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Overcoming
Pornography
Addiction
BEYOND TODAY FEATURE
Its a problem
Overcoming
2013 United Church of God, an International Pornography
Association www.ucg.org Addiction 3
BEYOND TODAY FEATURE
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Modern technology has brought us pho- dience. The Bible is filled with praise
hen we think of addiction, tography, videography and the Internet. for Gods wonderful laws. Psalm 119 is
we most often think of being Now anyone with a TV or computer by far the longest chapter in the Bible
addicted to chemicals. The can watch porn 24/7 in the privacy and at 176 verses. Its entirely about praising
truth of the matter is that people can secrecy of his own home. This has made God for His Word and His laws. Verse
also be addicted to behaviors. Some of it extremely easy to become addicted 97 says: Oh, how I love Your law! It is
these behaviors include eating, gambling a tragic consequence of scientific my meditation all the day. Verse 9 is
and sex. And the number one type of achievement. helpful for people struggling with por-
sexual addiction is habitual viewing of In a study of 932 sex addicts conduct- nography addiction. It says: How can a
pornography. ed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, 90 percent of young man cleanse his way? By taking
What is pornography? Its pictures, men and 77 percent of women indicated heed according to Your word.
videos, writing, or other material that that pornography played a significant The seventh of the Ten Command-
is sexually explicit. It often involves role in their addiction (Dont Call it ments is You shall not commit
the depiction of erotic behavior (as in Love: Recovery from Sexual Addictions, adultery (Exodus 20:14). This brief
pictures or writing) intended to cause 1991, New York, Bantam). umbrella command refers to all the vari-
sexual excitement. ous kinds of sexual sins. And sexual sins
The word pornography comes from Whats wrong with are the most self-destructive of all. In 1
two Greek words that mean prostitute pornography? Corinthians 6:18, the apostle Paul wrote:
and writing, so the original mean- Pornography is destructive to the Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that
ing is writing about prostitutes. But mind and heart of the viewer even when a man does is outside the body, but he
today, even though there are still lots hes not addicted to it. God gave the who commits sexual immorality sins
of salacious books, pornography is Ten Commandments to steer humanity against his own body.
largely about visual imagesin maga- toward a happy, healthful life and away And Jesus Christ revealed the spirit
zines, movies, videos and the Internet. from the automatic penalties of disobe- of the law: But I say to you that who-
Powerlessness and
unmanageability
At this point in the downward spiral
of addiction, the individual begins to
suffer consequences that may impact
areas of life such as marriage, family,
spiritual life, financial, legal, and pos-
sibly others. Its often at this point that
one finally seeks help. The best way
to start the recovery process is to seek
the help of our all-powerful Heavenly
Father. At this level of enslavement, we
need Gods help to emancipate us from
Some people become sexually addicted even though they the sinful bondage.
came from a healthy and wholesome family background.
They first look at pornography out of curiosity and thrill- How pornography
progresses from bad to
seeking and then are gradually seduced by the lure of the worse
eroticism. According to Dr. Victor Cline, an
expert on sexual addiction, there is a
4. Sex is my most important need. quences and take personal responsibility four-step progression of this addictive
Dr. Carnes believes that the roots of can a healing process begin. behavior:
sexual addiction begin in childhood. 1. Addiction: Pornography provides
He writes: When a childs exploration Compulsivity and a powerful sexual stimulant or aphro-
of sexuality goes beyond discovery to Dependence disiac effect, followed by sexual release,
routine self-comforting because of the Compulsivity is a recurring impulse most often through masturbation.
lack of human care, there is potential for that is difficult to resist. The tension of 2. Escalation: Over time, addicts
addiction. Sex becomes confused with a negative emotional state is relieved require more explicit and more devi-
comforting and nurturing. when a behavior or chemical is intro- ant material to meet their sexual needs.
As with other forms of addiction, a duced that causes a neuro-chemical They desire (even think they require)
number of characteristics are common reward. That reward reinforces and rougher, more deviant, more explicit,
to sexual addiction. Here are some to perpetuates the behavior. When this and kinky kinds of sexual material to
be aware of when confronting porn process is repeated multiple times, it get their high and sexual turn-ons.
addicts. creates a physical and/or psychological 3. Desensitization: What was first
dependency. perceived as gross, shocking, disturb-
Denial ing, in time becomes common and
Denial is a defense mechanism that Tolerance and Escalation acceptable. Tragically, healthy sexual
maintains the addictive behavior by Over time, what used to produce a relations with ones spouse seems bor-
failing to admit or minimizing the seri- desired effect and state of mind becomes ing.
ousness of the behavior. The first step less effective, and this is called toler- 4. Acting out sexually: There is an
towards overcoming any addiction is ance. What typically happens is that increasing tendency to act out behav-
acknowledging that you have a problem. the individual needs more of the drug iors (including violent behaviors)
Only when you can truly be honest or behavior to get the desired result. viewed in pornographyimitating
about your actions and their conse- With pornography, the cravings tend to what one has seen. BT
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reign in your mortal body, that you nature does is quite plain. It shows itself
ets now learn about slavery, our should obey it in its lusts. in immoral, filthy, and indecent actions
slave masters, and how we can be Paul goes on to tell us we have a (Galatians 5:19, GNB). We must resist
freed from this form of slavery. choice. We can choose to be a slave to the pulls of the flesh.
sin with the eventual consequence of The pervasive and insidious influ-
Slavery death or a voluntary slave to God which ence of the corrupt world around us is
In John 8:34, Jesus said, Most assur- leads to righteousness and eternal life. another slave master. The apostle John
edly, I say to you, whoever commits sin In verse 16, he wrote: Do you not know wrote, For all that is in the worldthe
is a slave of sin. Repeated sins quickly that to whom you present yourselves lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and
enslave us, much more than most slaves to obey, you are that ones slaves the pride of lifeis not of the Father but
people realize. Sins quickly begin to whom you obey, whether of sin lead- is of the world (1 John 2:16). Without
affect us and those we love, put distance ing to death, or of obedience leading to God, were in bondage under the ele-
between God and us, and increasingly righteousness? ments of the world (Galatians 4:3).
control us. In Romans 12:2, Paul wrote, And do
In Romans 6, Paul explains about Our evil slave masters not be conformed to this world, but be
being slaves to sin. He said that as Without God, we are slaves to the transformed by the renewing of your
Christ died for us, we must put to death downward pulls of our own human mind, that you may prove what is that
our old sinful way of life and should nature. Jeremiah described it this way: good and acceptable and perfect will of
walk in newness of life (verse 4). To Who can understand the human heart? God.
grow spiritually, we should no longer There is nothing else so deceitful; it is The third and most powerful of the
be slaves to sin (verse 6). In verse 12, too sick to be healed (Jeremiah 17:9, evil slave masters is Satan, our adver-
he concludes: Therefore do not let sin Good News Bible). What human sary the devil and the tempter of
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aroused. It is also possible to become emotional states that are infinitely bet-
ext well take a look at practi- aroused by another persons behavior. In ter than pornography or any kind of
cal as well as spiritual solutions todays world many people have become escapism. This often involves a holistic
and strategies to overcoming increasingly provocative in their inter- approachaddressing mind, body,
an addiction to pornography, and even actions with others. Often this type of and spirit. Nutritional enhancements
the temptations to indulge in viewing behavior occurs in a work setting, but I including foods, vitamins and herbs can
pornography. These strategies can be have known (counseled or spoken with) positively affect mood and brain chem-
useful in overcoming all forms of sexual a number of people who have been istry. Exercising regularly can help with
addiction. tempted and acted out even in faith mood issues and stress management.
communities. The adversary, the devil, In situations where extreme forms of
Triggers has infiltrated all social contexts. depression or other mental issues exist,
The first concept to understand is When you can identify the triggers in medication might be needed along with
that of triggers. These are factors which your own life, you can begin to develop counseling. In these cases, seeking the
stimulate the desire for viewing sexually safeguards and alternative responses to appropriate medical or professional
explicit material and stimuli. Some of these triggers. This is what we in the help is recommended. Often people will
the common triggers I hear about are addiction field call relapse prevention self-medicate by using drugs, alcohol,
boredom, depression, anger, loneliness, strategies or plans. These plans are an or engagement in behaviors to elevate
rejection, anxiety, fear, stress, sadness, integral part of recovery or emancipa- mood or cope with stress when there
shame, guilt and low self-esteem. Most tion from sexual slavery or idolatry. are more effective means of coping with
of these are emotional states from which these conditions.
the individual seeks relief. Triggers Emotional triggers
can be visual or auditory as in movies, With emotional types of triggers, Electronic triggers
music, magazines or even in looking at like those mentioned above, we need When the triggers are electronic
someone in a way to become sexually to find alternatives to managing these in nature, like a computer and the
Visual triggers
When real people in ones environ-
ment have a provocative effect, this can
be more challenging. But with all trig-
gers, there are solutions. One obvious
solution is to never let your eyes linger
on the tempting sight, but move out
of eyesight from the person who has
become a spiritual stumbling block. This
is implied by what Jesus said in Matthew
5:27-30. Another concept that works,
if applied consistently, is bouncing of
the eyes. This strategy merely means
making a conscious decision to look
the other way when one sees something
that has a sexually erotic effect. This is
in contrast to ogling and lusting for a When you can identify the triggers in your own life, you can
person who is sexually stimulating and/ begin to develop safeguards and alternative responses to
or provocatively dressed. Taking second these triggers. These plans are an integral part of recovery
and third looks should also be avoided.
One finds something else to look at
or emancipation from sexual slavery or idolatry.
or just look away. Job was a good role
model. He said he made a covenant sense ahead of righteousness and our and extramarital affairs. As mentioned
with his eyes (Job 31:1). For that verse, love of God, we are in a similar place in the previous article, 70 to 90 percent
the Good News Bible says: I have made with the same question to answer: What of sexual addicts started with pornog-
a solemn promise never to look with do we want to serve, God or pornogra- raphy.
lust at a woman. phy? One point I wanted to make before
Matthew 6:22-24 offers a principle looking at other relapse prevention
that can be applied to the idolatry of Gateway to other sexual sins strategies is to remind everyone about
sexual sin. The lamp of the body is the Pornography opens the door to setting healthy boundaries in relation-
eye. If, therefore, your eye is good, your other forms of sexual sins. While it ships. This means that if you are mar-
whole body will be full of light. But if starts with fantasy stimulated by visual ried, you need to avoid intimate con-
your eye is bad, your whole body will be images, it often leads to other forms of versations with anyone of the opposite
full of darkness. If, therefore, the light sexual sins. Similar to drugs, where one sex or being alone in a private room
that is in you is full of darkness, how is often looking for a better high, those with that person for any length of time.
great is that darkness? No one can serve seeking pornographic highs often seek You should also avoid flirtatious or
two masters; for either he will hate the material that is increasingly stimulat- sexual conversations, because they can
one and love the other, or else he will be ingfrom soft porn to hard porn, from lead to sexual fantasies or lust. When
loyal to the one and despise the other. still pictures to videos, from viewing married, your intimate conversations
You cannot serve God and mammon. relatively normal sex to viewing should be reserved for your spouse. If
The principle here is specifically about increasingly perverted and even vio- there is a problem in your marriage,
serving God versus materialism and the lent sex. For many, it eventually leads seek a counselor, preferably a Christian
lust for money. However, when we put to other forms of sexual sins such as counselor, to help with communication
the lust of the flesh through our visual phone sex, Internet sex, prostitution and relationship issues.
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help. He thinks he can handle his own tionship with a mood-altering chemical.
hen Dans therapist told problems. The alcoholics relationship with alcohol
him that he was sexually becomes more important than fam-
addicted, he was out- What is sexual addiction? ily, friends, and work. The relationship
raged! He thought his therapist was Obviously, not every person who has progresses to the point where alcohol
exaggerating. Dan was certain his real some difficulty or problem involving is necessary to feel normal. To feel
problem was depression. He was simply sex and sexual relationships is sexu- normal for the alcoholic is also to feel
down all the time, and he wanted to be ally addicted. However, since sexual isolated and lonely, since the primary
happier. True, his life had left a trail of addiction is progressive, its possible for relationship he depends upon to feel
broken relationships and he had some difficulties or problems to become exac- adequate is with a chemical, not other
sexual problems, but that was because erbated and to ultimately develop into people.
he was so down all the time (Out of addictions. Sexual addiction is parallel. The
the Shadows: Understanding Sexual In his book Out of the Shadows: addict substitutes a sick relationship
Addiction, page 177). Understanding Sexual Addiction, Dr. to an event or a process for a healthy
Denial is an all-too-common human Carnes provides some important insight relationship with others. The addicts
defense mechanism. Patrick Carnes, an into identifying some of the common relationship with a mood-altering expe-
acknowledged expert on sexual addic- symptoms indicative of sexual addic- rience becomes central to his life
Tools of Recovery
A. Michael Johnson, Ph.D., lists the Carry Recovery With You at practice abstinence to the best of
following tools and more on his web- All Times: your ability.
site www.sexual-addict.com: That may be reminders, cues, One Day at a Time
Accountability Partners and instructions or anything else that
will help. Those things might Prayer and Meditation
Agreements
Being accountable to someone is include: Professional Help:
an important anchor for sobriety. Phone numbers of recovery Your addiction may have
Make an agreement with someone friends. been a subconscious way of
to check in daily if at all possible. Photographs of loved ones. self-medicating yourself for
That person should have a list of Cost card (add up the costs of wounds you carry from your
questionsvery specific ques- your addiction). earlier life. It is important to
tionsto ask you and that you Combat Physical Inactivity: work with a professional who
have agreed to answer honestly. Spend time doing fun activities understands sexual addiction
Your partner may be a member of and getting involved in sports, or is willing to learn. This is
your group, a friend in recovery, another way to keep yourself on
exercise and other physical activi-
your therapist or a good friend. the path of recovery. Remember
ties. This is useful for all addicts
An accountability partner must that recovery is much more
and particularly important for
than abstinence from sexually
be someone you trust and with those who became sedentary with
addictive behaviors. You may
whom you feel safe. It is not rec- their addictions such as cybersex
want to seek out group therapy,
ommended that you ask your life addicts.
individual therapy or both. If
partner to be your accountability Combat Isolation: possible, including your spouse
partner. Related tools include Spend time with people. in therapy, both individually and
sponsors and a support network. Isolation is a part of your disease. as a couple, can be a great benefit
Avoid Triggering Situations: Find ways to be in contact with to the recovery of both and to
You dont have to go to busi- people. your relationship.
ness meetings at nude bars. You Interrupt Your Acting Out: Set Boundaries
can tell the others that going to Develop and memorize a set of
such places interferes with your Telephone:
strategies to help you avoid acting The telephone is your lifeline
spiritual growth. If you cant avoid out. Use these daily.
some triggers such as working between meetings. Get phone
on a computer, make it safe for Meetings: numbers from other members in
yourself. Install blocking software In these meetings you learn your program. Get used to calling
(so that you dont know the pass- valuable information about your someone daily. It is an important
word), keep your door open, turn disease and how the 12-step pro- way to break out of the isola-
the screen toward the door, put gram works. Members give and tion that is so strongly a part of
the computer at home in a public receive support, work the steps the disease. You may be shy and
area and never go online when and share experience, strength and hesitant at first, but by training
you are alone. hope in a safe environment. At yourself to call someone, it will
first, attend as many meetings as be easy to place that call when
Balance Your Life and you can. If possible, attend meet- that moment of crisis arises. And
Service ings daily for the first 90 days and it will!
Interacting faulty beliefs produce distorted views of reality. Denial leads the list. Slicing
through this mental fog to both recognize and deal with denial and self-deception is
essential to recovery and overcoming.
damental momentum necessary for the and circular reasoning abound amidst in which the mind becomes completely
development of sexual addictions. impaired thinking patterns. Even con- engrossed with thoughts of sex. This
What are some of these irrational sequences such as venereal disease, mental state creates an obsessive search
beliefs? Perhaps the most common is unwanted pregnancy, lost jobs, arrests for sexual stimulation.
the perception of not being a worth- and broken relationships are either 2. Ritualization is the formation of
while person. Addicts believe that overlooked or attributed to factors other special routines leading up to sexual
other people would not value them as a than the addiction. behavior. The ritual intensifies the pre-
person if everything about themselves Slicing through this mental fog to occupation, adding arousal and excite-
was known, including their addiction. both recognize and deal with denial ment.
They also believe that sex is their most and self-deception is essential to recov- 3. Compulsive sexual behavior is doing
important need. Sex is viewed as the ery and overcoming. But each one is the actual sexual act, the end goal of the
only thing that makes their isolation tempted when he is drawn away by his preoccupation and ritualization.
bearable. Consequently, faulty personal own desires and enticed. Then, when 4. Despair is the feeling of utter hope-
core beliefs become the anchor points desire has conceived, it gives birth to lessness and sense of powerlessness that
for sexual addiction. sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, results from once again having engaged
brings forth death. Do not be deceived, in sexually addictive behavior.
Impaired thinking my beloved brethren (James 1:14-16).
Interacting faulty beliefs produce A self-perpetuating cycle
distorted views of reality. Denial leads The addiction cycle Since the end result is very disap-
the list. Ignoring the problem, blaming Addictive experiences tend to prog- pointing and very painful, why would
others and minimizing the behaviors ress through a four-step cycle, intensify- anyone repeat this addiction cycle?
become part of a defensive repertoire. ing with each repetition: The reason is that the cycle becomes
Arguments, excuses, justifications 1. Preoccupation is the mood or trance self-perpetuating. Ironically, much
Gods revealed purpose for The great Creator God has designed human sexuality to be
sex a wonderful blessing. God revealed His intent and purpose
We live in a society that presents for sex when human civilization began.
the joy of sex as the rightful pursuit
of everyone. It seems, in fact, suspicion
may likely be attached to anyone who Levels of addiction especially difficult for the sexual addict.
refrains from engaging in sexual activity. Sexual addiction is generally catego- One of the best proven paths to
The so-called sexual revolution insists rized into three levels. The presence of recovery is the 12 steps of Alcoholics
that we discard any inhibitions and one or more of these sexual behaviors Anonymous, but adapted to a particular
sexual hang-ups. This preoccupation does not always involve addiction. sexual addiction. The 12-step program
with sex pervades many facets of life. Various sexual crimes, for example, may helps members restore their network of
The great Creator God has designed or may not be addictive behaviors. The human relationships, especially in their
human sexuality to be a wonderful behaviors designated as level one have family. Members are taught how to live
blessing. God revealed His intent and in common general cultural acceptance. the program, leaving behind their dou-
purpose for sex when human civiliza- Some are regarded as illegal, but the ble life and its delusion and pain.
tion began. Therefore a man shall leave reality is that widespread practice con-
his father and mother and be joined veys a public tolerance. Though often Battling a pornography
to his wife, and they shall become one considered by society to be less destruc- addiction
flesh (Genesis 2:24). This is a refer- tive, each of these can be devastating Sex sells! Pornography, one of the
ence to the union of the sexual organs when done compulsively. Level one greatest sexual scourges afflicting
of husband and wife and implies that addictions generally include masturba- human society today, is a $57 billion
marriage is intended to be an intimate tion, compulsive relationships, pornog- industry. Porn revenue is larger than
relationship. raphy, prostitution and anonymous sex. the combined revenues of all profes-
This understanding is confirmed by Level two addictions include exhi- sional football, baseball and basketball
Paul in 1 Corinthians, where he calls bitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone franchises! It also exceeds the combined
sexual intercourse becoming one flesh calls and indecent liberties. These revenues of ABC, CBS and NBC televi-
(1 Corinthians 6:16). In the same con- behaviors are deemed sufficiently intru- sion networks.
text, Paul wrote, Flee sexual immoral- sive to warrant stiff legal sanctions. They Overcoming an addiction to Internet
ity (1 Corinthians 6:18), explaining are all punished when actively prose- pornography may necessitate the use
that sex outside of marriage is sin and cuted. Both prosecutors and the general of some special computer safeguards.
that it brings penalties on the sinner. In public, however, often view these acts For example, various software programs
contrast, in Hebrews 13:4, Paul affirms as nuisance offenses. The commonality filter Internet content but still allow nor-
that the sexual union between a hus- of all of these addictive behaviors is the mal Web surfing. They can be used to
band and wife is the lawful function fact that someone is victimized. block out offensive websites.
of human sexuality. The marriage bed Level three sexual addictions share If you install this type of program
is undefiled, he explained. Paul then in common the violation of some of yourself, you will easily know how to get
immediately warned that other sexual our most significant boundaries. Rape, around it. Therefore, it would be bet-
acts outside of marriage do defile a per- incest and child molestation entail ter to have your spouse or some other
son spiritually. basic transgressions of laws designed trustworthy adult set up the software on
Christs statements in Matthew 5:27- to protect the vulnerable. A number your computer.
30 explain how it is possible to commit of additional detestable behaviors and Three good ones are CyberPatrol,
sexual sin in our mind aloneapart addictions are intentionally not being CyberSitter and NetNanny. They cost
from any action whatsoever. We are mentioned in this listing. less than $40. All have free trials, so you
commanded to guard and control our can take each for a test drive before you
thoughts as well as our actions. Jesus Breaking free buy. Youll find them at, respectively:
Christ later also inspired Paul to write Breaking the hold of sexual addic- www.cyberpatrol.com/
www.cybersitter.com/
www.netnanny.com/
Both America Online and MSN offer
ways to limit access to the Internets
darker side. Like the filtering software,
you might want to have your spouse
or other trustworthy adult set up the
account. This way, you do not have any
of the passwords. While these controls
are meant primarily for children, they
can help adults avoid problem websites.
You could also use an Internet service
provider that does filtering. Below are
links to two such companies:
www.characterlink.net
www.bsecure.com
If you need something more adult,
check out accountability software. One
such program is X3watch, which is
offered by XXXchurch.com, a ministry
that battles online pornography. With
this program, you designate an account-
ability partner. X3watch makes a record
of any questionable sites you visit and
e-mails the list to your accountability
partner. It also makes a note if you close
the program. X3watch is free. You can The process of overcoming sexual addictions is neither
get it at www.x3watch.com.
Here are some additional websites simple nor easy. Spiritual freedom, however, is made
that may prove to be helpful in recovery available to us through Jesus Christ. Therefore if the Son
from an addiction to pornography: makes you free, you shall be free indeed (John 8:36).
Sex Addicts Anonymous:
www.sexaa.org.
Dr. Patrick Carnes, author and and toward obedience to God. Deep, free from sin, you became slaves of righ-
expert on this topic: www.sexhelp.com. heartfelt repentance before God can teousness (Romans 6:18).
provide a marvelous cleansing process, It is possible to break the bonds of
Overcoming sexual a spiritual catharsis that releases the sexual addiction. If you need help in this
addictions guilt and shame induced by sin. If we area, ask God to give you the courage
The process of overcoming sexual confess our sins, He is faithful and just to honestly face the problem. Be willing
addictions is neither simple nor easy. to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us to seek counsel from the ministry and,
Spiritual freedom, however, is made from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). if recommended, to obtain specialized
available to us through Jesus Christ. The struggle against sin is a long and professional help as well.
Therefore if the Son makes you free, difficult process. Its not only essen- Most importantly, beseech Almighty
you shall be free indeed (John 8:36). tial that we continue to put to death God to accomplish His will in your life.
The first step in the process of attain- (Colossians 3:5) the old sinful carnal But now having been set free from
ing this freedom is to recognize and nature within us, but that we also allow sin, and having become slaves of God,
acknowledge our sins. Remember King Christ to transform us through the you have your fruit to holiness, and the
Davids example of repentance. For I power of the Holy Spirit, the renew- end, everlasting life (Romans 6:22). UN
acknowledge my transgressions, and my ing of our mind (Romans 12:2). Sinful John Cafourek is pastor of the Salem,
sin is always before me (Psalm 51:3). habits must be rooted out and replaced Oregon, United Church of God congrega-
The next step involves changing direc- with habits of obedience to God. As tion and has a masters degree in psycho-
tion in our life, turning away from sin Paul expressed it, And having been set logical counseling. BT