Q.
Some people say that it is the responsibility of the government to arrange
transportation of school children.Others argue that parents are responsible for that?
Discuss both views and give ur own opinion??
I got this question in exam.
People have different opinions as to whether or not the onus is on the
government to arrange for transportation of school children .Although
,authorities can play their role to provide transportation facilities to children, in
my opinion , I believe that children should go to schools with their parents.
There are numerous reasons why people might think that the government
should manage to transport children to schools .Firstly, it would help working
parents to continue their careers .For instance, the majority of professional
women may not be able to work full-time because of responsibilities of their
youngsters. Therefore , assisting parents to take children to schools would help
Commented [AB1]: ‘the transportation of school children’ –
the + noun + of + noun,,
Commented [AB2]: There is never a comma after ‘although’
only in the middle of the sentence –
http://sentence.yourdictionary.com/although
Commented [AB3]: ‘play their role in providing’ –
e.g. Her father had never played a big part in her life.
She played a key role in campaigning for equal opportunities in the
workplace.
Commented [AB4]: ‘be taken to schools by their parents’ – ‘go
to school’ means that the parent will attend the school.
Commented [AB5]: ‘Manage’ has a different meaning here –
‘ to succeed in doing or dealing with something, especially
something difficult’
I would use ‘be in control of / be in charge of’
Commented [AB6]: ‘in charge of/ in control of transporting …’
Commented [AB7]: ‘responsibilities for their youngsters’ –
‘responsible for smb’.
Commented [AB8]: ‘assisting parents in taking – ‘in or with’ are
possible here.
e.g. He assisted in the editing of the movie.
He assisted with the editing of the movie.
them to continue their professional life. Secondly, disabled children should be

taken to schools with trained staff in specially designed vehicles. Hence, Commented [AB9]: You need ‘in addition’ here as you are
adding to the idea of ‘disabled children’. ‘Hence’ means ‘therefore’.

authorities should arrange to take blind and deaf children to schools. As a

result , they would reach their educational institutes safely.

However, despite all the arguments above, I agree that parents should take

their children to schools especially in the early years of development as it is

more safe for them .In fact, many children have become the victims of child Commented [AB10]: ‘safer’ – not ‘more safe’ – this is the
correct comparative form here.

abuse in the absence of parents .According to recent research in the UK, the

incidence of physical and verbal abuse has increased in children in the last few

years. These incidences in childhood may lead to various negative long term

consequences in the later life .Therefore, it is the responsibility of mothers and Commented [AB11]: ‘the later life’ – no ‘the’ here as ‘life’ is
generally uncountable (for its general meaning).

fathers to take their youngones to schools. Commented [AB12]: ‘young ones’- two words.
In conclusion , while authorities might help parents to arrange for pick and

drop of school children, I would argue that children are more secure with their Commented [AB13]: ‘arrange for the picking and dropping off
of school children’ – you need a noun after ‘arrange’ – to arrange
something. That’s why you need + ing on the verbs to make them
gerunds.

parents.

Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment Addresses the task well and

your ideas are mostly clear. A
balanced and on the whole 7.5
appropriate answer with a
clear idea of what the author
believes.

Cohesion and Coherence A mostly cohesive and

coherent attempt. Some 7.0
good flow between
sentences and generally well-
organised. There may be the
need for difference
connections – ‘in addition’
not ‘therefore’.
Lexical resource Uses a good range of
vocabulary with good
collocations -‘ professional 7.5
women’; ‘early years of
development’ and the
 language is on the whole
relevant and appropriate.
Grammatical Range Your sentences are on the
and accuracy whole accurate but issues
with prepositions and + ing
verb forms. However, some 7.0
quite sophisticated sentence
writing.

Comment - 7.0 + A good answer which needs a little more work on sophistication of and
grammar in terms of verbs/ nouns + prepositions.