Semper Virilis: A Roadmap to Manhood in the 21st Century

Chapter 2: The Manhood Reserve Training Program and

Exercises
1. Increase Your Testosterone

Testosterone is the fuel that will power you along the road to manhood. Its what makes men
strong, daring, and aggressive. If you want to get the most out of the suggestions below, youll
do well by topping off your testosterone tank before you start out.

2. Build Your Physical Strength

Its easy to dismiss strength-building as brutish something bros are concerned about but not
real men.
Physical strength constitutes one of the few and most significant differences between men and
women. If the Protector role represents the core of masculinity, then physical strength forms its
very nucleus. Its the fundamental factor as to whether a man can hold his own in a fight
whether he can push back when pushed. Its thus central in how humans viscerally judge a mans
manliness. You can call it stupid or silly or archaic, but it all goes back to the way we evaluate
men could they keep the perimeter in a crisis? Though we now live in a comfortable time of
peace, that hasnt changed the fact that men and women alike (even the most progressive of
them) find men who appear physically strong and fit more respectable, authoritative, and
attractive than men who arent. Thus, if you want to feel more like a man (and be treated like
one), seek to build your body.

As Ill argue below, strength of character and virtue is vital to manhood. But are you prepared to
fight for your principles? Likewise, can you truly say youre a good family man if you could
easily be outmuscled by a bad guy trying to get at your wife and kids? Strength and virtue are not
mutually exclusive pursuits; strength is what secures our virtue onto us.

Beyond the idea of building strength for its own sake, and for its practical benefits, I think
theres a case to be made for doing so in order to fortify the mental, moral, and spiritual aspects
of your life. Just as we sometimes set up a false dichotomy between virtue and strength, so do we
too often present brains and brawn as mutually exclusive. Many great men in history, including
philosophers and men who made their living with their minds, rejected this phony divide, and
emphasized the importance of building bodily strength and mental strength. Physical strength
boosts ones mental determination, and mental strength increases physical fortitude. We would
do well to follow the ancients goal of achieving mens sana in corpore sano: a sound mind in a
sound body.

Finally, besides the practical and spiritual benefits that accrue to the physically strong, it just
feels awesome knowing you can hoist a lot of weight off the ground. The first time I deadlifted
450 lbs and saw the bar bending in the mirror, I felt like a beast. I let out a primal shout of
achievement and carried that feeling with me the rest of the week.

Not every man has the physiological make-up to get huge and ripped. But every man can become
stronger, than he is now. Whatever your other interests, no matter your build, if you want to feel
your most virile, get acquainted with the iron.

Action Steps:

Start a strength training program. The program I have long recommended for beginners and
used myself is StrongLifts 5X5. More recently I have had great success with making gains by
using the Critical Bench Program.
Purposefully incorporate more physical activity into your day-to-day life use a reel mower
instead of a gas-powered one, chop your own wood, etc.

3. Develop Your Physical Toughness

Soft lands tend to breed soft men. King Cyrus the Great
If youre already strong, the next question is, are you tough?

Even though we often conflate these attributes, theyre two different things.

Khaled Allen defines toughness as the ability to perform well regardless of circumstances. Its
being able to handle adversity without breaking down and surmounting obstacles instead of
turning back. Its about having an indomitable will, being a man whos able to take a hit and
come back for more a scrapper whos game no matter the odds. If you want to travel the
hard way, youve got to be hard!

We certainly admire toughness in women (as did primitive cultures around the world). But, a
greater degree of mental and physical toughness is expected from men. Even if it is no longer
demanded of them.

We live in a society where you practically never have to spend a single minute of your life
uncomfortable. Our day is spent going from a climate-controlled house, to a climate-controlled
car, to a climate-controlled office and back again. Ample, calorically dense food is never more
than a few feet away. We can go an entire week without a piece of our shod and clothed skin
touching a patch of dirt or brushing against a plant. Opportunities to develop your toughness are
thus something youll have to intentionally create for yourself. (Are you seeing a common theme
here?)

Toughness is a skill that can be honed like any other, and can be broken down into two aspects:
physical and mental. The two are intertwined and feed each other, but lets tackle each in turn,
beginning with physical toughness.

Allen argues that being physically tough is very different from being strong, fast, or powerful.
Physical toughness includes the ability to take abuse and keep functioning, to recover quickly, to
adapt to difficult terrain and contexts, and to tolerate adverse conditions without flagging.

Its awesome to be able to deadlift 3X your weight, but can you lift a giant, uneven rock? Its
great to be able to do pull-ups on a bar, but could you pull yourself onto a tree branch? You can
run on a treadmill, no problem. How would you do running up a rocky, root-strewn hill?
Everybody can take a hot shower can you turn the knob all the way to cold without screaming
like a little girl? How far could you backpack in a single day before crying uncle?

Work to develop your physical toughness by increasing your strength in a wide variety of
environments and boosting your tolerance to pain and discomfort.

Actions Steps:

Get out of the gym and exercise outside in a variety of environments.

Increase your temperature tolerance by working out on a hot day or venturing out on a cold one
scantily clad (always use wisdom in discerning your limits you want to push yourself, not hurt
yourself).
Take cold showers.
 Increase your mobility and flexibility.
Thicken the skin of your feet by running barefoot.
Exercise with your nasal passageways constricted.
Develop your endurance and ability to ruck over long distances.
Do a GoRuck challenge.

Further Reading:

You May Be Strong, But Are You Tough?

Get Fit Like a Wild Man
How Stress Can Be Good For You

4. Develop Your Mental/Emotional Toughness

Mentally tough men are able to stay calm, cool, and collected when things in their life big and
small go awry. They dont lose their temper or fall to pieces when faced with stress. Instead,
theyre able to maintain perspective on the problem and concentrate on how to solve it (or simply
ignore it for the insignificant annoyance that it is). They follow the wise way of the Stoics.
This aspect of the code of manhood has long been a target for feminists and cultural critics, who
argue that suppressing the open expression of feelings stunts mens emotional life and leads to
psychological and social problems.

I think this proposition comes from a well-intentioned place, but is ultimately misguided. What
these social critics and talking heads fail to understand is that its not manhood thats the
problem, but an incomplete, utterly impoverished modern idea of manhood thats at issue. The
only thing young men today know about the injunction to Be a man! is that it represents some
kind of hazy standard of tough guy machismo. We have not taught them the rich nuances that
were part of the code for thousands of years. Our manly ancient forbearers understood that its
quite possible to be stoic and cultivate a rich emotional life; the two arent mutually exclusive.
Even Victorian men, famous for their advocacy of the stiff upper lip, werent shy about crying
over sad poetry, writing highly sentimental letters to friends and lovers, and showing their male
buddies a level of physical affection that would make us moderns uncomfortable. True manly
Stoicism is not about suppressing ones feelings entirely; its rather a matter of knowing when to
turn on the toughness and when to turn it off. You dont live like a rock every day, you just have
access to that firm, steady energy, should you need it.

Thus the solution to mens supposed emotional problems is not to chuck the code of manhood,
but to double down on it! To actually teach it in its fullness.

The highly sensitive man is something people like the idea of in the abstract, but recoil from
when encountered in the flesh. People, whether they can admit it or not, want to know they can
depend on men when things get hard; even in our enlightened culture, they still inwardly
cringe at a man who falls to pieces in the face of frustration or adversity. In the midst of a
familial crisis, women want their fathers and husbands to stand strong and be able to take action.
While we dont face many physical dangers today, when they do happen, its almost invariably
left to the men to handle.

While social commentators posit that deep down, men are crying out to, well, cry, I simply
havent found that the majority of men fervently desire the freedom to disgorge their feelings at
the drop of a hat. On the contrary, I think most men very much like to feel a little emotionally
tough it gives them a sense of pride and confidence a satisfaction equal to, if not superior to,
that of being able to tear up without shame during an episode of Greys Anatomy.

Developing mental and emotional toughness offers other personal rewards as well. Big goals and
the good things in life require hard work, sacrifice, and willpower. Mental resiliency helps us
handle the little setbacks and daily annoyances that might otherwise get under our skin and
disrupt our happiness and progress.

Mental and emotional toughness can be increased by taking the steps towards physical toughness
outlined above. Purposefully creating small discomforts, inconveniences, and tests of willpower
for yourself will strengthen it as well. Anything that builds up your powers of discipline and
delayed gratification are a boon to all-around toughness. Also learn and practice ways to lower
your physiological response to stress and threats.
Action Steps:

Fast at least once a month for 24 hours.

Try writing with your non-dominant hand.
Close and put down a book when its getting very exciting and you want to keep going.
Learn how to manage your day-to-day stress.
Familiarize yourself with the warrior color code and learn how to manage stress from more
serious threats.
Know how to use tactical breathing to calm yourself.
Meditate daily.
Use biofeedback apps to boost your resiliency and take control of your physiological response to
stress.
Do exercises to strengthen your willpower.
Do exercises to increase your attention span.
Read a long book or article all the way through without stopping to surf around to other things.
Keep a strict diet 6 days a week. Make the 7th day a free day where you eat whatever you like.
Know your purpose and plan in life as Nietzsche put it, If you know the why, you can live any
how.
Understand the way your brain and body lie to you about how much push you actually have left
when you think you cant physically or emotionally go on talk to yourself about this when
youre tempted to give up.

Further Reading:

Being the Rock

Building Your Resilience Series
Be Clutch, Dont Choke: How to Thrive in High Pressure Situations
The Power and Pleasure of Delayed Gratification
Discipline: The Means to an End
Willpower: The Force of Greatness
The Kingship of Self-Control
The Majesty of Calmness
Series on Stoicism
The History of the Stiff Upper Lip

5. Learn to Fight

In this world, strength of a certain kindmatched of course with intelligence and tirelessly
developed skillsdetermines masculinity. Just as the boxer is his body, a mans masculinity is
his use of his body. But it is also his triumph over anothers use of his body. The Opponent is
always male, the Opponent is the rival for ones own masculinity, most fully and combatively
realized.Men fighting men to determine worth (i.e., masculinity) excludes women as
completely as the female experience of childbirth excludes men. -Joyce Carol Oates

Fighting and violence are at the very core of masculinity. Researchers theorize that nearly every
part of uniquely male physiology from our shoulders, to our height, to our faces and hands
evolved expressly for the purpose of man-to-man combat. Yet few male propensities have been
as maligned.

We dont want people to get hurt, we say. Male violence oppresses others. Violence is only
for the weak.

Just like masculinity as a whole, violence itself is thought to be the problem, rather than how
violence is used.

When we think about male violence, we think about rape and domestic battery. We dont think
about all the violence thats done on our behalf so we can live our safe, comfortable existence
where we never have to see two men grapple for their lives. The outsourcing and distancing of
ourselves from violence has led to the naive belief that it is possible and desirable to try to breed
this trait out of men altogether.

Instead of teaching young men: Youve got an amazing power and energy inside of you a
force that drove the Vikings and the Spartans and the Minutemen and the GIs, we teach them:
You have something wrong with you, a dark, bad drive that hurts people. Deny it. Smother it.
Exclaim that youre not like other men and reject it altogether!

Nobody likes violence until theyre sitting on a plane thats been hijacked by terrorists and its
the men who hatch a plan to take it back and kill them. Nobody likes violence until someone
breaks into their house, and a man gets up to confront the intruder. Nobody likes violence until
their freedom is at stake and they need men to storm the beaches of Normandy and run a knife
through the enemys kidneys.

As a society we have this willfully self-deluded hope that we can smother mens violent
tendencies altogether because in our current society we dont need men who can physically fight;
and if we ever do, well just cross our fingers that theyll be able to instantly turn it back on
again.

Far better would it be if we acknowledged the innate energy of violence in men, and both
reverenced its potential and cautioned against its misuse encouraging its principled cultivation
and teaching that it should be channeled towards good, moral ends to protect the weaker,
uphold our principles, and guard our way of life.

While it is often thought that encouraging men to take part in structured, controlled violence will
lead to a more violent world, the research indicates otherwise. For example, when police officers
are trained in a martial art, their use of firearms and other weapons goes down. As philosopher
Gordon Marino argues, men who do not feel easily threatened are generally less threatening.

In my experience, those who have actual experience with violence even simply within the
controlled confines of a boxing ring are most likely to say it should only be employed when
absolutely necessary. They intimately understand the unromanticized reality of violence. They
have been humbled by it. It is men who have only experienced violence vicariously through
stylized video games and movies that are prone to unleash it in a destructive, narcissistic manner.
You need not wait for society to see the wisdom in this (I wouldnt hold your breath). The
individual man has plenty of reason to cultivate his fighting spirit on his own.

Besides its necessity in being able to protect others, physical fighting can help you withstand the
mental and emotional blows that every man will experience in his life.

How much can you know about yourself if youve never been in a fight? asks Tyler Durden,
the protagonist in Fight Club. When you get in a physical fight and take that first punch in the
nose and find yourself on the mat, its in that moment you learn if youre the kind of man who
gets back up after hes been knocked down. By giving and receiving physical kicks and punches
you learn that pain is temporary and physical wounds heal. This knowledge bolsters your
confidence outside the ring as well, endowing you with mental and emotional resilience, as well
as moral fortitude.

Us moderns have a hard time accepting this idea and reconciling martial and moral virtues. We
like to keep the two in separate mental compartments or act like theyre fundamentally different.
The ancients didnt see it that way they understood that moral courage and physical courage
were of the same essence, and that testing ones physical courage on the battlefield or in the
sporting arena would in fact bolster their moral courage faster than a hundred risky intellectual
or philosophical decisions. Its telling that Aristotle compared developing the philosophical mind
to the boxer developing his physique and that the Stoics would often refer to soldiers and
wrestlers as ideals to follow.

Christian churches at the turn of the 20th century understood this connection between physical
and moral courage as well. This was another time in our history where the role of men and
masculinity was being questioned. Many churches created their own boxing gyms and leagues,
rightly sensing that building up their young mens virility in the ring would help them be all-
around better men able to live their faith more muscularly.

I find it interesting, too, that many of our greatest writers and minds were also fighters and
credited their study of martial skills to their success. Aristotles famous Lyceum also included a
wrestling school; students grappled not only with ideas, but with each other. Ernest Hemingway
boxed religiously, as did Jack London. Many modern philosophers, such as Marion, are students
of the sweet science as well.

Vivere militare est to live is to fight.

Are you prepared to live?

Action Steps:

Learn to fight. Boxing and MMA gyms abound in most cities, as do jiu-jitsu and karate dojos.
Sign-up, step into the arena, and learn to give (and take) a punch.
Learn Krav Maga.
Learn how to throw a dynamite straight punch.
Participate in amateur boxing matches.
Start your own Fight Club (look for a post on this later this month).

Further Reading:

How Fighting Develops Virtue

Developing Gameness
Developing the Warrior Spirit
What Martial Strategy Can Teach You About Getting Ahead in Life

6. Go Hunting

David D.Gilmore, author of Manhood in the Making, calls hunting the male provisioning
function par excellence because it calls upon all the elements of the code of man mastery,
skill, risk-taking, and even sexuality.

Hunting and fighting are what men are particularly evolved for, yet so few men hunt today.
Consequently, we have a society filled with men (and women!) who have neither connection to
the food they eat nor any concrete knowledge of the circle of life.
Ive talked to a few of my friends who never hunted until they were well into their thirties and
asked them about their experience. How did they feel during the hunt? What was it like when
you finally killed something? All of them said that while most of the hunt consisted of just long
stretches of sitting in nature (a benefit in and of itself!), when they finally shot something and
came upon their prey, something clicked in them. They didnt feel bad nor did the feel any
elation at killing. It just felt weirdly natural.

Action Steps:

Go hunting. Not just for game. Dress and eat whatever you kill.
Learn how to field dress a squirrel.
Learn how to field dress a rabbit.
Learn how to make a small game hunting gig.

Further Reading:

How to Get Started with Hunting

A Primer On Hunting With Dogs
7. Seek Independence, Self-Reliance, and Autonomy

Independence and autonomy have always been key parts of the ancient, universal code of
manhood.

Dependency is slavery. A man is able to stand on his own two feet and make his own choices.
He is captain of the ship of his life and master of his agency.

Independence takes a variety of forms.

First theres economic independence. While theres an argument to be made that it takes much
longer in our modern world for a young person to get out on their own these days, for the young
man with pluck and determination its still very much in the realm of possibility.

If youre in your teens and 20s, do all you can to prepare yourself to become self-reliant as soon
as possible. Learn basic life skills that will allow you to rely less and less on your parents or
others. Learn how to take care of your car and your clothing. Learn how to cook and clean up
after yourself. Learn how to make a budget and save money.
Avoid debt as much as you can and eliminate it as quickly as you can when you do acquire it.
Dont cumber yourself with consumer goods that provide little or no value and end up stifling
your mobility and options in life. As you earn more money, avoid lifestyle inflation. Practice
frugality. Live a life of simplicity.

Second, strive for independence from systems and governments. Obviously all of us rely on
government and institution-provided roads, utilities, and consumer goods. Im not saying you
need to go live off the grid on a compound. Rather, make it a goal to acquire the skills and
knowledge you would need in order to thrive even if these systems and conveniences broke
down. Modern society allows men to be careless and clueless; nature is less forgiving. Dont be
like the grasshopper in Aesops fable who dances and fiddles during the bounteous summer only
to beg for help from the industrious, forward-thinking ants when winter comes. Take survival
courses, plant a garden, learn how to hunt, store up food and water, start a fire without matches,
etc.

Third, seek autonomy in your work. This doesnt necessarily mean you have to become an
entrepreneur (though thats a great way to become autonomous). Even if you work a regular 9-5,
look for jobs that allow you greater control over your work. Youll find more satisfaction and
happiness as you do so.

Finally, seek to be mentally and emotionally autonomous, too. Avoid any addictions, as well as
attachments that fall short of that label, but still diminish your agency. Do you need drugs or
alcohol to feel okay or to have a good time? Can you go 10 minutes, an hour, a day, without
checking your phone? Can you go a week, a month, a year without porn? Do you live for the
approval of women? Do you often should on yourself? Do you read the comments on a blog
post to figure out how you should feel about it? Do you care uncomfortably much about how
many likes your Instagram pic gets? Form your own opinions, make your own decisions, be your
own man.

Its important to note that becoming totally self-reliant is neither possible nor desirable. Its a
balance no man is an island. As well discuss later, manhood was never a solitary pursuit.
Thinking you can either survive or thrive on your own is complete bullocks. Its about seeking
independence and autonomy where you can, not bunkering down all by yourself.

Action Steps:

Get out of debt.

Become an autodidact.
Learn basic life skills.
Start a garden.
Start your own business or side hustle.
Move out of your parents house.
Ask your employer for more autonomy in your work.
Do an Input Deprivation Week, and maintain your detachment from devices by taking a weekly
Tech Sabbath.
Build a bug out bag.
Create an emergency food/water/essentials supply.
 Learn survival and first aid skills.

Further Reading:

How to Become Self-Reliant

Being Your Own Man
Go Small or Go Home: In Praise of Minimalism
Beyond Sissy Resilience: On Becoming Antifragile
The Autonomous Man in an Other-Directed World
Win the War on Debt: 80 Ways to Be Frugal and Save Money

8. Become Capable and Competent

Throughout cultures and time manhood has always been about gaining cultural competence so
you can be effective. To be a man means to be skilled in as many of the tasks as possible that are
important for getting ahead in a particular society. Cultural competence is about gaining a
breadth of knowledge and proficiencies so that a man can be deft and adroit in any situation he
might find himself in. The French have a phrase that encapsulates this idea: savoir faire
(pronounced sahv-wah fair). James Bond embodies savoir faire. Teddy Roosevelt had it in
spades, and so did many of our grandfathers (I know mine did). A man with savoir faire can fix a
leaky faucet, dress sharp for a black tie event, converse with truck drivers and diplomats, and
immobilize an armed attacker. Its about being a kind of Renaissance man: smooth, smart,
handy, and resourceful.

Having savoir faire aides a man in fulfilling his role as Provider and Procreator because it makes
him more attractive not only to businesses, but also to women. Moreover, becoming capable and
competent is an important part of attaining the goal of independence and autonomy. Plus,
knowing you can confidently walk into any situation and know how to act, how to own the room,
and how to solve any problem that arises simply feels awesome.

For a man living in a modern, Western, capitalistic democracy, having cultural competence
means primarily focusing on softer skills that will allow him to excel in our modern economy
and sexual marketplace. A man needs to know how to dress well, how to carry on an engaging
conversation about a wide range of topics, how to be charismatic, how to manage information,
how to give a public speech, how to persuade others, etc. So work on developing those skills as
much as you can. While they arent called upon as much, it helps to acquire some harder skills
too how to use tools, tie knots, fire a gun, change a tire, etc. You never know when such know-
how will come in handy.

Developing savoir faire is definitely one of my favorite aspects of manhood (as you know, much
of AoM is dedicated to it!). Spending time learning about all sorts of new skills is just plain fun,
rewarding, and empowering.

Action Steps (this is just a sampling of some of our favorites for more, see pretty much the
entirety of our archives and become a subscriber!):
 Learn how to shake hands.
Learn how to be more charismatic.
Learn how to write an email that will actually get a response.
Learns the basics of etiquette.
Learn how to command a room.
Learn how to make small talk.
Learn a second language.
Learn how to tie knots.
Learn how to change a tire.

Further Reading:

How and Why to Become a Lifelong Learner

9. Gain Mastery
While having a breadth of knowledge is important, having depth in a few skills is also important.
Dont be a hyphen or dilettante. These are folks who flit around from one skill or discipline to
the next without ever becoming an expert in any of them. Theyre the jack-of-all-trades but the
master of none. To be truly effective, we need to be Mr. Ts.

T-shaped men have a breadth of knowledge, but also have deep knowledge in a specific area.
Theyre a jack-of-all-trades and a master of one (or two!).

If youve spent most of your adult life jumping from one interest to the next without
fully immersing yourself in something, make the commitment today to focus your time and
energy on gaining mastery. Its incredibly rewarding in and of itself, but it will also make you
more useful, more interesting, and more successful in your vocation.

Action Step:

I would suggest picking two areas in which to gain mastery: 1) a skill thats important to your
professional life and 2) a tactical skill thats close to the core of masculinity of fighting and
hunting marksmanship, a martial art, etc.

Further Reading:

The First Key to Mastery: Finding Your Lifes Task

Mastery: The Apprentice Phase
The Secret of Great Men: Deliberate Practice
Listen to my podcast with Robert Greene, author of Mastery

10. Take Risks and Develop Courage

The ancient Greek word for manliness is andreia; the Latin word for manliness is virtus. In both
instances, manliness=courage. The Greeks and Romans werent the only cultures to equate
courage with manliness. As Gilmore reveals in his cross-cultural analysis of masculinity, courage
has been the sin qua non of manhood in every time and place throughout all of human history.

For courage to exist, there must be risk. And so to develop our andreia we must court a little
danger in our lives.

As weve explored in this series, manhood has always been considered an earned status an
achievement. And just as it can be earned, it can be lost as well. Thus, a manhood that doesnt
risk its dispossession is no manhood at all.

For our primitive ancestors, opportunities to exercise their manly courage through risk were
plentiful. Danger surrounded them at all sides in the form of enemy tribes or wild animals. You
didnt have to go looking for trouble, trouble found you.

Contrast that to our modern world in which safety and comfort are plentiful, but risk and danger
are wanting. If a modern man wants to experience a visceral life or death risk, he has to
purposely seek it out by signing up for military combat or taking part in extreme sports. But even
the more subdued forms of risk that men were formerly expected to embrace have diminished.
For example, instead of asking a woman out in person or over the phone, men today use
technology to blunt and even eliminate the risk of rejection. Theres less sting when a woman
ignores your text message than when she tells you no to your face.

While we should all find ways big and small to court a little danger in our lives, that doesnt
mean our risk-taking needs to be stupid or even excessive. Part of the problem in todays culture
is that we provide and encourage so few positive, pro-social outlets for male risk-taking
particularly for young men. Consequently, we have young men who do needlessly dumb things
that provide no real benefits for the man or for society. To make risk-taking rewarding, we need
to, as psychologist Nicholas Hobbs puts it, choose trouble for oneself in the direction of what
one would like to become. Instead of sticking fireworks up your butt and lighting them, start a
business, join the merchant marines, take part in an amateur boxing match, or ask out that pretty
woman youve had your eye on for so long.

Moreover, understand that the amount of risk you take will probably diminish as you enter
different stages in your life thanks to naturally decreasing levels of testosterone as well as simply
having more to lose than gain. Gilmore notes in Manhood in the Making that in most cultures,
risk-taking was encouraged in young men as a way for them to gain the hardihood to tackle the
mature tasks of later life. Once a man becomes established and has a family, excessive risk-
taking was then seen as boyish and unmanly, because at that point in a mans life his job was to
maintain what he had and gain more.

All of which is to say, that we would do well to seek the Aristotelian mean when it comes to
taking risks.

Action Steps:

There are many forms of courage, but physical courage is its highest form, as it requires
overcoming our strongest biological drive: self-preservation. As discussed above, the courage
one gains in the ring or on the battlefield will extend to ones moral and intellectual pursuits. But
Im not sure the reverse is true. That is, while taking small risks in moral, social, and intellectual
areas will develop your ability to take greater risks in these areas, Im not sure that turning down
a drink to uphold your convictions about alcohol will translate into greater courage to run out
under fire. So as you look for risks to take in your life, be sure not to neglect some that involve
physical courage.

Ask a woman out face-to-face.

Start a business.
Choose an alternative path to going to college.
Learn to ride a motorcycle.
Stand up for your beliefs even in the face of ridicule.
Take part in sports that involve physical danger (fighting, rock climbing, surfing, snowboarding,
etc.).
Give a public speech.
Take part in the manly art of haggling.
 Do s**t that scares you and conquer whatever particular fears your have.

Further Reading:

The Cardinal Virtue of Courage

Developing Manly Courage
Series on the Nature of Courage

11. Embrace Competition

With what earnestness they pursue their rivalries! How fierce their contests! What exultation
they feel when they win, and what shame when they are beaten! How they dislike reproach! How
they yearn for praise! What labors will they not undertake to stand first among their peers! -
Cicero, on Romes young men

Each of the pillars of manhood involves public competition between men to be the best. Men
have always competed for status, to see who could be the superior protector, procreator, and
provider. Its how men gained self-worth and displayed their value to their community, honor
group, and possible mates.

Today, however, many social critics bemoan the masculine competitive drive and argue that men
and all of society would be better off if we stopped with the pissing contests and embraced a
more feminine ethos of cooperation.

Hogwash, I say! Hogwash!

First, contrary to popular belief, men do cooperate. In fact, as psychologist Roy Baumeister
argues in his must-read book, Is There Anything Good About Men, males are often more adept
than females at creating large networks of weak ties that are designed to fulfill a cooperative goal
(a recent study confirmed this theory). Hunting parties, militaries, sports teams, governments,
and corporations are examples of cooperative endeavors that men excel in. When critics argue
for men to be more cooperative like women, they typically mean they want men to have a more
dyadic and consensus-building type of cooperation steeped in the strong ties women excel at
forging. Both approaches have their pros and cons, but to say men dont know how to cooperate
is simply wrong.

Second, competition is often how men bond, and thus is paramount to masculine social
fulfillment. Forty years ago, anthropologist Lionel Tiger coined the phrase male bonding.
When many people hear that phrase, they conjure up images of men sitting in a circle in the
middle of the woods beating on drums or bros professing their bromance with a sappy I love
you, man!

But Tiger was describing something else. For him, male bonding is inextricably tied up with
aggression and competition. He argues that men typically form tight bonds in terms of either a
pre-existent object of aggression, or a concocted one. Men draw close together when they have
some other group to compete against or some difficult goal to achieve. Even when there isnt an
enemy real or metaphorical men will come up with a difficult task to assert their will over
and tackle together.

For examples of this dynamic, consider the intimate bond that forms between soldiers, especially
those who see combat together. A common refrain amongst soldiers is that while they may have
gone to war to fight for their country, they stayed to fight for their brothers. You can see the way
competition solidifies the male bond with sports teams as well.

Where the male quest for dominance is, male bonding will be also. So if youre worried about
the lack of close male friends that many modern men have, we should be encouraging more
(positive) competition, not less.

Third, competition breeds excellence both in ourselves and in the culture at large. Mens
penchant for status-seeking (and risk-taking) is what led to the discovery of new lands and the
invention of the worlds technologies; its the driver of societal progress. Sure, we should
compete against ourselves and always strive to be better than the men we were yesterday. But
competing against ourselves will only take us so far. Its easy to get complacent when youre just
trying to beat the man in the mirror because ego and status arent at risk. We need the friction
that comes with opposing forces to keep us sharp. When theres a risk of public defeat or victory,
we push ourselves out of our comfort zone. Other competitors can reveal flaws and weaknesses
in ourselves we didnt know we had. Competition keeps us hungry and humble.

Finally, competition is risky, and as we know, manliness without risk just isnt manliness.

So step into the arena and show yourself a man by competing. You may lose, but youll be the
better for your striving and youll likely gain some close buds to boot. Youll also have the
assurance that your place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know
victory nor defeat.

In the ancient code of man, there is no dishonor in striving and falling short; rather, as Gilmore
notes, the worst sin of manliness is not honest failure but cowardly withdrawal.

Action Steps:

To tap into the most potent masculine energy, try to compete as part of an all-male team. That
opportunity can be hard to find these days, particularly once youre out of college. Competing in
things by yourself wont scratch that primal itch to conquer as part of a gang, but its still a
worthy pursuit.

Play a team sport.

Get together for pick-up games with your friends.
Strive to be at the top of your academic class.
Compete in an academic bowl, science fair, or debating society.
If youre a business owner, look for ways to get an edge on your rivals.
Sign up for a running/obstacle race.
Do CrossFit. While I personally dont think CrossFit is the best way to build strength, it does have
a good competitive ethos. CF is also coed, but Ive noticed that all-dude classes naturally and
unofficially form.

Further Reading:

On Men and Competition

12. Complete a Rite of Passage

In many cultures around the world, when young men came of age, they underwent a rite of
passage into manhood. This rite would often involve the young men being separated from the
village and their mothers, being instructed as to the secrets of manhood by the tribes elders,
and completing arduous and painful challenges that demonstrated to the community that they had
mastered the manly traits of skill, courage, and toughness. When the initiate was reintroduced
back into the village, he was recognized as a full-fledged man and given new privileges and
responsibilities attendant to that status.
As adults, the young men would have to embrace strenuous and dangerous imperatives, and
these rites of passage ensured that they were prepared for these tasks, while at the same time
giving them confidence in themselves and their status as men.

While todays young men no longer have to prepare for a life of hunting and fighting (though, as
weve spent this whole article discussing, they should!), theres another reason these kinds of
rites of passage are important.

Some psychologists theorize that its harder for young men than young women to embrace
adulthood. We all start out in the womb of our mothers, and we all feel a regressive pull back to
that primeval oneness throughout our lives a desire to return to a time where all our needs were
taken care of and nothing was demanded of us. This pull may be stronger for boys, as girls have
a model for adult womanhood in their mothers, but boys must break more sharply away to find
their own independent masculine identity. Helping young men gain a sense of self and avoid
getting stuck in state of arrested development was surely one of the purposes of ancient rites of
passage.

Certainly theres wisdom in that idea. Many modern young men who do not undergo a rite of
passage into manhood often struggle with still feeling like a boy trapped in a mans body. They
want to feel like a man, but dont, and figure theyll start acting like one when they start feeling
like one. But this feeling never arrives, and the sense of being in limbo continues.

Just thinking your way to a new status isnt very effective: Okay, now Im a man. A concrete
ritual provides an outward manifestation of an inner change, and in so doing helps make the
transition to adulthood more tangible and psychologically resonant.

Rites of passage into manhood can still be found in some faith traditions, as well as in the
military and organizations like the Boy Scouts. But theyre few and far between.

Rites of passage you create for yourself arent as effective, because they lack the re-
incorporation phase of the process where a community recognizes your new status and treats
your differently because of it. This recognition creates a feedback loop in which you act
differently because youre now a man, and people expect more of you because of it, which
motivates you to keep living the code. But, a DIY rite of passage is definitely better than nothing
at all and can definitely help move you into a more mature mindset.

Action Steps:

The single action step here is to participate in a rite of passage. The forms this rite can take are
numerous:

Climb a mountain.
Take a wilderness canoe trip.
Backpack a long-distance trail (like the Appalachian) end to end.
Become an Eagle Scout.
Join the military.
 Serve in Americorps.
Serve in the Peace Corps.
Serve a mission for your church.
Teach English in a foreign country for a year.
Join a fraternal organization that offers a rite of passage ritual like the Freemasons or Knights of
Columbus.

Further Reading:

The Power of Ritual: The Rocket Booster of Personal Change, Transformation, and Progress
The History and Nature of Rites of Passage
How to Create Your Own Rite of Passage

13. Go on Adventures

Why are men and boys particularly drawn to adventure stories? Evolution likely plays a role.

The male brain is wired for adventure. According to The Male Brain, when we were hanging out
in our mothers wombs, our bodies were flooded with a bunch of different hormones. Two of
these substances specifically anti-Mullerian hormones and testosterone primed the circuits
of our tiny male fetus brains for functions like exploratory behavior and spatial skills skills
that are important when going into uncharted territory.

Testosterone may continue to drive the male quest to explore even into adulthood. Studies have
shown that when male animals are injected with high levels of testosterone, they expand their
distance of exploration. Primatologists have noted that male chimp gangs that stray the furthest
from their home base typically have higher levels of testosterone than the gangs that stay closer
to home. Researchers speculate that testosterone has a similar effect on male humans the more
testosterone you have, the more likely you are to be drawn to exploring new things.

Evolutionary biologists theorize that the reason males in most species, including humans, are
evolved to explore and orient is to help in patrolling and protecting their territorial perimeter as
well as to expand their territory to gain access to new resources. Whats more, because males are
sexually expendable, species can afford to lose a few males on dangerous trips to the unknown.

Tens of thousands of years after our hunter-gatherer ancestors left the plains of Africa, the drive
to explore still exists in the DNA of men. It was men who mapped the globe during the Golden
Age of Discovery, reached the Earths poles during the Heroic Age of Arctic Exploration, and
landed on the moon. In all of these instances there were economic, political, cultural, and
scientific benefits to exploration, but Im pretty sure most men went simply for the adventure.

English explorer Sir Wilfred Thesiger admitted thats why he explored:

For me, exploration was a personal venture. I did not go to the Arabian Desert to collect plants
nor to make a map; such things were incidental. At heart I knew that to write or even to talk of
my travels was to tarnish the achievement. I went there to find peace in the hardship of desert
travel and the company of desert peoplesIt is not the goal but the way there that matters, and
the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey.

Besides our innate propensity to explore, adventure also calls upon many of the core attributes of
masculinity such as risk, competition, resourcefulness, mastery, and dominance. Adventure
provides a testing ground for a mans mettle.

Jack London biographer Earle Labor told me one of the things that made London such a virile
example of manhood was his spirit of romance and adventure. Adventure not only provided
London endless fodder for his writing, but more importantly it filled his soul with grit and
passion; it provided both an outlet and a fuel for his fiery thumos.

In our modern world, adventure is much harder to come by than it once was. Much of the world
has been explored and the great destinations for adventure have been sapped of their romance
and danger through touristification. Going to see the Aztec pyramids in Mexico is now like a trip
to Disney World.

Adventure is still possible for the man who wants it. It just takes more work to find.

Action Steps:

Go on one big adventure (specially when youre young) and try to do it with a bud or buddies to
replicate that primordial male gang.
Schedule regular adventures during the year. They dont have to be big. Just go somewhere new
and explore without a set agenda.
Make your vacations more of an adventure. Dont be a tourist; be a flaneur.
Road trip across the country.
Take a spur of the moment weekend road trip into the wilds.
Get somewhere by hitchhiking.
Learn to scuba dive.
Take up caving.
Become an urban explorer.
Read adventure stories. Admittedly an abstraction, but one that can inspire you to get concrete.
Teddy Roosevelt credited the adventure stories of his childhood for his desire to explore, and
Jack London said the books of Robert Louis Stevenson served as inspiration for his many
adventures.

Further Reading:

Every Man Needs Adventure

Series on the Life of Jack London
Jack London on the Life That Lives
How to Live the True Spirit of Romance and Adventure
14. Spend Time in Nature and Get Out into the Wild

When I asked Earle Labor what Jack London teaches us about being a man, one of his answers
was: Get out into nature, but not just any nature, wild nature.

As author John Eldredge puts it, men are wild at heart. And there is no better way of
rediscovering this wildness and of having an adventure than tearing out into
undomesticated nature. The primal energy that runs through the deep woods and mountains will
awaken the primal energy within you.

The life of most modern mens lives are tightly scheduled and routine. Wake up, shower,
commute, work, home, sleep. Each day you drive the same route, sit in the same cubicle, and
sleep in the same bed. Youre subject to all sorts of rules, expectations, and constraints. Buttoned
up and buried in paper work, you must act polite, follow the traffic laws, and refrain from
throttling the blowhard who prolongs the company meeting with endless inane questions. Your
spirit is constantly hemmed in. And everything you touch, live in, and use has been modified
from its original form: sanded, molded, and packaged for consumption. Almost every sound you
hear, from the car engine to the ringing cell phone, originates from an artificial source. Its
enough to render every man with a mild form of insanity.

Thus, men must periodically tear themselves away from civilization and interact with things in
their natural state. Touch real dirt, sit by a real fire, sharpen real wood, and listen to the pure
sounds of running streams and the wind in the trees. Surround yourself with matter that doesnt
exist solely for human consumption. Experience things that just are.

Its interesting to note that ancient rites of passage frequently involved the initiate going out into
the wild by himself with limited resources. Many of historys greatest men took on the mantle of
manhood by journeying into the wild to test their mettle. Jesus began his ministry by going to the
wilderness of Judea to fast for forty days; TR spent his winters during college in the wilds of
Maine; Jack London went to the Klondike and there found himself and kicked off a legendary
writing career.

In the wild is where men strip away all that is false, and find themselves again at the core.

Action Steps:

Get out in the wilderness. The kind of wild thats raw and dangerous. No manicured state parks.
Go camping and backpacking regularly.
Take wilderness survival courses.
Take up sports that get you into nature trail running, mountain biking, skiing, surfing, etc.
In between your trips to the wild, simply try to get into nature on a regular basis even if that
means just taking a stroll in a local park.

Further Reading:

The 5 Switches of Manliness: Nature

When Life in Town Wearies You: Vacation Planning Advice from 1918

15. Create More, Consume Less

Gilmore notes that across cultures, the critical threshold for mature manhood represents the
point at which the boy produces more than he consumes. Manhood involves the ability to tame
nature, to turn chaos into order, to take the raw materials of life and transform them into
something of value. It requires purposive construction commanding and assertive action
that adds somethingto societys store.

Children are full-time consumers. When theyre young, their parents set up their experiences for
them; their only job is to sit back and enjoy it. They live in their parents house, eat their parents
food, and use their parents stuff. Their free time is used in amusement. They consume their
parents resources and are passive and taken care of. They make little to no impact on the world
and have little ownership of their lives. They are dependent.
The quandary men face today is that our commercial culture encourages a puerile, passive
consumerism instead of a virile producerism. It allows us to remain ever as boys. Even when a
young man is no longer dependent upon his parents, his dependency for his male identity subtly
shifts to corporations which provide products and services that are supposed to make him feel
like a man. We consume masculinity instead of create it.

What makes consumerism so insidious is that it lures men into dependency by playing to their
desire for autonomy and offering an imitation version of it. We think were in control of our lives
when we choose what sort of manly body wash we buy. But this feeling of autonomy is only
an illusion. It is merely the choice of one option from a menu of choices that have been pre-
selected by someone else.

Consumerism offers so many choices that we fail to see that they all reside within a
predetermined box. Consumerism is like one giant Choose Your Own Adventure book. Yes, you
have the freedom to choose, so long as it fits one of the fixed narratives.

Were right back in our childhood bedroom, with our mother asking, Do you want to wear the
green shirt or the blue shirt?

Consumerism is then if I may borrow from Emerson in conspiracy against the manhood
of every one of its members. So how do we overcome this conspiracy?

The trick to not falling into the consumer trap, is first, simply being aware of consumerisms
subtle dependency-inducing and autonomy-sapping influence on your life. Importantly, realize
that it isnt just material goods that we are often mindless consumers of, but information and
entertainments as well. Plenty of folks look down their minimalist noses at those who hoard
stuff, all while they gobble the media created by others. They go to parties but never throw
them; listen to music but never make it; comment on blog articles but never write any of their
own. Their input to the world centers on giving things a thumbs up or thumbs down; they sit
upon their pseudo-consumer thrones as various diversions are laid at their feet, to be dismissed or
shared with friends.

This is, of course, not real kingship, as it gives you no real power to affect the world. Being a
creator means more than refraining from consumption, but adding something of real value to
society.

Becoming a creator doesnt mean giving up consumerism completely; I certainly enjoy buying
books, music, and clothing from time to time. Just temper your consumption with your own
creative acts. Invest time in things that will build your legacy.

So dont choose your own adventure, create it. Dont just live in the world, but create worlds. In
this you will be not just a king, but a god.

Action Steps:

Find a manly creative hobby.

 Build a piece of furniture.
Write a book, a blog, or simply in a journal.
Write letters.
Start a garden.
Host a party.
Have kids.
Start a club.
Learn how to cook your own food.
Start a business.
Start a non-profit.
Do volunteer work.
Be a mentor.
Do kind things for strangers and friends.

Further Reading:

Modern Maturity: Create More, Consume Less

The 5 Switches of Manliness: Legacy