Nichols 1

Jacob Nichols

Miss Cook

ENGL II-05

17 October, 2017

Does participation in Athletics negatively influence the academic performance of students?

Are sports a distraction from academics in high school and college? Many writers would

agree that if a student is going out of state for athletics that he or she are losing out on time to

study for their classes. Others will say they have to learn how to become more efficient with their

time while studying. Competing in college athletics does not cause athletes to have poor grades,

lack of sleep, or lack of educational options.

Firstly, Travis Vogan, a professor at the University of Iowa, recognized that an athletes

education options are limited. Due to daily practices, meetings, workouts, and games, which last

year round, even in the summer, athletes are often unable to take afternoon classes and are

discouraged from pursuing specific majors (Vogan). According to Vogan, if you want to

become a pharmacist your busy athletic schedule may make it hard to take your lab classes on

Fridays due to traveling out of states for games or meets. The amount of time taken up by

athletics is a major part of their day, there is no denying that. But if athletes learn to master time

management they can continue to keep up with school work and be eligible to continue playing

the sport they love and not pile on too much of a workload to overcome and then later obtain a

degree in their major. Another thing to note is that an athlete can go to tutors. Many other

academic assistance eligibility standards for college athletes have been changing at a very

constant rate due to the amount of research being put into the subject and this is leading athletes

to have to take more time to study and less time for other things. In a study done by Mikala
 Nichols 2

Connery findings suggested that, student athletes tend to have higher grades, self efficacy,

academic motivation, and time management skills than normal college students.

Secondly, David Ridpath a professor of sport management at Ohio University once said

that, academic advisors main orders are to keep the kids eligible, lest they get fired. This

happened in Mr. Ridpaths case when he was at the University of Marshall where he noted that

athletes were relying very heavily on academic advisors and were being spoonfed to the

eligibility standards so that they could be allowed to compete. They may ask do academic

advisors overly assist student athletes to keep them eligible? Practices on average for most

collegiate sports take about 2 to 4 hours a day for about 4 to 5 days a week and games and or

meets take more time. So that is why student athletes are seeking assistance from academic

advisors, what may be a crooked system for some is a very helpful system for those that are

trying to get better in the classroom and get a good education. Its the athletes duty to pursue

their academics just as much as they do their athletics, academic advisors should be a last resort

for athletes who are struggling or who really dont understand a topic being taught to them. A

study carried by The Allrounder found that, Advisors are helping student-athletes manage their

difficult schedule independently and truly impacting their academic and future success on and

off the field (Cols).

Thirdly, Jack Hamilton a professor at the University of Virginia elaborated that, Student

athletes tend to be more overly tired and less responsive in class from athletics throughout the

week(Colas, 1). Do student athletes tend to be more tired and less responsive in the classroom?

On average the recommended amount of sleep needed for teenagers is 9 to 10 hours. Findings

show that 6 out of every 10 student athletes fall short of this recommendation due to their busy

schedules while in high school and college. A study conducted by US National Library of
 Nichols 3

Medicine National Institutes of Health Dr. Ronald Chervin found that, the consequences of

sleep deprivation and daytime sleepiness are especially problematic to college students and can

result in lower grade point averages, increased risk of academic failure, compromised learning,

impaired mood, and increased risk of motor vehicle accidents(Chervin). It is vital for student

athletes to get the correct amount of sleep while in college so that they are able to keep good

grades and be able to have the energy to compete in their athletics. Thats why coaches on

average teach their players to get the right amount of sleep before and after each practice.

Fourthly, Nicole Grimit an undergraduate student at South Dakota State University

discussed that, Professors may show biased to those who compete in profitable athletics for

their certain school of study(Grimit). And lastly, do professors or certain majors show biased to

athletes and do athletes herd to those specific majors? In a 2002-2003 analysis by USA Today

found that 65 percent of athletes at Auburn and Duke University majored in sports management

and or Sociology and their was a large unproportional amount of athletes compared to

undergraduates students in these two specific majors. Mikala Connery says, it is all too common

to see athletes grouped in certain departments or programs under the sheltering wings of faculty

members who appear to care more about their success on the courts, rinks and fields than in the

classroom(Connery). Edward L. Glaeser a professor at the Harvard University discussed that,

In my 14 years teaching at Harvard, I have never heard of anyone being asked for any special

services(Capriccioso). A study conducted in 2006 by the NCAA found that, athletes are not

herding to one such major but a vast majority of majors such as physical health, art and sciences,

or business just to name a few(NCAA).

To conclude, athletics are not a distraction from academics but merely an event that

coincides with one another. In 2002, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA)
 Nichols 4

reported that athletes reached an all-time high graduation rate of 60%, compared to 58% for the

non-athlete population (Gayles, 75).Playing athletics in college is important because of the

things it teaches students such as hard work, determination, the ability to work as a team, and

many more things and also teaches students how to better manage their time. Athletics are

important for keeping morale high among student athletes and others alike it has been proven

that participating in some kind of physical activity was found to be make others overall more

happy and focused in the classroom. Lastly, it is important to have students in college play

athletics because it is a way students can afford to go to college and get a degrees in most cases,

this is their gateway to have a cheaper college education for many athletes. In the future I would

like to see a more assertive position on academics over athletics in the student athlete's case in

college and have students be more of a student athlete and not an athlete-student.

Works Cited

Capriccioso, Rob. Tackling Favoritism for Athletes. Inside Higher Education, 20 July

2006, www.insidehighered.com/news/2006/07/20/sports.
 Nichols 5

Cols, Yago, et al. Professors and Their Athletes: A Look Inside the College Sports

Factory. The Allrounder, Allrounder, 4 Feb. 2015,

http://theallrounder.co/2015/02/04/professors-and-their-athletes-a-look-inside-the-

college-sports-factory/

Connery, Mikala, "Sports involvement and academic functioning in college students".

Theses and Dissertations, Rowan University, 7 April, 2017,

http://rdw.rowan.edu/etd/2429

Gentsch, Holley E. Student-Athlete or Athlete-Student?: A Comparative Study on the

Effects of Role Identity, Time Constraints, and Motivation on Academic Success and

Satisfaction with College-Life Experience. TTU DSpace Home, 1 May 2014, ttu-

ir.tdl.org/ttu-ir/handle/2346/58501.

Grimit, Nicole. "Effects of Student Athletics on Academic Performance," The Journal of

Undergraduate Research: Vol. 12, Article 5, 2014,

http://openprairie.sdstate.edu/jur/vol12/iss1/5

Hershner, Shelley D, and Ronald D Chervin. Causes and Consequences of Sleepiness

among College Students. Nature and Science of Sleep, Dove Medical Press, 2014,

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4075951/.

Peterkin, Elaina. The Miscellany News. College Athletes Face Time Constraints The

Miscellany News, 25 Feb. 2015, www.miscellanynews.org/2015/02/25/sports/college-

athletes-face-time-constraints/

Thomas, Robert Mcg. Jr. Playing Sports Dosen't Lift Grades, Study Finds. The New

York Times, The New York Times, 15 Aug. 1989,

 Nichols 6

www.nytimes.com/1989/08/16/sports/athletics-playing-sports-dosen-t-lift-grades-study-

finds.html.

Trudeau, Franois, and Roy J Shephard. Physical Education, School Physical Activity,

School Sports and Academic Performance. International Journal of Behavioral

Nutrition and Physical Activity, BioMed Central, 25 Feb. 2008.

Rubric rating submitted on: 11/13/2017, 10:31:12 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org

4 3 2 1 0

W.1.a: Hook (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Introduction demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
demonstrated) paragraph a couple errors multiple errors Introduction
Introduction captures the exist) exist) paragraph
paragraph reader's Introduction Introduction captures the
captures the attention. paragraph paragraph reader's
reader's captures the captures the attention.
attention. reader's reader's
attention. attention.

W.1. a: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt) A

Summary creatively A brief demonstrate, but demonstrate, but brief summary
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A summary of any a couple errors multiple errors of any
brief summary background exist) A brief exist) A brief background
of any information is summary of any summary of any information is
background given to background background given to
information is anticipate the information is information is anticipate the
given to reader's given to given to reader's
anticipate the knowledge anticipate the anticipate the knowledge
reader's level--no more reader's reader's level--no more
knowledge than a couple knowledge knowledge than a couple
level--no more sentences. level--no more level--no more sentences
than a couple than a couple than a couple
sentences. sentences. sentences.

W.1.a: Purpose (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt)

& Signifiance creatively The topic and demonstrate, but demonstrate, but The topic and
Your score: 4 demonstrated) purpose of the a couple of multiple errors purpose of the
The topic and essay is clearly errors exist) The exist) The topic essay is clearly
purpose of the identified. The topic and and purpose of identified. The
 Nichols 7

essay is clearly importance of purpose of the the essay is importance of

identified. The the topic is essay is clearly clearly the topic is
importance of emphasized. identified. The identified. The emphasized.
the topic is importance of importance of
emphasized. the topic is the topic is
emphasized. emphasized.

W.1.a: Thesis (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (no attempt
Your score: 2 creatively The last a couple errors multiple errors made) The last
demonstrated) sentence is a exist) The last exist) The last sentence is a
The last thesis statement sentence is a sentence is a thesis statement
sentence is a that is clear, thesis statement thesis statement that is clear,
thesis statement argumentative, that is clear, that is clear, argumentative,
that is clear, sophisticated, argumentative, argumentative, sophisticated,
argumentative, and insightful. sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful.
sophisticated, and insightful. and insightful.
and insightful.

W. 1. a: Topic (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (No attempt
Sentences creatively Each body a couple errors multiple errors made) Each
Your score: 4 demonstrated) paragraph exist) Each body exist) Each body body paragraph
Each body begins with a paragraph paragraph begins with a
paragraph clear, begins with a begins with a clear,
begins with a sophisticated, clear, clear, sophisticated,
clear, and insightful sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful
sophisticated, topic sentence. and insightful and insightful topic sentence.
and insightful topic sentence. topic sentence.
topic sentence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Organization & creatively Claims, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Claims,
Sequencing demonstrated) counterclaims, a couple errors multiple errors counterclaims,
Your score: 4 Claims, reasons, and exist) Claims, exist) Claims, reasons, and
counterclaims, evidence are counterclaims, counterclaims, evidence are
reasons, and effectively reasons, and reasons, and effectively
evidence are structured and evidence are evidence are structured and
effectively organized in a effectively effectively organized in a
structured and logical structured and structured and logical
organized in a sequence. organized in a organized in a sequence.
logical logical logical
sequence. sequence. sequence.

W. 1. b: Genre (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 2 creatively The essay demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
demonstrated) contains all a couple errors multiple errors essay contains
The essay necessary exist) The essay exist) The essay all necessary
contains all componets for contains all contains all componets for
 Nichols 8

necessary the genre. necessary necessary the genre.

componets for componets for componets for
the genre. the genre. the genre.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Significance of creatively The significance demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Claims demonstrated) of the claims is a couple errors multiple errors significance of
Your score: 4 The significance clearly exist) The exist)The the claims is
of the claims is established for significance of significance of clearly
clearly the audience the claims is the claims is established for
established for throughout the clearly clearly the audience
the audience body. established for established for throughout the
throughout the the audience the audience body.
body. throughout the throughout the
body. body.

W. 1. c: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Transitions creatively Thoughtful demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Thoughtfu
Your score: 4 demonstrated) progression of a couple errors multiple errors l progression of
Thoughtful ideas and details exist) exist) ideas and details
progression of with sound Thoughtful Thoughtful with sound
ideas and details transitions to progression of progression of transitions to
with sound show connection ideas and details ideas and details show connection
transitions to between points with sound with sound between points
show connection and paragraphs. transitions to transitions to and paragraphs.
between points show connection show connection
and paragraphs. between points between points
and paragraphs. and paragraphs.

W. 1. b: Focus (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 3 creatively Maintains a demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Maintains
demonstrated) consistent focus a couple errors multiple errors a consistent
Maintains a throughout. exist) Maintains exist) Maintains focus
consistent focus Thesis is a consistent a consistent throughout.
throughout. effectively focus focus Thesis is
Thesis is woven throughout. throughout. effectively
effectively throughout Thesis is Thesis is woven
woven every body effectively effectively throughout
throughout paragraph, with woven woven every body
every body ideas always throughout throughout paragraph, with
paragraph, with related back to every body every body ideas always
ideas always thesis in order to paragraph, with paragraph, with related back to
related back to prove the central ideas always ideas always thesis in order to
thesis in order to claim. related back to related back to prove the central
prove the central thesis in order to thesis in order to claim.
claim. prove the central prove the central
claim. claim.
 Nichols 9

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Examples & creatively Contains demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Contains
Details demonstrated) effective, a couple errors multiple errors effective,
Your score: 2 Contains specific, exist) Contains exist) Contains specific,
effective, relevant effective, effective, relevant
specific, examples and specific, specific, examples and
relevant details to back relevant relevant details to back
examples and up major claims examples and examples and up major claims
details to back in each body details to back details to back in each body
up major claims paragraph. up major claims up major claims paragraph.
in each body in each body in each body
paragraph. paragraph. paragraph.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Reflection of creatively Clear reflection demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Clear
Evidence demonstrated) on the evidence a couple errors multiple errors reflection on the
Your score: 3 Clear reflection is referenced exist) Clear exist) Clear evidence is
on the evidence from the text reflection on the reflection on the referenced from
is referenced and thoroughly evidence is evidence is the text and
from the text and clearly referenced from referenced from thoroughly and
and thoroughly explained to the the text and the text and clearly
and clearly audience. thoroughly and thoroughly and explained to the
explained to the clearly clearly audience.
audience. explained to the explained to the
audience. audience.

W. 1. f: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Rephrase Thesis creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Your score: 4 demonstrated) restates thesis a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Conclusion and supports the exist) exist) restates thesis
restates thesis claims in the Conclusion Conclusion and supports the
and supports the essay. restates thesis restates thesis claims in the
claims in the and supports the and supports the essay.
essay. claims in the claims in the
essay. essay.

W. 1. f: So (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

What/Look to creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
the Future demonstrated) offers closure a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Your score: 4 Conclusion and leaves the exist) exist) offers closure
offers closure reader thinking Conclusion Conclusion and leaves the
and leaves the by answering offers closure offers closure reader thinking
reader thinking the So What? and leaves the and leaves the by answering
 Nichols 10

by answering question. The reader thinking reader thinking the So What?

the So What? significance the by answering by answering question. The
question. The major claim is the So What? the So What? significance the
significance the clear to the question. The question. The major claim is
major claim is reader. significance the significance the clear to the
clear to the major claim is major claim is reader.
reader. clear to the clear to the
reader. reader.

L. 2: Sentence (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Complexity/Vari creatively Sentence variety demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentence
ety demonstrated) is effective and a couple errors multiple errors variety is
Your score: 4 Sentence variety sophisticated. exist) Sentence exist) Sentence effective and
is effective and variety is variety is sophisticated.
sophisticated. effective and effective and
sophisticated. sophisticated.

W. 1. e: Style & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Tone creatively A formal style demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) A formal
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A and appropriate a couple errors multiple errors style and
formal style and tone is exist) A formal exist) A formal appropriate tone
appropriate tone established and style and style and is established
is established maintained. appropriate tone appropriate tone and maintained.
and maintained. is established is established
and maintained. and maintained.

W. 1. d: Word (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Choice creatively Word demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Word
Your score: 4 demonstrated) choice/vocabula a couple errors multiple errors choice/vocabula
Word ry is exist) Word exist) Word ry is
choice/vocabula sophisticated choice/vocabula choice/vocabula sophisticated
ry is and effective. ry is ry is and effective.
sophisticated sophisticated sophisticated
and effective. and effective. and effective.

W. 4: Clarity (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Writing is clear, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Writing is
demonstrated) concise, and a couple errors multiple errors clear, concise,
Writing is clear, strong.The essay exist) Writing is exist) Writing is and strong.
concise, and is a little shy of clear, concise, clear, concise, The essay
strong. The the minimum and strong. and strong. significantly
essay meets the length The essay fails The essay fails fails to meet the
minimum length requirement. to meet the to meet the minimum length
requirement. minimum length minimum length requirement.
 Nichols 11

requirement. requirement.

L. 2: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Capitalization & creatively Sentences demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentences
Usage demonstrated) demonstrate a couple errors multiple errors demonstrate
Your score: 4 Sentences correct exist) Sentences exist) Sentences correct
demonstrate capitalization. demonstrate demonstrate capitalization.
correct Correct and correct correct Correct and
capitalization. consistent verb capitalization. capitalization. consistent verb
Correct and tense is present; Correct and Correct and tense is present;
consistent verb words are used consistent verb consistent verb words are used
tense is present; correctly. tense is present; tense is present; correctly.
words are used words are used words are used
correctly. correctly. correctly.

L. 2: Spelling, (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

RO/Frag, & creatively There are no demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) There are
Punctuation demonstrated) spelling errors, a couple errors multiple errors no spelling
Your score: 4 There are no run-ons, and/or exist) There are exist) There are errors, run-ons,
spelling errors, fragments. no spelling no spelling and/or
run-ons, and/or errors, run-ons, errors, run-ons, fragments.
fragments. and/or and/or
fragments. fragments.

W. 8: Relevant (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Information creatively The information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Your score: 4 demonstrated) from research a couple errors multiple errors information
The information used in each exist) The exist) The from research
from research body paragraph information information used in each
used in each are relevant and from research from research body paragraph
body paragraph effectively used in each used in each are relevant and
are relevant and support the body paragraph body paragraph effectively
effectively thesis and the are relevant and are relevant and support the
support the claims. effectively effectively thesis and the
thesis and the support the support the claims.
claims. thesis and the thesis and the
claims. claims.

W. 8: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Integrating creatively Information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Information demonstrated) from research is a couple errors multiple errors Information
Your score: 4 Information integrated into exist) exist) from research is
from research is the essay Information Information integrated into
 Nichols 12

integrated into selectively to from research is from research is the essay

the essay maintain the integrated into integrated into selectively to
selectively to flow of ideas, the essay the essay maintain the
maintain the avoiding selectively to selectively to flow of ideas,
flow of ideas, plagiarism, and maintain the maintain the avoiding
avoiding overreliance on flow of ideas, flow of ideas, plagiarism, and
plagiarism, and the research. avoiding avoiding overreliance on
overreliance on plagiarism, and plagiarism, and the research.
the research. overreliance on overreliance on
the research. the research.

W. 8: Accuracy (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively All supportive demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) All
demonstrated) facts and a couple errors multiple errors supportive facts
All supportive sources are exist) All exist) All and sources are
facts and reported supportive facts supportive facts reported
sources are accurately. and sources are and sources are accurately.
reported reported reported
accurately. accurately. accurately.

W. 8: Citations (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 2 creatively Each demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Each
demonstrated) quote/paraphras a couple errors multiple errors quote/paraphras
Each e is exist) Each exist) Each e is
quote/paraphras appropriately quote/paraphras quote/paraphras appropriately
e is cited using in- e is e is cited using in-
appropriately text citations. appropriately appropriately text citations.
cited using in- cited using in- cited using in-
text citations. text citations. text citations.

L. 3: MLA (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Format creatively Paper is demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Paper is
Your score: 4 demonstrated) formatted a couple errors multiple errors formatted
Paper is according to exist) Paper is exist) Paper is according to
formatted MLA formatted formatted MLA
according to guidelines, according to according to guidelines,
MLA including: MLA MLA including:
guidelines, heading with guidelines, guidelines, heading with
including: name, teacher, including: including: name, teacher,
heading with class & period, heading with heading with class & period,
name, teacher, and date, name, teacher, name, teacher, and date,
class & period, centered title, class & period, class & period, centered title,
and date, and correctly and date, and date, and correctly
centered title, formatted centered title, centered title, formatted
and correctly paragraphs. and correctly and correctly paragraphs.
 Nichols 13

formatted formatted formatted

paragraphs. paragraphs. paragraphs.

Comments:
Total: 90/100 B+

You create a decent argument. It's not supported with enough concrete evidence to fully support
your points, but it's not a weak argument either. You did a good job organizing your points in
your paragraphs. There are some formatting issues that should be addressed as well. Overall, this
is a good start, there just doesn't seem to be enough evidence to really fully support the argument
you're making.
Rubric rating submitted on: 12/16/2017, 9:55:03 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org
4 3 2 1 0

W.1.a: Hook (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Introduction demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
demonstrated) paragraph a couple errors multiple errors Introduction
Introduction captures the exist) exist) paragraph
paragraph reader's Introduction Introduction captures the
captures the attention. paragraph paragraph reader's
reader's captures the captures the attention.
attention. reader's reader's
attention. attention.

W.1. a: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt) A

Summary creatively A brief demonstrate, but demonstrate, but brief summary
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A summary of any a couple errors multiple errors of any
brief summary background exist) A brief exist) A brief background
of any information is summary of any summary of any information is
background given to background background given to
information is anticipate the information is information is anticipate the
given to reader's given to given to reader's
anticipate the knowledge anticipate the anticipate the knowledge
reader's level--no more reader's reader's level--no more
knowledge than a couple knowledge knowledge than a couple
level--no more sentences. level--no more level--no more sentences
than a couple than a couple than a couple
sentences. sentences. sentences.

W.1.a: Purpose (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt)

& Signifiance creatively The topic and demonstrate, but demonstrate, but The topic and
Your score: 4 demonstrated) purpose of the a couple of multiple errors purpose of the
The topic and essay is clearly errors exist) The exist) The topic essay is clearly
 Nichols 14

purpose of the identified. The topic and and purpose of identified. The
essay is clearly importance of purpose of the the essay is importance of
identified. The the topic is essay is clearly clearly the topic is
importance of emphasized. identified. The identified. The emphasized.
the topic is importance of importance of
emphasized. the topic is the topic is
emphasized. emphasized.

W.1.a: Thesis (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (no attempt
Your score: 4 creatively The last a couple errors multiple errors made) The last
demonstrated) sentence is a exist) The last exist) The last sentence is a
The last thesis statement sentence is a sentence is a thesis statement
sentence is a that is clear, thesis statement thesis statement that is clear,
thesis statement argumentative, that is clear, that is clear, argumentative,
that is clear, sophisticated, argumentative, argumentative, sophisticated,
argumentative, and insightful. sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful.
sophisticated, and insightful. and insightful.
and insightful.

W. 1. a: Topic (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted, but (Attempted, but (No attempt
Sentences creatively Each body a couple errors multiple errors made) Each
Your score: 4 demonstrated) paragraph exist) Each body exist) Each body body paragraph
Each body begins with a paragraph paragraph begins with a
paragraph clear, begins with a begins with a clear,
begins with a sophisticated, clear, clear, sophisticated,
clear, and insightful sophisticated, sophisticated, and insightful
sophisticated, topic sentence. and insightful and insightful topic sentence.
and insightful topic sentence. topic sentence.
topic sentence.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Organization & creatively Claims, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Claims,
Sequencing demonstrated) counterclaims, a couple errors multiple errors counterclaims,
Your score: 4 Claims, reasons, and exist) Claims, exist) Claims, reasons, and
counterclaims, evidence are counterclaims, counterclaims, evidence are
reasons, and effectively reasons, and reasons, and effectively
evidence are structured and evidence are evidence are structured and
effectively organized in a effectively effectively organized in a
structured and logical structured and structured and logical
organized in a sequence. organized in a organized in a sequence.
logical logical logical
sequence. sequence. sequence.

W. 1. b: Genre (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 2 creatively The essay demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
demonstrated) contains all a couple errors multiple errors essay contains
The essay necessary exist) The essay exist) The essay all necessary
 Nichols 15

contains all componets for contains all contains all componets for
necessary the genre. necessary necessary the genre.
componets for componets for componets for
the genre. the genre. the genre.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Significance of creatively The significance demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Claims demonstrated) of the claims is a couple errors multiple errors significance of
Your score: 4 The significance clearly exist) The exist)The the claims is
of the claims is established for significance of significance of clearly
clearly the audience the claims is the claims is established for
established for throughout the clearly clearly the audience
the audience body. established for established for throughout the
throughout the the audience the audience body.
body. throughout the throughout the
body. body.

W. 1. c: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Transitions creatively Thoughtful demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Thoughtfu
Your score: 4 demonstrated) progression of a couple errors multiple errors l progression of
Thoughtful ideas and details exist) exist) ideas and details
progression of with sound Thoughtful Thoughtful with sound
ideas and details transitions to progression of progression of transitions to
with sound show connection ideas and details ideas and details show connection
transitions to between points with sound with sound between points
show connection and paragraphs. transitions to transitions to and paragraphs.
between points show connection show connection
and paragraphs. between points between points
and paragraphs. and paragraphs.

W. 1. b: Focus (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 3 creatively Maintains a demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)Maintains
demonstrated) consistent focus a couple errors multiple errors a consistent
Maintains a throughout. exist) Maintains exist) Maintains focus
consistent focus Thesis is a consistent a consistent throughout.
throughout. effectively focus focus Thesis is
Thesis is woven throughout. throughout. effectively
effectively throughout Thesis is Thesis is woven
woven every body effectively effectively throughout
throughout paragraph, with woven woven every body
every body ideas always throughout throughout paragraph, with
paragraph, with related back to every body every body ideas always
ideas always thesis in order to paragraph, with paragraph, with related back to
related back to prove the central ideas always ideas always thesis in order to
thesis in order to claim. related back to related back to prove the central
prove the central thesis in order to thesis in order to claim.
claim. prove the central prove the central
 Nichols 16

claim. claim.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Examples & creatively Contains demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Contains
Details demonstrated) effective, a couple errors multiple errors effective,
Your score: 2 Contains specific, exist) Contains exist) Contains specific,
effective, relevant effective, effective, relevant
specific, examples and specific, specific, examples and
relevant details to back relevant relevant details to back
examples and up major claims examples and examples and up major claims
details to back in each body details to back details to back in each body
up major claims paragraph. up major claims up major claims paragraph.
in each body in each body in each body
paragraph. paragraph. paragraph.

W. 1. b: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Reflection of creatively Clear reflection demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Clear
Evidence demonstrated) on the evidence a couple errors multiple errors reflection on the
Your score: 3 Clear reflection is referenced exist) Clear exist) Clear evidence is
on the evidence from the text reflection on the reflection on the referenced from
is referenced and thoroughly evidence is evidence is the text and
from the text and clearly referenced from referenced from thoroughly and
and thoroughly explained to the the text and the text and clearly
and clearly audience. thoroughly and thoroughly and explained to the
explained to the clearly clearly audience.
audience. explained to the explained to the
audience. audience.

W. 1. f: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Rephrase Thesis creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Your score: 4 demonstrated) restates thesis a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Conclusion and supports the exist) exist) restates thesis
restates thesis claims in the Conclusion Conclusion and supports the
and supports the essay. restates thesis restates thesis claims in the
claims in the and supports the and supports the essay.
essay. claims in the claims in the
essay. essay.

W. 1. f: So (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

What/Look to creatively Conclusion demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
the Future demonstrated) offers closure a couple errors multiple errors Conclusion
Your score: 4 Conclusion and leaves the exist) exist) offers closure
offers closure reader thinking Conclusion Conclusion and leaves the
and leaves the by answering offers closure offers closure reader thinking
 Nichols 17

reader thinking the So What? and leaves the and leaves the by answering
by answering question. The reader thinking reader thinking the So What?
the So What? significance the by answering by answering question. The
question. The major claim is the So What? the So What? significance the
significance the clear to the question. The question. The major claim is
major claim is reader. significance the significance the clear to the
clear to the major claim is major claim is reader.
reader. clear to the clear to the
reader. reader.

L. 2: Sentence (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Complexity/Vari creatively Sentence variety demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentence
ety demonstrated) is effective and a couple errors multiple errors variety is
Your score: 4 Sentence variety sophisticated. exist) Sentence exist) Sentence effective and
is effective and variety is variety is sophisticated.
sophisticated. effective and effective and
sophisticated. sophisticated.

W. 1. e: Style & (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Tone creatively A formal style demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) A formal
Your score: 4 demonstrated) A and appropriate a couple errors multiple errors style and
formal style and tone is exist) A formal exist) A formal appropriate tone
appropriate tone established and style and style and is established
is established maintained. appropriate tone appropriate tone and maintained.
and maintained. is established is established
and maintained. and maintained.

W. 1. d: Word (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Choice creatively Word demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Word
Your score: 4 demonstrated) choice/vocabula a couple errors multiple errors choice/vocabula
Word ry is exist) Word exist) Word ry is
choice/vocabula sophisticated choice/vocabula choice/vocabula sophisticated
ry is and effective. ry is ry is and effective.
sophisticated sophisticated sophisticated
and effective. and effective. and effective.

W. 4: Clarity (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Writing is clear, demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Writing is
demonstrated) concise, and a couple errors multiple errors clear, concise,
Writing is clear, strong.The essay exist) Writing is exist) Writing is and strong.
concise, and is a little shy of clear, concise, clear, concise, The essay
strong. The the minimum and strong. and strong. significantly
essay meets the length The essay fails The essay fails fails to meet the
minimum length requirement. to meet the to meet the minimum length
 Nichols 18

requirement. minimum length minimum length requirement.

requirement. requirement.

L. 2: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Capitalization & creatively Sentences demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Sentences
Usage demonstrated) demonstrate a couple errors multiple errors demonstrate
Your score: 4 Sentences correct exist) Sentences exist) Sentences correct
demonstrate capitalization. demonstrate demonstrate capitalization.
correct Correct and correct correct Correct and
capitalization. consistent verb capitalization. capitalization. consistent verb
Correct and tense is present; Correct and Correct and tense is present;
consistent verb words are used consistent verb consistent verb words are used
tense is present; correctly. tense is present; tense is present; correctly.
words are used words are used words are used
correctly. correctly. correctly.

L. 2: Spelling, (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

RO/Frag, & creatively There are no demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) There are
Punctuation demonstrated) spelling errors, a couple errors multiple errors no spelling
Your score: 4 There are no run-ons, and/or exist) There are exist) There are errors, run-ons,
spelling errors, fragments. no spelling no spelling and/or
run-ons, and/or errors, run-ons, errors, run-ons, fragments.
fragments. and/or and/or
fragments. fragments.

W. 8: Relevant (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Information creatively The information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) The
Your score: 4 demonstrated) from research a couple errors multiple errors information
The information used in each exist) The exist) The from research
from research body paragraph information information used in each
used in each are relevant and from research from research body paragraph
body paragraph effectively used in each used in each are relevant and
are relevant and support the body paragraph body paragraph effectively
effectively thesis and the are relevant and are relevant and support the
support the claims. effectively effectively thesis and the
thesis and the support the support the claims.
claims. thesis and the thesis and the
claims. claims.

W. 8: (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Integrating creatively Information demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made)
Information demonstrated) from research is a couple errors multiple errors Information
Your score: 4 Information integrated into exist) exist) from research is
 Nichols 19

from research is the essay Information Information integrated into

integrated into selectively to from research is from research is the essay
the essay maintain the integrated into integrated into selectively to
selectively to flow of ideas, the essay the essay maintain the
maintain the avoiding selectively to selectively to flow of ideas,
flow of ideas, plagiarism, and maintain the maintain the avoiding
avoiding overreliance on flow of ideas, flow of ideas, plagiarism, and
plagiarism, and the research. avoiding avoiding overreliance on
overreliance on plagiarism, and plagiarism, and the research.
the research. overreliance on overreliance on
the research. the research.

W. 8: Accuracy (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively All supportive demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) All
demonstrated) facts and a couple errors multiple errors supportive facts
All supportive sources are exist) All exist) All and sources are
facts and reported supportive facts supportive facts reported
sources are accurately. and sources are and sources are accurately.
reported reported reported
accurately. accurately. accurately.

W. 8: Citations (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Your score: 4 creatively Each demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Each
demonstrated) quote/paraphras a couple errors multiple errors quote/paraphras
Each e is exist) Each exist) Each e is
quote/paraphras appropriately quote/paraphras quote/paraphras appropriately
e is cited using in- e is e is cited using in-
appropriately text citations. appropriately appropriately text citations.
cited using in- cited using in- cited using in-
text citations. text citations. text citations.

L. 3: MLA (Fully and (Demonstrated) (Attempted to (Attempted to (No attempt

Format creatively Paper is demonstrate, but demonstrate, but made) Paper is
Your score: 4 demonstrated) formatted a couple errors multiple errors formatted
Paper is according to exist) Paper is exist) Paper is according to
formatted MLA formatted formatted MLA
according to guidelines, according to according to guidelines,
MLA including: MLA MLA including:
guidelines, heading with guidelines, guidelines, heading with
including: name, teacher, including: including: name, teacher,
heading with class & period, heading with heading with class & period,
name, teacher, and date, name, teacher, name, teacher, and date,
class & period, centered title, class & period, class & period, centered title,
and date, and correctly and date, and date, and correctly
centered title, formatted centered title, centered title, formatted
 Nichols 20

and correctly paragraphs. and correctly and correctly paragraphs.

formatted formatted formatted
paragraphs. paragraphs. paragraphs.

Comments:
Total: 94/100 A-

You did a good job revising the thesis and correcting other smaller errors, but no additional
evidence was really added.