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Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem and Children with Law Enforcement Parents

Ximena Lopez

Chiquita Waters

Communication for Empowerment

12/9/2016
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Introduction

Our daughter, Isabella, who is three years of age clapped proudly as her father walked

across the stage, to receive his diploma. We were inside the auditorium celebrating this grand

accomplishment with family and friends. Outside of the auditorium, there was extra security in

case of an anti-police protest. Two days after his graduation there was an Officer involved in a

shooting a block from our residence. Reality began to settle in. Just four short days after his

graduation, he started patrolling the streets of the city of Los Angeles. His new career was a

blessing to our family of three, although many changes were to come. Our daughter no longer

saw her daddy, seven days a week. Due to my husbands schedule we no longer ate dinner

together as a family. Our daughter, no longer had her daddy, in her daily routine. Her reaction

to the absence of her father caused me to wonder just how deeply his job affect her self-esteem.

Literature Review

I am the child of a police officer, a phrase that may not be the easiest for a child to say

with a parent in law enforcement. Children who are part of a law enforcement family can

occasionally be affected in many ways due to the obligations of their parents daily duties.

Absent parenting, negative comments, and trauma are three things out of many a child may face

on a day to day basis. Police officers have an unsteady and complex schedule that prohibits them

from spending quality time at home every day of the week. Their schedule may interfere with

special occasions, performances, or just having a simple family dinner in the evening. As a

result, the child may feel he or she is little or no importance to his parent. Parents absence may

affect a childs life in different ways. It is important to be able to communicate and explain the

parents absence to the child.

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Hiding the truth from a child in regards of his parents work duties might confuse them,

making it easier for them to believe everything that they see in the media. Police officers have

been given a negative reputation the past few years. It is very easy to find videos of police

officers fist fighting, tasing, and even shooting civilians. The media presents such videos making

police officers look like the bad guys. The main stream media hardly ever presents a video that

allows us to see the police officers point of view. The part of the video that shows the suspect

reaching for an unknown object, putting the officers life on the line.

Just like in any other job there are police officers that stand by their promise to protect

and to serve their community and others who abuse their power. Children who have parents in

law informant could be targeted by other children at their school. Making it hard for them to live

their everyday life. Children could suffer from bullying, name calling, and rejection making it

hard for them to create healthy relationship with other children. Absent parent, hearing negative

comments in regards of mom or dads job, and not being able to fit in might cause trauma in a

child. The trauma could occur at any time without the parents noticing.

Methodology

In order to get different points of view in regards of this topic I met with 3 different

people. The first person I met with was officer Anderson. He has been part of LAPD for 20 years

and is a father of 2 children. We spoke for thirty minutes; he expresses his opinion on the

importance of talking to the children in the household. The second person I met with was a 25-

year-old male, who we will call Max. He is the son of a police officer. The interview lasted for

an hour at a coffee shop. He spoke in regards of the negative view people have towards police

officers, and how it has affected him socially and emotionally in his life. The last person I spoke

with was a female, we met at the park for fifteen minutes. She has been married to her husband
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for 3 years and she recently became a police officers wife, after her husband graduated the

police academy about a year ago. She touched on the subject of communication with the

children, as well as the importance of having both parents in every event.

Results

Police officers dont have a traditional work schedule, that allows them to make It to

every Saturday game or every recital their child might have. Missing important event in a child

life could be crucial for their self-esteem. Children create emotional attachments with their

parents or caregivers from a very early age. The book Teaching with the brain in mind by Eric

Jensen explains healthy emotional attachment during a childs 24 months helps develop the

social and emotional skills fundamental for life (Siguel, 19990). In other words, the first 2 years

of a child life are the most important in order for them to have a strong foundation in their

emotional and social skills.

Unfortunately, the shift that officers are assigned might not allow them create such

bond with their child. The article Police Work and Its Effect on the Family written by Donna

Fratesi informs us how shift work disrupts family life and interferes with holidays and special

family events (3). Making it difficult for an officer and their child to create a strong

relationship. Having an absent parent might cause the child to have change his or her behavior.

According to Stephanie when her husband started patrolling her children reacted in different

Ways. Her three years old was sensitive, he would cry about anything that he found unfair, like

his brother getting the blue ice pop and him getting the red ice pop. She explains that her little

boy had never been so sensitive prior to his dads new job. She continues my seven-year-old

who was usually calm starred getting aggressive, hitting his younger brother and me when his

dad wasnt home. According to the article Children of the Badge written by Mark Bond
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explains the type of behavior Stephanies kids demonstrated are completely normal during a

stressful change. Mark Bond explains a childs anxiety is display in many different behaviors

such as sudden unprovoked crying, mean or angry talk (unusual to the child) or acting needy.

Childrens self-esteem who tend to have an absent father tend to diminish according to

Beth Wood in the article An absent parent and self- esteem in children. She states children in

homes where fathers are not involved in their lives experience diminished self-esteem,

behavioral problems, truancy, poor academic performance, delinquency and homelessness, as

well as teen pregnancy. Woods also shares that anger, insecurity, fear of rejection, impulsive

behaviors, self-destructive behavior and poor self-esteem happen because of the mother's

absence.

In the world we live in is easy to see or hear negative comments about police officers.

Children who are part of a law informant family might be one of the most affected by such

comments. Max explains how hard it was for him growing up when people found out his dad

was a cop High school was rough for me, I would get tease and called names because my dad

was a cop. He continues now that I got older is hard for me to see the news or social media

because of all the messages full of hate towards police officers. It upsets me because I know for a

fact not all cops are bad. My dad is a good man and a great role model that I cant brag about

because people will lose their mind. Many children just like max suffer from bullying everyday

according to stopBullying.gov, 49% off student report being bullied by other students.

Children whose parents are police officers are not the exception to bullying. The article

Supporting family & Children of law enforcement Officers state's Children become targets of

anger and bullying by peers at school. Bullying could cause severe damage to a childs self

Esteem, not only children of law enforcement but any child could be affected. The article
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Effects of Bullying in a child Self-Esteem gives a list of effect a child might experience due to

bullying. Loss of confidence, bedwetting, isolation, and Self-Criticism or Rejection. Victims of

Bullying might lose their self-confidence and might start doubting them-self. Along with

bullying comes fear which might cause a child to wet their bed at night. Being bullied might

make the child feel insignificant and unimportant causing them to distant themselves from

people, and spend the majority of their time on their own. Children might truly believe all the

negative things they hear of them self or people close to them and those negative thoughts might

cause self-hate or rejection of their own self.

Children of law informant have to deal with many stressful situations such as, not knowing

if their parent will make it home, hearing negative things of their parents job, and on time even

hearing harsh details of a case their parent encounter throughout the day. All these elements

might be too hard for a child to process properly, consequently causing them to suffer from

trauma.

Children might experience trauma in different ways which parents might not be aware of.

Trauma could happen for many reasons like being bullied or going through some traumatic event

in life. On times children dont have to go through a traumatic event to become traumatized.

Lessening to a conversation full of harsh detail could be more than enough to cause trauma.

Children who have an officer in their family, may be more exposed to such conversations.

According to Mark bond children can even share the same memories or re-enact the LEOs

(Law Enforcement Officer) trauma by knowing that a traumatic event was experienced by the

parent. Many times parents are not aware of how much impact their conversation might have on

their child.
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Trauma is hard on a child especially if they can't really identify as where it came from but

it is also bad for the child's self-esteem. A child who experiences trauma is more likely to have a

lower self-esteem than other children. According to Nelson Goff, Crow, Reisbig, & Hamilton

(2007) they believe people who have experienced a traumatic event report lower self-esteem

and less relationship satisfaction than those who have not experienced a traumatic event (16).

Trauma does not only happen to children who have lived a traumatic moment in their life.

Trauma could also happen to children who hear horrifying details during a conversation.

Having a parent or spouse who is a cop might not be ideal, due to their work schedule,

and the stress they might bring to the family. Luckily for those families there are something they

could do in order to have achieved a healthy relationship. The key to having a healthy

relationship despite one of the parents being a cop is communication. According to officer

Anderson the only way he was able to keep his family together was by communicating with

them. When I first join LAPD, I felt like my family was falling apart. My children would not

speak to me as often as they did before, and my wife and I were having many issues. He

continues I started calling to the house whenever I had a break. My sons and I would have a

quick conversation and I would let them know how much the mean to me, I would also talk to

my wife and I would let her know how much I loved her. When I was home I spend most of the

time with my family and I tried to be fully present in every conversation we were having. I

honestly think this is what save my family. Finding the time to speak with one another could be

just what a family needs in order to make it through all the obstacles.

Children who are part of a law informant family have many things to deal with for

example the absence of their parents, as well as negative comments in regards of them or their

family, Bullying, and trauma. This might cause the child to separate from their parents and
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friends. There really is no way preventing your child to feel a certain way. The best thing a

parent could do is to communicate with the child as often as possible and clear any inquiries they

might have. Having a good support system will help the child feel better and their self-esteem

won't be compromise.
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References
Anderson, J. (2016). Police station.

Avirret, J. (2014). Cite a Website - Cite This For Me. Digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu.

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Buehner, S. (2015). Supporting Family & Children of Law Enforcement Officers - Lutheran
Family and Children's Services of Missouri. Lutheran Family and Children's Services of
Missouri. Retrieved 9 December 2016, from http://lfcsmo.org/supporting-family-children-of-
law-enforcement-officers/

Children's Exposure to Violence - Child Trends. (2016). Child Trends. Retrieved 9 December
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cruz, S. (2016). Local Park.

Etolen, N. (2012). Effects of bullying on a child's self esteem - Our Family World. Our Family
World. Retrieved 9 December 2016, from http://www.ourfamilyworld.com/2012/04/25/effects-
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Facts About Bullying | StopBullying.gov. (2014). Stopbullying.gov. Retrieved 9 December 2016,

from https://www.stopbullying.gov/news/media/facts/

Fratesi, D. (2016). Police Work and Its Effects on the family.

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Greenwood, B. (2016). An Absent Parent and Self-Esteem in Children. Our Everyday Life.
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Jensen, E. (2005). Teaching with the brain in mind (1st ed.). Alexandria, Va.: Association for
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Lazo, M. (2016). Coffee shop.

MultiBrief: Children of the badge: The impact of stress on law enforcement children. (2014).
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Reference