4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self

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Today @ Apr 28 / 13 Iyar 5778
7 Ways to Become Your
Best Self
Don’t settle for the counterfeit versions
like power, success, fame, status, and
wealth. Here’s how to insure that Quote Photo
you’re on the right path.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

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Here are seven ways to insure that you are on the path towards It's the morning after her honeymoon and Sarah is in
her new kitchen. She has just spent the last hour »
becoming your very best self.
Today in Jewish History
In 1427, a decree was issued ordering all Jews »
1. Be Self-aware.
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A fundamental dimension of self-awareness is being aware of our
feelings and having the ability to process them and make sense of
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them. Feelings are information; they’re windows to self-discovery.
Every feeling we experience has a unique meaning attached to it.
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4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self

To be my best self, I must accept myself with all my imperfections,

limitations, character flaws, weaknesses, bad habits, etc. Self-
acceptance frees one to grow and change. Comparing oneself to
others, feeling less then, deficient, and beating oneself up, paralyzes
and entraps one in a prison of shame and self-loathing. In such a
constricted state, one is unable to initiate any kind of real growth
process, wasting precious energy that should and could be used for
self-improvement. Shame is the basis of low self-esteem. Self-
acceptance, on the other hand, is the emotional basis of healthy self-
esteem.

I can never become my best self wishing for a different reality and a
different me. The mantra of a self-accepting person is, “I am doing the
best I can with what I’ve been given to work with.”

3. Be Self-forgiving.

When I am unable to forgive myself for making mistakes or failing, I Envío Gratis Envío Gratis

lose vitality. When I am forgiving and compassionate towards myself, I

feel alive. In the Bible, Cain is a tragic example of someone who
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destroyed his life and his brother’s life by not being able to forgive
himself for a mistake he made.

To become self-forgiving, we must embrace and celebrate our

humanity. We must embrace imperfection and our finitude. From
Adam to Moses, page after page, the Torah tells us about great people Make the Omer Count
by Rabbi Shraga Simmons
who make big mistakes. How noble and glorious it is that we have the Instead of counting "down" toward
potential to struggle towards the heights even as we fall. King the big day, we count "up" from one
to 50. Why?
Solomon tells us, “The righteous fall seven times and rise.”
Daily Omer Meditation
by Rabbi Simon Jacobson
Theodore Roosevelt powerfully captures the nobility of living a self- A practical guide to becoming great
forgiving life: in 49 days.

It is not the critic who counts, not the person who points out ABC's of the Omer
by Rabbi Shraga Simmons
how the strong person stumbles or where the doer of The significance, customs and
deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to mechanics of counting the Omer.

the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is

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marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly,
who errs and comes short again and again because there
is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows the
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4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self

great devotion, who spends herself in a worthy cause, who Shabbat Candlelighting Times
at best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph Jewish Calendar
Western Wall Tunnel Tour
and who at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows her Get a Study Partner
place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who
know neither victory nor defeat.

4. Be Self-defining

There will never be another person in all eternity like me. To become
my best self, I must become my unique self. Uniqueness is life.
Imitation is death. There is no other option and yet it is so hard to do.
Dr. Eric Fromm suggested that every real step towards freedom,
authentic being and selfhood is filled with anxiety.

There are so many voices telling us who we should be and what we

should do. The challenge is having the courage to listen to our own
voice. I must learn to trust myself and my sense of what’s right for me.
Opinions and suggestions of others are certainly important, but in the More Articles by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.:
end, I am alone to choose who I want to become.
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Imagine the challenge Isaac had to differentiate from such a towering
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figure as his father, Abraham. Yet, Isaac struck his own path, listened
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settled for being a wannabe and tried to be a copy of his father, he Affair with Work
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himself. The world already had one Abraham. What the world needed
was an Isaac. Getting Ready for Intimacy
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learn how to strengthen it.
An important aspect of becoming differentiated is to find satisfying
work that fits one’s temperament, skill set, and unique creativity. There
is an ancient Jewish piece of wisdom that says, “Just as each animal See More

was given specific means to gather food, so each person was given
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unique talents and skills to make their living.” Your text here

5. Be Self-Navigating

There are so many decisions to make in life; big and small that impact
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the quality of our life and the lives of others we impact. When does
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one give? When does one take? When should I speak up and when
should hold my tongue? Is it always right to tell the truth? When have I
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crossed a boundary with a person? What is considered stealing? What
is the definition of a good person? How do I find balance in life? My Painful Path to Happiness
by Devora Mozes
In order to make consistently good decisions we must have a clear I was a real monster and needed to
change, fast.
and reliable moral compass. We must have a clear sense of what is
right and wrong. I can never hope to become my best self if my moral Path of the Soul #4: Patience
by Dr. Alan Morinis
compass is broken.
The root of impatience is the
erroneous belief that we are the
Where do we find such a compass? On the college campus? On masters of our fates.

Madison Avenue? In the media? Doing what’s politically correct? Does Path of the Soul #1:
Discovering Mussar
one turn towards our “leaders” and use them as models of moral
by Dr. Alan Morinis
clarity and excellence? Or should each person decide for him or

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4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self
How to close the gap between the
herself what’s right and wrong? Or perhaps, the most reliable moral
high ideals we hold in mind and the living truth of how
compass may be found in Judaism, our ancient spiritual tradition. How we act in life.

well is your moral compass working?

6. Self-Building

To become our best self, we must constantly be growing, becoming a

more refined person who is striving towards greatness. Greatness is
not measured by accomplishments, fame, or status. Greatness is
defined by how refined our character is.

Building character means striving to perfect one character trait at a

time. It is necessary to isolate a specific character trait, define it and
work on it daily. The gold medal champion in figure skating achieves a
perfect score only through diligent, committed, and disciplined daily
practice. We perfect what we practice daily. To perfect our character
we must practice a given character trait daily with specific behavioral
and mental exercises. Self-development is about character building.
The ultimate work of a human being is to build a human being.

7. Be Self-Transcending

The great Hillel said, “If I’m not for myself, who will be? And if I’m only
for myself, what am I?” The ultimate goal of self-development is self-
transcendence. A life of self-indulgence and self-absorption is a life of
emptiness and despair. There is no greater emotional suffering than
being a self-absorbed person who is unable to give. And there is no
greater pleasure than self-transcendence and being of service to
others.

On a micro level, self-transcendence means giving rather than taking.

Being a giver means taking pleasure in consciously choosing to give
people pleasure and not causing pain. A giver sees the world through
the eyes of others. On a macro level, self-transcendence means
discovering what your gift is and then giving it away to the world. Each
of us is here to make a unique contribution. Our unique contribution to
humanity is our eternal legacy.

A third dimension of self-transcendence is to strive to connect with

God, the Eternal Source of Being. To lovingly be in service to “The
One who spoke and the world came into being” is the ultimate
experience of self-transcendence.

The goal of living is to become our best self. There are many
counterfeit expressions of what this means, such as power, success,
fame, status, popularity, wealth, etc. I hope these seven pathways
clarify a truer and more meaningful understanding of what it means to
become one’s best self.

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4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self

April 7, 2018

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About the Author

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4/28/2018 7 Ways to Become Your Best Self

Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A. More by this Author >

Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds
Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in
Contemporary Theology form Harvard University. He also holds a B.A in
philosophy and was ordained a rabbi in Jerusalem in 1982. He currently runs
a private practice in Beverly Hills, California specializing in adult
psychotherapy, personal growth counseling, dating coaching, and marital
therapy. In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling
Full Bio

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Visitor Comments: 2

(2) Sydne, April 9, 2018 5:22 PM

Enlightening

I am in another spiritual recovery group and much to my surprise I started your website
daily readings and am feeling more peaceful and confident in myself with each reading.
Learning more about my Judaism which I have neglected has enabled me to give more to
my life, my cherished daughter, my husband and my art. I can move forward with less
pain and more serenity.
Thankyou much.

(1) Anonymous, April 9, 2018 11:53 AM

Invaluable and practical, crystal clear wisdom on pathways towards becoming greater
versions of ourselves. Thank you Rabbi Heller for the growth this article is sure inspire.

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