Writing With Flair

This workbook contains exercises shown in the course that require

some editing. Refer to it as you watch each lecture. You may find it
helpful to revisit the exercises once you have completed the course.

Lecture 4 exercises

Improve this sentence by adding the ingredients of simplicity, clarity,

elegance and evocativeness to it — in whatever way you currently
understand them.

It was indicated to the President by his chief adviser that it should

be attempted to formulate a decision to act at the earliest
opportunity, in the best interests of circumventing what might
otherwise result in the country flowering into embarking on a
prolonged, extended and exorbitant military conflagration. 

Lecture 12 exercises

Rewrite this sentence using plainer language.

High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for

facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process.

Lecture 13 exercises

Rewrite these sentences using plainer language.

In the light of the extent, scale, range and immeasurable complexity

of the uncertainties that persist on the economic front, we conclude,
having evaluated the country’s mid-to long-term prospects, that
multifarious scenarios could yet unfold.

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the

conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits
no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity but that a
considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken
into account.

Delta Air Lines has implemented a number of new initiatives to

boost ticket sales on domestic routes.

Lecture 15 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to make them tighter — in other words,

more economical.

I will provide you with an update by the end of the day.

The specific point I am seeking to make is that the colours red and
grey go well together.

I am seeking a new job at this moment in time.

If there are any points on which you require explanation or further

particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may
be required by telephone.

I will take your proposal into consideration.

Lecture 19 exercises

Remove any redundant or implied words from these sentences.

He vowed to carry out an investigation of the criminal gang’s

activities.

Nokia continues to maintain a close watch on regulatory

developments.
Lecture 22 exercises

Remove any careless repetition from these sentences.

Ambiguity can occur at any time in your writing, so you need to be

able to spot the many different ways it can crop up in your writing.

In an opinion poll, about one in three voters, or 33%, said they

would welcome the return of the death penalty.

Lecture 23 exercises

Remove any careless repetition from this passage.

Five new contestants will be selected before the end of June to take
part in next season’s Top Chef, after several participants —
including Tom Pickle, Sophie Ding and Ram Chet — abruptly quit
the show in March. The programme’s London-based producer, Mark
Sanders, told reporters on Monday that executives on the show
were working hard to identify suitable contestants to replace the five
dropouts, who he said had sadly departed on bad terms. “We’re
determined to get the highest-quality contestants to make up for the
talent lost,” Mark Sanders said on Monday. He added: “We expect
to declare our new contestants by the end of June, of which there
will be five in total.” Pickle, Ding and Chet left the show back in
March amid disagreements with its producer, Sanders, over the
amount of prize money to be awarded to next season’s winner of
Top Chef, a popular primetime programme produced in London.

Lecture 24 exercises

Rewrite this passage as a single sentence — stripping out

information that might not be worthwhile for a general newspaper
audience.

Hydraulic fracking, or “fracking,” is the process of drilling into the

ground and injecting fluid at a high pressure in order to fracture
shale rocks to release the natural gas inside them. Since the rocks
tend to be buried deep within the earth, the gas is brought to the
surface through pipes that often have to pass through water
systems — where there is the danger of the gas contaminating the
water supply as it is extracted.

Lecture 25 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to get rid of the double negatives.

He was not certain that he would not make a mess of it.

It wasn’t that John didn’t care about Jenny; he just didn’t love her. 

Lecture 26 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to simplify any ideas multiplied beyond

necessity.

Air New Zealand’s international longhaul flights division is doing a

lot better.

This is the US company’s first overseas partnership since it

acquired Italian gourmet food concept store chain Gourmet Foods.

Malcolm Turnbull became leader of the Commonwealth of Australia

in 2015.

Chinese Visitors Boost Heathrow Airport Traffic Volumes

Lecture 27 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to make the overlong thoughts shorter and

thus easier to comprehend.

Tom Cruise has confirmed rumours that a sequel to 1986 classic

Top Gun is in the works, with filming to begin “probably in the next
year,” he revealed, while on a promotional tour for his upcoming film
Mummy, telling Australian morning show Sunrise, “It is definitely
happening.”

Honda faces growing competition in the US, where economic

conditions remain weak, from Mazda, a rival from Japan, which
recently teamed up with Ford, a North American automobile
manufacturer, whose earnings have been severely dented by
Europe’s debt crisis.

In the twilight of his unpopular presidency, Jacob Zuma has to vet

his crowds carefully, because almost wherever he speaks, he risks
a clamour of boos and jeers, many from members of his own party,
the African National Congress, but at a rally organised by the
country’s main trade union federation — which is formally allied with
the ANC — which should have been a perfect opportunity for him to
drone on about the party’s achievements since ending white-
minority rule in 1994, he never got the chance to speak; union
members shouted him down.

Lecture 29 exercises

Rewrite to take away the “unnecessary ceremony” from these

sentences.

North Korea’s repeated Nuclear tests have been trying the Chinese
Government’s patience.

India’s Central Bank kept Interest Rates on hold this month.

The victory, on this occasion, went to Manchester United Football

Club.

The Treasury, the Central Bank and the Prime Minister, Malcolm
Turnbull, together expressed concern over the high Australian
Dollar and the stress it is causing to the Nation’s manufacturers.

Michael Dent, Vice President of Michelin Magnets, resigned today.

Lecture 30 exercises

Rewrite to remove the excessive commas from this sentence.

Should the worst-case scenario, in fact, unfold, it would be

impossible, unfortunately, in this instance, to guarantee, in a
reasonable amount of time, the safe passage of the refugees,
despite our best intentions.

Lecture 32 exercises

Make the first sentence less fuzzy after considering carefully the
information that follows it.

In the continuing quest for greatness, remember that a lot can be

learned from people whose startups have crashed. They might, in
fact, be the best people to consult with if your business is stuck in a
hole — as their tragic tales may help you to avert a foreseeable
catastrophe. I understand that for budding entrepreneurs, like
yourself, it’s natural to yearn for the countless success stories in the
world of business. A new study, however, suggests it may be more
instructive to go and grab a beer with some entrepreneurial losers.

Lecture 33 exercises

Make this sentence clearer by adding any missing links between

the two ideas.

Plunging coal exports forced a sharp drop in government revenue

this year, economists say.

Lecture 34 exercises

Make these sentences more focused using better punctuation and,

if necessary, moving the ideas around.

I really enjoyed the concert, it took me back to another era.

Paul is a hard-working student, some days he doesn’t go to sleep
until the early hours.

As an unapologetic meat eater, friends often ask me whether I ever

eat salad.

An Apple media statement said it will launch the new iPhone early
next year.

Looking into the distance, a tall building came into view.

Lecture 36 exercises

Rewrite this ambiguous sentence (twice) to reveal its two possible

meanings.

Shutting down the gym was justified on the grounds that children
were routinely getting injured.

Lecture 37 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to remove the ambiguity from them.

The friendship between Leonard and Mark has never been the
same since he left town.

(Assume Leonard, a feisty lawyer, is the one who left town.)

There is a big difference between a man who is truly generous, and

one who is acting that way only for show. He will be the one offering
to buy a round of drinks when most people have already left.

(Assume the subject of the second sentence is the person acting

generous for show.)
Lecture 38 exercises

Use the following information to write a short report that makes a

clear comparison of the data in the two periods discussed (i.e., the
first quarters of this year and last year).

The total number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter

of this year was 6.

The total number leaving the department in the first quarter of last
year was 12.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of this
year for unspecified personal reasons was 1.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of last
year for unspecified personal reasons was 4.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of this
year for another job was 3.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of last
year for another job was 7.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of this
year because they were laid off was 2.

The number of staff leaving the department in the first quarter of last
year because they were laid off was 9.

What questions would you ask this writer to get more clarity on the
information?

Six people left the department this year, compared with 12 in the
first part of last year. The reasons for people leaving were similar
across both periods. From the first quarter, one person left the
department for unspecified personal reasons, while in the earlier
period, four left. The number of staff leaving in the first quarter of
this year for another job was three, compared with seven in the
same period last year. Two people were laid off from the department
in the first three months, which was fewer than last year’s total of
nine.

Rewrite this passage more clearly by addressing the editor’s

concerns.

Six people left the department this year (ALL 12 MONTHS OF THE
YEAR?), compared with 12 in the first part of last year (WHICH
SPECIFIC “PART” OF LAST YEAR?). The reasons for people
leaving were similar across both periods (NOT SURE WHAT
THOSE PERIODS ARE — AND DO YOU  MEAN “ACROSS” OR
“IN”?). From the first quarter (WHICH YEAR? AND DO YOU MEAN
“FROM” OR “IN”?), one person left the department for unspecified
personal reasons, while in the earlier period (WHICH “EARLIER”
PERIOD?), four left (FOR THE EXACT SAME REASON?). The
number of staff leaving in the first quarter of this year for another job
was three, compared with seven in the same period last year. Two
people were laid off from the department in the first three months
(OF WHICH YEAR?), fewer than last year’s (THE WHOLE OF
LAST YEAR?) total of nine. 

Lecture 39 exercises

Change the punctuation and/or the sentence structure to make

clearer the main contrast being made.

The fund’s investments include Southern Star Central Gas Pipeline,

a transmission and storage facility provider for metropolitan areas in
Missouri, Kansas and Oklahoma, and Affinity Water, a UK-based
water company serving more than 3.5 million people.
Lecture 41 exercises

Rewrite to make the following sentences less “curly.”

While a four out of five chance of avoiding recession doesn’t sound

too alarming, it is notable that this is the highest probability in the
post-war period that didn’t result in a subsequent recession outside
of the global financial crisis.

In the event of the fire alarm not being triggered, it is not advisable,
while the emergency light is flashing, to refrain from vacating the
building immediately. 

Lecture 43 exercises

Align the tenses better in this passage.

Authorities rescue two kittens belonging to a man in Norwood after

a neighbour — woken up by their desperate cries — alerted the fire
department. The kittens, Tabby and Flossy, were returned to their
owner, Mark Hay of Christchurch Street. “I’m just so glad to have
them back with me,” Hay says. He added: “In future I’ll keep a
better eye on my beloved creatures.”

Narrate the following sentence first in the past tense (“Jake said…”)
and then in the present tense (“Jake says…”).

Jake says he will not go to the party, even though he knew it will
probably be the last chance he had to see Cathy before she is
leaving for Paris.
Lecture 45 exercises

Rewrite these sentences to make clearer what “this” refers to in

each case.

Teachers of the white crane style of kung fu encourage students to

cultivate a tenderness of mind and lightness of body. This gives
fighters the ability to kick more forcefully.

(Assume “this” refers to lightness of body.)

Australia fared better than many other developed nations during the
global financial crisis thanks to its strong trade links with China.
Although this continues, financial ties remain weak.

(Assume “this” refers to strong trade links.)

Lecture 46 exercises

Improve the clarity of this sentence by removing non-urgent “clutter”

that may be left out until later.

The Reserve Bank of New Zealand kept interest rates steady near
a record-low 2.5% on Wednesday, signalling satisfaction with the
speed at which the economy is recovering.  

Lecture 50 exercises

Arrange the sections more elegantly in this cover letter.

COVER LETTER

1/ My background/experience
2/ What I’m seeking (an interview)
3/ The job I’m applying for
4/ Why I’m interested in the job
Arrange the sections more elegantly in this sales email — for
existing Jinx customers, first, and then for totally new prospects.

SALES EMAIL

1/ How to order Jinx 2

2/ How Jinx 2 differs from Jinx 1 
3/ Key benefits of Jinx 2
4/ Why we created Jinx 2
5/ What Jinx 2 is exactly

Lecture 51 exercises

Rewrite this passage to tie the “stray thought” better into this
narrative section.

FRILLS AIRWAYS SETBACKS

Frills has seen profit dive in recent months due to slumping ticket
sales at its long haul business. The airline recently signed a code-
sharing deal with Dubai-based Kingdom Airways. Despite problems
on the international side of its business, Frills has seen an uptick in
sales at its shorthaul division.

(Assume Frills hoped the code-sharing deal would help it escape

from its troubles, but that it has yet to yield results.)

Lecture 53 exercises

Create elegant paragraph breaks for this passage.

Luke is diligent when it comes to studying. Every day after school,

he goes to his bedroom and locks the door, so that no one in the
house can bother him, and switches off his phone. He has even
placed a sign outside his room saying, “Do not disturb.” Meanwhile,
at school, Luke studies through the whole of the lunch hour. He
excuses himself from friends and, typically, seeks out a quiet corner
of the library. Once there, he puts on some headphones and
pretends to listen to music — to discourage anyone else from
talking to him. Still, Luke likes to party at the weekends. On
Saturday mornings, he calls up several of his closest friends and
makes plans to go out that evening and the next day.

Lecture 55 exercises

Give the following passages better rhythm.

The reason that I maintain that Mr. Davis is not exactly suitable for
the job that he recently applied for is that his temperament is
lacking in some important respects, and in this regard Mr. Davis
would need to implement some major changes to his character
before we would reconsider an application from him.

Qantas reported record profit. The airline said it was pleased with
the result. Qantas is planning to increase the number of routes it
flies. The carrier hopes that doing so will boost future earnings.

Lecture 56 exercises

Make the transitions more elegant in the following sentences.

They say that exercise is essential for your well-being. It’s a waste
of time. I have friends who spend every day in the gym, and they
seem just as miserable as people who don’t work out.

Jason Fernandez spends the entire working day running office

paper through a shredder. He dreams of opening his own
restaurant.

Lecture 57 exercises

Make the ideas more tidy, or parallel, in these sentences.

The new head of the department, Mr. Emerson, is quiet, friendly,

fond of drinking tea, witty and keen on jogging.
People with depression often report the following symptoms:
anxiety, low self-esteem and they frequently feel anti-social.

Lecture 58 exercises

Make the ideas more parallel in this sentence.

Josie is in charge of packing crates, keeping track of outgoing stock

and she maintains records of customer complaints.

Lecture 59 exercises

Get rid of the word echoes in these sentences.

China last week reported a $10 billion trade deficit, the first trade
deficit China has reported in five years.

Apple said profit jumped in its latest financial year, as iPhone sales
picked up momentum in several countries. The profit boost comes
as Apple prepares to launch a new phone shrouded in the
company’s characteristic secrecy.

Lecture 61 exercises

Vary the sentence structure, and afterwards some of the words, to

make the passage more stimulating to read.

In this course, you will learn how writing in a simple way can make
your writing more punchy. In this course, you will learn how writing
in a clear way can make your writing more comprehensible. In this
course, you will learn how writing in an elegant way can make your
writing more flowing. In this course, you will learn how writing in an
evocative way can make your writing more stimulating.
Lecture 62 exercises

Vary the sentence structure, and some of the words, in this passage
to make it more stimulating.

Standard & Poor’s said Australia’s top credit rating was largely safe
from any future disruption to the world economy. Standard & Poor’s
said that, with its extremely low debt levels, the country would have
time on its side to deal with any such disruption to the world
economy. In the latest potential disruption to global financial
markets, China said its economic growth had come in weaker than
expected. 

Lecture 65 exercises

Make this sentence more forceful and dramatic by removing, or

replacing, weak words.

It seems that Apple’s earnings this time around are less than
impressive.

Remove the weak words from this sentence, while keeping any
“fillers” that might contribute to its tone.

I fell down at work yesterday and my colleagues sort of chuckled. I

have to admit, it was kind of funny. I laughed somewhat along with
them. As they say, laughter is arguably the best medicine.

Lecture 66 exercises

Make these sentences more stimulating by creating vivid pictures

for readers.

Where applications for citizenship are concerned, the available

forms on the desk are required to be attended to. 

Ensure that, prior to submission for the examination, assignments

have been assessed by course tutors.
It has been claimed, in the past, that epistemology is a difficult
subject.

The official national threat level relating to the chances of a volcanic

eruption has been changed to orange from red.

Make this sentence more stimulating by adding visual, auditory,

tactile or other sensual associations.

The financial system has come under growing pressure from

currency speculators.

Lecture 67 exercises

Write these sentences forwards rather than backing into them.

As part of its campaign to improve the nation’s health, the charity

has committed thousands of dollars to fund several new projects. 

To help boost weak parts of the economy, the central bank has cut
interest rates six times since November.

Lecture 70 exercises

Rewrite these passive sentences in an active way.

Mr. Watkins’ advice should be heeded if you want to enhance your

career.

Healthcare stocks are viewed by many investors as defensive. 

Lecture 71 exercises

Write this passage with more character to make it livelier.

I went yesterday to the Ideal Home Exhibition and saw a range of

modern furniture that made me feel instantly like redoing my
apartment.

Lecture 72 exercises

Study the following examples of charismatic writing and use them to

practice creating different kinds of tone in your writing.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW’S LETTER TO A NEWSPAPER

Sir,

If you do not immediately suppress the person who takes it upon

himself to lay down the law almost every day in your columns on
the subject of literary composition, I will give up taking The
Chronicle. The man is a pedant, an ignoramus, an idiot, a self-
advertising duffer. A little while ago, when somebody pointed out to
him a case of the misuse of “and which”, the creature, utterly
missing the point, rushed about denouncing every sentence
containing “and which” until some public-spirited subscriber of yours
stopped him by a curt exposure which would have shamed any
corrigible human being into humble silence for at least a month.

Yet he has already broken out in a fresh place. Mr. Andrew Lang,
moved by a personal antipathy to “split infinitives” and to sentences
ending with the word “such” (for example, Shakespeare’s line, “No
glory lives behind the back of such”) once made a jocular attempt to
bounce the public out of using them by declaring that they were bad
English. Of course, all competent literary workmen laughed at Mr.
Lang’s little trick; but your fatuous specialist, driven out of his “and
which” stronghold, is now beginning to rebuke “second-rate
newspapers” for using such phrases as “to suddenly go” and “to
boldly say”.
I ask you, Sir, to put this man out. Give the porter orders to use
such violence as may be necessary if he attempts to return, without,
however, interfering with his perfect freedom of choice between “to
suddenly go”, “to go suddenly”, and “suddenly to go”. See that he
does not come back; that is the main thing. And allow me, as one
who has some little right to speak on the subject, to assure your
readers that they may, without the slightest misgiving, use adverbed
infinitives in any of the three ways given above. All they need
consider is which of the three best conveys by its rhythm the feeling
they wish to express.

WALL STREET JOURNAL ARTICLE

In the world of hip hop, Violet Hills is strictly Old Skool and
unabashedly so.

Twice a week, the New Zealander joins her friends practicing dance
moves like voguing and popping to beats from Missy Elliot and Nicki
Minaj.

Her clothes — hot pink and florescent green leg warmers, a

studded glove and a black hoodie — are modern. But Ms. Hollis
has a piece of bling that sets her apart from other hip-hop dancers:
a wheelchair.

Also, she’s 96 years old.

THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO

A spectre is haunting Europe — the spectre of Communism. All the

Powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise
this spectre: Pope and Czar, Metternich and Guizot, French
Radicals and German police-spies. Where is the party in opposition
that has not been decried as communistic by its opponents in
power? Where is the Opposition that has not hurled back the
branding reproach of Communism, against the more advanced
opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?
CONTRASTING VOICES ON SAME TOPIC

Sex makes people happiest

Researchers used text messaging to build up a map of what

activities people routinely rated as bringing the most and least
happiness to their daily lives and found that sex ranked first in all
three categories measured in the survey: pleasure, meaning and
engagement. 

Drinking alcohol or partying came second in terms of pleasure but

only 10th in terms of meaning, the Daily Mail reported. Using
Facebook and doing housework both ranked low on the happiness
scale, according to the study compiled by Carsten Grimm from the
University of Canterbury in New Zealand. Feeling sick was lowest
rated in terms of pleasure, it revealed.

Sex, alcohol make you happier than kids

Kids are said to fill our lives with poignancy and inexplicable joy. Yet
it appears many parents would rather be tossing back some
bourbon and rolling around in their skivvies than taking care of their
beloved offspring.

A new study by Carsten Grimm from the University of Canterbury in

New Zealand has found people rate sex as the top activity that
brings them happiness, followed by drinking alcohol or “partying.”
Caring for kids (yawn) fell down the list at number five. God also got
the cold shoulder, with people rating meditating and religion at
number four.

CHARLIE BROOKER ARTICLE

Farage is often described as the leader you’d most like to share a

drink with, which seems reasonable because at least if alcohol’s
involved there’s a chance you might forget the encounter. No need
to resort to booze where some of the other leaders are involved.
For instance, not only will any conversation with Cameron
disappear from your mind the moment it’s over, his face will erase
itself from any selfies you took together. Try to recall which issues
you discussed and your vision will turn ash-grey, while a low
rumbling noise — like the churning of a mighty, windowless
machine room in the bowels of the Earth — will fill your mind, softly
at first, steadily growing until the volume becomes so overwhelming
your cranium begins to rupture from within.