowingourprideanddefenses,anddoingwhatwecantotakecareofourselves.Webecomereadyto
improveourselfesteembytakingresponsibilityforourbehaviors.Webecomewillingtohaveourrelationshipswithourselves,others,andourHigherPower
restored.

Today,IwillopenmyselftoanhonestunderstandingofthepeopleIhaveharmed.God,helpmeletgoofmydefensesandpride.Helpmebecomewillingto
makeamendstothoseIhaveharmed,sothatIcanimprovemyrelationshipswithmyselfandothers.

August25
WillingtoMakeAmends

TheEighthStepistalkingaboutachangeofheart,ahealingchange.

Thisattitudecanbeginagreatchainofrepairandhealinginourrelationshipswithothersandourselves.Itmeanswebecomewillingtoletgoofourhard
heartednessoneofthegreatestblockstoourabilitytogiveandreceivelove.

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IntheEighthStep,wemakealistofallpeoplewehaveharmed,andweallowourselvestoexperienceahealingattitudetowardthem.Itisanattitudeoflove.

Wedonot,inthisStep,dashmadlyaboutandbeginyelling,''Sorry!''Wemakeourlist,nottofeelguilty,buttofacilitatehealing.Beforeweactuallymakeamendsor
begintoconsiderappropriateamends,weallowourselvestochangeourattitude.Thatiswherehealingbeginswithinus.

Itcanchangetheenergy.Itcanchangethedynamics.Itcanbegintheprocess,beforeweeveropenourmouthsandsaysorry.

Itopensthedoortolove.Itopensthedoortotheenergyofloveandhealing.Itenablesustoreleasenegativefeelingsandenergy,andopensthedoortopositive
feelingsandenergy.

Thatenergycanbefeltaroundtheworld,anditstartsinsideus.

Howoftenhavewe,afterwehavebeenhurt,wishedthatthepersonwouldsimplyrecognizeourpainandsay,"I'msorry"?Howoftenhavewewishedthattheperson
wouldsimplyseeus,hearus,andturntheenergyofloveourway?Howoftenhavewelongedforatleastachangeofheart,asmalldoseofreconciliation,in
relationshipstaintedbyunfinishedbusinessandbadfeelings?Often.

Othersdotoo.Itisnosecret.Theenergyofhealingbeginswithus.Ourwillingnesstomakeamendsmayormaynotbenefittheotherpersonheorshemayormay
notbewillingtoputmatterstorest.

Butwebecomehealed.Webecomecapableoflove.

Today,Iwillworkonachangeofheartifhardheartedness,defensiveness,guilt,orbitternessarepresent.Iwillbecomewillingtoletgoofthosefeelings
andhavethemreplacedbythehealingenergyoflove.

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August26
MakingAmends
Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.
StepNineofAlAnon

Whenwemakeamendsweneedtobeclearaboutwhatwe'reapologizingforandthebestwaytosaywe'resorry.Whatwearereallydoingwithouramendsis
takingresponsibilityforourbehavior.Weneedtobesurethattheprocessitselfwillnotbeselfdefeatingorhurtful.

Sometimes,weneedtodirectlyapologizeforaparticularthingwehavedoneorourpartinaproblem.

Othertimes,insteadofsaying"I'msorry,"whatweneedtodoisworkonchangingourbehaviorwithaperson.

Therearetimeswhenbringingupwhatwehavedoneandapologizingforitwillmakemattersworse.

Weneedtotrusttiming,intuition,andguidanceinthisprocessofmakingamends.Oncewebecomewilling,wecanletgoandtackleouramendsinapeaceful,
consistent,harmoniousway.Ifnothingfeelsrightorappropriate,ifitfeelsasifwhatweareabouttodowillcauseacrisisorhavoc,weneedtotrustthatfeeling.

Attitude,honesty,openness,andwillingnesscounthere.Inpeaceandharmony,wecanstrivetoclearupourrelationships.

Wedeservetobeatpeacewithourselvesandothers.

Today,IwillbeopentomakinganyamendsIneedtomakewithpeople.IwillwaitforDivineGuidanceintheprocessofmakinganyamendsthatarenot
cleartome.Iwillact,whenled.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearaboutfacingpeopleandtakingresponsibilityformybehaviors.HelpmeknowIamnot
diminishingmyselfesteembydoingthisIamimprovingit.

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August27
Procrastination

Procrastinationnotactingwhenthetimeisrightisaselfdefeatingbehavior.Itproducesanxiety,guilt,disharmony,andanaggingconsciousnessofthetaskthatlife
istellingusit'stimetodo.

Wearenotalwaysprocrastinatingwhenweputoffdoingsomething.Sometimes,doingathingbeforethetimeisrightcanbeasselfdefeatingaswaitingtoolong.

Wecanlearntodiscernthedifference.Listentoyourself.ListentotheUniverse.Whatispastdueandcreatinganxietyandproddingwithinyou?

Istheresomethinginyourlifeyouareavoidingbecauseyoudon'twanttofaceit?Isthereabuildinganxietyfromputtingthisoff?

Sometimesanger,fear,orfeelinghelplesscanmotivateprocrastination.Sometimes,procrastinationhassimplybecomehabitual.

Trustandlistentoyourself,yourHigherPower,andtheUniverse.Watchforsignsandsignals.Ifitistimetodosomething,doitnow.Ifitisnotyettime,waituntilthe
timeisright.

God,helpmelearntobeontimeandinharmonywithmylife.HelpmetuneintoandtrustDivineTimingandOrder.

August28
TakingCareofOurselvesontheJob

It'sokaytotakecareofourselvesonthejob.Itisnotonlyokay,itisnecessary.

Takingcareofourselvesonthejobmeanswedealwithfeelingsappropriatelywetakeresponsibilityforourselves.Wedetach,whendetachmentiscalledfor.Weset
boundaries,whenweneedtodothat.

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Wenegotiateconflictswetrytoseparateourissuesfromtheotherperson'sissues,andwedon'texpectperfectionfromourselvesorothers.

Weletgoofourneedtocontrolthatwhichwecannotcontrol.Instead,westriveforpeaceandmanageability,owningourpowertobewhoweareandtotakecare
ofourselves.

Wedonottolerateabuse,nordoweabuseormistreatanyoneelse.Weworkatlettinggoofourfearanddevelopingappropriateconfidence.Wetrytolearnfrom
ourmistakes,butweforgiveourselveswhenwemakethem.

Wetrytonotsetourselvesupbytakingjobsthatcouldn'tpossiblyworkout,orjobsthataren'trightforus.Ifwefindourselvesinoneofthosecircumstances,we
addresstheissueresponsibly.

Wefigureoutwhatourresponsibilitiesare,andwegenerallysticktothose,unlessanotheragreementismade.Weleaveroomforgreatdays,andnotsogreatdays.

Wearegentleandlovingwithpeoplewheneverpossible,butweareassertiveandfirmwhenthatiscalledfor.Weacceptourstrengthsandbuildonthem.Weaccept
ourweaknessesandlimitations,includingthelimitationsofourpower.

Westrivetostoptryingtocontrolandchangewhatisnotourbusinesstochange.Wefocusonwhatisourresponsibilityandwhatwecanchange.

Wesetreasonablegoals.Wetakeourselvesintoaccount.Westriveforbalance.

Sometimes,wegiveourselvesagoodgripesessiontoletitallout,butwedothatappropriately,inawaymeanttotakecareofourselvesandreleaseourfeelings,not
tosabotageourselves.Westrivetoavoidmaliciousgossipandotherselfdefeatingbehaviors.

Weavoidcompetition,striveforcooperationandalovingspirit.Weunderstandthatwemaylikesomepeopleweworkwithanddislikeothers,butstrivetofind
harmonyand

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balancewitheveryone.Wedonotdenyhowwefeelaboutacertainperson,butwestrivetomaintaingoodworkingrelationshipswhereverpossible.

Whenwedon'tknow,wesaywedon'tknow.Whenweneedhelp,weaskforitdirectly.Whenpanicsetsin,weaddressthepanicasaseparateissueandtrynotto
letourworkandbehaviorbecontrolledbypanic.

Westrivetotakeresponsiblecareofourselvesbyappropriatelyaskingforwhatweneedatwork,whilenotneglectingourselves.

Ifwearepartofateam,westriveforhealthyteamworkasanopportunitytolearnhowtoworkincooperationwithothers.

Ifsomethinggetsorfeelscrazy,ifwefindourselvesworkingwithapersonwhoisaddictedorhassomekindofdysfunctionthatistroublesome,wedonotmake
ourselvescrazierbydenyingtheproblem.Weacceptitandstriveinpeacetofigureoutwhatweneedtodototakecareofourselves.

Weletgoofourneedtobemartyrsorrescuersatwork.Weknowwedonothavetostayinsituationsthatmakeusmiserable.Insteadofsabotagingasystemor
ourselves,weplanapositivesolution,understandingweneedtotakeresponsibilityforourselvesalongtheway.

Weremoveourselvesasvictims,andweworkatbelievingwedeservethebest.Wepracticeacceptance,gratitude,andfaith.

Onedayatatime,westrivetoenjoywhatisgood,solvetheproblemsthatareourstosolve,andgivethegiftofourselvesatwork.

Today,IwillpayattentiontowhatrecoverybehaviorsIcouldpracticethatwouldimprovemyworklife.Iwilltakecareofmyselfonthejob.God,helpme
letgoofmyneedtobevictimizedbywork.Helpmebeopentoallthegoodstuffthatisavailabletomethroughwork.

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August29
OwningOurEnergy
Learntokeepyourenergyinside.
Women,Sex,andAddiction
CharlotteDavisKasl,Ph.D.

Formanyreasons,wemayhavemasteredtheartofgivingawayourenergy.Wemayhavelearneditwhenwewereyoungbecausethefeelingswehadweretoo
overwhelmingtofeel,andwedidnotknowhowtoprocessthem.

Muchofourobsessing,ourintensefocusonothers,isdonetofacilitatethis"outofbody"experiencewecallcodependency.

Weobsess,webabble,webecomeanxious.Wetrytocontrol,caretake,andfussoverothers.Ourenergyspillsoutofusontowhomever.

Ourenergyisourenergy.Ourfeelings,thoughts,issues,love,sexualityourmental,physical,spiritual,sexual,creative,andemotionalenergyisours.

Wecanlearntohavehealthyboundarieshealthyparametersaroundourselvesandourenergy.Wecanlearntokeepourenergywithinourselvesanddealwithour
issues.

Ifwearetryingtoescapefromourbody,ifourenergyisspillingoutofusinunhealthyways,wecanaskourselveswhatisgoingon,whatishurtingus,whatweare
avoiding,whatweneedtoface,whatweneedtodealwith.

Then,wecandothat.Wecancomebackhometoliveinourselves.

Today,Iwillkeepmyenergyinmybody.Iwillstayfocusedandwithinmyboundaries.God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtoescapemyself.Helpmefacemy
issuessoIamcomfortablelivinginmybody.

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August30
AcceptingOurBest

Wedon'thavetodoitanybetterthanwecanever.

Doourbestforthemoment,thenletitgo.Ifwehavetoredoit,wecandoourbestinanothermoment,later.

Wecanneverdomoreorbetterthanweareabletodoatthemoment.Wepunishourselvesandmakeourselvesfeelcrazybyexpectingmorethanourreasonable
bestfornow.

Strivingforexcellenceisapositivequality.

Strivingforperfectionisselfdefeating.

Didsomeonetellusorexpectustodoorgiveorbemore?Didsomeonealwayswithholdapproval?

Therecomesatimewhenwefeelwehavedoneourbest.Whenthattimecomes,letitgo.

Therearedayswhenourbestislessthanwehopedfor.Letthosetimesgotoo.Startovertomorrow.Workthingsthrough,untilourbestbecomesbetter.

Thereisatimeforconstructivecriticism,butifthat'sallwegiveourselves,wellgiveup.

Empoweringandcomplimentingourselveswillnotmakeuslazy.Itwillnurtureusandenableustogive,do,andbeourbest.

Today,Iwilldomybest,thenletitgo.God,helpmestopcriticizingmyselfsoIcanstartappreciatinghowfarI'vecome.

August31
Denial

I'vebeenrecoveringmanyyears.I'veuseddenialmanytimes.Ithasbeenadefense,asurvivaldevice,acopingbehavior,and,attimes,almostmyundoing.Ithas
beenbothafriendandanenemy.

WhenIwasachild,Iuseddenialtoprotectmyselfandmyfamily.Iprotectedmyselffromseeingthingstoopainfultoseeandfeelingstoooverwhelmingtofeel.
Denialgotme

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safelythroughmanytraumaticsituations,whenIhadnootherresourcesforsurvival.

ThenegativeaspectofusingdenialwasthatIlosttouchwithmyselfandmyfeelings.IbecameabletoparticipateinharmfulsituationswithoutevenknowingIwas
hurting.Iwasabletotolerateagreatdealofpainandabusewithoutthefoggiestnotionitwasabnormal.

Ilearnedtoparticipateinmyownabuse.

Denialprotectedmefrompain,butitalsorenderedmeblindtomyfeelings,myneeds,andmyself.Itwaslikeathickblanketthatcoveredandsmotheredme.

Eventually,Ibegantorecover.Ihadaglimpseofawarenessaboutmypain,myfeelings,mybehaviors.Ibegantoseemyself,andtheworld,aswewere.Therewas
somuchdenialfrommypastthathadtheblanketbeenentirelyrippedfromme,Iwouldhavediedfromtheshockofexposure.Ineededtoembraceinsights,
remembrances,awareness,andhealinggently,gradually.

Lifeparticipatedinthisprocesswithme.Itisagentleteacher.AsIrecovered,IwasbroughttotheincidentsandpeopleIneededinordertoremindmeofwhatIwas
stilldenying,totellmewhereIrequiredmorehealingfrommypast,asIcouldhandletheseinsights.

Istilluse,andbreakthrough,denialasneeded.Whenthewindsofchangeblowthrough,upsettingafamiliarstructureandpreparingmeforthenew,Ipickupmy
blanketandhide,forawhile.Sometimes,whensomeoneIlovehasaproblem,Ihideundertheblanket,momentarily.Memoriesemergeofthingsdenied,memories
thatneedtoberemembered,felt,andacceptedsoIcancontinuetobecomehealedstrongandhealthy.

Sometimes,Ifeelashamedabouthowlongittakesmetostrugglethroughtoacceptanceofreality.IfeelembarrassedwhenIfindmyselfagaincloudedbythefogof
denial.

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Thensomethinghappens,andIseethatIammovingforward.Theexperiencewasnecessary,connected,notatallamistake,butanimportantpartofhealing.

It'sanexcitingprocess,thisjourneycalledrecovery,butIunderstandImaysometimesusedenialtohelpmegetthroughtheroughspots.I'malsoawarethatdenialis
afriend,andanenemy.I'monthealertfordangersigns:thosecloudy,confusedfeelings...sluggishenergy...feelingcompulsive...runningtoofastorhard..
.avoidingsupportmechanisms.

I'vegainedahealthyrespectforourneedtousedenialasablankettowrapourselvesinwhenwebecometoocold.Itisn'tmyjobtorunaroundrippingpeople's
blanketsofforshamingothersforusingtheblanket.Shamingmakesthemcolder,makesthemwrapthemselvesmoretightlyintheblanket.Yankingtheirblanketaway
isdangerous.Theycoulddieofexposure,thesamewayIcouldhave.

I'velearnedthebestthingIcandoaroundpeoplewhoarewrappedinthisblanketistomakethemfeelwarmandsafe.Thewarmerandsafertheyfeel,themoreable
theyaretodroptheirblanket.Idon'thavetosupportorencouragetheirdenial.Icanbedirect.Ifothersareindenialaboutaparticularthing,andtheiractivityis
harmfultome,Idon'thavetobearoundthem.Icanwishthemwellandtakecareofmyself.Yousee,ifIstandtoolongaroundsomeonewhoisharmingme,Iwill
inevitablypickupmyblanketagain.

Itendtobeattractedtowarmpeople.WhenI'maroundwarmpeople,Idon'tneedtousemyblanket.

I'vegainedrespectforcreatingwarmenvironments,whereblanketsarenotneeded,oratleastnotneededforlong.I'vegainedtrustinthewaypeoplehealfromand
dealwithlife.

God,helpmebeopentoandtrusttheprocessthatishealingmefromallIhavedeniedfrommypast.Helpmestriveforawarenessandacceptance,but
alsohelpmepracticegentlenessandcompassionformyselfandothersforthosetimesIhaveuseddenial.

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September

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September1
Patience

Sometimeswegetwhatwewantrightaway.Atothertimes,wewonderifourdesireswilleverbefulfilled.

Wewillbefulfilledinthebestwaypossibleandasquicklyaspossible.Butsomethingstaketime.Sometimes,wehavelessonstolearnfirst,lessonsthatprepareusso
wecanacceptthegoodwedeserve.Thingsarebeingworkedoutinus,andinothers.Blocksinusarebeingremoved.Asolidfoundationisbeinglaid.

Bepatient.Relaxandtrust.Letgo.Then,letgosomemore.Goodthingsareplannedforus.Wewillreceivethematthefirstavailablemoment.Wewillhaveallour
heartlongsfor.

Relaxandtrust.

Today,IwillidentifywhatIwantandneedthen,I'llbewillingtoletgoofit.Iwilldevotemyenergytolivingmylifetoday,soImaymastermylessonsas
quicklyaspossible.IwilltrustthatwhatIwantandneediscomingtome.Iwillletgoofmyneedtocontrolthedetails.

September2
DetachingwithLovewithChildren
It'sonethingtoletgoofmyhusbandandlethimsuffertheconsequences.ButhowdoIletgoofmychildren?Isn'titdifferentwithchildren?Don'twehaveresponsibilitiesas
parents?
AlAnonmember

Wedohavedifferentresponsibilitiestoourchildrenthantootheradults.Wearefinanciallyresponsibleforourchildrenweareresponsibleforprovidingfortheir
materialandphysicalneeds.

Ourchildrenneedtobetaughthowtohelpthemselvesfromtyingtheirshoestomakingsocialplans.Theyneed

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ourloveandguidance.Theyneedconsistentenforcementofboundaries,oncewe'veestablishedlimits.Theyneedasupportive,nurturingenvironmentinwhichto
grow.Theyneedhelplearningvalues.

Butwearenotresponsibleforcontrollingourchildren.Contrarytopopularbelief,controllingdoesn'twork.Disciplineandnurturingdoifcombined.Shameandguilt
interferewithourchildren'slearningandourparenting.Weneedtorespondtoourchildreninaresponsiblewayandholdthemaccountablefortheiractionsatanage
appropriatelevel.Weneedonlydoourbest.

Wecanletourchildrenhavetheirownprocessoflivingwecanhaveourownprocess.And,wecantakecareofourselvesduringthatprocess.Seekbalance.Seek
wisdom.Seeknottohavecontrol,buttoownourpoweraspeoplewhoareparents.

Today,God,helpmefindanappropriatebalanceofresponsibilitytomychildren.Helpmeparentthroughnurturinganddiscipline,insteadofcontrol.

September3
WordPower
IknowI'mcontrolling,butsoismyhusband.PossiblymorecontrollingthanIam.EachtimeIsetouttoleavehim,eachtimeIstartedtowalkaway,heknewexactlywhattosayto
pullmebackin.AndheknewI'drespond.HeknewhowtosayexactlywhatIneededtoheartokeepmewherehewantedme.Heknewwhathewasdoing,andheknewwhat

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Iwoulddo.Iknow,becauseafterwebeganrecovering,hetoldmeso.
Anonymous

Someofusaresovulnerabletowords.

Awelltimed''Iloveyou.''Achosenmomentfor"I'msorry."Anexcusedeliveredintherighttoneofvoice.Apatonthehead.Adozenroses.Akiss.Agreeting
card.Afewwordsthatpromiselovethathasyettobedeliveredcanspinusintodenial.Sometimes,itcankeepusdenyingthatwearebeingliedto,mistreated,or
abused.

Therearethosewhodeliberatelysetouttoswayus,tocontrolandmanipulateusthroughcheaptalk!Theyknow,theyfullyunderstandourvulnerabilitytoafewwell
timedwords!Breakthroughyournaivete.Theyknowwhatthey'redoing.Theyunderstandtheirimpactonus!

Wedonothavetogivesuchpowertowords,eventhoughthewordsmaybejustwhatwewantandneedtohear,eventhoughtheysoundsogood,eventhoughthe
wordsseemtostopthepain.

Soonerorlater,wewillcometorealizethatifbehaviordoesn'tmatchaperson'swords,weareallowingourselvestobecontrolled,manipulated,deceived.Sooneror
later,wewillcometorealizethattalkischeap,unlesstheperson'sbehaviormatchesit.

Wecancometodemandcongruencyinthebehaviorandthewordsofthosearoundus.Wecanlearntonotbemanipulated,orswayed,bycheaptalk.

Wecannotcontrolwhatothersdo,butwecanchooseourownbehaviorsandourowncourseofaction.Wedonothavetoletcheap,welltimedtalkcontrolus
evenifthewordswehearareexactlywhatwewanttoheartostopourpain.

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Today,Iwillletgoofmyvulnerabilitytowords.God,helpmetrustmyselftoknowthetruth,evenwhenIambeingdeceived.Helpmecherishthose
relationshipswherethereiscongruity.HelpmebelieveIdeservecongruityandtruthinthebehaviorandthewordsofthoseIcareabout.

September4
FindingDirection
Iusedtospendsomuchtimereactingandrespondingtoeveryoneelsethatmylifehadnodirection.Otherpeople'slives,problems,andwantssetthecourseformylife.OnceI
realizeditwasokayformetothinkaboutandidentifywhatIwanted,remarkablethingsbegantotakeplaceinmylife.
Anonymous

Weeachhavealifetolive,onethathaspurposeandmeaning.WecanhelpourHigherPowergivedirectionandpurposetoourlifebysettinggoals.

Wecansetgoalsannually,monthly,ordailyintimesofcrisis.Goalscreatedirectionandpacegoalshelpusachieveamanageablelifethatisdirectedinthecoursewe
chooseforourselves.

Wecanhelpgiveourlivesdirectionbysettinggoals.

Today,Iwillpayattentiontosettingacourseofactionformylife,ratherthanlettingotherscontrolmylifeandaffairs.

September5
StepTen
Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.
StepTenofAlAnon

OncewehaveworkedourwaytothisStep,wecanmaintainandincreaseourselfesteembyregularlyworkingStepTen.

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ThisStepincorporatestheprocesswehavegonethroughinStepsFourthroughNine.WedonotworkthisSteptopunishourselvesortoholdourselvesundera
constantlycriticalanddemeaningmicroscope.Wedoittomaintainselfesteemandharmonyinourrelationshipwithourselvesandothers.Wedoittostayontrack.

Whenanissueorproblememergesandneedsourattention,identifyitandopenlydiscussitwithatleastonesafepersonandGod.Acceptit.Becomewillingtoletgo
ofit.AskGodtotakeitfromus.Haveachangeofheartbythewillingnesstomakewhateveramendiscalledfortodowhatisnecessarytotakecareofourselves.
Takeanappropriateactiontoresolvethematter.Thenletgooftheguiltandshame.

Thisisasimpleformulafortakingcareofourselves.Thisishowwechange.Thisishowwebecomechanged.Thisistheprocessforhealingandhealth.Thisisthe
processforachievingselfresponsibilityandselfesteem.

Thenexttimewedosomethingthatbothersus,thenexttimewefeelofftrackoroffcourse,wedon'thavetowasteourtimeorenergyfeelingashamed.Wecantake
aTenthStep.Lettheprocesshappen.Andmoveonwithourlife.

God,helpmemakethisStepandotherStepsahabitualwayofrespondingtolifeandmyissues.HelpmeknowthatIamfreetolive,toallowmyselfto
fullyexperimentwithandexperiencelife.IfIgetoffcourse,orifanissuearisesthatdemandsmyattention,helpmedealwithitbyusingtheTenthStep.

September6
TheGoodinStepTen

StepTensays:"Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit"Itdoesnotsuggestthatweignorewhatisrightinourlife.Itsays
we

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continuetotakeapersonalinventoryandkeepafocusonourselves.

Whenwetakeaninventory,wewillwanttolookformanythings.Wecansearchoutfeelingsthatneedourattention.Wecanlookforlowselfesteemcreepingback
in.Wecanlookforoldwaysofthinking,feeling,andbehaving.Wecanlookformistakesthatneedcorrecting.

Butacriticalpartofourinventorycanfocusonwhatwe'redoingrightandonallthatisgoodaroundus.

Partofourcodependencyisanobsessivefocusonwhat'swrongandwhatwemightbedoingwrongrealorimagined.Inrecoverywe'relearningtofocusonwhat's
right.

Lookfearlessly,withaloving,positiveeye.Whatdidyoudorighttoday?Didyoubehavedifferentlytodaythanyouwouldhaveayearago?Didyoureachoutto
someoneandallowyourselftobevulnerable?Youcancomplimentyourselfforthat.

Didyouhaveabaddaybutdealteffectivelywithit?Didyoupracticegratitudeoracceptance?Didyoutakearisk,ownyourpower,orsetaboundary?Didyoutake
responsibilityforyourselfinawaythatyoumightnothavebefore?

Didyoutaketimeforprayerormeditation?DidyoutrustGod?Didyouletsomeonedosomethingforyou?

Evenonourworstdays,wecanfindonethingwedidright.Wecanfindsomethingtofeelhopefulabout.Wecanfindsomethingtolookforwardto.Wecanfocus
realisticallyonvisionsofwhatcanbe.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtostayimmersedinnegativity.Icanchangetheenergyinmyselfandmyenvironmentfromnegativetopositive.Iwill
affirmthegooduntilitsinksinandfeelsreal.IwillalsostrivetofindonequalitythatIlikeaboutsomeoneelsewho'simportanttome,andIwilltakethe
riskoftellinghimorherthat.

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September7
PowerlessoverOthers

Stopmakingexcusesforotherpeople.

Stopmakingexcusesforourselves.

Whileitisourgoaltodevelopcompassionandachieveforgiveness,acceptance,andlove,itisalsoourgoaltoacceptrealityandholdpeopleaccountablefortheir
behavior.Wecanalsoholdourselvesaccountableforourownbehaviorand,atthesametime,havecompassionandunderstandingforourselves.

Whenweclaimpowerlessness,wearenotclaimingirresponsibility.Wehavenopowertocontrolothers,whattheydo,whattheydid,orwhattheymightdo.We're
statingthatwearewillingtoendanineffectivelifebasedonwillpowerandcontrol.Andwe'rebeginningaspiritual,mental,andemotionaljourneyinwhichwetake
responsibilityforourselves.

Wearenotvictims.Wearenothelpless.Acceptingpowerlessnesswhenthatisappropriateenablesustobeginowningourtruepowertotakecareofourselves.

Today,Iwillavoidmakingexcusesformyownorsomeoneelse'sbehavior.Iwillletconsequencesandresponsibilityfallwheretheybelong.

September8

Someofmyfeelingshavebeenstoredsolongtheyhavefreezerburn.
BeyondCodependency

Therearemanysourcesofpaininourlife.Thoseofusrecoveringfromadultchildrenandcodependencyissuesfrequentlyhaveacesspoolofunresolvedpainfromthe
past.Wehavefeelings,sometimesfromearlychildhoodtothe

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present,thateitherhurttoomuchtofeelorthatwehadnosupportandpermissiontodealwith.

Thereareotherinevitablesourcesofpaininourlifetoo.Thereisthesadnessandgriefthatcomeswhenweexperiencechange,evengoodchange,asweletgoofone
partofourlife,andbeginourjourneyintothenew.

Thereispaininrecovery,aswebeginallowingourselvestofeelwhiledroppingourprotectiveshieldofdenial.

Thereisthepainthatleadsandguidesusintobetterchoicesforourfuture.

Wehavemanychoicesabouthowtostopthispain.Wemayhaveexperimentedwithdifferentoptions.Compulsiveandaddictivebehaviorsstoppaintemporarily.
Wemayhaveusedalcohol,otherdrugs,relationships,orsextostopourpain.

Wemaytalkcompulsivelyorcompulsivelyfocusonotherpeopleandtheirneedsasawaytoavoidorstopourpain.

Wemayusereligiontoavoidourfeelings.

Wemayresorttodenialofhowwearefeelingtostopourpain.

Wemaystaysobusythatwedon'thavetimetofeel.Wemayusemoney,exercise,orfoodtostopourpain.

Wehavemanychoices.Tosurvive,wemayhaveusedsomeoftheseoptions,onlytofindthatthesewereBandAidstemporarypainrelieversthatdidnotsolvethe
problem.Theydidnotreallystopourpaintheypostponedit.

Inrecovery,thereisabetterchoiceabouthowwemaystoppain.Wecanfaceitandfeelit.Whenweareready,withourHigherPower'shelp,wecansummonthe
couragetofeelthepain,letitgo,andletthepainmoveusforwardintoanewdecision,abetterlife.

Wecanstopthebehaviorswearedoingthatcausepain,ifthat'sappropriate.Wecanmakeadecisiontoremoveourselvesfromsituationsthatcauserepeated,
similarpain.Wecanlearnthelessonourpainistryingtoteachus.

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Ifwearebeingpelletedbypain,thereisalesson.Trustthatidea.Somethingisbeingworkedoutinus.Theanswerwillnotcomefromaddictiveorothercompulsive
behaviorswewillreceivetheanswerwhenwefeelourfeelings.

Ittakescouragetobewillingtostandstillandfeelwhatwemustfeel.Sometimes,wehavewhatseemslikeendlesslayersofpaininsideus.Painhurts.Griefhurts.
Sadnesshurts.Itdoesnotfeelgood.Butneitherdoesdenyingwhatisalreadythereneitherdoeslivingalifetimewitholdandnewpocketsofpainpacked,stored,
andstackedwithin.

Itwillonlyhurtforawhile,nolongerthannecessary,tohealus.Wecantrustthatifwemustfeelpain,itispartofhealing,anditisgood.Wecanbecomewillingto
surrendertoandaccepttheinevitablepainfulfeelingsthatareagoodpartofrecovery.

Gowiththeflow,evenwhentheflowtakesusthroughuncomfortablefeelings.Release,freedom,healing,andgoodfeelingsareontheotherside.

Today,IamopenandwillingtofeelwhatIneedtofeel.Iamwillingtostopmycompulsivebehaviors.Iamwillingtoletgoofmydenial.Iamwillingto
feelwhatIneedtofeeltobehealed,healthyandwhole.

September9
Perspective

Toooften,wetrytogainaclearperspectivebeforeitistime.

Thatwillmakeuscrazy.

Wedonotalwaysknowwhythingsarehappeningthewaytheyare.Wedonotalwaysknowhowaparticularrelationshipwillworkout.Wedonotalways
understandthesourceofourfeelings,whywe'vebeenleddownaparticularpath,whatisbeingworkedoutinus,whatwearelearning,whyweneededtorecycle,
whywehadtowait,whyweneededtogothroughatimeofdiscipline,orwhyadoorclosed.How

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ourpresentcircumstanceswillworkintothelargerschemeofeventsisnotalwayscleartous.Thatishowitneedstobe.

Perspectivewillcomeinretrospect.

Wecouldstrainforhourstodayforthemeaningofsomethingthatmaycomeinaninstantnextyear.

Letitgo.Wecanletgoofourneedtofigurethingsout,tofeelincontrol.

Nowisthetimetobe.Tofeel.Togothroughit.Toallowthingstohappen.Tolearn.Toletwhateverisbeingworkedoutinustakeitscourse.

Inhindsight,wewillknow.Itwillbecomeclear.Fortoday,beingisenough.Wehavebeentoldthatallthingsshallworkoutforgoodinourlife.Wecantrustthatto
happen,evenifwecannotseetheplacetoday'seventswillholdinthelargerpicture.

Today,Iwillletthingshappenwithouttryingtofigureeverythingout.Ifclarityisnotavailabletometoday,Iwilltrustittocomelater,inretrospect.Iwill
putsimpletrustinthetruththatalliswell,eventsareunfoldingastheyshould,andallwillworkoutforgoodinmylifebetterthanIcanimagine.

September10
SelfApproval

Mostofuswanttobeliked.Wewantotherpeopletothinkofusasnice,friendly,kind,andloving.Mostofuswanttheapprovalofothers.

Sincechildhood,someofushavebeentryingtogetapproval,tryingtogetpeopletolikeusandthinkhighlyofus.Wemaybeafraidpeoplewillleaveusifthey
disapproveofouractions.Wemaylookforapprovalfrompeoplewhohavenonetogive.Wemaynotknowthatwe'relovablenowandcanlearntoapproveof
ourselves.

Inordertolivehappily,toliveconsistentlywiththewayourHigherPowerwantsustolive,andtotapintoaway

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oflifethatisinharmonywiththeuniverse,weneedtoletgoofourextremeneedforapproval.Theseunmetneedsforapprovalandlovefromourpastgiveothers
controloverustoday.Theseneedscanpreventusfromactinginourbestinterestandbeingtruetoourselves.

Wecanapproveofourselves.Intheend,that'stheonlyapprovalthatcounts.

Today,Iwillletgoofmyneedforapprovalandmyneedtobeliked.Iwillreplacethemwithaneedtolikeandapproveofmyself.IwillenjoythesurpriseI
findwhenIdothis.Thepeoplewhocount,includingmyself,willrespectmewhenIamtruetomyself.

September11
ConflictandDetachment

Inarelationship,therearethosewonderfultimeswhenthingsgosmoothlyforbothpeople,andneitherpersonneedstofocustooheavilyontheconceptof
detachment.Buttherearethosechallengingtimeswhenonepersonisincrisisorchangingandweneedtodetach.

Thentherearestressfulcycleswhenbothpeopleinarelationshipareinthemidstofdealingwithintenseissues.Bothareneedyandneitherhasanythingtogive.

Thesearetimeswhendetachmentandtakingcareofourselvesaredifficult.

Itishelpful,inthesemoments,toidentifytheproblem.Bothpeopleareinthemidstofdealingandhealing.Neitherhasmuchtogive,atleastatthemoment.Andboth
arefeelingparticularlyneedy.

Thatistheproblem.

What'sthesolution?

Theremaynotbeaperfectsolution.Detachmentisstillthekey,butthatcanbedifficultwhenweneedsupportourselves.Infact,theotherpersonmaybeaskingfor
supportratherthanofferingit.

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Wecanstillworktowarddetachment.Wecanstillworkthroughourfeelings.Wecanacceptthisasatemporarycycleintherelationship,andstoplookingtothe
otherpersonforsomethingheorshecannotgiveatthemoment.

Wecanstopexpectingourselvestogiveatthemomentaswell.

Communicationhelps.Identifyingtheproblemandtalkingaboutitwithoutblameorshameisastart.Figuringoutalternativesupportsystems,orwaystogetourneeds
met,helps.

Wearestillresponsiblefortakingcareofourselvesevenwhenweareinthebestofrelationships.Wecanreasonablyexpectconflictsofneedandtheclashingof
issuestooccurinthemostloving,healthyrelationships.

Itisoneofthecyclesoflove,friendship,andfamily.

Ifitisahealthyrelationship,thecrisiswillnotgoonendlessly.Wewillregainourbalance.Theotherpersonwilltoo.Wecanstopmakingourselvessocrazyby
lookingfortheotherpersontobebalancedwhenheorsheisn't.

Talkthingsout.Workthingsout.Keepourexpectationsofourselves,otherpeople,andourrelationshipshealthyandreasonable.

Agoodrelationshipwillbeabletosustainandsurvivelowpoints.Sometimesweneedthem,sowecanbothgrowandlearnseparately.

Sometimes,peoplewhoareusuallythereforuscannotbethereforus.Wecanfindanotherwaytotakecareofourselves.

Today,Iwillrememberthatmybestrelationshipshavelowpoints.Ifthelowpointisthenorm,Imaywanttoconsiderthedesirabilityoftherelationship.If
thelowpointisatemporarycycle,Iwillpracticeunderstandingformyselfandtheotherperson.God,helpmerememberthatthehelpandsupportIwant
andneeddoesnotcomeintheformofonlyoneperson.Helpmebeopentohealthyoptionsfortakingcareofmyself,ifmynormalsupportsystemisnot
available.

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September12
Healing
Weshouldlearnnottogrowimpatientwiththeslowhealingprocessoftime.Weshoulddisciplineourselvestorecognizethattherearemanystepstobetakenalongthehighway
leadingfromsorrowtorenewedserenity....Weshouldanticipatethesestagesinouremotionalconvalescence:unbearablepain,poignantgrief,emptydays,resistanceto
consolation,disinterestednessinlife,graduallygivingway...tothenewweavingofapatternofactionandtheacceptanceoftheirresistiblechallengeoflife.
JoshuaLothLiebman

Recoveryisaprocess.Itisagradualprocess,ahealingprocess,andaspiritualprocessajourneyratherthanadestination.

Justascodependencytakesonalifeofitsownandisprogressive,sorecoveryprogresses.Onethingleadstoanotherandthingsaswellasusgetbetter.

Wecanrelax,doourpart,andlettheresthappen.

Today,IwilltrustthisprocessandthisjourneythatIhaveundertaken.

September13
TimesofReprogramming

Recoveryisnotalltiresome,unrewardedwork.Therearetimesofjoyandrest,timeswhenwecomfortablypracticewhatwehavelearned.Therearetimesof
change,timeswhenwestruggletolearnsomethingneworovercomeaparticularproblem.

Thesearethetimeswhenwhatwe'vebeenpracticinginrecoverybeginstoshowinourlife.Thesetimesofchangeareintense,butpurposeful.

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Therearealsotimeswhen,atadeeplevel,wearebeing''reprogrammed''Westartlettinggoofbeliefsandbehaviors.Wemayfeelfrightenedorconfusedduring
thesetimes.Ouroldbehaviorsorpatternsmaynothaveworkedforus,buttheywerecomfortableandfamiliar.

Duringthesetimeswemayfeelvulnerable,lonely,andneedylikeweareonajourneywithoutaroadmaporaflashlight,andwefeelasifnoonehastraveledthis
groundbefore.

Wemaynotunderstandwhatisbeingworkedoutinus.Wemaynotknowwhereorifwearebeingled.

Wearebeingled.Wearenotalone.OurHigherPowerisworkingHisfinestandbesttobringtruechangeinus.Othershavetraveledthisroadtoo.Wewillbeledto
someonewhocanhelpus,someonewhocanprovidethemarkersweneed.

Wearebeingpreparedforreceivingasmuchjoyandloveasourheartcanhold.

Recoveryisahealingprocess.Wecantrustit,evenwhenwedon'tunderstandit.Wearerightwhereweneedtobeinthisprocesswe'regoingthroughexactlywhat
weneedtoexperience.Andwherewe'regoingisbetterthananyplacewe'vebeen.

Today,God,helpmebelievethatthechangesI'mgoingthroughareforthegood.HelpmebelievethattheroadI'mtravelingwillleadtoaplaceoflight,
love,andjoy.

September14
What'sGoodforMe?

Whenwearesoulsearching,beitforthesmallerorlargerdecisionswefaceduringtheday,wecanlearntoask,isthisgoodforme?...IsthiswhatIreallywant?...
.IsthiswhatIneed?...Doesthisdirectionfeelrightforme?...OramI

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succumbingtothecontrolandinfluencethatIsometimesallowotherstohaveoverme?

Itisnotunhealthyselfishnesstoquestionifsomethingisgoodforus.Thatisanoldwayofthinking.Toaskifsomethingisgoodforusisahealthybehavior,nottobe
ashamedof,andwillprobablyworkoutintheotherperson'sbestintereststoo.

Weshallnotwanderdownaselfishpathofselfindulgencebyaskingifathingisgoodforus.WeshallnotstrayfromGod'sintendedplan,God'shighestgood,by
askingifathingisgoodforus.Byaskingourselvesthissimplequestion,weparticipateindirectingourlifetowardthehighestgoodandpurposeweownourpower
toholdourselvesinselfesteem.

Today,Iwillbeginactinginmybestinterests.Iwilldothiswiththeunderstandingthat,onoccasion,mychoiceswillnotpleaseeveryonearoundme.Iwill
dothiswiththeunderstandingthataskingifathingisgoodformewillultimatelyhelpmetaketrueresponsibilityformylifeandmychoices.

September15
GettingThroughHardTimes
Wearesturdybeings.Butinmanyways,wearefragile.Wecanacceptchangeandloss,butthiscomesatourownpaceandinourownway.AndonlyweandGodcandeterminethe
timing.
CodependentNoMore

Hardtimes,stressfultimes,arenotallthereistolife,buttheyarepartoflife,growth,andmovingforward.

Whatwedowithhardtimes,orhardenergy,isourchoice.

Wecanusetheenergyofhardtimestoworkout,andworkthrough,ourissues.Wecanuseittofinetuneourskillsandourspirituality.Orwecangothroughthese

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situationssuffering,storingupbitterness,andrefusingtogroworchange.

Hardtimescanmotivateandmoldustobringoutourbest.Wecanusethesetimestomoveforwardandupwardtohigherlevelsofliving,loving,andgrowth.

Thechoiceisours.Willweletourselvesfeel?Willwetakeaspiritualapproach,includinggratitude,towardtheevent?WillwequestionlifeandourHigherPowerby
askingwhatwe'resupposedtobelearninganddoing?Orwillweusetheincidenttoproveold,negativebeliefs?Willwesay,"Nothinggoodeverhappenstome....
I'mjustavictim....Peoplecan'tbetrusted....Lifeisn'tworthliving"?

Wedonotalwaysrequirehardenergy,orstress,tomotivateustogrowandchange.Wedonothavetocreatestress,seekit,orattractit.Butifit'sthere,wecan
learntochannelitintogrowthanduseitforachievingwhat'sgoodinlife.

God,letmyhardtimesbehealingtimes.

September16
Revenge

Nomatterhowlongwe'vebeenrecovering,nomatterhowsolidourspiritualground,wemaystillfeelanoverwhelmingdesireattimestopunish,orgeteven,with
anotherperson.

Wewantrevenge.

Wewanttoseetheotherpersonhurtthewayheorshehashurtus.Wewanttoseelifedealthatpersonjustrewards.Infact,wewouldliketohelplifeout.

Thosearenormalfeelings,butwedonothavetoactonthem.Thesefeelingsarepartofourangerbutit'snotourjobtodealjustice.

Wecanallowourselvestofeeltheanger.Itishelpfultogoonestepdeeperandletourselvesfeeltheotherfeelingsthehurt,thepain,theanguish.Butourgoalisto
release

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thefeelings,andbefinishedwiththem.

Wecanholdtheotherpersonaccountable.Wecanholdtheotherpersonresponsible.Butitisnotourresponsibilitytobejudgeandjury.Activelyseekingrevenge
willnothelpus.Itwillblockusandholdusback.

Walkaway.Stopplayingthegame.Unhook.Learnyourlesson.Thanktheotherpersonforhavingtaughtyousomethingvaluable.Andbefinishedwithit.Putit
behind,withthelessonintact.

Acceptancehelps.Sodoesforgivenessnotthekindthatinvitesthatpersontouseusagain,butaforgivenessthatreleasestheotherpersonandsetshimorherfree
towalkaseparatepath,whilereleasingourangerandresentments.Thatsetsusfreetowalkourownpath.

Today,IwillbeasangryasIneedtobe,withagoaloffinishingmybusinesswithothers.OnceIhavereleasedmyhurtandanger,Iwillstriveforhealthy
forgivenessforgivenesswithboundaries.Iunderstandthatboundaries,coupledwithforgivenessandcompassion,willmovemeforward.

September17
NewRelationshipBehaviors

Wetalkmuchaboutnewrelationshipbehaviorsinrecovery:allowingotherstobethemselveswithoutoverreactingandtakingitpersonally,andowningourpowerto
takecareofourselves.Wetalkaboutlettinggoofourneedtocontrol,focusingonselfresponsibility,andnotsettingourselvesuptobevictimsbyfocusingonthe
otherpersonwhileneglectingourselves.Wetalkabouthavingandsettinghealthyboundaries,talkingdirectly,andtakingresponsibilityforwhatwewantandneed.

Whilethesebehaviorscertainlyhelpusdealwithaddictedpeople,thesearenotbehaviorsintendedonlyforuseinwhatwecall"dysfunctionalrelationships"

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Thesebehaviorsareournewrelationshipbehaviors.Theyhelpusinstressfulrelationships.Theycanhelpusgetthroughtimesofstressinhealthyrelationships.

Therecoverybehaviorswearelearningaretoolshealthyrelationshipsskillsthathelpusimprovethequalityofallourrelationships.

Recoverymeansselfcarelearningtotakecareofourselvesandloveourselveswithpeople.Thehealthierwebecome,thehealthierourrelationshipswillbecome.
Andwellneveroutgrowourneedforhealthybehaviors.

Today,Iwillremembertoapplymyrecoverybehaviorsinallmyrelationshipswithfriendsandcoworkers,aswellasinanyspecialloverelationship.I
willworkhardattakingcareofmyselfinthetroublesomerelationships,figuringoutwhichskillmightbestapply.Iwillalsoconsiderwaysthatmyhealthy
relationshipsmightbenefitfrommynewrelationshipskills.

September18
LettingtheGoodStuffHappen

Beforerecovery,myrelationshipswerelousy.Ididn'tdoverywellonmyjob.Iwasenmeshedinmydysfunctionalfamily.ButatleastIknewwhattoexpect!
Anonymous

Iwantthesecondhalfofmylifetobeasgoodasthefirsthalfwasmiserable.Sometimes,I'mafraiditwon'tbe.Sometimes,I'mfrighteneditmightbe.

Thegoodstuffcanscareus.Change,evengoodchange,canbefrightening.Insomeways,goodchangescanbemorefrighteningthanthehardtimes.

Thepast,particularlybeforerecovery,mayhavebecomecomfortablyfamiliar.Weknewwhattoexpectinourrelationships.Theywerepredictable.Theywere
repeatsofthesamepatternthesamebehaviors,thesamepain,overand

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overagain.Theymaynothavebeenwhatwewanted,butweknewwhatwasgoingtohappen.

Thisisnotsowhenwechangepatternsandbeginrecovering.

Wemayhavebeenfairlygoodatpredictingeventsinmostareasofourlife.Relationshipswouldbepainful.We'dbedeprived.

Eachyearwouldbealmostarepeatofthelast.Sometimesitgotalittleworse,sometimesalittlebetter,butthechangewasn'tdrastic.Notuntilthemomentwhenwe
beganrecovery.

Thenthingschanged.Andthefurtherweprogressinthismiraculousprogram,themoreweandourcircumstanceschange.Webegintoexploreunchartedterritory.

Thingsgetgood.Theydogetbetterallthetime.Webegintobecomesuccessfulinlove,inwork,inlife.Onedayatatime,thegoodstuffbeginstohappenandthe
miserydissipates.

Wenolongerwanttobeavictimoflife.We'velearnedtoavoidunnecessarycrisisandtrauma.

Lifegetsgood.

"HowdoIhandlethegoodstuff?"askedonewoman."It'sharderandmoreforeignthanthepainandtragedy."

"Thesamewaywehandledthedifficultandthepainfulexperiences,"Ireplied."Onedayatatime."

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobeinpainandcrisis.Helpmemoveasswiftlyaspossiblethroughsadfeelingsandproblems.Helpmefindmy
baseandbalanceinpeace,joy,andgratitude.Helpmeworkashardatacceptingwhat'sgoodasIhaveworkedinthepastatacceptingthepainfulandthe
difficult.

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September19
Apologies

Sometimes,weactinamannerwithwhichwearelessthancomfortable.That'shuman.That'swhywehavethewords:"I'msorry."Theyhealandbridgethegap.But
wedon'thavetosay"I'msorry"ifwedidn'tdoanythingwrong.Asenseofshamecankeepusapologizingforeverythingwedo,everywordwesay,forbeingalive
andbeingwhoweare.

Wedon'thavetoapologizefortakingcareofourselves,dealingwithfeelings,settingboundaries,havingfun,orgettinghealthy.

Weneverhavetochangeourcourse,ifitisinourbestinterest,butsometimesageneralapologyacknowledgesotherfeelingsandcanbeusefulwhentheissuesofa
circumstanceorrelationshiparenotclear.Wemightsay:"I'msorryforthefusswehad.I'msorryifwhatIneededtodototakecareofmyselfhurtyouitwasnot
intendedthatway."

Oncewemakeanapology,wedon'thavetokeeprepeatingit.Ifsomeonewantstokeeponextricatinganapologyfromusforthesameincident,thatistheperson's
issue,andwedon'thavetogethooked.

Wecanlearntotakeourapologiesseriouslyandnothandthemoutwhenthey'renotvalid.Whenwefeelgoodaboutourselves,weknowwhenit'stimetosaywe're
sorryandwhenit'snot.

Today,Iwilltrytobeclearandhealthyinmyapologies,takingresponsibilityformyactionsandnobodyelse's.God,helpmefigureoutwhatIneedto
apologizeforandwhatisnotmyresponsibility.

September20
Spontaneity

Inrecovery,we'relearningtoletourselvesgo!We'relearningtobespontaneous.

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Spontaneitymayfrightensomeofus.Wemaybeafraidofthelossofcontrolinvolvedwithspontaneity.Wemaystillbeoperatingunderthecodependentrulesthat
prohibitspontaneity:begoodberightbeperfectbestrongdon'thavefunandalwaysbeincontrol.

Wemayassociatespontaneitywithactingoutinanaddictive,compulsive,selfdestructive,orirresponsiblemanner.

That'snotwhatwe'retalkingaboutinrecovery.Positivespontaneityinvolvesfreelyexpressingwhoweareinawaythatisfun,healthy,doesn'thurtus,anddoesn't
infringeontherightsofothers.

Welearntobespontaneousandfreeaswegrowinselfawarenessandselfesteem.Spontaneityemergesasourconfidenceandtrustinourselvesincrease,andwe
becomemoresecureinourabilitytomaintainhealthyboundaries.

Beingspontaneousisconnectedtoourabilitytoplayandtoachieveintimacy.Forallthosedesirableacts,weneedtobeabletoletgoofourneedtocontrol
ourselvesandothers,andfullyandfreelyenterintothepresentmoment.

Letgoofyourtightreinonyourself.Sowhatifyoumakeamistake?Sowhatifyou'rewrong?Relishyourimperfections.Letyourselfbealittleneedy,alittle
vulnerable.Takearisk!

Wecanbespontaneouswithouthurtingourselves,orothers.Infact,everyonewillbenefitbyourspontaneity.

Today,IwillthrowouttherulebookandenjoybeingwhoIam.Iwillhavesomefunwiththegiftoflife,myself,andothers.

September21
LettingGoofUrgency

Onethingatatime.

That'sallwehavetodo.Nottwothingsatonce,butonethingdoneinpeace.

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Onetaskatatime.Onefeelingatatime.Onedayatatime.Oneproblematatime.Onestepatatime.

Onepleasureatatime.

Relax.Letgoofurgency.Begincalmlynow.Takeonethingatatime.

Seehoweverythingworksout?

Today,Iwillpeacefullyapproachonethingatatime.Whenindoubt,Iwilltakefirstthingsfirst.

September22
TrustingOurselves

ManyofusbelievedthatheedingthewordsofGodorourHigherPowermeantfollowingrigidrules,aninstructionbookletforlife.

Manyofusnowbelievedifferently.Therigidrules,theendlessinstructions,theexhortationtoperfection,arenotthewordsourHigherPowerwhispers.

ThewordsofGodareoftenthosestill,smallwordswecallintuitionorinstinct,leadingandguidingusforward.

Wearefreetobewhoweare,tolistentoandtrustourselves.Wearefreetolistentothegentle,lovingwordsofaHigherPower,wordswhisperedtoandthrough
eachofus.

Today,helpme,God,toletgoofshamebasedrigidrules.Iwillchoosethefreedomofloving,listeningandtrusting.

September23
Tolerance

Practicetolerance.

Tolerateourquirks,ourfeelings,ourreactions,ourpeculiarities,ourhumanness.Tolerateourupsanddowns,ourresistancetochange,ourstrugglingandsometimes
awkwardnature.

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Tolerateourfears,ourmistakes,ournaturaltendencytoduckfromproblemsandpain.Tolerateourhesitancytogetclose,exposeourselves,bevulnerable.

Tolerateourneedtooccasionallyfeelsuperior,tosometimesfeelashamed,andtooccasionallyshareloveasanequal.Toleratethewayweprogressafewsteps
forward,andacoupleback.

Tolerateourinstinctivedesiretocontrolandhowwereluctantlylearntopracticedetachment.Toleratethewaywesaywewantlove,andthensometimespushothers
away.Tolerateourtendencytogetobsessive,forgettotrustGod,andoccasionallygetstuck.

Somethingswedonottolerate.Donottolerateabusiveordestructivebehaviorstowardothersorourselves.

Practicehealthy,lovingtoleranceofourselves,saidoneman.Whenwedo,welllearntoleranceforothers.Then,takeitonestepfurther.Learnthatallthehumanness
we'retoleratingiswhatmakesourselvesandothersbeautiful.

Today,Iwillbetolerantofmyself.Fromthat,Iwilllearnappropriatetoleranceofothers.

September24
AllowingOurselvestobeNeedy

Wecanacceptourselvesaspeoplewhohaveneedstheneedforcomfort,love,understanding,friendship,healthytouch.Weneedpositivereinforcement,someone
tolistentous,someonetogivetous.Wearenotweakforneedingthesethings.Theseneedsmakeushumanandhealthy.Gettingourneedsmetbelievingwe
deservetohavethemmetmakesushappy.

Therearetimes,too,wheninadditiontoourregularneeds,webecomeparticularlyneedy.Atthesetimes,weneedmorethanwehavetogiveout.Thatisokaytoo.

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Wecanacceptandincorporateourneeds,andourneedyside,intothewholeofus.Wecantakeresponsibilityforourneeds.Thatdoesn'tmakeusweakor
deficient.Itdoesn'tmeanwearenotproperlyrecovering,nordoesitmeanwe'rebeingdependentinanunhealthyway.Itmakesourneeds,andourneedyside,
manageable.Ourneedsstopcontrollingus,andwegaincontrol.

And,ourneedsbegintogetmet.

Today,Iwillacceptmyneedsandmyneedyside.IbelieveIdeservetogetmyneedsmet,andIwillallowthattohappen.

September25
PeacewiththePast
EvenGodcannotchangethepast.
Agathon

Holdingontothepast,eitherthroughguilt,longing,denial,orresentment,isawasteofvaluableenergyenergythatcanbeusedtotransformtodayandtomorrow.

''Iusedtoliveinmypast,''saidonerecoveringwoman."Iwaseithertryingtochangeit,orIwaslettingitcontrolme.Usuallyboth.

"Iconstantlyfeltguiltyaboutthingsthathadhappened.ThingsIhaddonethingsothershaddonetomeeventhoughIhadmadeamendsformosteverything,the
guiltrandeep.Everythingwassomehowmyfault.Icouldneverjustletitgo.

"Iheldontoangerforyears,tellingmyselfitwasjustified.Iwasindenialaboutalotofthings.Sometimes,I'dtrytoabsolutelyforgetaboutmypast,butIneverreally
stoppedandsortedthroughitmypastwaslikeadarkcloudthatfollowedmearound,andIcouldn'tshakeclearofit.IguessIwasscaredtoletitgo,afraidof
today,afraidoftomorrow.

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"I'vebeenrecoveringnowforyears,andithastakenmealmostasmanyyearstogaintheproperperspectiveonmypast.I'mlearningIcan'tforgetitIneedtoheal
fromit.IneedtofeelandletgoofanyfeelingsIstillhave,especiallyanger.

"Ineedtostopblamingmyselfforpainfuleventsthattookplace,andtrustthateverythinghashappenedonschedule,andtrulyallisokay.I'velearnedtostop
regretting,andtostartbeinggrateful.

"WhenIthinkaboutthepast,IthankGodforthehealingandthememory.Ifsomethingoccursthatneedsanamend,Imakeitandamdonewithit.I'velearnedto
lookatmypastwithcompassionformyself,trustingthatmyHigherPowerwasincontrol,eventhen.

"I'vehealedfromsomeoftheworstthingsthathappenedtome.I'vemadepeacewithmyselfabouttheseissues,andI'velearnedthathealingfromsomeofthese
issueshasenabledmetohelpotherstohealtoo.I'mabletoseehowtheworstthingshelpedformmycharacteranddevelopedsomeofmyfinerpoints.

"I'veevendevelopedgratitudeformyfailedrelationshipsbecausetheyhavebroughtmetowhoandwhereIamtoday.

"WhatI'velearnedhasbeenacceptancewithoutguilt,anger,blame,orshame.I'veevenhadtolearntoaccepttheyearsIspentfeelingguilty,angry,shameful,and
blaming."

Wecannotcontrolthepast.Butwecantransformitbyallowingourselvestohealfromitandbyacceptingitwithloveforourselvesandothers.Iknow,becausethat
womanisme.

Today,Iwillbeginbeinggratefulformypast.Icannotchangewhathappened,butIcantransformthepastbyowningmypower,now,toaccept,heal,and
learnfromit.

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September26
FeelingProtected

Ourtaskisnotanaiveoneoffeelingsafe,oflivingandlovinginautopianworld.Onewomancommentedthatourtaskismakingourselvesfeelsafewhilelearningto
liveandloveinaworldthatisunsafe.

Wedonotwanttodwellonthedangers,forthatgivespowertothenegative.Neitherdowewanttoignorethemorpretendtheydon'texist.

Ifweweregoingtosunbathe,wewouldnotbenaiveaboutthedangersfromthesun.Weknowthatharmfulrayscanburn.Wewouldtakestepstoprotectourselves,
sothatwecouldenjoythebenefitsofthesun.

Thatisourtaskinrecovery.

Thisiswhatawoman,ahelpingprofessional,toldme:

Pictureasunscreensurroundingyou.Placeitaroundyourselfnottooheavyandthicksonolightcanpenetrate,andnotsothinthatyouareexposedtodanger.

Seeyourselfprotectedbyasunscreenthatiseffective.Makecertainthatthescreenisopentothegood.Forawhile,yourscreenwastooheavy.Itheldbackwhat
youwanted.Nowchangeittoletthegoodcomethrough.

Thisisyourscreenforlifeandtheworld.Seeit.Imagineitsurroundingyoualways.Itwrapsyouinlove,incomfort,inprotection.Noharmcanenter.Nonegative
energycanpenetratethescreen.

Goinpeacegoinsafetygo,now,knowingyouareprotected.Goanywhereyouneedtogo.Theevilhasbeenblockedthegoodwillcomespouringforth.Youdo
nothavetoworksohardatprotectingyourself.Youcanrelaxandenjoylife,trustingthatyouaresafe.Gowithoutfear,foryouarewrappedinloveandprotection.
Andyoushallalwaysbe.

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Today,Iwillenvisionmyselfwrappedinashieldthatblocksthenegativeandharmfulraysoftheworld,butitisconstructedsothatthegoodcanenter.

September27
TemporarySetbacks

Sometimes,afterwebeginrecovery,thingsinourlifeseemtogetworseforatime.Ourfinances,ourrelationships,orourhealthmayseemtodeteriorate.

Thisistemporarythisisanormalpartofrecoveryandhealing.Itmaybethewaythingswillbeforatime,butnotforlong.

Keepworkingatrecovery,andthetrendwillreverse.Beforetoolong,things,andus,willbebetterthantheywerebefore.Thistime,thefoundationwillbesolid.

God,helpmetrustYouandrecovery,evenwhenIhavesetbacks.Helpmerememberthattheproblemsaretemporary,andwhentheyaresolved,Iwillbe
onmoresolidground.

September28
Prayer

Herearesomeofmyfavoriteprayers:

Help.Please.Don't.

Showme.Guideme.Changeme.

Areyouthere?

Why'dyoudothat?

Oh.

Thankyou.

Today,IwilltellGodwhatIwanttotellGod,andlistenforGod'sanswer.IwillrememberthatIcantrustGod.

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September29
TheImportanceofMoney

Wecannotaffordtoallowourfocusinlifetobemoney.Thatwillnotleadusintotheabundancewe'reseeking.Usually,itwillnotevenleadtofinancialstability.

Moneyisimportant.Wedeservetobepaidwhatwe'reworth.Wewillbepaidwhatwe'reworthwhenwebelievewedeservetobe.Butoftenourplansfailwhen
ourprimaryconsiderationismoney.

Whatdowereallywanttodo?Whatdowefeelledtodo?Whatareourinstinctstellingus?Whatdowefeelguidedtodo?Whatareweexcitedaboutdoing?Seek
tofindawaytodothat,withoutworryingaboutthemoney.

Considerthefinancialaspects.Setboundariesaboutwhatyouneedtobepaid.Bereasonable.Expecttostartatthebottom,andworkup.Butifyoufeelledtoward
ajob,goforit.

Istheresomethingwetrulydon'twanttodo,somethingthatgoesagainstourgrain,butwearetryingtoforceourselvesintoit"forthemoney"?Usually,that'sa
behaviorthatbackfires.Itdoesn'twork.Wemakeourselvesmiserable,andthemoneyusuallygoeswrongtoo.

IhavelearnedthatwhenIamtruetomyselfaboutworkandwhatIneedtobedoing,themoneywillfollow.Sometimesit'snotasmuchasIwantsometimesI'm
pleasantlysurprised,andit'smore.ButI'mcontent,andIhaveenough.

Moneyisaconsideration,butitcannotbeourprimaryconsiderationifweareseekingspiritualsecurityandpeaceofmind.

Today,Iwillmakemoneyaconsideration,butIwillnotallowittobecomemyprimaryconsideration.God,helpmebetruetomyselfandtrustthatthe
moneywillfollow.

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September30
NotaVictim

Youarenotavictim.

Howdeeplyingrainedourselfimageasavictimcanbe!Howhabitualourfeelingsofmiseryandhelplessness!Victimizationcanbelikeagraycloakthatsurroundsus,
bothattractingthatwhichwillvictimizeusandcausingustogeneratethefeelingsofvictimization.

Victimizationcanbesohabitualthatwemayfeelvictimizedevenbythegoodthingsthathappentous!

Gotanewcar?Yes,wesigh,butitdoesn'trunaswellasIexpected,andafterall,itcostsomuch....

You'vegotsuchanicefamily!Yes,wesigh,butthereareproblems.Andwe'vehadsuchhardtimes....

Well,yourcareercertainlyisgoingwell!Ah,wesigh,butthereissuchapricetopayforsuccess.Allthatextrapaperwork....

Ihavelearnedthat,ifwesetourmindtoit,wehaveanincredible,almostawesomeabilitytofindmiseryinanysituation,eventhemostwonderfulofcircumstances.

Shouldersbent,headdown,weshufflethroughlifetakingourblows.

Bedonewithit.Takeoffthegraycloakofdespair,negativity,andvictimization.Hurlitletitblowawayinthewind.

Wearenotvictims.Wemayhavebeenvictimized.Wemayhaveallowedourselvestobevictimized.Wemayhavesoughtout,created,orrecreatedsituationsthat
victimizedus.Butwearenotvictims.

Wecanstandinourpower.Wedonothavetoallowourselvestobevictimized.Wedonothavetoletothersvictimizeus.Wedonothavetoseekoutmiseryin
eitherthemostmiserableorthebestsituations.

Wearefreetostandintheglowofselfresponsibility.

Setaboundary!Dealwiththeanger!Tellsomeoneno,orstopthat!Walkawayfromarelationship!Askforwhatyou

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need!Makechoicesandtakeresponsibilityforthem.Exploreoptions.Giveyourselfwhatyouneed!Standupstraight,headup,andclaimyourpower.Claim
responsibilityforyourself!

Andlearntoenjoywhat'sgood.

Today,Iwillrefusetothink,talk,speak,oractlikeavictim.Instead,Iwilljoyfullyclaimresponsibilityformyselfandfocusonwhat'sgoodandrightinmy
life.

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October

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October1
BeWhoYouAre

Inrecovery,we'relearninganewbehavior.It'scalledBeWhoYouAre.

Forsomeofus,thiscanbefrightening.Whatwouldhappenifwefeltwhatwefelt,saidwhatwewanted,becamefirmaboutourbeliefs,andvaluedwhatweneeded?
Whatwouldhappenifweletgoofourcamouflageofadaptation?Whatwouldhappenifweownedourpowertobeourselves?

Wouldpeoplestilllikeus?Wouldtheygoaway?Wouldtheybecomeangry?

Therecomesatimewhenwebecomewillingandreadytotakethatrisk.Tocontinuegrowing,andlivingwithourselves,werealizewemustliberateourselves.It
becomestimetostopallowingourselvestobesocontrolledbyothersandtheirexpectationsandbetruetoourselvesregardlessofthereactionofothers.

Beforelong,webegintounderstand.Somepeoplemaygoaway,buttherelationshipwouldhaveendedanyway.Somepeoplestayandloveandrespectusmorefor
takingtheriskofbeingwhoweare.Webegintoachieveintimacy,andrelationshipsthatwork.

Wediscoverthatwhowearehasalwaysbeengoodenough.Itiswhowewereintendedtobe.

Today,Iwillownmypowertobemyself.

October2
CopingwithFamilies

Therearemanypathstoselfcarewithfamilies.Somepeoplechoosetoseverconnectionswithfamilymembersforaperiodoftime.Somepeoplechoosetostay
connectedwithfamilymembersandlearndifferentbehaviors.Somedisconnectforatime,thenreturnslowlyonadifferentbasis.

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Thereisnooneorperfectwaytodealwithmembersofourfamilyinrecovery.Itisuptoeachofustochooseapaththatsuitsusandourneedsateachpointintime.

Theideathatisnewtousinrecoveryisthatwecanchoose.Wecansettheboundariesweneedtosetwithfamilymembers.Wecanchooseapaththatworksfor
us,withoutguiltandobligationorundueinfluencefromanysource,includingrecoveryprofessionals.

Ourgoalistodetachinlovewithfamilymembers.Ourgoalistobeabletotakecareofourselves,loveourselves,andlivehealthylivesdespitewhatfamilymembers
doordon'tdo.Wedecidewhatboundariesordecisionsarenecessarytodothis.

It'sokaytosaynotoourfamilieswhenthatiswhatwewant.It'sokaytosayyestoourfamiliesifthatfeelsright.It'sokaytocalltimeoutandit'sokaytogobackas
adifferentperson.

God,helpmechoosethepaththatisrightformewithfamily.Helpmeunderstandthereisnorightorwronginthisprocess.Helpmestriveforforgiveness
andlearntodetachwithlove,wheneverpossible.IunderstandthatthisneverimpliesthatIhavetoforfeitselfcareandhealthforthegoodofthesystem.

October3
GettingThroughtheDiscomfort

Surrendertothepain.Thenlearntosurrendertothegood.It'sthereandmoreisontheway.
BeyondCodependency

Ourgoalinrecoveryistomakeourselvesfeelcomfortable,peaceful,content.Happy.Wewanttobeatpeacewithourselvesandourenvironment.Sometimes,todo
that,weneedtobewillingtoface,feel,andgetthroughdiscomfort.

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Iamnottalkinghereaboutbeingaddictedtomiseryandpain.Iamnottalkingaboutcreatingunnecessarypain.I'mtalkingaboutthelegitimatediscomfortwe
sometimesneedtofeelasweheal.

Whenwehavesurgery,thepainhurtsmostthedayaftertheoperation.Whenwedothekindofworkwearefacinginrecovery,wearedoinganemotional,mental,
andspiritualsurgeryonourselves.We'reremovingpartsofusthatareinfectedandinflamed.

Sometimestheprocesshurts.

Wearestrongenoughtosurvivediscomfortandtemporaryfeelingsofemotionalpain.Oncewearewillingtofaceandfeelourdiscomfortandpain,wearealmostto
thepointofrelease.

Today,Iamwillingtofacemydiscomfort,trustingthathealingandreleaseareontheotherside.Helpme,God,beopentofeelingwhateverIneedtofeel
tobehealedandhealthy.WhileIamdoingthis,IwilltrustIamcaredforandprotectedbymyself,myfriends,myHigherPower,andtheUniverse.

October4
FaithandMoney

Sometimes,thereisnotenoughmoneytomakeendsmeet,muchlessaffordanyluxuries.

Peoplemaytellustodoabudget,andwechuckle.Theexpensesweneedtopayforsurvivalsurpasstheincome.

Welookatthesituation,shakeourheads,andsay,''Noway.''

Manyofushavehadtolivethroughthesesituations.Thisisnotthetimetopanicthisisnotthetimetodespair.

Panicanddesperationwillleadtobadjudgmentanddesperatemoves.Thisisthetimetosubstitutefaithforfear.ThisisthetimetotrustGodtomeetourneeds.

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Takelifeonedayandoneneedatatime.Useyoursurvivalskillspositively.Knowyourpossibilitiesarenotlimitedbythepastorbyyourpresentcircumstances.

Examineanyblocksthatmightbestoppingtheflowofmoneyinyourlife.Doyouhaveanattitude,anissue,alessonthatmightbeyourstochangeorlearn?

Maybethelessonisasimpleoneoffaith.InBiblicaltimes,itissaidthatJesuswalkedonthewater.ItissaidHisfollowerscould,too,butthemomenttheyletfear
takeover,theysank.

Duringfinancialhardtimes,wecanlearnto"walkonwater"withmoneyissues.Ifwemakeoutabudget,andthere'snotenoughmoneytosurviveandpaylegitimate
expenses,doyourbest,thenletgo.TrustyourSourcetosupplyyourneeds.Ifanemergencyarises,andthereisnocashtomeettheneed,lookbeyondyourwallet.
Looktoyoursource.ClaimaDivinesupply,anunlimitedsupply,forallthatyouneed.

Doyourpart.Striveforanattitudeoffinancialresponsibilityinthoughtandaction.AskforDivineWisdom.ListentoGod'sleadings.Thenletgoofyourfearsand
yourneedtocontrol.

WeknowthatmoneyisanecessarypartofbeingaliveandlivingsodoesourHigherPower.

God,bringanyblocksandbarrierswithinmeconcerningmoneytothesurface.Helpmetakecareofmyselffinancially.Ifmoneyistight,Iwilldispelfear
andlearnto"walkonwater"concerningfinanceissues.Iwillnotusethisattitudetojustifyirresponsibility.Iwilldomypart,includinglettinggooffear
andtrustingyoutodotherest.

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October5
Knowledge

Learntoletyourselfbeguidedintotruth.Wewillknowwhatweneedtoknow,whenweneedtoknowthat.Wedon'thavetofeelbadlyabouttakingourowntime
toreachourinsights.Wedon'thavetoforceinsightorawarenessbeforeit'stime.

Yes!Maybethewholeworldsawaparticulartruthinourlife,andwedeniedituntilwewerereadytodealwithit.Thatisourbusiness,andourright!Ourprocess
isourown,andwewilldiscoverourtruthsattherighttime,whenweareready,whenthelearningexperienceiscomplete.

Themostgrowthproducingconceptwecandevelopforourselvesandothersistoallowourselvestohaveourownprocess.Wecangiveandreceivesupportand
encouragementwhilewegothroughthisprocess.Wecanlistentoothersandsaywhatwethink.Wecansetboundariesandtakecareofourselves,whenneeded.
Butwestillgiveourselvesandotherstherighttogrowatourownpace,withoutjudgment,andwithmuchtrustthatalliswellandisonschedule.

Whenweareready,whenthetimeisright,andwhenourHigherPowerisreadywewillknowwhatweneedtoknow.

Today,Iwillletmyselfandothershaveourownpaceandtimescheduleforgrowthandchange.IwilltrustthatIwillbeempoweredwithinsightsandthe
toolsfordealingwiththeseinsights,attherighttime.

October6
TakingCareofOurselves

It'shealthy,wise,andlovingtobeconsiderateandresponsivetothefeelingsandneedsofothers.That'sdifferentfromcaretaking.Caretakingisaselfdefeatingand,
certainly,a

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relationshipdefeatingbehaviorabehaviorthatbackfiresandcancauseustofeelresentfulandvictimizedbecauseultimately,whatwefeel,want,andneedwill
cometothesurface.

Somepeopleseemtoinviteemotionalcaretaking.Wecanlearntorefusetheinvitation.Wecanbeconcernedwecanbeloving,whenpossiblebutwecanplace
valueonourownneedsandfeelingstoo.Partofrecoverymeanslearningtopayattentionto,andplaceimportanceon,whatwefeel,want,andneed,becausewe
begintoseethatthereareclear,predictable,andusuallyundesirableconsequenceswhenwedon't.

Bepatientandgentlewithyourselfasyoulearntodothis.Beunderstandingwithyourselfwhenyouslipbackintotheoldbehaviorofemotionalcaretakingandself
neglect.

Butstopthecycletoday.Wedonothavetofeelresponsibleforothers.Wedonothavetofeelguiltyaboutnotfeelingresponsibleforothers.Wecanevenlearntolet
ourselvesfeelgoodabouttakingresponsibilityforourneedsandfeelings.

Today,IwillevaluatewhetherI'veslippedintomyoldbehavioroftakingresponsibilityforanother'sfeelingsandneeds,whileneglectingmyown.Iwill
ownmypower,right,andresponsibilitytoplacevalueonmyself.

October7
LettingGoofNaivet

Wecanbeloving,trustingpeopleandstillnotallowourselvestobeusedorabused.Wedon'thavetoletpeopledowhatevertheywanttous.Notallrequestsare
legitimate!Notallrequestsrequireayes!

Lifemaytestus.Peoplemayseekoutourweakspots.Wemayseeacommondenominatortothelimitsthatarebeingtestedinourlife.Ifwehaveaweakspotin
onearea,we

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mayfindourselvestestedrepeatedlyinthatareabyfamily,friends,coworkers,andneighbors.Life,people,ourHigherPower,andtheUniversemaybetryingto
teachussomethingspecific.

Whenwelearnthatlesson,wewillfindthatproblemswiththatareadwindle.Theboundaryhasbeenset,thepowerhasbeenowned.Fornow,thelessonhasbeen
learned.Wemayneedtobeangrywithcertainpeopleforawhile,peoplewhohavepushedourtoleranceovertheedge.That'sokay.Soon,wecanletgoofthe
angerandexchangeitforgratitude.Thesepeoplehavebeenheretohelpuslearnaboutwhatwedon'twant,whatwewon'ttolerate,andhowtoownourpower.

Wecanthankthemforwhatwehavelearned.

Howmucharewewillingtotolerate?Howfarshallweletothersgowithus?Howmuchofourangerandintuitionshallwediscount?Whereareourlimits?Dowe
haveany?Ifwedon't,we'reintrouble.

Therearetimestonottrustothers,butinsteadtrustourselvesandsetboundarieswiththosearoundus.

Today,IwillbeopentonewawarenessabouttheareaswhereIneedhealthierboundaries.Iwillforegomynaiveassumptionthattheotherpersonis
alwaysright.Iwillexchangethatviewfortrustingmyself,listeningtomyself,andhavingandsettinghealthyboundaries.

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October8
LearningtoWait

I'vestartedtorealizethatwaitingisanart,thatwaitingachievesthings.Waitingcanbevery,verypowerful.Timeisavaluablething.Ifyoucanwaittwoyears,youcansometimes
achievesomethingthatyoucouldnotachievetoday,howeverhardyouworked,howevermuchmoneyyouthrewupintheair,howevermanytimesyoubangedyourheadagainst
thewall....
TheCouragetoChangebyDennisWholey

Thepeoplewhoaremostsuccessfulatlivingandlovingarethosewhocanlearntowaitsuccessfully.Notmanypeopleenjoywaitingorlearningpatience.Yet,waiting
canbeapowerfultoolthatwillhelpusaccomplishmuchgood.

Wecannotalwayshavewhatwewantwhenwewantit.Fordifferentreasons,whatwewanttodo,have,be,oraccomplishisnotavailabletousnow.Butthereare
thingswecouldnotdoorhavetoday,nomatterwhat,thatwecanhaveinthefuture.Today,wewouldmakeourselvescrazytryingtoaccomplishwhatwillcome
naturallyandwitheaselater.

Wecantrustthatallisonschedule.Waitingtimeisnotwastedtime.Somethingisbeingworkedoutinus,insomeoneelse,intheUniverse.

Wedon'thavetoputourlifeonholdwhilewewait.Wecandirectourattentionelsewherewecanpracticeacceptanceandgratitudeintheinterimwecantrustthat
wedohavealifetolivewhilewearewaitingthenwegoaboutlivingit.

Dealwithyourfrustrationandimpatience,butlearnhowtowait.Theoldsaying,"Youcan'talwaysgetwhatyouwant"isn'tentirelytrue.Often,inlife,wecanget
whatwe

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wantespeciallythedesiresofourheartifwecanlearntowait.

Today,Iamwillingtolearntheartofpatience.IfIamfeelingpowerlessbecauseIamwaitingforsomethingtohappenandIamnotincontroloftiming,I
willfocusonthepoweravailabletomebylearningtowait.

October9
SelfDisclosure

Learningtogentlyrevealwhoweareishowweopenourselvesuptoloveandintimacyinourrelationships.

Manyofushavehiddenunderaprotectiveshell,acasingthatpreventsothersfromseeingorhurtingus.Wedonotwanttobethatvulnerable.Wedonotwantto
exposeourthoughts,feelings,fears,weaknesses,andsometimesourstrengths,toothers.

Wedonotwantotherstoseewhowereallyare.

Wemaybeafraidtheymightjudgeus,goaway,ornotlikeus.Wemaybeuncertainthatwhoweareisokayorexactlyhowweshouldrevealourselvestoothers.

Beingvulnerablecanbefrightening,especiallyifwehavelivedwithpeoplewhoabused,mistreated,manipulated,ordidnotappreciateus.

Littlebylittle,welearntotaketheriskofrevealingourselves.Wedisclosetherealpersonwithintoothers.Wepicksafepeople,andwebegintodisclosebitsand
piecesaboutourselves.

Sometimes,outoffear,wemaywithhold,thinkingthatwillhelptherelationshiporwillhelpotherslikeusmore.Thatisanillusion.Withholdingwhowearedoesnot
helpus,theotherperson,ortherelationship.Withholdingisabehaviorthatbackfires.Fortrueintimacyandclosenesstoexist,forustoloveourselvesandbecontent
inarelationship,weneedtodisclosewhoweare.

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Thatdoesnotmeanwetellalltoeveryoneatonce.Thatcanbeaselfdefeatingbehaviortoo.Wecanlearntotrustourselves,aboutwhototell,whentotell,whereto
tell,andhowmuchtotell.

Totrustthatpeoplewillloveandlikeusifweareexactlywhoweareisfrightening.Butitistheonlywaywecanachievewhatwewantinrelationships.Toletgoof
ourneedtocontrolotherstheiropinions,theirfeelingsaboutus,orthecourseoftherelationshipisthekey.

Gently,likeaflower,wecanlearntoopenup.Likeaflowerwewilldothatwhenthesunshinesandthereiswarmth.

Today,IwillbegintotaketheriskofdisclosingwhoIamtosomeonewithwhomIfeelsafe.Iwillletgoofsomeofmyprotectivedevicesandriskbeing
vulnerableeventhoughImayhavebeentaughtdifferently,eventhoughImayhavetaughtmyselfdifferently.IwilldisclosewhoIaminawaythat
reflectsselfresponsibility,selflove,directness,andhonesty.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearsaboutdisclosingwhoIamtopeople.HelpmeacceptwhoI
am,andhelpmeletgoofmyneedtobewhopeoplewantmetobe.

October10
PayoffsfromDestructiveRelationships

Sometimesithelpstounderstandthatwemaybereceivingapayofffromrelationshipsthatcauseusdistress.

Therelationshipmaybefeedingintoourhelplessnessorourmartyrrole.

Maybetherelationshipfeedsourneedtobeneeded,enhancingourselfesteembyallowingustofeelincontrolormorallysuperiortotheotherperson.

Someofusfeelalleviatedfromfinancialorotherkindsofresponsibilitybystayinginaparticularrelationship.

"MyfathersexuallyabusedmewhenIwasachild,"saidonewoman."Iwentontospendthenexttwentyyears

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blackmailinghimemotionallyandfinanciallyonthis.IcouldgetmoneyfromhimwheneverIwanted,andIneverhadtotakefinancialresponsibilityformyself."

Realizingthatwemayhavegottenacodependentpayofffromarelationshipisnotacauseforshame.Itmeanswearesearchingouttheblocksinourselvesthatmay
bestoppingourgrowth.

Wecantakeresponsibilityforthepartwemayhaveplayedinkeepingourselvesvictimized.Whenwearewillingtolookhonestlyandfearlesslyatthepayoffandletit
go,wewillfindthehealingwe'vebeenseeking.We'llalsobereadytoreceivethepositive,healthypayoffsavailableinrelationships,thepayoffswereallywantand
need.

Today,IwillbeopentolookingatthepayoffsImayhavereceivedfromstayinginunhealthyrelationships,orfromkeepingdestructivesystemsoperating.Iwill
becomereadytoletgoofmyneedtostayinunhealthysystemsIamreadytofacemyself.

October11
Recovery

Howeasyitistoblameourproblemsonothers."Lookatwhathe'sdoing"...."LookhowlongI'vewaited"....''Whydoesn'tshecall?"..."Ifonlyhe'dchangethen
I'dbehappy''....

Often,ouraccusationsarejustified.Weprobablyarefeelinghurtandfrustrated.Inthosemoments,wemaybegintobelievethatthesolutiontoourpainand
frustrationisgettingtheotherpersontodowhatwewant,orhavingtheoutcomewedesire.Buttheseselfdefeatingillusionsputthepowerandcontrolofourlifein
otherpeople'shands.Wecallthiscodependency.

Thesolutiontoourpainandfrustration,howevervalid,istoacknowledgeourownfeelings.Wefeeltheanger,thegriefthenweletgoofthefeelingsandfind
peacewithin

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ourselves.Weknowourhappinessisn'tcontrolledbyanotherperson,eventhoughwemayhaveconvincedourselvesitis.Wecallthisacceptance.

Thenwedecidethatalthoughwe'dlikeoursituationtobedifferent,maybeourlifeishappeningthiswayforareason.Maybethereisahigherpurposeandplanin
play,onethat'sbetterthanwecouldhaveorchestrated.Wecallthisfaith.

Thenwedecidewhatweneedtodo,whatiswithinourpowertodototakecareofourselves.That'scalledrecovery.

It'seasytopointourfingeratanother,butit'smorerewardingtogentlypointitatourselves.

Today,Iwilllivewithmypainandfrustrationbydealingwithmyownfeelings.

October12
BeingGentlewithOurselvesDuringTimesofGrief

Theprocessofadaptingtochangeandlosstakesenergy.Griefisdraining,sometimesexhausting.Somepeopleneedto"cocoonfortransformation,"inPatCarnes's
words,whilegoingthroughgrief.

Wemayfeelmoretiredthanusual.Ourabilitytofunctionwellinotherareasofourlifemaybereduced,temporarily.Wemaywanttohideoutinthesafetyofour
bedroom.

Griefisheavy.Itcanwearusdown.

It'sokaytobegentlewithourselveswhenwe'regoingthroughchangeandgrief.Yes,wewanttomaintainthedisciplinesofrecovery.Butwecanbecompassionate
withourselves.Wedonothavetoexpectmorefromourselvesthanwecandeliverduringthistime.Wedonotevenhavetoexpectasmuchfromourselvesaswe
wouldnormallyandreasonablyexpect.

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Wemayneedmorerest,moresleep,morecomfort.Wemaybemoreneedyandhavelesstogive.Itisokaytoacceptourselves,andourchangedneeds,during
timesofgrief,stress,andchange.

Itisokaytoallowourselvestococoonduringtimesoftransformation.Wecansurrendertotheprocess,andtrustthatanew,excitingenergyisbeingcreatedwithin
us.

Beforelong,wewilltakewingsandfly.

God,helpmeacceptmychangedneedsduringtimesofgrief,change,andloss.

October13
SubstanceoverForm
I'mlearningthatforavarietyofreasons,I'vespentmuchofmylifefocusingonformratherthansubstance.Myfocushasbeenonhavingmyhairdoneperfectly,wearingtheright
clothes,havingmymakeupappliedperfectly,livingintherightplace,furnishingitwiththerightfurniture,workingattherightjob,andhavingtherightman.Form,ratherthan
substance,hascontrolledmybehaviorinmanyareasofmylife.Now,I'mfinallygettingtothetruth.It'ssubstancethatcounts.
Anonymous

Thereisnothingwronginwantingtolookourbest.Whetherwearestrivingtocreateaself,arelationship,oralife,weneedtohavesomesolidideasaboutwhatwe
wantthattolooklike.

Formgivesusaplacetobegin.Butformanyofus,formhasbeenasubstituteforsubstance.Wemayhavefocusedonformtocompensateforfeelingafraidorfeeling
inferior.Wemayhavefocusedonformbecausewedidn'tknowhowtofocusonsubstance.

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Formistheoutlinesubstanceiswhatfillsitin.Wefillintheoutlineofourselvesbybeingauthenticwefillintheoutlineofourlifebyshowingupforlifeand
participatingtothebestofourability.

Now,inrecovery,we'relearningtopayattentiontohowthingsworkandfeel,notjusttowhattheylooklike.

Today,Iwillfocusonsubstanceinmylife.Iwillfillinthelinesofmyselfwitharealpersonme.Iwillconcentrateonthesubstanceofmyrelationships,
ratherthanwhattheylooklike.Iwillfocusontherealworkingsofmylife,insteadofthetrappings.

October14
ControllingVersusTrust
TherewasatimeinmylifewhenIfeltsoafraidofandoverwhelmedbytheveryactoflivingthatIactuallywantedtomakeoutascheduleforeachdayofmylifeforthenextfive
years.IwantedtoincludeallthechoresIhadtodo,whenIwoulddothem,evenwhenIwouldschedulerelaxation.Iwantedtogetsomeorderintowhatfeltoverwhelming.I
wantedtofeellikeIwasincontrol.
Anonymous

Controllingisadirectresponsetoourfear,panic,andsenseofhelplessness.Itisadirectresponsetofeelingoverwhelmed,andtodistrust.

Wemaynottrustourselves,ourHigherPower,thePlan,theUniverse,ortheprocessoflife.Insteadoftrusting,wereverttocontrol.

Wecanapproachthisneedtocontrolbydealingwithourfear.Wedealwithfearbytrustingourselves,ourHigherPower,theloveandsupportoftheUniverse,the
Plan,andthisprocesswecalllifeandrecovery.

Wecantrustthatwhenthingsdon'tworkoutthewaywewant,Godhassomethingbetterplanned.

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Wecantrustourselvestogetwhereweneedtogo,saywhatweneedtosay,dowhatweneedtodo,knowwhatweneedtoknow,bewhoweneedtobe,and
becomeallwecanbecome,whenweareintendedtodothat,whenweareready,andwhenthetimeisright.

WecantrustourHigherPowerandtheUniversetogiveusallthedirecitonweneed.

Wecantrustourselvestolisten,andrespond,accordingly.

Wecantrustthatallweneedonthisjourneyshallcometous.Wewillnotgetallweneedfortheentirejourneytoday.Weshallreceivetoday'ssuppliestoday,and
tomorrow'ssuppliestomorrow.Wewereneverintendedtocarrysuppliesfortheentirejourney.Theburdenwouldbetooheavy,andthewaywasintendedtobe
light.

Trustinyourself.Wedonothavetoplan,control,andscheduleallthings.Thescheduleandplanhavebeenwritten.Allweneedtodoisshowup.

Thewaywillbecomeclearandthesupplieswillbeamplyandclearlyprovided,onedayatatime.

Trust,myfriend,intoday.

Today,IwilltrustthatIwillreceiveallIneedtotogetmethroughtoday.Iwilltrustthatthesameshallhappentomorrow.

October15
LettingGoofChaos

Nogoodworkcomesfromunrest.

Unrest,fear,anger,orsadnessmaymotivateus.Thesefeelingsaresometimesintendedtocompelaction.Butourbestworkemergesafterthesefeelingshavebeen
replacedbypeace.

Wewillnotaccomplishourtaskanysooner,oranybetter,byperformingitoutofasenseofurgency,fear,anger,orsadness.

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Letgoofunrest.Letpeacefillthevoid.Wedonothavetoforfeitourpower,ourGodgivenpersonalpowerorourpeacetodotheworkaswearecalledupon
todotoday.Wewillbegivenallthepowerweneedtodowhatwearemeanttodo,whenitistime.

Letpeacecomefirst.Thenproceed.Thetaskwillgetdone,naturallyandontime.

Today,Iwillgetpeacefulfirst,andletmyworkandlifeemergefromthatbase.

October16
BeingHonestwithOurselves

Ourrelationshipwithourselvesisthemostimportantrelationshipweneedtomaintain.Thequalityofthatrelationshipwilldeterminethequalityofourother
relationships.

Whenwecantellourselveshowwefeel,andacceptourfeelings,wecantellothers.

Whenwecanacceptwhatwewantandneed,wewillbereadytohaveourwantsandneedsmet.

Whenwecanacceptwhatwethinkandbelieve,andacceptwhat'simportanttous,wecanrelaythistoothers.

Whenwelearntotakeourselvesseriously,otherswilltoo.Whenwelearntochuckleatourselves,wewillbereadytolaughwithothers.

Whenwehavelearnedtotrustourselves,wewillbetrustworthyandreadytotrust.

Whenwecanbegratefulforwhoweare,wewillhaveachievedselflove.

Whenwehaveachievedselfloveandacceptingourwantsandneeds,wewillbereadytogiveandreceivelove.

Whenwe'velearnedtostandonourowntwofeet,we'rereadytostandnexttosomeone.

Today,Iwillfocusonhavingagoodrelationshipwithmyself.

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October17
FeelingsandSurrender

Surrenderingisahighlypersonalandspiritualexperience.

Surrenderisnotsomethingwecandoinourheads.Itisnotsomethingwecanforceorcontrolbywillpower.Itissomethingweexperience.

Acceptance,orsurrender,isnotatidypackage.Often,itisapackagefullofhardfeelingsanger,rage,andsadness,followedbyreleaseandrelief.Aswesurrender,
weexperienceourfrustrationandangeratGod,atotherpeople,atourselves,andatlife.Thenwecometothecoreofthepainandsadness,theheavyemotional
burdeninsidethatmustcomeoutbeforewecanfeelgood.Often,theseemotionsareconnectedtohealingandreleaseatadeeplevel.

Surrendersetsthewheelsinmotion.Ourfearandanxietyaboutthefuturearereleasedwhenwesurrender.

Weareprotected.Weareguided.Goodthingshavebeenplanned.Thenextstepisnowbeingtaken.Surrenderistheprocessthatallowsustomoveforward.Itis
howourHigherPowermovesusforward.

Trustintherightnessoftiming,andthefreedomattheotherend,asyoustrugglehumanlythroughthisspiritualexperience.

Iwillbeopentotheprocessofsurrenderinmylife.Iwillallowmyselfalltheawkwardandpotentemotionsthatmustbereleased.

October18
ThrowingOuttheRuleBook

Manyofusfeellikeweneedarulebook,amicroscope,andawarrantytogetthroughlife.Wefeeluncertain,frightened.Wewantthesecurityofknowingwhat's
goingtohappen,andhowweshallact.

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Wedon'ttrustourselvesorlife.

Wedon'ttrustthePlan.

Wewanttobeincontrol.

"I'vemadeterriblemistakesaboutmychoices,mistakesthatnearlydestroyedme.Lifehasreallyshockedme.HowcanItrustmyself?HowcanItrustlife,andmy
instincts,afterwhereI'vebeen?"askedonewoman.

Itisunderstandablethatwefearbeingcrushedagain,consideringthewaymanyofuswerewhenwebottomedoutonourcodependency.Wedon'thavetobefearful.
Wecantrustourself,ourpath,andourinstincts.

Yes,wewanttoavoidmakingthesamemistakesagain.Wearenotthesamepeoplewewereyesterdayorlastyear.We'velearned,grown,changed.Wedidwhat
weneededtodothen.Ifwemadeamistake,wecannotletthatstopusfromlivingandfullyexperiencingtoday.

Wehavearrivedattheunderstandingthatweneededourexperiencesevenourmistakestogettowherewearetoday.Doweknowthatweneededourlifeto
unfoldexactlyasitdidtofindourselves,ourHigherPower,andthisnewwayoflife?Orispartofusstillcallingourpastamistake?

Wecanletgoofourpastandtrustourselvesnow.Wedonothavetopunishourselveswithourpast.Wedon'tneedarulebook,amicroscope,awarranty.Allwe
reallyneedisamirror.Wecanlookintothemirrorandsay,"Itrustyou.Nomatterwhathappens,youcantakecareofyourself.Andwhathappenswillcontinueto
begood,betterthanyouthink."

TodayIwillstopclingingtothepainfullessonsofthepast.Iwillopenmyselftothepositivelessonstodayandtomorrowholdforme.ItrustthatIcanand
willtakecareofmyselfnow.ItrustthatthePlanisgood,evenwhenIdon'tknowwhatitis.

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October19
OurGoodPoints

What'sacodependent?Theanswer'seasy.They'resomeofthemostloving,caringpeopleIknow.
BeyondCodependency

Wedon'tneedtolimitaninventoryofourselvestothenegatives.Focusingonlyonwhat'swrongisacoreissueinourcodependency.

Honestly,fearlessly,ask:"What'srightwithme?Whataremygoodpoints?"

"AmIaloving,caring,nurturingperson?"Wemayhaveneglectedtoloveourselvesintheprocessofcaringforothers,butnurturingisanasset.

"IstheresomethingIdoparticularlywell?""DoIhaveastrongfaith?""AmIgoodatbeingthereforothers?""AmIgoodaspartofateam,orasaleader?''''DoI
haveawaywithwordsorwithemotions?"

"DoIhaveasenseofhumor?""DoIbrightenpeopleup?""AmIgoodatcomfortingothers?""DoIhaveanabilitytomakesomethinggoodoutofbarelynothingat
all?""DoIseethebestinpeople?"

Thesearecharacterassets.Wemayhavegonetoanextremewiththese,butthat'sokay.Wearenowonourwaytofindingbalance.

Recoveryisnotabouteliminatingourpersonality.Recoveryaimsatchanging,accepting,workingaround,ortransformingournegatives,andbuildingonourpositives.
Weallhaveassetsweonlyneedtofocusonthem,empowerthem,anddrawthemoutinourselves.

Codependentsaresomeofthemostloving,caringpeoplearound.Now,we'relearningtogivesomeofthatconcernandnurturingtoourselves.

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Today,Iwillfocusonwhat'srightaboutme.IwillgivemyselfsomeofthecaringI'veextendedtotheworld.

October20
DetachingwithLove

Sometimespeoplewelovedothingswedon'tlikeorapproveof.Wereact.Theyreact.Beforelong,we'reallreactingtoeachother,andtheproblemescalates.

Whendowedetach?Whenwe'rehookedintoareactionofanger,fear,guilt,orshame.Whenwegethookedintoapowerplayanattempttocontrolorforce
otherstodosomethingtheydon'twanttodo.Whenthewaywe'rereactingisn'thelpingtheotherpersonorsolvingtheproblem.Whenthewaywe'rereactingis
hurtingus.

Often,it'stimetodetachwhendetachmentappearstobetheleastlikely,orpossible,thingtodo.

Thefirststeptowarddetachmentisunderstandingthatreactingandcontrollingdon'thelp.Thenextstepisgettingpeacefulgettingcenteredandrestoringour
balance.

Takeawalk.Leavetheroom.Gotoameeting.Takealong,hotbath.Callafriend.CallonGod.Breathedeeply.Findpeace.Fromthatplaceofpeaceandcentering
willemergeananswer,asolution.

Today,Iwillsurrenderandtrustthattheanswerisnear.

October21
FinancialResponsibility

"WhenIbeganrecoveryfromchemicaldependency,Ihadtofacemymoneymessstonecoldsober,andIreallyhadamess,"saidonewoman.

"Iwasn'tabletoearnmuchatfirst,anditwasimportanttometomakeamends.Ihadpastduebillsfromyearsbefore.Ineededtotrytostaycurrentwithmynew
bills.IhadalotmoremoneybeforeIsoberedup.Butintime,slowly,

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gradually,myfinancialsituationclearedup.Irestoredmycredit.Ihadacheckingaccount.Ihadalittlemoneyinthebank.

"ThenImarriedanalcoholicandbegantolearnaboutmycodependencythehardway.Ilostmyself,myfeelings,mysanity,andalltheprogressIhadmadewithmy
financialaffairs.MyhusbandandIopenedacheckingaccounttogether,andheoverdraftedchecksuntilIlosttherighttohaveacheckingaccount.Ilethimcharge
andchargeonmycreditcard,andhedrovethatintotheground.

"Weborrowedandborrowedtokeepoursinkingshipafloatandweborrowedalotfrommyparents,"shesaid."BythetimeIbeganmyrecoveryfrom
codependency,Iwasagainfacingarealfinancialmess.Iwasfurious,butitdidn'tmatterwhodidwhat.Ihadsomeseriousfinancialmatterstofaceifthatpartofmy
lifewasevergoingtobecomemanageableagain.

"SlowlyveryslowlyIbegantoworkoutofmymess.Itseemedimpossible!Ididn'tevenwanttofaceit,itfeltsooverwhelmingandhopeless.ButIdid.Andeach
dayIdidthebestIcouldtoberesponsibleformyself.

"OnedecisionImadewastoseparateandprotectmyselffinanciallyfrommyhusband,thebestIcould,beforeandafterwedivorced.TheotherdecisionImadewas
tofaceandbeginreconstructingthefinancialaffairsinmylife.

"Itwasdifficult.Weowedoverfiftythousanddollars,andmyabilitytoproduceincomehaddramaticallydecreased.Iwasgrievingmyselfesteemwasatanalltime
lowmyenergywaslow.IdidnotknowhowIwouldeveruntanglethisnightmare.Butitdidhappen.Slowly,gradually,withthehelpofaHigherPower,
manageabilitycreptinandreplacedchaos.

"IbeganbynotspendingmorethanIearned.Ipaidbacksomecreditors,alittleatatime.IletgoofwhatIcouldn'tdo,andfocusedonwhatIcoulddo.

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"Now,eightyearshavepassed.Iamdebtfree,whichIneverimaginedpossible.Iamlivingcomfortably,withmoneyinthebank.Mycredithasbeenrestored,again.
AndIintendtokeepitthatway.

"Iamnotwillingtolosemyfinancialsanityandsecurityagain,ever,forloveorforalcoholism.WiththehelpofGodandtheTwelveSteps,Iwon'thaveto."

Onedayatatime,wecanberestoredinrecoverymentally,emotionally,spiritually,physically,andfinancially.Itmaygetworsebeforeitgetsbetterbecausewe
arefinallyfacingrealityinsteadofdodgingit.Butoncewemakethedecisiontotakefinancialresponsibilityforourselves,weareonourway.

God,helpmerememberthatwhatseemshopelesstodaycanoftenbesolvedtomorrow,evenifIcan'tseethesolution.IfIhaveallowedtheproblemsof
otherstohurtmefinancially,helpmerepairandrestoremyboundariesaroundmoneyandwhatIamwillingtolose.HelpmeunderstandthatIdonot
havetoallowanyoneelse'sfinancialirresponsibility,addiction,disease,orproblemtohurtmefinancially.Helpmegoonwithmylifeinspiteofmypresent
financialcircumstances,trustingthatifIamwillingtomakeamendsandberesponsible,thingswillworkout.

October22
HoldingYourOwn

Trustyourself.Trustwhatyouknow.

Sometimes,itishardtostandinourowntruthandtrustwhatweknow,especiallywhenotherswouldtrytoconvinceusotherwise.

Inthesecases,othersmaybedealingwithissuesofguiltandshame.Theymayhavetheirownagenda.Theymaybeimmersedindenial.Theywouldlikeustobelieve
thatwedonotknowwhatweknowtheywouldlikeusnottotrustourselvestheywouldprefertoengageusintheirnonsense.

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Wedon'thavetoforfeitourtruthorourpowertoothers.Thatiscodependency.

Believingliesisdangerous.Whenwestoptrustingourtruth,whenwerepressourinstincts,whenwetellourselvestheremustbesomethingwrongwithusforfeeling
whatwefeelorbelievingwhatwebelieve,wedealadeadlyblowtoourselfandourhealth.

Whenwediscountthatimportantpartofourselvesthatknowswhatisthetruth,wecutourselvesofffromourcenter.Wefeelcrazy.Wegetintoshame,fear,and
confusion.Wecan'tgetourbearingswhenweallowsomeonetopulltherugfromunderus.

Thisdoesnotmeanthatweareneverwrong.Butwearenotalwayswrong.

Beopen.Standinourtruth.Trustwhatyouknow.Andrefusetobuyintodenial,nonsense,bullying,orcoercionthatwouldliketotakeyouoffcourse.

Asktobeshownthetruth,clearlynotbythepersontryingtomanipulateorconvinceyou,butbyyourself,yourHigherPower,andtheUniverse.

Today,Iwilltrustmytruth,myinstincts,andmyabilitytogroundmyselfinreality.Iwillnotallowmyselftobeswayedbybullying,manipulating,games,
dishonesty,orpeoplewithpeculiaragendas.

October23
MorningCues

Thereisanimportantmessageforusfirstthingeveryday.

Often,oncewegetstartedwiththeday,wemaynotlistenascloselytoourselvesandlifeaswedointhosestillmomentswhenwefirstawaken.

Anidealtimetolistentoourselvesiswhenwearelayingquietly,ourdefensesaredown,andwe'reopenandmostvulnerable.

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Whatisthefirstfeelingthatfloodsthroughus,thefeelingthatperhapswearetryingtoavoidduringthebusinessoftheday?Areweangry,frustrated,hurt,or
confused?Thatiswhatweneedtofocusonandworkthrough.That'stheissueweneedtoaddress.

Whenyouawaken,whatisthefirstideaorthoughtthatentersyourmind?Doyouneedtofinishatimelyproject?Areyouinneedofafunday?Arestfulday?

Doyoufeelsickandneedtonurtureyourself?Areyouinanegativeframeofmind?Doyouhaveanissuetoresolvewithsomeone?

Doyouneedtotellsomeonesomething?Issomethingbotheringyou?Issomethingfeelingparticularlygood?

Doesanideaoccurtoyou,somethingyoucouldgetordothatwouldfeelgood?

Whenyouawaken,whatisthefirstissuethatpresentsitself?Youdon'thavetobefearful.Youdon'thavetorush.Youcanlaystillandlistenandthenacceptthe
message.

Wecandefinesomeofourrecoverygoalsforthedaybylisteningtothemorningmessage.

God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtobeinresistancetotheharmonicflowoflife.HelpmelearntogowiththeflowandacceptthehelpandsupportthatYou
havetoofferme.

October24
OpeningOurselvestoLove

Openourselvestothelovethatisavailabletous.

Wedonothavetolimitoursourcesoflove.GodandtheUniversehaveanunlimitedsupplyofwhatweneed,includinglove.

Whenweareopentoreceivinglove,wewillbegintoreceiveit.Itmaycomefromthemostsurprisingplaces,includingfromwithinourselves.

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Wewillbeopentoandawareofthelovethatisandhasbeenthereforusallalong.Wewillfeelandappreciatethelovefromfriends.Wewillnoticeandenjoythe
lovethatcomestousfromfamily.

Wewillbereadytoreceiveloveinourspecialloverelationshipstoo.Wedonothavetoacceptlovefromunsafepeoplepeoplewhowillexploitusorwithwhom
wedon'twanttohaverelationships.

Butthereisplentyofgoodloveavailablelovethathealsourheart,meetsourneeds,andmakesourspiritsing.

Wehavedeniedourselvestoolong.Wehavebeenmartyrstoolong.Wehavegivensomuchandallowedourselvestoreceivetoolittle.Wehavepaidourdues.Itis
timetocontinuethechainofgivingandreceivingbyallowingourselvestoreceive.

Today,IwillopenmyselftothelovethatiscomingtomefromtheUniverse.Iwillacceptitandenjoyitwhenitcomes.

October25
LettingGoofthePast
...inthybookwerewritten,everyoneofthem,thedaysthatwereformedforme,whenasyettherewasnoneofthem.
Ps.139:16

Somepeoplebelievethateachofourdayswereplanned,DivinelyOrdered,beforewewereborn.Godknew,theysay,andplannedexactlywhatwastotranspire.

Otherssuggestwechose,weparticipatedinplanningourlifetheevents,thepeople,thecircumstancesthatweretotakeplace,inordertoworkthroughourissues
andlearnthelessonsweneededtomaster.

Whateverourphilosophy,ourinterpretationcanbesimilar:Ourpastisneitheranaccidentnoramistake.Wehavebeenwhereweneededtobe,withthenecessary
people.Wecan

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embraceourhistory,withitspain,itsimperfections,itsmistakes,evenitstragedies.Itisuniquelyoursitwasintendedjustforus.

Today,wearerightwhereweneedtobe.Ourpresentcircumstancesareexactlyastheyneedtobefornow.

Today,Iwillletgoofmyguiltandfearaboutmypastandpresentcircumstances.IwilltrustthatwhereIhavebeenandwhereIamnowarerightforme.

October26
Clarity

IknowbetterthantonottrustGod.Butsometimes,Iforgetthat.

Whenweareinthemidstofanexperience,itiseasytoforgetthatthereisaPlan.Sometimes,allwecanseeistoday.

Ifweweretowatchonlytwominutesofthemiddleofatelevisionprogram,itwouldmakelittlesense.Itwouldbeadisconnectedevent.

Ifweweretowatchaweaversewingatapestryforonlyafewmoments,andfocusedononlyasmallpieceofthework,itwouldnotlookbeautiful.Itwouldlooklike
afewpeculiarthreadsrandomlyplaced.

Howoftenweusethatsame,limitedperspectivetolookatourlifeespeciallywhenwearegoingthroughadifficulttime.

Wecanlearntohaveperspectivewhenwearegoingthroughthoseconfusing,difficultlearningtimes.Whenwearebeingpelletedbyeventsthatmakeusfeel,think,
andquestion,weareinthemidstoflearningsomethingimportant.

Wecantrustthatsomethingvaluableisbeingworkedoutinusevenwhenthingsaredifficult,evenwhenwecannotgetourbearings.Insightandclaritydonotcome
untilwehavemasteredourlesson.

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Faithislikeamuscle.Itmustbeexercisedtogrowstrong.Repeatedexperiencesofhavingtotrustwhatwecan'tseeandrepeatedexperiencesoflearningtotrustthat
thingswillworkout,arewhatmakesourfaithmusclesgrowstrong.

Today,Iwilltrustthattheeventsinmylifearenotrandom.Myexperiencesarenotamistake.TheUniverse,myHigherPower,andlifearenotpickingon
me.IamgoingthroughwhatIneedtogothroughtolearnsomethingvaluable,somethingthatwillpreparemeforthejoyandloveIamseeking.

October27
StepEleven
SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythat
out.
StepElevenofAlAnon

"...prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythatout"meansthatweaskonadailybasistobeshowntheplanforthatday.Wealsoask
ourSourceforthepowerweneedtocarrythatthrough.Wewillgetayestobothrequests.

Wedonotaskotherpeopletoshowtheirwillforus.WeaskGod.Thenwetrustthatwe'llbeempoweredtocarryGod'swillthrough.

Godnever,neverasksustodoanythingthatHewouldnotequipustodo.Heneverasksustodoanythingwecan'tdo.Ifwearetodoit,wewillbeempowered.
That'stheeasypartofthisprogram.Weneverhavetodomorethanwecan,oranythingwecan't.Ifwewanttoworryandfusswecan,butwedon'tneedto.Thatis
ourchoice.

Ihavelearned,throughdifficultandgoodtimes,thatthisStepwillcarrymethrough.WhenIdon'tknowwhattodonext,Goddoes.WorkingthisStep,onedayata
time,will

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takeustoplaceswecouldneverhavetraveledonourown.Simpleacts,donedailyinaccordancetoGod'swillforus,leadtoaGrandPlanforourlife.

Today,IwillfocusonaskingGodtoshowmewhatHewantsmetodo.IwillaskGodforthepowertodothatthenIwillgoaheadandgetthejobdone.
God,helpmeletgoofmyfearsaboutlivinglifeonedayatatime.Helpmetrustthatwhenlifeislivedsimplyandintrust,abeautifulmosaiccalled"my
life"willbewoven.Iambeingdivinelyled,guided,andcaredfor.

October28
MeditationandPrayer

TheEleventhStepasksustomeditateasaroutetoimprovingourconsciouscontactwithGod.

Meditationisdifferentthanobsessingorworrying.Obsessionandworryingarefearconnections.Meditationmeansopeningourmindandourspiritualenergytothe
Godconnection.

ToconnectwithGod,weneedtorelaxasbestwecanandopenourconsciousandsubconsciousmindtoaHigherConsciousnessonethatisavailabletoeachof
us.

Inthebusynessofourdayandlife,itmayseemlikeawasteoftimetoslowdown,tostopwhatwe'redoing,andtakethiskindofbreak.Itisnomoreawasteoftime
thanstoppingtoputgasinourcarwhenthetankisalmostempty.Itisnecessary,itisbeneficial,anditsavestime.Infact,meditationcancreatemoretimeandenergy
thanthemomentswetaketodoit.

Meditationandprayerarepowerfulrecoverybehaviorsthatwork.Weneedtobepatient.Itisnotreasonabletoexpectimmediateanswers,insight,orinspiration.

Butsolutionsarecoming.Theyarealreadyontheway,ifwehavedoneourpartmeditateandprayandthenlettherestgo.

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Whetherweprayandmeditatefirstthinginthemorning,duringacoffeebreak,orintheeveningisourchoice.

WhenourconsciouscontactwithGodimproves,oursubconsciouscontactwilltoo.WewillfindourselvesincreasinglytunedintoGod'sharmonyandwillforus.We
willfindandmaintainthatsoulconnection,theGodconnection.

Today,Iwilltakeamomentformeditationandprayer.Iwilldecidewhenandhowlongtodoit.IamachildandcreationofGodaHigherPowerwho
lovestolistenandtalktome.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearsaboutwhetherornotYouhearandcare.HelpmeknowthatYouarethereandthatIamable
totapintothespiritualconsciousness.

October29
Acceptance

Amagicalpotionisavailabletoustoday.Thatpotioniscalledacceptance.

Weareaskedtoacceptmanythings:ourselves,asweareourfeelings,needs,desires,choices,andcurrentstatusofbeing.Otherpeople,astheyare.Thestatusof
ourrelationshipswiththem.Problems.Blessings.Financialstatus.Wherewelive.Ourwork,ourtasks,ourlevelofperformanceatthesetasks.

Resistancewillnotmoveusforward,norwilliteliminatetheundesirable.Butevenourresistancemayneedtobeaccepted.Evenresistanceyieldstoandischanged
byacceptance.

Acceptanceisthemagicthatmakeschangepossible.Itisnotforeveritisforthepresentmoment.

Acceptanceisthemagicthatmakesourpresentcircumstancesgood.Itbringspeaceandcontentmentandopensthedoortogrowth,change,andmovingforward.

Itshinesthelightofpositiveenergyonallthatwehaveandare.Withintheframeworkofacceptance,wefigureoutwhatweneedtodototakecareofourselves.

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AcceptanceempowersthepositiveandtellsGodwehavesurrenderedtothePlan.Wehavemasteredtoday'slesson,andarereadytomoveon.

Today,Iwillaccept.Iwillrelinquishmyneedtobeinresistancetomyselfandmyenvironment.Iwillsurrender.Iwillcultivatecontentmentandgratitude.
IwillmoveforwardinjoybyacceptingwhereIamtoday.

October30
SelfValue

Wehaveareallifeofourown.Yes,wedo.

Thatemptyfeeling,thatsensethateveryoneexceptushasalifeanimportantlife,avaluablelife,abetterlifeisaremnantfromthepast.Itisalsoaselfdefeating
beliefthatisinaccurate.

Wearereal.Soisourlife.Jumpintoit,andwellsee.

Today,Iwilllivemylifeandtreasureitasmine.

October31
AllOurNeeds
AndmyGodshallsupplyeveryneedofyoursaccordingtoHisrichesinglory....
Phil.4:19

Thisversehashelpedmemanytimes.IthashelpedmewhenIhavewonderedwheremynextfriend,bitofwisdom,insight,ormealwascomingfrom.

EverythingIneedtodayshallbesuppliedtome.

People,jobs,whatwehaveatourimmediatedisposal,arenotoursource.

WehavetappedintoaGreaterSource,asourceofinfiniteandimmediatesupply:GodandHisUniverse.

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OurtaskistoallowourselvestocomeintoharmonywithourSource.Ourtaskistobelievein,andlookto,ourtrueSource.Ourtaskistoreleasefear,negative
thinking,limitations,andshortsupplythinking.

Everythingweneedshallbeprovidedtous.Letitbecomeanaturalresponsetoallsituations,andallsituationsofneed.

Rejectfear.Rejectshortsupplyandlimitedthinkingnotions.Beopentoabundance.

CherishneedbecauseitispartofourrelationshiptoGodandHisUniverse.Godhasplannedtomeetoureveryneed,hascreatedtheneedwithinus,soGodcan
supply.

Noneedistoosmallortoogreat.Ifwecareandvalueourneed,Godwilltoo.

Ourpartistakingresponsibilityforowningtheneed.Our

partisgivingtheneedtotheUniverse.Ourpartislettinggo,infaith.OurpartisgivingGodpermissiontomeetourneedsbybelievingwedeservetohaveour
needsandwantsmet.

Ourpartishealthygiving,notoutofcaretaking,guilt,obligation,andcodependency,butoutofahealthyrelationshipwithourselves,God,andallofGod'screations.

Ourpartissimplytobewhoweare,andlovebeingthat.

Today,Iwillpracticethebeliefthatallmyneedstodayshallbemet.IwillstepintoharmonywithGodandHisUniverse,knowingthatIcount.

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November

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November1
TransformationThroughGrief

We'restrivingforacceptanceinrecoveryacceptanceofourselves,ourpast,otherpeople,andourpresentcircumstances.Acceptancebringspeace,healing,and
freedomthefreedomtotakecareofourselves.

Acceptanceisnotaonestepprocess.Beforeweachieveacceptance,wegotowarditinstagesofdenial,anger,negotiating,andsadness.Wecallthesestagesthe
griefprocess.Griefcanbefrustrating.Itcanbeconfusing.Wemayvacillatebetweensadnessanddenial.Ourbehaviorsmayvacillate.Othersmaynotunderstandus.
Wemayneitherunderstandourselvesnorourownbehaviorwhilewe'regrievingourlosses.Thenoneday,thingsbecomeclear.Thefoglifts,andweseethatwehave
beenstrugglingtofaceandacceptaparticularreality.

Don'tworry.Ifwearetakingstepstotakecareofourselves,wewillmovethroughthisprocessatexactlytherightpace.Beunderstandingwithyourselfandothers
fortheveryhumanwaywegothroughtransition.

Today,IwillacceptthewayIgothroughchange.Iwillacceptthegriefprocess,anditsstages,asthewaypeopleacceptlossandchange.

November2
TheGriefProcess

Toletourselveswhollygrieveourlossesishowwesurrendertotheprocessoflifeandrecovery.Someexperts,likePatrickCarnes,calltheTwelveSteps''a
programfordealingwithourlosses,aprogramfordealingwithourgrief.''

Howdowegrieve?

Awkwardly.Imperfectly.Usuallywithagreatdealofresistance.Oftenwithangerandattemptstonegotiate.Ultimately,bysurrenderingtothepain.

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Thegriefprocess,saysElisabethKublerRoss,isafivestageprocess:denial,anger,bargaining,sadness,and,finally,acceptance.That'showwegrievethat'show
weacceptthat'showweforgivethat'showwerespondtothemanychangeslifethrowsourway.

Althoughthisfivestepprocesslookstidyonpaper,itisnottidyinlife.Wedonotmovethroughitinacompartmentalizedmanner.Weusuallyflounderthrough,
kickingandscreamingwithmuchbackandforthmovementuntilwereachthatpeacefulstatecalledacceptance.

Whenwetalkabout"unfinishedbusiness"fromourpast,weareusuallyreferringtolossesaboutwhichwehavenotcompletedgrieving.We'retalkingaboutbeing
stucksomewhereinthegriefprocess.Usually,foradultchildrenandcodependents,theplacewherewebecomestuckisdenial.Passingthroughdenialisthefirstand
mostdangerousstageofgrieving,butitisalsothefirststeptowardacceptance.

Wecanlearntounderstandthegriefprocessandhowitappliestorecovery.Evengoodchangesinrecoverycanbringlossand,consequently,grief.Wecanlearnto
helpourselvesandothersbyunderstandingandbecomingfamiliarwiththisprocess.Wecanlearntofullygrieveourlosses,feelourpain,accept,andforgive,sowe
canfeeljoyandlove.

Today,God,helpmeopenmyselftotheprocessofgrievingmylosses.Helpmeallowmyselftoflowthroughthegriefprocess,acceptingallthestagessoI
mightachievepeaceandacceptanceinmylife.Helpmelearntobegentlewithmyselfandotherswhilewegothroughthisveryhumanprocessofhealing.

November3
Denial

Denialisfertilebreedinggroundforthebehaviorswecallcodependent:controlling,focusingonothers,andneglecting

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ourselves.Illnessandcompulsiveoraddictivebehaviorscanalsoemergeduringdenial.

Denialcanbeconfusingbecauseitresemblessleeping.We'renotreallyawarewe'redoingituntilwe'redonedoingit.Forcingourselvesoranyoneelsetoface
thetruthusuallydoesn'thelp.Wewon'tfacethefactsuntilweareready.Neither,itseems,willanyoneelse.Wemayadmittothetruthforamoment,butwewon't
letourselvesknowwhatweknowuntilwefeelsafe,secure,andpreparedenoughtodealandcopewithit.

Talkingtofriendswhoknow,love,support,encourage,andaffirmushelps.

Beinggentle,loving,andaffirmingwithourselveshelps.Askingourselves,andourHigherPower,toguideusintoandthroughchangehelps.

Thefirststeptowardacceptanceisdenial.Thefirststeptowardmovingthroughdenialisacceptingthatwemaybeindenial,andthengentlyallowingourselvesto
movethrough.

God,helpmefeelsafeandsecureenoughtodaytoacceptwhatIneedtoaccept.

November4
Anger

Feelingangryand,sometimes,theactofblamingisanaturalandnecessarypartofacceptinglossandchangeofgrieving.Wecanallowourselvesandothersto
becomeangryaswemovefromdenialtowardacceptance.

Aswecometotermswithlossandchange,wemayblameourselves,ourHigherPower,orothers.Thepersonmaybeconnectedtotheloss,orheorshemaybean
innocentbystander.Wemayhearourselvessay:"Ifonlyhewouldhavedonethat....IfIwouldn'thavedonethat....Whydidn'tGoddoitdifferently?..."We
knowthatblamedoesn'thelp.Inrecovery,thewatchwordsareselfresponsibilityand

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personalaccountability,notblame.Ultimately,surrenderandselfresponsibilityaretheonlyconceptsthatcanmoveusforward,buttogettherewemayneedto
allowourselvestofeelangryandtooccasionallyindulgeinsomeblaming.

Itishelpful,indealingwithothers,torememberthatthey,too,mayneedtogothroughtheirangrystagetoachieveacceptance.Tonotallowothers,orourselves,to
gothroughangerandblamemayslowdownthegriefprocess.

Trustourselvesandthegriefprocess.Wewon'tstayangryforever.Butwemayneedtogetmadforawhileaswesearchoverwhatcouldhavebeen,tofinallyaccept
whatis.

God,helpmelearntoacceptmyownandothers'angerasanormalpartofachievingacceptanceandpeace.Withinthatframework,helpmestrivefor
personalaccountability.

November5
Let'sMakeaDeal
Therelationshipjustwasn'tworkingout,andIwantedittosobadly.IkeptthinkingifIjustmademyselflookprettier,ifIjusttriedtobeamoreloving,kindperson,thenhewould
loveme.Iturnedmyselfinsideouttobesomethingbetter,whenallalong,whoIwaswasokay.Ijustcouldn'tseewhatIwasdoing,though,untilImovedforwardandaccepted
reality.
Anonymous

Oneofthemostfrustratingstagesofacceptanceisthebargainingstage.Indenial,thereisbliss.Inanger,thereissomesenseofpower.Inbargaining,wevacillate
betweenbelievingthereissomethingwecandotochangethingsandrealizingthereisn't.

Wemaygetourhopesupagainandagain,onlytohavethemdashed.

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Manyofushaveturnedourselvesinsideouttotrytonegotiatewithreality.Someofushavedonethingsthatappearabsurd,inretrospect,oncewe'veachieved
acceptance.

"IfItrytobeabetterperson,thenthiswon'thappen....IfIlookprettier,keepacleanerhouse,loseweight,smilemore,letgo,hangonmoretightly,closemyeyes
andcounttoten,holler,thenIwon'thavetofacethisloss,thischange."

TherearestoriesfrommembersofAlAnonaboutattemptstobargainwiththealcoholic'sdrinking:"IfIkeepthehousecleaner,hewon'tdrink....IfImakeher
happybybuyingheranewdress,shewon'tdrink....IfIbuymysonanewcar,hellstopusingdrugs."

Adultchildrenhavebargainedwiththeirlossestoo:"MaybeifI'mtheperfectchild,thenMomorDadwillloveandapproveofme,stopdrinking,andbethereforme
thewayIwantthemtobe."Wedobig,small,andinbetweenthings,sometimescrazythings,towardoff,stop,orstallthepaininvolvedwithacceptingreality.

Thereisnosubstituteforacceptingreality.That'sourgoal.Butalongtheway,wemaytrytostrikeadeal.Recognizingourattemptsatbargainingforwhattheyare
partofthegriefprocesshelpsourlivesbecomemanageable.

Today,Iwillgivemyselfandothersthefreedomtofullygrievelosses.Iwillholdmyselfaccountable,butIwillgivemyselfpermissiontobehuman.

November6
EnjoyingLife

Dosomethingfuntoday.

Ifyou'rerelaxing,letyourselfrelax,withoutguilt,withoutworryingabouttheworkthatisundone.

Ifyou'rewithlovedones,letyourselflovethem,andletthemloveyou.Letyourselffeelclose.

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Letyourselfenjoyyourwork,forthatcanbepleasurabletoo.

Ifyou'redoingsomethingfun,letyourselfenjoyit.

Whatwouldfeelgood?Whatwouldyouenjoy?Isthereapositivepleasureavailable?Indulge.

Recoveryisnotsolelyaboutstoppingthepain.Recoveryisaboutlearningtomakeourselvesfeelbetterthenit'saboutmakingourselvesfeelgood.

Enjoyyourday.

Today,Iwilldosomethingfun,somethingIenjoy,somethingjustforme.Iwilltakeresponsibilityformakingmyselffeelgood.

November7
Relationships

Thereisagiftforusineachrelationshipthatcomesourway.

Sometimesthegiftisabehaviorwe'relearningtoacquire:detachment,selfesteem,becomingconfidentenoughtosetaboundary,orowningourpowerinanother
way.

Somerelationshipstriggerhealinginushealingfromissuesofthepastoranissuewe'refacingtoday.

Sometimeswefindourselveslearningthemostimportantlessonsfromthepeopleweleastexpecttohelpus.Relationshipsmayteachusaboutlovingourselvesor
someoneelse.Ormaybewelllearntoletothersloveus.

Sometimes,wearen'tcertainwhatlessonwe'relearning,especiallywhilewe'reinthemidstoftheprocess.Butwecantrustthatthelessonandthegiftarethere.We
don'thavetocontrolthisprocess.We'llunderstand,whenit'stime.Wecanalsotrustthatthegiftispreciselywhatweneed.

Today,I'llbegratefulforallmyrelationships.Iwillopenmyselftothelessonandthegiftfromeachpersoninmylife.IwilltrustthatI,too,amagiftin
otherpeople'slives.

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November8
TruetoOurselves
Thisaboveall:tothineownselfbetrue,anditmustfollow,asthenighttheday,thou'canstnotthenbefalsetoanyman.
WilliamShakespeare

Tothineownselfbetrue.Agroundingstatementforthoseofuswhogetcaughtupinthestormofneedsandfeelingsofothers.

Listentotheself.Whatdoweneed?Arethoseneedsgettingmet?Whatdowefeel?Whatdoweneedtodototakecareofourfeelings?Whatareourfeelings
tellingusaboutourselvesandthedirectionweneedtogo?

Whatdowewanttodoorsay?Whatareourinstinctstellingus?Trustthemeveniftheydon'tmakesenseormeetotherpeople'srulesandexpectations.

Sometimes,thedemandsofotherpeopleandourconfusedexpectationsofourselvesthemessagesaboutourresponsibilitiestowardotherscancreatea
tremendous,complicatedmess.

Wecanevenconvinceourselvesthatpeoplepleasing,goingagainstournatureandnotbeinghonest,isthekind,honestthingtodo!

Nottrue.Simplify.Backtobasics.Letgooftheconfusion.Byhonoringandrespectingourselves,wewillbetruetothosearoundus,evenifwedispleasethem
momentarily.

Tothineownselfbetrue.Simplewordsdescribingapowerfultaskthatcanputusbackontrack.

Today,Iwillhonor,cherish,andlovemyself.Whenconfusedaboutwhattodo,Iwillbetruetomyself.Iwillbreakfreeoftheholdothers,andtheir
expectations,haveonme.

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November9
AcceptingLove

Manyofushaveworkedtoohardtomakerelationshipsworksometimesthoserelationshipsdidn'thaveachancebecausetheotherpersonwasunavailableor
refusedtoparticipate.

Tocompensatefortheotherperson'sunavailability,weworkedtoohard.Wemayhavedoneallormostofthework.Thismaymaskthesituationforawhile,butwe
usuallygettired.Then,whenwestopdoingallthework,wenoticethereisnorelationship,orwe'resotiredwedon'tcare.

Doingalltheworkinarelationshipisnotloving,giving,orcaring.Itisselfdefeatingandrelationshipdefeating.Itcreatestheillusionofarelationshipwheninfactthere
maybenorelationship.Itenablestheotherpersontobeirresponsibleforhisorhershare.Becausethatdoesnotmeetourneeds,weultimatelyfeelvictimized.

Inourbestrelationships,weallhavetemporaryperiodswhereonepersonparticipatesmorethantheother.Thisisnormal.Butasapermanentwayofparticipatingin
relationships,itleavesusfeelingtired,wornout,needy,andangry.

Wecanlearntoparticipateareasonableamount,thenlettherelationshipfindit'sownlife.Arewedoingallthecalling?Arewedoingalltheinitiating?Arewedoingall
thegiving?Arewetheonetalkingaboutfeelingsandstrivingforintimacy?

Arewedoingallthewaiting,thehoping,thework?

Wecanletgo.Iftherelationshipismeanttobe,itwillbe,anditwillbecomewhatitismeanttobe.Wedonothelpthatprocessbytryingtocontrolit.Wedonot
helpourselves,theotherperson,ortherelationshipbytryingtoforceitorbydoingallthework.

Letitbe.Waitandsee.Stopworryingaboutmakingithappen.Seewhathappensandstrivetounderstandifthatiswhatyouwant.

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Today,Iwillstopdoingalltheworkinmyrelationships.Iwillgivemyselfandtheotherpersonthegiftofrequiringbothpeopletoparticipate.Iwillaccept
thenaturallevelmyrelationshipsreachwhenIdomyshareandallowtheotherpersontochoosewhathisorhersharewillbe.Icantrustmyrelationships
toreachtheirownlevel.IdonothavetodoalltheworkIneedonlydomyshare.

November10
BeliefsAboutMoney
Iwasstartinganewjobforacorporation.IwasgoodatwhatIdidforaliving.ThepersonnelmanagerandIweredowntothedetailsofemployment,andheaskedmehowmuch
moneyIbelievedIdeserved.Ithoughtaboutitandcameupwithafigureof$400amonth.Thiswasbackinthesixties.Ididn'twanttoaskfortoomuch,soIdecidedtoaskforthe
smallestamountIcouldlivewith.HehiredmeandgavemewhatIaskedfor.Lateron,whenIleftthatjob,thepersonnelmanagertoldmehehadbeenwillingtopaymewhateverI
wanted.HadIaskedfor$600oreven$700amonth,whichwasatremendoussalaryatthattime,Iwouldhavegottenit.IhadlimitedmyselfbywhatIbelievedIdeserved.
Anonymous

Whatareourbeliefsaboutmoney?

Dowebelievethatmoneyisevilandwrong?Moneyisneither.Itisacommodityonearth,anecessity.Itiswhatpeopleneedtopurchasemanyoftheirbasicneeds,
aswellasluxuriesandtreatsitisonewaytheyarerewardedfortheirwork.Lovingmoney,however,canbeasselfdefeatingaslovinganyothercommodity.Wecan
becomeobsessedwithmoneywecanuseitasanescapefromrelationshipsandfeelingswecanuseitcompulsivelytogainatemporarysenseofpower.Moneyis
simplymoney.

Dowebelievethere'sascarcityofmoney?Manyofusgrewupwithdeprivedthinkingconcerningmoney:There'snot

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enough.Therewillneverbeenough.Ifwegetalittle,wemayguarditandhoarditbecausethere'snomore.

Moneyisnotinshortsupply.Wedonothavetowasteourenergyresentingthosewhohaveenough.Thereisplentyofmoneyhereonearth.

Howmuchdowebelievewedeserve?Manyofusarelimitingourselvesbywhatwebelievewedeserve.

Moneyisnotevil.Thereisnoscarcity,exceptinourmindandattitudes.Andwhatwebelievewedeservewillbeaboutwhatweshallreceive.

Wecanchangeourbeliefsthroughaffirmations,bysettinggoals,bystartingwhereweare,andworkingslowlyforwardtowherewewanttobe.

Today,Iwillexaminemybeliefsaboutmoney.Iwillbegintheprocessoflettinggoofanyselfdefeatingbeliefsthatmaybelimitingorblockingthe
financialpartofmylife.

November11
Discipline

Childrenneeddisciplinetofeelsecuresodoadults.

Disciplinemeansunderstandingtherearelogicalconsequencestoourbehavior.Disciplinemeanstakingresponsibilityforourbehaviorandtheconsequences.

Disciplinemeanslearningtowaitforwhatwewant.

Disciplinemeansbeingwillingtoworkforandtowardwhatwewant.

Disciplinemeanslearningandpracticingnewbehaviors.

Disciplinemeansbeingwhereweneedtobe,whenweneedtobethere,despiteourfeelings.

Disciplineisthedaytodayperformingoftasks,whethertheseberecoverybehaviorsorwashingthedishes.

Disciplineinvolvestrustingthatourgoalswillbereachedthoughwecannotseethem.

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Disciplinecanbegrueling.Wemayfeelafraid,confused,uncertain.Later,wewillseethepurpose.Butthisclarityofsightusuallydoesnotcomeduringthetimeof
discipline.Wemaynotevenbelievewe'removingforward.

Butweare.Thetaskathandduringtimesofdisciplineissimple:listen,trust,andobey.

HigherPower,helpmelearntosurrendertodiscipline.HelpmebegratefulthatYoucareenoughaboutmetoallowthesetimesofdisciplineandlearning
inmylife.Helpmeknowthatasaresultofdisciplineandlearning,somethingimportantwillhavebeenworkedoutinme.

November12
Timing

Waituntilthetimeisright.Itisselfdefeatingtopostponeorprocrastinateitisalsoselfdefeatingtoacttoosoon,beforethetimeisright.

Sometimes,wepanicandtakeactionoutoffear.Sometimes,wetakeuntimelyactionforrevengeorbecausewewanttopunishsomeone.Weactorspeaktoosoon
asawaytocontrolorforcesomeonetoaction.Sometimes,wetakeactiontoosoontorelievefeelingsofdiscomfortoranxietyabouthowasituationwillturnout.

Anactiontakentoosooncanbeasineffectiveasonetakentoolate.Itcanbackfireandcausemoreproblemsthanitsolves.Usually,whenwewaituntilthetimeis
rightsometimesonlyamatterofminutesorhoursthediscomfortdissolves,andwe'reempoweredtoaccomplishwhatweneedtodo.

Inrecovery,wearelearningtobeeffective.

Ouranswerswillcome.Ourguidancewillcome.Pray.Trust.Wait.Letgo.Wearebeingled.Wearebeingguided.

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Today,Iwillletgoofmyneedtocontrolbywaitinguntilthetimeisright.Whenthetimeisright,Iwilltakeaction.

November13
TakingCareofOurselves

Wedonothavetowaitforotherstocometoouraid.Wearenotvictims.Wearenothelpless.

Lettinggooffaultythinkingmeanswerealizetherearenoknightsonwhitehorses,nomagicalgrandmothersintheskywatching,waitingtorescueus.

Teachersmaycomeourway,buttheywillnotrescue.Theywillteach.Peoplewhocarewillcome,buttheywillnotrescue.Theywillcare.Helpwillcome,buthelpis
notrescuing.

Weareourownrescuers.

Ourrelationshipswillimprovedramaticallywhenwestoprescuingothersandstopexpectingthemtorescueus.

Today,Iwillletgoofthefearsandselfdoubtthatblockmefromtakingassertiveactioninmybestinterest.Icantakecareofmyselfandletothersdothe
sameforthemselves.

November14
LettingOurAngerOut

It'sokaytobeangry,butitisn'thealthytoberesentful.Regardlessofwhatwelearnedaschildren,nomatterwhatwesawrolemodeled,wecanlearntodealwith
ourangerinwaysthatarehealthyforusandforthosearoundus.Wecanhaveourangryfeelings.Wecanconnectwiththem,ownthem,feelthem,expressthem,
releasethem,andbedonewiththem.

Wecanlearntolistentowhatangeristellingusaboutwhatwewantandneedinordertotakecareofourselves.

Sometimeswecanevenindulgeinangryfeelingsthataren'tjustified.Feelingsarejustfeelingsthereisnomoralityinthefeeling,onlyinourbehavior.Wecanfeel
angry

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withouthurtingorabusingothersorourselves.Wecanlearntodealwithangerinwaysthatbenefitourrelationshipsinsteadofwaysthatharmthem.

Ifwedon'tfeelourangryfeelingstoday,wewillneedtofacethemtomorrow.

Today,Iwillletmyselffeelmyanger.Iwillexpressmyangerappropriately,withoutguilt.ThenIwillbedonewithit.

November15
BenefitsofRecovery

Therearetwobenefitsfromrecovery:wehaveshorttermgainsandlongtermgains.

Theshorttermgainsarethethingswecandotodaythathelpusfeelbetterimmediately.

Wecanwakeupinthemorning,readforafewminutesinourmeditationbook,andfeellifted.WecanworkaStepandoftennoticeanimmediatedifferenceinthe
waywefeelandfunction.Wecangotoameetingandfeelrefreshed,talktoafriendandfeelcomforted,orpracticeanewrecoverybehavior,suchasdealingwith
ourfeelingsordoingsomethinggoodforourselves,andfeelrelieved.

Thereareotherbenefitsfromrecovery,though,thatwedon'tseeimmediatelyonadailyorevenamonthlybasis.Thesearethelongtermgains,thelargerprogress
wemakeinourlife.

Overtheyears,wecanseetremendousrewards.Wecanwatchourselvesgrowstronginfaith,untilwehaveadailypersonalrelationshipwithaHigherPowerthatis
asrealtousasarelationshipwithabestfriend.

Wecanwatchourselvesgrowbeautifulasweshedshame,guilt,resentments,selfhatred,andothernegativebuildupsfromourpast.

Wecanwatchthequalityofourrelationshipsimprovewithfamily,friends,andspouses.Wefindourselvesgrowing

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steadilyandgraduallyinourcapacitytobeintimateandclose,togiveandreceive.

Wecanwatchourselvesgrowinourcareers,inourabilitytobecreative,powerful,productivepeople,usingourgiftsandtalentsinawaythatfeelsgoodandbenefits
others.

Wediscoverthejoyandbeautyinourselves,others,andlife.

Thelongtermprogressissteady,butsometimesslow,happeninginincrementsandoftenwithmuchforwardandbackwardmovement.Enoughdaysatatimeof
practicingrecoverybehaviorsandpilingupshorttermgainsleadstolongtermrewards.

Today,Iwillbegratefulfortheimmediateandlongtermrewardsofrecovery.IfIamnewtorecovery,IwillhavefaiththatIcanachievethelongterm
benefits.IfI'vebeenrecoveringforawhile,Iwillpausetoreflect,andbegratefulformyoverallprogress.

November16
TheVictimTrap

Thebeliefthatlifehastobehardanddifficultisthebeliefthatmakesamartyr.

Wecanchangeournegativebeliefsaboutlife,andwhetherwehavethepowertostopourpainandtakecareofourselves.

Wearen'thelpless.Wecansolveourproblems.Wedohavepowernottochangeorcontrolothers,buttosolvetheproblemsthatareourstosolve.

Usingeachproblemthatcomesourwayto''prove''thatlifeishardandwearehelplessthisiscodependency.It'sthevictimtrap.

Lifedoesnothavetobedifficult.Infact,itcanbesmooth.Lifeisgood.Wedon'thaveto"awfulize"it,orourselves.Wedon'thavetoliveontheunderside.

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Wedohavepower,morepowerthanweknow,eveninthedifficulttimes.Andthedifficulttimesdon'tprovelifeisbadtheyarepartoftheupsanddownsoflife
often,theyworkoutforthebest.

Wecanchangeourattitudewecanchangeourselvessometimes,wecanchangeourcircumstances.

Lifeischallenging.Sometimes,there'smorepainthanweaskedforsometimes,there'smorejoythanweimagined.

It'sallpartofthepackage,andthepackageisgood.

Wearenotvictimsoflife.Wecanlearntoremoveourselvesasvictimsoflife.Bylettinggoofourbeliefthatlifehastobehardanddifficult,wemakeourlifemuch
easier.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmybeliefthatlifeissohard,soawful,orsodifficult.Helpmereplacethatbeliefwithahealthier,morerealisticview.

November17
TrustinGodanddosomething.
MaryLyon

It'simportanttoletourselvesgrieveasapassagebetweenyesterdayandtomorrow.Butwedonothavetobecontrolledundulybyourgrief,orourpain.

Therearetimeswhenwehavegrieved,surrenderedtotheheaviness,tiredness,andwearinessofacircumstancelongenough.Itbecomestimetobreakout.Itcomes
timetotakeaction.

Wewillknowwhenit'stimetobreaktheroutineofgrieving.Therewillbesignswithinandaroundus.Wewillbecometiredoftheheaviness.Anideawilloccuran
opportunitywillpresentitself.Wemaythink:No.Toomucheffort....Doitanyway.Trysomething.Reachout.Stretch.Dosomethingunusual,somethingdifferent,
somethingspecial.

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Anewactivitymayhelptriggerthetransformationprocess.Stayuptwohourslaterthanusual!Makeanappointmenttodosomethingforyourselfthatisdifferentfrom
whatyouusuallydo.Visitsomeoneyouhaven'tseeninyears.Dosomethingtoencourageandhelpthenewenergycomingyourway.

Wemaynotfeellikebreakingoutofgrief.Itmayfeelsafer,easier,toremaininourcocoon.Beginpushingoutanyway.

Testthewallsofyourcocoon.Push.Pushalittleharder.Itmaybetimetoemerge.

Today,IwilltrustGodandtheprocess,butIwillalsotakeactiontohelpmyselffeelbetter.

November18
AllowingOurselvestobeNurtured

Letyourselfbenurturedandloved.Letpeoplebethereforyou.Allowyourselftobeheldwhenitwouldfeelgood.Letsomeonelistentoyou,supportandencourage
youwhenyouneedthat.Receivecomfortfromsomeone'sphysicalpresencewhenyouneedthat.Allowyourselftobesupportedemotionallyandcaredabout.

Fortoolong,we'vestoodinthebackground,attendingtotheneedsofothersandclaimingwehavenoneedsofourown.We'veshutoff,fortoolong,thepartofus
thatlongstobenurtured.

Itistime,now,toclaimthoseneeds,toidentifythem,andtounderstandthatwedeservetohavethemmet.

Whatareourneeds?Whatwouldfeelgood?Whatkindsofwayswouldwelikeotherstonurtureandsupportus?Themoreclearwecanbeaboutourneeds,the
greaterthepossibilitytheywillbemet.

Hugs.Alisteningear.Support.Encouragement.Thephysicalandemotionalpresenceofpeoplewhocareaboutus.Doesn'tthatsoundgood?Tempting?

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Someoneoncesaidtome,"Theeightieshavebeena'me'decade.Now,maybetheninetiescanbea'you'decade."

Myreplywasimmediate."Let'smaketheninetiesa'me'and'you'decade."

Nomatterhowlongwe'vebeenrecovering,weneveroutgrowourneedfornurturingandlove.

Today,Iwillbeopentorecognizingmyneedsfornurturing.Iwillbeopentotheneedsofthosearoundmetoo.Icanbegintakinganurturingloving
attitudetowardmyselfandbytakingresponsibilityformyneedsinrelationships.

November19
AcceptingOurFeelings

Whydowestrugglesowithourfeelings?Whydoweworksohardtodenyouremotions,especiallyconcerningotherpeople?Theyareonlyfeelings!

Inthecourseofaday,wemaydenywefeelfrustratedinreactiontosomeonewhoissellingusaservice.

Wemaydenythatwefeelfrustrated,angry,orhurtinreactiontoafriend.

Wemaydenyfeelingsoffear,oranger,towardourchildren.

Wemaydenyawholerangeoffeelingstowardourspouseorthepersonwithwhomwe'reinaloverelationship.

Wemaydenyfeelingsprovokedbypeopleweworkfor,orbypeoplewhoworkforus.

Sometimesthefeelingsareadirectreactiontoothers.Sometimespeopletriggersomethingdeeperanoldsadnessorfrustration.

Regardlessofthesourceofourfeelings,theyarestillourfeelings.Weownthem.Andacceptanceisoftenallthatisnecessarytomakethemgoaway.

Wedon'thavetoletourfeelingscontrolourbehavior.Wedon'thavetoactoneachfeelingthatpassesthroughus.Wedonotneedtoindulgeininappropriate
behavior.

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Itdoeshelptotalkaboutourfeelingswithsomeonewetrust.Sometimesweneedtobringourfeelingstothepersonwhoistriggeringthem.Thatcanbreedintimacy
andcloseness.Butthemostimportantpersonweneedtotellisourselves.Ifweallowourfeelingstopassthroughus,acceptthem,andreleasethem,weshallknow
whattodonext.

Today,Iwillrememberthatfeelingsareanimportantpartofmylife.Iwillbeopentomyfeelingsinfamilylife,infriendships,inlove,andatwork.Iwill
feelmyfeelingswithoutjudgingmyself.

November20
WantsandNeeds

Somanyofushavebeenbrainwashedtothinkthatwecan'thavewhatwewantinlife.Thatisthebeliefofthemartyr.Itisbornofdeprivationandfear.

Identifyingwhatwewantandneed,thenwritingitdown,setsinmotionapowerfulchainofevents.Itindicatesthatwearetakingresponsibilityforourselves,giving
GodandtheUniversepermissiontosupplyourwantsandneeds.

Thebeliefthatwedeservetohaveachangeincharacter,arelationship,anewdimensiontoanexistingrelationship,apossession,acertainlevelofhealth,living,
loving,orsuccess,isapowerfulforceinbringingthatdesiretopass.

Often,whenwerealizethatwewantsomething,thatfeelingisGodpreparingustoreceiveit!

Listen.Trust.Empowerthegoodinyourlifebypayingattentiontowhatyouwantandneed.Writeitdown.Affirmitmentally.Prayaboutit.Then,letitgo.Giveitto
God,andseewhathappens.

Theresultsmaybebetterthanyouthink.

Today,IwillpayattentiontowhatIwantandneed.Iwilltaketimetowriteitdown,thenIwillletitgo.IwillbegintobelieveIdeservethebest.

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November21
FinancialFears

Isatinthecar,lookingatthesignonthedoorofthefoodshelfoffice:"CloseduntilFriday."ItwasWednesday.IhadtwohungrychildrenandmyselfIhadno
money.

Ilaidmyheadonthesteeringwheel.Icouldn'ttakeitanymore.

Ihadbeensostrong,sobrave,sotrustingforsolong.Iwasasingleparentwithtwochildren,recentlydivorced.Ihadworkedsocourageouslyatbeinggratefulfor
whatIhad,whilesettingfinancialgoalsandworkingatbelievingIdeservedthebest.

Ihadputupwithsomuchpoverty,somuchdeprivation.Daily,IworkedtheEleventhStep.IworkedsohardatprayingforknowledgeofGod'swillformeonly,and
thepowertocarryitthrough.IbelievedIwasdoingwhatIneededtodoinmylife.Iwasn'tlollygagging.Iwasdoingmybest,workingmyhardest.

Andtherejustwasn'tenoughmoney.Lifehadbeenastruggleinmanyways,butthefinancialstruggleseemedendless.

Moneyisn'teverything,butittakesmoneytosolvecertainproblems.Iwassickof"lettinggo"and"lettinggo"and''lettinggo."Iwassickof"actingasif''Ihadenough
money.Iwastiredofhavingtoworksoharddailyatlettinggoofthepainandfearaboutnothavingenough.Iwastiredofworkingsohardatbeinghappywithout
havingenough.Actually,mostofthetimeIwashappy.Ihadfoundmysoulinpoverty.ButnowthatIhadmysoulandmyself,Iwantedsomemoneytoo.

WhileIsatinthecartryingtocomposemyself,IheardGodspeaktomeinthatsilent,stillvoicethatwhispersgentlytooursouls.

"Youdon'teverhavetoworryaboutmoneyagain,child.Notunlessyouwantto.ItoldyouthatIwouldtakecareofyou.AndIwill."

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Great,Ithought.Thanksalot.Ibelieveyou.Itrustyou.Butlookaround.Ihavenomoney.Ihavenofood.Andthefoodshelfisclosed.You'veletmedown.

AgainIheardHisvoiceinmysoul:"Youdon'thavetoworryaboutmoneyagain.Youdon'thavetobeafraid.Ipromisedtomeetallyourneeds."

Iwenthome,calledafriend,andaskedtoborrowsomemoney.Ihatedborrowing,butIhadnochoice.Mybreakdowninthecarwasarelease,butitdidn'tsolvea
thingthatday.Therewasnocheckinthemailbox.

ButIgotfoodfortheday.Andthenextday.Andthenext.Withinsixmonths,myincomedoubled.Withinninemonths,ittripled.Sincethatday,Ihavehadhard
times,butIhaveneverhadtogowithoutnotformorethanamomentintime.

Now,Ihaveenough.SometimesIstillworryaboutmoneybecausethatseemstobehabitual.ButnowIknowIdon'thaveto,andIknowIneverdid.

God,helpmeworkhardatwhatIbelieveisrightformeinmylifetoday,andI'lltrustYoufortherest.Helpmeletgoofmyfearsaboutmoney.Helpme
turnthatareaovertoYou,God.Takeawaytheblocksandbarriersinmylifetofinancialsuccess.

November22
TheMagicofGratitudeandAcceptance

Gratitudeandacceptancearetwomagictricksavailabletousinrecovery.Nomatterwhoweare,whereweare,orwhatwehave,gratitudeandacceptancework.

Wemayeventuallybecomesohappythatwerealizeourpresentcircumstancesaregood.Orwemasterourpresentcircumstancesandthenmoveforwardintothe
nextsetofcircumstances.

Ifwebecomestuck,miserable,feelingtrappedandhopeless,trygratitudeandacceptance.Ifwehavetried

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unsuccessfullytoalterourpresentcircumstancesandhavebeguntofeellikewe'rebeatingourheadagainstabrickwall,trygratitudeandacceptance.

Ifwefeellikeallisdarkandthenightwillneverend,trygratitudeandacceptance.

Ifwefeelscaredanduncertain,trygratitudeandacceptance.

Ifwe'vetriedeverythingelseandnothingseemstowork,trygratitudeandacceptance.

Ifwe'vebeenfightingsomething,trygratitudeandacceptance.

Whenallelsefails,gobacktothebasics.

Gratitudeandacceptancework.

Today,God,helpmeletgoofmyresistance.HelpmeknowthepainofacircumstancewillstophurtingsomuchifIacceptit.Iwillpracticethebasicsof
gratitudeandacceptanceinmylife,andforallmypresentcircumstances.

November23
HealthySexuality

Manyareasofourlifeneedhealing.

Oneimportantpartofourlifeisoursexuality.Ourfeelingsandbeliefsaboutoursexuality,ourabilitytonurture,cherish,andenjoyoursexuality,ourabilitytorespect
ourselvessexually,ourabilitytoletgoofsexualshameandconfusion,mayallbeimpairedorconfusedbyourcodependency.

Oursexualenergymaybeblocked.Orforsomeofus,sexmaybetheonlywaywelearnedtoconnectwithpeople.Oursexualitymaynotbeconnectedtotherestof
ussexmaynotbeconnectedtoloveforourselvesorothers.

Someofusweresexuallyabusedaschildren.Someofusmayhavegotteninvolvedinsexualityaddictivebehaviors

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compulsivesexualbehaviorsthatgotoutofcontrolandproducedshame.

Someofusmayhavegotteninvolvedinsexualcodependency:notpayingattentiontowhatwewanted,ordidn'twant,sexuallyallowingourselvestogetinvolved
sexuallybecauseitwaswhattheotherpersonwantedshuttingoffoursexualityalongwithourotherfeelingsdenyingourselveshealthyenjoymentofourselvesas
sexualbeings.

Oursexualityisapartofourselvesthatdeserveshealingattentionandenergy.Itisapartofusthatwecanallowtobecomeconnectedtothewholeofusitisapart
ofusthatwecanstopbeingashamedof.

Itisokayandhealthytoallowoursexualenergytoopenupandbecomehealed.Itisconnectedtoourcreativityandtoourheart.Wedonothavetoallowoursexual
energytocontrolusorourrelationships.Wecanestablishandmaintainhealthy,appropriateboundariesaroundoursexuality.Wecandiscoverwhatthatmeansinour
life.

Wecanenjoythegiftofbeinghumanbeingswhohavebeengiventhegiftofsexualenergy,withoutabusingordiscountingthatgift.

Today,Iwillbegintointegratemysexualityintotherestofmypersonality.God,helpmeletgoofmyfearsandshamearoundmysexuality.Showmethe
issuesIneedtofaceconcerningmysexuality.Helpmeopenmyselftohealinginthatareaofmylife.

November2
Surrender4

Surrendermeanssaying,"Okay,God.I'lldowhateverYouwant."FaithintheGodofourrecoverymeanswetrustthat,eventually,we'lllikedoingthat.

Today,IwillsurrendertomyHigherPower.I'lltrustthatGod'splanformewillbegood,evenifitisdifferentthanIhopedfororexpected.

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November25
Awareness

Whenwefirstbecomeawareofaproblem,asituation,orafeeling,wemayreactwithanxietyorfear.Thereisnoneedtofearawareness.Noneed.

Awarenessisthefirststeptowardpositivechangeandgrowth.It'sthefirststeptowardsolvingtheproblem,orgettingtheneedmet,thefirststeptowardthefuture.
It'showwefocusonthenextlesson.

Awarenessishowlife,theUniverse,andourHigherPowergetourattentionandprepareusforchange.Theprocessofbecomingchangedbeginswithawareness.
Awareness,acceptance,andchangethat'sthecycle.Wecanacceptthetemporarydiscomfortfromawarenessbecausethat'showwe'removedtoabetterplace.
WecanacceptthetemporarydiscomfortbecausewecantrustGod,andourselves.

Today,IwillbegratefulforanyawarenessIencounter.Iwilldisplaygratitude,peace,anddignitywhenlifegetsmyattention.Iwillrememberthatit'sokaytoaccept
thetemporarydiscomfortfromawarenessbecauseIcantrustthatit'smyHigherPowermovingmeforward.

November26
LettingGoofSelfCriticism

Lookhowfarwe'vecome!

It'sgoodtofocusonthetaskahead,onwhatremainstobedone.It'simportanttostopandfeelpleasedaboutwhatwe'veaccomplishedtoo.

Yes,itmayseemthatthechangehasbeenslow.Attimes,changeisgrueling.Yes,we'vetakenstepsbackward.Butwe'rerightwherewe'resupposedtobe.We're
rightwhereweneedtobe.

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Andwehavecomesofar.

Sometimesbyleaps,sometimeswithtinysteps,sometimeskickingandscreamingallthewhile,sometimeswithsleevesrolledupandwhiteknuckles,we'velearned.
Grown.Changed.

Lookhowfarwe'vecome.

Today,Iwillappreciatemyprogress.Iwillletmyselffeelgoodaboutwhathasbeenaccomplished.

November27
WeCanTrustOurselves

Formanyofus,theissueisnotwhetherwecantrustanotherpersonagainit'swhetherwecantrustourownjudgmentagain.

"ThelastmistakeImadealmostcostmemysanity,"saidonerecoveringwomanwhomarriedasexaddict."Ican'taffordtomakeanothermistakelikethat."

Manyofushavetrustedpeoplewhowentontodeceive,abuse,manipulate,orotherwiseexploitusbecausewetrustedthem.Wemayhavefoundthesepeople
charming,kind,decent.Theremayhavebeenasmallvoicethatsaid,"Nosomething'swrong."Orwemayhavebeencomfortablewithtrustingthatpersonand
shockedwhenwefoundourinstinctswerewrong.

Theissuemaythenreverberatethroughourlifeforyears.Ourtrustinothersmayhavebeenshaken,butourtrustinourselvesmayhavebeenshatteredworse.

Howcouldsomethingfeelsoright,flowsogood,andbesuchatotalmistake?Wemaywonder.HowcanIevertrustmyselectionprocessagain,whenitshowed
itselftobesofaulty?

Wemayneverhavetheanswers.IbelieveIneededtomakecertain"mistakes"tolearncriticallessonsI'mnotcertainIwouldhaveotherwiselearned.Wecannotlet
ourpast

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interferewithourabilitytotrustourselves.Wecannotaffordtofunctionwithfear.

Ifwearealwaysmakingthewrongdecisioninbusinessorinlove,wemayneedtolearnwhyweinsistondefeatingourselves.

Butmostofusdoimprove.Welearn.Wegrowfromourmistakes.Slowly,inincrements,ourrelationshipsimprove.Ourbusinesschoicesimprove.Ourdecisions
abouthowtohandlesituationswithfriendsorchildrenimprove.Webenefitfromourmistakes.Webenefitfromourpast.Andifwehavemademistakes,weneeded
tomaketheminordertolearnalongtheway.

Today,IwillletgoofmyfearsabouttrustingmyselfbecauseIhavemademistakesinthepast.Iunderstandthatthesefearsonlyservetoimpairmy
judgmenttoday.Iwillgivemypast,evenmymistakes,validitybyacceptingandbeinggratefulforitall.IwillstrivetoseewhatI'vegainedfrommy
mistakes.Iwilltrytolookatallmygooddecisionstoo.Iwillkeepawatchfuleyeforimprovement,foroverallprogress,inmylife.

November28
BacktotheSteps

GobacktotheSteps.GobacktoaStep.

Whenwedon'tknowwhattodonext,whenwefeelconfused,upset,distraught,attheendofourrope,overwhelmed,fullofselfwill,rage,ordespair,gobacktothe
Steps.

Nomatterwhatsituationwearefacing,workingaStepwillhelp.Focusonone,trustyourinstincts,andworkit.

WhatdoesitmeantoworkaStep?Thinkaboutit.Meditateonit.Insteadoffocusingontheconfusion,theproblems,orthesituationcausingourdespairorrage,
focusontheStep.

ThinkabouthowthatStepmightapply.Holdontoit.Hangonastightlyaswehangontoourconfusionortheproblem.

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TheStepsareasolution.Theywork.Wecantrustthemtowork.

WecantrustwheretheStepswillleadus.

Whenwedon'tknowwhatsteptotakenext,takeoneoftheTwelve.

Today,IwillconcentrateonusingtheTwelveStepstosolveproblemsandkeepmeinbalanceandharmony.IwillworkaSteptothebestofmyability.I
willlearntotrusttheSteps,andrelyontheminsteadofonmyprotective,codependentbehaviors.

November29
StepTwelve

TheTwelfthStepsaysthathavinghadaspiritualawakening,wetrytocarrythismessagetoothers.Ourmessageisoneofhope,love,comfort,healthabetterway
oflife,onethatworks.

Howdowecarryit?Notbyrescuing.Notbycontrolling.Notbyobsessing.Notbybecomingevangelistsfortherecoverycause.

Wecarrythemessageinmanysmall,subtle,butpowerfulways.Wedoourownrecoveryworkandbecomealivingdemonstrationofhope,selflove,comfort,and
health.Thesequietbehaviorscanbeapowerfulmessage.

Inviting(notorderingordemanding)someonetogotoameetingisapowerfulwaytocarrythemessage.

Goingtoourmeetingsandsharinghowrecoveryworksforusisapowerfulwaytocarrythemessage.

BeingwhoweareandallowingourHigherPowertoguideouractionsarepowerfulwaystocarrythemessage.Often,wefindourselvescarryingthemessagemore
effectivelythanwedowhenwesetouttoreform,convince,orcoercesomeoneintorecovery.

Caretakingandcontrollingarenotwaystocarrythemessage.Allthosebehaviorscarryiscodependency.

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Still,themostpowerfulformofhelpingotherscomesdowntohelpingourselves.Whenwedoourownworkandarehonestandopenaboutit,weimpactothers
morethanbyourmostwellintentioned"helping"gesture.Wecannotchangeothers,butwhenwechangeourselves,wemayendupchangingtheworld.

Today,Iwillstrivetocarrythemessageinwaysthatwork.Iwillletgoofmyneedto"help"people.Instead,Iwillconcentrateonhelpingandchanging
myself.Ifanopportunitycomesuptosharemyrecoverywithsomeone,Iwilldosoquietly.God,helpmeshowotherscomfort,empowerment,andhope.I
canbeachanneltohelpotherswhenIamready.Idonothavetoforcethisitwillhappennaturally.

November30
Detachment

Oneday,mysonbroughtagerbilhometolivewithus.Weputitinacage.Sometimelater,thegerbilescaped.Forthenextsixmonths,theanimalranfrightenedand
wildthroughthehouse.Sodidwechasingit.

"Thereitis.Getit!"we'dscream,eachtimesomeonespottedthegerbil.I,ormyson,wouldthrowdownwhateverwewereworkingon,raceacrossthehouse,and
lungeattheanimalhopingtocatchit.

Iworriedaboutit,evenwhenwedidn'tseeit."Thisisn'tright,"I'dthink."Ican'thaveagerbilrunninglooseinthehouse.We'vegottocatchit.We'vegottodo
something."

Asmallanimal,thesizeofamousehadtheentirehouseholdinatizzy.

Oneday,whilesittinginthelivingroom,Iwatchedtheanimalscurryacrossthehallway.Inafrenzy,Istartedtolungeatit,asIusuallydid,thenIstoppedmyself.

No,Isaid.I'malldone.Ifthatanimalwantstoliveinthenooksandcranniesofthishouse,I'mgoingtoletit.I'mdone

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worryingaboutit.I'mdonechasingit.It'sanirregularcircumstance,butthat'sjustthewayit'sgoingtohavetobe.

Iletthegerbilrunpastwithoutreacting.IfeltslightlyuncomfortablewithmynewreactionnotreactingbutIstucktoitanyway.

Igotmorecomfortablewithmynewreactionnotreacting.Beforelong,Ibecamedownrightpeacefulwiththesituation.Ihadstoppedfightingthegerbil.One
afternoon,onlyweeksafterIstartedpracticingmynewattitude,thegerbilranbyme,asithadsomanytimes,andIbarelyglancedatit.Theanimalstoppedinits
tracks,turnedaround,andlookedatme.Istartedtolungeatit.Itstartedtorunaway.Irelaxed.

"Fine,"Isaid."Dowhatyouwant."AndImeantit.

Onehourlater,thegerbilcameandstoodbyme,andwaited.Igentlypickeditupandplaceditinitscage,whereithaslivedhappilyeversince.Themoralofthe
story?Don'tlungeatthegerbil.He'salreadyfrightened,andchasinghimjustscareshimmoreandmakesuscrazy.

Detachmentworks.

Today,Iwillbecomfortablewithmynewreactionnotreacting.Iwillfeelatpeace.

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December

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December1
LettingPeopleBeThereforUs

Sometimes,weneednurturing.Sometimes,weneedpeopletosupportus.

Manyofushavebeendeprivedofsupportandnurturingforsolongwemaynotrealizeit'ssomethingwewantandneed.Manyofushavelearnedtoblockorstop
ourselvesfromgettingwhatwewantandneed.

Wemaynotreachouttohaveourneedsmet.Wemaybeinrelationshipswithpeoplewhocannotorwillnotbeavailabletomeetourneeds.Orwemaybein
relationshipswithpeoplewhowouldbehappytorespondtoadirectrequestfromus.

Wemayhavetogiveupsomethingtodothis.Wemayhavetoletgoofourmartyrorvictimrole.Ifweaskforwhatwewantandneed,andgetthoseneedsmet,we
willnotbeabletopunishpeople,orpushthemawaylateron,fordisappointingus.

Wemayhavetoletgoofourfearsenoughtoexperiencetheintimacythatwilloccurwhenweallowsomeonetoloveandsupportus.Wemayevenhavetolearn,one
dayatatime,howtobehappyandcontent.

Learntoletothersbethereforus.

Today,IwillbeopentoidentifyingwhatIneedfrompeople,andIwillaskforwhatIwantdirectly.Iwillletothersbethereforme.

December2
PuttingOurLifeonHold

Wecannotaffordtoputourneedsonhold,waitingforanotherpersontofulfillus,makeourlifebetter,orcomearoundandbewhoandwhatwewantthatpersonto
be.Thatwillcreateresentment,hostility,anunhealthydependency,andamesstodealwithlateron.

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Ifwehavedecidedwewantaparticularrelationshiporwanttowaitaboutmakingadecisioninaparticularrelationship,thenwemustgoonwithourownlifeinthe
interim.

Thatcanbehard.Itcanfeelnaturaltoputourlifeonhold.Thatiswhenwegetcaughtupinthecodependentbeliefs:Thatpersoncanmakemehappy....Ineedthat
particularpersontodoaparticularthinginordertobehappy....

That'sacircumstancethatcanhookourlowselfesteem,ourselfdoubt,andourtendencytoneglectourselves.

Wecangetintothissituationinanumberofways.Wecandothiswaitingforaletter,waitingforajob,waitingforaperson,waitingforanevent.

Wedonothavetoputourlifeonhold.Therewillberepercussionsfromdoingthis.Goonwithyourlife.Takelifeadayatatime.

WhatissomethingIcouldbedoingnowtotakecareofmyself,makemyselffeelbetter,getmyneedsmetinanappropriate,healthyway?

HowcanIownmypowertotakecareofmyself,despitewhattheotherpersonisorisn'tdoing?

WhatwillhappenifIbreakthesystemandbegintakingcareofmyself?

Sometimes,wegettheanswerwewantimmediately.Sometimes,wewaitforawhile.Sometimes,thingsdon'tworkoutexactlythewaywehoped.Buttheyalways
workoutforgood,andoftenbetterthanweexpected.

Andinthemeantime,wehavemanifestedloveforourselvesbylivingourownlifeandtakingthecontrolawayfromothers.Thatalwayscomesbacktoustenfold,
becausewhenweactuallymanifestloveforourselves,wegiveourHigherPower,otherpeople,andtheUniversepermissiontosendusthelovewewantandneed.

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Stoppinglivingourlifetomakeathinghappendoesn'twork.Allitdoesismakeusmiserable,becausewehavestoppedlivingourlife.

Today,Iwillforcemyself,ifnecessary,tolivemyownlife.Iwillactinmyownbestinterest,inawaythatreflectsselflove.IfIhavegivenpoweror
controlofmylifetosomeoneotherthanmyself,andsomeonebesidesaPowergreaterthanmyself,Iwilltakeitback.Iwillbeginactinginmyownbest
interests,evenifitfeelsawkwardtodothat.

December3
DevelopingHealthyTolerance

Manyofusareskilledatdenyinganddiscountingwhathurtsus.Wemayendureaparticularsituation,tellingourselvesrepeatedlyit'snotthatbadweshouldn'tbeso
demandingit'llchangeanydayweshouldbeabletolivewithititdoesn'tannoyustheotherpersondidn'treallymeanititdoesn'thurtmaybeit'sjustus.

Wemayfightandarguewithourselvesabouttherealityandvalidityofourpainourrighttofeelitanddosomethingaboutit.

Oftenwewilltoleratetoomuchorsomuchthatwebecomefuriousandrefusetotolerateanymore.

Wecanlearntodevelophealthytolerance.

Wedothatbysettinghealthyboundariesandtrustingourselvestoownourpowerwithpeople.Wecanlessenourpainandsufferingbyvalidatingandpayingattention
toourselves.Wecanworkatshorteningthetimebetweenidentifyinganeedtosetaboundary,andtakingclear,directaction.

Wearen'tcrazy.Somebehaviorsreallydobugus.Somebehaviorsreallyareinappropriate,annoying,hurtful,orabusive.

Wedon'thavetofeelguiltyabouttakingcareofourselvesonceweidentifyaboundarythatneedstobeset.Lookat

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theexperienceasanexperimentinowningourpowerinestablishingnew,healthyboundariesandlimitsfoourselves.

Wedon'thavetofeelguiltyorapologizeorexplainourselvesafterwe'vesetaboundary.Wecanlearntoaccepttheawkwardnessanddiscomfortofsetting
boundarieswithpeople.Wecanestablishourrightstohavetheselimits.Wecangivetheotherpersonroomtohaveandexplorehisorherfeelingswecangive
ourselvesroomtohaveourfeelingsaswestruggletoownourpowerandcreategood,workingrelationships.

Oncewecantrustourabilitytotakecareofourselves,wewilldevelophealthyreasonabletoleranceofothers.

God,helpmebeginstrivingforhealthyboundariesandhealthytoleranceformyselfandothers.

December4
LettingGo

''Howmuchdoweneedtoletgoof?''afriendaskedoneday.

"I'mnotcertain,"Ireplied,"butmaybeeverything."

Lettinggoisaspiritual,emotional,mental,andphysicalprocess,asometimesmysteriousmetaphysicalprocessofreleasingtoGodandtheUniversethatwhichwe
areclingingtosotightly.

Weletgoofourgrasponpeople,outcomes,ideas,feelings,wants,needs,desireseverything.Weletgooftryingtocontrolourprogressinrecovery.Yes,it's
importanttoacknowledgeandacceptwhatwewantandwhatwewanttohappen.Butit'sequallyimportanttofollowthroughbylettinggo.

Lettinggoistheactionpartoffaith.ItisabehaviorthatgivesGodandtheUniversepermissiontosenduswhatwe'remeanttohave.

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Lettinggomeansweacknowledgethathangingonsotightlyisn'thelpingtosolvetheproblem,changetheperson,orgettheoutcomewedesire.Itisn'thelpingus.In
fact,welearnthathangingonoftenblocksusfromgettingwhatwewantandneed.

Whoarewetosaythatthingsaren'thappeningexactlyastheyneedtohappen?

Thereismagicinlettinggo.Sometimeswegetwhatwewantsoonafterweletgo.Sometimesittakeslonger.Sometimesthespecificoutcomewedesiredoesn't
happen.Somethingbetterdoes.

LettinggosetsusfreeandconnectsustoourSource.

Lettinggocreatestheoptimumenvironmentforthebestpossibleoutcomesandsolutions.

Today,Iwillrelax.Iwillletgoofthatwhichisupsettingmethemost.Iwilltrustthatbylettinggo,Ihavestartedthewheelsinmotionforthingstowork
outinthebestpossibleway.

December5
DifficultPeople

Fewthingscanmakeusfeelcrazierthanexpectingsomethingfromsomeonewhohasnothingtogive.Fewthingscanfrustrateusmorethantryingtomakeaperson
someoneheorsheisn'twefeelcrazywhenwetrytopretendthatpersonissomeoneheorsheisnot.Wemayhavespentyearsnegotiatingwithrealityconcerning
particularpeoplefromourpastandourpresent.Wemayhavespentyearstryingtogetsomeonetoloveusinacertainway,whenthatpersoncannotorwillnot.

Itistimetoletitgo.Itistimetolethimorhergo.Thatdoesn'tmeanwecan'tlovethatpersonanymore.Itmeansthatwewillfeeltheimmensereliefthatcomeswhen
westopdenyingrealityandbeginaccepting.Wereleasethatpersontobewhoheorsheactuallyis.Westoptryingtomakethat

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personbesomeoneheorsheisnot.Wedealwithourfeelingsandwalkawayfromthedestructivesystem.

Welearntoloveandcaredifferentlyinawaythattakesrealityintoaccount.

Weenterintoarelationshipwiththatpersononnewtermstakingourselvesandourneedsintoaccount.Ifapersonisaddictedtoalcohol,otherdrugs,misery,or
otherpeople,weletgoofhisorheraddictionwetakeourhandsoffit.Wegivehisorherlifeback.Andwe,intheprocess,aregivenourlifeandfreedominreturn.

Westoplettingwhatwearenotgettingfromthatpersoncontrolus.Wetakeresponsibilityforourlife.Wegoaheadwiththeprocessoflovingandtakingcareof
ourselves.

Wedecidehowwewanttointeractwiththatperson,takingrealityandourownbestinterestsintoaccount.Wegetangry,wefeelhurt,butwelandinaplaceof
forgiveness.Wesethimorherfree,andwebecomesetfreefrombondage.

Thisistheheartofdetachinginlove.

Today,Iwillworkatdetachinginlovefromtroublesomepeopleinmylife.Iwillstrivetoacceptrealityinmyrelationships.Iwillgivemyselfpermissionto
takecareofmyselfinmyrelationships,withemotional,physical,mental,andspiritualfreedomforbothpeopleasmygoal.

December6
LettingGoofShame

Manyofuswerevictimized,sometimesmorethanonce.Wemayhavebeenphysicallyabused,sexuallyabused,orexploitedbytheaddictionsofanother.

Understandthatifanotherpersonhasabusedus,itisnotcauseforustofeelshame.Theguiltfortheactofabusebelongstotheperpetrator,notthevictim.

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Evenifinrecoverywefallpreytobeingvictimized,thatisnotcauseforshame.

Thegoalofrecoveryislearningselfcare,learningtofreeourselvesfromvictimization,andnottoblameourselvesforpastexperiences.Thegoalistoarmourselvesso
wedonotcontinuetobevictimizedduetotheshameandunresolvedfeelingsfromtheoriginalvictimization.

Weeachhaveourownwork,ourissues,ourrecoverytasks.Oneofthosetasksistostoppointingourfingerattheperpetrator,becauseitdistractsus.Althoughwe
holdeachpersonresponsibleandaccountableforhisorherbehavior,welearncompassionfortheperpetrator.Weunderstandthatmanyforceshavecomeintoplay
inthatperson'slife.Atthesametime,wedonotholdontoshame.

Welearntounderstandtheroleweplayedinourvictimization,howwefellintothatroleanddidnotrescueourselves.Butthatisinformationtoarmussothatitneed
nothappenagain.

Letgoofvictimshame.Wehaveissuesandtasks,butourissueisnottofeelguiltyandwrongbecausewehavebeenvictimized.

Today,IwillsetmyselffreefromanyvictimshameImaybeharboringorhangingonto.

December7
WhentheTimeIsRight

Therearetimeswhenwesimplydonotknowwhattodo,orwheretogo,next.Sometimestheseperiodsarebrief,sometimeslingering.

Wecangetthroughthesetimes.Wecanrelyonourprogramandthedisciplinesofrecovery.Wecancopebyusingourfaith,otherpeople,andourresources.

Acceptuncertainty.Wedonotalwayshavetoknowwhattodoorwheretogonext.Wedonotalwayshaveclear

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direction.Refusingtoaccepttheinactionandlimbomakesthingsworse.

Itisokaytotemporarilybewithoutdirection.Say"Idon'tknow"andbecomfortablewiththat.Wedonothavetotrytoforcewisdom,knowledge,orclaritywhen
thereisnone.

Whilewaitingfordirection,wedonothavetoputourlifeonhold.Letgoofanxietyandenjoylife.Relax.Dosomethingfun.Enjoytheloveandbeautyinyourlife.
Accomplishsmalltasks.Theymayhavenothingtodowithsolvingtheproblem,orfindingdirection,butthisiswhatwecandointheinterim.

Claritywillcome.Thenextstepwillpresentitself.Indecision,inactivity,andlackofdirectionwillnotlastforever.

Today,IwillacceptmycircumstancesevenifIlackdirectionandinsight.Iwillremembertodothingsthatmakemyselfandothersfeelgoodduringthose
times.Iwilltrustthatclaritywillcomeofitsownaccord.

December8
ValuingOurNeeds

Whenwedon'taskforwhatwewantandneed,wediscountourselves.Wedeservebetter.

Maybeotherstaughtusitwasn'tpoliteorappropriatetospeakupforourselves.Thetruthis,ifwedon't,ourunmetwantsandneedsmayultimatelycomebackto
hauntourrelationships.Wemayendupfeelingangryorresentful,orwemaybegintopunishsomeoneelsefornotguessingwhatweneed.Wemayendthe
relationshipbecauseitdoesn'tmeetourneeds.

Intimacyandclosenessareonlypossibleinarelationshipwhenbothpeoplecansaywhattheywantandneed.Sustainedintimacydemandsthis.

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Sometimes,wemayevenhavetodemandwhatwewant.That'scalledsettingaboundary.Wedothisnottocontrolanotherperson,buttogaincontrolofourlife.

Ourattitudetowardourneedsisimportanttoo.Wemustvaluethemandtakethemseriouslyifweexpectotherstotakeusseriously.Whenwebegintoplacevalue
andimportanceonourneeds,we'llseearemarkablechange.Ourwantsandneedswillbegintogetmet.

Today,Iwillrespectthewantsandneedsofmyselfandothers.Iwilltellmyself,others,andmyHigherPowerwhatIwantandneed.Iwilllistentowhat
theywantandneedtoo.

December9
AskingforHelp

It'sokaytoaskforhelp.

Oneofthemostabsurdthingswedotoourselvesisnotaskingforthehelpweneedfromafriend,afamilymember,ourHigherPower,ortheappropriateresource.

Wedon'thavetostrugglethroughfeelingsandproblemsalone.WecanaskforhelpfromourHigherPowerandforsupportandencouragementfromourfriends.

Whetherwhatweneedisinformation,encouragement,ahand,aword,ahug,someonewhowilllisten,oraride,wecanask.Wecanaskpeopleforwhatweneed
fromthem.WecanaskGodforwhatweneedfromGod.

Itisselfdefeatingtonotaskforthehelpweneed.Itkeepsusstuck.Ifweasklongandhardenough,ifwedirectourrequesttotherightsource,we'llgetthehelpwe
need.

Thereisadifferencebetweenaskingsomeonetorescueusandaskingsomeoneinadirectmannerforthehelpweneedfromhimorher.Wecanbestraightforward
andletotherschoosewhethertohelpusornot.Iftheanswerisno,wecandealwiththat.

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Itisselfdefeatingtohint,whine,manipulate,orcoercehelpoutofpeople.Itisannoyingtogotopeopleasavictimandexpectthemtorescueus.Itishealthytoask
forhelpwhenhelpiswhatweneed.

"Myproblemisshame,"saidonewoman."Iwantedtoaskforhelpindealingwithit,butIwastooashamed.Isn'tthatcrazy?"

Wewhoareeagertohelpotherscanlearntoallowourselvestoreceivehelp.Wecanlearntomakecleancontractsaboutaskingforandreceivingthehelpwewant
andneed.

Today,IwillaskforhelpifIneeditfrompeopleandmyHigherPower.Iwillnotbeavictim,helplesslywaitingtoberescued.Iwillmakemyrequestfor
helpspecific,tothepoint,andIwillleaveroomforthepersontochoosewhetherornottohelpme.Iwillnotbeamartyranylongerbyrefusingtogetthe
helpIdeserveinlifethehelpthatmakeslifesimpler.God,helpmeletgoofmyneedtodoeverythingalone.HelpmeusethevastUniverseorresources
availabletome.

December10
Empowerment

Youcanthink.Youcanmakegooddecisions.Youcanmakechoicesthatarerightforyou.

Yes,weallmakemistakesfromtimetotime.Butwearenotmistakes.

Wecanmakeanewdecisionthattakesnewinformationintoaccount.

Wecanchangeourmindfromtimetotime.That'sourrighttoo.

Wedon'thavetobeintellectualstomakegoodchoices.Inrecovery,wehaveagiftandagoalavailabletoeachofus.Thegiftiscalledwisdom.

Otherpeoplecanthinktoo.Andthatmeanswenolongerhavetofeelresponsibleforotherpeople'sdecisions.

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Thatalsomeansweareresponsibleforourchoices.

Wecanreachouttoothersforfeedback.Wecanaskforinformation.Wecantakeopinionsintoaccount.Butitisourtasktomakeourowndecisions.Itisour
pleasureandrighttohaveourownopinions.

Weareeachfreetoembraceandenjoythetreasureofourownmind,intellect,andwisdom.

Today,Iwilltreasurethegiftofmymind.Iwilldomyownthinkingmakemyownchoices,andvaluemyopinions.Iwillbeopentowhatothersthink,butI
willtakeresponsibilityformyself.IwillaskforandtrustthatIambeingguidedbyDivineWisdom.

December11
Affirmations

Oneofourchoicesinrecoveryischoosingwhatwewanttothinkusingourmentalenergypositively.

Positivementalenergy,positivethinking,doesnotmeanwethinkunrealisticallyorreverttodenial.Ifwedon'tlikesomething,werespectourownopinion.Ifwespot
aproblem,we'rehonestaboutit.Ifsomethingisn'tworkingout,weacceptreality.Butwedon'tdwellonthenegativepartsofourexperience.

Whateverwegiveenergyto,weempower.

Thereismagicinempoweringthegood,becausewhateverweempowergrowsbigger.Onewaytoempowerthegoodisthroughaffirmations:simplepositive
statementswemaketoourselves:Ilovemyself...I'mgoodenough....Mylifeisgood....I'mgladI'malivetoday....WhatIwantandneediscomingto
me....Ican....

Ourchoiceinrecoveryisnotwhethertouseaffirmations.We'vebeenaffirmingthoughtsandbeliefssincewewereoldenoughtospeak.Thechoiceinrecoveryis
whatwewanttoaffirm.

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Today,Iwillempowerthegoodinmyself,others,andlife.I'mwillingtorelease,orletgoof,negativethoughtpatternsandreplacethemwithpositive
ones.IwillchoosewhatIwanttoaffirm,andIwillmakeitgood.

December12
God'sWill

Eachday,askGodwhatGodwantsustodotodaythenaskGodtohelp.Asimplerequest,butsoprofoundandfarreachingitcantakeusanywhereweneedtogo.

Listen:allthatwewant,allthatweneed,alltheanswers,allthehelp,allthegood,allthelove,allthehealing,allthewisdom,allthefulfillmentofdesireisembodiedin
thissimplerequest.WeneedsaynomorethanThankYou.

ThisPlanthathasbeenmadeforusisnotoneofdeprivation.Itisoneoffullness,joy,andabundance.Walkintoit.

Seeforyourself.

Today,IwillaskGodtoshowmewhatGodwantsmetodoforthisday,andthenaskforhelptodothat.Iwilltrustthatissufficienttotakemeintolight
andjoy.

December13
Giving

Don'tbeafraidofgiving.

Forawhile,wemayneedtobackofffromgivingaswelearntodiscernthedifferencebetweenhealthygivingandcaretaking,whichleavesusfeelingvictimizedand
othersfeelingresentful.

Thisisatemporaryspot.

Tobehealthy,todoourpartinthisspiritualwayoflife,tobepartoftheendlesscycleoftheUniverse,guidedbyourCreator,weneedtogiveandreceive.

Bothpartsareimportant.

Whatishealthygiving?

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Thisisafinelinedbehavioreachofusmustseektounderstandforourselves.Itisgivingthatfeelsgoodanddoesnotleaveusfeelingvictimized.

Itisgivingthatholdsthegiverandthereceiverinhighesteem.

Itisgivingbasedonadesiretodoitratherthanfromasenseofguilt,pity,shame,orobligation.

Itisgivingwithnostringsattached.Oritisgivingbasedonaclean,directcontract.

Whetheritisgivingofourtime,efforts,energy,comfort,

nurturing,money,orourselves,itisgivingthatwecan

afford.

Givingispartofthechainofgivingandreceiving.Wecanlearntogiveinhealthywayswecanlearntogiveinlove.Weneedtokeepaneyeonourgiving,tomake
sureithasnotcrossedthelineintocaretaking.Butweneedtolearntogiveinwaysthatworkforusandothers.

Today,God,guidemeinmygiving.Helpmegivetoothersinhealthyways.Helpmegivewhatfeelsright,whatfeelsgood,whatfeelsclean,andwhatI
canafford.

December14
ClearThinking

Striveforclearthinking.Manyofushavehadourthinkingcloudedbydenial.Someofushaveevenlostfaithinourselvesbecausewe'vespentadegreeoftimein
denial.Butlosingfaithinourthinkingisn'tgoingtohelpus.Whatweneedtolosefaithinisdenial.

Wedidn'tresorttodenialeitherofsomeoneelse'sproblemorourownbecauseweweredeficient.Denial,theshockabsorberforthesoul,protectsusuntilwe
areequippedtocopewithreality.

Clearthinkingandrecoverydon'tmeanwewillneverresorttodenial.Denialisthefirststeptowardacceptance,

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andformostofourlife,wewillbestrivingtoacceptsomething.

Clearthinkingmeanswedon'tallowourselvestobecomeimmersedinnegativityorunrealisticexpectations.Westayconnectedtootherrecoveringpeople.Wegoto
ourmeetings,wherepeaceofmindandrealisticsupportareavailable.WeworktheSteps,pray,andmeditate.

WekeepourthinkingontrackbyaskingourHigherPowertohelpusthinkclearlynotbyexpectingHim,orsomeoneelse,todoourthinkingforus.

Today,Iwillstriveforbalanced,clearthoughtinallareasofmylife.

December15
Feelings

It'sokaytohaveandfeelourfeelingsallofthem.

Yearsintorecovery,wemaystillbebattlingwithourselvesaboutthisissue.Ofalltheprohibitionswe'velivedwith,thisoneispotentiallythemostdamagingandthe
mostlonglived.

Manyofusneededtoshutdowntheemotionalpartofourselvestosurvivecertainsituations.Weshutdownthepartofusthatfeelsanger,sadness,fear,joy,and
love.Wemayhaveturnedoffoursexualorsensualfeelingstoo.Manyofuslivedinsystemswithpeoplewhorefusedtotolerateouremotions.Wewereshamedor
reprimandedforexpressingfeelings,usuallybypeoplewhoweretaughttorepresstheirown.

Buttimeshavechanged.Itisokaynowforustoacknowledgeandacceptouremotions.Wedon'tneedtoallowouremotionstocontrolusneitherdoweneedto
rigidlyrepressourfeelings.Ouremotionalcenterisavaluablepartofus.It'sconnectedtoourphysicalwellbeing,ourthinking,andourspirituality.

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Ourfeelingsarealsoconnectedtothatgreatgift,instinct.Theyenableustogiveandreceivelove.

Weareneitherweaknordeficientforindulginginourfeelings.Itmeanswe'rebecominghealthyandwhole.

Today,Iwillallowmyselftorecognizeandacceptwhateverfeelingspassthroughme.Withoutshame,Iwilltuneintotheemotionalpartofmyself.

December16
TakingCareOfOurselvesEmotionally

Whatdoesitmeantotakecareofmyselfemotionally?IrecognizewhenI'mfeelingangry,andIacceptthatfeelingwithoutshameorblame.

IrecognizewhenI'mfeelinghurt,andIacceptthosefeelingswithoutattemptingtopunishthesourceofmypain.Irecognizeandfeelfearwhenthatemotionpresents
itself.

Iallowmyselftofeelhappiness,joy,andlovewhenthoseemotionsareavailable.TakingcareofmyselfmeansI'vemadeadecisionthatit'sokaytofeel.

TakingcareofmyemotionsmeansIallowmyselftostaywiththefeelinguntilit'stimetoreleaseitandgoontothenextone.

Irecognizethatsometimesmyfeelingscanhelppointmetowardreality,butsometimesmyfeelingsaredeceptive.Theyareimportant,butIdonothavetoletthem
controlme.Icanfeel,andthinktoo.

Italktopeopleaboutmyfeelingswhenthat'sappropriateandsafe.

IreachoutforhelporguidanceifIgetstuckinaparticularemotion.

I'mopentothelessonsmyemotionsmaybetryingtoteachme.AfterIfeel,accept,andreleasethefeeling,IaskmyselfwhatitisIwantorneedtodototakecareof
myself.

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TakingcareofmyselfemotionallymeansIvalue,treasure,explore,andcherishtheemotionalpartofmyself.

Today,Iwilltakecareofmyselfemotionally.Iwillbeopento,andacceptingof,theemotionalpartofmyselfandotherpeople.Iwillstriveforbalanceby
combiningemotionswithreason,butIwillnotallowintellecttopushtheemotionalpartofmyselfaway.

December17
NurturingOurselves

Manyofushavebeensodeprivedofnurturingthatwethinkit'ssillyorselfindulgent.Nurturingisneithersillynorselfindulgentit'showweshowloveforourselves.
That'swhatwe'restrivingforinrecoveryalovingrelationshipwithourselvesthatworks,sowecanhavelovingrelationshipswithothersthatwork.

Whenwehurt,weaskourselveswhatweneedtohelpusfeelbetter.Whenwefeelalone,wereachouttosomeonesafe.Withoutfeelingthatweareaburden,we
allowthatpersontobethereforus.

Werestwhenwe'retiredeatwhenwe'rehungryhavefunorrelaxwhenourspiritsneedalift.Nurturingmeansgivingourselvesgiftsatriptothebeautysalonor
barbershop,amassage,abook,anewjacket,oranewsuitordress.Itmeansalong,hotbathtoforgetaboutourproblemsandtheworldforafewmomentswhen
thatwouldfeelgood.

Welearntobegentlewithourselvesandtoopenuptothenurturingthatothershavetoofferus.

Aspartofnurturingourselves,weallowourselvestogiveandreceivepositivetouchtouchthatfeelsappropriatetous,touchthatissafe.Werejecttouchthat
doesn'tfeelgoodorsafeandisnotpositive.

Welearntogiveourselveswhatweneedinagentle,loving,compassionateway.Wedothiswiththeunderstandingitwillnotmakeuslazy,spoiled,selfcentered,

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ornarcissistic.Nurturedpeopleareeffectiveintheirworkandintheirrelationships.

Wewilllearntofeellovedbyourselvessomuchthatwecantrulyloveothersandletthemloveus.

Today,Iwillnurturemyself.IwillalsobeopentothenurturingthatIcangivetoothersandreceivefromthem.

December18
StayingOpentoOurFeelings

Manyofushavegottensogoodatfollowingthe''don'tfeel''rulethatwecantrytotalkourselvesoutofhavingfeelings,eveninrecovery.

"IfIwasreallyworkingagoodprogram,Iwouldn'tfeelangry."

"Idon'tgetangry.I'maChristian.Iforgiveandforget."

"I'mnotangry.I'maffirmingthatI'mhappy"

Theseareallstatements,someofthemquiteclever,thatindicatewe'reoperatingunderthe"don'tfeel"ruleagain.

Partofworkingagoodprogrammeansacknowledginganddealingwithourfeelings.Westrivetoacceptanddealwithourangersoitdoesn'thardeninto
resentments.Wedon'tuserecoveryasanexcusetoshutdownouremotions.

Yes,wearestrivingforforgiveness,butwestillwanttofeel,listento,andstaywithourfeelingsuntilitistimetoreleasethemappropriately.OurHigherPower
createdtheemotionalpartofourselves.Godisnottellingustonotfeelit'sourdysfunctionalsystems.

Wealsoneedtobecarefulhowweuseaffirmationsdiscountingouremotionswon'tmakefeelingsgoaway.Ifwe'reangry,it'sokaytohavethatfeeling.That'spartof
howwegetandstayhealthy.

Today,Iwillrefusetoacceptshamefromothersormyselfforfeelingmyfeelings.

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December19
WorkRoles

Howeasyitistodiveintorolesatwork.Howeasyitistoplaceotherpeopleinroles.Sometimes,thisisnecessary,appropriate,andexpedient.

Butwecanalsoletourselfshinethroughourrole.

Thereisjoyingivingourgiftofskillatwork,atgivingourselvestothetaskathandsothoroughlythatweexperienceanintimaterelationshipwithourwork.Thereis
joywhenwecreateoraccomplishataskandcansay,"Welldone!"

Thereisalsojoywhenweareourselfatwork,andwhenwediscoverandappreciatethosearoundus.

Themostunpleasant,mundanetaskcanbebreezedthroughwhenwestopthinkingofourselvesasarobotandallowourselvestobeaperson.

Thosearounduswillrespondwarmlywhenwetreatthemasindividualsandnotjobdefinedroles.

Thisdoesnotmeanweneedtobecomeinappropriatelyentangledwithothers.Itmeansthat,whetherweareanemployeroranemployee,whenpeopleareallowed
tobepeoplewhoperformtasksinsteadoftaskperformers,wearehappierandmorecontentpeople.

Today,Iwillletmyselfshinethroughmytaskatwork.Iwilltrytoseeothersandletthemshinethroughtooinsteadoflookingonlyattheirtasks.God,
helpmebeopentothebeautyofmyselfandothersatwork.Helpmemaintainhealthyrelationshipswithpeopleatwork.

December20
ExpectationsofOthers

Itisourjobtoidentifyourneeds,andthendetermineabalancedwayofgettingthoseneedsmet.WeultimatelyexpectourHigherPowerandtheUniversenotone
particularpersontobeoursource.

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Itisunreasonabletoexpectanyonetobeableorwillingtomeetoureveryrequest.Weareresponsibleforaskingforwhatwewantandneed.It'stheotherperson's
responsibilitytofreelychoosewhetherornottorespondtoourrequest.Ifwetrytocoerceorforceanothertobethereforus,that'scontrolling.

There'sadifferencebetweenaskinganddemanding.Wewantlovethatisfreelygiven.

Itisunreasonableandunhealthytoexpectonepersontobethesourceformeetingallourneeds.Ultimately,wewillbecomeangryandresentful,maybeeven
punishing,towardthatpersonfornotsupportingusasweexpected.

Itisreasonabletohavecertainandwelldefinedexpectationsofourspouse,children,andfriends.

Ifapersoncannotorwillnotbethereforus,thenweneedtotakeresponsibilityforourselvesinthatrelationship.Wemayneedtosetaboundary,alterour
expectations,orchangethelimitsoftherelationshiptoaccommodatethatperson'sunavailability.Wedothisforourselves.

Itisreasonabletosprinkleourwantsandneedsaroundandtoberealisticabouthowmuchweaskorexpectofanyparticularperson.Wecantrustourselvesto
knowwhat'sreasonable.

Theissueofexpectationsgoesbacktoknowingthatweareresponsibleforidentifyingourneeds,believingtheydeservetogetmet,anddiscoveranappropriate,
satisfactorywaytodothatinourlife.

Today,Iwillstriveforreasonableexpectationsaboutgettingmyneedsmetinrelationships.

December21
Balance

Striveforbalancedexpectationsofothers.Striveforhealthytolerance.

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Inthepast,wemayhavetoleratedtoomuchortoolittle.Wemayhaveexpectedtoomuchortoolittle.

Wemayswingfromtoleratingabuse,mistreatment,anddeceptiontorefusingtotoleratenormal,human,imperfectbehaviorsfrompeople.Althoughit'spreferablenot
toremainineitherextremetoolong,thatishowpeoplechangerealpeoplewhostruggleimperfectlytowardbetterlives,improvedrelationships,andmoreeffective
relationshipbehaviors.

Butifweareopentoourselvesandtotherecoveryprocess,wewill,atsometime,beginanothertransition:itbecomestimetomoveawayfromextremes,toward
balance.

Wecantrustourselvesandtherecoveryprocesstobringustoabalancedplaceoftolerance,giving,understanding,andexpectationsofourselvesandothers.

Wecaneachfindourownpathtobalanceaswebeginandcontinuerecovery.

Today,Iwillpracticeacceptancewithmyselfandothersforthewaywechange.IfIhavehadtoswingtotheotherextremeofabehavior,Iwillaccept
thatasappropriate,foratime.ButIwillmakemygoaloneofbalancedtoleranceandexpectationsofmyselfandothers.

December22
GoodThingsComing

Donotworryabouthowthegoodthathasbeenplannedforyouwillcome.

Itwillcome.

Donotworry,obsess,thinkyouhavetocontrolit,goouthuntingforit,ortangleyourmindtryingtofigureouthowandwhenitwillfindyou.

Itwillfindyou.

SurrendertoyourHigherPowereachday.TrustyourHigherPower.Then,staypeaceful.Trustandlistentoyourself.Thatishowthegoodyouwantwillcometo
you.

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Yourhealing.Yourjoy.Yourrelationships.Yoursolutions.Thatjob.Thatdesiredchange.Thatopportunity.Itwillcometoyounaturally,withease,andinahostof
ways.

Thatanswerwillcome.Thedirectionwillcome.Themoney.Theidea.Theenergy.Thecreativity.Thepathwillopenitselftoyou.Trustthat,forithasalreadybeen
planned.

Itisfutile,awasteanddrainofenergy,toworryabouthowitwillcome.Itisalreadythere.Youhaveitalready.Itisinplace.Youjustcannotseeit!

Youwillbebroughttoit,oritwillbebroughttoyou.

Today,IwillrelaxandtrustthatthegoodIneedwillfindme.Eitherthroughmyleadings,ortheleadingsofothers,allIwantandneedwillcometome
whenthetimeisright.

December23
HolidayTriggers
Oneyear,whenIwasachild,myfathergotdrunkandviolentatChristmas.Ihadjustunwrappedapresent,abottleofhandlotion,whenheexplodedinanalcoholicrage.Our
Christmaswasdisrupted.Itwasterrible.Itwasfrighteningforthewholefamily.Now,thirtyfiveyearslater,wheneverIsmellhandlotion,IimmediatelyfeelallthefeelingsIdidthat
Christmas:thefear,thedisappointment,theheartache,thehelplessness,andaninstinctivedesiretocontrol.
Anonymous

TherearemanypositivetriggersthatremindusofChristmas:snow,decorations,"SilentNight,""JingleBells,"wrappedpackages,anativityscene,stockingshungona
fireplace.These''triggers''canevokeinusthewarm,nostalgicfeelingsoftheChristmascelebration.

Thereareotherkindsoftriggers,though,thatmaybelessapparentandevokedifferentfeelingsandmemories.

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Ourmindislikeapowerfulcomputer.Itlinkssight,sound,smell,touch,andtastewithfeelings,thoughts,andmemories.Itlinksoursensesandweremember.

Sometimesthesmallest,mostinnocuousincidentcantriggermemories.Notallourmemoriesarepleasant,especiallyifwegrewupinanalcoholic,dysfunctional
setting.

Wemaynotunderstandwhywesuddenlyfeelafraid,depressed,anxious.Wemaynotunderstandwhathastriggeredourcodependentcopingbehaviorsthelow
selfworth,theneedtocontrol,theneedtoneglectourselves.Whenthathappens,weneedtounderstandthatsomeinnocuouseventmaybetriggeringmemories
recordeddeepwithinus.

Ifsomething,evensomethingwedon'tunderstand,triggerspainfulmemories,wecanpullourselvesbackintothepresentbyselfcare:acknowledgingourfeelings,
detaching,workingtheSteps,andaffirmingourselves.Wecantakeactiontofeelgood.WecanhelpourselvesfeelbettereachChristmas.Nomatterwhatthepast
held,wecanputitinperspective,andcreateamorepleasantholidaytoday.

Today,Iwillgentlyworkthroughmymemoriesofthisholidayseason.Iwillacceptmyfeelings,evenifIconsiderthemdifferentthanwhatothersare
feelingthisholiday.God,helpmeletgo,healfrom,andreleasethepainfulmemoriessurroundingtheholidays.Helpmefinishmybusinessfromthepast,
soIcancreatetheholidayofmychoice.

December24
GettingThroughtheHolidays

Forsome,thesights,signs,andsmellsoftheholidaysbringjoyandawarmfeeling.But,whileothersarejoyouslydivingintotheseason,someofusaredippinginto
conflict,guilt,andasenseofloss.

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Wereadarticlesonhowtoenjoytheholidays,wereadabouttheChristmasblues,butmanyofusstillcan'tfigureouthowtogetthroughtheholidayseason.Wemay
notknowwhatajoyousholidaywouldlookandfeellike.

Manyofusaretornbetweenwhatwewanttodoontheholiday,andwhatwefeelwehavetodo.Wemayfeelguiltybecausewedon'twanttobewithourfamilies.
Wemayfeelasenseoflossbecausewedon'thavethekindoffamilytobewiththatwewant.Manyofus,yearafteryear,walkintothesamediningroomonthe
sameholiday,expectingthisyeartobedifferent.Thenweleave,yearafteryear,feelingletdown,disappointed,andconfusedbyitall.

Manyofushaveold,painfulmemoriestriggeredbytheholidays.

Manyofusfeelagreatdealofreliefwhentheholidayisended.

Oneofthegreatestgiftsofrecoveryislearningthatwearenotalone.Thereareprobablyasmanyofusinconflictduringtheholidaysthantherearethosewhofeelat
peace.We'relearning,throughtrialanderror,howtotakecareofourselvesalittlebettereachholidayseason.

Ourfirstrecoverytaskduringtheholidaysistoacceptourselves,oursituation,andourfeelingsaboutoursituation.Weacceptourguilt,anger,andsenseofloss.It's
allokay.

Thereisnorightorperfectwaytohandletheholidays.Ourstrengthcanbefoundindoingthebestwecan,oneyearatatime.

Thisholidayseason,Iwillgivemyselfpermissiontotakecareofmyself.

December25
TheHolidays

Sometimes,theholidaysarefilledwiththejoyweassociatewiththattimeofyear.Theseasonflows.Magicisintheair.

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Sometimes,theholidayscanbedifficultandlonely.

HerearesomeideasI'velearnedthroughpersonalexperience,andpractice,tohelpusgetthroughdifficultholidays:

Dealwithfeelings,buttrynottodwellundulyonthem.Puttheholidaysinperspective:Aholidayisonedayoutof365.Wecangetthroughany24hourperiod.

Getthroughtheday,butbeawarethattheremaybeapostholidaybacklash.Sometimes,ifweuseoursurvivalbehaviorstogetthroughtheday,thefeelingswillcatch
uptousthenextday.Dealwiththemtoo.Getbackontrackasquicklyaspossible.

Findandcherishthelovethat'savailable,evenifit'snotexactlywhatwewant.Istheresomeonewecangivelovetoandreceivelovefrom?Recoveringfriends?Is
thereafamilywhowouldenjoysharingtheirholidaywithus?Don'tbeamartyrgo.Theremaybethosewhowouldappreciateouroffertoshareourdaywiththem.

Wearenotintheminorityifwefindourselvesexperiencingalessthanidealholiday.Howeasy,butuntrue,totellourselvestherestoftheworldisexperiencingthe
perfectholiday,andwe'realoneinconflict.

Wecancreateourownholidayagenda.Buyyourselfapresent.Findsomeonetowhomyoucangive.Unleashyourloving,nurturingselfandgiveintotheholiday
spirit.

Maybepastholidayshaven'tbeenterrific.Maybethisyearwasn'tterrific.Butnextyearcanbebetter,andthenextalittlebetter.Worktowardabetterlifeonethat
meetsyourneeds.Beforelong,you'llhaveit.

God,helpmeenjoyandcherishthisholiday.Ifmysituationislessthanideal,helpmetakewhat'sgoodandletgooftherest.

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December26
Growth

Justaswhenwewerechildrenandgrewoutoffavoritetoysandclothes,wesometimesgrowoutofthingsasadultspeople,jobs,homes.Thiscanbeconfusing.We
maywonderwhysomeoneorsomethingthatwassospecialandimportanttouslastyeardoesn'tfitthesamewayinourlifetoday.Wemaywonderwhyourfeelings
havechanged.

Whenwewerechildren,wemayhavetriedtofitintoanoutgrownarticleofclothingontoourbody.Now,asadults,wemaygothroughatimeoftryingtoforcefit
attitudesthatwehaveoutgrown.Wemayneedtodothistogiveourselvestimetorealizethetruth.Whatworkedlastyear,whatwassoimportantandspecialtousin
timespast,doesn'tworkanymorebecausewe'vechanged.We'vegrown.

Wecanacceptthisasavalidandimportantpartofrecovery.Wecanletourselvesgothroughexperimentationandgriefaswestruggletomakesomethingfit,tryingto
figureoutifindeeditnolongerfits,andwhy.Wecanexploreourfeelingsandthoughtsaroundwhathashappened.

Then,wecanputlastyear'stoysawayandmakeroomforthenew.

Today,Iwillletlastyear'stoysbewhattheywere:lastyear'stoys.Iwillrememberthemwithfondnessfortheparttheyplayedinmylife.Then,Iwillput
themawayandmakeroomforthenew.

December27
NeartheTop

Iknowyou'retired.Iknowyoufeeloverwhelmed.Youmayfeelasthoughthiscrisis,thisproblem,thishardtimewilllastforever.

Itwon't.Youarealmostthrough.

Youdon'tjustthinkithasbeenhardithasbeenhard.You

 Page373

havebeentested,tried,andretestedonwhatyouhavelearned.

Yourbeliefsandyourfaithhavebeentriedinfire.Youhavebelieved,thendoubted,thenworkedatbelievingsomemore.Youhavehadtohavefaithevenwhenyou
couldnotseeorimaginewhatyouwereaskedtobelieve.Othersaroundyoumayhavetriedtoconvinceyounottobelieveinwhatyouwerehopingyoucould
believe.

Youhavehadopposition.Youhavenotgottentothisplacewithtotalsupportandjoy.Youhavehadtoworkhard,inspiteofwhatwashappeningaroundyou.
Sometimes,whatmotivatedyouwasangersometimesfear.

Thingswentwrongmoreproblemsoccurredthanyouanticipated.Therewereobstacles,frustrations,andannoyancesenroute.Youdidnotplanonthisbeingthe
wayitwouldevolve.Muchofthishasbeenasurprisesomeofithasnotbeenatallwhatyoudesired.

Yet,ithasbeengood.Partofyou,thedeepestpartthatknowstruth,hassensedthisallalong,evenwhenyourheadtoldyouthatthingswereoutofwhackandcrazy,
thattherewasnoplanorpurpose,thatGodhadforgottenyou.

Somuchhashappened,andeachincidentthemostpainful,themosttroubling,themostsurprisinghasaconnection.Youarebeginningtoseeandsensethat.

Youneverdreamtthingswouldhappenthisway,didyou?Buttheydid.Nowyouarelearningthesecrettheyweremeanttohappenthisway,andthiswayisgood,
betterthanwhatyouexpected.

Youdidn'tbelieveitwouldtakethislong,eitherdidyou?Butitdid.Youhavelearnedpatience.

Youneverthoughtyoucouldhaveit,butnowyouknowyoudo.

Youhavebeenled.Manywerethemomentswhenyouthoughtyouwereforgotten,whenyouwereconvincedyouhadbeenabandoned.Nowyouknowyouhave
beenguided.

 Page374

Nowthingsarecomingintoplace.Youarealmostattheendofthisphase,thisdifficultportionofthejourney.Thelessonisalmostcomplete.Youknowthelesson
youfought,resisted,andinsistedyoucouldnotlearn.Yes,thatone.Youhavealmostmasteredit.

Youhavebeenchangedfromtheinsideout.Youhavebeenmovedtoadifferentlevel,ahigherlevel,abetterlevel.

Youhavebeenclimbingamountain.Ithasnotbeeneasy,butmountainclimbingisnevereasy.Now,youarenearthetop.Amomentlonger,andthevictoryshallbe
yours.

Steadyyourshoulders.Breathedeeply.Moveforwardinconfidenceandpeace.Thetimeiscomingtorelishandenjoyallwhichyouhavefoughtfor.Thattimeis
drawingnear,finally.

Iknowyouhavethoughtbeforethatthetimewasdrawingnear,onlytolearnthatitwasn't.Butnow,therewardiscoming.Youknowthattoo.Youcanfeelit.

Yourstrugglehasnotbeeninvain.Foreverystruggleonthisjourney,thereisaclimax,aresolution.

Peace,joy,abundantblessings,andrewardareyourshereonearth.Enjoy.

Therewillbemoremountains,butnowyouknowhowtoclimbthem.Andyouhavelearnedthesecretofwhatisatthetop.

Today,IwillacceptwhereIamandcontinuepushingforward.IfIaminthemidstofalearningexperience,Iwillallowmyselftocontinueonwiththefaith
thatthedayofmasteryandrewardwillcome.Helpme,God,understandthatdespitemybesteffortstoliveinpeacefulserenity,therearetimesof
mountainclimbing.Helpmestopcreatingchaosandcrisis,andhelpmemeetthechallengesthatwillmovemeupwardandforward.

 Page375

December28
Panic

Don'tpanic!

Ifpanicstrikes,wedonothavetoallowittocontrolourbehaviors.Behaviorscontrolledbypanictendtobeselfdefeating.Nomatterwhatthesituationor
circumstance,panicisusuallynotagoodfoundation.Nomatterwhatthesituationorcircumstance,weusuallyhaveatleastamomenttobreathedeeplyandrestore
ourserenityandpeace.

Wedon'thavetodomorethanwecanreasonablydoever!Wedon'thavetodosomethingweabsolutelycannotdoorcannotlearntodo!

Thisprogram,thishealthywayoflifeweareseeking,isbuiltonafoundationofpeaceandquietconfidenceinourselves,inourHigherPower,intherecovery
process.

Donotpanic.Thattakesusawayfromthepath.Relax.Breathedeeply.Letpeaceflowthroughourbodyandmind.Fromthisbase,ourSourceshallsupplythe
necessaryresources.

Today,Iwilltreatpanicasaseparateissuethatneedsimmediateattention.Iwillrefusetoallowpanickythoughtsandfeelingstomotivateme.Instead,I
willletpeaceandtrustmotivatemyfeelings,thoughts,andbehaviors.

December29
MovingOn
Learntheartofacceptance.It'salotofgrief.
CodependentNoMore

Sometimes,aspartoftakingcareofourselves,itbecomestimetoendcertainrelationships.Sometimes,itcomestimetochangetheparametersofaparticular
relationship.

Thisistrueinlove,infriendships,withfamily,andonthejob.

 Page376

Endingsandchangesinrelationshipsarenoteasy.Butoften,theyarenecessary.

Sometimes,welingerinrelationshipsthataredead,outoffearofbeingaloneortopostponetheinevitablegrievingprocessthataccompaniesendings.Sometimes,we
needtolingerforawhile,toprepareourselves,togetstrongandreadyenoughtohandlethechange.

Ifthatiswhatwearedoing,wecanbegentlewithourselves.Itisbettertowaituntilthatmomentwhenitfeelssolid,clear,andconsistenttoact.

Wewillknow.Wewillknow.Wecantrustourselves.

Knowingthatarelationshipischangingorisabouttoendisadifficultplacetobein,especiallywhenitisnotyettimetoactbutweknowthetimeisdrawingnear.It
canbeawkwardanduncomfortable,asthelessondrawstoaclose.Wemaybecomeimpatienttoputclosureonit,butnotyetfeelempoweredtodothat.That's
okay.Thetimeisnotyetright.Somethingimportantisstillhappening.Whenthetimeisright,wecantrustthatitwillhappen.Wewillreceivethepowerandtheability
todowhatweneedtodo.

Endingrelationshipsorchangingtheboundariesofaparticularrelationshipisnoteasy.Itrequirescourageandfaith.Itrequiresawillingnessonourparttotakecareof
ourselvesand,sometimes,tostandaloneforawhile.

Letgooffear.Understandthatchangeisanimportantpartofrecovery.Loveyourselfenoughtodowhatyouneedtodototakecareofyourself,andfindenough
confidencetobelievethatyouwillloveagain.

Weareneverstartingover.Inrecovery,wearemovingforwardinaperfectlyplannedprogressionoflessons.Wewillfindourselveswithcertainpeopleinlove,
family,friendships,andworkwhenweneedtobewiththem.Whenthelessonhasbeenmastered,wewillmoveon.Wewillfindourselvesinanewplace,learning
newlessons,withnewpeople.

 Page377

No,thelessonsarenotallpainful.Wewillarriveatthatplacewherewecanlearn,notfrompain,butfromjoyandlove.

Ourneedswillgetmet.

Today,IwillacceptwhereIaminmyrelationships,evenifthatplaceisawkwardanduncomfortable.IfIaminthemidstofendings,Iwillfaceandaccept
mygrief.God,helpmetrustthatthepathIamonhasbeenperfectlyandlovinglyplannedforme.Helpmebelievethatmyrelationshipsareteachingme
importantlessons.Helpmeacceptandbegratefulformiddles,endings,andnewbeginnings.

December30
LayingtheFoundation

Thegroundworkhasbeenlaid.

Doyounotseethat?

Don'tyouunderstandthatallyouhavegonethroughwasforapurpose?

Therewasareason,agoodreason,forthewaiting,thestruggle,thepain,andfinallytherelease.

Youhavebeenprepared.Thesamewayabuildermustfirstteardownanddigouttheoldtomakewayforthenew,yourHigherPowerhasbeencleaningoutthe
foundationinyourlife.

Haveyoueverwatchedabuilderatconstruction?Whenhebeginshiswork,itlooksworsethanbeforehebegan.Whatisoldanddecayedmustberemoved.Whatis
insufficientortooweaktosupportthenewstructuremustberemoved,replaced,orreinforced.Nobuilderwhocaresabouthisorherworkwouldputanewsurface
overaninsufficientsupportsystem.Thefoundationwouldgiveway.Itwouldnotlast.

Ifthefinishedproductistobewhatisdesired,theworkmustbedonethoroughlyfromthebottomup.Astheworkprogressesitoftenappearstobeanupheaval.
Often,itdoes

 Page378

notseemtomakesense.Itmayappeartobewastedtimeandeffort,becausewecannotseethefinalproductyet.

Butitissoimportantthatthefoundationbelaidproperlyifthefunwork,thefinishingtouches,istobeallthatwewantittobe.

Thislong,hardtimeinyourlifehasbeenforlayingofgroundwork.Itwasnotwithoutpurpose,althoughattimesthepurposemaynothavebeenevidentorapparent.

Now,thefoundationhasbeenlaid.Thestructureissolid.

Now,itistimeforthefinishingtouches,thecompletion.

Itistimetomovethefurnitureinandenjoythefruitsofthelabor.

Congratulations.Youhavehadthepatiencetoendurethehardparts.Youhavetrusted,surrendered,andallowedyourHigherPowerandtheUniversetohealand
prepareyou.

Now,youshallenjoythegoodthathasbeenplanned.

Now,youshallseethepurpose.

Now,itshallallcometogetherandmakesense.

Enjoy.

Today,Iwillsurrendertothelayingofthefoundationthegroundworkinmylife.Ifitistimetoenjoytheplacementofthefinishingtouches,Iwill
surrendertothat,andenjoythattoo.IwillremembertobegratefulforaHigherPowerthatisaMasterBuilderandonlyhasmybestinterestsinmind,
creatingandconstructingmylife.IwillbegratefulformyHigherPower'scareandattentiontodetailsinlayingthefoundationeventhoughIbecome
impatientattimes.IwillstandinaweatthebeautyofGod'sfinishedproduct.

 Page379

December31
AffirmingtheGood
Funbecomesfun,lovebecomeslove,lifebecomesworthliving.Andwebecomegrateful.
BeyondCodependency

Wait,andexpectgoodthingsforyourselfandyourlovedones.

Whenyouwonderwhatiscoming,tellyourselfthebestiscoming,theverybestlifeandlovehavetooffer,thebestGodandHisuniversehavetosend.Thenopen
yourhandstoreceiveit.Claimit,anditisyours.

Seethebestinyourmindenvisionwhatitwilllooklike,whatitwillfeellike.Focus,untilyoucanseeitclearly.Letyourwholebeing,bodyandsoul,enterintoand
holdontotheimageforamoment.

Then,letitgo.Comebackintotoday,thepresentmoment.Donotobsess.Donotbecomefearful.Becomeexcited.Livetodayfully,expressinggratitudeforallyou
havebeen,allyouare,andallyouwillbecome.

Wait,andexpectgoodthings.

Today,whenIthinkabouttheyearahead,Iwillfocusonthegoodthatiscoming.

 Page381

Index

AcceptanceFeb.17,Apr.3,Oct.29

AcceptingChangeApr.19,June30

AcceptingHelpJan.5

AcceptingImperfectionFeb.25

AcceptingOurBestAug.30

AcceptingOurselvesMar.3

ActingAsIfJan.17

AffirmationsDec.11

AffirmingtheGoodDec.31

AfterburnMar.27

Amends,MakingAug.26

Amends,WillingtoMakeAug.25

AngerNov.4

AngeratFamilyMembersApr.28

Anger,AcceptingJan.14

Anger,LettingOutNov.14

ApologiesSept.19

AppreciatingOurPastJan.22

AppreciatingOurselvesMar.24

AskingforWhatWeNeedJan.31,Aug.9

AwarenessNov.25

BalanceMar.28,Apr.30,Dec.21

Balance,FindingJan.12

BeWhoYouAreMar.5,Oct.1

BeingHonestwithOurselvesOct.16

BeingIsEnoughJuly21

BeingRightFeb.18

BeliefsAboutMoneyNov.10

 Page382

BoundariesMay17

Boundaries,FlackfromSettingMar.23

BringAnyRequesttoGodJuly11

CelebrateJuly4

CharityJune3

ClarityOct.26

ClarityandDirectionMar.13

ClearThinkingDec.14

ClearingtheSlateJan.24

CommitmentMay30

Commitment,ConsideringMar.21

CommunicationApr.15

CompulsiveDisorders,FreedomfromMay4

ConflictandDetachmentSept.11

Conflicts,NegotiatingApr.4

ControlFeb.15,May5

ControllingVersusTrustOct.14

CopingwithStressApr.22

DeadlinesApr.20

DenialJuly24,Aug.31,Nov.3

DetachinginLoveApr.5

DetachinginRelationshipsAug.21

DetachingwithLoveOct.20

DetachingwithLovewithChildrenSept.2

DetachmentFeb.16,June24,Nov.30

Detachment,ConflictandSept.11

DifficultPeopleDec.5

DirectnessJune1,July3,Aug.12

DisciplineNov.11

DivinelyLedFeb.11

 Page383

EmpowermentMar.17,Dec.10

EnjoyingLifeNov.6

EnjoyingRecoveryFeb.4

EnjoyingtheGoodDaysMay10

EnjoymentApr.13,May23

ExpectationsofOthersDec.20

ExperimentMar.30

FacingOurDarkerSideApr.2

FaithandMoneyOct.4

Families,CopingwithOct.2

Families,LivingwithMar.10

FamilyButtonsJuly15

FamilyIssues,SeparatingfromJan.4

FamilyMembers,ResponsibilityforAug.22

FearJan.10,July28

FeelingGoodMay6,June16

FeelingsDec.15

Feelings,AcceptingOurNov.19

Feelings,DealingwithPainfulJan.7

Feelings,GoodJan.13

Feelings,LeavingRoomforAug.15

Feelings,OntheJobMar.2

Feelings,RecognizingFeb.24

Feelings,StayingOpentoOurDec.18

Feelings,ThoseOldTimeApr.7

FinancesMar.31

FinancialFearsNov.21

FinancialGoalsApr.11

FinancialResponsibilityFeb.5,Oct.21

FindingDirectionSept.4

 Page384

FriendsAug.13

FulfillmentMar.7

FunJune8

Fun,HaveSomeJuly29

GettingItAllOutJuly7

GettingNeedsMetMar.29,May21

GettingThroughDiscomfortOct.3

GettingThroughHardTimesSept.15

Gifts,NotBurdensMar.26

GivingApr.9,Dec.13

GivingOurselvesWhatWeDeserveMay8

GodAsWeUnderstandGodJuly13

God'sWillJune29,Dec.12

GoingEasyApr.1

GoingwiththeFlowJuly8

GoodFeelingsJune21

GoodPoints,OurOct.19

GoodThingsComingDec.22

GossipMay26

GratitudeJan.18,Aug.1

GratitudeandAcceptance,theMagicofNov.22

GriefandActionNov.17

GriefProcess,TheNov.2,Dec.6

Grief,BeingGentlewithOurselvesDuringTimesofOct.12

Grief,TransformationThroughNov.1

GrowthDec.26

Harmony,AchievingJune27

HealingAug.11,Sept.12

HealingThoughtsAug.17

HealthyLimitsJan.2

 Page385

HealthyTolerance,DevelopingDec.3

Help,AskingforDec.9

HigherPowerasaSourceMar.4

HigherPower,OurMay2

HoldingYourOwnOct.22

HolidayTriggersDec.23

Holidays,GettingThroughtheDec.24

Holidays,TheDec.25

HonestyMay14

HonestyinRelationshipsAug.20

InBetweenAug.2

InsistingontheBestJuly16

IntimacyMay12

IntoOrbitJune7

Job,TakingCareofOurselvesontheAug.28

KeepatItJuly25

KnowledgeOct.5

LearningNewBehaviorsMay9

LearningtoTrustAgainJuly22

LearningtoWaitOct.8

LessonsontheJobApr.24

Let'sMakeaDealNov.5

LettingGoJan.4,July27,Dec.4

LettingGoinLoveFeb.9

LettingGoofAngerMar.1

LettingGoofBeingaVictimMar.22

LettingGoofChaosOct.15

 Page386

LettingGoofConfusionMar.11

LettingGoofDenialFeb.28

LettingGoofFearApr.12,May7

LettingGoofFearofAbandonmentJuly12

LettingGoofGuiltJan.11,Feb.8

LettingGoofNaivetOct.7

LettingGoofNeedtoControlApr.27

LettingGoofOldBeliefsJune23

LettingGoofPerfectionAug.10

LettingGoofResistanceJuly20

LettingGoofSadnessFeb.10

LettingGoofSelfCriticismAug.16,Nov.26

LettingGoofSelfDoubtMay28

LettingGoofShameAug.19,Dec.6

LettingGoofthePastOct.25

LettingGoofThoseNotinRecoveryFeb.12

LettingGoofTimingJune14

LettingGoofUrgencySept.21

LettingGoofWhatWeWantJuly31

LettingGoofWorryMar.25

LettingPeopleBeThereforUsDec.1

LettingtheCyclesFlowMay24

LettingtheGoodStuffHappenSept.18

LettingThingsHappenApr.16

Life,PuttingOursonHoldDec.2

LivinginthePresentFeb.21

LivingOurLivesMay18

Love,AcceptingNov.9

Love,inWordsandActionsJuly17

Love,OpeningOurselvestoApr.23,Oct.24

LovingOurselvesUnconditionallyMay25

MakingItHappenJuly23

MakingLifeEasierJune19

 Page387

Martyrs,CompetitionBetweenJune15

MeditationandPrayerOct.28

Meetings,GoingtoJan.29

Middle,StayingOutoftheMar.19

Money,AttitudesTowardAug.5

Money,TheImportanceofSept.29

MorningCuesOct.23

MovingForwardJune11

MovingOnDec.29

NeartheTopDec.27

NeedingPeopleJan.27

Needs,AllOurOct.31

Needy,AllowingOurselvestoBeSept.24

NewBeginningsJan.20

NewEnergyComingJan.23

NewRelationshipBehaviorsSept.17

NewYear,TheJan.1

Nurtured,AllowingOurselvestoBeNov.18

NurturingOurselvesDec.17

NurturingSelfCareJan.3

OfftheHookJan.26

OurPathFeb.19

OverspendingandUnderspendingJuly9

OwningOurEnergyAug.29

Pain,StoppingOurSept.8

Pain,UsingOtherstoStopOurApr.10

PanicJune9,Dec.28

Past,PeacewiththeSept.25

PatienceApr.6,Sept.1

 Page388

PayoffsfromDestructiveRelationshipsOct.10

PeaceMar.6

PeoplePleasersFeb.27

PerfectionMay11

Perfection,LettingGoofAug.10

PerfectionismApr.14

PerspectiveSept.9

PositiveEnergyMar.16

Power,OwningOurJan.19,Feb.7,June2,July26,Aug.14

Power,OwninginRelationshipsAug.3

PowerlessoverOthersSept.7

Powerlessness,AcceptingJuly30

PowerlessnessandUnmanageabilityMay29

PrayerJan.16,Sept.28

ProcrastinationAug.27

PropertyLinesMay13

Protected,FeelingSept.26

ProvingIttoOurselvesJuly19

Readiness,TheGiftofJune6

ReceivingJuly1

RecognizingChoicesMay27

RecoveryOct.11

Recovery,BenefitsofNov.15

Recovery,EnjoyingFeb.4

RecoveryPrayerMay1

RelationshipMartyrsJune20

RelationshipsJan.6,Nov.7

Relationships,DetachinginAug.21

Relationships,EndingJuly10

Relationships,HangingontoOldJune13

Relationships,HonestyinAug.20

Relationships,InitiatingApr.29

ReleasingMar.20

 Page389

ReligiousFreedomJan.30

RemovingtheVictimMar.15

Reprogramming,TimesofMay22,Sept.13

RescuingOurselvesAug.16

ResistingNegativityApr.26

ResponsibilityJune10

ResponsibilityforOurselvesJan.9

RevengeSept.16

Risks,TakeMay15

SadnessMay20

SafetyMar.18

SayingNoAug.7

SayingYesAug.8

SelfApprovalSept.10

SelfCareApr.8,Aug.23

SelfDisclosureOct.9

SelfLoveMay16

SelfSeeking,FreedomfromMay3

SelfValueOct.30

Setbacks,TemporarySept.27

SettingOurOwnCourseFeb.20

Sexuality,HealthyNov.23

Shame,CombatingJune5

Shame,RejectingFeb.3

SolvingProblemsFeb.22,May19,Aug.6

SpontaneitySept.20

SpontaneityandFunJune12

StandingUpforOurselvesJan.15

StayinginthePresentMomentJan.28

StepEightAug.24

StepElevenOct.27

StepOneJan.25

StepSevenJuly6

 Page390

StepTenSept.5

StepTen,TheGoodinSept.6

StepTwelveNov.29

StepTwoFeb.1

Steps,BacktotheNov.28

StrengthFeb.23

SubstanceoverFormOct.13

SurrenderMar.8,June17,Nov.24

Surrender,FeelingsandOct.17

SurvivingSlumpsJune26

SurvivorGuiltJuly5

TakingCareofOurselvesMar.9,Apr.17,Oct.6,Nov.13

TakingCareofOurselvesEmotionallyDec.16

ThrowingOuttheRuleBookOct.18

TimetoGetAngryJuly18

Time,WhenIt'sRightDec.7

TimingMar.12,Nov.12

ToleranceSept.23,Dec.3

TruetoOurselvesNov.8

TrustingGodJune4

TrustingOurHigherPowerFeb.2

TrustingOurselvesFeb.13,Mar.14Sept.22,Nov.27

Truth,FindingOurOwnApr.25

TwelveStepProgramsFeb.26

Valentine'sDayFeb.14

ValuingOurNeedsDec.8

ValuingthisMomentAug.18

Victim,NotaSept.30

VictimTrap,TheNov.16

 Page391

Victimization,StoppingFeb.6

VulnerabilityJan.8,Aug.4

VulnerableJune18

WaitingApr.21

WantsandNeedsJan.21,Nov.20

WarningSignsJuly30

WeAreLovableJuly14

WhatIf?May31

WhatWeWant,ComingtoTermswithJuly10

What'sGoodforMe?Sept.14

WhenThingsDon'tWorkJune28

WhoKnowsBest?July2

WithholdingJune25

WordPowerSept.3

WorkHistoriesJune22

WorkRolesDec.19

YouAreLovableFeb.29

 Page392

TheTwelveStepsOfAlcoholicsAnonymous*
1.Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcoholthatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.

2.CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.

3.MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodHim.

4.Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.

5.AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.

6.WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.

7.HumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.

8.Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.

9.Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.

10.Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.

11.SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthe
powertocarrythatout.

12.Havinghadaspiritualawakeningastheresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoalcoholics,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.

*TheTwelveStepsofA.A.aretakenfromAlcoholicsAnonymous,3rded.,publishedbyA.A.WorldServices,Inc.,NewYork,N.Y.,5960.ReprintedwithpermissionofA.A.
WorldServices,Inc.

 Page393

TheTwelveStepsOfAlAnon*
1.Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcoholthatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.

2.CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.

3.MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodHim.

4.Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.

5.AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.

6.WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.

7.HumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.

8.Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.

9.Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.

10.Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.

11.SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthe
powertocarrythatout.

12.Havinghadaspiritualawakeningastheresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoothers,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.

*TheTwelveStepsofAlAnonaretakenfromAlAnonFacesAlcoholism,2nded.,publishedbyAlAnonFamilyGroupHeadquarters,Inc.,NewYork,N.Y.,23637.TheTwelve
StepsofAlAnonarecopyrightedbyAlAnonFamilyGroupHeadquarters,Inc.TheyarereprintedherewiththepermissionofAlAnonFamilyGroupHeadquarters,Inc.,and
A.A.WorldServices,Inc.

 Page399

HAZELDENINFORMATIONANDEDUCATIONALSERVICES
isadivisionoftheHazeldenFoundation,anotforprofitorganization.Since1949,Hazeldenhasbeenaleaderinpromotingthedignityandtreatmentofpeople
afflictedwiththediseaseofchemicaldependency

Themissionofthefoundationistoimprovethequalityoflifeforindividuals,families,andcommunitiesbyprovidinganationalcontinuumofinformation,education,and
recoveryservicesthatarewidelyaccessibletoadvancethefieldthroughresearchandtrainingandtoimproveourqualityandeffectivenessthroughcontinuous
improvementandinnovation.

Stemmingfromthat,themissionofthisdivisionistoprovidequalityinformationandsupporttopeoplewherevertheymaybeintheirpersonaljourneyfrom
educationandearlyintervention,throughtreatmentandrecovery,topersonalandspiritualgrowth.

AlthoughourtreatmentprogramsdonotnecessarilyuseeverythingHazeldenpublishes,ourbibliotherapeuticmaterialssupportourmissionandtheTwelveStep
philosophyuponwhichitisbased.Weencourageyourcommentsandfeedback.

TheheadquartersoftheHazeldenFoundationareinCenterCity,Minnesota.AdditionaltreatmentfacilitiesarelocatedinChicago,IllinoisNewYork,NewYork
Plymouth,MinnesotaSt.Paul,MinnesotaandWestPalmBeach,Florida.Atthesesites,weprovideacontinuumofcareformenandwomenofallages.Our
Plymouthfacilityisdesignedspecificallyforyouthandfamilies.

FormoreinformationonHazelden,pleasecall18002577800.OryoumayaccessourWorldWideWebsiteontheInternetathttp://www.hazelden.org.

 Page400

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HopeforHealthyRelationships
Inthissupportive''VHSvideo,MelodyBeattieandotherrecoveringcodependentsreachoutandsharehowtheyworkatachievingbalanceinrelationships.They
intimatelysharehowthey'velearnedtoaffirmandnurturethemselves,andquitdependingonotherpeopleforselfworth.
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