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Standing on the small edge of the balustrade with her back against the bridge pier as
the only support, Angie’s whole body was crying “Jump! Just jump and get it over
with”
The words echoed in her mind over and over. Only a tiny little step and everything
will be fine again. No pain, no heartache, no problems. Only peace, at last.
Still she hesitated. Words were spinning in her mind. Words she had heard often the
last few months. Words she sometimes cried and sometimes laughed about. And now
the words “It is not a matter of I can’t, but a matter of I won’t, because if you really
want, you can” kept her from taking this last tiny step forward.

Angie carefully slid down on the pier trying to get hold of the balustrade with her stiff
fingers. The icy wind blew merciless into her face and the long, brown hair obstructed
her sight by clinging to her cheeks, which were wet from all the tears she cried.
With the realisation of the height at which she kept herself, fear and insecurity
paralyzed her. Angie desperately tried to lower herself, but the legs wouldn’t move.
The sudden appearance of a man, who came running around the pier appalled her so
much, that she lost control and fell.

“Nil, would you mind, I capturing your wife’s extraordinary company for a dance?”
Joshua was pleased with himself. He liked to tease Angie. She always kept a distance
between them, as if she couldn’t stand him, but only tolerated him as he was the best
friend of her husband.
Joshua solemnly bowed in front of Angie.
“Madam?”
By the way Angie looked at him Joshua could tell she was seething with rage. But
nevertheless she walked to the dance floor with him.

“Do you always need to be so extravagant if you want something from me? And
besides, why haven’t you asked me directly to dance with you? I am not his slave,
only his wife. We live in the nineties, women can choose for themselves. They don’t
need permission!”

She hated him, he always made her feel helpless in a way, leaves her without
arguments. He always exposed her.

“Well. Well, an independent woman! Just what I like.”

”A subdued little mouse, who would cringe by the sight of you suits your behaviour
better, I think. Let’s go back to the table.”

“Why? Are you afraid of your husband? I thought you were independent?”

“You know well, that I cannot do the Rock ‘n Roll style of yours.”

“Do you mean cannot or will not? There’s a huge difference, you know? Anyway, it
is more than time that you learn my dance style, don’t you think?”

“What gives you the right to talk to me like that? I……”

…2.
2

“I think you have the most beautiful eyes in the world, when you are cross.”

Angie blushed. He did it again.

”I don’t need this…this…”

“You mean this teasing? I thought you’d love it?”

“Let’s say it is more refreshing than the conversations with your friend.”

Angie knew that this was a soft spot. He and her husband were friends from the
sandpit and once swore never to let each other down.
This vow Nil could keep, but the marriage vow he seemed to have forgotten.

Joshua was surprised and a bit worried by those words.

“I thought you loved him?”

By now Angie enjoyed the game to the fullest and a strange sensation spread through
her body. Strange, but pleasant.

“I think you’re thinking too much, just concentrate on the dance, love!”

Joshua was speechless.

“Match point to you, sweetheart. Don’t know what to say anymore>”

“Angie, don’t you want to go inside for your tea? It’s getting cold anyway. Fall is on
its way with its beautiful colours, nice afternoon walks ahead. See, you have one
advantage now, your broken leg will predict the weather and you’ll know when to
take an umbrella.”

“The doctor tried to lighten up the situation a bit. Joking, trying to put back the cute
smile on her face.
Angie shook her head. The sunlight fell directly onto her face and the rays produced
enchanting glowing cheeks, otherwise her features were expressionless.
The doctor smiled with sympathy. Angie needed to get her story off her chest, needed
somebody to listen, not to judge.

“See doctor, at first we couldn’t even stand each other, or so it seemed, and after a
while we became close friends, soul mates and lovers. We never met secretly, in fact
Nil gave us more and more opportunities to see each other, which was very difficult
for Joshua, because he always felt so guilty about the situation. He never could let his
loyalty towards his friend go. It was always and constantly between us. Joshua tried to
give Nil a tip-off once, but Nil was too occupied by his work to really get it, or he just
didn’t care anymore. I’m not sure and maybe I don’t care….”

.3…
3

Tears were flowing down her cheeks again and her eyes gazed into another dimension
it seemed, when she continued to speak to her psychologist.

“Okay, Nil. We’ll be at the beach house this weekend, if you’re back early come and
join us.”

“I don’t think I’ make it. The meeting on Sunday is only scheduled for 11h30. But
Joshua, I really appreciate all you’re doing for Angie. She is strangely distracted since
I have landed this huge job.”

“Nil, just don’t forget completely that she is your wife. Don’t discard your
responsibilities towards me.”

“You sound really concerned, Josh. Just don’t you forget that she is my wife. Hey I
trust you, Josh. Bye.”

Nil took his attaché case and his cloak and left Joshua standing in the hall. In his nice
pinstripe suit, polished shoes and his neatly combed hair, Nil suddenly looked like a
stranger to Joshua.

“Jerk!” he thought.
“What happened to our carefree, joyful and glory days?”

“Why are you so quiet?”

“I’m thinking!”

“Don’t think too much. The dachshund wrinkles on your forehead don’t suit you.”

He really looked like a naughty boy to her with his curly mop of blonde hair and his
big blue eyes, sparkling, full of mischief.

Suddenly his jumped up.

“Don’t push your luck, young lady!”

He chased Angie down to the beach. She looked gorgeous in her long flimsy summer
dress and her hair flowing like silk around her shoulder. She looked like an angel.
She turned around and the breeze waved her clear laughter to him. Playful like an
innocent little child, Angie splashed the cool water into his face when he came near.
And when she stumbled and was about to fall head over heels into the sea, she just
reached out to his arms, sure that he would catch her.

“Hoops, that was close, lucky for me that you’ve been around to catch me, hunk!”

She snuggled herself into his warm embrace.

“And I always will be there to catch you if you fall!” .4…


4

They slowly walked along the beach towards the big reef. Fascinated by the huge
breakers they gazed into the ocean. The sunset showered them with golden- orange
rays and the horizon seemed to be in flames.

“Just like my heart.”

“Angie, we cannot live our dreams. We must forget every word we spoke and the
time we spent together.”

“I can’t, Joshua, I waited my whole life for a fairytale like this. You told me the most
romantic words a man had ever spoken to me. Together with you I spent the most
wonderful and precious time. I can’t!”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“That really is not funny, Joshua. Why don’t you forget who I really am or to whom I
belong? Just stay by me!”

“I can’t!”

“Can’t or won’t. There is a huge difference between those words. Isn’t it you, who
always tried to explain this to me?”

Angie was desperate to lose her new found happiness and fulfilment.

“Okay. Then I won’t!”

Angie cried and laughed simultaneously.

“You’re really getting on my nerves with this stupid teasing.”

Angie jumped to her feet and wanted to run away, when she tripped over a stone.

“Wow, wow, wow, little lady, not so hasty. See, I kept my promise. Catch you
whenever you fall, no matter what.”

When their lips touched, they completely lost themselves.

“Angie, we must stop this. I cannot live like this anymore. I have a guilty conscious.
Nil trusts me, whenever he leaves you in my company. And I am sure he trusts you as
well. This is not our time. We are meant for each other, but not in this life time. It is
not right, don’t you understand?”

Joshua really was upset and pushed Angie an arm length away from him.

“Josh, I don’t understand. Really! I can’t or I won’t, whatever you prefer. But I know
that you could never be completely happy in this situation, even if I would get a
divorce. Something would always stand between us. The guilt, you friendship to
Nil…. .5…
5

So I guess this is it.”

“Angie, do you have to be so sarcastic? He cannot be so bad after all you have fallen
in love with him once and married him. Why don’t you try to talk to him, like we
talk?
Tell him what bothers you. He just wants the best for you. Offering you a carefree
life, everything your heart desires, always.”

“Everything my heart desires?”

“Please Angie! I would die for you and you know that. But could not live with you,
knowing I took you away from him. I just couldn’t”

“Or you won’t!”

Joshua turned around to ask her to stop this game, but the tearful smile on her face
told him that she has given in.

It must have been the same smile, she has on her lips right now, the doctor thought.

“That was it?”

He carefully asked.

“Yeah, we never have been alone since that weekend. And his visits to our house
slackened. We never talked about it again, but I could feel his eyes on me whenever I
turned my back.
Then he announced he would go abroad again. This time for good. He sold everything
and left for Australia, dream land. Bought himself a farm….and this damn glider he
crashed with.
Angie sobbed.

“It was hard enough to live without him, the huge distance between us, but now that
he is dead, the space is invincible.”

“But what made you decide not to jump after all?”

“His words: You can if you really want! I felt I would let him down if I jump. That
would not have been what he wanted me to do. He would want me to make the best
out of the situation, not to give up. And do you know what astonished me the most?
When the man, whoever he was, came around the pier and I fell off the bridge after
all, it was as if someone tried to catch me and cushioned the impact!”

“I think one could say it was a miracle that you did not sustain more serious injuries.”

“Not a miracle, just a promise someone kept!”

Angie smiled with tears in her eyes and it looked like she got herself under control
again.
6

.6…
“But who was the man who suddenly appeared when I fell? And did he call the
ambulance?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Nil?”

Angie turned around and looked in the pale face of her husband. He seemed tired and
exhausted.

“There was a time when you used to say that you would jump off the bridge, if I
would ever leave you, when we crossed it on our way to the beach house.
I suppose I did. I left you alone in a way.
After I found your diary on the kitchen floor, I knew where to find you. And I hope it
is not too late, when I ask for forgiveness. I still love you, always did!”

Tears were running down his face. Tears for the lost friend, for the heartache and the
hope he felt right now.

When Angie put her arms around his neck, the doctor said:

“I believe our sessions are over. You are discharge, Angie!”

THE END!
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LOVE HURTS

Short story by

Claudia Schönmetzler
(copyright)
P.O. Box 11474
Windhoek
Namibia
081 259 5311

Words: 2049 Page: 6


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