August 08 2011 | Last updated less than one minute ago

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Help your child grow into the best person he can

be, with these important life lessons
By Alice Haine, Contributor, Aquarius
Published: 00:00 August 1, 2011

Image Credit: Getty Images

Help your child learn how to share
by teaching by example.

Parenthood is a long and sometimes arduous journey

that presents new challenges at every stage of a child's
development. And while learning to handle all the hurdles
your child will face is virtually impossible, there's no
reason why you can't identify the milestones that are
really important. Whether it's encouraging your toddler to
share his toys, helping your ten-year-old make healthy
diet choices or educating your teenager about saving
money, here are some of key lessons your child needs
to learn in his main developmental stages.

TODDLER

1. To listen
Toddlers aren't the greatest listeners but there are a few
tricks you can use to help them pay attention. Firstly, get
down to their level by squatting down or picking them up
so that you can look them in the eye. Be clear, concise
and to the point - a toddler won't respond to a long-
winded explanation about why they should do something
- and reinforce your message by giving other signals to
make your point. For example, if it's bedtime, coincide
that message with dimming the lights or getting their
favourite book out.

2. To share
The best way to stop your child from screaming mine'
every time another child plays with one of their toys is to
teach by example. Offer them a slice of an apple you are
eating, or a chance to help you with a task such as
baking a cake or putting the washing out and use the
word share' when you invite them to join you. When your
child offers to share something with you or another child,
praise him so that he associates sharing with something
positive. But remember, they do not have to share
everything. So if they are particularly attached to a certain
toy, encourage them to put it away in a safe place before
their playmate comes around, to avoid any conflict.

3. To think about others

It's never too early to encourage your child to think about
others, says Dubai-based psychologist Devika Singh.
"Real-world examples can be used to provide teachable
moments for children, by relating a child's personal
experience with another child's experience," she
explains. "For example, say remember when your
favourite toy train broke and you were sad, that's how
Josh feels right now after he lost his tennis set.'"

4. To say please and thank you

There's no reason why please' and thank you' shouldn't
be among the first words your child learns to say. Use
these words when they are babies and when they start to
mimic what you say. Encourage them to say please
every time they ask for something. By keeping the
instructions light and simple, and repeating it often, you
will give them an early introduction to good manners - a
social grace that will serve them their entire life.

5. To swim
While expecting a two or three-year-old to be able to
swim may be a tall order, they are at the stage where
they have enough coordination to start learning. Take
simple steps such as teaching them how to climb
correctly out of a swimming pool, blowing bubbles or
putting their face in the water and encouraging them to
kick. According to Dr Zainab Malik, specialist
paediatrician at City Hospital in Dubai, children as young
as four months old can be exposed to water, as long as
their vaccinations are complete. There are lots of
classes tailored to mothers and toddlers. "Swimming is a
great form of exercise, and perfect for the summer,"
says Dr Malik.

FIVE-YEAR-OLD

6. Table manners
One of the best ways to instil good table etiquette in your
child is to sit down at the table for a meal with them as
often as you can, to set the right example. Practise skills
such as passing food by asking for something rather
than reaching across the table, eating with the mouth
closed, using utensils correctly and sitting straight and
remaining seated until everyone has finished their meal.

7. To read
While reading ability differs from child to child, it's not
just a school's responsibility to teach your child to read.
Read books with your child from the moment they can sit
up, and once they start school, help them along by
learning the methods their teacher is using. Then set
aside a period of time every day after school, when they
are not tired, hungry or upset, or you are not in a hurry, to
read their school books with them. Finally, buy ability-
appropriate books not on the curriculum so that they do
not associate reading only with school.

8. To express themselves
By the age of five, children can be encouraged to
describe events and feelings in more detail than a
toddler can. According to Devika, this helps them
communicate beyond simple requests. "To develop
these expressive abilities, use words to help them
describe events and how they feel in as much detail as
possible. Try to build your child's feelings vocabulary by
using feeling words frequently in your conversations with
your child," she says.

9. To tie their shoelaces

While most children's shoes come with Velcro, it's also
important to buy a pair of lace-up shoes to train your
child with, because it lays the groundwork for knot and
bow tying. To ensure they do not get anxious about
learning this new skill, make sure they know left from
right and choose one method of lacing and stick to it.
Finally, sit next to your child and not across from them -
so they can copy your movements rather than try to
mirror them.

10. To be honest
All kids lie, but sometimes they are just blurring the line
between truth and fantasy. While that is fine in some
instances, telling an outright lie isn't. Remember one of
the key reasons a child refuses to admit a wrongdoing is
when they wish someone else had done it, so ask them:
Do you wish that had happened?' and when they say
yes, give them a cuddle to acknowledge they have told
the truth. Then encourage them to put that wrongdoing
right by apologising if they have hurt another child or
helping you to clean up a mess they have made. If the lie
continues, look them in the eye to try to read their body
language, or, if there are other people in the room, step
outside so you can talk on a one-to-one basis.

TEN-YEAR-OLD

11. To stand up for themselves

At this age, children can be encouraged to develop
assertiveness skills to be able to set physical and
emotional boundaries with their peers and other adults if
necessary. "To teach children to say no, and coach them
on effective ways to do this, be as specific as possible
and role-play sample situations to help them retrieve the
skills when they need them most," says Devika.

12. To keep fit

With 12 per cent of children in the UAE overweight and
22 per cent at risk of becoming obese, it's vital to ensure
your child is exercising regularly. But rather than enrolling
them on an exercise boot-camp, choose exercise such
as swimming, cycling or playing football that you can do
together as a family. "If they are active at a young age
and see parents doing the same thing, they will learn to
include exercise into their routine throughout their life,"
says Dr Malik.

13. To give back to others

Whether it's getting involved in a beach clean-up, doing
a sponsored walk or collecting clothes for charity, giving
up their time to help others is an important part of
growing up because it teaches children to be less selfish
and think of others. "Children should be encouraged to
participate in deeds that benefit the greater good. It will
set the stage for a more involved individual later on in
life," says Lola Lopez, founder of Volunteer in Dubai.

14. To value what they have

By the time they are ten, you could be facing endless
demands for material things their friends have, that they
have seen on TV or in the shops. "Parents who give their
child everything they want, are eventually doing them a
disservice as it takes away the incentive to be self
reliant," says Daniel Britton, author of The Financial
Fairy Tales (AuthorHouse). Britton suggests explaining
what money is, where it comes from and why some
people have more than others. He adds, "Set an
example by saving yourself; use a jar kept in a highly
visible place. Then perhaps make an event of counting
the coins when full and taking to the bank. And avoid
negative language around money - describing people as
filthy rich', or using limiting statements such as money
doesn't grow on trees', can create negative
associations."

15. To eat healthily

By the time they are ten, children will be making more
decisions about what they eat, so you have to ensure
that they are making the right choices. "We don't want to
put children on diets because it can deprive them of the
nutrients they need, particularly if a parent chooses a diet
that is more suitable for an adult," says Dr Malik. "The
best way to teach healthy eating is to lead by example.
If, as a parent, you are eating healthily, buying healthy
groceries and not eating at fast food joints frequently -
then that's the lesson that kids learn to mimic
themselves."

TEENAGER
16. To handle puberty
During adolescence, your teen will go through a series
of physical changes that can be confusing or worrying.
From changes in body shape to hormones, acne and a
whole host of other horrors, the early teen years can be
tough. All you can do as a parent is respect their need
for privacy, be accessible for conversation at any time
and know when to back off. You can also be proactive by
encouraging your teenager to lead a healthy lifestyle,
develop strategies to control mood swings and help
them realise that what is happening is completely
normal. And don't be afraid to sit down and talk about
puberty before it comes - they may have already learned
about it at school or talked to friends. But accurate
information, however embarrassing it may be, will aid
them through the process.

17. Not to answer back

If you want to stop the back chat, you need to set the
right example in the first place. Remember it takes two
people to argue and while you may want your word to be
final, teenagers love having a good row. Set down a
series of rules such as no name calling, shouting,
swearing or slamming doors and then listen to what they
have to say. By allowing them to speak and then quietly
coming back with your argument on the issue of the day,
you will educate them in negotiation skills they can take
into the workplace at a later stage.

18. To deal with peer pressure

To help your child stand up to peer pressure, give them
responsibility to make their own decisions early on. By
giving them room to make their choices about when to
go out with their friends or what time to do their
homework, you help them feel confident in any decisions
they make, and this will help them assert themselves
when a situation arises where other youngsters are trying
to cajole them into doing something they don't want to.
Also make it clear that being different is not a bad thing
and not doing what everyone else thinks you should, is
simply a sign of independence.

19. To be financially responsible

While educating your children about the value of money
is something you can start at a very young age, the teen
years are the time to really drive the message of
financial responsibility home. "Encourage them to look
for ways of earning income, either through extra help at
home or enterprises," says Daniel. "When they start
asking for items, rather than saying no, help them come
up with ways to earn for themselves. Also start
introducing the idea of budgeting." According to Lama
Kabbani, corporate communications manager, Visa
CEMEA, "The most fundamental thing a parent can do to
help their children get to grips with money is to help them
understand the value of creating a budget. We have a
really simple budget guide on our website
(www.mymoneyskills.me) which will show parents how to
teach their children this valuable life-skill."

20. To balance their lives

Teens tend to struggle the most with striking a balance
between academic responsibilities and recreation, says
Devika. "Help them map out their time on a pie chart if
necessary, so the details of their day or week become
visually available to them," she says. As most teens
strive to find a sense of independence from their
parents, help them try to achieve this by following their
own ideas rather than yield to others'.