True Love

by Celia Fernandez

Terror was bitter, where contentment was as rare as a weed in this barren post-
apocalyptic hellhole. What did I know of contentment? As I sat in that hellhole all I
could think of is that if I didn’t get my ass in gear, someone was going to eventually
find me. The prison planet was teeming with convicts, and I had no reason to meet
with any of them. If someone could see me now...

I just had to let out a chuff of laughter. It was dangerous, but that was the reality
of my life. No point in postponing the inevitable. The bruise on my ribs was
throbbing; it had turned an ugly yellow. I pulled my jacket closer still, the damp earth
pressing against the seat of my pants seeping in. It was a cold night. My muscles
shivered in protest; never was I out after the sun set, but today, just like a few other
days in my life, I couldn’t help but take temporary sanctuary outside. Because it was
outside where I could move without resonance.

My ears picked up an almost imperceptible sound. What was it? Who was it?
God, it was hard living like this! Always watching my steps and knowing that even
my so-called friends wanted me dead. I had to make it back somehow! She was in
there! I couldn’t leave knowing her life was a confirmed forfeit.

First things first, if I was going to help anybody, I couldn’t do it moving

sluggishly. I tucked the gun into the holster on my thigh; I could get it in a hurry. For
now, I just had to focus on getting to shelter. Already my breath was misting up the
air, which was dangerous. Light was fading fast, I’d have to time my run such that I’d
have enough light to see by, but not so much that anyone would see me. Not at least
until I made it into a building where I could turn on my pen-light.

Time! I crouched in a modified sprinter’s pose. I only had a shot at this. 3... 2...
1... I was off. In less time than I thought possible, I was on the other side. My legs
ached, something that wouldn’t have happened two years ago. I always cursed my
naiveté from that day. I slipped my body through the crack in the wall and listened -
nothing but rats and water. That didn’t necessarily mean safety, but I could guarantee
this place was safe.
 I switched on my penlight and shone it around. It fell on a butchered body. The
rats had long ago gotten to it and I was sure there was a smell, but I guess my brain
didn’t register it. Living on a dump of a planet tended to fry your olfactory senses.
Besides, I’d seen much more grisly images as a fledgling. I made my way through the
dark corridors, praying I wouldn’t hear anything out of the ordinary, my own footfalls
sounded extraordinarily loud to myself.

Then there was the door. It was more of a wall really, but she and I had been
playing this game since we were children. Carefully, I felt around; the burning feel of
tears scorched the back of my throat before I found the slight protrudence of the brick
at knee level. Patiently I worked my nails into the mossy covering and fraction-by-
fraction slowly eased it out. By the time I had made an opening large enough, my
nails were bloody, but I didn’t feel the pain. Heaving myself inside the opening I
heard a gasp, then a muttered command, “Don’t shoot!”

Next thing, Carey was above me, her hands cupping my face, “Don’t worry hon,
you’re safe.” Then I blacked out.

Coming to was not a joy ride to speak of. I can still swear my hair ached; my
head spun, my skin was purple in places and all my muscles felt stiff. The pain hit me
with the politeness of a two-ton freight train. I let out a wheeze that grew into a groan;
Carey was there again, “Up now, come on. There we go!”

The world tilted on an impossible axis as she sat me up and I felt like passing
out again, but Carey, the nursemaid she was forced some of her bleach-strong coffee
down my throat. I groaned again, but now at least the world had stopped spinning on
its axis. Once more, the reality of my situation shocked me into motion. I grabbed my
friend’s hand and squeezed it.

“I have to go back!” The look she gave me was speculative; my eyes must have
been crazed, God knows, I’d seen a similar look on my face for the past year. There
was a disturbance, the artificial light on the floor magnified every movement with the
shadows it cast on the walls. A man’s head popped in. I stiffened and Carey put a
hand on my leg, “Carey, someone wants to say goodnight.”

I was still wary, but my long time friend said, “Send him in.” There was a
softness in her voice I’d never heard before. I turned to look at her when the man left,
but as soon as I did the was a flurry of movement from the same area and I flinched.
A little boy. He stood there in the doorway, his mop of blond hair hanging into his
eyes, his head slightly cocked. He wore dirt-stained clothes that looked like they’d
been modified from a grown man’s work outfit. He seemed to study me, deciding
what to make of the stranger. I saw Carey wave her hand from the corner of my eye
and the kid approached, “G’night Mommy.” He gave her a wet kiss on both cheeks
and Carey hugged him back. He left just as fast as he came, and the choking sensation
arrived right on the heels of his departure.

Softly, like she thought my mind was lost Carey said, “I’m sorry May.” She
gave a little shake of her head, “I’ve got a family now, and I’ve got to think of my
little boy.”

I couldn’t help it, the story spilled out and so did the tears; the facility, the tests,
but the horror and helplessness I felt couldn’t be conveyed in my monologue. All the
while, I kept interjecting that I had to go back if the horrors were to stop. At the end -
Carey significantly paler than when I started - I asked again. This time, she gave me
her pledge of help.

Not too long after, I found myself looking at the unsuspecting building; the
facade completely concealed the horrors even then taking place in its bowels. Such a
plain gray, no visible guards or fence. I knew better, after all, it had been hell getting
out; and if there was one thing I’d learned, if it was hard breaking out, it would be
even harder getting back in. I sent up a small prayer for Carey; she was taking a huge
risk, helping me by putting her life on the line.

There! A thin wisp of smoke curled up above the top of the building; it was
clear. Or, at least as empty as it would get. I didn’t bother to stay low, their cameras
were too good. All I had going for me was the hope that the distraction on the other
side would keep their attention long enough for me to get in and out. No ventilation
system, no drop hatch, I just used the door. Breaking in was nothing like those old
film reels my mother used to play for me when I was a child. I’d learned that in my
line of work, subterfuge almost always blew your cover.

The inside of the building was clinical white, stark in its contrast to the filth and
destruction that encircled it. Memories hammered at mental barriers, I was already
getting a headache from the sight and lack of smell. A sound... What was it? I kept as
close to the wall as I could without looking suspicious. Was someone coming... or
was that just the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears? The adrenaline beneath my
skin made it itch. I wanted to run, hide, even shoot something!

Not this room, the next maybe? No, next... next... next... Where was it? I had
wasted precious minutes already. How many more did I have? My anxiety, the animal
inside me grew more vicious as the tension mounted. The compression lever gave and
the door opened. Inside lay basin after basin, each one three feet above the ground on
rollers and with aisles between them. I rushed in, looking into each. I could hear the
blood rushing in my ears. I stopped - suddenly everything was quiet, there was no
mistaking that shape.

Gently, I picked up the bundle within. The surge of emotion reared its head so
suddenly I was unprepared for my vision to blur as the colours became watery. I
wasted another few seconds, selfishly, holding the small shape. It moved; there would
be time enough later for me to feel, for now I tried to leash my emotions. We had to
go if we were to be safe.

My will was tangible as it left me in a rush as I started back towards the door.
Someone was already there.

“Give it up, May. You aren’t going to leave here alive with the child.”

I shifted the weight of the bundle to one arm and raised my gun to point to his
temple. My hand was rock steady, but inside I was breaking.

“Come now May,” he raised his hands, “If you stop this nonsense now, I can
make sure they don’t kill you. Don’t you see how you’ll be helping so many people
with this?”

I tightened my grip on the handle of the gun before I spoke.

“She’s only a baby... How could you do this to a baby?” I spared a glance at the
cherubic face of the bundle. She was so unaware of the danger she was in, so
blissfully unaware. His white lab coat rustled as he shifted. His arms lowering a
fraction, I pulled the safety to be on the safe side.

That traitorous part of me was almost melted at seeing his face again, hearing
his voice. I remembered that girl, she was dead because of her fantasies, all I had
now, was an opportunity to remedy the situation. How had I been so naive? That
question never got old. I remembered the things I went through at this man’s hands,
how could a human being even conceive such methods was barbaric, leaving a child
to his mercy would have been unthinkable.

I felt my lip quiver, “The very fact of her birth should stop you! How can you
live with yourself?” The last part I spat, such was my revulsion for the man I once
fancied myself in love with.

He got that patronizing look on his face, the one I hated. “We can talk about this
calmly-”

“Move.” I had had enough, it was time to leave. The animal had almost crawled
to the surface within me, I didn’t have much longer before a few guards arrived.

His face tightened and drew into a frown, “You think you can get away? I’d like
to see you try! The fact is, as soon as you walk out that door, there are going to be
guards waiting for you with guns!” He lowered his voice, “May, you have to believe I
don’t want to see you hurt.” My gun arm dropped a few degrees as my resolve
wavered. “Please May, put the gun down and you won’t get hurt.”

He took one step towards me and the gun shot up again - the logical part of my
brain had overridden the romantic part. “Get out of my way.” I felt the ice in my
voice, “I will go through you.”

He gave a harsh laugh and spread his arms, taunting. “You can’t shoot me May!
You’re still in love with me! That foolish girl who fell for me years ago is still there,
she’s weak, and I can see her.” No, I told myself no. This was way more than a
supposed infatuation. For the sake of the baby girl in my arms, I would do anything to
safeguard her.

I positioned my finger over the trigger and prepared to squeeze. For a moment I
saw a flicker of something in his smile - it wasn’t so confident anymore. But then, I
crumpled and he was triumphant.

“Now just-”

There was a loud sound. Instinctively I curled up into a ball, protecting the
baby; but when I didn’t feel the familiar warm spread that follows a gunshot wound, I
looked up. A spot of red was blossoming across the front of the pristine lab coat.
Inside me, my heart broke again, the first time after his betrayal. Yet another part of
me rejoiced with morbid exultation that finally, this monster wouldn’t be able to
perform his twisted medical experiments on people again. He reached out to the both
of us with a palm covered in the crimson stain before he sank, almost lifeless to the
ground. A familiar person stood in the doorway and looked expectantly to me,
smoking gun in hand.

I looked down at the baby - no, that was wrong, I looked down at my baby.
Her eyes were closed, her cheeks petal-soft. How could such beauty come from two
such tormented parents? No, the man on the floor had no claim on this little piece of
heaven I held. As far as I was concerned, my daughter never had a father, only me;
and that would be enough.