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indd 6
GOLEMAN
The ve components of emotional intelligence at work
Denition Hallmarks
FOR REVIEW ONLY
Emotions To Hone
of . . . Awareness . . . To Regulate . . . IDEO Examples
The Whole Regularly assess Create struc- Awareness: Teams work
Group the groups tures that let the closely with custom-
strengths, group express its ers to determine what
weaknesses, emotions. needs improvement.
and modes of
Cultivate an Regulation: Finger-
interaction.
armative blaster toys scattered
Invite reality environment. around the oce let
checks from people have fun and
Encourage pro-
customers, vent stress.
active problem
colleagues,
solving.
suppliers.
Other Key Designate Develop cross- Regulation: IDEO built
Groups team members boundary such a good relation-
as liaisons to relationships ship with an outside
key outside to gain outsiders
fabricator that it was
constituencies. condence. able to call on it for help
during a crisison the
Identify and Know the broader
weekend.
support other social and political
groups expecta- context in which
tions and needs. your group must
succeed.
Show your
appreciation of
other groups.
and a real passion for customer service. But her teammates find she
brings little more than a bad attitude to the table. At an early brain-
storming session, Jill sits silent, arms crossed, rolling her eyes. When-
ever the team starts to get energized about an idea, she launches into a
detailed account of how a similar idea went nowhere in the past. The
group is confused: this is the customer service star theyve been hearing
about? Little do they realize she feels insulted by the very formation of
the team. To her, it implies she hasnt done her job well enough.
When a member is not on the same emotional wavelength as the
rest, a team needs to be emotionally intelligent vis--vis that individ-
ual. In part, that simply means being aware of the problem. Having a
Better decisions,
more creative solutions,
higher productivity
Participation, cooperation,
collaboration
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distracted or tired to fully engage with her husband and children. One
nagging voice in her head told her shed have to be a better employee
or risk career failure; another told her to be a better mother or risk
neglecting her family. Cynthia wished that at least one of the voices
would shut up. But neither would, and in response she failed to put
up her hand for exciting new prospects at the office and compulsively
checked messages on her phone during family dinners.
Jeffrey, a rising-star executive at a leading consumer goods
company, had a different problem. Intelligent, talented, and ambi-
tious, he was often angryat bosses who disregarded his views,
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Exercise
Identify a thought To what Ask yourself:
Choose a challenging that hooks you extent do To what extent
situation in your in that situation, Ask yourself: To I buy into do I avoid or try
Identify a feeling
work lifefor example, such as My boss what extent do I it, letting it to ignore this To what
that this situation
Receiving negative has no condence avoid this thought, overwhelm feeling? extent do
evokes. Is it anger,
feedback from my boss in me or My trying to make it go me? I buy into
sadness, fear,
or Asking my boss for contribution isnt away? A lot, some- it?
shame, disgust, or
a raise. as valuable as my what, not at all?
something else?
teammates.
Advice
If you primarily avoid your If you primarily buy into your If you alternate, learn your The next step is to take action
thoughts and feelings, try to thoughts and feelings, nd your patterns. Pay attention to which that aligns with your values.
acknowledge them instead. ground. Take 10 deep breaths, thoughts and feelings you avoid (For examples, see the sidebar
Notice thoughts as they arise notice your environment, and and which you buy into so that What Are Your Values?) Identify
and check your emotional state labelrather than being swept you can respond with one of the which ones you want to apply in
several times a day so that you up inthem. strategies we describe. the context of the challenging
can identify the useful informa- situation youve described.
tion your mind is sending you.
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2/17/15 12:47 PM
JACKMAN AND STROBER
Possiblen egative
emotion Maladaptive response Reframing statement
Anger Acting out Its up to me to get the
(Im mad at my (stomping around, feedback I need.
boss because he complaining, being irritable,
wont talk to me yelling at subordinates or
directly.) family)
Anxiety Brooding Finding out can open up
(I dont know what (withdrawal, nail biting) new opportunities for me.
will happen.) Avoiding
(Im too busy to ask for
feedback.)
Fearo f Denial, procrastination, self- Taking the initiative puts
confrontation (I sabotage me in charge and gives me
dont want to do (canceling meetings with some power.
this.) boss)
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FOR REVIEW ONLY
Possiblen egative
emotion Maladaptive response Reframing statement
Fear of reprisal Denial I really need to know
(If I speak up, will (I dont need any feedback. honestly how Im doing.
I get a pink slip?) Im doing just ne.)
Hurt Irritability, jealousy of I can still pay attention to
(Why did he say others what he said even though
I wasnt trying hard (silence, plotting to get even) I feel hurt.
enough?)
Defensiveness Acting out by not supporting Being defensive keeps me
(Im better than she theboss (You can bet Im not from hearing what she has
says.) going to her stupid meeting.) to say.
Sadness Brooding, withdrawal How Im doing in my job
(I thought he (being quieter than usual, isnt about whether Im
likedme!) feeling demotivated) liked.
Fear of change Denial I must change to keep my job.
(How will I ever do (keep doing things the same I need to run the marathon
all that he wants way as before) one mile at a time.
me to do?)
Ambivalence Procrastination, passivity What really serves my
(Should I stay or (waiting for somebody else interests best? Nobody is as
should I go?) to solve the problem) interested in my well-being
as I am. I need to take some
action now.
Resignation (I have Resistance to change (Its just Ill be much happier
toleave!) too hard to look for another working somewhere else.
job. Its not really so bad here.)