I was in an abusive relationship form a very young age and for a very long time.

Coming

to Hamline I've realized many things about my decision to remain in this type of relationship.

One of those is that, that decision was influenced by my culture and religious affiliation which

gave me a sense of believing that whatever he was doing to me was okay to the point where I

believed everyone was to treat me the same way. His abusiveness began as the cycle of violence

says; mental and emotional, by putting me down making me feel ugly, worthless and constantly

cheating on me then blaming me for his actions. After about a year it was physical, he would

even tell me what, to tell my family if they came across my bruises and often fixed it by telling

me he didn't mean to, but I just pissed him off. I remember looking into the mirror once with

bruises on my face, arms and legs and just crying my eyes out and finally I said enough. After

some psychological help I was able to let him go, but it was not before this help that I was able to

realize that whatever he was doing was not okay.

Based on my experience I've concluded that we live in a world where sometimes women

are taught the belief that men are superior to them. This belief that they should be

submissive to the men in their lives and to their needs is forced upon some women. For this

reason, many women all over the world from all kinds of races, have or will experience domestic

violence throughout their lifetimes. Although this is often a difficult decision to make, it safe to

say that many women do not take action to leave the relationship immediately. Domestic

violence all over the world is important and happening, but Id like to focus on hispanic women

in the Latino community. Due to personal experience, I will be focusing on the religious and

cultural reasons of why some women in the Latino community stay in these types of violent

relationships. Also why it is important that they are aware, that there is help so that women come

out, talk and get help with their situation. Women in the Latino Culture face many obstacles on

the daily basis one of those is dealing with domestic violence. Some of the reasons these women

stay in violent relationships are for fear of culture bias, religion or the feeling of helpless.
 Just in the United States 4,774,000 women have experienced abuse from their partners at

some point in the relationship (Casa De Esperanza). Hispanics have a higher rates of in partner

violence that exist(DeCasas), which means that 1 in 3 Latino women will experience physical

and mental violence throughout their life times(Casa De Esperanza). 63 % of the Latina women

are victimized more than once and will have these recurring instances happen again. These

Latina women in specific have different reasons why they stay in these types of relationships

such as fear of losing their kids, religion, family, culture, deportation.

Sometimes submissiveness to someone can become a huge problem, for example it can

begin a cycle of domestic violence within partners in a marriage or a relationship. Once this

cycle starts and a partner, in specific for my research a man, begins abusing his wife or girlfriend

it becomes a habit hard to stop. As this point it becomes a habit for the abuser, the abuse begins

to adapt to this sort of attitude. This leads to the building of worse treatment as time goes on; it

may begin with verbal and mental abuse until it ends up to physical abuse.

Women go through a Cycle of Violence with their partner, which in the beginning is

hard to identify this is why they begin to get use to this type of treatment. The cycle of violence

according to battered womens movement (1970) says that it begins with intimidation by making

her afraid with actions, displaying weapons etc (P.C.W). Then men go for emotional abuse

such as putting her down, humiliating her, making her feel guilty, etc(P.C.W). This leads to

controlling what she does, who she sees or talks to, limiting her time outside, etc (P.C.W). This

all is the beginning of the control men have over their partners until they begin to actually batter

them and then making her drop charges, threatening to leave her, committing suicide if she

leaves, etc(P.C.W). Men use this cycle to control women to do whatever he tells her to do

without asking questions or hesitation. When the woman begins contradicting them or does

something they don't like it leads them to physically abusing them and then blaming them for

their own actions.

 The abuse these women face is not easy to deal with. In some instances the belief to

remain in these abusive relationships are encouraged by their religious beliefs. Those Latino

women who are married through Christian churches to their partners are specifically affected by

their affiliation. They go by certain scripture that gives them the thought that if she divorces her

husband and marries another, she commits adultery (Mark 10:11-12). This means that even if

the woman wants to leave her husband is bad. Even the thought that she could possibly divorce

and find someone else is thinking about committing adultery. Therefore these women make the

decision to try and save their marriage by adapting to these certain circumstances and not

being punished by God.

Another reason why some Latina women might stay in these abusive relationships is,

because sometimes their culture gives them the idea that they must be submissive to the men

,which is the dominant one in their home(Berens). This meaning that even though they are

being mistreated they must often comply with it and live like this until death due them apart.

Throughout time in the Latino culture gender role expectations have been a huge part in defining

men from women.

In encuentro Latino website, Josie talked about her expectations as a woman, which are

similar to how I was raised and how many other women have been taught to think and act. She

says that from her understanding the role of a good wife is to stay in the kitchen, take care of

her man, and be loving to her children. Women are therefore, encouraged to be submissive to

their fathers and their husbands(Berens). They are raised to believe that men are the protectors

and dominant ones. The role of men is to lift all of the heavy stuff, he should work hard, and

then be able to come home and do whatever he wants to(Berens). This is what most women are

taught to believe.

When women start experiencing domestic violence in their homes, their first instinct is

often to go to their families, but in some instances their families encouraged them to return to

the relationship and not break up their family(Berens). For this reason some Latina women stay
quiet when they are being abused because even if they go to their families for help they are often

turned away. Sometimes their families even take his side and push her to remain with this

abusive partner. Ultimately Latino homes often live with the mindset that abuse is okay and that

family unit is more important(Berens).

I believe that a big reason why this is a problem is because not many people in society are

aware of domestic violence due to the fact that many women do not speak out and get help

outside of their families. Domestic violence is a very important subject that must be understood

to determine a change in having women open up to get help. The public needs to be aware of this

issue as it is as important as any other social, political, religious, problems. Even if women want

to get help sometimes their situation minimizes their opportunity to reach out farther than their

communities. Often there are not enough community resources for everyone or they don't even

know where to go for those few resources(Berens). There needs to be awareness so that women

know that there are shelters that they can go to for help and a place to stay when they cannot

financially depend on themselves and most importantly, that they are not alone.

A change in religious faith has came upon women who suffer this type of abuse. Some

women are imposed this belief that for church permanence of marriage requires them to stay in

abusive relationships(Duffy). What they dont realize though is that acting to end abuse does

not violate the marriage promises(Duffy). It is important to let them know that the church does

not condemn them if they do not want to stay in abusive relationships that can lead them to

serious injuries or even death. These women often hesitate to seek divorce and decide to stay

because they feel they have no outlet, which is why they need to be more informed and

conscious about these facts, so they can be more open to change their lives for the better.

I think it is very important that people become aware that this is happening so they can

reach out and help their families. Its also highly important that these women make a change in

their lives for their children especially their daughters. I believe it's fundamental that women

began teaching their daughters from a young age that there is no reason to remain in a violent
relationship and if they ever come across one, they can reach out and leave. It's important that we

teach both victims and society that this is a problem so we find a way to stop this from recurring

instances.

Women face many obstacles in life that prevents them from being independent and one of

those things is the men they deal with in their lives. Women are taught from a young age that

they are to be submissive to the men; more gentle, delicate and understandable. While leading

them to live a life with their partners under violence and fear. As a society we need to let these

women know that there's a way out and that many people are willing to help. Also that the

church does not sentence them to violence in marriages and there's ways out without them

feeling like theyve failed God. Its necessary to have these women know that they wont be

punished for speaking on their situation and that there are good people who can help.