In Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?

, Troy asks about how to word your requests such

that they stand the highest likelihood of success with the lowest likelihood of rejection. He says:

The right way shows consideration and gives a command at the same time. So in the
right way Id ask you Chase: Id like to see an article on giving commands (and words
to use) while showing consideration for the other person to up your chance of getting a
YES! Ive had trouble giving commands to people that give them a way out but also
make them more likely to go with my request. Thanks!

First off, youll never get everyone to say yes to all your requests, all of the time. If you ask
someone to buy you a new car, unless its one of your parents or a fairly wealthy and extremely
generous lover, youre probably not going to get a yes to that.

However, what I can show you is how to word your requests in such a way that even if the other
person does not comply, its not really a rejection and stacks up little or no negative compliance
against you... and, I can show you how to escalate your compliance requests so that you stand the
best possible chance to get a yes to whatever you may be asking.

The first set of tips Ill give you is on understanding when to use what forms of compliance.

As Troy stated earlier in that same comment of his:

Wrong way to asking for something: I WANT a date with you today!

Right way: Id like to take you on a date soon if youre not completely opposed to that
idea!

Now, there are situations in which you can get a way with point-blank saying to a woman that
you want a date with her right now, and well talk about those below. But for the most part, yes,
 like Troy notes theres a way to ask for something thats usually going to work, and a way to
ask for something that usually isnt going to work.

How do you determine whats liable to work and what isnt? Its mostly down to two things:

1. A given persons compliance precedent with you, and

2. The vibe youve established between her and you

Well take a closer look at each.

Compliance Precedent
Im differentiating compliance from investment here, because for the purposes of this article,
its an important distinction. When a girl invests in you, shes increasing her commitment to you,
raising her attraction to you, and moving things further down the path toward the two of you
becoming lovers or partners.

Compliance is but one form of investment; however, its a form of investment that stems from
requests and commands originating from you.

If a girl buys you a beer without your asking, thats (very good!) investment, but its not
compliance

If a girl buys you a beer at your request, thats compliance with your request, and investment in
you

Which of these is superior? For the experienced seducer, Id argue the first one is far superior: if
your game and fundamentals are at a place where women proactively auto-invest in you, you
dont really need to get much compliance actively with a girl to help things reach the point where
the two of you find yourself in bed together, since your game has evolved to handle this on its
own (e.g., deep diving has loads of built-in compliance, as does chase framing andsexual
framing, etc.). Attraction builds naturally, transitions happen seamlessly, and everything ties
together nicely.

Conversely, if youre beginner- or intermediate-level with women, more compliance is usually

better. It feels somewhat less natural than if the girl is so enamored with you and feels such
a value imbalance with you (without feeling like you are unattainable) that she just begins
investing in you of her own accord / own sense of obligation, but once you get a woman in the
habit of following your lead, it becomes increasingly easy to make more and more blatant
commands and requests and have them be met. When youre not adept yet at using social
pressure to have women do what you want them to do without you even having to say it, you
 need to spell it out for women and explicitly lead them, and where thats the case you benefit
much from compliance thats been escalated quite high.

Put simply, unless youre already very good with women, or even if you are but youre having an
off day, you benefit tremendously from well-establishedcompliance precedent.

Whys that? Because you must lead women to go along with you, often somewhat against their
own resistances, friends wishes, environmental obstacles, and the like.

If you want examples of how effective using compliance precedent is at driving future
compliance, and how better to establish this precedent, see these articles:

Compliance Stacking
The Yes-Ladder and Getting Women to Say Yes
How to Use Compliance Tests to Move Fast with Girls

The essence of compliance precedent-building is, the more compliance youve built with a girl,
the easier it is to ask for greater levels of investment from her in the immediate future.

By building up a rapid history of asking her to comply and receiving her compliance, you
accustom her to investing in you at your request, and lower her walls to future (and greater)
requests.

For this reason, you wouldnt ask a girl to ditch her friends and come home with you after asking
for zero compliance from her (unless youre very good at picking timing/phrasing/vibe, and shes
invested heavily in you on her own and clearly is into you). However, you would ask her this
after an hour of continually upping her compliance with your requests, from the simple to the
involved.

Vibe and Compliance

Whats the difference between a wild, crazy, excited vibe and a mellow, sexy, seductive
one? The sorts of compliance you can ask for and get away with.

A good rule of thumb is that, given equal amounts of sexual tension:

A high energy vibe lets you get away with bolder, crazier things BUT has a much shorter half
life, while

A low energy vibe demands you be more subtle and suave, BUT has a far longer half life
 So, if you can say to a girl, Lets go on a date RIGHT NOW, and youre already in a high
energy state, and shes in a high energy state, and you lead her right out of there and keep the
mood buzzing with energy as you head to your selected date location, this can work.

Alternately, if youre not in a high energy state when you say it, or shes not in a high energy
state when you say it, or youre unable to maintain a high energy state through the transition (e.g.,
if she has to follow you somewhere in her own car driving separately, or if its a long walk to get
where you want to get to and you dont have that much conversation to share), shes going to say
no or things are going to fall apart mid-transition.

Therefore, when youre trying to decide what wording to use, the consideration always must be:

1. Is she high energy (or, conversely, very interested in you)? and

2. Are you high energy? and
3. Will you be able to transition to the next phase immediately? or
4. If not (e.g., theres some commute time), will you be able to maintain high energy throughout the
transition?

If you can say yes to both of the first two and one of the second two of these, you can be as
bold as a brass and not worry about a thing.

If you say no to either of the first two, or both of the second two, you must err on the side of
subtlety and nuance.

What Happens When Your Request is Off?

Say, you ask a girl to go buy you a drink when youve been sitting and talking to her for 10
minutes without getting a mote of compliance out of her, or you tell a girl, I want you to come
and have an ice cream with me RIGHT NOW! when youre low energy or shes low energy (and
not super interested)?

What happens is, you get a firm NO, and accrue negative compliance.

Whats negative compliance? Simple: bad precedent.

Its her shooting you down clearly and unequivocally, and registering in her mind (and yours)
that shes done so. And what that means is that the next time you go for compliance, youre a lot
more likely to get a no than you would with a girl who was equally interested in you and in an
equal stage of the interaction whom you did not have that bad past precedent with.
 But, lets say youre not an expert at timing, compliance escalation, and vibe just yet. How do
you avoid racking up negative compliance and shooting yourself in the foot?

Thats what the next part of this article is for.

Of course by now you realize that the right words depend entirely on the precedent youve set
and the vibe you have going on.

So, here, were going to break this section down into two parts:

1. The right words for non-bold occasions

2. The right words for bold occasions

The Right Words for Non-Bold Situations

Most of the requests you will make (even if youre a high energy individual naturally... most
people youll meet wont be high energy and spontaneous when you meet them) are going to be
in non-bold situations, where you cant just say whatever you want and have it work perfectly
(unfortunately).

This means youll need a bit more tact and social grace.

Out, then, are things like, Lets go to my place.

So too are things like, Mind telling your friends to leave us alone?

Instead, you must give women an out. That means you either:

Dont state things explicitly. Rather than say, Lets go have sex, youd say, Lets eat
popcorn and watch a movie. Thus, she maintains plausible deniability I didnt know THAT was
going to happen!
 or:

Help her to save face. If youre asking her to do something that potentially threatens her
image of herself (e.g., asking her to pay for drinks, when men usually pay for her drinks for her),
you can help her to save face by using a value-offering follow up comment: If you get this
round, Ill get the next one. Then instead of you purely asking for something, youre asking for
and then providing something of equivalent value.

or:

Command her question-style. As discussed and demonstrated in Tactics Tuesdays:

Command Women (and Have Them Listen), its very possible to command women with
bold-ish commands in non-bold scenarios so long as the command you employ is coupled with a
question-like tone; for instance: Hand me that glass?

I wont do examples on question-style commands, since we already have an article devoted to

that, but here are examples on not being overly explicit:

Step over here so were not getting run over (not explicit) instead of Step over here so I can
get to know you better (explicit)

Lets have a seat before all the places to sit down get snapped up (not explicit) instead
of Lets have a seat so we can sit and talk (explicit)

Thats interesting... whats the story behind that? (not explicit) instead ofTell me about
yourself (explicit)

Hey, Ill be over by the counter... come join me when youre ready (not explicit) instead
of Im going over there come with me (explicit)

We should totally meet up and grab some food or a drink later this week or
next (not overly explicit) instead of Lets go out this week (explicit)

Again explicit can and does work, under the right conditions (bold situations). Well get to
those in just a moment, so if youre thinking, But I LOVE being explicit!, never fear.

The key takeaway with non-explicit vs. explicit is that non-explicit requests have a non-us
reason (so were not getting run over, before all the seats are taken, etc.) or relate
directly to something in the conversation, whereas explicit requests are all about the two of
you, and have little or nothing to relate directly back to in conversation (i.e., theyre out of
thin air).

Now, some examples on helping women save face with your requests:
 Stay and sit with me for five minutes, then if you still want to leave you can leave instead
of Dont go; stay and sit with me for five minutes

May I try that? You can have a bite of my sandwich too, if you like instead of May I try
that?

Here, come sit with me Ill make a little more room for you instead ofHere, come sit with
me

Let me see your hand I know a thing or two about palm reading instead ofLet me see your
hand

Dont worry about your friends if they give you flack later, you can tell them I kidnapped
you instead of Dont worry about your friends

As with explicit, the non-face-saving requests here can work, and when used effectively are
even more powerful than the ones that help a woman save face (because she is submitting directly
to your will when she complies with them). However, most of the time, youre better served with
requests that allow a woman to save face.

The key thing to note here is that face-saving requests follow up the request with some
offering of value to the girl in exchange for the compliance so, rather than submitting, she
simply feels as though shes trading value for value, when in fact she is helping to further the
interaction the two of you are having.

The nice thing about rejections to requests like these is that theyre not really rejections
of the request itself they are, rather, rejections of the reasoning or the value offering. e.g., if
she says no, she is rejecting a palm reading or a bite of your sandwich, not necessarily the
compliance youve asked for. You can still say, Okay, well, let me see it anyway, or insist
otherwise, or you can shrug and move on with the conversation and pretend it didnt happen, and
the impact is minimal. (with the question-style command, even though youre not offering value,
youll almost never get a girl saying no when properly toned, presuming youre not asking for
anything completely ridiculous)

The Right Words for Bold Situations

In bold situations anything goes!

Great, right?
 Well... almost anything. Correction: bold anythings. If you go too much out of your way taking a
questioning tone, helping women save face, or removing us reasoning in bold scenarios, you
can actually turn women off and scare them away.

For instance, if a girl is very into you, and youre clearly high energy, and shes just waiting for
you to escalate things, and you... tell her, Lets move over here so we dont get run over, it
feels to her as if you dont realize how into you she is (or, maybe youre just not that
confident).

As a result, her interest wanes, excitement dwindles, and the mood is shot.

Therefore, in bold situations, you must be bold.

Just like in non-bold situations, you must not be too bold... yet. Until the situation becomes a bold
situation.

Confused? Yeah, this is the hard part.

The only way to know which call is the right call when youre an absolute beginner is by running
through that checklist from above:

1. Is she high energy (or, conversely, very interested in you)? and

2. Are you high energy? and
3. Will you be able to transition to the next phase immediately? or
4. If not (e.g., theres some commute time), will you be able to maintain high energy throughout the
transition?

However, this is something that sufficient social calibration takes care of on its own without
needing to resort to a conscious checklist once youve approached enough women. Before you
get there though, youll just have to use the checklist.

How to Word Your Requests Recap

Getting your requests right allows you to skirt or completely avoid rejection altogether, while
ramping up the level of compliance you get from women higher and higher. It allows you to keep
the momentum rolling whether a girl isvery into you (usually a time to go bold) or just mildly
intrigued (time to be a little more judicious in how you word your requests).

Just bear in mind that you want to avoid negative compliance at all costs while continuing to
escalate compliance, assuming you arent both very skilled and not off your game on a given
outing, and match your request to the vibe (high energy vs. low energy).
 If shes low energy / not super interested, or youre low energy, and neither will you be able to
transition immediately nor will you be able to maintain high energy throughout a transition, then
youll use a non-bold request format like one of the following:

1. Requesting non-explicitly
2. Helping her to save face
3. Commanding her question-style

... and, if she is high energy (or very into you), youre high energy, and you can either transition
very quickly or maintain the energy level throughout the transition, then its time for you to pull
out your bold compliance, because anything else will be disappointing.

If this seems like a lot, just focus on getting the non-bold compliance requests down for
now theyre not that complicated and trust that with time and meeting enough women, youll
lose some girls from failing to bold when boldness is called for and will kick yourself over them
enough that youll become a lot more sensitive to when its time to be bold and when its time to
scale back.

In the seductions of every man, there comes a time when his woman begins to object. What are
you doing? shell say. I dont think we should be doing this. We cant do this, its too soon.
We cant do this, were friends.

Most of the time, this stops men cold, freezing them in their tracks with no recourse and no idea
what to say or do. Crap, the guy thinks. Shes protesting. What do I do now?? So, rather than
take uncertain action with uncertain effects, he does nothing, and nothing happens, and the girl
leaves. The seduction is forfeit, and he has lost his girl.

But objections dont have to mark the end of a seduction. In fact, you can actually use
objections to make a girl want you more, and make her more certain that youre the man
for her. And it all ties back to some psychological basics to understand why.

Getting Objections is a Good Thing

Late in the year 2001, after Id graduated from high school, my boss at the tire store I worked for
plucked me from the back of the shop to have me be more than a simple grunt working on cars,
and started sending me to sales training. Sales training was great for me; at a time I still struggled
mightily with people, it gave me some tools to use in all kinds of situations that extended outside
of sales.
One of the most important lessons I took away from my sales training that year was about
addressing objections. Most people, my sales instructor said, cringe when they get an
objection. They shut down and stutter and stammer and they lose the sale. But not us.
We love objections. Know why? None of us did. We love objections because, he continued,
objections give us the chance to sell the customer on the product further.

He explained that when a customer raised an objection, that wasnt a problem it was an
opportunity. An opportunity to talk more about the product. An opportunity to showcase more of
its features and explain more of its benefits. An opportunity to bring the customer one step farther
from no and one step closer to yes.

Objections tell you shes thinking about it. Objections mean shes on the fence. If shes made up
her mind and decided she wants you she says yes, if shes made up her mind and decided she
isnt interested she simply leaves. If shes resisting but staying put though that girl, you
know shes still trying to decide.

And thats where a lot of guys mess up. They think because the girl is objecting, that shes
already decided she isnt interested in them. But thats not what it means. Objections mean shes
looking to you for more information; she needs to know more to make her decision.

If you were in my store in 2004 once Id become one of the top salesman in the region and I was
showing you the Goodyear Assurance TripleTred, and Id already explained that this was the best
tire on the market, had the best wet weather traction, the best snow and ice traction, the
smoothest, quietest ride,and it was cheaper than the leading Michelin MXV4 Plus, and we could
get those tires on for you right now and have you out and finished in thirty minutes or wed give
you thirty dollars off the total price, and you raised the objection that they cost too much, I
wouldnt hang my head, give up, and sell you some piece-of-crap, dirt cheap Superides instead.

Nope. Id explain to you that yes, tires are a bit of an investment, but thats because thats exactly
what they are an investment. An investment in your enjoyment of your ride. An investment in
your vehicle. And an investment in your safety. And then Id tell you about our 30 day, 300 mile
guarantee, and that you could try these tires out for that period and bring them back if you
werent happy and exchange them for something else, no questions asked. And customers would
almost always say yes to this, and once the tires were on a car, no one ever brought them back.

The thing is, you cant sell yourself exactly the same way youd sell a product. If you stand there
and list all your great features and how theyll benefit the girl youre wooing, shes going to be
turned off at the pomposity of it all and want nothing to do with you. But you definitely can use
objections as an opportunity to sell a girl further on you. You just need to address objections
women have about you a little differently than you would address objections a woman has about
a product.
 In this post, were going to discuss three different methods for disarming womens objections:

The Hard Push,

Throwing Back the Objection, and
Forcing Decisions

The Hard Push

The sales technique I demonstrated in above in talking about selling tires is called a push. This
is when you logically list out information and rationale for why a buyer should buy, then ask or
tell her to buy.

We talked about the hard push before in Dont Let Her Go, primarily about how to turn
around situations where a girl is walking away or prepared to leave you, as well as in Persist in
Your Insistence. You can use the hard push in all kinds of instances, from opening to closing.

The way the hard push works, basically, is like this: a girl states her reluctance to do something,
or her outright refusal, and begins to withdraw or walk away. You then insist, calmly, gently, but
firmly and invitingly, that she not leave and instead come with you. Heres an example:

Girl: [getting up to leave] Im going to head back to my friends.

You: Sit with me a few more minutes.

Girl: I have to go. Theyre probably worried about me!

You: Sit a few more minutes, then you can go. If theyre worried, theyll give you a call.

Girl: But theyre probably wondering where I am!

You: Another three minutes of missing you isnt going to kill them. Sit back down.

All this is said in a very warm, calm, friendly, inviting tone, with a warm, sexy smile. If done
right, women will almost always comply.

Youre in a push situation if inaction will lead to you losing the girl. That is, if she isnt
opening properly and will not talk to you without a push, or if shes leaving you and will be gone
without a push, or if she isnt planning to come with you and youll lose her without a push, or if
youre demanding compliance and itll set very bad precedent that leads to her losing interest in
you without a push. When youre in the do-or-die moment where youre about to lose a girl,
using the hard push can oftentimes change the course of a seduction.
 Throwing Back the Objection
Not every situation is do-or-die, though. What do you do when a woman objects to you, but she
isnt about to leave? For instance, when youre sitting on a couch with a girl and she says, We
shouldnt do this, were friends and it wouldnt be right, or when youre lying in bed together
and youre physically escalating and she says, Its too soon, I dont think we should do this
what do you do then?

In situations like that, you can use something I call throwing back the objection. Its a very
simple but very powerful response to objections like this. The only things you need to pull it off
are:

The ability to be a little bit of a wiseass, in a warm and sexy way, and
The ability to ask questions.

All you do with this one is, when you get an objection, you turn on the charm and then toss the
objection back to the girl. Looks like this:

Girl: We shouldnt do this.

You: Oh, what should we do?

Said with a smile and a wink of course. Heres another example:

Girl: I dont know if we should do this.

You: Yeah, of course not. We should totally get up and go play a game of checkers.

One more, this one a longer example:

Girl: I dont think we should move too fast.

You: Oh, really? How fast should we move then?

Girl: I dont know! Just not this fast!

You: Right, of course not. Because moving this fast would be terrible. We should probably wait a
few weeks or something.

After you throw these objections back at the girl, you then pause and stare at her for a moment,
then pick up where you left off with your escalation. This is especially potent when youre getting
last minute resistance (LMR), or really any kind of resistance where the girl is already in a
 position where shes more or less entrenched with you and is just having some final reservations
before taking the plunge.

Why does throwing back the objection work so well? Two reasons, basically:

1. Youre short-circuiting her logic, and

2. Youre demonstrating a lot of attractive, powerful qualities.

The we shouldnt do this objective isnt actually based out of any kind of logic, and when
you ask a girl, What should we be doing? shes unable to come up with a satisfactory
answer, and then mentally accepts that maybe youshould be doing what youre doing. Similarly,
when you use a silly alternative, like, So you think we should stop and go play Monopoly?
shes forced to accept that what shes doing with you is a lot more enjoyable than a game of
Monopoly, and thus becomes far more inclined to accept your advances.

And, when you respond in a calm, confident, sexy way, you display all the primary
characteristics that shes looking for in a man, and in particular, in the type of man shell
go to bed with quickly. She realizes you arent going to back down so easily, and that makes her
feel more comfortable both that you believe what youre doing is right, and that youre the kind
of man she should be together with.

Forcing Decisions
Theres one final tactic you can use for addressing womens objections: forcing a decision. This
ones best when you have a girl whos on the fence, and youre relatively sure likes you, but shes
absolutely not budging no matter what you do and youre at the end of your wits. Rather than
give up or go crazy, you force her to decide then and there how shell proceed.

So, if youre trying to get a girl to go sit with you, and shes absolutely refusing or being flighty
or saying, But my friends and complaining that she cant leave them, you should know
already that if she doesnt move with you, the interaction is dead. So since youve nothing to
lose, you might as well try to force a decision regardless, and that looks like this:

Girl: Im sorry, I cant, I really cant leave my friends

You: Look, I like you. I think youre cool people, and I enjoy talking to you. Im going to go sit
down over there now; so whats it going to be are you going to let me walk away, possibly
forever, or are you going to come?

You might get a no, but you also might get a yes. Ive had this work a surprising number of
times with girls who were hard cases and refusing to do what I wanted them to do. By putting
 them there in the moment and forcing them to make a decision though, you force them to crunch
some numbers in their heads and decide: do I like this guy enough to go do what he wants to do
instead of what I thought I wanted to do? Or not really?

Note that theres a distinct structure to how you structure your decision push. These parts are all
necessary:

A qualifying statement,
What youre going to do,
The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you, and
Asking her to make a decision.

The qualifying statement is the, Look, I like you. I think youre cool people, and I enjoy
talking to you, part of the above. Its where you help her understand why you want to keep
spending time with her.

What youre going to do is where you make it clear to her what the next step is to be.

The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you (Im going to go sit down
over there youre walking away from her; Are you going to let me walk away, possibly
forever? she may never see you again if she lets you walk away) forces her to judge whether
she cares enough about pursuing things with you further to sideline other things in her life or find
a way to make things happen with you.

Asking her to make a decision is, of course, how you get a decision out of her on the spot.
Thats the forcing a decision part of forcing a decision.

Do this right and it can be quite effective. One more example this one with a girl youve been
struggling mightily with during physical escalation in bed:

Girl: I just dont think we should do this.

You: All right, stop, look. I like you. I think youre really cool people. Im really glad were
together right now. I dont know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that if we dont get
together now, we probably never get together because thats just how things usually end up. So, I
guess, what Im asking is do you want me or not?

You should let your voice get very soft and tender but still sexy at the end of that, because you
dont want to seem pushy. If you say it right, youll almost always get a, Yes, I want you, to it.

Then you respond with: Then lets be together. And then there, youre done.

~~~~~~~~~~
 Those are your tools for addressing objections, and theyre all quite powerful. Again, theyre:

The Hard Push,

Throwing Back the Objection, and
Forcing Decisions.

Use these well and youll come to start relishing objections as you begin to see to really see
that objections are not rejections. Theyre just requests for a little more help deciding from a
girl whos about to dive in head first. So dont be afraid of objections theyre a good thing to
get. Use them, instead, to help you and the girl you like get together.

One of the habits women have that can be frightfully frustrating for men is asking them to give
reasons on the most difficult of subjects. You know, when a man says, Hey, lets go do this, or,
Personally, I like XYZ better, and the woman looks at him quizzically and says, Why?

Until you get your reasons down, this can be one of those damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-
dont scenarios.

Consider the following scenario and a couple of different possible responses: a man meets a
woman at a bar and invites her home with him. She asks him why. A few of the more common
responses:

Man is caught off-guard:

Well, um, because I think it would be fun for us to hang out and stuff.
Womans reaction? Shes probably not going with him.

Man is straightforwardly honest:

Because I want to get together with you.
Womans reaction? Shes also probably not going with him.

Man is evasive:
Come with me and youll see.
Womans reaction? Shell insist on him telling her why, then probably, not going with him.

Like I said. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. So how to you respond to those eleventh
hour why questions? Lets first look at the donts, then well have a look at the dos.
What to Avoid
Lots of guys tend to respond to questions logically, with lots of facts and evidence and
persuasions to back things up and make their cases sturdy. The male form of arguing and
persuading is to basically bludgeon the other person with so much information in favor of his
case that he or she simply accepts the argument.

Women dont respond to this, though.

Actually, it freaks them out a little bit, because they feel like instead of getting an honest answer,
they have a guy trying to convince them and cajole them. Funny thing about talk to girls: when
women ask you a question, they dont care so much about the words you say as they do the
sentiment you convey with those words. So, guy runs on listing facts and rationale about why a
woman should come grab a coffee with him? She interprets that as him not being confident
enough that shell join him just for him and needs to be convinced. So,the very act of trying to
convince a woman un-convinces her.

Convincing, then, is something we want to very much avoid trying to do. Its counterproductive.
So, take arguing, presenting logical, thoughtful cases on answering Why? and all that stuff, and
toss it in the trash heap, you wont be needing it.

One that ought to go without saying is whining or complaining back or getting flustered. Look at
this scenario:

Man: Come sit with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Why are you being so difficult?

Its easy to fall into the trap of getting a little exasperated when a woman seems to be making
things harder than they should be, but throwing a little exasperation in her direction is certainly
not the path to a successful seduction. Women are attracted to strong, powerful men who are in
control of their lives and situation not men who whine and complain and mope about searching
for answers. Leave any pleas for clarity (or anything else) by the wayside those things are
for softer men, not for strong, sexual men like you are or you aim to be.

Another thing to avoid stalling. This is where a woman blindsides you with a question you
werent prepared for, and while you try and think up a response, you do a little stalling to buy
yourself time, like this:
 Man: Come sit with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Um, uh, what do you mean why?

Woman: Why do you want to sit?

Man: Like, why do I want to sit over there?

Woman: Yes! Why do you want to sit over there?

Man: Oh, um, because my feet are getting tired.

Sounds horrible, right? Yeah, dont do that. No stalling.

One other thing that we can see looking at that same example: dont talk about yourself. The
guy in the example above lists a reason for why a woman should do something that has absolutely
nothing to do with her whatsoever (his feet hurt). Shes just met him, isnt committed to him in
any sense of the word, and still has a number of reservations about him what are the chances
shell do something because it benefits him in some way? Not very high, thats what.

Wrapping up, our things to avoid shake out to be:

Longwinded, logic-based and information-packed reasons, arguments, and convincing

Whining, complaining, or seeking clarity
Stalling
Talking about the benefit to yourself instead of her

How to Give Your Reasons

One of the ways youre going to get your reasons down that theres simply no shortcut for is
experience. In other words, once youve been in the situation enough times where youve asked a
woman to join you for lunch, and she asks you why, the question will stop being a surprise and
youll have a pretty good idea how you want to respond to it.

But, there are a number of things you can do to improve your ability to respond to Why?
questions in general heres what they are:

Be concise and direct

 Give more than one reason
Be intriguing
Make your reasons about her

Sounds simple enough, right?

Being concise and direct is all about getting your point across with the minimum amount of
verbiage. Theres an addendum to the Law of Least Effort Ive been meaning to write up, which
basically states that you want to be putting in the same or less effort than youre receiving, in
most cases. There are certain (pretty important) exceptions to that addendum, which is why I
ought to write an article up on it soon, but consider it as Ive stated it here for these purposes: a
woman asks you the question, Why? How much effort should you put into responding? If you
put a lot of effort in, it seems like (as noted in the section on donts above) youre trying too hard
to convince her. So your reply must be nearly as short as her question (or just as short).

Contrast:

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because theres a great show going on, and I want you to come with me, and we really
shouldnt miss it. Besides, if you stay here, just think how boring that will be.

with

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because I like you and we should get to know each other better.

or even just

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because. [takes her hand with a sly smile and starts walking]
That first response would have been perfectly okay had the guy stopped after the first sentence.
Instead, he continued trying to convince her, and in the process un-convinced her. The second
and third responses are superior to it because of their concision and simplicity.

Now, go back and take a look again at the first sentence of that first response, and take a look
again at the second response. Notice how we use multiple reasons there?

Contrast:

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because theres a great show going on.

with

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because theres a great show going on, and I want you to come with me, and we really
shouldnt miss it.

And contrast:

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because we should get to know each other better.

with

Man: Come with me.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because I like you and we should get to know each other better.

Its a fine social point, but the second version of each of those responses really doesnt convey a
whole lot more information, but each of them feels far more compelling and easier to say yes
to. And if you recall from our discussion about the Path of Least Resistance, we want to
make things as easy as possible for women. Im not exactly sure why, but when you give
someone several different reasons instead of just one, even if those reasons are the same but
simply reworded, they feel far more comfortable agreeing with what youve proposed than if you
only gave them one reason.

People are weird, huh?

Onto being intriguing. Lets say youve invited a girl to go home with you. You know you want
to get together with her; she knows you want to get together with her, and possibly, hopefully,
feels the same (although you can certainly take girls home who werent ready to get intimate with
you before, and only decide to once theyve made it back somewhere with you). But if you tell
her flat out what you want to do, it kills any anticipation, tension, or challenge,and suddenly
a lot of the fun and the mystery disappears. You have to use intrigue.

Fortunately, being intriguing with short answers is easy enough you just keep them short
enough that a girl gets a hint of your intentions, but doesnt know everything. So when the guy
says, Because I want to get together with you, intrigue is dead. Hes killed any mystery or
anticipation. But if instead he says, Because I like you and I want to talk to you more, she gets
a boost of excitement and anticipation, wondering what, exactly, is in store for her.Does he
like her a lot? Is he going to do anything? She doesnt know, and shes probably going to be more
than a little excited to find out.

Finally, you must remember to make your reasons about her herself.

Contrast:

Man: Lets sit down.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because my feet hurt.

with

Man: Lets sit down.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because well be more comfortable and we can talk more.

And contrast:
 Man: Lets have a nightcap and call it a night.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because Im getting tired and I want a relaxing drink.

with

Man: Lets have a nightcap and call it a night.

Woman: Why?

Man: Because we ought to end the evening on a good note, have a relaxing drink, and unwind a
bit before we call it a night.

A girl is far more likely to agree if your reasons are stated as being in her interest, or even better,
your mutual interest (we and us) rather than just your own. People want to know you have
their interests in mind when you propose things!

~~~~~~~~~~

If you mind those four reasons

Be concise and direct

Give more than one reason
Be intriguing
Make your reasons about her

when responding to womens Why? questions, Im confident youll start finding women a lot
more cooperative and willing to work with you on the two of you moving things forward and
getting together. Women just want to know you have their interests in mind, and arent trying too
hard to convince them of something, and they want a little excitement and anticipation along the
way. When you give them that, youll quickly find theyre happy to go along.

When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When

Not To)
The balls in your court.

You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it.
 Its a truly liberating line when youre using it right some girl you think likes you, or you
think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... youre just going
to fire that text off to her, and forget about her.

Or a girl you met somewhere social, but she isnt accompanying you: Come find me
later. Maybe she will, maybe she wont.

These can be difficult things to say, and even more difficult things to adhere to, when
youre first starting out and chasing women is second nature. Even if you manage to tell
a girl the balls in her court, you may find yourself texting her the next day anyway... or
the day after.

And the other side is sometimes true too you may find yourself shoving women off
your plate too quick and too often, not wanting to deal with the sometimes-stressful
dance that is seduction.

Perhaps that girl you told to get in touch with you later, who never did, wouldve gotten
together with you had you persisted just a little bit harder in person or over text.

Drawing the line between when to persist and when to toss the ball in her court is a
dicey call sometimes... yet it may determine the difference between you chasing after
her and still not getting her, and you flipping the script on her and getting her chasing
you.

Throwing the Ball to Her

First, the technique: hows this done again, exactly?

Well, what youre looking for before you turn the ball over to the girl are several signs:

1. Youve persisted in trying to get her to comply with you, or to get her to come out on a
date with you, but shes resisted or flaked repeatedly
2. Youve ruled out her resistance or flakiness is not because youre trying to shoehorn her
into an uncomfortable position
3. Youve made multiple different overtures and none of them have worked
In other words, it isnt just that youve said, Hey, lets go sit down! six times and shes
utterly resisted. Instead, youve tried, Hey, lets go sit, and, Lets hit the patio and get
some fresh air, and, We ought to get out of here and go somewhere more fun, and
none of them have worked.

And it isnt just that youve invited her to coffee at midday, but youve tried inviting her
out to get drinks at night, and asked her to take a walk by the beach with you when that
didnt work.

Because if you just go for one sort of invitation, like a stubborn bull, you can miss
realizing that youre getting a no not because the girl in question doesnt want to go
with you, but because she doesnt like the thing youre inviting her to do.

Not everyone likes coffee... or maybe she doesnt want to sit, maybe she wants some
guy whos just going to get her out of there, and the idea of going and sitting through
some long seduction when she wants to bounce now and get right to it is positively
deflating to her.

So, you change up your offers. You throw a few other things out there. You feel her out,
and see what sticks.

And if nothing sticks then you can throw the ball into her court.

That looks like this:

Her: ... and so I moved to Los Angeles.

You: Thats for sure a unique journey. [pause] Hey, lets grab a seat over there.

Her: Nah... Im good over here.

You: Well be much more comfortable sitting down.

Her: I was sitting all day; Id rather stand.

You: All right. Tell you what then, lets mosey on out to the patio and get a little fresh air
in that case. That way you can stay upright and we can change scenery.

Her: Im okay here I think.

You: Yeah? Well, you want to just get out of here? This place is a little dull and you dont
exactly seem riveted. We can find somewhere more fun to head to.

Her: Ill just stay here for now.

You: Okay. Well, I need a little more stimulation than propping up lazily against a bar, so
Im going to go shuffle around a bit; but come find me later when youre feeling a bit
more active.

Her: Okay.

This is basically a going nowhere fast interaction where youre starting out smooth and
progressively getting more blunt because, screw it, its not going anywhere, so might as
well toss something out there and see if she bites.

The lets get out of here line toward the end is a low-percentage shot that doesnt really
hurt you if its well worded, because she was already turning you down like nobodys
business and it was looking like nothing would come of it, so its worth just throwing out
there simply because occasionally you will get a *shrug* Okay, why not response to
this, and somehow youve snatched victory out of the jaws of defeat.

In any event, in the above scenario, when you still get a no to your final offer, you
decide to close up shop and deliver your parting shot.

You tell her the balls in her court.

And then you leave.

Maybe she finds you again later; maybe she doesnt. But either way, you arent going to
worry about it, because you will instead be busying yourself meeting other women who
arent her.
 When Youre Too Afraid to Do It
One of the things thatll happen, especially when you arent meeting a lot of women yet
or women still feel like a scarce resource to you, is you cant quite summon the
courage to tell a girl the balls in her court.

Theres really no way around this other than just forging ahead through it the first couple
of times.

Youll tell her, Okay balls in your court, a little awkwardly after shes shut down all
your efforts to get anywhere with her, then slink off in defeat. She probably wont follow
up.

But thats okay the important thing is just building the capability here.

Once youve done this a few times, youll stop stressing out about it, and itll just be a
normal thing you say and do at that stage in the interaction; then, once it ceases being
something you get a little weird about, thats when youll start having girls follow up with
you again.

If youre doing a lot of texting with girls, you might find it easiest to start doing this with
women via text message, e.g.:

1. You text her to meet up with you for coffee Tuesday evening
2. She flakes on that date the night before; something came up
3. You reschedule to hit the park with her Saturday afternoon
4. She flakes the day of; she feels a little under the weather
5. You reschedule again hookah bar Monday
6. She flakes a third time, apologetically
7. You send her a balls in your court text:

Haha, all right. Well, I know youre super busy and Im not really good at doing the
whole chase-you-down thing. So youre in charge of planning the next meet, whenever

your schedule permits just let me know a little ahead of time.

or
Hey, no worries. I think thats 3 meets Ive planned youve had to take a rain check on,
so planning for the next attempt is on you! Youre the busy one, so Im leaving that ball

in your court. Just let me know when and where once your schedule allows.

Youve really got to be able to drop the parting shot like this and walk away you cant
go and text her the next day and try to schedule another date, because that shows your
hand (youre not a guy with a lot of options... youre a guy without them. And women
like men with options).

So if youre going to tell her the balls in your court, make sure you mean it, and dont go
back on your word here.

Same with interacting in person dont tell her Come find me later and then you find
her later yourself anyway (unless its much later in the night if youre at a bar or party
and everyones been drinking; then it can be fine because youre both a little hazy and
no one remembers exactly who said what, just that the two of you got along well earlier
and meant to reconnect later).

In essence, if you tell her to do something, youre usually just going to have to wait for
her to do it.

When Youre Using It Too Liberally

The danger of this technique once youre using it is getting too comfortable with it.

Once you know how to do it, it becomes very easy to just throw out a, Okay, well, its
too early in the night for me to get rooted into one spot; come find me later! and get
moving again at the first sign of resistance, or tell a girl the balls in her court after shes
flaked on you for a date only once or twice.

If you do this though, you will leave plenty of women scratching their heads wondering
what they did or said that made you suddenly take off.

Something to keep in mind: women are carefully evaluating your exits.

 They know very well intuitively if:

Your exit was perfectly justified, because you tried everything possible to get them
investing in as smooth a way as possible, and when it became clear they simply werent
going to invest, you gracefully bowed out... or
Your exit was made too quickly, too abruptly, too suddenly, or too awkwardly, without
really feeling out if they were into you or just putting up token resistance to investing
further in you (a girl cant look too eager, now)

Men eject prematurely from interactions with women all the time in order to preserve
their egos. Its quite common its not just men learning seduction, but all kinds of guys.

They hit a rough patch in the conversation, get a little bit of declined compliance, or an
awkward pause? Theyre outta there. They just hit the eject button and bail.

This is every bit as uncomfortable for the girl as it is for the guy, because she knows
there isnt really a good reason for him doing it. Hes just doing it out of fear (of
negative social repercussions), or because he doesnt know what else to do (which can
be kind of cute when youre younger younger women are attracted to male shame
but it still doesnt advance the interaction any further).

When you catch yourself throwing out parting shots too liberally... and youll be able to
tell; it feels awkward when you leave, like youre leaving too early and jumping the gun
too much... the solution for this is simple enough:

Compel yourself to make at least one more invitation / compliance request of a

slightly different angle than youd been making.

She doesnt want to walk over to the caf across the street with you? No worries; lets
just head over to the mall then.

She flaked on the ice skating date you invited her to? No problem; propose she meet
you for pizza and beer.

Try at least one alternate option for your invitations / compliance requests.

Three (3) seems to be the sweet spot for variety; if shes flaked on three dates in a row,
or turned down three different forms of investment in a row, throw the ball in her court.
If youre doing it too early, youre probably not asking enough, and/or not varying your
requests enough to rule out her simply not wanting to do some specific thing you were
inviting her to rather than her out-and-out resisting you.

You Want Her Taking Initiative

The healthiest way to think about a parting shot balls in your court exit is that you want
to encourage her to follow up with you again (as much as possible).

Thats a big part of why that sweet spot of three (3) different requests is so important.

If you do more than that, obviously it feels like youre chasing, and youre probably not
the kind of guy she wants to follow up with.

Yet if youre doing less than three, it doesnt feel like youre making a whole heck of a lot
of effort to get her, and now if she follows up, shes going to feel like shes chasing. Most
women will shy away from this, even if they like you they dont want to risk losing face
socially.

What youre going for here in how you balance your balls in your court deals is for a
woman to feel like you put out a valiant effort to make something happen with her, but
stopped before crossing the line where it would turn into chasing. And then you walked
away but with an invitation for her to follow up with you again when she feels so
inclined.

Youre really balancing the emotions here youre not chasing after her, but
youre not investing so little in her that she feels like shes chasing if she seeks
you out or contacts you again later.

Remember: you must give a little if you want her to pursue.

Use this one right, and youll avoid the two snags men get caught up in here: using the
parting shot too much and too soon, or not using it at all.

Hit that sweet spot in how and when you use it, and youll be able to reap the rewards of
this powerful technique in your otherwise go-nowhere situations.