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Madison Ryan

Mann

AP Lit & Comp - Block 4

25 November 2017

Sugary Fly Paper and Cheese Laden Mouse Traps

Human bonds are the most complex and troublesome parts of the human psychology. No

one can truly quantify it themselves, and because of the fundamental communicative disconnect

between people, cannot quantify it in others. The emotions wrought from such relationships are

historically incomprehensible and act to cloud the judgements and hopes of those involved, most

notably in ways that hinder them. George Gascoignes poem For That He Looked not Upon

Her exemplifies that. Echoing the speakers past, the abject, painful imagery and tense language

illuminate his struggle with and wariness of relationships.

It is clear to the reader that the speaker is attracted to and cares for his significant other.

Though he is miserable and admittedly cannot bear to look at her, he still describes her face as

gleaming, her eyes blazing. In the dark, depressive tone in which he writes, she is a light.

Were he to have a poor relationship with or view of her, his begrudging tone would have

remained consistent, so this odd placement of such bright words allows the reader to glean that to

the speaker, this woman is special, even perfect to light up his world. Human empathy dictates

that those living in darkness, like the speaker, need love and support from those they care about,

like the woman. But instead of her fixing his problem, shes the root of it, as demonstrated by his

tone remaining dark. Because this tonal shift never occurs and remains unhappy, a tension in the

poem is created as he battles himself over this woman.

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His conflict seems to take root in his past, as he paints descriptive images of creatures

who have suffered in their past and will strive to not suffer again. The objects of these

metaphors are a mouse which once hath broken out of trap and a scorched fly which once

hath scaped the flame - notably tiny vermin. By paralleling himself to them, he demonstrates

that he too feels small, unwanted, and even disgusting. Both these creatures, too, have broken

from or escaped from some other brush with death, surviving entrapment that is wont to scare

them off from any of their old pleasures. If cheese had led to crushing death and if beautiful light

had singed wings, then no matter the deliciousness or delight, neither will be indulged again.

Since he is the mouse and the fly in this picture, he too has broken free from suffering caused by

temptation. Because the conflict of this poem surrounds his object of affection, the titles Her,

the speaker implies that such pain is caused by relationships in the past. He has been drawn in by

a beautiful woman before, he is saying as he parallels his significant other to a trap, and he

refuses to be burned again. One who has had their heart broken once is loathe to let it happen

again.

Yet still, he loves this woman. She has struck his fancy and he desires her intimately, to

the point where he is almost willing to put her ahead of his own cautions. But after three stanzas

of angst and torment, he finally concludes that he cannot let himself be with her. Like the bait

that once pulled him into a tragic trap, she stands as a figure who will only make him unhappy,

[her] blazing eyes [his] bale have bred. Though he grapples with the parts of him who want to

love again, he lets his trauma dictate how he treats the present and possible future. Rather than

seeing the beauty and love in her, he sees only the tragic ending that he speculates she will push

on him. To avoid the struggle and devastation that comes with romance in his past experiences,

he will not be deceived by the tempting bait, nor again attracted to the scorching fire, nor by
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looking at her face - which are all the same. He will not pursue his love, though he surely wants

to.

The past is a tricky thing; it will scar the psyche and mar it, festering and feeding new

fears and inhibitions for years to come. However, it is a delicate thing to distinguish paranoia

from wisdom. Though he loves her, he will not engage with her, because the pain that awaits is

too devastating to tolerate. He will never truly know whether or not she would have broken his

heart because he let his fear rule him. As people, a species based strongly in emotion, we must

overcome our wounds of the past in order to find a better future. This speaker is Gascoignes

example of what we dont want to be - lest we become like him, we must keep going and looking

forward rather than back in our lives.

Revisions Rationale

Intro: Developed, extended hook Provides a better set up for the

structure and flow of the rest of essay,

First P: Developed and explained the
analysis regarding the significant other
in question
First P: Added to the last transition
sentence
Second P: Changed mouse and fly to
their corresponding quotes
Second P: Added analysis regarding
the importance of the fly and the
mouse and why he is paralleling
himself to them.
Second P: Restructured claim sentence
regarding Her.
Second P: Restructured second to last
sentence to explain what he is saying
and how he is doing it.
Second P: change are to is Grammar
Third P: Modified second sentence to
include the extent of his affection
Third P: Added sentences regarding
the form and length of each part of the
poem
Third P: Added quote to claim
regarding the conclusion made by the
speaker to strengthen it
Third P: Analyzes aforementioned
quote
Third P: Rephrased last sentence
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and a better transition into thesis
Deepens claim made by the evidence
and highlights its importance more
noticeably
Clarified the claims made by the
paragraph and connected it to other
paragraphs. Also added to the theme
of human emotion, strengthening and
focusing the theme
Provides background and evidence for
the paragraph to work with, rather than
just pure analysis
Developed the paragraph and the ideas
presented. Acted as explanation to
why I was introducing them and how
they played into the larger theme
besides the speakers view of himself.
Adds more explicative content.
Better structure and flow, more
appealing in the cosmetic sense
Clears up the purpose of his parallels
to entrapment and realigns the
argument of the essay back to the
speaker
Better conveys the theme, and adds
specifics to evidence and analysis
More solidly backs the poem and
brings structure in on a more relevant
level to the evidence, which in turn
helps wind down the essay as the
characters tension winds down.
Adds validity to the claim and
provides more background to the
essay, and even emphasizes just how
strongly the speaker felt against
looking at, and thus becoming intimate
with, this woman
Added to the theme regarding human
emotion and better tied in with the so
what/who cares in the conclusion
paragraph to help bring together the
different parts of the essay
Clarity, flow, cosmetic appeal.
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Conclusion: Rephrased first sentence
Conclusion: Changed third and fourth
sentences
Conclusion: Added authorial intent
Conveys the new, altered theme that
emotion is dictatorial and that the
speakers attitude is derived from
fear..
Wraps up the assertions made that
condemn the behavior of the speaker,
though understand it. Adds more body
and depth to conclusion, and
transitions better to the so what/who
cares.
Improved flow and impact of final
messages and why the poem is
important beyond the speakers
personal dilemma.

Explanation of Writers Workshop Groups Effect on the Final Draft:

My Writers Workshop group helped pinpoint areas of improvement in my essay, which I

had already thought good. This feedback not only lengthened my paragraphs, gave body to my

ideas, and bettered my evidence/analysis and use of it, but also helped me develop my skills of

autonomously pointing out areas for improvement. When I sat down to write I took their advice

and applied their same logic to other parts of my essay that I felt could use a touch up. I was

startled by how well my ideas took flight from there, morphing from an explication about a

heartbroken speaker to a wider view of human emotion and the tendency to which we let out fear

rule us and why we do that. They also supported my reading of the poem, which if course

boosted my confidence when approaching later poems, but explaining my different

interpretations hones my abilities to articulate my thoughts regarding the tests and pick out

specific details and evidence that may give my reader a better understanding of my meaning. My

sentence structures also improved, sentences that were formerly jaunty and difficult to

comprehend highlighted and noted so that I could improve them to not only be more legible but

also more powerful in their role in the essay.