a

barefacts
Thursday 2 October 2003 | issue number 1062| Published by the USSU Communications Office | free | www.ussu.co.uk
photos by chris hunter | collage by pete nichols

Letters | pages 5 & 6 Union | Page 9 The Week’s Ents | page 13 Interactive | page 21
2 NEWS 2 October 2003

Fiasco leaves Education, Education, Repetition

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4

Editor in Chief
students BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
But I believe that it is reasonable and fair
to ask graduates to pay a proportion of the
costs of the university education from which

homeless
Sarah Butterworth EDUCATION SECRETARY CHARLES Clarke made they benefit for the rest of their life. Our test
comms a speech to the assembled masses of the is to find the fairest way to do this.
@ussu.co.uk Labour Party conference in Bournemouth “Universities which want to charge higher
on Tuesday, and the (in)famous phrase made fees will have to prove that their course
Editor A PRIVATE ACCOMMODATION provider has a return, with three utterances. The speech really are equally open to application from
failed to complete a hall of residence in did not contain any new information, and anyone in this country. That’s fairer.”
Chris Ward conveyed mainly a reinforcement of the
Liverpool, leaving hundreds of new students Clarke went on to criticise the policies of
cs21cw without promised rooms, laundry services well worn policies outlined since Clarke other parties, ranging from the Lib Dems’
@surrey.ac.uk and food as a result. came to office. suggestion of requiring students to attend
UNITE failed to complete their ‘Grand Instead of Higher Education, the main their home university, to the Natural Law
Music Editor Central’ building in Liverpool, leaving thrust of the speech was an increase in Partys’ belief that “all necessary resources
hundreds of freshers scattered around funding for the early years of education will just drop from the sky in some act of
Matt Badcock - apparently £5,300 per year is spent per inverse levitation.”
the city, many up to 20 miles away from
ms01mb the university with no transport to their university student whilst the education of On Tuesday Mr Clarke was also in full flow
@surrey.ac.uk institution. the under fives is only funded to the tune of on the Today programme: “The proposals
Despite the building being incomplete, £3,200 per pupil per year. we have put forward are the right ones for
Music Editor there was an attempt to move a proportion of The Higher Education funding situation was the country. If you are in the world of real
students in on Saturday night. A few hours underlined, as Clarke regurgitated the policy politics, I think you have to say we want to
Jon Allen later, the second floor flooded and students measures that have been announced over the expand our universities to encourage people
bs21ja had to be evacuated. The threat of damage last 12 months; “Of course the taxpayer will to go to university and that has to be paid
@surrey.ac.uk to the belongings of hundreds of students, - quite rightly - always pay the lion’s share. for.”
including computers, clothes and stereos
News Editor remains.

The Girls are on Top

Verity Coyle, NUS Welfare Vice President
Philip Howard “To have failed to complete a hall of
ph02ph residence for the start of term is inexcusable.
@surrey.ac.uk To then put these students through a further
ordeal is unforgivable.
Film Editor This is a vital time for new students
- they learn about their department and
Neil Boulton the university environment, meet tutors,
cs21nb investigate services and facilities and make
@surrey.ac.uk new friends. Most have paid their tuition
fees and rent in advance - at the very least
they should get their rooms as promised and
Theatre Editor
have access to university facilities, the same
Daisy Clay as everyone else.
Unfortunately this is not the first time a
ps21dc
@surrey.ac.uk private accommodation provider has failed
to live up to its promises - NUS has had
many cases to deal with in the last couple
Literature Editor of years. Our immediate aim is to make sure
Jennifer Walker that students who have been stranded are
treated fairly and with dignity. However,
ph21jw this whole episode is bound to create further
@surrey.ac.uk
debate in the student movement and the
wider community about the suitability of
Sports Editor private providers.”
Peter Nichols
cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
The government’s 50% participation target
for entry to university could be achieved
early in the female statistic.
According to the BBC, the latest figures
(although 2 years out of date) put female
entry rates only percentage points off the
50% target, putting it within reach in the
very near future.
Libby Aston of the Higher Education Policy
Institute commented “If male participation
rates caught up with females, the target
would almost be achieved.”
If the government’s target is reached
(even only in the female quotient), it
could effectively mute the opponents of
the government’s 50% participation target.
The data from the DfES puts entry rates of
Do you have a complaint
girls at 46.7% and boys at only 40.4%. Their
spokesperson said “it is fair to assume that
women will reach the 50% barrier before
men - although we cannot say realistically
when that will happen”.
The Higher Education Statustics Agency
urged caution, however, pointing to the
variations of interpretation of statistics
for what is now a politically-charged
target. Girls have also been shown to
be outperforming boys throughout the
developed world, according to figures from
the Organisation for Economic Co-operation
and Development.
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MEDIA CENTRE AT USSU TO DISCUSS IT.

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2 October 2003 NEWS 3

UniS ‘Golf Ball’ Decorated

BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH
EDITOR IN CHIEF

ON THE NIGHT of Tuesday 23rd September the Geodesic

Dome structure (or the ‘golf ball’) by the lake on campus
received a coating of clingfilm, in what is viewed as one of
the most impressive examples of student antics of the past
few years.
The golf ball has been a common site for similar activities
since its installation by the lake. A tradition at the end of
year is for students to congregate in and around it, and
decorate it with various items. There is also an urban myth,
the validity of which has not been verified, that when it was
first contructed it was not attached to the ground, and one
morning it was discovered to have been rolled down the hill
into the lake.
The dome remained completely covered in clingfilm for
almost a week, and in the proved an impressive sight in the
midday sun.
Barefacts has been informed that to cover the entire dome
took a total of two and a half hours, using over a kilometer of
clingfilm which cost a total of £12.95. We would also like to
remind students that if they chose to climb the golf ball, they
do so at their own risk, and barefacts does not encourage this
by any means.

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4 NEWS
opinion
Freshers Ahoy
Well, after months of living and working on a nigh on empty
campus, it was certainly a shock to the system when 1800
or so Freshers descended on us ten days ago. It’s great to
see first years getting involved already - from the hundreds,
possibly thousands of people who signed up to Sports Clubs
and Societies at Freshers’ Fayre last week, to the fact that 2
of the candidates in the Union Executive elections had only
been here for 5 days when they put their nomination forms
in.
The message that’s being sent out is that it’s never to early
to get involved in something, be it as a member of a sports
club, a participant in one of the DAVE sessions, writing
for barefacts or even standing to be elected onto one of the
highest bodies of the Students’ Union.
I’ve said it before, and I have little doubt that i’ll say it
again, but one of the most important things to remember in
your time here is not to let the opportunities pass you by.
You really will never again get a chance like this in your life.
Makre sure you don’t look back in one, two, three or four
year’s time and think “I wish I’d done more at Uni”...
Have your Say
Week 5’s Union Council is one of the most important, if not
the most important one of the whole year. It is where you
will be voting in the Union Executive Committee. These are
not distant people who have no idea what you want out of
your University life; they are students just like all of you.
Candidates range from first years to final years, so there are
people standing who really do know what it’s like to be in
your shoes as a student. They know the problems you face
with accommodation, the issues that are important to you
and want to make a difference and ensure you have the best
and happiest time at University possible.
So, make sure you turn up and have your say. You do
not need to be a Union Councillor to vote - every single
student, be they an undergraduate, postgraduate, or anything
in between, has a right to get their voice heard. Put the
date in your diary/phone/head right now - Main Union -
1pm - Tuesday 7th October. The time has come to make a
difference.
barefacts (again!)
YUP, TIS TIME for a plug once more. Barefacts is produced
pretty much entirely by students, so if you fancy getting
involved in any aspect of the newspaper, or just want to find
out what it’s al about, then pop along to the Media Centre
at USSU (inside the Activities Centre door by pizzaman) at
5pm every Thursday. We’re a very friendly bunch of people,
and being part of the bf team is a lot of fun, so what’re you
waiting for?
barefacts | be heard
2 October 2003
Tories in Text Con-Petition
BY DUNCAN HAMILTON
IF SOMEONE OFFERED you £5 just to sign a petition, just your
name to a reasonable cause, you’d thank them and take it
This bid for support makes sense in light of the criticism
levelled at the “no fees” policy, as strong student support
would be a useful fact to bring to bear against the naysayers.
The Vice-Chancellor of Coventry University, Dr Michael
wouldn’t you? What if someone offered you your tuition Goldstein, is quoted by The Guardian as saying Tory figures
fees for a year just for your name on their protest? But they don’t add up and that scrapping fees would reduce student
called it a competition? And didn’t tell you that by entering places by 25%.
you were being used to endorse a political party policy? The NUS stance is that Conservative policy is no more
Would you still be happy? Enter: the Conservative Party. appropriate than current government proposals: “Neither the
On Wednesday last week USSU was one of eight primary government nor the Conservatives have got it right with their
launch sites chosen for Conservative Future’s campaign plans to fund higher education” said NUS President Mandy
promoting the Tory “No Fees, No Small Print” policy. Telford, in response to a report from The Institute for Fiscal
Students were invited by fliers handed out at Freshers Fayre Studies in June which showed poorer households would pay
to enter a prize draw for £1,125, equivalent to a year’s disproportionately more. “We dismiss Conservative plans
tuition fees, by texting “NO FEES 4 [university name]”. to restrict access to university and force the cost back on the
The only mention of supporting Tory policy on the flier is an poorest sections of society”.
invitation to join the campaign through a website; it appears
to simply be an innocent chance to grab some money.
However, what Damian Green, Shadow Education
Secretary told the press that day was: “Conservative Future’s
competition invites students to get a head start by winning a
year’s payment by texting their support for our campaign”.
Talking to BBC News Online he further referred to the
competition as a “petition” and stated the results of the
protest would be presented to the government.
Clearly, wanting £1,125 and wanting to support Tory
policy are two entirely separate things and should this not
simply be a case of a key Tory figure not understanding
the promotion of their own policy, students are being
grossly misrepresented at a national level. Strangely, the
competition is also open to Scottish students (who don’t pay
for tuition) and those contributing no or only partial fees,
further strengthening the impression that what the Tories
really want are names backing their policy. When barefacts
went to press the campaign organiser David Pugh had not
responded to our invitation to comment.
Union Elections barefacts notices
NOMINATIONS HAVE NOW CLOSED FOR ALL POSTS OTHER THAN Fencing Club AGM | Thursday 2nd October | 1pm | Union
CAMPAIGNS OFFICER AND ACCOMMODATION OFFICER ON THE Committee Room
UNION EXECUTIVE.
Breakdancing Society AGM | Thursday 2nd October | 7pm | Helyn
THE CANDIDATES FOR THESE POSITIONS ARE: Rose Bar
Mens Basketball Team Trials | Friday 3rd October | 5.30pm | Any
Academic Affairs Officer: questions, contact mark.c@ekno.com
Neil Christie
Ewan Panter Catholic Society AGM | Sunday 5th Oct | 6.30pm | Quiet Centre
Culture and Events Officer: Sports Standing | Monday 6th October | 6pm | Location TBC
Catherine Lee
Ultimate Frisbee EGM | Wednesday 8th October | 2pm | Location
to be confirmed
Ethics and Equal Opportunities Officer:
Michael Ogunsey
Singapore Society AGM | Wednesday 8th October | 6.30pm |
Lecture Theatre G
Non Portfolio Officer (x2):
Ben Berryman Paintball Society AGM | Sunday 12th October | 6pm | Union
Claire Hammonds Committee Room
Zoe Kilb
Chinese Asian Society AGM | Tuesday 14th October | 6pm |
Placement and Employed Students’ Officer: Lecture Theatre G
Doreen Krambutti
Change Ringers AGM | Tuesday 14th October | 7.30pm |
Activities Centre
Union Chair:
Jay Butcher Afro-Carribean Society AGM | Thursday 16th October | 7pm |
Teaching Block 13
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON UNION ELECTIONS TAKE A LOOK
AT PAGE 9. Mauritian Society AGM | Friday 17th October | 6pm | Lecture
Theatre E
REMEMBER - COME ALONG TO UNION COUNCIL ON TUESDAY TO VOTE
2 October 2003
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next
newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Dear barefacts,
Upon returning to live on campus this year, I was shocked
and dismayed to discover how things have changed since
I lived here in my first year. Back in the day the cleaners
would hoover your room once a week, clean your basin/
bathroom and empty your bin once a week, and on top of
that, bed linen was provided and washed once a week.
But not any more. When I moved in I saw a notice up
in the kitchen, instructing us that we are now expected to
empty our own rubbish bins, clean our own basins, hoover
our rooms, and provide our own bed clothes. Now, I have
no problem with doing these things myself, as long as
adequate equipment is provided, but my problem lies with
the fact that alongside this reduction in services, my rent
has increased astronomically.
In my first year (only four years ago) I was paying
£58.10 for an en-suite room, the highest rent across the
whole of campus, yet now I am on £58.45 in the one of
the two oldest courts on campus, sharing a 2 showers and
3 toilets between 14 people. Much was made during the
Uni$kint campaign of 2001 of the 24% rent increase, but
very little was mentioned on the subject of decreasing the
housekeeping provisions alongside these increases.
One argument the University use to ‘show’ that students
can afford the high rents is that “80% of 1st years apply for
en-suite accommodation” (or something along those lines).
But have they stopped to think just how many people they
are dissuading from even applying to or accepting a place
at Surrey because of the extortionate prices charged simply
to live on campus? Quoting an average rent at being in the
low £50s a week simply doesn’t cut it - this figure is skewed
enormously by the 88 duplex rooms, at very cheap prices,
as well as cheap Hazel Farm rents. I Believe that en-suite
rent is now in the high £70s per week - over £20 a week
more than I paid four years ago. And have our student loans
increased in line with this? I think not. In reality, we are
using up most of our loans simply to live here, before even
considering eating, buying books, travelling, or going out.
This in turn is leading to more and more students working
more and more in addition to their degrees, with the knock
on effect that they are missing lectures and coursework
deadlines simply to make ends meet, and to afford to be
here in the first place.
If UniS is to succeed in the area of Widening Participation,
then it must take a good look at this problem. There are
rumours that the new accommodation on the Manor Park
site, built to house around 4,000 people will be all en-suite
to provide conference facilities during the holidays. Maybe
this will encourage more students from well off families
to apply to Surrey, but what of those (of which I am one
- and I’m not even classed as being from a ‘lower income
family’) who are struggling to afford even the current rents
on campus? We are already stung for extortionate rents off
campus in our second, and often final years (I have friends
paying £350 per month, plus bills), and it should be the
job of the University to provide affordable, functional
accommodation for freshers that does not break the bank.
I realise I am one of the privileged few to have been
allocation accommodation in my final year, and for that
I am grateful, but the fact that campus accommodation is
so much in demand (so much so, in fact, that UniS can’t
even house all Freshers this year) is no excuse to charge
the current prices.
UniS - give us the facilities we deserve for the prices
we’re paying, otherwise take a good look at the effect the
rent prices here are having on students past, present and
future.
YOURS SINCERELY,
A FINAL YEAR STUDENT
LETTERS 5
Dear barefacts,
May I ask if anyone knows why the Library has those
silly queue inducing merry-go rounds just inside it’s
newly refurbished doors? The Librarian on the desk
next to it has just, in response to a similar version of the
previous question, shrugged her shoulders (she really
did!!) and mumbled something about counting. Ahh,
counting! I guess this is how librarians get to sleep at
night - counting the hapless students who now have to
spend 20 mins waiting to get a chance to wave their union
card in every conceivable way (whilst having instructions
shouted at them by the librarian) so the bar code can be
read. All so that we can walk in through a silly gate!
It’s hard enough forcing myself into that building at
the best of times, a long queue doesnt help. Sort it out..
SINCERELY,
DEDICATED LIBRARY USER photo: pete nichols
Dear barefacts, last week: “ ...yes we do know where the tables
are. However, it does not help when people move
I’m not going to beat around the bush, I am appaled at the price tables to sit with friends”. What do you expect!
of this university.... It’s DISGRACEFUL!!! check this out: “Sorry bud but can you sit over there and drink on your
Estimated costs for an undergraduate on campus, who’s here own because we don’t want to mess the tables up!!”
for 30 weeks and doesn’t want to be a prisoner in their room: “ Yes no probs lads, anything for you guys”. Its simple.......
Change the system (Roots seems to cope... do what they
RENT 30x60 (est ave) : £1800 do).
Use of Gym : £70 As for the union.....An entrance fee of £4 on most nights
Laundrette (1 wash a week) : £48 is disgusting!!! thats money grabbing!! At Portsmouth
Course manuals (variable) : £30 uni its free to get in, unless you forget your uni card,
Total : £1948 then its the staggering price of £1. We get told to stump
up or bugger off and if you forget your uni card its game
This is where it gets interesting: over!! At Reading Uni its also free to get in the union.
Why are we paying so much?!
Entrance fee to union, assuming 2x a week : 8x30 = £240 Finally for anyone that says: “It would cost you that if you
The pleasure of 5 drinks per night out a week: went into town”. You are missing the point. We have earned
2.00x10x30 = £600 the right to come to this institution, and it should be here for
The pleasure of a lovely chancellors meal 1 x week: our benefit not to bleed us of every penny we have!
3.95x30 = £118.50
The pleasure of a drink with that meal: 1.50x30: £45 I’LL REVEAL MY NAME BECAUSE I’M NOT AFRAID TO STAND UP AND
Total per year to the usssu: £1003.50 (that’s hardly excessive FIGHT,
drinking and eating) JAMES HANCOCK (FINAL YEAR)
Total outgoings: (not including food shopping): £2951.50
My loan available to me... £2795
This does not include: photo: pete nichols
Food to survive
clothes to wear
stationary equipment
photocopying/printing costs
phone bill
sports fees
As you can see a minimum of £1003.50 per person per
year goes to the union. Lets be honest, who actually has only
five drinks per night out? Why are we paying so much? Is it
for the pleasure of such great acts like Daphne and Cellest
or was it the breath taking thought of seeing Bewitched? I
understand the union may have been in debt but is it fair to
charge the students for someone elses miss management?
I would also like to agree with some points made by
an ‘eternal student’. The service offered by chancellors
is, at best, poor!!! I’ve had raw chicken at £3.95,
cold Truckers at £3.50 and sometimes i’ve had the
pleasure of ordering food and it never arriving (This
part of the service you have developed into a fine art.)
The USSU General manager said in barefacts
6 LETTERS
Letters to barefacts
Dear barefacts,
With regard to the letter (18/09/03) in
Barefacts concerning the quality of service
in Chancellors, I would like to put forward
my opinions as a member of both the student
body and as a member of the Union Bar
Team.
Due to the placement scheme that the
University runs, each year different people
with different attitudes work in the Union
and indeed throughout campus. This is
not a fact that will surprise you, and I’m
sure that as “An Eternal Student here since
‘96” you will have met a broad spectrum of
people throughout your time here. It should
also therefore be of knowledge to you that
the past year has admittedly not been the
most memorable in Chancellors’ history.
Following the leaving of the Bar Manager
and the Bars & Catering Office Manager in
the summer of 2002, Chancellors was left
without a large segment of the Managerial
Structure. Mr R Haggart then took over
the running of BOTH the Main Union bars
and Chancellors, a feat which included the
organisation of Freshers’ Week as well.
Again a point that I am sure that you are
well aware of.
The year 2002-2003 proved to be one of
the busiest in terms of student applications
for work within the Union building. A large
number of applicants were hired; this in turn
produced a number of staff that wanted a job
in the Union simply for the ease of being
Dear barefacts,
In response to the letters in last weeks
barefacts following my rant on services and
prices around campus, I would firstly like
to thank “A caring member of university
catering staff” for their well informed,
rounded, and professional comments.
Unfortunately however, my name is not
“Richard Cranium” although luckily I
believe I am able to think logically as I
feel this has been a requirement for both
of the consecutive degrees I have studied
at this technically renowned facility.
Secondly I would like to thank Bob
Anderson for a genuinely positive response,
and before coming to speak to you in
person as you suggest, I would like to
publicly clarify the points raised in a bid
to increase student input to the situation.
I would rather maintain anonymity in
publication following previous attitudes
to complaints in one of the unions outlets.
With regard firstly to the financial side; I do
indeed remember the times when the union
was struggling, I also remember the days
when “Chancellors” was a grubby room
with uncomfortable chairs and tired tables
(a few months after I started, the whole
place was refitted). In those days the bar was
much smaller, there were no flat-screens,
no entertainment at all, maybe a few board
games behind the bar and a TV in the
corner (?) but surprisingly; lots of students.
I think Chancellors is now a great venue,
on campus. Having worked in Chancellors
throughout my second year at university
(2001-2002), I can proudly say, and I’m
sure that you will agree, that that year was
a fine example of the quality of service
that a bar such as Chancellors can produce.
The reason for this was a Bar Team that
enjoyed the work that they were doing,
enjoyed working in the Union building
and had no qualms about putting in some
hard work. However, last year there were
numerous times when I came back from
placement to visit friends on campus, and I
was shocked by the lack of people coming
out to Chancellors on Main Union nights. I
saw members of staff talking to their friends
whilst serving people, slouching at the bar
when not serving and not removing dirty
plates and glasses from tables in an effective
manner.
The appointment of both Stella Web and Rob
Ellis to Restaurant Managers has meant that
the management structure has been regained
and the appointment of Ian Lancaster to Bar
& Catering Manager will mean that as of
October of this year the B&C department
will be back to full strength. Following on
from supervisors’ meetings in Chancellors
at the beginning of this year, the supervisors
have all been told that the standard has got to
be brought back up.
With regard to the comment regarding
table numbers, during busy periods, large
groups of people often congregate around
several tables moving them out of position.
the same applies to all the other facilities
(well ok maybe not Rushes), they are
frequently busy, and people are entertained.
I do appreciate that the money coming into
the union is spent elsewhere within the union
framework, and that money is essential to the
running of the facilities we see around us.
My problem is not so much one of the
wrong facilities, as missing facilities. While
Chancellors and Roots clearly have a market
here, there is also (I believe) a market for
student venues, by this I mean somewhere
which operates for those who may not be so
financially capable as others. I am talking
about the people who walk to Tescos and
return with a case of beer, bottles of wine,
spirits, tea, coffee, etc, and consume them
in small groups either in their residences
or around campus but not in the bars. For
a (relatively) minimal expenditure, the
union could provide somewhere operating
at minimal (near zero) profit to capture
this trade, which is currently taken outside
and thus detracts from potential student
facilities and low cost social interaction.
I anticipated claims that my reference
to other venues was flawed due to their
purchasing power and loss leader strategy,
however, in simple terms, other universities
offer cheap food and drink while
maintaining services, why can we not?
The aspect of service which was the initial
source of last weeks outburst is a separate
aspect altogether, I am glad to hear that the
union takes service to its members seriously
continued...
If food is ordered the tables are not in the
original positions as they were earlier and
so cause confusion. I’m not saying don’t
move the tables, but please do have some
consideration for the staff that serve over
300 sets per day and then have to find a table
that has been moved.
There was also a gross exaggeration of
figures in the aforementioned letter. Never
are there 10 members of bar staff on a shift,
let alone behind the bar! Very rarely are
there 5 members of bar staff on a shift, in
fact I have suffered recently from a distinct
lack of staff on shifts and have had to cope
as best we can.
I will conclude by saying that the Union
bars are run for students by students. The
clientele that we serve are not “immature”
however, stereotypically; they are some
of the hardest people to serve and to keep
happy. This can only be achieved if the
staff that are employed are well trained,
which will be sorted this year through the
new management structure, and if the staff
employed care about the place that they
work in and the people they are working
with/for. The service has already improved
this year and will continue to, all I can say
is that it is a process that is currently being
undertaken but can only be completed over
time.
JAY BUTCHER
CHANCELLOR ’S BAR SUPERVISOR
and believe that this will improve if everyone
concerned tries to keep a fresh perspective
on it. This is driven in part by criticism;
perhaps a suggestions box in the foyer for
people to put (constructive) comments in
would be useful? I do appreciate that people
move tables etc as suggested, however I have
personally experienced the “roaming waiter”
phenomenon when seated at the correct table
on a number of occasions. Im sure it is not the
main body of staff causing these problems,
rather a lack of training and guidance.
To conclude; initially I would like to see
one beer pump in every union bar serving
very cheap beer (how about Carling at
£1.20?). Eventually the union needs to work
towards feeding and watering its many (and
growing number of) members with cheap,
good value food and drink, in a “no-frills”
environment. With the increasing costs that
Surrey demands, every night is sadly not a
“Saturday night” and we need some realistic
venues for the rest of the week. Every year
I have been at Surrey has seen a major
development of either accommodation
and/or departmental space; where is the
proportional increase in services? We
cannot remove student facilities and
replace them with staff facilities. Both
are needed, it is about time we had them.
YOURS SINCERELY,
AN ETERNAL STUDENT
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
2 October 2003
Dear barefacts,
I would like to reply to the letter in last
weeks barefacts by the “caring member
of University catering staff”. They were
replying to a letter from the previous week
complaining about the catering services
on campus. In this reply the member of
staff, to my mind, levied three allegations
against the individual, which were that they:
1) Cannot get a job
2) Cannot think logically
3) Are a D*ck Head
I can concede that the individual’s letter
may have been antagonistic but how can
someone representing a company be allowed
to make such comments in reply? Surely
that member of staff should be reprimanded
for their extremely unprofessional
behaviour. In contrast the letter by Bob
Anderson replying to the same article
was measured, fair and very professional.
By their very nature customers are allowed
to be as rude as they want but anyone
representing a company should never reply
with insults.
YOURS SINCERELY,
KEITH PORTHOUSE
Dear barefacts,
I am writing in response to the appalling
statement by the caring member of
university catering staff in Barefacts last
week. Is writing a barrage of insults the
standard approach to resolving customer
concerns within Catering Services these
days? This individual clearly believes that
the way to deal with a genuine complaint
is to launch a very public display of
disrespect and unprofessionalism by
instigating a blatant and personal attack.
This childish tantrum is the stuff of school
playgrounds, not businesses, is it not?
The author is a representative of the
University is this the image it wishes
to publicly convey? The individual
responsible should be severely disciplined
for the statement if he or she worked at
Tescos/Wetherspoons, I am certain that
the P45 would already be in the post.
YOURS SINCERELY,
JONATHAN ROE
Got something to say? Got a
gripe about the University,
Union or life in general?
Then send a letter into
barefacts, either by email to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk, on disc
to the Communications Office,
or even on paper by Monday 5pm
at the latest.
It’s your paper.
Make the most of it.
2 October 2003 COMMENT 7

The Best Year of your Life? Two Taps BY LAURA KOSKENMAKI

Does your first year really matter? Should it be about partying every night or studying late in the
library to get that 1st class degree? Chris Ward looks at the myths and truths of the first year....
FRESHERS’ WEEK IS over, and you’re all ready
to start being studious and keen, turning up to
all of your lectures, handing all coursework
in on time, and enthusiastically acing your
exams with a 2:1 or a 1st Class degree. Well,
unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.
Being no further than a four minute walk
from the Union (unless you were among
the unfortunate few who got the Hazel Farm
choice, or if UniS couldn’t accommodate
you on campus), you will no doubt indulge
in the typical one-year binge that is your
first year. You will also be faced with the
constant “First year exams don’t matter” by
certain second and final year students (who
are often only scraping through themselves),
so why not enjoy it?
Before I continue, I feel compelled to warn
you of certain first year pit falls. The exams
don’t matter, you just need to get 40% per
module (some subjects may be lenient on
you failing a couple) and you’re into next
year. Unfortunately, the content of these
exams do matter. Second year may build
on the knowledge you have (or might have)
learnt in first year, and you will find your
academic future is royally screwed if you
turn up to the first lecture and find it making
as much sense as a condom machine in the
Vatican.
Another thing you should notice is the
massive difference between college/sixth
form and University. Pre-university
education places a large emphasis on self-
development. You are encouraged to come
up with your own ideas, analyse things
creatively, and basically exercise your
originality. In University, you use other
peoples’ ideas. It’s called “research”.
Besides that, first year will be the best
year of your life. You will meet many new
friends, acquaintances, and relationships
(ranging from one night to long term). It
will also be the worst year of your life, as
you suddenly realise that only a few months
ago, mother was cooking your food, washing
your clothes, and paying the rent. Indeed,
freedom has its price. On a serious note,
many students suffer from bouts of
depression in their first year. Being
thrown suddenly into the real world
can be quite daunting and stressful.
The Welfare and Representation unit
in the Union are very helpful in these
matters. Pop in and see them if you
need a chat.
All in all, you will all have a great
year. You won’t appreciate it till it’s
over. However, try to understand
that you will never be able to relive it.
The opportunity to participate in practical
jokes such throwing grass seed and a bucket
of water through an open Stag Hill window
whose occupier is away for the weekend, or
putting an OXO cube in the shower head,
just won’t last. So, when you’re crawling
home from the Union on every night but
Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays; think of
us older students that will never be able to
relive that experience. Enjoy first year, it’ll
be an experience you won’t forget.
I quite figured out
HAVE NEVER
why in England even the
new modern bathrooms
still have two taps. They
are unbelievably impractical.
You can either burn or freeze
yourself, but getting
it right requires
a lot of effort.
You can take
about five
minutes washing your
hands by filling the sink
with cold and hot water,
then mixing it and then washing
your hands. Then letting the water out,
rinsing the soap of the sides, filling it again
to rinse the remains of soap of you hands.
To wash your face you could turn on both
of the taps. Take a little bit of cold water on
your palms, and then fill them up with hot
water. (Has to be done in this order because
burning your hands is more painful than
freezing them.) Now shake your hands a
little to mix the water and then rinse your
face. Repeat this until your face is clean.
This can be extremely frustrating and time
consuming, because by the time you have
mixed the water in your palms you would

Consumer versus Industry

BY ANDREW MALEK
THE RECORDING INDUSTRY Association of America settled a lawsuit
against a twelve year old girl recently, who downloaded a plethora
of pop songs and nursery rhymes on the Kazaa file sharing system.
$2,000 was the damage for a pleasure enjoyed by hundreds of
millions of people around the world. In an ironic twist, Sharman
Networks - owners of the ‘Kazaa’ software - is suing the RIAA for
copyright infringement, sparked by the Association’s altered version
of Sharman’s Kazaa software.
The RIAA cites flagging record sales as the reason for such drastic
action, taking 261 individuals to court including the aforementioned
pre-teen. One might argue that a shift in musical tastes, away from
the more traditionally ‘manufactured’ music, is the real reason for
the decline in sales of the majors. The new wave of ‘fad’ artists who
emerge from “Fame Idol” television shows and have little to offer
fans in the long run. They put out a few successful singles, then fade
into obscurity with albums packed with fillers. New technology has
given us a chance to find out what we are getting before we buy
it, and thus album sales can no longer depend on catchy singles to
propel them to platinum status.
Major labels have been slow to catch on to this transition, and
as such have seen earnings decline whilst independent labels post
unprecedented profits. Just looking at the state of play in the UK
confirms this, with small dance and rock sub-genre niche labels
thriving in an environment where they once struggled to stay alive. A
recent study shows that rock albums are outselling any other genre,
jumping 33% in the past few years. And by taking its customers, the
general public, to court and branding them criminals, the cartel of
majors are effectively shooting themselves in the foot.
Also often not factored into the analysis of lower record sales is the
fact that they face competition from new high quality home movie
technology (DVD) and video games (PS2, Xbox, etc…).
American universities are finding that fighting the RIAA’s
subpoenas is becoming too costly, and have resorted to educating
their students on the legality of peer to peer sharing. They have also
tried to encourage their students to subscribe to paying services,
but the choice on these services is so dire that there is no chance of
getting freeloaders to change their ways.
Luckily for music fans in this country, the British Phonographic
Industry has not followed the RIAA’s lead, but most see it as only
a matter of time before the BPI comes under pressure from its
American counterpart to follow suit (no pun intended). So what
does all this mean to us, the student population in Guildford? The
University of Surrey need not worry about such litigation; as we are
all aware, the 1p per minute dialup is deemed most sufficient for our
on-campus needs.
With the industry dumbfounded and unable to control or utilise
these new distribution methods, it seems that the only winners in the
consumer vs industry battle will be the lawyers.
have spilled half of it.
Another way to get warm water requires
you to be fast. With most of the taps the
water does not turn into boiling instantly.
You will have a few seconds of warm water,
and if you are not wearing any make-up this
might just be enough.
There are probably other ways around
this, but I prefer the European way to have
a tap that can supply you with hot, cold
and warm water, in fact any temperature
you want. I am not talking about installing
infinite amount of taps around the sink - one
for each temperature. I mean a tap that can
mix the water to the desired temperature
before it reaches my hands. In England
there is a special word for this little miracle
(ironic smile), a mixer-tap, in the rest of the
industrial world it is simply called a tap.
I looked into history of two taps and found
that many English houses were built before
indoor plumbing was common and when
they eventually had plumbing fitted it would
be cold first and much later hot water. This
obviously accounts for the initial reason
behind this madness, but it does not explain
why brand new bathrooms still get two taps
fitted.
I was told that the reason why two taps
are still used is cost cutting. It is cheaper to
put in two taps than a mixer-tap. The price
difference is somewhere around 50 pounds
between two taps and basic mixer-tap. If
you assume that you can use the tap for 10
year before replacing it, you are looking
at 5 pounds investment a year - less 1.4
pence a day! If you also assume you wash
you face twice and your hands five times
a day, you end up paying 0.2 pence for
every enjoyable face and hand wash. You
probably end up saving more in water bills!
8 COMMENT
Media Spin or Tabloid Truth?
Neil Christie wonders about the picture tabloid newspapers are painting about
Asylum Seekers, and whether the scare-mongering really is justified.
THE DRINK WAS flowing and emotions were
high, but there was a seemingly underlying
tone that Britain was for Brits, and if English
was the language, English
was to be spoken. And
no, I hadn’t been at the “The media is
latest BNP meeting for
die-hard right-wingers. excellent at
portraying one
It was a comment in
passing that is echoed
amongst many of the
population that I have
had experience with to
side of the story
date. “If you want to live
in my country, you should
in force, whilst
abide by my rules”. Is it
a valid argument? With
ignoring many
all the tabloid media
seemingly being anti- issues that may
(illegal) immigration,
it could well be media counteract the
top-selling issue”
frenzy. On the other
hand there’s a chance that
the underlying tone was
more than just a passing comment.
For the record, I’d like to avoid any
criticisms of xenophobic material here, as
it’s merely an observation and, perhaps to
my discredit, I can’t be bothered with the
backlash of comments this article may well
attract. There’s PC, there’s right and wrong,
and then there’s ‘I saw, I wrote, I finished”.
So are immigrants welcome? The media
portrays most as those that can’t speak
anything but “political asylum”, or the
parasites of our economy – but for every
story of a money-leeching good-for-nothing
illegal immigrant, is there a valid cause?
Perhaps. Nobody really knows apart from
those that deal with them day to day and
can see the un-altered figures. But the fact
of the matter is that England consists of an
ageing population – one, that without the
support from a growing working population,
would encounter economic problems. The
‘war babies’, so to speak, which were (from
what I gather) a product of men returning
from conflict to relieve their sexual
frustration more regularly than normal, are
beginning to take out their pensions and
this understandably puts a strain upon the
economy. One generation’s urge to spurt
their load is another one’s burden. Or
perhaps it was more than just our burden,
only history can tell. But whatever is
the case, the working population requires
immigrants to sustain the increasing load
upon our economy. Or so it has been said.
What’s the problem? Accent, race, colour,
religion? Or is it just the majority of the
population being sucked into a belief that
one case study, or ‘world exclusive’ is in
2 October 2003
fact the norm for Britain. We are an ‘easy that may counteract the top-selling story. stories but have heard them in various styles
touch’. “Europe” takes a million percent Controversy and outrage on the front page throughout my life. I’d like to experience
less immigrants than we do. Apparently. will sell a newspaper and this should be it for myself, but until then can only offer
I’m sceptical, and remembered. I’m not saying that stories the anecdote that has been passed on to
believe there’s reason
to be so.
are inaccurate, or that
it’s the complete truth.Many believe that
me. I agree it can be a
real annoyance when
Many believe that
‘our’ (worked hard
Just that bad news
sells. Who wants to ‘our’ (worked
hearing anyone speak in
English, then suddenly
for the £4.50 an hour) hear of the success of change to a different
taxes are paying for
a minority to live an
a local business run
by ‘foreigners’ when
hard for the language. It happens,
and it jerks some kind
excessive lifestyle. In
some cases it may well
highlighting the tax-
payer’s expense in
£4.50 an hour) of unconscious feeling of
outrage – and that is what
be true, and it shouldn’t
be. The hostility
such and such an area
will increase interest in
taxes are paying I believe comes from
media hype.
between ethnic groups
in the UK seems to
the article?
Some things do, and
for a minority to Stories hearing of
anyone ‘scrounging from
be increased by media
reports of ethnic groups
always will, wind up
the locals. The classic
live an excessive the state’ wind me up. If
you’re here and able to
demanding this, that,
and the other – but
story is, Englishman
walks into a Welsh
lifestyle. work, there’s plenty of
options available. There
in reality nobody has pub and has heard lively conversation from are genuine cases but these are outweighed
a clue what is really outside. Upon entrance, a short silence, a by those that take advantage of imperfections
going on. The media few stares, then a huge din of Welsh fills in the system. It could be the government’s
is excellent at portraying one side of the the atmosphere. I personally have no fault for having such a naff system, or it
issue in force, whilst ignoring many issues clue whatsoever as to the validity of such could be the demoralising morality of the
world – either way something should be
done to prevent it and it really is annoying
to the majority of people. But it should
be seen in perspective – the media build it
up, because bad press sells. Some, if not
most, people believe it because they’ve
been exposed to similar circumstances on
a lower scale. However opinions seem to
be judged on what’s been read rather than
what’s been seen, and – for me at least – it
seems to be a dangerous business. Beware
of the influence of ‘I heard’ and ‘I saw’, but
by all means form an opinion from personal
experiences.
In short, there seems to be too much of
‘I heard this’ and ‘I was told’, whereas
this is outweighed by the media hype
and frenzy. From what I’ve experienced,
‘society’ is generally pretty welcoming and
liberal. Hence the standing of the elected
government – but I wouldn’t like to see a
change of attitude because of bad press.
It seems nobody can really provide an honest
account of the situation of immigration, be it
illegal or not, in this country – but many have
attempted to provide statistics and stories of
individual cases. In an increasingly media-
orientated and persuaded world, I’d say
it’s the responsibility of the media to start
providing articles that are closer to the truth
than those that sell, and the responsibility of
those that take interest in the media to look at
the wider world around them before coming
to a judgement. There is no clear situation
from what I have read, but there seems to be
many clear opinions on where to stand.
2 October 2003 UNION 9

photos by chris hunter | collage by pete nichols

Catherine Marshall, RAG Publicity Officer brings us an update on all things charitable.
FIRSTLY I WOULD like to say a huge Thank You to everybody
who signed up with RAG at this year’ Fresher’s Fair. We had
a record number of students coming to talk to us and find
out who we are and what we’re all about. In case you didn’t
know, RAG stands for ‘Raising and Giving’ – and we aim
to raise loads of dosh for worthwhile causes (whether that
be street collections in towns all over the country or holding
wacky events here on campus!) all while having as much fun
as humanly possible.
Our next event will be here in Guildford on SATURDAY
4TH OCTOBER. We will be collecting all across Guildford
Town centre for Breast Cancer Campaign –a charity which
Surrey RAG believes to be very worthwhile. Breast Cancer
Campaign have agreed to give us collecting tins, stickers,
T-shirts and prizes for our top collectors so what are you
waiting for? Come and meet some new students and get
involved! You will also be able to sign up with the V-Project
(if you haven’t already) and get a Volunteering certificate
at the end of the year for all the RAG events you help us
with!!
Our RAG RAID on Saturday will be in two sessions, a
morning and an afternoon session for those of you who don’t
feel that you will last the whole day. The morning session
will be from 9am-1pm and the afternoon session from 1-
5pm with lunch being provided in the Union between 1-2pm
(sandwiches etc) for both groups. We will also be meeting
up in Chancellors from 5.30pm for celebratory drinks and
if we’ve counted all the money in time – prize giving and
totals!! A great chance to get in some early drinks before the
Fresher’s Ball. Everyone is welcome to join us.
What we need YOU to do now is contact our Chairperson,
Zoe via rag@ussu.co.uk and come to a brief 20 minute
meeting this Friday 3rd Oct at 6pm in the committee room
(downstairs in the Union) where we will go over Saturday’s
itinerary, permits, how to collect, and give you all the other
necessary info to make sure that you have a amazing day
helping out a fantastic charity. As we have to have the names
of everybody who takes part for our permits we need to
know who will be coming on Saturday by Friday 3rd at the
latest! If you can’t make our meeting then please e-mail us.
UPDATE
And if that’s not enough….In two weeks time Surrey RAG
will be heading off to Birmingham for some ‘MIDLAND
MANIA’ on Friday 17th - Sunday 19th October. This is an
annual event where RAG’s from Universities all over Britain
come together and spend a day collecting for Help The Aged.
Two nights accommodation is provided at Aston University
Halls of Residence plus lunch and travel (by train) expenses
all paid for. You even get a free T-shirt! The Saturday night
will be reserved for the hugest party you’ve ever seen before
trundling home on the Sunday morning with a well deserved
hangover. Sound like fun?? Then simply get in touch with us
and join us for a weekend of serious mayhem.
Revitilise Your Life…With ‘The V Project’!
A BIG HELLO to you if you managed to get your paws on one
of the limited edition (does 3,000 count as limited edition?!)
‘V Project’ keyrings at Freshers Fayre. I’ll be keeping my
eyes peeled to see how many I can spot attached to keys
(or anything else) around UniS/ USSU! If you didn’t get
yourself a keyring last week then fear not! – I do have a few
left so toddle along to the USSU and I will be more than
happy to furnish you with this exceptionally groovy article!
Many thanks if you were one of the 120 people who came
along to Chancellors bar on Friday 26th and contributed to
Macmillan Cancer Relief by drinking coffee and eating
cakes! We raised an amazing £200 – wow! A fantastic
effort so many thanks! This paragraph cannot be completed
without also saying a huge public thank you to Chancellors
who donated ingredients, time and effort to ensuring the
morning’s success.
Looking onwards towards the future we have lots of
exciting opportunities stacked up for you:
Archer? - Appear On TV! A Channel 4 production
company are producing a series on Medieval Weapons,
and a few stray students and staff helped with one of the
programmes over the summer. (Watch out for the article
coming soon to a copy of Barefacts near you!) Anyway,
they are now working on their ‘bow/ archery’ programme
and need archers! Sounds like a great opportunity!
Filming will take place on Sat 11th/ Sun 12th Oct Oct.
Clean Up! Be environmental and help make
the earth a clean place to live by helping at a
fun ‘clean up day’ in Tongham on Sat 18th Oct!
Eradicate The Weeds! Come along to a local infants
school for a few hours on Sat 18th Oct to help plant a sensory
garden and pull out lots of weeds!
Maybe something a bit longer term appeals to you? – you
can get involved in a local organisation where you will meet
people and make a difference, as well as having fun and giving
your CV a boost! Here’s a few ideas to whet your appetite:
Manual Skills? ‘Skillway’ runs a workshop that teaches
difficult young people useful manual skills. Enhance your
skills, gain practical experience, and help others!
Database Genius? ‘Furnistore’ are a charity that
collect no longer required furniture and appliances
for re-use, and are in great need of a database to
enable them to generate reports and keep track of
furniture. Can you help? - fantastic CV experience?

- STOP PRESS : Union COuncil -

Role Model? Travellers are one of the largest ethnic
groups in Surrey and there is a mentoring/ role model
support group for many young people. You will gain loads
Tuesday 7th October | 1pm | Main Union of life experience from this!
A quick reminder…if you are on the committee of a club/
society, you are automatically classed as part of The V
The first Union Council of the year is certainly an exciting one. In it we will be electing the part time Executive
Project, and to get a swanky certificate at the end of the year,
Committee, who are the people running the Union at the highest level, along with the 5 Sabbatical Officers. There will
all you have to do is tell me who you are and what you do!
be short speeches from the candidates, and the opportunity to ask questions before the voting takes place.
Make the most of your week – it won’t be coming around
again! Please make contact with me for more information on
You will have the chance to decide who helps run the Union’s Campaigns (such as safety and sexual health), who
any of the above fantastic opportunities.
helps chose what ents we have at the Union, and who ensures noone is discrimnated against or left out when it comes
to Union policies. These people really will makea difference to your year at Surrey, so make sure you come alone and
Name | Carol Main
have your say.
Tel | (01483) (68) 3254
Email | c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Nomination are still open for the positions of Campaigns Officer and Accommodation Officer, so if you fancy being one
Web | http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
of the people who will ensure ‘Lights, Camera, Action’ continues, or want to find out exactly how the University plan
Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU
their accommodation allocation policy, then why not pop into the Union and pick up a nomination form?

If you have any questions, then just ask any of the Sabbatical Officers in the Activities Centre in the Students’ Union.
Otherwise, remember the date - 7th October at 1pm - see you there!

Sarah Butterworth | Vice President Communications & Marketing | comms@ussu.co.uk

Do you GU2?
GU2’s Station Manager, Amelia Lefroy brings us her weekly update on all things GU2

THIS LAST WEEK has whizzed by at an alarming rate of knots, but that’s probably because
it’s been action packed! The Freshers’ Fayre was amazing for all involved. Well done to
all the sabbaticals, societies, sports clubs and union staff who made the day happen!
As promised GU2 broadcasted live from the Freshers Fayre last Wednesday. Not only
were we handing out limited edition key-rings/bottle-openers faster than you can give
away truckers breakfasts (speaking of which tune into Hodge’s show on Friday 3-6 to
win two truckers breakfasts from Chancellors) but we also gave loads of societies the
chance to plug themselves. Societies from No Wave to Afro-Caribbean Soc to LGBT to
the V and Dave projects (speaking of which tune in Mondays 5-6 to catch Carol and Scott
and find out more) got to have their 2 minutes of fame! But how did GU2 do I hear you
cry?! Flipping well actually! We had 168 people sign up and then 70 people turned up to
Monday’s introductory presentation. If you signed up at Fresher’s Fayre but missed the
meeting, or if you missed both opportunities, then fear not! Email manager@gu2.co.uk
to find out how you can get involved… or just come along to our general meeting,
Thursday at 6.15pm in Hari’s bar (the one with Bacardi signs above it).
Then there was the Cyclone Dance Show outside broadcast from Roots café bar on
Friday night when our very own DJ Woody and DJ Rodney brought you the very best of
dance and trance alongside the returning Jay White, which went down a storm (sorry, it
was too much of an obvious pun to let it go!). But the fun simply doesn’t stop... If you
are a post-graduate here at UniS, we’re going to be broadcasting live from your Freshers’
Fayre on Monday from the main Union.
And if you’re too lazy to get involved, or presenting/engineering/marketing/everything
else GU2 offiers is not your thing, then why not just listen on 1350AM/MW or if you’re
off Campus, just connect to the Internet and type in www.gu2.co.uk to your browser to
listen to the Best Student Radio Station. It’s your music, it’s your station, it’s GU2.

‘GU2 - Hands on experience in all aspects of radio for everyone.’

2 October 2003
Get in at the Ground Floor with SERAPH
Liz Morgan-Lewis introduces a new initiative for the University of Surrey
A NEW GROUP is being formed here at the University of Surrey.
Named SERAPH, it is a group of like minded students,
coming together with Soroptimist International (a worldwide
organisation for women in business and the professions) to
fight for human rights both locally and internationally. This
is only the second SERAPH group to be formed in the
world! The first group was formed just over a
year ago at the University of Sussex, and
the members have worked on many
projects and have raised money
for different charities. They
have joined with the charity
Mankind UK to produce
a documentary about the
issues surrounding male
rape and sexual abuse to
help raise awareness and
promote advocacy.
Working with their local
Soroptimist International
Club, members have
helped to revitalise a
children’s playground
locally, painting climbing
frames, slides and swings
and so improving the quality
of life for youngsters. Members
of Surrey SERAPH will determine
the group’s projects, fund raising and
social activities, but sponsored by Soroptimist
International of Guildford, they will have the opportunity
to get involved in Soroptimist activities locally and
internationally.
Amongst the issues high on Soroptimist International’s
agenda over recent years has been the anti-landmines
campaign, in which Soroptimists were key players. As a
Friend Raising & Fund Raising
ALUMNA, THE GODDESS of the Surrey Alumni Society, patron
saint of all Surrey graduates, began her long, tireless work
in 1988, incorporating the Friends of the University to
create the renascent of the Surrey Society. Her creation of
the Surrey Alumni Society occurred only nine years hence
but her determination created a powerful, forceful existence,
known through the universe as Friend Raising.
With strong ties to first cousins Recruitment and Publication,
god of Marketing and goddess of Public Affairs, Alumna
was generously supported through many years of change.
A sound alliance with Globe, god of the International
Office, has brought recent rise to joint ventures - united they
accept global missions and undertake a brave new world.
Recently reunited with long lost twin, Prince, the god of
development, patron saint of all fundraising efforts, Alumna
and Prince work side by side, remembering the parental
PROFESSIONAL
Non Governmental Organisation they made the largest
single donation in the world to fund landmines clearance.
More recently they have been involved in a project to
provide facilities for artificial limbs for landmine victims in
Afghanistan, Georgia and Angola. More than £800,000 was
raised by Soroptimists all over the world for this four
year project.
Here specifically in the UK - trafficking
– especially of women and children
– has been a key lobbying issue
for Soroptimist International
and additionally Clubs
have been seeking to
raise awareness of drink
spiking and the ‘date
rape’ which sometimes
follows. The state of
our train stations and
trains has been a topic
which many Clubs
have been involved in
monitoring – expressing
concern to the authorities
at the highest level about
the vulnerability of some
passengers, especially
women, and their safety when
travelling alone by train.
If you are interested in getting
involved in SERAPH activities, please
come along to the very first meeting, which is
being held at 6.30pm on Wednesday 6 October in the
Grant Mitchell Room of the Students’ Union. If you
can’t make that or would like more information, feel free
to contact Liz Morgan-Lewis on UniS ext 3932 or via
LizML98@aol.com.
legacies from Battersea and Edith Clarke. Prince, known for
his tact and discretion, embarked upon an ambitious journey
into the depths of Fund Raising.
Now Alumna and Prince working with their spirits,
approach their sphere with a united front: Friend Raising
and Fund Raising.
Telephone Campaign update
The Alumni & Development Office has received an
overwhelming response to the recruitment for the Telephone
Campaign in November. Thank you to all applicants!
Amintha Buckland | Alumni & Development Office.
a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk | alumni@surrey.ac.uk
Tel: 01483 689236
11
Dr Russ Replies
DR RUSS CLARK
CAREERS SERVICE
I know what type of work I’d like to do. How do I find
employers who’d want me?
A convenient place to start is by using a Careers Directory
such as Prospects. We have free copies of these in the
Careers Service and the information they contain is also
available on www.prospects.ac.uk. You could use the index
to find out who is recruiting graduates for the type of work
you have in mind. Something else you can do is check the
Vacancy Bulletins which you will find on the table just as
you come into the Careers Service. These summarise the
most recent information we have received from employers
about the graduates they will need next year. You can also
see this information on the web at www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/
misweb/careers/home.htm.
How can I find more information about employers?
About 50 organisations will be attending the Careers
Fair in Austin Pearce on 9 October. That presents a great
opportunity to ask them questions face to face. Also, most
employers, well certainly the larger ones anyway, carry their
graduate recruitment information on their web site. You can
access this conveniently through the web-based version of
our vacancy bulletin because we provide links to employer
web sites wherever possible. Many employers produce
career brochures as well so if you’d prefer to look at a
paper version we often have at least a reference copy in the
Careers Service. I must mention though that the majority of
employers who send us brochures or vacancy information at
this time of year are major graduate recruiters.
What if I wanted to work for a smaller organisation?
It’s a bit early to apply to smaller employers since they tend
to work on a shorter time-scale. A mail-shot which included
your CV and a covering letter around March or April next
year would probably receive a more positive response. You
could also, by then, begin to use current vacancy lists such
as the Immediate Vacancies Bulletin which we produce in
the Careers Service. There are also useful directories such
as Kompass which list smaller employers.
Got any other tips?
Just one. I invariably see students every year who have
failed to get job offers because they have only applied to
employers who are ‘household names’. The competition
for these is intense. By all means include them in your list,
but consider whether it would also be in your interests to
first research and then apply to a few you’ve never heard
of. They often have some great jobs on offer for which they
simply don’t get enough applicants.
Got a career problem you think Dr Russ could help
with? Pop into the Careers Service or send your question
to barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
 FILM
Theatre Editor Neil In a special double page
Boulton enters the world spread, Theatre Editor
of the animated classic Daisy Clay brings us more
‘Tron’ as well as taking a on nights out in theatres
trip to see ‘Once Upon a both in Guildford and
Time in Mexico’
singles
TURIN BRAKES
5 MILE (THESE ARE THE
DAYS)
Source
You can probably imagine
what this sounds like already
– gentle acoustic strumming
laced with their trademark vocal
harmonies, an understated but
optimistic-sounding melody
and an uncanny resemblance
to all their other releases.
Unfortunately my journalistic
objectivism doesn’t quite extend
to pretending I feel anything
other than overwhelming apathy
towards this, and the fact that
it was almost the last CD to be
selected at the handout suggests
I’m not alone. j.d.
BRITISH SEA POWER
REMEMBER ME
Rough Trade
This was originally released
back in December 2001 as the
band’s first single on Rough
Trade. Much has been written
about the Brighton based band,
and with this single they justify
all the hype. Similar in style
to Super Furry Animals, this
is an enjoyable romp through
3 minutes of upbeat rock. The
B-sides reveal a more melodic
side to the band, especially
with Good Good Boys. On
the basis of this collection of
songs, BSP are well worth
checking out. m.f
turin brakes | live
THEATRE
nearby Woking
READ YELLOW
READ YELLOW EP
Fenway Recordings
Representing the noisier, dirtier
extreme of the prevailing garage
aesthetic, Read Yellow are
definitely not The Strokes. They
have distortion pedals, and they’re
not afraid to use them – even on
the vocals, if the eponymous lead
track is anything to go by. Read
Yellow itself and Static suggest
at least a passing familiarity with
the concept of songwriting, but in
a live environment, where Read
Yellow undoubtedly thrive, it’s
simply about making yourself
heard. And they clearly have no
worries there. j.d.
AZURE RAY
THE DRINKS WE DRANK LAST NIGHT
Saddle Creek
The enchanting Azure Ray return
with simple, intimate track taken
from the upcoming Hold on Love
album. Delicate piano, a fragile
beat and Portishead-like vocal all
combine to create what we can
only hope will not find itself in the
record collections of people that
like Dido, for that would mean
many have missed the point of this
delightful single. r.w.
the strokes
THE DONNAS THE SIGHTS THE STROKES
TOO BAD ABOUT YOUR GIRL BE LIKE NORMAL 12:51
Atlantic Sweet Nothing Rough Trade
A dose of femme powered pop You could almost forgive a band What a pleasant surprise! I
punk from the good ol USA. for calling themselves The Sights put this CD on expecting to
TBAYG is very catchy from the were it not for the fact that they be greeted with Is This It 2.0,
outset, but the lyrics are very seem only to have done in order but judging by the first track
repetitive. Its quite hard to to aid the obvious pun. This heard from Room On Fire
compare them to other bands point aside, the music makes for things could get a bit different.
because there arent that many interesting listening. Well, not that different, but
similar bands that actually stand Initially referencing The White the presence of a cheeky organ
out from the crowd. Overall Stripes, Be Like Normal begins line and the odd handclap here
TBAYG is catchy due to its to sound like Oasis covering and there contribute to a very
repetitiveness but doesnt get Jimi Hendrix before the chorus cheerful vibe that their debut
boring. A distinctly average track. goes someway to retrieving what just didn’t have. I wasn’t all
p.w. is otherwise a mediocre single that enthusiastic about the new
designed to help promote a re- album… until I heard this.
released album which didnt make Bring it on! j.a.
an impact first time around. On
the strength of this single, it is not
hard to see why that was the case.
r.w.
NIO
DO YOU THINK YOU’RE SPECIAL?
Echo
Unlike his older contemporary
Craig David, 18 year-old Nio is
having difficulties with a young.
Fortunately for the young lad, THE NAKED APES
he knows how to spin a tune and WASTED
has a distinctive enough voice to Renegade
To become part of the
raise himself above the London
Massive din currently pouring out
of the capital so that he can get
The Naked Apes are another dose
of pop punk from Reading, best bf music team,
the problems off his chest and has described as a cross between a
Blink182 and Bowling for Soup. just turn up to the
thus used his experience to create
The lyrics seem to require little
a track that many will be grinding
to in pubs and clubs the country thought but the tunes are meetings at 5.15pm on
over. He might not be Dizzee catchy. Its not a bad song but
its not great either, fairly Mondays in the
Rascal, but then again its just
similar to other pop punk
possible he is not trying to be. r.w.
hitting the charts. p.w. USSU Media Centre
or email barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
2 October 2003 MUSIC 15
JAMELIA ENVY DOVES
THANK YOU A DEAD SINKING STORY LOST SIDES
Parlophone Rock Action Heavenly

OCEANSIZE
EFFLORESCE
Beggars Banquet
Effloresce, apparently, means
to burst forth, to flower. This is
exactly the feeling offered by
this album. The majority of the
tunes are slow, tuneful almost
proggy rock showing influences
by the likes of Mogwai, Trail of
Dead etc. Dispersed throughout,
however, are explosive bursts
of superb melodic rock that do
indeed seem to burst forth from
their surroundings. Massive
Bereavement is a ten minute, 3
guitared marathon that seems to
JAMES HARDWAY
BIG CASINO
EMI
The self-proclaimed godfather of
techno, James Hardway has been
releasing music since the early
80s. His latest release shows how
far he has come as he injects a
colourful fusion of hybrid jazz,
electronica and Latin rhythms.
Choosing to use his talents behind
the mixing desk, this album
consists of a number of vocal
collaborations, all of which help
Thank You is the 2nd album by Does the world of music need
Genre naming for this type
Birmingham-born R’n’B Superstar- another excuse to re-issue
of music is getting a bit silly
hopeful Jamelia, who back in ’99 tracks that were originally
nowadays with post this and
was poised to ride the wave that decided upon not to be good for
immense that so I’m going to cut
carried the genre into everyone’s the album? Well no, but you
straight to it, Envy are basically
faces but was forced to return to cannot help but warm to tracks
emotional hardcore. From Japan.
shore when she became pregnant. such as Darker which put most
The songs verge between trying
Things took off without her and singles to shame with its raw
to hit you in the face musically
now she wants back in and she’s subdued energy and an mature
with a shovel and slightly plinky
the face on a very polished, atmospheric sound highlighting
quiet reflection. They also take
strongly commercial album. the Doves strength and depth.
their time about things; only one
Although things feel too generic This collection of B-sides spans
track is shorter than five minutes
- I’m probably not the best person the Doves short but successful
(although that one feels more like
to have reviewed this, but to me career charting their dance rock
an intermission, static and the
she sounds too much like a Missy days to recent guitar anthems.
sound of a tape player backing up
Elliot clone to really stand apart The fantastic Hit The Ground
mixed with the ambient sound of
from anyone, especially when Running is a somewhat of a un
railroad workers). You can easily
Missy Elliot does things better. Doves like track with catchy
sense the emotions in the songs
Having said that it’s nice to see lyrics and bouncing backing
despite the language barrier
the UK trying to beat down the make it hard to believe its their
present. The music is sort of a
stranglehold the US has on things. work. The spooky Meet Me At
mix between established-types
If you’re into R’n’B it might be The Pier and the exceptional Far
Refused and Mogwai, nothing
worth checking out, but not to my From Grace again illustrate the
particularly new but in my
untrained ear. n.b. vast quality that have filled two
opinion sounds better than many
critically acclaimed albums and
of the new names springing up
now, these so called leftover’s
nowadays in this genre. n.b.
make up this very credible
collection. m.b.
average
outstanding
poor

be filled with energy the whole
way through, whilst Amputee
has a much more mainstream
sound and is easily the stand-out
track. Effloresce isn’t just any
old album, Oceansize take the
listener on a truly exhilarating
journey through the ups and
downs of their life. In a word?
Awesome. j.a.
albums
produce a rich mixture of styles.
Notable high points include the excellent
mesmerising See Through Me and
the pounding opening track Feel In good
Love. However, at certain points
in the album, Hardway seems to
run out of ideas, resulting in a
few ‘filler’ tunes. Overall this is
an enjoyable album, perfect for
relaxing to. m.f

classic album
The Stones
Come Home
By Liz Morgan-Lewis
APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION
GUNS N ROSES OK, so I know it’s only rock
Geffen ‘n roll, but we like it, as some
50,000 of us testified at London’s
Guns N Roses entered the 80s music scene and then proceeded to Twickenham Stadium on Saturday
shatter it! Their ripped jeans and t-shirts completely contrasted the night for the final concert in the
brightly coloured spandex of other bands around at the time. Sex, Rolling Stones 2003 World Tour.
Drugs and Rock n Roll these guys lived the life they sang about. The date of the ‘homecoming
They were the new kids on the block and everybody wanted a piece, concert’ had been postponed from
with record companies scratching at their heels to sign them. This the original August Bank Holiday
resulted in Appetite, a debut crammed with attitude and raw energy. weekend due to Mick’s bout of
From the opening bars of Welcome to the Jungle to the end of Rocket ‘flu, for which he apologised to
Queen Axl and his boys take you on a ride through their messed the packed stadium.
up lives. Welcome to the Jungle is homage to LA, Paradise City The guys more than made
more specifically about the hopes and dreams of Hollywood and Mr up for any disappointment
Brownstone was Axls way of trying to help some band members over with an unforgettable almost
come their addictions. The out of nowhere comes Sweet Child O Mine, two hour long performance.
still one of the most well known and popular rock ballads to this very Following the Primal Scream
day, although it only did well in the charts on its re-release. Appetite support set, opening with Brown
took you on a tour de force from start to finish a truly uncompromising Sugar, they rock ‘n rolled the
and outstanding album to this very day. p.w. audience through many of the
old favourites: It’s Only Rock ‘n
Roll, Tumbling Dice, Satisfaction,
Gimme Shelter, Honky Tonk
Woman, Miss You and on to Start
Me Up and Don’t Stop. So there
were a few more lines on their
faces, but they seemed to have
lost none of their energy.
‘Do you want some blues?’ Mick
yelled, leading into a wonderful
newer number with some of the
most magnificent guitar work I’ve
ever seen. Since I saw them last
on their 94/95 Voodoo Lounge
Tour, I fancied there was a bit less
‘strut’ in Mick’s step, but, hell, he
is a 60 year old grandfather!
In a recent interview Keith
Richards said, ‘It’s great to be here,
hell it’s great to be anywhere!’ no
doubt contemplating his decades
of wild living. He performed a
couple of stunning solo numbers
and I for one had almost forgotten
that as well as being one of the
world’s top guitarists, he also has
a tremendous voice.
A stupendous light and flame
show was reserved for Mick’s
old favourite Sympathy for the
Devil and multicolour fireworks
accompanied the encore –
Jumping Jack Flash – I’d thought
they’d forgotten it!
Call me biased if you will, but
I don’t care what anyone says- to
me they are and always will be -
the Greatest Rock ‘n Roll Band in
the World.
16
thelifeCemetery Club
& love after death
Theatre Editor Daisy Clay is very moved after a visit to the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford
Although theatre can be predominantly
about entertainment, it is often not just
about being entertained, but about being
made to think and to experience a range
of emotions. This review of The Cemetery
Club also considers the issue of life, and
love, after death, demonstrating how theatre
can inspire a great deal of after-thought and
deliberation.
As always, upon entering an auditorium,
I am ready to be entertained – but I am also
open-minded and ready to take away as
much as I possibly can from
the experience. I believe that
theatre should be actively
experienced, where the
mind is constantly seeking
to further explore and
consider ideas offered by
the piece. In my mind,
a production has truly
succeeded when, upon
leaving the auditorium,
your mind is a loud buzz of
concepts and thoughts that
you simply must consider
further. The Cemetery Club
succeeded in this precise
way. It not only entertained
me, but provoked me to
feel an entire spectrum of
emotions, and to think
about important life – and
death – issues.
The Cemetery Club
tells the story of
three widows who
meet up every week
to visit the graves of
their late husbands. The
three friends couldn’t be more different in
their attitude towards their loss. Straight-
laced Doris (Anne Charleston) lives for
the memory of her husband; frumpy and
sweet Ida (Michelle Dotrice) misses having
someone to cuddle, and flirty Lucille
(Shirley Anne Field) will do whatever it
takes to catch herself a new rich husband.
But when Ida meets widower Sam (Edward
Woodward), Doris and Lucille become
threatened and attempt to spoil the growing
romance. From this point on the audience
“you’ll die
begins to see more
of how Doris, Ida
and Lucille truly feel
laughing”
about their lives since
becoming widows,
which proves to be
somewhat different to the impressions they
were giving.
In order to recreate the strength of the
play’s significance it is necessary to briefly
recount the story of The Cemetery Club to
place it in context. It is the contrast between
THEATRE
each of the widows and their interaction that
leads to the delivery of the play’s ultimate
message.
Ida, although sure of the love that she held
for her husband, is beginning to feel that
she still has a life to lead, and starts to think
that she and Doris may be missing out on
something. Lucille seems to be having all
the fun in ‘playing the field’, and is surely
not missing out on anything, much to Doris’
disapproval. Doris, in wanting to stay loyal
to her husband, and devote all she can to his
memory, sees Lucille’s flirtatious
behaviour towards other men
as immoral. Lucille seems
essentially not to miss her
husband at all, although it soon
unfolds how he cheated on
her during their marriage.
This is not to say that she
does not miss him – in an
emotional climax
she reveals to Doris
and Ida how she has “my mind
actually never slept
with another man
since her husband,
was left
much to their
shock and disbelief.
reeling with
While Doris and
Ida assumed she thoughts of
had, and were busy
disapproving
her coy behaviour,
of life, love and
Lucille longed for
her husband to be death”
watching over
her, and to be feeling the
way she had felt whilst
he cheated on her.
When Sam arrives on the scene and Ida
appears interested, Lucille
and Doris worry that
she will forget about
their ‘cemetery club’,
and more specifically
Doris worries that Ida
will not remain loyal to
her husband’s memory.
Doris takes the lead in
warning Sam off Ida,
explaining how he is
only likely
to hurt her
feelings. At
that point Sam,
still grieving
for the loss
of his wife, is uncertain
about entering into a new
relationship, and instead
of confronting his feelings,
he takes the easy way out
– when Doris shows him
the door, he runs through it. Ida knows
nothing about Doris and Lucille’s part in
Sam’s sudden absence from her life, and is
heartbroken.
Later, true to life, whilst under the
strong influence of alcohol, Doris
lets slip to Ida that she warned Sam “the play
off, much to Ida’s absolute horror.
Witnessing Ida’s unhappiness, delivers a
Doris realises how wrong she was
to interfere and recognises that the poignant
way in which she lives her life as
a widow is evidently not how Ida
wishes to live hers. Up until that
message”
point Doris had been oblivious to the fact
that everyone is different when it comes to
life after the death of their partner. This is
reiterated by Sam, who realises his feelings
for Ida and decides to ignore the opinion of
Doris and Lucille. With Doris and Lucille
both sorry for interfering, and Sam and
Ida choosing to be
together because it
feels right for them,
the play delivers a
poignant message
about life, and love,
after death. This
message is powerfully
delivered by Sam
who says that when it
comes to coping with
the death of a loved
one, there is no set
way to behave – “you
just have to do what
is right for you”.
In addition to the central message, the
play also leads to an exceedingly touching
conclusion, where Doris passes away in
her sleep. This ending is at first upsetting,
but then immensely touching as it is then
referred to that, according to her beliefs, she
is now together with her husband, and that
by her wishes she will be buried with him in
his grave to lie by his side forevermore.
The Cemetery Club left me wondering
about how different we all are when
it comes to coping with the
loss of a loved one, and just
goes to show how different we
all are. My mind was left reeling
with thoughts of life, love and
death – and it was sobering
to think how the situation
that Ida, Doris and
Lucille find themselves
in, widowhood and
all the challenges
and uncertainties it
brings, is actually
very common.
I was certainly
not alone in feeling
2 October 2003
extremely moved by the play, and as I left the
theatre full of emotion I was surrounded by
many other audience members who seemed
to be deep in thought. Tears were certainly
shed in the audience, as many
audience members remained in
their seats for a few moments
longer than is usual – some
of whom with tissues. In all
honesty, I really could have
(and probably should have)
stayed with them and asked for
a tissue (or several).
Despite the play’s sorrowful
narrative, the mood was continually ebbing
and flowing, whereby it was also witty
and heart-warming – I spent half the play
fighting back tears, whilst I spent the rest of
the time holding my sides from laughter.
With regard to individual performances,
each actor gave a superb performance,
although to choose one shining moment
of any actor’s from the play, it would
have to be Anne Charleston portraying an
incredibly drunken-Doris. For all the lack of
coordination, and difficulties with speech,
and inane giggling, she could have been
knocking back the vodka shots offstage!
There were also some truly hilarious one-
liners, delivered with perfect comic timing.
Quoting the play’s programme “You’ll die
laughing!”.
Each actor gave convincing and emotional
performances, making me feel intense
sadness for their tragic losses. Nevertheless,
I was then brought fiercely back to reality as
I saw how their stories represented the lives
of real people, whose grief is so painfully
real.
In grieving for a loved one, we try to hold
tightly onto their memory and we react to
loss in many different ways. As illustrated
by The Cemetery Club, we cope in so many
different ways that it is impossible to instruct
another into behaving in a certain way. No-
one can know how best to deal with the
loss of someone dear to their heart until the
situation occurs. And most importantly “you
have to do what is right for you”.
If you would like to write a
review of a play that you have
seen for barefacts then go
right ahead, and just email
it in to the usual place -
barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
Don’t spend time worrying
about how good your review
is, just get writing – we want
to hear about your theatre
experience, good or bad, so
that we can tell everyone
about it!
2 October 2003
Design for Living
Chris Ward and Amelia Farrant visit the Ambassadors Theatre in Woking
Set and released originally in the 1930s, it
was almost certain that “Design For Living”
would be banned from theatres. As the
curtain opens, the audience is confronted
with an abstract arrangement of misshaped
window frames, providing them with an
abrupt warning that what they are about
to see is surreal, unconventional, and
outrageous. It is a world
that the audience will have “I love you.
not experienced and it is a
world they will feel alienated You love me.
from at the outset. But it is
also a world they will feel
disturbingly familiar with as
I love Otto.
the play progresses.
“Design For Living”
Otto loves
portrays a group of three
people, a threesome if you
you. Otto
like (in more ways than one).
The three acts of the play, the
loves me.”
three main characters, and the three sets all
contribute to emphasise this triangle of love,
hate, and emotion; with a culmination that
intricately forces the audience to feel the
embarrassment and guilt that the characters
seem to be finally immune to. Janie Dee is
excellent as Gilda, delivering an enchanting
and powerful performance. Aden Gillett
How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
By foot from campus:
Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the
hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge
Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through
THEATRE
(An Inspector Calls) and Hugo Speer (The
Full Monty) make an excellent pair as
mirrored characters that love both Gilda and
each other.
The play carries the subtle satire of a
Wilde play, but contains a sharp and
powerful substance that one can’t quite put
their finger on. Very rarely is a disfigured
abstract set juxtaposed with
a naturalistic script, and the
contrasting mixture gives
the play a very postmodern
feel, despite it being set in
the 30s. Not as shocking and
outrageous as it would have
been 70 years ago, “Design
For Living” still addresses
many relationship issues
that are very ripe in today’s
age. A sexual threesome is
considered a very modern
concept, yet Noel Coward takes things much
further and puts it in the same league as a
long-term relationship, pushing the limits of
taboo. If you’re in a relationship that you
think is tattered and in pieces, go and see
this, you might start to appreciate things a
bit more.
the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue
along Millbrook past Debenhams. The
Theatre is just past this large building on
the right.
Box Office (01483) 440000
www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/
Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre
Team? For more details, email Daisy at
ps21dc@surrey.ac.uk, or just
turn up to barefacts meetings in the USSU
Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.
17
Humble Boy
Now showing at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford
Hayley Mills heads a star cast as one of father, is still best known for his role in
the West End’s most critically acclaimed ‘Til Death Us Do Part, in which he played
plays opens at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre. Alf Garnett’s principled son-in-law. Recent
Humble Boy (Weds 1 – Sat 11 Oct) features roles include a part in Jimmy McGovern’s
Hayley Mills, Tony Booth, Bridget Forsyth film Priest. Brigit Forsyth has been seen
and John Burgess in an intelligent and as Thelma in Whatever Happened to the
“funny, very very funny” (Sunday Times) Likely Lads, and as Francine in Playing
play set in a Cotswolds garden. the Field. John Burgess has had a long and
Ex-bunny girl Flora is mourning the death distinguished career, including a major role
of her bee-keeping husband James Humble in Brookside.
when her estranged son Felix returns to Student tickets are available for £7 Mon-
the family home. Tensions rise when Felix Thurs, with performances starting at 7.45pm
discovers secrets about his mother, and each night. A review of Humble Boy will
when a plain-speaking businessman enters appear in next week’s Barefacts.
the garden, grieving, philandering and
desire tumble into one another.
With overtones of Hamlet, Humble Boy (“A
genuinely touching family comedy,” The
Guardian) was written by Charlotte Jones
and directed by John Caird (Les Miserables).
It opened at the National Theatre in 2001 to
rave reviews, before transferring to the West
End. It now begins a national tour, launched
from the Yvonne Arnaud.
Hayley Mills found fame as a child-star
when she appeared in Tiger Bay, then
Disney hits such as The Parent Trap (original
version) and Polyanna. Other highlights of a
long and successful career include Whistle
Down the Wind, The King and I and Fallen
Angels.
Tony Booth, despite being Cherie Blair’s
Interested in theatre? Interested in free interval
drinks, a free programme, and special guest treatment?
Interested in getting two free tickets in the front
rows, close to the stage?
All you have to do is write a theatre review – it is that
simple! If you are interested in going to see one of
the many upcoming shows at either Guildford’s Yvonne
Arnaud or at Woking’s New Victoria Theatre then just
email Daisy at ps21dc@surrey.ac.uk!
How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking
By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive
from Guildford, and parking is free in the
Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New
Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks
Centre in central Woking, easily accessible
from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and
A3.
By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute
train journey from Guildford, with trains
going every 5-20 minutes between
Guildford and Woking.
Box Office (01483) 545 900
www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/
18
‘Tron’ (1982)
Classic of the Week
by Neil Boulton
Sometimes being ahead of your time can be
blessing, sometimes it can be a curse. Back
in 1982 when the box-office figures came
in for Tron Disney believed they’d taken
a giant gamble and inadvertently released a
turkey. Just over 20 years on and Tron’s got
the cult following that has movie companies
rubbing their hands together thinking
‘sequel’.
Tron is a tale of adventure set within a
computer and this is where it’s problem
stood back in 1982, computer’s weren’t
spilling out of every available orifice like
they are today, hence the poor box-office
take. Jeff Bridges plays Flynn a former
employee of the ENCOM
Company trying to break into
the ENCOM computer systems
“No film in
to find evidence that proves the
insidious company has stolen
20 years has
his rights to the games he
wrote. In the process he gets
come close
digitised and sucked into the
computer system by the evil
to looking
Master Control Program who
rules over the system with an
like Tron”
iron fist. When inside he meets with security
program Tron and they work together to stop
the tyranny in the system. Inside the system
it’s a world of programs persecuted for
believing in the ‘Users’ who created them,
programs are forced to face each other in
combat, most famously battling on ‘Light
Cycles’ (futuristic bikes which left a solid
trail it was fatal to crash into), all of which
is supervised by the MCP’s evil henchman
Sark.
Along with the then revolutionary story
Tron was also trailblazing in the special
effects department and that’s the reason
it’s still remembered today – No film in
20 years has come close to looking like
Tron. Development started in the very late
seventies when a small animation company
went approaching studios with the idea
FILM
of a computer-animated movie. Where
computer effects were not necessarily
new in themselves, no one had used them
before to create three-dimensional worlds
in a film. Disney took the dare and work
began. Animation of the infamous ‘Light
cycles’ was done slowly on computers by
inputting co-ordinates by hand to track the
cycle’s movements (600 pairs for 4 seconds
of film). The blend of live action and
computer-animation was an arduous process
back in the dawn of the eighties, the actors
were filmed against black backgrounds
in black and white, the frames were then
individually adjust and layered with the
computer visuals.
The film’s full of little touches which I
guess are aimed at the slightly computer
geeky (Bit can only say Yes
and No…) but the film can
be enjoyed by anyone, it’s
definitely not a film just
for those who remember
computers from the eighties.
As long as look beyond the
fact that the entirety of the
computer based tanks and
contraptions have a definite
retro-charm about them.
Bridges turns in the star turn of the film, with
David Warner coming a very close second
as Dillinger/Sark. Despite the experimental
nature of the effects at the time the images,
such as the menacing recognisers drifting
over the epic polygon landscapes, are still
awe-inspiring. It’s also probably the only
film to laud Frisbee as a form of gladiatorial
combat. Once seen never forgotten.
Theme adventure/animation
Rating PG
Running
96 minutes
Time
retro computer
Watch
games
this if
jeff bridges
you like computer animation
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
by Neil Boulton
If you’ve seen the trailer for this film, the
third part of the El Mariachi trilogy, you’ll
probably have noticed the rather excellent
dance-tune-with-Spanish-guitar pumping
over the bite sized snippets of action. The
song’s called ‘Pistolero’ by Juno Reactor.
Fret ye not, I’ve not had several important
chickens leave my roost, this is relevant.
Years ago I read the artists opinion on
this fine track and they referred to it as
“the soundtrack to the spaghetti western
Tarantino is yet to make” . I believe it’s a
great way to sum up of Once Upon A Time
In Mexico.
Although this comment is unfair to
director/writer/editor one-man film making
army Robert Rodriguez for he doesn’t set
out to imitate Tarantino
it just happens both he “The landscape
and Quentin started out
independently and just blows up and
have the occasional similar
vision. The pair have people get shot
worked together before on
From Dusk ‘Till Dawn and at a breakneck
had a scene stealing cameo
in Desperado - it was even pace with nigh-on
Tarantino who helped give
the film it’s title, referring physics defying
to the two previous parts of
Rodriguez’s trilogy as being
effects”
similar to those of Sergio Leone’s westerns
(The final part of his trilogy was the famous
Once Upon A Time In The West).
The plot of this beast is best described as
hectic, the bad-ass Johnny Depp playing
bizarre CIA Agent, Sands, begins playing
various sides off against each other for his
own ends, mainly to bust a drug lord, but
includes assassinations and making some
cash out of it for himself in the process.
Banderas’ infamous trilogy-leading
Mariachi is brought into the fray by Sands
to assassinate a general, which will allow a
Willem Dafoe’s drug lord, Barillo, to take
control of the country. Banderas agrees out
of want for revenge, then calls up his fellow
Mariachi gunmen (The hiding of guns and
other unusually powerful weaponry in
guitar paraphernalia has also been one of
Rodriguez’s best touches) to get to work
(One, for some reason, is played singer
Enrique Iglesias) and thus Depp’s plan
2 October 2003
begins. Sands also gets an FBI agent out
of retirement to scope Barillo and drags in
a female ATF agent to help ensure the pay-
off.
Things start off dispersed but by the end
everything comes together and you know
it’s going to go ‘bang’. And go bang it does.
Once Upon… is a very different film to it’s
two predecessors, definitely coming across
as bigger and shinier than it’s forefathers.
The plot is complex, which is nice to see, but
it may be too much for some – Also the sheer
speed that the film flies along at may add to
the confusion. The landscape blows up and
people get shot at a breakneck pace with
nigh-on physics defying effects. Mariachi &
Carolina’s (Salma Hayek) chained up escape
is a great sequence and people end up flying
all over the shop during the films short 102
minute run-time. Though is the film’s major
criticism, it tries to hard
to fit everything in and so
you get little time to see
the many great characters
in the film and watch
them develop. Depp steals
almost every scene he is
in, despite the great turns
by the rest of the cast.
Rodriguez commands the
whole thing with a great
sense of passion for his
work; it’s his baby and
you can tell that everyone
enjoyed making it. Filmed quickly with
digital cameras the film looks wonderful,
the new technology enhancing the images
with style, and it’s no case of style over
substance. Whether you enjoy it or not
will probably depend on what you came
expecting to see, if you were expecting a
repeat of Desperado you’ll be disappointed.
If you were expecting to see a great roller-
coaster ride of a film you should have a
blast.
Theme gun filled western
Rating 18
Running
102 minutes
Time
Watch
desperado
this if johnny depp
you like guns & guitars
2 October 2003 FILM 19

Extra Terrestrial Win Odeon Goodies

The Week Ahead Sex à la Carte. Sixties Technicolor. Battle of the sexes. That is what ‘Down With Love’ is all
about. Renée Zellweger and Ewan McGregor star as a latter day Doris Day and Rock Hudson
in this ultra stylish 21st century celebration of the classic sex comedies of the 1960’s.
It’s New York City, 1962. Renée Zellweger plays the part of Barbara Novak, a well-heeled
gal from Hicksville arriving in the Big A to promote her Zeitgeist book, ‘Down With Love’.
Taking the world by storm, her book encourages women everywhere to scrap love in
Film Editor Neil Boulton presents favour of casual sex and chocolate. She says to cease wasting all their energy on men and
relationships, instead they must focus on success in the work place.
a run down of the best films on TV Meanwhile, Ewan McGregor plays the part of Catcher Blocker, the James Bond of New
York journalism, whose exposés in ‘Know’ magazine are the stuff of urban legend. A suave
over the coming week. playboy best described as ‘the man’s man, lady’s man, man-about-town’ Catcher takes it
upon himself to bring Novak down – discrediting her feminist theory by tricking her into
falling in love with him!
As this great battle of the sexes plays out against a lavish New York skyline, Down With
Thursday 2nd October 2003 Love sweeps you away with the best of the 60’s genre aesthetic, simultaneously throwing in
Five | Commando | Some nasty types kidnap the daughter of Schwarzenegger’s contemporary plot twists and sexual trickery. It’s a rom com, sex com cocktail and a heady
9:00pm – retired Colonel in an attempt to get him to assassinate the President of a Latin fusion that’s both hysterically fashionable and funny, and hits the cinema on 3rd October.
10:45pm American country. Will Arnie stand for it? Of course he won’t. All you have to do to win tickets to ‘Down with Love’, as well as some film goodies is
Friday 3rd October 2003 answer this simple question and send your answer along with your name and contact
details on the back of a postcard to: Down
Five | A Few Good Men | Rob Reiner’s famous naval courtroom drama. Tom Cruise With Love Competition, Guildford
9:00pm – and Jack Nicholson shout at each other, Cruise can’t handle the Truth. Some
11:40pm
Odeon Cinema, Bedford Road,
mind find the film boring, but I still think it’s worth checking out.
Guildford, Surrey, GU1 4SJ.
Saturday 4th October 2003 The closing date for this competition
BBC2 | Where The Money Is | Paul Newman plays an ageing robber and Linda is 16/09/03.
10:40pm – Fiorentino plays a nurse in this slightly black comedy. Newman’s bank robber
12:30am plans one last heist with the help of Fiorentino’s nurse who feels like she needs ‘Down With Love’ is a celebratory film
some excitement in her life. of the romantic comedy’s of which
era?
Channel 4 | Meet The Applegates | Schlock Ahoy! Giant cockroaches move into suburbia
A. 40’s and 50’s
1:00am – disguised as humans. That’s all I needed to hear to want to watch this film.
2:40am It’ll probably be a truly awful film, but with a premise like that I know I’m B. 50’s and 60’s
watching. C. 70’s and 80’s

Sunday 5th October 2003 Terms and Conditions apply. Please contact the cinema on
01483 566991 for further details.
Five | Bad Boys | With a sequel nearly out at the cinema I guess they’re trying to
10:05pm – build some hype by getting this back on the small screen. Will Smith and

Film in Guildford
12:25am Martin Lawrence have 72 hours to get back a whole heap of drugs which were
stolen from their Miami precinct in this action/comedy.
Channel 4 | Angel Heart | Fairly gruesome thriller where Robert DeNiro hires Mickey
1:15am –
3:10am
Rourke’s private investigator to find a singer named Johnny Favourite. There
are some nice twists in the plot and worth watching even though DeNiro’s only
in it for a bit. Make sure you stay up for it.
www.odeon.co.uk
Monday 6th October 2003 Friday 3rd October -
Channel 4 | Dogma | Jesus’ last living relative is called upon to stop two renegade angels Thursday 9th October
10:00pm – from trying to re-enter heaven and thus destroy existence as we know it.
12:20am Excellent religious comedy from Kevin Smith, featuring great turns from
Alan Rickman as the voice of god, with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as the ITALIAN JOB 12a 107 mins fls
renegade angels. Oh and some pole dancing from Salma Hayek. fri & sat 1.50, 4.20, 7.00, 9.45
sun – thurs 1.05, 3.40, 6.15, 8.50
Tuesday 7th October 2003 PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 12a 143 mins
BAD BOYS 2 (15) 147 mins fls fri & sat 12.45, 6.30
ITV | West Side Story | Yes, the musical. NYC based adaptation of Romeo and
fri & sat 2.00, 5.15, 9.05 sun – thurs 12.15, 5.45
12:50am – Juliet were two rival gangs, the Jets and the Sharks are thrown into turmoil
sun – thurs 1.30, 5.00, 8.15
3:20am when a forbidden romance develops between Jets leader Tony, and Maria,
sister to Sharks’ leader Bernardo. UNDERWORLD 15 121 mins
DOWN WITH LOVE 12a 102 mins fls fri - sat 3.45, 9.25
Wednesday 8th October 2003 fri - sat 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 sun – thurs 3.05, 8.45
sun – thurs 1.45, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15
ITV | Me, Myself and Irene | Jim Carrey takes the schizophrenic lead in the
9:00pm – Farrelly’s gross-out-style comedy. Carrey gets to give his rubber-faced antics MATCHSTICK MEN 15 121 mins fls
CALENDAR GIRLS 12a 108 mins fri – thurs 3.20, 8.55
10:55pm a work out as he shifts from mild mannered police officer Charlie to polar
fri & sat 1.15, 2.15, 3.50, 4.45,
opposite Hank as both personalities fall in love with Renée Zellwegger. Not as
6.20, 7.25, 8.45 AMERICAN PIE 3: The Wedding 15 96 mins
good as There’s Something About Mary, but low-brow fun nether the less.
9.55 fri - sat 1.00, 6.45
Five | The Silence Of The Lambs | It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the sun & tues - wed 12.00, 3.15, 2.30, 5.05, 5.55, sun – thurs 1.00, 7.05
10:00pm – hose again… The film that brought psychopath Hannibal Lecter to everyone’s 8.00, 8.30
12:05am attention. Jodie Foster is the FBI agent trying to catch serial skinner Buffalo monday only 12.00, 3.15, 2.30, 5.55, ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO fls
Bill, she turns to Anthony Hopkin’s famous cannibal in the hope he can shed 8.00, 8.30 fri - thurs 12.55, 3.25, 6.15, 8.40
light on the case before it’s too late. Great stuff. thursday 12.00, 2.30, 5.05, 5.55,
8.00, 8.30 SPY KIDS 3D: GAME OVER U 84 mins
all shows audio described fri & sat 11.50
AND THE FREE FILM THIS SUNDAY IS… Gangs Of New York. subtitled showing on monday at 5.05. sun – tues 12.00
Worth watching for Daniel Day Lewis’s excellent portrayal of Bill ‘The Butcher’ Cutting, a
stove pipe hat wearing villain of near-on pantomime proportions. BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS (15) 106 mins fls LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE
Cameron Diaz and Leonardo DiCaprio do well in Scorsese’s tale of New York’s early days fri & sat 2.15, 4.40, 7.05, 9.25 fri – thurs 11.50
when gangs ruled the streets. sun – thurs 2.05, 4.25, 6.45, 9.05
Student’s Union | 8pm | Sunday 5th October 2003 free list suspended (fls) no free tickets
 Literature
20
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
Literature Editor, Jennifer Walker looks at Anthony Burgess’ chilling, yet captivating novel.
ANTHONY BURGESS TELLS a tale about 15 year old Alex, a
young boy who gets his kicks out of “Ultra-Violence”. Set
in a disturbing dystopian future, Burgess predicts a world of
fear and violence; mostly caused by young teenagers such
as like Alex.
After being charged with murder, Alex is sent to jail.
During his time there he is picked to be a guinea pig for
a new treatment that re-writes the brains of criminals in
order to become good, law abiding citizens. However the
consequences of this treatment leaves Alex vulnerable
and helpless, as the very thought of violence makes him
physically sick…
The main thing that stuck out at me when I read this book
was Burgess’ clever use of language. To create the ambience
of the future, he re-invents the English language into
something completely strange and fantastic. At first I found it
frustrating and annoying, as I found it difficult to understand;
however after reading the first couple of chapters I began to
learn Burgess’ new language, and could understand and
appreciate his futuristic world. However if you are one for
easy reading I would not recommend this book, only if you
enjoy a challenge when it comes to literature.
A Clockwork Orange also is a book about morals and
politics. Burgess puts the message across in this book that
morality cannot be forced upon a person – basically a to be
LITERATURE
a good person is a choice to be good. He has successfully
made his principle character very three dimensional and
convincing; a young boy who gets his kicks out of the
ultra-violence, rape, “moloko plus” and Beethoven’s Ninth
Symphony. He constantly misses school due to his nightly
adventures of evil, and cares for nothing except himself. In
jail, he hears of a treatment that will make him a free man in
two weeks, so he embarks upon the psychological experiment
of Dr Brodsky, and is thereby psychologically made “good”
by the use of drugs to sicken him in conjunction of the use of
graphic film footage. This makes him incapable of anything
violent or sexual, and becomes vulnerable unable to
defend himself, another consequence
of the treatment is that he has also
lost all free will.
It brings up questions regarding
man’s capability for altering nature,
and for mutilating the human brain.
With the idea of genetic engineering
and hypnotism this book is very
prophetic with regards to the
possibilities of our future. People
already live in fear of young “hooligans”
roaming the streets looking for violent
thrills, and the current anger of the public at
2 October 2003
the current leniency of sentencing. Maybe Burgess is trying
to warn us about the way the world is heading? Will there be
a limit to justice or will the free will of criminals be taken
away, like that of Alex?
I did find myself pitying Alex, even though the things he and
his gang commit are horrific and had disturbed me terribly.
The old man who was beaten up for their own amusement,
and the couple whose house they broke into; making the
husband watch them rape his own wife. But no matter how
evil a person is, they are still human and should be given the
right of choice and free will, not have it imposed on them!
But the other side of me sees it as a good thing to cut down
crime. It is yet still a terrible price to pay. Burgess
can induce the feeling of ambivalence within
in the reader, and also makes one think about
issues that you would not even think of.
A Clockwork Orange, is a book that
can horrify, disgust and psychologically
disturb you. But it is also a book that
questions the development of society.
The true horror in the book is not the
acts that Alex and his gang commit,
nor of that of the doctors, it is the fact
the future of Burgess could become
very real, very soon.
2 October 2003 INTERACTIVE 21

Word Search bfpub quiz

The theme of this week’s worsearch, cunningly invented by Matt Adams, is bands beginning
with the word ‘the’. The ‘the’ part is not included in the crossword, however. There are 16 1
In which country was Pilsner beer originally brewed?

bands to find, and they range from the well known, to the obscure, to the ‘i’ve never heard of
them in my life’ types. The grid is constructed by one Ben Berryman... 2 What was the nationality of the classical composer Pytor Ilyich Tchaikovsky?

Got any more crossword ideas? Then send ‘em across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk.

S L S T N F E H L D S F E R R
3 Ireland’s River Shannon flows into which ocean?

T A S R C H H A X N Y A F E S 4
Which pre-decimal coin was worth a quarter of a penny?

R L O E B R G R Z R J V I R Y
5 Who wrote the best selling novel ‘Fever Pitch’?
O
K
A
R
P
H
A
X
S
T
Y
O
J
E
P
R
A
O
Z
P
C
D
N
Q
Z
I
A
A
E
K 6 What character was played by Roger Moore in ‘The Saint’?

E
S
O
C
S
W
E
T
P
Z
I
K
R
B
T
E
S
E
E
A
T
S
I
U
H
Q
W
X
K
C
7 In area what is the largest country of South America?

G D H B H E H R N S V K R R A 8 What was the first name of the Russian dramatist Chekhov?

L D O D A E S C E O R E L E L
9 In which year was football’s first World Cup held?
O
L
C
A
G
L
T
S
H
C
E
K
F
K
N
L
A
K
O
M
T
Z
K
S
E
F
G
J
B
E 10 The Golden Temple at Amritsar is sacred to which religion?

O E A T B R S A N N O D C E U Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are

S L I Z A T H R I L L S X L D
at the bottom of page 22.

C O N D K I N K S T Y Y N O B If the bf pub quiz has whetted your appetite for something more
‘real’, then grab your mates and toddle along to Chancellor’s at
N X S W S M Q P J I X J K J V 8.30pm on Thursday night and pit your wits against the resident
quizmaster, Chris ‘Funkyberry’ Hunter, at the weekly
The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 22, underneath the lyrics quiz. Chancellor’s Challenge.

Numb3r
The words are still random, but
by the reports we’ve received
at barefacts HQ the ‘scranble
puzzle’ is still as popular as it
was in week one.
The idea is the same
as before -
puzzl3
Ben Berryman’s back, with a similar puzzle to last week. Do you like the number puzzle
unscramble each word, then in barefacts? Got any new ideas for the interactive page? Then pop over to the nearest
take all the letters from the computer and let us know at barefacts@ussu.co.uk or come and find us in the Media
circles, and unscramble them Centre at the Students’ Union. The answers to this and all the other Interactive puzzles are
to make the final word. at the bottom of the next page.
All credit to Ben Berryman,
the random-word-meister...
It’s very simple really - all you need
to do is fill in the missing numbers
from 1 to 9 in the boxes.

CHINTEK MEBURN Each number is only used once in

the grid.
ARDLUDEF NIONIM
Each row is a simple maths equation
LYGLRAE TEHTEAR (argh, remnants of GCSE maths!)

HOTRBRE NACSDAL You might or might not remember

that multiplication and division come
before addition and subtraction.
Something about ‘BODMAS’ I seem
answer: to remember. Anyhow, that might
help here...!
22 LIFESTYLE 2 October 2003

Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random

slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
This week I am mostly … feeling like a teenager again, eager [and a little nauseous]
with anticipation at the thought of my high-school crush coming to Guildford! I LOVE FRESHERS Fayre. Honestly, there’s
no sarcasm there at all - I really do love
MY BEST FRIEND and I are divided. You see, back in the heady days when Take That were it. Everyone witters on about ‘student
storming the charts, she had a crush on Robbie, whilst as far as I was concerned, they apathy’ and suchlike, yet last Wednesday
didn’t come much better than Mark. We both had the CDs and the posters, and brains as I walked around the Union sporting a
crammed with trivia about our soon-to-be-husbands [for that was undoubtedly what they big “ask me about getting involved with
were, they just didn’t know it yet]. I knew that Mark had a pet iguana called Nirvana, and barefacts” sign I had a big grin on my face.
that his piano teacher was Polish – information that was vital on two counts. Firstly, how No matter how many times you are grabbed
else could I hope to make a lasting impression on our first date, if not armed with a little by someone saying “join this society”, or
background knowledge? And secondly, it proved we shared a mutual love for animals handed a leaflet you really don’t need, it’s
[I had a pet hamster at the time] and music [I too was learning the piano - coincidence? great to see so many people so passionate
unlikely]. We were obviously destined to live happily ever after together. My friend and I about doing something they love. In a way
had the future all mapped out – there’d be double-dates; tears and hugs when our fiancés it makes me realise why I’m here doing this
set off on month-long tours; adjacent wedding photos in Smash Hits… life could not have job (although sometimes
seemed more rosy. I do wonder when I’m “I am
BUT now, some ten years on, we can’t even agree to disagree. All discussion as regards still at work at 3am on a
our first celebrity crushes deteriorates swiftly into a stubborn defence of why our chosen Wednesday)! beginning to
Take Thatter is clearly far superior to the other. It’s more than a justification of a teenage THIS year’s Freshers’
crush - our credibility seems to be at stake. Whatever happened to the mantra “each to their Fayre (my 5th!) was suspect that
own”? It’s always worked before (other crushes of hers include Dale “he’s so nice to the no less crazy than any
contestants” Winton and Alan “sexy hair” Davies) but this time she just won’t accept it. I’m that have gone in the the hunble
hoping it’ll blow over in time. past. Being grabbed by
ANYWAY, when it comes to boys, I have to confess, I’m really quite shy [unless I’ve had a a member of MaD Soc chapstick
couple admittedly] but what the hell. I still feel the stirrings of butterflies in the pit of my who said “would you like
stomach when I hear Mark Owen’s name, so Mark, if you’re reading this… fancy some to join MaD Soc?” was a is not as
Fruitcake? little surreal (since I was
President for 2 years!), innocent as
Catherine Lee but the funniest thing
was the wrist bands being everyone
given out by an ‘unnamed
nightclub’. I say ‘given believes”
WASN’T FRESHERS’ WEEK a lot of fun!
Thankfully things have settled down a bit
more now - the main indication of this is that
I am not taking as many long deep breaths
from a bag of Whittard “Lapsang Souchong”
tea that I keep on my desk for occasions
where I am very stressed. For anyone that
hasn’t experienced the unique aroma of
Lapsang Souchong, it has been described as
the smell of a bonfire, or people’s memories
of the Reading music festival!
ALTHOUGH this tea may sound a bit weird,
it is nothing compared to a French tea I was
once given. When people
smell this tea they are
instantly repulsed and
screw their chins up.
The smell of this tea has
a totally different effect
on me, and the only way
I can describe this tea is
that it smells like an old
sofa would do in your
gran/grandad’s house that
they have lived in for at
least 60 years – so this tea
could be described as a
sentimental tea.
WHILE tea is very nice,
it is not as complicated as
Chap Stick. I am starting

The Lyrics Quiz out’, but in actual fact one

was attached to my boyfriend’s arm before
he even realised what was happening. They
This week’s lyrics quiz is by Mark Owen addict Catherine Lee. But here’s a clue - there were of the ‘snap’ variety, evidently called
are no Mark Owen, or even Take That lyrics in this week’s quiz! ‘slappers’. And as if that wasn’t funny
enough, the piece of paper on the back said
Think you can do the lyrics quiz in next week’s barefacts? barefacts@ussu.co.uk “voucher must be attached to slapper at
point of entry”. Surely I can’t have been the
1 And I’m thinking what a mess we’re in, hard to know where to begin only person who found that funny?!
NOW for a bit of ‘home life’ - the original
2 I’ve exposed your lies baby, the underneath’s no big surprise point of this column all those many moons
ago. Life in Surrey Court Wey 1 is pretty
3 A heart that’s full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you cool (even though I’m not there as much
as I’d like - damn this work!). I’m living
4 My heart’s in overdrive and you’re behind the steering wheel with 13 Foundation Year students, so there’s
no shortage of entertainment! Max, one of
5 There she goes again with fishnets on and dreadlocks in her hair my housemates seems to have taken the
concept of locking his kitchen cupboard
6 I said pretend you’ve got no money, she just laughed and said “oh you’re so funny” to a new level. Instead of your average
7 I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too common or garden padlock, he has an
industrial sized motion sensor alarm, which,
to suspect that the humble
stick of Chap Stick is not as innocent as
everyone believes. This has been brought
to my attention due to the number of Chap
Sticks that I buy, and then after a while are
NOT where I last left them. I buy a new
one but then whenever I need to soften,
moisturise and care for my lips I can never
find them!
THE complicated part comes to light after
you have bought a replacement Chap Stick,
as it is at this point that you suddenly come
across the lost Chap Stick! Like…. WHY?!
BUT anyway, I’m really really hungry as
I’ve been so busy that again I put work
before eating… and I keep trying to sit here
and write this and all I can think about is
digestive juices…. So here is a picture of
what I look like now and what I’m thinking
about…….

8 And just go with the magic baby, I can see it there in your eyes
9 True perfection has to be imperfect, I know that might sound foolish but it’s true
10 Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity
Little by Little | 10 Eminem: Lose Yourself
Common People | 7 Blur: Parklife | 8 S Club: Don’t Stop Movin’ | 9 Oasis:
Thing Called Love | 5 Bowling for Soup: Girl All the Bad Guys Want | 6 Pulp:
Plug In Baby | 3 Radiohead: No Surprises | 4 The Darkness: I Believe in a
| 9 1930 | 10 Sikhism || Lyrics Quiz: 1 Jamiroquai: Virtual Insanity | 2 Muse:
Atlantic | 4 Farthing | 5 Nick Hornby | 6 Simon Templer | 7 Argentina | 8 Anton
if triggered can apparently even be heard for
10 metres underwater. Somehow, though,
Matt (another housemate) worked out how
to change the combination, so when Max,
obviously by now trusting us all not to eat
all his food, left it lying on the side, you
can guess what happened. The combination
was changed, and not only that, but Matt
stretched the extendable ‘lock’ right from
cupboard number 5 to 8 - so not only could
4 Wey 1-ers not get to their food, when they
demanded that Max remove his lock, he had

no idea how to. Oh, the wonderful joys of

| Minion | Theatre | Scandal || Pub Quiz: 1 Czech Republic | 2 Russian | 3
| Jeevas | Kinks || Scramble: Kitchen | Dreadful | Allergy | Brother | Number
Donnas | Stone Roses | Strokes | Clash | Beatles | Reindeer Section | Black Keys campus life!
Wordsearch: Thrills | Darkness | Coral | White Stripes | The | Who | Rapture |
‘ickle sarah butterworth a hungry chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
2 October 2003 PERSONALS AND STARS 23

silly - Personals -
Stars
the
It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends
(or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright
strange, and then find yourself a computer, or indeed a scrap of
paper if technology isn’t your thing). barefacts@ussu.co.uk is the
email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you
by Psychic Sandy and david need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and
the look of horror on your friends’ faces...
Libra Aries oh yes, and if you’re sending loads, stick them all in one email and the editor in chief will love you forever!
Who ate all the pies? My, my – you have been
Whatever else you get a busy bunny this week
up to this week, keep haven’t you? What “when journalists are war trained they other girlfriends we’ll let you off (“,)
away from those damn happened to last week’s come in the middle of the night and Strumming on your guitar, 4 in the
scales! And get your bit of rude? Don’t stress abduct you as part of psychological mornin, neighbours knockin, jon asleep,
booty down to Unisport. Now. Luckily too much, the next one is definitely on the preparation” bottle of vodka demolished, steve and
for you, this minor setback will only last a way. You’ll find that avoiding the Stag Hill his boyfriend, too much for one nite
couple of days, and you’ll be back to your crew is clever on Monday – they’ve got “i’ve just posted my license... by mistake”
serious jealousy issues…handbags anyone? 20 years old, no longer a teenager, lina
usual perfect self before you know it. Great curry dude and pudding was and her spanish omelette, mike and
Taurus Sweet!!.... but will now have to do circuits his underage girls, steve and his huge
Scorpio or risk turning into a hippocrockapig. collection of pornography, bad hygiene
That sexy Spaniard is You’re likely to be
feeling way too active upstairs- off campus- u love it!
after you!! However, Hassan: “I want to space travel - I want to
you’re likely to have early on Thursday
morning, but its only live in the world of star trek!!” us intimidating???....Nah we are just
some rather awkward misunderstood girlies who happen to
encounters involving an because you’re still
a wreck from the night before. The bus LOOSE???? I’m not sure unless I can have like rolling around in the mud! WRFC
old Sesame Street flame this week so keep CANNON too Dude! Bring it on!!!!!
it down. Bear in mind that if you’re looking station is a great place to chill at 6am, so
straight ahead and you still can’t see them, make it a regular thing. Wear cowboy boots
and chaps to get recognition from that If Makka from the Bogus Brothers needs Union - 1pm - tuesday - be there.
just don’t go there girlfriend! a chest rub, I’m first in the queue!
lecturer you worship. They fancy you.
Roll on IOW - 14 days and counting!
Sagittarius Marmite is a load of yuck! Now all we need to sort are the sleeping
Golly gosh, are you just Gemini
Flash all your best arrangements! ;)
stoooning or what? We Is the CPU important?
may well have to beat assets this week – those
who frequent the Union So which one of you hippocroccopigs
your secret out of you, 4 bikes isn’t enough! I HAD to get thought one of the Bogus Bros wasn’t so
you know. For some are certainly from the
‘try before you buy’ another one! bogus? Patter cake, patter cake!!!
reason, you are loving Rice Krispies this
week. You might want to try a couple of school of thought. Be wary of sharks in
the pool – it’s amazing where they turn up! wanted: 1 hamster run for Christmas Thanks for London mate, I had a wicked
protein shakes though – assuming of course time. x
that you like the white stuff. Tip for those after a bit of Gemini action:
Yorkie’s are definitely NOT for girls. Who ate all the pies?
Just because I don’t write it every week
Capricorn ickle sarah stiiiiill loves benji lots and lots in the paper, it doesn’t mean that I don’t
It’s a good idea for you Cancer
Beware the BLT - it’s and lots! xxxx love you! x
to actually sit down
and do some reading after you. This week
a loved one will be Leroy, you did it again! How do you Just don’t tell anyone about the bicycle
this weekend. Keep manage it? taxi!!!
your current behaviour feeling much better so
up and you’re likely to find yourself a bit hankies at the ready.
Your antics get a little more interesting this Try to steal from the Union again and I DJ Steed, he’ll rock any woman’s world!
illiterate. Curb your urge to steal Tesco’s will not be so forgiving.
trolleys on Tuesday afternoon, as you’ll week, but remember to watch your back if
you happen to be making full use of your Dangermouse is BALD!
come up against some serious competition. Dib Dib Dib Dude! Green is a good
kitchen’s facilities… Ever tried AP?
colour on you. something for the weekend sir, try flirt!!!
Aquarius
That pikey you met in Leo
Do it the old-fashioned MMMIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK Simon... have u forgotton your boxers in
Bar Med the other night K! (Bug!) the bathroom... again?!?!
is soooo going to text way. Yes, I know you’re
you! Fear not, it seems a bit rough and ready
by nature – but even the I think i’ve left it all a bit late.... Phil..Simon...Vish Bal... Sonia and Raj....
you’ll be relieving all Please please keep it down ;)
that pent-up frustration very soon. This scariest cats are pussies
really. Go on, admit it, you just wanna The Music and Drama Society need
week you may find it advisable to fulfil any blokes - like the sound of spending two My old man’s a dustman... hang on... I
recent desires pertaining to a certain person be stroked. You might want to consider
evenings a week with lots of female mean my Uncle.
with some serious back. cleaning your teeth once in a while though! dancers and actors?
mad_soc@hotmail.com. Slime volley ball - what a way to while
Pisces Virgo away a few hours on a Tuesday evening!
Some apologising this After the weekend’s huge thanks to Ben, Pete and Chris (and
week is a must. Sort it excesses, you’ll be lucky everyone else!) for doing soooo much Thankyou DW for being there and
out – friends come first to be repeating that for bf over the past few days - you’re all understanding me.
in this game love. Stay successful Wednesday stars!
away from that barman night experience. No dodgy sabb dreams this week? Pity.
– he’s mine and I will fight you for him. If Schoolwork is out the window this week, as Look she’s not over 16, its illegal you
you keep on singing in the shower, its very you have far more interesting pastimes on duckball! But since she’s older than your right, i’m sending this thing off!
likely that someone will hurt you! which to waste your oh-so-valuable time.
24 SPORT 2 October 2003

teamsurrey

Freshers Fayre 2003

BY PETE NICHOLS
SPORTS EDITOR
Wednesday 24th September saw one of the
biggest turnouts for years at the University
of Surrey’s Freshers’ Fayre This year, it was
split into two main sections; Societies were
based in the Students union and sports team
were based in the Sports Centre (Unisport).
The societies fayre saw stalls from many
of the Students’ unions societies including
a special Live GU2 Outside Broadcast.
There were also special presentations to a
variety of charities, all of whom received
cheques raised by the very successful RAG
campaign last year.
The brand spanking new Union Shop
(located opposite the stairs to the Helen
Rose Bar) was also open during Freshers’
Fayre, offering University of Surrey branded
clothing including: Hoodies, Rugby Shirts,
T-shirts and many more. There was also
the opportunity to buy your Freshers Ball
tickets for Saturday 4th October Featuring
Mark Owen, Sinead Quinn and D-Side and
sign up for the four week self defense course
offered for the first time this year. The
Union Shop is now open weekdays between
12-4pm.
The sports fayre saw many stalls spread
throughout the sports hall and the field
opposite the Natwest bank. The field was
host to the Boat Club and sailing Club with
their range of vessels on display and the
un-missable giant inflatable Hamster Run.
The idea of the latter, to strap two people
to the inside of an inflatable ball and roll
them down the giant slide (hoping that the
inflatable wall at the end of the run would
end their journey!)
Inside the sports hall included an exhibition
area where many clubs were able to give
brief demonstrations of there sport. These
displays were performed by a variety of the
university’s numerous Martial Arts clubs,
Cheerleading, American Football and many
more. There were also demonstrations by
mountaineering, trampolining and the boat
club in the display areas by their stands.
UniSport also occupied an area where sports
massages, and chiropractic treatments that
they offer were available for a free trial.
The Dance Studio was also in use, displaying
many of the other university sporting
opportunities including V-Volunteering, the
Coaching in the Community Scheme and
the Elite Sports programme run by UniSport
for high-class athletes within the university.
The Guildford Spectrum occupied a stall,
advertising the facilities available for
students off campus, including ice skating, with Unisport and the Students’ Union
swimming and ten-pin bowling. There was offering a week of free sports, from Monday
also the opportunity for students to register 29th September to Sunday 5th October, even
for UniSport membership. This membership if you didn’t sign up on Wednesday, this
fee also includes the compulsory insurance allows students to try out as many sports
fee that all students require to participate in and classes held at the either Unisport or the
a sports club. Varsity Centre for the duration of the week.
The dance studio also gave the students the The only stipulation is that students must
opportunity to show their interest in sports either be a member of the Unisport Gym or
clubs currently not run by the Students have obtained separate insurance at a cost
Union. Clubs such as Table Tennis, of £5. This insurance is compulsory for the
Swimming and Life Saving all proved to be participation in classes or sports clubs.
winners in this category as many signatures
were obtained. Although it
is worth noting that if you
are keen on a sport that
the Students’ Union does
not currently cater for,
please feel free to contact
the Sports Sabbatical
David Chapman for
more information on
sports@ussu.co.uk
By the end of this busy
active day, many clubs
were inundated with
names on their sign up
sheets and the prospects of
great teams for the up and the hamster run | photo: pete nichols
coming season. However

SPORTS PROFILE
Name: Jon Churcher
Age: 20
Sport: Rowing
Best thing about your
sport: Being part of a
team, winning medals and drinking lots.
Challenge Chops Live: Rowing
For those of you who don’t know, the Boat Club is more aptly race just sitting still. However Alex proved too quick for me.
described as the Rowing Club. For those who also don’t know Tim, The times were 1.15.8 to the Boat Club and 1.16.3 to the Sports
their Secretary, he is a very cheeky second year. Office. Just half a second in it!
Last Wednesday (Freshers’ Fayre day) I was returning to UniSport
from the field after a quick check on the Hamster Run. Using what

NEW SPORTS CLUBS:

Most embarrassing sporting moment:
Rowing in a race straight after Fetish
Night with full make-up still on!
Most memorable sporting moment:
Winning a silver medal at BUSA
Your Sport in 5 words: “women in
very tight lycra”
How do I row?: visit USBConline.co.uk
or turn up on Wednesday at 2.00 by
Senate house.
Sports Profiles are back…
however they can only continue
if you send them in. We are
looking for sports players from
all sports, ages and abilities.
If you wish to submit a sports
article please send them in to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
can only be described as a bike with a loud-hailer strapped to the
back of it, Tim was cycling down the road shouting about how great
the club is. He decided it would be a good idea to take advantage
of his artificially enhanced vocals, and challenge me to a live race.
Now, we had previously discussed this, and I had said that on such
a full day, it would be best if I didn’t go for it. But he decided to
challenge me again, and as I was feeling reasonably un-phased by
the day so far, I decided to accept.
Obviously in a head to head race, I would not stand a chance. So it
was agreed that I would race 350m while the club would race 420m.
A 20% difference sounded reasonable, although I still didn’t fancy
my chances, especially after getting changed into one of the clubs
kits. Admittedly it was a size too large, but it was very baggy, and
Alex Deacon (Boat Treasurer) had no difficulty in filling out his.
After a couple of quick tips on how to “row” on a rowing machine,
the race got under way. I went flat out from the start of the race.
Although it is not a big distance, 350 metres is certainly enough to get
your heart going. After a while I slipped off the seat of the machine
and lost a bit of time before I got helped back into position. Coming
into the last 75 metres I started to feel the strain. Just before the end,
I came off my seat again, it was so close to the end, I finished off the
We have a number of new clubs that are aiming to start up
this year. Below are some times and places where you can
come along and give them a try. However, in order for some
of these clubs to continue to run, we need 3 students to form a
committee to help organize the club. Each club only requires 3
people to run it, although they will typically have up to six. It
can take as little or as much effort as you want to put into it. To
run a weekly session on campus hardly takes any time at all,
especially if it’s shared out with the rest of the committee.
Volleyball – UniSPORT, Thursday 7.30
Mountain Biking – Leaving from campus, Wednesday afternoons and
weekends
Kobudo – UniSPORT
Table Tennis – UniSPORT (committee required)
Lacrosse – Varsity Centre (committee required)
Swimming – Spectrum Leisure Centre (committee required)
Life Saving – Spectrum Leisure Centre (committee required)
Cycling – Leaving from campus (committee required)