Franais 202

Peer editing: La lettre la rdaction

Nom de lEcrivaine : Rachel

Nom du Lecteur/lectrice : Kyra-Nicole

Organization, style, and content:

1. Is the topic of the composition addressed within the first sentence or two so that the writers position is clear?
What is the writers position?

Yes, she thinks that we as Americans should help others. More specifically she focuses on the need to provide
aid so that children in Africa have access to medicine.

2. What techniques does the author use to support and develop her/his arguments? (statistics or other facts, a
dramatic story to illustrate, an anecdote, etc.) Do these make for a creative and original piece of writing? Please
note the examples from your partners work that you find the most helpful and/or convincing in developing the
problem and its proposed solutions.

She focuses on the effects of what not having drugs has on the children. I got a very clear image when she
explained that without these children would die. She heavily relied on empathy for this argument, Il est
ncessaire quon comprenne ce fait et il est essentiel quon fasse ce quon peut faire pour viter une situation
auquelle il y a des milliers denfants qui meurent cause dune pnurie de mdicaments utiles. That phrase,
summarizes her argument very clearly in one sentence making it very clear what the issue is.

2. Is there a sense of development of the argument with a relatively definable beginning, middle and end? How
would you summarize the parts of the argument?

I think there is a good development of the argument we go from very broad to very specific as most arguments do. I
would summarize the beginning as registering that there are problems in Africa that cant be solved without
foreign help, the middle being that children do not have access to useful medicine in Africa so they are dying,
and the end being one solution to help which is foreign aid.

4. Are the points made well-supported and well-developed? Is there any point where more details or information
might strengthen the paper? Any specific suggestions for what kinds of information would be helpful or
interesting, and where to insert this information?

I think overall the argument was good, however, I would add more detail to the solution aspect to fully understand how
we are going to help them. How would they pay for the medicine, what medicine would we send, etc.? Are there any
other solutions? Also painting a deeper picture of what their lives are like without this medicine beyond them dying could
be helpful to draw more on the empathy.

5. Is there a conclusion? If so, what is its tone? If not, what might be added to conclude the letter?
There is a conclusion. I would say that the tone is very much empathetically and serious. She wants us to take action
because we have the choice to while those in Africa may not. I think the conclusion is done well but maybe
make it separate from the solution.
Mechanics, grammar and vocabulary:

1. Is proper form respected (double spaced, appropriate margins, date, salutations, etc.)?

Yes!

2. Is the vocabulary appropriate to the topic? Is it sufficiently varied to remain interesting? Does it show evidence
of skilled use of the dictionary for vocabulary that goes beyond the minimum lexicon? Can you identify any
words with a general meaning that might be replaced by more precise terms? (e.g., avoir, tre, trs, beaucoup,
intressant, etc.)

I believe it is, you did a good job of using interesting and precise terms, but maybe since youre in the science field
you could use more terms that have to do with science or more specific terms in general.

3. Is the basic grammar of French accurate, including agreements, accents, verb tenses and appropriateness? Do
you have any specific grammatical suggestions that would strengthen the paper?

Some words were spelled wrong because of the accent like: Mdicaments, ncessaire and consummation but other
than that spelling was great. Only conjugation error was constitue needed to be used instead of constitute.

4. Is the subjunctive used appropriately/enough? Could it be added anywhere?

I think it was used well; you used the conjunctions to strengthen your argument which was really good. Maybe use
subjunctive in your solutions as well.

5. Are sentence length and complexity appropriate to a French 202 level of ability? Could any shorter sentences be
combined? Could any transitional phrases be added to give greater flow to the overall piece? Please provide
suggestions.

My only suggestion would be to add more transitions between each paragraph.

General reaction:
1. What do you like best about the letter?

I can tell you are passionate and knowledgeable about the subject, it reflects in your essay. You used empathy
extremely well.
2. What is one constructive general suggestion for your partner that could help her/him improve the letter?

Focus more on the effects and solutions to this problem. Maybe talk about why its so important that we help more as
well in the solutions to express that we are the solution.

3. What did you learn from reading this paper? (about the writer, about the subject matter, and/or about the French
language?)

I learned that improper medical access is an extremely important issue going on in Africa today. Most people tend to
focus on their insufficient access to food and water so this was enjoyable to read. I also learned that this is something
you would maybe want to do in the future, going to Africa and providing medical care.