Krusenoski 1

Hannah Krusenoski

Professor Crosby

English Comp 3

20 May 2018

RA Final Draft

The fight for women’s rights has been going on since the development of our country and

still has not been resolved. According to the book “Women in Culture,” women’s bodies were Commented [HK1]: Weird wording that could have been
made more concise for clarity
viewed as men’s property with no independence or rights of their own. The fact that women’s

bodies are built differently made men believe that women were inferior and could not achieve

the same things as men could (Weitz 248 & 249). As times progressed, women started to gain
more independence including voting and property rights; but to this day, they still do not receive
Commented [HK2]: I used this paraphrase to introduce
the idea that women traditionally have been seen as inferior
to men. I did this to support my later claim that a women’s
role in the workforce and at home has changed from that.

the treatment and equality they deserve. In “Daughters of the Springs,” Lauren Groff uses Commented [HK3]: I probably should have supported
this claim with textual evidence. I based this claim on my
own opinion and personal experience.
remarks about women’s rights and feminism to convey the message like mermaids, women are

not just sex appeal to men they have skills and work hard for what they want. Although there are

some flaws in Groff’s way of conveying the message, she seemingly attempts to persuade her

audience that the role of women in America in the workforce and at home have changed, and

they deserve to be respected accordingly.
Throughout “Daughters of the Springs,” Groff broadly emphasizes that, similar to the
Commented [HK4]: Originally, I had treatment in place of
respect, but treatment could mean so many different things
that I would have to specify what type of treatment and by
who each time. So, I chose respect because it does not need
as much explanation.

mermaids, women are not just sex appeal to men and they possess skills and work hard. She Commented [HK5]: I used almost the exact wording in
my topic sentence as my thesis so that it was very clear
which part of the thesis I was referring to.
relates the mermaid’s unnoticed hard work to the hard work of a typical woman; both unnoticed

because people focus too much on their appearance and not enough on their work ethic.

Although women have seemingly moved past the stage where they were thought of as property,
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women are still heavily judged by what they look like rather than what skills they possess. In the Commented [HK6]: I could have used outside evidence of
specific times women have been judged on their
appearance to strengthen this claim.
article, Groff makes a point to describe the mermaids as beautiful and seductive, however, she

also explains how much work the mermaids put in behind the scenes of the performance.

Specifically, Groff states that the performers had to pass through an extremely hot, dark 64-foot
tube to get to the theater in order to perform. Groff reveals, “They’re also extremely hard-
working hourly employees of the State of Florida. The state publishes its employees’ wages
Commented [HK7]: Here I added a specific example of
the hard work the mermaids put in to back up my claim and
strengthen my overall argument. This creates more trust
between the writer and reader, especially if they have not
read the article before reading the essay.

online; it was easy to discover that one of the senior mermaids makes thirteen dollars an hour,

and none of them [receive] benefits” (Groff). In this quote, Groff exhibits the amount of effort

and dedication women put into their career and daily tasks. They are not just present for their

pretty looks, they are very hard-working and deserve better than the treatment and salary they

receive from their boss. Groff uses both logos and pathos to portray her message. She uses logos
by explaining the amazing and dangerous work these women perform to put on the mermaid
shows and then telling the audience that they only make minimum wage. Groff explains how the
mermaids are provided only a hose to breath underwater and often get hypothermia from being
in the water for long periods of time. This shows that the amount of work these women endure
Commented [HK8]: We see this happen with the
mermaids, but I do not add an outside example that would
relate to all women as I broadly state. So, I should have
brought in an outside source about the inequality in
treatment and salary between men and women.
Commented [HK9]: I probably could have made this its
own paragraph because it is more about how the message is
communicated and not what the actual message is like the
rest of the paragraph.

deserves a bigger paycheck. Similarly, she uses pathos by relating the mermaids to everyday

working people who make minimum wage and cannot support themselves on that kind of

income. These are all effective ways to show that these women deserve more respect and better

payment for all the unrecognized tasks they do as employees.

Another example of Groff’s message that women deserve more respect for their work comes

from her analysis of her overall trip to Weeki Wachee. On her ride home, Groff thinks back to

Richard Wagner’s opera Ring Cycle, and points out a single line that states, “Only the deep hold
intimacy and truth; false and cowardly is the surface’s rejoicing” (Groff). Groff chose this phrase
Commented [HK10]: I should have explained better who
Richard Wagner was and why Groff incorporated it into the
story. For those who do not know who he was, or what the
opera was about, might be very confused.
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because it ties back to the idea that the mermaids at the springs are beautiful and seductive on the

outside, but after taking a closer look she realized they are hard-working women. In this case, the

mermaids are a metaphor for American women in society and although people may just consider
them a pretty face, they are so much more. Many Americans prefer to just sit on the surface and
not think about the inequalities beneath it because after taking a deeper look into women’s right,
Commented [HK11]: I stated that the mermaids are a
metaphor for American women because it is the basis of my
argument. My whole claimed is tied to the mermaids
representing all American women in our society. I probably
could have stated this directly a little earlier in the essay. In
the beginning I implied this fact but never stated it.

people realize how broken and deceitful American society can be. However, at the end of her
reflection about the springs Groff exclaims, “Sometimes it’s lovely to float on the surface of
things.” She is deciding whether it is just better to remember the mermaids as wonderful
Commented [HK12]: Again, I should have backed this up
with actual textual or real-life evidence rather than just
stating it.
Stating that American society is broken is bold and should
have been back with evidence.

performers or address the many inequalities she observed throughout her trip. However, the

thought process of ignoring any underlying problems in society leads to women not being treated

with the respect they deserve, and not recognized as hard-working and dedicated individuals

which in turn causes women to be underpaid. Commented [HK13]: There is no way I can prove this
correlation, rather, I should have just left it was women
being underappreciated.
In this article, Groff uses remarks about women’s rights and feminism to empower the Commented [HK14]: Again, I used exact words from the
thesis in the topic sentence so there is no question what
audience and show them that gender equality is a valued cause. There are some people who part of my claim this paragraph relates to.

disagree with the fight for women’s rights and believe that equality has been reached. However,

it is difficult to measure the amount of people who support women’s rights because every person

has their own idea of what rights and equality women should receive, as explained in the book

“Women's Rights in the USA: Policy Debates and Gender Roles.” The authors point out, “The

politics of women’s rights involves debate over what the status of women is, what is should be,

and what government actions will achieve it. At any time, the heterogeneous U.S. society harbors

and extraordinary variety of beliefs about sex and gender roles” (McBride & Parry 3). This
shows that people could think equality of men and women has been reached because they have a
Commented [HK15]: I added this quote to show I am not
generalizing everyone in my argument, there are always
exceptions and people who do not fit in the argument. I
used this to clarify who I am talking to and about.

different expectation of what equality is and means. In “Daughters of the Springs,” Groff
 Krusenoski 4

explains the difference in opinion between herself and John, the mermaid’s manager, “‘And girls

are… complicated,’ he said knowingly. I nodded and smiled, but because I’m complicated, I

winced every time John called the performers girls…I was taught to insist on being called a

woman” (Groff). In this quote, Groff uses the contrast between the words “girl” and “woman” to
illustrate the respect women should receive from men for the daily jobs and activities they
complete. There is a difference between these two words, girl can be used to disempower a
Commented [HK16]: I thought this was a strong piece of
evidence because it makes the women in the audience stop
and think about what respect they receive and what they
should actually receive. It also makes the men in the
audience think about how they talk about women, whether
they address them with respect or not.

woman or make her seem like a victim, whereas the word woman stands for power and

determination. She uses this sentence to empower women and make them realize that they

deserve to be respected and treated fairly in the workplace. The choices the author made in

constructing this sentence achieves her purpose because it shows that women should not be seen

as victims of the inequality between men and women that exists today. Women are confident,
grown individuals who can achieve whatever they want to, and being called a woman is
empowering and motivating.
Groff is successful in her attempt to persuade the audience that the role of women in America
in the workforce and at home has changed, and that they deserve to be treated with more respect.
Commented [HK17]: I should have added an example of
the inequalities seen today between men and women to
support this claim. Without any evidence, it is just my
opinion against another’s. Adding evidence would have
strengthen my point in this paragraph.
Commented [HK18]: I could have added another
paragraph talking about how the message is conveyed
because I only use one example from the story. However,
for the other two parts of my thesis, message and to what
effect, I use two paragraphs so the how should be just as
long.

When Groff initially visited Weeki Wachee she expected to encounter the great mystery of the

mermaid, however she was mistaken. Groff came to realize that the springs and the mermaid
performances were just hard-working women who love what they do and have created a family
together. Groff expresses, “This is what happens when you are given a plateful of hot Americana
Commented [HK19]: I should have explained what her
initial expectation was before explaining how she was
mistaken. This would have created a greater contrast
between her initial and final thoughts, which in turn would
create a stronger effect on the audience.

à la mode and expect to taste profundity; my disappointment was a result of my failure of

expectations, not their show” (Groff). In this quote, Groff emphasizes the disappoint she has in Commented [HK20]: I should have explained better how
she emphasizes her disappointment. She does it through
her language use and word choice.
American society because of the inequality that still exists today by alluding to people’s hopeful

and positive view of America. She uses her misconception of how the mermaid performances are
 Krusenoski 5

actually put on to portray how people mistakenly view America. When people think of America

they think of the “American Dream” and how it is a country filled with opportunity and equality

for all. However, the reality is that things are far from perfect and various problems still exist in

society. Many of these other problems in American society are also due to inequality between

people of different races, genders, or religions. One of the most relevant and talked about
inequalities in our current society is between African-Americans and white Americans.
Commented [HK21]: Here I finally back up my statement
of inequality with evidence to show I am not just making it
up. I should have given examples of the inequalities
between men and women at the beginning of my paper.

According to the book “Racism without Racists” by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva, most white

Americans would like to say that racism is no longer a problem in American, however, the

statistics say otherwise. He states, “Blacks and other dark-skinned racial minorities lag well

behind whites in virtually every area of social life; they are three times more likely to be poor

than whites…they also receive an inferior education compared to whites… [and] are the target of

racial profiling by the police” (Bonilla-Silva 3). The misconception that there are equal rights
and opportunity for all Americans occurs because people have expectations about what America
Commented [HK22]: I feel as though I could have used a
more concise quote from this book with actual number
statistics so that it would strengthen my claim more and
would not lose the attention of the audience.

should be, but they are not true. Commented [HK23]: I could have added more of an
analysis after this long quote. I do not go into depth about
what the quote means, I rather just restate it in different
However, Groff is also unsuccessful in her attempt to persuade the audience that women words.

should be treated with more respect in the workforce. She is unsuccessful because not everyone

in the audience may believe that women’s rights are important or something that needs to be

addressed. Additionally, the fact that some people may be offended by her aggressive assertions

about American society and how men treat women. At times, her tone is almost mocking
towards men, which might invoke anger in men or others who do not believe in equality, because
she is generalizing all men. Groff exclaims, “How seductive such a life would have been; it must
Commented [HK24]: I added that fact that she is
unsuccessful because at times in the story she is very
aggressive and sarcastic. I agree with her view point, but I
still think she was harsh on men and overgeneralized them a
little bit.

have threatened men unused to women living independently” (Groff). In this quote, Groff makes

a joke about men’s masculinity to emphasize how men are threatened by the potential power and
 Krusenoski 6

confidence of women. In this case, the word “unused” is referring to being unfamiliar with
something. She is emphasizing how unfamiliar and uncommon women being independent used
to be. Back in the day, women had very little independence from their husband or significant
other, however times have changed immensely and now woman can be successful and live on
Commented [HK25]: I am still unclear about whether or
not I needed to define the word “unused;” I did not know
what it meant originally so I figured my audience would not
either. This is something I should look into for my future
writing.
Commented [HK26]: This is very broad, I should have
specified at what point in history this occurred and how
long it lasted. I could have pulled in outside evidence here.

their own and still support themselves without a problem. Similarly, Groff is also unsuccessful in

the effect of her message because her language can be seen as offensive towards people with

strong American patriotism. Similar to her threatening remarks towards men, she also discusses

patriotism and how she opposes the promotion of it in large gestures. Groff exclaims, “My

patriotism is manifested in finding it a privilege to pay taxes, in voting, and in turning a critical

eye on my government. Nationalistic bombast makes me ill.” In this quote, Groff uses strong
language to show her skepticism of the government and her distaste for large displays of pride
for America. This may be disrespectful to audience members who highly value the American
Commented [HK27]: I thought this quote was very strong
to prove that her language use is aggressive. Plus, I thought
many Americans would be offended by her statement
rather than just men like the previous quotes. Therefore,
more of the audience is engaged and related to the text.

Government, or perhaps someone who has fought for the country and believe that everyone

should have great respect for it.

Overall, women’s rights are still a pressing and prominent issue in American culture,

however, not many people recognize this issue as urgent and therefore do not act to fix it. Groff Commented [HK28]: Again, I should have added in
outside evidence about this statement earlier in the essay
because it could be refuted by readers.
attempts to convince the audience that women have progressed and should not be seen as just

pretty faces, but as a confident, strong individual. Women should receive better treatment for the

hard work and dedication they put into their daily tasks, whether it be at their job or just

generally. She uses phrases that promote feminism and equality to portray this message. Groff is

successful in conveying her overall message that things are not always what they seem to be on

the outside with her real-life experiences and use of language. However, she is unsuccessful

because some of her language may be offensive and threatening to a man’s masculinity. Commented [HK29]: I could have moved my analysis of
her work earlier and then made a broad statements or call
to action at the very end of the conclusion.
 Krusenoski 7

Works Cited

Bonilla-Silva, Eduardo. “The Strange Enigma of Race in Contemporary America.” Racism

Without Races, 5th ed., Rowman & Littlefield, 2018, pp. 3–16.

https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=QQglDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR7&d

q=racial+inequality+america&ots=iZ2V-

SffwX&sig=m9dWijjBmBslyBGm5oZhIzqEXKc#v=onepage&q&f=false

Groff, Lauren. “Daughters of the Spring.” Oxford American, 21 July 2014.

https://www.oxfordamerican.org/magazine/item/151-daughters-of-the-springs

McBride, Dorothy E, and Janine A Parry. “Introduction.” Women's Rights in the USA: Policy

Debates and Gender Roles, 5th ed., Routledge, pp. 1–21.

https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=F26FCwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&d

q=women%27s+rights+in+america&ots=3wUWqJW7g6&sig=oA-

SMmjmH96Uq0QcQX1QAt52fgg#v=onepage&q&f=false

Weitz, Rose. “A History of Women's Bodies.” Women in Culture: An Intersectional Anthology

for Gender and Women's Studies, 2nd ed., John Wiley & Sons, 2017, pp. 247–249.

https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=N6fLCgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA248

&dq=history+of+women%27s+rights+in+jobs+in+usa&ots=mHmoqhxvdS&sig=CcSMp

x_1m4DhgflWyixB7rTej6Y#v=onepage&q&f=false