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Dakota Peterson
COMM-2110-Sp18
Susan Knott
March 16th, 2018
I am writing this paper to reenact two different ways of dealing with a conflict that I had
with my girlfriend. Throughout this paper, I will address, the five-step process to
managing a conflict through collaboration, a background of my conflict. I will also give
an example of a dialog of the problem without using the five-step problem-solving
process, a dialog using the five-step process, an analysis of my solution to my conflict,
and an application of my solution to my conflict.
COMPARATIVE DIALOGUES
The following dialogues are illustrations of my girlfriend and I communicate about
different perspectives we have of interacting with individuals that we have had
relationships with.
Me: Hey, I noticed that your ex snapchatted you. I thought we both agreed that we were
going to stop interacting with other people.
Her: I thought you said you were ok with me being friends with him?
Me: Yes, I did when we first started dating, at the time we were both involved with other
people. Now that we are together I feel like we should not interact with past
relationships anymore. How do you feel about that?
Her: I'm sorry, we were friends before we started dating so it's hard to completely
exclude
from my life.
Comments: Here I did not attack her, I asked a simple question and the reasoning for
my question. I let her know how I felt and that there was a problem. I asked her what
her thoughts were on the problem. I informed her that I had a problem with this
situation.
ANALYSIS
Out Come
There is a significant difference between the two dialogs. The most easily recognizable
is the words that were said. They were much more thought through, genuine, and not
meant to win or cause pain. This is not the only thing that was different. Our emotions
were kept out of the conversation keeping this conflict from becoming an "ego conflict".
We stayed focused on the issue at hand allowing us to work as a team to come up with
a unified goal. We also made certain to clarify our own ideas as well as make sure to
fully understand each other and what they wanted. We were able to turn it into a "simple
conflict." (Beebe, p. 217-218) Our feelings after the fact were much different. In dialog A
we were both frustrated and felt attacked whereas in dialog B we both felt like we had
accomplished what we wanted to. It was a win-win conflict that we both were happy with
the resolution. (Beebe, p. 235)
Challenges
One of my biggest challenges in implementing a collaboration style is maintaining my
anger. Not only in this specific situation but in all conflicts that escalated to an ego
conflict. During this conflict with my girlfriend, I remember a saying from the text written
by William Blake:
"I was angry with my friend.
I told my wrath; my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe,
I told it not; my wrath did grow."
(Beebe, p. 230) I do not want to become angry with people anymore. Especially people
that I have a close relationship with. I will defiantly remember this saying every time I
find myself in a conflict situation with someone. I recalled this saying when I felt myself
becoming angry. I knew I needed to express my anger to my girlfriend. I needed her to
know the seriousness of the situation and her to understand how I was feeling. I also
needed to do it for myself to help me concisely know I was getting irritated. I was able to
keep my concentration on the problem at hand and not my emotion. (Beebe, p. 230)
APPLICATION
Using collaboration to manage conflicts is a useful and efficient way to resolve many
communicating issues. I know my usual avoidance style of dealing with conflicts is not
the most efficient way to solve conflicts. (Beebe, p. 223) I can use this skill in many
aspects of life. Whether it is at work debating on issues on the job site to group projects
at school and more importantly in my personal life with my relationships. Many times,
conflicts arise on the job site where someone disagrees with a way you're doing
something or how you want to do it. Using this at work will greatly increase our
productivity level as well as helping protect others face of workers. (Beebe, p. 44)
CONCLUSION
Managing conflicts through collaboration with this five-step process is an excellent way
to improve my communication skills in general. Beginning with defining the problem
allows for me to know what the real issue is that needs to be solved. Analyzing the
problem helps me to understand the problem and the perspective of the other party
involved. Determining important goals for me as well as the other party allow us to both
know what's important and gives us a common goal to achieve. After generating many
solutions, we have a wide pool of options to work with. This allows me to use teamwork
to collaboratively choose the best option for both parties. after learning about this
process, I believe I will be able to achieve happier relationships in life. using teamwork
as a foundation to create all relationships and use collaboration to resolve any issues
that will inevitably arise.
WORKS CITED
Beebe, S., Beebe S., & Redmond, M. (2017). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to
Others (8th ed.). Boston: Pearson Publishers.
Clark, C. (2014). Conflict Management Skills. Available at
https://slcc.instructure.com/courses/441031/pages/ch08-readings-conflict-
management-skills?module_item_id=6790836 Accessed March 6, 2018.