Friday, 11 December 2009 - N 467

Guaran
News

Paraguays First and

Only English Magazine
 CONTENTS COVER
TUESDAY, 15 December
Strangers Club luncheon
Friday, Guaran Paraguays First and
11 December 2009
From the Editor 2 N 467 News Only English Magazine

From the Publisher 2

From the Editor
People in the News Coming Events 4 Im not exactly sure why people are so into climbing these things.
Church Notices 5
From the Publisher
The Humour Corner
Really sorry
By Eduardo Teddy Abello 5
Ill be the first one to acknowledge that old age has finally arrived
especially noticeable now that I seem to be making more and more
MAIL BAG 6
faux pas in my writing out names. My first thanks to the readers
BCCs CHRISTMAS DINNER A GREAT SUCCESS 8
that were kind enough in pointing out such errors. Second of course
Guaran News Cover 8/10
to those whose names I somehow misspelled. The lady wholl be
speaking at the Strangers Club Luncheon on Tuesday, 15 December
GUARANI News is MARGUERITE du GUERNY and not Margarita du Guerney. The
Founded in Asuncin 21 October 1982 lady wholl be attending the event is INGRID WEISE and not Inge
Depsito Legal Ley N 9.289 Weise. There is also a word of thanks to those who expressed their
Publisher/Editor: Norman M. Langer concern regarding my wellbeing under the present atmospheric con-
c/o The Conqueror Group ditions that still prevails in this area and sure enough, is making my
life pretty miserable.
OLeary 610 c/Gral. Diaz
Hello,,. is that my friendly travel agency? Yes, ah, well, can you
Asuncin - Paraguay book me a seat in a private jet (normal airlines just do not have the
Our Cellular for International calls: +(595-991) 724-217 leg room I need) to say the North Pole? Dont spare the cost, as we
For local calls in Paraguay 0991-724-217 say around these partsQue Dios se lo pague!!
E-Mail: stranger@highway.com.py
ALTERNATIVE: guaraninews@click.com.py Still in the doldrums
All rights reserved. No part of GUARANI NEWS may be reproduced without permission from the Publisher. Opinions It has become a matter of mind over pains and aches lifes pen-
expressed by named authors do not necessarily coincide with those of the Editor.
The Editor will review any submission; however no responsibility is assumed for materials submitted. If you wish to be
alty for having led a misguided youth no doubt. Nevertheless, as the
removed from our listing, send E-mail to stranger@highway.com.py with the title REMOVE and accept our apologies theatre people are apt to state: the show must go on. So be it.
2 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
 lishers receive a free copy of a new book, here the publishers and
Readers of todays issue will find an interesting article further down
-Mail Bag-(Paradise in Paraguay) sent by one of my old-time authors make you pay the full price. Seeing as there are at least two
books being launched a week I tend to stay home unless a title or a
colleagues that tells of the nicer side of taking up residence here in
known author should take my fancy.
Paraguay. Im not quite sure if my friend Joe was taking the mickey
out of me, seeing he read all about my going berserk due to our cli- This has been the case when attending the launching of Las aves
en la vida de los Tobas en el oeste de Formosa, Argentina by Pastor
matic conditions in the last few weeks, yet I am also sure he meant it
all for the best so here go my very best thanks, pal. Arenas and Gustavo Porini that was held last Thursday, 4 December
at the Argentine Embassys Cultural Theatre and introduced by the
Good investment Argentine Cultural Minister Ivan Ivanissevich. (I did get a reason-
It is not usual for me to attend book launchings in Paraguay. The able discount from the publishers lucky me the Publisher is a good
reason, quite simple, whereas in Europe newspaper/magazine pub- friend!!)

P.O.B. 13061 - Py-1749 - Asuncin - Py

Hotel Westfalenhaus Tel. (00595 -21) 292-374 - Fax (00595 - 21) 291-241
Sgto. 1 M. Bentez 1577 - Asuncin E-Mail: Hotel@Westfalenhaus.com
Web: www.westfalenhaus.com www.paraguay-travel.de
3 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
httpt://www.paraguay-restaurant.de
 As to the contents, most interesting, as it covers the little known
ways of life of the Toba Indians whose habitat includes a large area
across the Pilcomayo River that borders with Paraguay.
Should you be interested in knowing more or where to acquire a
copy I suggest you contact Martin Romano, Editorial Tiempo de
Historia Mariscal Lpez 1735 Asuncin, Paraguay. to confirm by E-mail (preferably) stranger@highway.com.py or by
info@tiempodehistoria.org www.tiempodehistoria.org
Now here is wishing one and all a most enjoyable weekend
PEOPLE in the NEWS COMING EVENTS
BIRTHDAYS - DECEMBER
13 SOUTH, Joe
14 GOLDING MACHADO, Richard
18 MARTIN, Antonio
27 SISUL, Dr. Juan Carlos
27 FITZGIBBON, Maria
Members Gs. 60,000. Non-Members Gs. 90,000. (Soft drinks and
wines during the meal are included).
Cocktail time will run from 12.15pm to 1pm when a delicious gour-
mets three-course meal will be punctually served.
We are limited insofar as seating accommodation, so you are requested
calling Mr Langer, Cellular: 0991-724.217. Confirmed attendees, not
mentioned above, include: HE Emanuel Jenni, Ambassador of Swit-
zerland; Ivan Ivanissevich, Minister Argentine Embassy; John
Helmfelt, Telecomunications Consultant; Divina Ayala; Janine
Patterson; Hans-Atle Bothun; Alexander Neuendorff, Past Presi-
dent; Guillermo Alonso, FIFA Representative; Uwe Becker and three
guests; Georg Siebert; Herbert and Ingrid Weise; Renaud Olgiati;
William Curry; Dr. Hctor Sosa Gennaro; Secretary Paraguayan
Academy of Military History and Geography; Eng. Vargas Pea;
Architect Guillermo Hellmers; Rubn Falcn, former General
Manager Central Bank and Henry Bergern.

LUNCHEONS CHEVENING Launching

The Strangers Club Asuncion are pleased to announce that their The Chevening Alumni of Paraguay (ChAP) hereby invite you to
luncheon N 375 will be held on TUESDAY, 15th December 2009 at attend the official inauguration of the Association with a Toast on
The Conqueror Group Bldg. It is located at OLeary 610 at corner
of Gral. Diaz. There is ample parking in the building next door on
OLeary -Heliport Bldg- or 100 metres up the road at Asuncin Cen-
Intend visiting Asuncin?
tre. Youll find all the comforts by staying at the
The event will be chaired by the Clubs Honorary Chairman, HE Dido
Florentin Bogado, whilst the Club Founder, Norman M. Langer,
CHACO HOTEL
will be acting as Master of Ceremonies. Caballero corner Mcal. Estigarribia
The Guest Speaker on this occasion will be Mrs MARGUERITE Tel. (595-021) 443.527 - 492.066
du GUERNY wholl be talking on her experiences whilst living in E-Mail: info@hotelchaco.com.py
Montenegro.
4 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
Wednesday, 16 December 2009 at 7pm in the Hotel Villa Morra Suites enjoyed myself; we should swap again.
To confirm your presence please call: 0981-224.387 or 0981- The man said: I enjoyed it too, but I just cant figure out why she
559.411 kept patting my head and pulling my ears!
CHURCH NOTICES
Brain Transplant
ST. ANDREWS ANGLICAN CHURCH -
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumour. Its so large
Avda. Espaa 1357 (near corner of General Santos).
they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of
For further information, contact the Diocesan Office Tel. 200-933.
available brains. Theres a jar of scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a
jar of rocket scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer
CATHOLIC MASS in ENGLISH Held at the Missionary Ob-
brains for $800 an ounce.
lates of Mary Immaculate (Misioneros Oblatos de Maria Inmaculada).
The outraged lawyer says: This is a rip-off! How come the lawyer
The address is Quesada between Molas and MacArthur. Mass starts
brains are so damn expensive?
at 11:00 am on Sundays.
The doctor replies: Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get
To check English Mass timetable call: 371-056 or 390-907.
an ounce of brains?
The priest is Father Ranulfo Veron, C.S.S.R

The Humour Corner Dr. Nuria Lezcano de Beekhof

By Eduardo Teddy Abello
Martian Sex
Dentist
A middle-aged couple went to a spouse-swapping party. They met a Dental Prosthesis - Implants - Gum infections
Martian couple and thought it would be nice to switch partners for
the night. So they swapped spouses, and off they went. When the
Oral rehabilitation
woman saw the male Martians penis, she said, Well, thats nice, but
OHiggins corner Del Maestro
its kind of short, isnt it?
The Martian reached up and patted his head. As he did that, his penis Edif. Galenos - 3rd Floor (Villa Morra)
got longer and longer. The woman saw that and said: Thats nice,
but its not very fat, is it? Call for appointment: 611.798 or 614.985
The Martian reached up and pulled on his ears. As he was doing that, Direct: 614.920
his penis got fatter and fatter.
The woman had a grand time that night. In the morning, the man and E-Mail: wijbeek@tigo.com.py
woman were comparing their experience. The woman said: I really
5 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
Stern Warning Hi Norman,
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, I feel so sorry for you being roasted in the summer heat that I thought
Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child. that you might be able to use the following article. The West Wales
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said: Johnny, when I newspaper Cambrian News published the piece in 2005. They asked
was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I me to write something on my love of Paraguay. I say lots of nice
would stay like that. things about the country so it should cheer people up. Joe South
Johnny looked up and replied: Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you
werent warned. Paradise in Paraguay
Millions of us dream of starting a new life abroad but how many
A Helping Hand are brave enough to take the plunge? Julie McNicholls talked to Joe
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon South and Hilary Wheat about their new life in Paraguay... Joe South
two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. and Hilary Wheat were once familiar figures in Aberystwyth but in
Thats what I like to see, said the priest: A man helping his fellow 2003 they swapped the mid Wales weather for the sun-kissed para-
man. dise of Paraguay. Two years later, they have no regrets and hope to
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other: Well, he stay forever, but what made them move in the first place?
sure doesnt know the first thing about shark fishing. It was 1997. I was living in the UK and Id had enough. I needed
to leave for a while. Thats how Joe remembers feeling eight years
ago. Despite his success in Aberystwyth -he founded and ran the
MAIL BAG
addiction treatment center Rhoserchan- it was time for a change. The
Dear Norman:
rehab was very successful and consistently showed high recovery
I wish to thank you ever so much for all the issues of the Guarani
rates and I was proud of its achievements, said Joe. But after ten or
News you have sent us for many years. Today we have had such a
so intensive years I needed a change of direction. I decided to leave
laugh with your joke about the Rabi.
my work and spend a year traveling. At the end of the year I would
Really good work Norman.
decide on what I was going to do. Through the years I had
Sorry about the heat and the rain. Down here its just the rain pester-
become increasingly disillusioned with the West and its direction.
ing us all the time.
Yob culture, the worship of fame and celebrity, the numbing down of
Just in case I forget we wish you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy
educational standards, dictatorial political correctness and the self-
New Year,
centered move away from faith towards the rights of the individual.
Sincerely,
But most of all I hated the weather. Grey gloom often for weeks on
Sylda and John
end. Joe really had had enough but a trip to Cuba was just what the
Montevideo, Uruguay
doctor ordered. My life changed the night I touched down in Havana,
6 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
Cuba. I was 53 years old and I fell hopelessly in love with that
rhythmic, loving island. I began to learn Spanish and visited Colombia,
Costa Rica and Guatemala in the year that followed.
When he returned to Wales, Joe talked to his partner Hilary about
the possibility of moving to somewhere in Latin America. At that
time she was busy running Tukes in Aberystwyth but only had a
year to go before her planned departure. Hilary agreed that we should
take the risk and, probably because of her huge responsibilities at
work, became enthusiastic about the super long holiday that we
were to take in a years time. In the meantime, Joe took a temporary
job working with the mentally ill and started to research Central and
South America with a view to finding a suitable country in which to
start their new lives. My research took a year and Paraguay came
out top of the list. A clear winner!!
Hilary and I arrived in Asuncion on a wet gray Sunday afternoon
in October 2003. But do they have any regrets? We have no regrets
about moving here. Two years on found us running our beautiful
guesthouse and we are grateful each day for our sublime lifestyle.
Guests come here and tell us that they fall in love with the magic and
tranquility of Paraguay. But what is so special about Paraguay? Well,
according to Joe, most things are. Listing his top ten of favorite things,
he said: The narcotic atmosphere of this place is enchanting. I love
the sun and the blue skies of this marvelous land. Sunny is normal. I
rarely complain, even at 45 degrees. I just lie down and snooze.....
like the Paraguayans! I love the beautiful flowers and blossom of
this country. They are with us for 12 months of the year and they
never fail to lift my spirit. The scent of Jasmine, Oleander and Rose
are a gift for me. I love the sound of the Guarani language and although
I cannot understand a single word I appreciate the music inherent in
this exotic tongue. I also respect the profound knowledge that
Paraguayans have for herbs and remedies. I love the variety of birds
7 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
that visit our garden to pick up the food that we leave out for them.
Beautiful with bright colors, they seem less timid than their cousins
in Great Britain.
Joe even loves the occasional bad weather. I love the sound of
thunder here. The bomb blasts and fizzing lightening bolts that put
me firmly in my place within the hierarchy of the planet. Its somewhere
near the bottom by the way And even food tastes better, according
to Joe. I love the food of Paraguay. Meat tastes like meat, fruit like
fruit and vegetables taste like vegetables. Bursting with flavor and
color, quite unlike the tasteless, processed pap on sale in the UK and
USA. I love the sunny Sunday afternoon feel of Paraguay. Life is
slow and relaxed. The dreamlike whistle of the ice cream seller drifting
in from the street. People still have time to stand and talk. Summer
afternoons find workmen asleep under shady trees. I love the humor
of Paraguay. Self deprecating and hysterical much like the English.
Often I see groups of men and women sitting or standing in plazas or
streets helpless with uncontrollable giggles. Surely one of the best
feelings we can have. I love the Paraguayan bottom. It seems to me
(and I look a lot) that most women here have the enviable bubble
butt. Sexy, sensual and provocative. Such a delight to behold. Of
course, the women already know this and celebrate their rear ends by
deliberately wearing tight pants. I love Paraguayan people. For Central
and South America they are unusually polite and courteous. I was
amazed to find there are orderly queues here and that pushing in is
frowned upon. The Paraguayan is typically warm, tactile, friendly
and helpful. A civilized people. I love Paraguay and its people. I
would like to stay, if they will have me.
Unfortunately Joe and Hilary had to return to the UK in August
2007 to care for Hilarys mother who was very ill. Joe published his
very popular autobiography, Poppy Dream in 2008 and it is available
on www.joespoppydream.com
 BCCs CHRISTMAS DINNER A GREAT SUCCESS From the Strangers Club 374th Luncheon held at The Congueror
The BCCs (British Community Council of Paraguay) Christmas Group on Friday, 27th November in which the Guest Speaker was
dinner was held last Saturday, December 5th at the Anglo premises HE Cristian Maquieira, Ambassador of Chile.
with over 125 persons attending a most successful event that also
included dancing to a live musical group and the raffling of some
beautiful donations.
Congratulations are the order of the day insofar as the wonderful
effort made by the Communitys Committee chaired by President
David Baldock who was assisted by Lorna Tervit (in charge of the
food department), Peter Logan (in charge of the bar) and John Helmfelt
who was in charge of admission.

(Photo N.M. Langer)

GUARANI NEWS PICTORIAL

Dr. Hctor Sosa Gennaro (left) and John Helmfelt.

Your Advertisement here

for 1 YEAR (52 issues) : 200 Euros
Tiempo de Historia Publishers launch Las aves en la vida de los
tobas by Pastor Arenas (left) on Wednesday, 3rd December at the
Call:
Cultural Theatre of the Argentine Embassy that was introduced by Norman M. Langer
Argentine Cultural Minister Ivan Ivanissevich (right).
(Photo N.M. Langer) 0991-724-217
8 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009
More on Strangers Club Luncheon...

From left to right:

Guido Langer;
Uwe Becker;
Juan Luis Herrero.

Below. From L. to R.:

Renaud Olgiati;
Guy de Lombares;
Sophie Meire
Henry Bergern.

9 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009

The last of our Strangers Club luncheon attendees...

RIGHT: From L. to R.:

Nicole Siebert; Marguerite du Guerny;
Divina Ayala,
Ammi Jackloo; Elizabeth Friling
and the odd thorn amongst the roses
Viggo Friling.

BOTTOM: From L. to R.:

Judge Mara Antonia Gwynn;
Hans-Atle Bothun (your mother will love this one);
Eng. Ludwig Basler
and Tefilo Stegens.

10 GUARANI News - Friday, 11 December 2009