Personal development or the

path to balance

Ispas Cristina

Personal development means becoming aware of the skills and competencies you
have, in order to successfully combine professional and personal life.
The successful formula in personal development has three phases:
realize that you can exceed your limits;
try to know yourself better;
pass on from the personal purpose to the skills development.
There are some simple steps that can help you achieve a harmonious personal
development:
1. The personal aim: Who am I? Where am I going? Why do I live?
The answers you give to these questions reflect your lifestyle and can give you clues
on:
What do you think about your life;
Which would you like to be the effects in the personal development;
How can you evolve in life and careers.

2. The personal goal: What results (measurable) do I want to get on a short term?
Setting a goal is the first concrete step in personal development. As long as the
objectives set are achievable and motivate you, the success does not appear to be delayed.

3. Actions for improvement: How can I get performances?

What you need to do is reflected:
in professional life - through a better understanding of the organization that
you belong to, its purpose and requirements of the job;
in personal life - by identifying the environment and the steps that have to be
taken to the personal development.

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 The road to personal growth and, consequently, to success is at your fingertips. As
you analyze and understand what you have, what you want and can get, the results will be
real and your career will follow a path upward.
Man is by nature inclined to ignore the big problems and deal with things usually less
important. In his famous book, Parkinson's Law, the author, Northcote Parkinson (1961)
describes a meeting with two items on the agenda: whether or not to rebuild a nuclear plant
and whether or not to build a new shop to repair bikes. Most participants in the meeting
provided ample space for the bike problem and about the nuclear plant they have talked less;
one possible explanation would be that for the participants the topic of bicycles is more
accessible in several ways, including investment terms (it is much easier to bear), while about
the nuclear plant most of the participants knew almost nothing, and the foresaw costs for its
construction were huge.
So there is a tendency in us to overcome major problems. This is explained by the
fact that it is difficult to focus on them. Or because they seem scary. And then we prefer the
diversion of attention from big things, because often we are tempted to think: I cannot do
anything anyway, Id better take care of something else. And we usually devote time to little
things often less important to our lives.
The problem of control is a key factor of personal development. It has been said
many times that he who has control, has the power. The power to make things happen as we
want. The lack of control can cause anxiety, emotional discomfort, anxiety or even
aggression.
The exercises in this course deal with the acquisition of control over the time, over
the factors of stress, over the relations with the others. Therefore we will address: time
management, stress management and the relationships with the others.
1. Time management
The concept of time management is quite inappropriate. The time flows into its
rhythm, there is no time management. The activities, which require clear and ongoing
consumption of time, can be organized. It can also be traced their effectiveness on a given
unit of time. Overall, what we can actually organize are the resources available and the way
in which we spend them.

Exercise: What have I used it for?

Preparation: none.

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It is often difficult to appreciate how we have spent our time. Review your last typical
week, your Agenda can help you. Starting from the 168 hours a week, do a division
on areas. Try the following sleep, paid work, social relations, maintenance
(personal and of goods), unpaid work and study. Basically, your activities fall
within these areas.
Now look at the allocation of time - a useful tool for the picture of those involved is a
bar chart. What do you think about the relative time allocated to each activity? We
will not do anything now with this information, but they are very valuable for the
decisions you will make.

Result: Without a reasonable estimation of how you use present time, you cannot
have a correct view about the balance and the need for change. Although this exercise
does not result in an immediate action it provides the essential image of the starting
point.

Observations: The best way to make such a summary is to keep a log book for a
week, noting the categories in which your activities fall. Not many people do this
because it seems intrusive. Without such a log it could be very hard to have a picture
of how you use your time. The balance is fundamental for personal development. Do
not forget that there is no wasted time, just time used more or less efficiently to
achieve goals.

Exercise/Technique: Top ten problems list

Preparation: none.

Write down your main issues on which you should focus next week. Put the list at
sight. If you have employees, send them a copy by e-mail.
When you start working, take a look at the list. What you do now has any influence
on the ten? If not, you can do it, but be aware that it is a relatively unimportant thing.
If you are asked to do something that is not within the list and you do not have time,
say no. (Is that tough?) The following week, when you compile the list, make sure
there are changes. There may be priorities that continue, but if everything looks like

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 the last week, that means you are sitting still.

Result: Top ten problems list reflects the essence of your activities. It is useful both at
work and at home. The idea of sharing tasks on the list with the rest of the team was
given to me by Nick Spooner, MD of the Internet commerce company Entranet. Nick
used the list of top ten problems in order to communicate his team the priorities.
Soon, everyone had their own list available at sight. This has increased the company's
remarkable efficiency. A side effect of the list is the reduction of the digression
interruptions. A significant glance at the list when someone is approaching you may
suggest that person to review his priorities.

2. Stress management
The stress seems to be the disease of the modern man.
Internal stressors.
Much of our stress comes from within, from what we think, from what we feel, from
the way we perceive things, how they react to certain stimuli, etc.
External stressors
Certain external factors can constitute a true shock to the individual: a painful loss
(the loss of a loved one, the loss of home or property in a major fire or flood etc, job loss,
etc.), moving house / job, divorce, retirement, etc. Others are small, but they irritate us
continuously - driving on congested roads or on damaged streets, annoyance at work, etc.
Protection against stress
The best way to control stress is not even to allow it to reach us. Natural temptation is
to consider unavoidable most of the stressor. Our goal is not the total elimination of the stress
in our lives, but getting a healthy balance.

Technique: A personal project

Preparation: none.

Personal development refers both to life at home and at work, but most of us put
work first. This exercise encourages you to broaden your perspective. The aim is to
establish a new personal project - an activity aimed at an external object which is not
currently conducting. No matter how busy you are, it is worth doing. Wait a few

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minutes and think about your luggage of goals and capacities, values and obstacles.
Identify an activity in your private life that is not made, or not performing as it should
be. Ideal would be an activity that pays dividends at a reasonable rate - not more than
six months. Now include this activity in your plans. Take something from it every
week, only for a few minutes, but keep it awake. Thus, your priorities will come from
at least one personal project.

Result: Including a personal object between your main activities, you contribute to
the acquisition of that balance that is missing for most of us.

Variations: It may be that the report of your activities to be such as there would be
necessary to add a theme of work to the main activities, but things are rarely so. Do
not add more activities at once. Start with one, and then see what to add. Do not leave
anything when you include the first one. You have to do it when you change more
than the report of activities, but for a single new activity you should not need to
discard anything.

Exercise/Technique: Small success

Preparation: none.

Self-esteem is an important factor contributing to stress control - and without

controlling the stress levels you cannot be perfect. If self-esteem is low, the danger of
contracting diseases related to stress is much higher. One of the factors which
undermine self-esteem is the downward spiral I never succeed in anything - you
feel bad because of failure, so that stress occurs, so you fail even more.
This is a very quickly exercise, with surprisingly large effect on self-esteem. Give
yourself a few minutes to string on paper what you have done during the day. No
matter how bad it was the day, you cannot not find something positive to say - try to
find at least three things; do not accept the idea that there is none. Repeat this
exercise daily for one or two weeks.

Result: It may seem that a so small success - can be just getting to work on time or
I told the children a bedtime story it is a trifle in addition to the problems you

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 have. It doesnt matter; most of the stress induced by the lack of self esteem comes
from the bleak picture that everything comes out wrong. If you think objectively, it
cannot possibly be true - and the fact that you prove it to yourselves can be a very
helpful.

3. The relationships with the others

The way we relate to the others is essential to our state well. Any relation to the
others really means there is a certain relation between us and the other / others, involves a
continuous negotiation between what we are willing to offer our and our own expectations
from the others and their expectations in relation to us. In relationships with the others, when
someone is behaving absurdly there is the tendency to imitate. If someone insults your
family, you feel the need to do the same, indeed perhaps with more conviction. But often
disproportionate reactions are caused by misunderstandings. Calm, self-control, ability to
restore communication are necessary ingredients to defuse conflict states. Continue to give
assurances that no one had any bad intent, but do not make any concessions. No
disproportionate reaction can withstand the manifestations of sympathy.

Exercise: How do you react?

Preparation: none.

Each of us reacts differently to pressure, but all these types of reaction fall into two
categories, called type A and type B by the physician Meyer Friedman (USA), in the
60s. Wait a few minutes and review which of these types of behaviour fits best with
your typical reaction to a given situation. Be fully honest.

Type A
o You feel that the others stand in your way
o You are often very angry
o You have tantrums
o A failure seems very serious
o You do not show emotions
o You always want to do more
o Your life seems an eternal struggle

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 o You like deadlines

Type B
o You like to work with others
o You are usually relaxed
o You look at things calmly
o You forget failure easy
o You do not stop your emotions
o You like things as they are
o Life seems generally mild
o You like to work without deadlines

Observations: If a behaviour of Type A is exhibited to stress-related diseases, it is

instead associated with the idea of getting things out. Often those who reach the top
of the hierarchy have characteristics of type A. The problem is not simple, as always
in distress. It is true that nothing is harder than changing a reaction based on their
personality. This is possible - and stress control techniques come to help - but if you
are prone to Type A it will be hard for you to get a balance with the type B.

Result: If you become aware of your position, you can decide how (and if) you need
to try a balancing of the two types. Keep in mind that such a situation is not white or
black - do not try to change you from type A to type B, but to create a healthy
balance.

Exercise: Exploring trust

Preparation: none.

If you can create an atmosphere of trust with other partners, the chances of getting a
win-win results increase. This exercise helps you explore the mechanism of trust.
Think for five minutes about the relationships based on trust that you had with
family, friends, colleagues - and in negotiations. What made you trust others? How
trust was established? Note a few key factors.
Now think for another five minutes on how these factors can be incorporated into the

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 negotiation process. For example, there are people who meet the expectations.
What can you do during a negotiation to meet the expectations? Something must be
done before the end of negotiation, so that both sides perceive you as such.
In the last five minutes, set the long-term implications of trust. If there is not a single
negotiation, think about how you can use the key factors of trust to develop a trusting
relationship. What should you avoid if you do not want the trust to collapse?

Result: Exercise gives you a better understanding of how you establish trust. Then,
you decide whether to put it into practice in negotiations. If the change is very high,
there will pass enough time before your partners will trust in you. Let time work.

Bibliography:
Baban, A. Stres si personalitate, Ed. Presa Clujeana, Cluj-Napoca, 1999
Clegg, B., Dezvoltarea personal, Ed. Polirom, Iai, 2003
Clemmer, J., Manual de dezvoltare personala continu, Ed. BusinessTech, 2006
Firth, D., How to make work fun? Gower, Aldershot, 1995
Handy, C., The Hungry Spirit, Arrow, Londra, 1998
Miclea, M., Stres si aparare psihica, Ed. Presa Universitara Clujeana, Cluj-Napoca, 1997