!. - .

, i"terc"ture

Beror-e You Aead Excerpt from When I Was Puerto Rican

• Imagine that you moved to By Esmeralda Santiago
another country and that you
didn't know the language. What
implications would this have for
AShotatlt -) C\JYlCA 0for.l-uMcC.o.d ,
v t'\ C-OV\C a.~ VD r\.U. \ io. vv-o
your studies?
One morning, Mr. Barone, a guidanee eounselor, eallep me to his
~..J t-</f< 9.,"q'~ !l (1"1. <l,v\ c.'¡:-...-, u:>tc c.I."t::llClV\~
office, Re was shdrt, with a big head and rarge hazel eyes under shapely
\:,().~ o ') e, e, ::.o.-S e Iq \,r:/-.I_'i.'O.. -.l...&.., rlt'... P'r1V1+C:-VI

eyeorows. His nose was long and round at the tipo He dressed intbrowns
6 o IqCo-. \ c,v¡ ta.l. c.LL c.a. I ¿, '1 "\ ry.Y\ te,.
and 'y'ellows and often percned his tortolseshell glasses on his forenead,
WY'1..V:5'· A-\N~e(A. O-fro pc'( cU. o.&-~ o..((I.~
as if he hád another set of eyes up tnere. .
O{;~ 't,v~ elY\?\)~O ;,vs 3"+()'lh"~&.'l\1\.\,A... q' ~v~t.rc!.; ~(CVo..,-¡Jc St.b) jrCLVfj.(
'So," ne pushed his glasses up, "what do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Insigh"t •• "1 don't know." ,
•• '\(a.";",,o 01\0<; o.. -Ju <1\~
~1A~a..k¡
He shuffled through some papers. "Let's see here ... you're fourteen,
\lOMOS

is that right?"
"Yes sir."
'\ -0\)V\co.... ",~'7 f>c.Y'~G..~ (2V\ lo '<\' qU\C.ft.S ')9-i?
"And you've never thought about what you want to be?" (
c.,1) ().V\clD I!..I~\. 'lY\V~ ~V¿'fI\ '10 qua.dÁ SX tJl/l~ Cv().t1b ~<O. -Mo...yo
When I was ver'y'yQung, I wanted to be ajíbara.",When I ""!t~s older, I
(..1 va. v..!"
~ CP-~\"o~I&'\. fO \ u é-!j o +o 1:"t>~ n~ €O \"11-<'0 da.s o..<- c¡ U I.C.
I\.t..jo.
wanted to be a ea ográpher, tfieñ a,~9pograpner. But sinee we'd tome
t?$~ 1'\ o ha. (~ ?d"S~CI:o (Y'UCvw
r +v-lJ.,ro. I...V\ ~

to Brooklyn, I'd not thought áfiout the future rnuch.

Esmeralda Santiago (1948-) "No, sir.': \ , ,
1::1 \oe<Jo o, J.o<{\t4 oUbc. 5:J...(
5 u"., ~~:~C\.) r{!'\fl~
At the age of thirteen, Puerto Rican
_lit He pulled his glasses down to where they belonged and shuffled
author Esmeralda Santiago moved ~ V\\J/!."O \0 '5 PC(?,á.~ .
with her family to New York. She
through the papers agáin, . \ (c;....
\" '¿I'U.-O o..\~v" po.sc;<.:haMfo 'iD nO"2:>c<kl~ C' q sa I-Lt<-f\..

studied in New York City's High "Do you have any hobbies?" I didn't know what he meant. .1 ....
School of Performing Arts, where she el ¡novio \0-5 (Y\cv10l WfYlQ s~ e.sJ.v-/,¡;tro.. VJCACt:eIJ00 Y'VJú!K:.

majored in drama and dance. She "oec,.'s'Hobbies, hpbbies," he f1ailed his hands, as if he were juggling,
\'- q'. -to.~V5~6\
"U c.tl.SfY¿) f.klA.e.Sa.d.J~
y\().c.L/l

graduated from Harvard University in "things you liké to do after senoo ." \' 'l.
1976. She has published her memoirs:
\<ú,\ó de- ~<l1Clj;V\61 lo e.¡ Y),c..é.et) eo-s •••...q (-Jod(/'A-c<7cI/~w
"Ah, yes." I tried to imagine what I did at home that might qualify as
When I Was Puerto Rican (1994), ."\0 ~G\~<-kGJl"\p'(7 MCl9uS.fo. Ia.a:r
Almost a Woman (1998), and The a hooby. '1Iike to read."
?,¡;;tt cY(..(IÁ. clóúl-p.vZoYlCÁtW 'Sa.'oo.f)'\,O) 8::'0 d...t. ..¡.,:,
Turkish Lover (2004). She also wrote He seemed disappointed. "Yes, we know that about you." r. (
the novels America 's Dream (1997) .s a: ?Y\ c.\:vt.6 S '"o re. e(
and Conquistadora (2011). o~\u...Mr. Barone oushed hi§ zlasses up agai,n and lea~ d over the staek
~. "'-\.r~t'd-~ ¡;.lo., 5 (T <1~!'~ ,O'f,,\uc.:') o lo I?' l<tn Sa.5 '"f (l!.5lÁ;5
In her first memoir, When I Was Puerto of papers en his aes
C¡l..«(AV\
. "Why ¿l --pt;
r!.on,-"tyou 60"\
think
GV<
about I ano get baek to
IVI, y\p()'i\oy!!.

Rican, Esmeralda Santiago recounts me," he said, closing"the fojder, with m.v
v.)o :¡;V/J (Y\ctV'o," sd:>'(C,El"· ¿;;1'\'l.O '): a,'wVia."
,name aeross
G\(lft.-,.Cil'\~ at~o
the tOO. He t¿,
(1;<2!..$ ""1-4 \.l'~
out
her childhood in Puerto Rico and the his nand flat, on, it, as if squeezing something oat. "You're a smart glrl¡
T6-V\,C<.I'V\.Q5
,<'1 l\,R:\) (!;1ft(.. CIc o ()<'\.. G;; C<.-Ul.-l<X.. fO-r.A.. 4' 1l<..v\gCLJ v h A..-
process of moving with her family to Esmeraldl ~et's trLyto get you into an aeaaemie sehool so that you have
New York. She recounts the hardships D\i:D(h+Vt "'ti Ae: It'l,,("\.) uV\·,vu.sí "xa.Á·
él S o a eo 11 ege. "'j l' r" •
they had to endure, but also how she u ()o s d: c<s tv1AS +Orde. \I1<l. l (a(YlO (SId.. tlUd. 1C-. o..S u oí' 4 (\ A.. •
met her goals. A few days later, Mr. Barone ealled me baek to his offiee.

• •
• perch: [portj] v. to cause to rest on as on a perch or horizontal red
• juggle: ['d3d9dl] v. to t05S and catch objects in the air

80
..
 Reading •

~=---------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
9cU( u i"n...s f'I\ tt '}C-Icr /;<. J "CFcb. /'
"Well?" Tiny green ~Iecks burned around the black pupils of his
hazel eyes.
The night before, Mami had called us into the living room. On the
television "fifty of America's most beautiful girls" paraded in ruffled
tulle dr ses efore a tinse waterfall. (oo.) J::¡Q.;
~ (
"I'd li e to be a model," I said to Mr. Barone .. 0 ~}
.....
-\'(,,\ci.0 r,)cs>\D\.¡1l' !lo 0) » /1 .
He staréd at me, pulled his glasses down from his forehead, looked o
at the pa ers i side the folder with my name on it, and glared. ,.o.::
12. x . -tóJ--- ¡ I ~ RJrv
"A model?" His voice ?las gruff, as if he were more comfortab~
yelling at~~ple than ta ki~ to them. '0(0\",,0
~<!)v- de "Ó.QJ ~' : '0\ .( ~
J ,,"1 want to be on television." llY f}Dl
OV ~~~~~
-;....."0h, then yo u;>want to be an actress," in a tone that said this was
onlya slight improvement over my first carter choice. We stared at one
another fo~a few seconds. He pushed his glasses"-Gpto his forehead
again and reached for a book on the shelf in back of him. "1 only know
f one school that trains actresses, but we've never sent them a student
r om here."
Performing Arts, the write-up said, was an academic, as opposed
to a vocational, public school that trained students wishing to pursue a
career in theater, music, and dance.
"lt says here that you have to audition." He stood up and held the
ook closer to the faint gray light coming through the narrow window
igh on his wall.
"Have you ever performed in front of an audience?"
"1 was announcer in my school show in Puerto Rico," 1said. "And 1
ecite poetry. There, not here."
He closed the book and held it against his chest. His right index
nger thumped a rhythm on his lower lip. "Let me call them and find
out exactly what you need to do. Then we can talk some more."
I left his office strangely happy, confident that something good had
just happened, not knowing exactly what.

***
"The auditions are in less than a month. You have to learn a
monologue, which you will perform in front of a panel. If you do well,
and your grades here are good, you might get into the school."
Mr. Barone took charge of preparing me for my audition to
• •
• fleck: [flek] n. a small patch of color
tinsel: ['trnsal] n. a metallic substance, used in pieces or strips to produce
a sparkling effect cheaply

81
-Ac-
 i"terc"ture
e You Aead
Identify and analyze the details
the author emphasizes in her
descriptions of the characters.
Keep in mind what you learned
about description in the previous
chapter.
Pay attention to the excerpt's
tone: the author's attitude toward
the subject.
82
AC;f 1
Performing Arts. He selected a speech from The Si/ver Cord, a play by
Sidnev Howard, first performed in 1926, but whose action took place in
a New York drawing room circa 1905.
"Mr. Gatti, the English teacher," he said, "will coach you .... And Mrs.
Johnson will talk to you about what to wear and things like that."
I was to play Christina, a young married woman confronting her
mother-in-Iaw. I learned the monologue phonetically from Mr. Gatti. It
opened with "You belong to a type that's very common in this country,
Mrs. Phelps, a type of self-centered, self-pitying, son-devouring tigress,
with unmentionable proclivities suppressed on the side."
"We don't have time to study the meaning of every word," Mr. Gatti
said. "Just make sure you pronounce every word correctly." .
Mrs. Johnson, who taught Home Economics, called me to her office.
( ... )
I sat stiff as a cutout while Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Barone asked me
questions they thought the panel at Performing Arts would ask. (...)
"Do you have any hobbies?" Mr. Barone asked. Now I knew what to
answer.
"1 enjoy dancing and the movies."
"Why do you want to come to this school?"
Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Barone had worked on my answer if this
question should come up.
"1 would like to study at Performing Arts beca use of its academic
program and so that I may be trained as an actress."
"Very good, very good!" Mr. Barone rubbed his hands together,
twinkled his eyes at Mrs.Johnson. "1think we have a shot at this."
"Remember," Mrs. Johnson said, "when you shop for your auditio
dress, look for something very simple in dark colors."
***
Three women sat behind a long table in a classroom where the
desks and chairs had been pushed against a wall. As I entered I helc
my head up and smiled, and then I floated down to the chair in front of
thern, clasped my hands on my lap, and smiled some more.
"Good morning," said the tall one with hair the color of sand. She
was big boned and solid, with intense blue eyes, a generous mout
and soothing hands with short fingernails. She was dressed in shades of
beige from head to toe and wore no makeup and no jewelry except for
the gold chain that held her glasses just above her full bosom. Her voice
• e
• proclivity: [pro'khvodi]n. a natural inclination
 Reading

~--------------------------------------------------------------------------------~'.
/aS rich, modulated, each word pronounced as if she were inventing
.~.( ... )
More than anything, I wanted to impress the panel with my talent,
: that I would be accepted into Performing Arts and leave Brooklyn
:: ery day. And, I hoped, one day I would never go back.
But the moment I faced these three impeccably groomed women,
forgot my English and Mrs. Johnson's lessons on how to behave like a
adv. (... )
"Why don't you let us hear your monologue now?" the woman with
- e dangling glasses asked softly.
I stood up abruptly, and my chair clattered onto its side two feet
- om where I stood. I picked it up, wishing with all my strength that a
~ underbolt would strike me dead to ashes on the spot.
"It's all right," she said. "Take a breath. We know you're nervous."
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, walked to the middle of the
~oom, and began my monologue.
"Ju bee lonh 2 a type dats berry como in dis kuntree, Meessees
-elps. A type off selfcent red self pee tee in sun de borin tie gress wid
n men shon ah ball pro klee bee tees on de side."
In spite of Mr. Gatti's reminders that I should speak slowly and
snunciate every word, even if I didn't understand it, I recited my three-
inute monologue in one minute flato (...)
"Thank you, dear," she said. "Could you wait outside for few
oments?"
I resisted the urgeto curtsy. The long hallway had narrowwainscoting
alfway up to the high ceiling. Single bulb lamps hung from long cords,
reating yellow puddles of light on the polished brown linoleum tile.
couple of girls my age sat on straight chairs next to their mothers,
aiting their turno They looked up as I came out and the door shut
ehind me. Mami stood up from her chair at the end of the hall. She
looked as scared as , felt.
"What happened?"
"Nothing," I mumbled, afraid that if I began telling her about it, I would
break into tears in front of the other people, whose eyes followed me and
Mami as we walked to the EXITsigno"1 have to wait here a minute."
• •
• modulated: ['mad3g,leIt] adj. varying in loudness, pitch, or tone (referring to
a voice)
• impeccably: [rm'pekaboli] adv. flawlessly
• wainscoting: [vvetnskoudnj] n. the bottom section of an interior wall,
finished differently from the top section
• linoleum: Id'nouligml n. a hard, washable floor covering
•
11
!_ •.••_ _:_._.'liTerOTure
••••

"Did they say anything?"

"No. I'm just supposed to walt,"
We leaned against the wall. Across from us there was a bulletin
board with newspaper clippings about former students. On the ragge
edge, a neat person had printed in blue ink, "P.A./I and the year the
actor, dancer, or musician had graduated. I closed my eyes and triec
to picture myself on that bulletin board, with "P.A. '66/1 across the topo
The door at the end of the hall opened, and the woman in beige
poked her head out.
"Esmeralda?"
"Sí, I mean, here." I raised my hand.
She led me into the room. There was another girl in there, whom
she introduced as Bonnie, a junior at the school.
"Do you know what a pantomime is?" the woman asked. I nodded.
"You and Bonnie are sisters decorating a Christmas tree."
(...) We decided where the invisible Christmastree would be, and
we sat on the floor and pretended we were taking decorations out of
boxes and hanging them on the branches.
My family had never had a Christmas tree, but I remembered how
once I had helped Papi wind colored lights around the eggplant bush
that divided our land from Doña Ana's. We started at the bottom and
wound the wire with tiny red bulbs around and around until we ran
out; then Papi plugged another cord to it and we kept going until the
branches hung heavy with light and the bush looked like it was on fire.
Before long I had forgotten where I was, and that the tree didn't
exist and Bonnie was not my sister. Shepretended to hand me a very
delicate ball, and just before I took it, she made like it fell to the ground
'. and shattered. I was petrified that Mami would come in and yell at us
for breaking her favorite decoration. Just as I began to pick up the tiny
fragments of nonexistent crystal, a voice broke in. "Thank vou."
Bonnie got up, smiled, and went out.
The elegant woman stretched her hand out for me to shake.
"We will notify your school in a few weeks. It was very nice to
meet vou," .
I shook hands all around then backed out ofthe room in a fog, silent,
as if the pantomime had taken my voice and the urge to speak.

• 1:
• pantomime: ['paon(t);;¡,malm] n. the art of conveying a story solely through
gestures
• petrified: ['petnfard] adj. paralyzed by a strong emotion; terrified

84
t. «
~;, r
\..."'\
 Reading ••

~=-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_.
On the way home Mami kept asking what had happened, and 1kept AF~er You Aead
umbling, "Nothing. Nothing happened," ashamed that, after all the • What attitudes helped the main
ours of practice with Mrs. Johnson, Mr. Barone, and Mr. Gatti, after character succeed? Who supported
:he expense clothes and shoes, after Mami had to take a day
of new her?
ff from work to take me into Manhattan, after all that, 1 had failed the
audition and would never, ever, get out of Brooklyn.

Epilogue: One of These Days

A decade after my graduation from Performing Arts, 1

isited the school, 1was by then living in Bastan, a schalarship

student at Harvard University.
audition
there, 5incemy
rincipal.
had become
graduatian,
my mentor
The tall, elegant woman
through
she had married
my three
the
of my
years
school
,=-¡;p
"1 remember your audition," she said, her chiseled face
reamy, her lips toying with a srnile that she seemed, still, to
p · A ida Santiagc
ave to control. Est11erats her n /
1 had forgotten
air, waol jumper,
the skinny brown girl with
and lively hands. But she hadn't.
the curled
5he told
presen
:-ne that the panel had had to ask me to leave so that they
could laugh, beca use it was so funny to see a fourteen-year-
Id Puerto Rican girl jabbering out a monologue about a
aossessive mother-in-Iaw at the turn of the century, the words
mcomprehenslble beca use they went by so fasto

"We admired," she said, "the courage it took to stand in

~ont of us and do what you did."

"So you mean 1 didn't get into the school beca use of my
talent, but beca use I had chutzpah 7" \fije bath laughed. (...)

"Take care."

Her warm embrace, fragrant af expensive perfume, took

e by surprise. "Thank you," I said as she went around the
cerner to her classroom.

I walked the halls of the school, looking for the roo~

here my life had changed. It was across from the science lab,
3 few doors down from the big bulletin board where someone
ith neat handwriting still wrote the letters "P.A.," followed by
- e graduating year along the edges of newspaper clippings
""eaturing famous alumni.

"P.A. '66," I said to no onein particular. "One of these days."

• •
mentor: ['men,t:)rll n. a wise counselor
chutzpah: [hotspo 'xotspo] n. courage bordering on arrogance, audacity
expensive: [rk'spensrv] adj. very high-priced

85
f\"¡'c. ..,