SPEAKER'S BLUEPRINT

INTRODUCTION TO STRATEGIC INTERVENTION AND 6 HUMAN

NEEDS

SLIDE 1
In the time that we have together, I would like to explain to you
what I do as a coach and what you can expect if you decide to
work with me.

SLIDE 2
My goal as a coach is to help you to make a plan so that you can
live the life that you want to live.

SLIDE 3
Some people want to have a happy romantic relationship. Others
want success in business. Some want to make a contribution to
others. Some want to be better parents. There are those that
want to be healthy and energetic. Some people want all of this.
My objective as a coach is to help you to accomplish your goals,
whatever they might be.

SLIDE 4
Today I want to give you an idea of how I go about doing this. I’m
going to make this as practical as possible because when you
leave this room, I want you to feel as if you’ve already had a
coaching session with me. I have given everyone a notebook and
a pencil. Open it and write down a few words or sentences about
what you want your life to be like 5 years from now. Just a few
words, for example, happily married, six figure income, healthy,
active in my community.

SLIDE 5
Now think for a moment, for your life to be the way you want it 5
years from now, what has to happen 1 year from now? Write a
few words about this, for example, lost 20 pounds, met the
woman/man of my dreams, changed careers, started my
business.

SLIDE 6
Now think for a moment, for your life to be the way you want it 1
year from now, what has to happen this month? Write a few
words about this, these are your first steps to build the life that
you want, to take charge of who you want to be and how you
want to live.

SLIDE 7
So the first step in my coaching is to help you to create a vision of
what you want and to identify the first steps you need to take in
order to fulfill that vision.

SLIDE 8
The second step is to help you to identify what are the challenges
that you might encounter on the way to fulfilling your vision.

SLIDE 9
For most people the biggest challenge is what they focus on, what
they think most of the time, what they believe. For example, if
your first step is to finish your dissertation or to take a licensing
exam, and you’re thinking: “It’s too difficult,” “I can’t focus,” “I’m
not good at this,” what are the chances that you will succeed? Or
if your first step is to meet a romantic partner, and you’re
thinking: “I’m too fat,” or “I’m too short or too tall, or too shy, or
not attractive enough,” what are the chances that you will
succeed? So the second step is to guide you away from these
self-defeating beliefs and to show you how you can trick yourself
into thinking the thoughts that will make it possible for you to
accomplish your goals.

SLIDE 10
So how do I get you to give up these thoughts? It’s not easy
because often these ideas have been ingrained for years and
even programmed into us by parents or teachers, sometimes
outside of our awareness. But the truth is that it’s not that
difficult. All that it takes is to have a consequence that involves
pain or unpleasantness, so that you would much rather give up
the thoughts than experience the consequences.

Let me give you an example. A colleague of mine had a client

who needed to lose weight for health reasons but she was certain
that she couldn’t give up her addiction to cookies. She loved
cookies and would eat many each day. She said it was beyond
her control and there was nothing she could do about it. So the
coach reviewed with her what the doctor had said about her
weight and the importance of becoming healthier. She agreed
but insisted she was addicted to cookies. So the coach said: “This
is what I want you to do. On any given day that you eat more
than one cookie, you have to bake two dozen cookies from
scratch, no mixes, and take them to a women’s shelter, and I will
give you their address. If the next day you eat more than one
cookie, once more you will bake two dozen from scratch and take
them to the women’s shelter, and so on. On days that you eat
only one cookie, you don’t have to bake or deliver anything.” The
coach explained that, in this way, if she continued to destroy her
health, at least some good would come out of it, because the
cookies would brighten the day of the women in the shelter. She
reluctantly agreed. For many days she couldn’t eat only one
cookie and she continuously delivered cookies to the shelter. This
resulted in that she was much loved by the women there and she
made many friends. The cookies were so popular that she
decided to turn this into a business with her grandchildren and
now they sell the cookies every week at a local farmer’s market.
Eventually she became nauseated by the smell of baking cookies
at her house and she stopped eating them and lost the weight.

So she not only lost the weight, she made a contribution to the
women’s shelter that was very much appreciated, she made new
friends, she connected in a very special way to her grandchildren,
and she now runs a successful business with them. This is what I
want for you – success in many areas. This woman had a Limiting
Belief. The belief was that she couldn’t stop eating cookies. The
coach showed her, by introducing new experiences, that this
belief was not true.

SLIDE 11
Now take a moment to think: What are your Limiting Beliefs?
Write down one or two. These beliefs are often phrases that we
habitually say to ourselves; for example: I’m not good at math;
I’m too shy; I can’t do this. These beliefs become Incantations
that prevent us from accomplishing what we want.

SLIDE 12
Now write down two positive incantations that will counter your
two limiting beliefs; for example: I can do it; I can learn it; I can
apply myself to my goals. In the next few days, when the
negative incantation creeps up in your mind, counter it
immediately by repeating to yourself your positive incantations.

SLIDE 13
Now our beliefs are related to our emotions and our emotions are
based on our physiology, our focus and the meaning we give to
events. This sounds difficult but it’s really quite simple and we
call it the Triad. I need a volunteer who is a good actress or actor.
Raise your hand if you want to help me with some acting. Okay,
this lady here, Jane, would you please stand up. Thank you. Now,
I would like you to show us depression, just stand there
pretending that you’re depressed. Take a moment to compose
yourself and show us depression.

Now everybody, what do you see? Her shoulders are down, she’s
bending forward, her head is down, her eyes are half closed, she’s
breathing shallowly. She is showing us the physiology of
depression. Now Jane, tell us what you were thinking in order to
pretend to be depressed. …….

Example of conversation with the Volunteer:

(So you were thinking: I can’t do it, I’m a failure. Were you
thinking of a particular event? Yes, I failed a test last week. What
meaning did you give to that event? I thought I’ll never succeed.
Do you think that’s the truth, that you’ll never succeed? No, I’m
going to take the test again and pass it.)

Okay Jane, thank you. Now I want you to pretend that you’re
happy. Take a moment to compose yourself and show us joy.

(Jane smiles, opens up her arms, looks up, does a little dance
step. So Jane is showing us joy. Notice how her expression has
changed, her breathing is different, her body movement has
changed. Now Jane, what were you focusing on to pretend that
you were joyous? Jane says: the beach in Hawaii. You were
seeing yourself at the beach, and what meaning were you giving
to that vision? Jane: life is beautiful, I’m going to swim all day.)

SLIDE 14
Thank you so much, Jane. So how quickly was Jane able to
change from depression to joy? In a heartbeat. We have been
programmed by our culture to believe that emotions are
something outside of our control, that they just happen to us. But
that’s not true. Emotions are something that we do. We do
depression and we do joy by controlling our physiology, our focus
and the meaning we give to events.

Now I want you to make a list of all the emotions that you
experience on any given week. Just write down spontaneously
and quickly all the emotions, positive and negative, that you
experience on any given week.

(Give them about 3 minutes to do this)

Now who would like to say how many emotions they wrote down?
(Answers) Most people write down about 6 emotions. Actually
our language has hundreds of words for emotions, but we tend to
experience the same emotions over and over again.

Who would like to share some of the emotions on their list?

Answers.

SLIDE 15
Now I would like you to look at your list and write in a separate
column only the positive emotions that you listed. Write down
just the positive emotions.

Now reorganize these positive emotions in the order of

importance to you. So your most positive emotion will be at the
top of your list, then the second most positive and so on.

Now take your two most positive emotions and write down three
things that have to happen for you to experience that emotion.
For example, what has to happen for you to experience joy, or
love, or peace? Three things that have to happen.

Now who would like to share what they wrote? (Presenter writes
on a white board at the front of the room the most desired
emotion for that person and what has to happen for that emotion
to be experienced.)

(Example of interaction with the audience:

So Mary’s most positive emotion is Love. On any given week, for
Mary to experience love, her children and all her family and
closest friends have to tell her that they love her and they
appreciate her. Is this easy or difficult? With people’s busy lives
how likely is it that this is going to happen? How old are your
children, Mary? How likely is it that a teenager will tell their
mother that they love her? Not very likely. So these are Mary’s
rules to feel loved. Now Mary, how could you change these rules
to make it more likely that you will experience love? Wouldn’t it
be easier for you to experience love by giving it to someone,
rather than by focusing on whether or not you are receiving it?
For example, on any given day, if you show love to one family
member, wouldn’t that be a day when you experienced love? So
if Mary changes her rules about what has to happen for her to
experience love, she could be experiencing love all the time.)

We create the rules that determine what emotions we experience

and how frequently we experience them. Thank you, Mary.

(Do the same with one or two more people in the audience. Some
will have rules that make it easy to experience their positive
emotions and some will make it very difficult. Help them to
create better rules.)

SLIDE 16
(Write the 6 Human Needs on the board.)

All human beings share the same 6 basic human needs. These
needs underlie all the choices we make in our lives.
SLIDE 17
CERTAINTY
The first need is for Certainty. We want to feel safe, avoid pain
and feel comfortable in our environment and our relationships.
Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and
security – a roof over one’s head, knowing where the next meal
will come from, knowing how to obtain care when one is sick,
knowing that a neighbor won’t attack us. These are just a few
examples of what constitutes a basic sense of certainty.
Everyone needs Certainty but the degree to which certainty is
needed or desired varies from person to person. Some people
feel secure living in one room and collecting an unemployment
check. Others can feel Certainty only if they make a million
dollars each year. Even though some Certainty is necessary to all
of us, what constitutes Certainty varies from individual to
individual. Code words for Certainty are comfort, security, safety,
stability, feeling grounded predictability and protection.

SLIDE 18
UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY
The second need is for Uncertainty – for variety and challenges
that exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs
some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-
being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense and surprise.
Just as a sense of security is reassuring, so the excitement that
comes from variety is necessary to feel alive. For some, variety
may be satisfied by watching the news on television; others may
seek extreme high-risk activities such as extreme sports. Code
words for Uncertainty/Variety are: fear, thrills, instability, change,
entertainment, suspense, exertion, surprise, conflict, crisis.

SLIDE 19
SIGNIFICANCE
The third need is for Significance. Every person needs to feel
important, needed, wanted. Significance comes from comparing
ourselves to others – in our quest for significance, we are always
involved in questions of superiority and inferiority. We can feel
significant because we have achieved something, built
something, succeeded at something, or we can seek significance
by tearing down something or somebody.
In its positive aspect, significance leads us to raise our standards.
But if we are overly focused on significance, we will have trouble
truly connecting with others – comparisons focus on differences
rather than commonalities. For some, significance comes from
providing for the family; for others, from doing meaningful work;
some need to make a major contribution to the community; some
require considerable wealth. Some people achieve a sense of
significance by failure, by being the worst at something, or by
having low self-esteem. Whatever the measure of significance, a
sense of being important is necessary to all human beings. Code
words for significance are: pride, importance, standards,
achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline,
competition, respect, and rejection.

LOVE/CONNECTION
The fourth need is for the experience of Love and Connection.
Everyone needs connection with other human beings and
everyone strives for and hopes for love. An infant needs to be
loved and cared for during a long period of time if it is to develop
normally. Infants who are not held and touched will die. This need
for love continues throughout our lives. It is epitomized by the
concept of romantic love, the one person who will devote their life
to us and make us feel complete. In some cultures, romantic love
doesn’t exist; it’s replaced by the love of relatives, friends and
tribe. Some people rarely experience love, but they have many
ways of feeling connection with others – in the community or in
the workplace. The need to be loved is characteristic of all
human beings. Code words for love/connection are: togetherness,
passion, unity, warmth, tenderness and desire.

SLIDE 20
GROWTH
The fifth need is for Growth. When we stop growing, we die. We
need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and
spiritually. We grow and change physically as we develop from
infancy to adulthood and old age. We grow and change
emotionally with every experience, and we grow intellectually as
we respond to events and to the world around us. Anything that
you want to remain in your life – your money, your health, your
relationship, your happiness, love – must be cultivated,
developed, expanded. Otherwise, it will degenerate. Some
people satisfy the need to grow by working out physically or by
reading a book. Others need to study and learn constantly in
order to feel that they are truly growing. Code words for growth
are: developing, learning, self-improvement, studying, and
understanding.

SLIDE 21
CONTRIBUTION
The sixth need is for Contribution – to go beyond our own needs
and to give to others. A life is incomplete without the sense that
one is making a contribution to others or to a cause. It is in the
nature of human beings to want to give back, to leave a mark on
the world. Giving to others may mean giving time to community
service, making a charitable donation, planting trees, or giving to
one’s children. Not only can everyone contribute in some way,
but contribution is essential to a sense of fulfillment and to
happiness. Code words for contribution are: giving, sharing,
helping, supporting, guiding, teaching and making a difference.

I would like you now to go back to your notebooks and list the 6
Human Needs in the way that they are most important to you.
The most important first, the second most important next and so
on. I have listed them on the board in no particular order of
importance. Now I want you to list them in your notebooks in the
order that they are important to you.

Now could I have a show of hands of who would like to share their
list.
(Take some shares from different people)

SLIDE 22
Now look at your list and think about whether there are
contradictions in the experience of your needs. You may have
Certainty at the top of the list and Uncertainty/Variety may be
second. If this is the case, you might constantly suffer an inner
conflict as to which need is most important to satisfy. By the
same token, the need for Significance is often contradictory with
the need for Love. It’s difficult to love someone who always has
to feel significantly important. That is why so many successful
people, who satisfy their need for significance, have trouble in
their close relationships and often feel that they are not truly
loved.

Raise your hand if you want to share contradictions that you find
on your list.
(Take the shares and suggest how they may want to change the
order of their needs to have less inner conflict and be happier.)

SLIDE 23
Now let’s look again at the 6 Human Needs. The first four needs –
certainty, variety, love/connection, and significance – are
essential for human survival. They are the fundamental needs of
the personality – everyone must feel that they have met them on
some level. The last two needs, growth and contribution, are the
needs of the spirit and not everyone finds a way to satisfy them.

Everyone experiences the same six human needs. However,

everyone finds different ways of satisfying these needs. Each of
these needs can be met in ways that are positive or negative,
easy to fulfill or difficult to fulfill. Some ways of satisfying these
needs are good for the person, good for others, and good for
society; and some are bad for everyone.

The need for certainty can be met by going to school and

obtaining a degree that will ensure the possibility of making a
good living. Or it can be met by doing as little as possible and
avoiding challenges. It can be met by stealing from others and
hoarding money and material possessions. Or it can be satisfied
by holding rigidly to a dogma or doctrine.

The need for uncertainty/variety can be met by reading on

different subjects and meeting different kinds of people. Or it can
be met by engaging in high-risk sports or by risking one’s life
through violent behavior. Or it can be met by watching television
or going to a movie.

The need for significance can be met by being the best at

something – or by being the worst.

The need for love and connection can be satisfied through

performing good deeds and being kind, or by dominating others
who are forced to show appreciation.

One can grow into becoming a better person – or a despicable

human being.

One can contribute to the destruction of others – or to the well-

being of many.

SLIDE 24
What we do in order to fulfill each of the 6 Human Needs, what
has to happen in order for us to feel that each need has been
fulfilled, is what we call the vehicles for fulfilling a need.

SLIDE 25
Now take the two most important needs on your list and write
down two or three things that have to happen for you to feel that
that need is fulfilled. What do you do in order to fulfill those
needs, what has to happen for you to feel, for example, that you
fulfilled your need for certainty or for love/connection. Take a few
minutes to do this.

Can I have a show of hands for who wants to share what they
wrote?
(Have the person come to the front of the room and write what
they wrote on the board. Discuss whether they make it easy or
hard on themselves to fulfill those needs, similar to what you did
for emotions. Are their vehicles for fulfilling their two most
important needs good for them, good for others and for the
common good? Help them, when necessary, to devise better
vehicles that are easier to fulfill. Have them rewrite on the
board.)
Do this with at least two people from the audience.
(Open for questions.)

I have a special gift for everyone that has attended this workshop
today. This is my way of thanking you for coming today and for
being such a wonderful audience. Here is a flyer with my gift.
(pass out the flyer)
Thank you very much and I hope to see you all again soon.

**How to use the Speaker's Blueprint :

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